


Happily Ever After

by Gamebird



Series: Grey Order [8]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse survival, Cultural Differences, Damerux, Force-Sensitive Hux, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Gingerpilot, Hurt/Comfort, Hux and Poe are married, Hux is still asexual, Hux/Poe - Freeform, Living Together, M/M, Poe is not, Poe/Hux - Freeform, Slow burn healing and recovery, They Make It Work, Very soft kinks, What Snoke did to people is not so easily erased, but not very Force-sensitive for either of them, trauma never is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-05-03 05:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 82
Words: 188,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14561409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gamebird/pseuds/Gamebird
Summary: To sum up to date: post-TLJ, the FO won the war, Kylo abdicated/was kicked out, Hux negotiated peace and set up a new government in collaboration with the defeated Republic, Poe seduces Hux on a lark at negotiations and it bizarrely works, they fall in love. Months pass, new gov is set up, Hux resigns, marries Poe, moves to Yavin IV with Poe. If you want the details, see the other Grey Order stories.But starting from here, Poe and Hux are married (or about to be - chapter 1 is set a few days before the wedding) and trying to figure out their new lives together. Transitioning to civilian life is a huge upheaval for anyone in the military. Add on moving from single to married. Add on moving into a totally different culture for Hux. Add on years of unaddressed, repressed trauma, also on Hux's part. Add on a helpfully interfering Force sensitive tree. And then there's Kes, Poe's father, who hates the Empire, the dark side, and anything that looks like either of those ... like Hux ... who has married Kes' son, so he's got to get over himself.It's not a recipe for happily ever after, but by the Force, Poe and Hux are going to try to it!





	1. Customs Clearance

**Author's Note:**

> This is set a few days before chapter 19, Marriage, of Poe/Hux Afterstory Tales. All other chapters will be set following the wedding.

The port security official looked between his screen, which was shielded from Hux's view, and Armitage Hux himself. He did so for nearly a minute, looking back and forth. Hux waited patiently where he'd been told to stand, having been singled out of incoming customs for an additional security screening by an actual person. The mechanics of civilian travel were not something Eddiva's group had prepared him for in any detail, so he wasn't sure how normal this was. But as much in his life, it boiled down to: nod, volunteer nothing, and follow directions.

"Okay. Mr. … Hux, is it?" Armitage nodded. "I had thought this was an obvious forgery until I saw you, but you're clearly the guy from the news. This … you're traveling under your own name? Why?"

Hux raised his brows at the implication he was supposed to be doing otherwise than following the law. "Yes." He left the second question unanswered.

"You're … Armitage Hux." The official's tone indicated he was still struggling to believe someone like Hux was standing in front of him, encountered in the routine performance of his duties.

"Yes." As the man clearly knew. If the documents had been switched, then he wouldn't be asking, so Hux was certain everything was in order.

"The Starkiller?" Hux didn't respond to that one. The security official went back to staring at the documents and sighed. "I don't know how you're a citizen. You can't be." He waved over one of the uniformed guards stationed at the entrance.

"I  _am_  a citizen," Hux insisted.

The official shook his head. "These documents are less than a month old. We don't even have grand marshals in the military for you to be a retired one. Should have done your research." In a bored voice, he added, "That makes your weapons license invalid as well. Smuggling is a felony, etc." He didn't even bother with the rest of the standard spiel. To the guard, he said, "Escort him to confinement. I have to escalate this. It's too weird."

Hux had no apprehension about 'confinement' – not here in the Republic where they were unlikely to lay a hand on him, but he wouldn't have had he been a prisoner of the First Order, either. Torture, interrogation, whatever they intended to do with him, he'd broken under worse so it hardly mattered. But he was fuming inside about this changing his schedule. He had people he was going to meet. Tritt was already at the hotel. He had appointments the next day to get their suits tailored and scout the location of the wedding so he had some familiarity with it before it happened, just a couple days hence. He hadn't allotted extra time to be mired in bureaucracy.

But no one here cared about his schedule. He volunteered nothing and followed directions, taking a wry, self-deprecating amusement in the memory of Ren thinking he could just waltz down to Naboo and off again when they were literally at war depending on who you asked. And maybe he could, given the Force. A single wave of his hand and a 'This is not the Hux you are looking for' would have prevented all of this. But those less fortunate had to deal with things otherwise.

Many hours and several layers of supervisors later, Kes Dameron's voice sounded on the other side of the door. "In here?" Then it opened, with Poe's father grinning broadly when he caught sight of Hux sitting in an uncomfortable chair at a small interviewing table in the middle of the otherwise bare room. "Son!" He laughed and approached Hux, arms spread wide in an obvious prelude to a hug. Hux remained sitting and leaned away with a grimace. Kes put his arms down and said loudly, "Come on! Get up. I'm bailing you out! Not even married to the lout and I'm already having to bounce you out of the pokey."

Hux stood gingerly, being accosted anyway by an unwanted embrace as soon as he did. He tolerated it stiffly as a cost of getting out of here. He decided not to comment on the several indecipherable portions of Kes' speech. Regional slang was something he'd have to pick up organically. Quietly, he said, "Thank you for coming." He wasn't technically in Kes' debt – not if they were family members, which Kes was claiming with enough volume for everyone nearby to hear. But he still appreciated it.

"No problem. I lose my deposit on the community center if you don't show up. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my night, anyway. Get woke up in the dead dark and have to get to the port half the orbit away? I live for that stuff. Brings back memories. They have a box of your things, I guess, up front. You'll need to sign off on them and then we can get out of here. How long were you in?"

"Some time," he said vaguely. It was more like half a day, but he didn't volunteer that. The only two options Hux knew for Kes' words were sarcasm or honesty, either of which meant Kes was underscoring the inconvenience of this. That Kes merely thought it was funny didn't occur to Hux.

"Yeah? Hungry?"

"I'm fine." Actually he was starving, having been allowed only water while he was held, but it was bad enough they'd asked Kes to vouch for him. (Hux had not made that request – security or some other administrative portion had in the course of verifying his purpose on the fourth moon of Yavin.) He wasn't going to beg for food as well (or the time to eat it) – not if the man was already objecting to having spent the time to come get him. The faster Hux could get on his way, the faster Kes didn't have to deal with him. Of course, he said none of this.

The official at the front station was one Hux had seen once before during the ordeal, when he'd been escorted to the refresher. His single crate of cargo – the sum of his material possessions outside of digital currency – stood to the side, opened and obviously sorted through. His previously neatly folded clothing – the main portion of the contents – was in disarray. He looked at it sadly, but there were no uniforms within to have been rendered a code violation and his wedding outfit was yet to be purchased. A portage droid waited next to the crate. The official showed him a datapad. "Put your thumb here."

"What does this authorize?" The text on the screen looked deliberately tiny and difficult to read.

"The return of your goods," she told him.

"May I see them first?"

In a tired voice, she said, "They're right there. Just put your thumb here."

With no idea when he should follow orders or object, Hux raised his hand to comply. He was interrupted when Kes took his forearm and hauled him aside with a jovial laugh. "Hey! You gotta show me what you brought me! Did you bring that brandy you mentioned?" He pulled a disconcerted, off-balance Hux over to the crate and pushed him at it. Kes looked over his shoulder at the official. "You guys didn't find that brandy, did you?"

Hux glanced at Kes and had enough presence of mind to understand the game he was playing. He hadn't promised to bring brandy or a gift of any kind. Obviously, it was a ruse to allow him to take stock of his possessions. Not sure of how long he would have at it, Hux started hurriedly going through his things, cataloguing what was there and what was not.

Kes went back over to the desk and animatedly held a mostly one-sided conversation with the official about alcoholic drinks. A few minutes later, Hux came to his side. "I had a box of data crystals. They're missing."

She looked between the two of them, made up her mind about something and then picked up the datapad. She scrolled through, looking bored as she read some entries. Then she opened a comm channel. "Bordif? I have an entry here we sent your department data crystals last shift. Did you receive them?"

An accented, non-human voice answered, "Got them, sir. Last shift, yes. They are encrypted extra. Still running breaker-breaker slicer. No data yet."

Hux bared his teeth briefly and stiffened. "I was cleared of all charges. You have no right to my information or to even attempt to access it until I am convicted."

The official frowned at Hux.

Kes smiled sweetly at her. "Can we go pick them up? Then we'll be out of your hair. I know you've got so many other things to do."

She sighed. "Bordif, can you cancel the slicer and bring them to holding?"

Whoever Bordif was answered, "Oh, by the way, they are not done. I said so, sir. Very extra encrypted."

"I know," she told him. "Bring them up here anyway. Client is discharging with goods."

"Ah, got it. Be there in a bit."

Hux sighed and settled into a parade rest to wait. Kes leaned on the counter and started exchanging pleasant small-talk with the official, who initially tried to ignore him. But by the time Bordif arrived with Hux's data cubes, she was happily sharing a story about her daughter's recent graduation from somewhere Hux hadn't listened about, and she was sorry to see Kes go. Hux counted the crystals and checked ID numbers as best he could recall them. It wasn't the sort of minutia he'd bothered to memorize. They were of First Order design, which meant they would be difficult for a security station on Yavin to duplicate on short notice.

Kes asked, "Got everything?"

"I think so." Hux gestured at his crate as he stowed the data cubes in them. "Even the blasters and my knives, amazingly enough."

"Oh, now it comes out," Kes chuckled. "They pulled you out of line for the weapons. Had nothing to do with anything else."

"I have the proper paperwork for everything," Hux said snippily. Even requiring that much was a ridiculous farce given that he could buy it all on-planet anyway, and he well knew that a variety of chartered private craft skirted the standard process all the time – sometimes because they were rich, sometimes because they were smugglers. He didn't want to lower himself to employ such a person or to pay the exorbitant rates of the wealthy-tier Republic citizens whom he despised.

But regardless of travel method, his things were his things. They were the weapons he'd practiced with and used personally for most of his life. He wanted  _these_  and not duplicates. It chafed him that he hadn't been allowed to wear his knife during transit, but at least it was safely stowed.

Kes grunted. "What's on the data cubes?" he asked in a more serious and low voice. "Important stuff?"

Hux matched his tone, "Very." He turned to leave.

Kes grabbed him by the arm again. Hux bristled, but Kes didn't seem to care anymore than he had any other time. He tugged him over to the official's desk and said, "I think he owes you a thumb print, right?"

"Yes," she told him, pointing out where Hux was to leave his mark. "And yours, too. Or do we already have that?" Her voice was more relaxed in speaking to Kes. She took the datapad back after Hux was done and scrolled through it to check.

"I should hope so," Kes told her. "I pretty much promised my firstborn son in ransom if Mr. Hux here disturbs the peace." Hux looked at Kes sharply, not happy about the implication that Poe, in addition to Kes, would pay one way or another if there was further trouble on Hux's behalf. Also, it was still strange to be called 'Mr. Hux'. Kes went on, still smiling, "Of course, if there's trouble, my son's probably going to be involved anyway so I'm not risking much."

The official set the datapad down. "Yes, you've already signed." With bored politeness, she added, "Have a nice morning."

"Is it morning already?" Kes said, glancing at the time where it showed on the datapad. "Sure is. Well, enjoy the rest of your shift, and congratulations to your daughter!"

Her impassive face broke into a brief warm smile at the mention of her daughter. Hux made a sharp signal to the portage droid and they were finally on their way.

Once they were well clear of the security station, Hux asked, "Have you heard from Poe?"

"Yep. Well, actually, a few days ago. He should be in tomorrow. Or today, I guess. If they'd held onto you a little longer, I could have picked both of you up."

"How much longer do you have to escort me?" Hux was barely restraining himself from lashing out at Poe's father over repeatedly manhandling him. Added to that, there was the humiliation of having to accept the man's help (whether he'd asked for it or not) and knowing that help entailed not only inconvenience, but also significant risk to Kes. Yet he'd done it anyway. As a result, Hux wanted to get away from him as soon as possible.

"Just to the surface. After that, you're not to leave atmosphere until they've finalized the decision about residency."

"Yes, they made sure I knew that part. They said there was a statement phase and testimony. Have you already done that?"

"Nope. But I will."

"It shouldn't be a problem!" Hux said, finally breaking enough to vent a little. "I'm marrying a citizen in good standing, a certified war hero. I know the planetary representative. We discussed my application for citizenship weeks ago. I had my legal department review this. I had everything in order!"

"And that's why you're walking out of here right now," Kes said. His voice changed a bit with Hux showing some genuine emotion. Kes' tone was more relaxed from that. "Considering, you know, who you are – walking out of here with me is like a best-case situation. This is just a formality. You'd probably run into this on any Republic world." He patted Hux on the back, smirking when Hux shied away from the third and fourth pats. "We'll get it taken care of. You sure you don't want to stay at my place?"

"Is it legally required?"

Kes gave him a sigh, rolled eyes, and a long, put-out look that Hux didn't see because he was suspiciously eyeing a group of soldiers in Alliance outfits they were passing. "No, it's not 'legally required'."

Hux heard the insulted tone, but didn't know what to do about it. "I don't want to inconvenience you further than I already have."

Kes laughed at how pricklish Hux was. "Nah. I love this. You owe me one."

Hux snarled at him. "You either help me or not. Family members do not 'owe' one another! It's the only perk of the arrangement."

"Oh? You think that's how it is?" Kes looked amused and unimpressed.

"Yes! That's-" Hux stopped where they were walking and turned to face Kes. Apprehensively, he asked, "How is it, then? How should I pay this back to you?"

Kes looked at him like he was dumb. "You don't owe me anything, Armitage."

Hux's lips pressed together tightly at the realization he no longer had any reasonable control over what people called him. "I have reservations at the hotel."

"Fine," Kes said brusquely. "I'll take you there, then." The rest of their trip to the surface was quiet.


	2. Sitting Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This takes up immediately after the last chapter of Poe/Hux Afterstory Tales, 'Balance'. They're in the backyard of the Dameron family home (Kes' house), under the boughs of the Force-sensitive uneti tree. This is the day of the wedding.

They sat with their backs to the tree and stared off at the pastoral landscape. Poe reached up and mussed Hux's hair thoroughly. Hux shut his eyes and sighed in pleasure. Poe leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I am so proud of you. You looked fabulous today."

Hux smiled. "So did you. And you do still." He leaned his shoulder against Poe's and tilted his head so they touched for a moment. "What are those creatures out in the field?" He could see the tops of their backs over the grass.

"Velderats."

Hux straightened again. His hand found Poe's and settled over it. "What are those? I've never heard of them."

"They're native to the planet. Big rats. I'm not sure how else to describe them. They live about as long as a human. They're smart. I wouldn't say sentient, but they're close. They do their own thing."

"Do they produce something?"

"No, they don't use tools."

"No, I meant like an agricultural product – milk or meat. Fur or something?"

"Oh!" Poe said. "No. No, maybe I wasn't clear. They're not livestock. They're just here. They don't have property rights, but this is their land, too."

"They're … what? Indigenous life? Why don't you get rid of them?"

Poe gave him a perplexed look, then smiled warmly. In an amused, lofty voice, Poe said, "Mr. First Order? The rest of the galaxy does not wipe out indigenous life forms just because." He waved in the direction of the animals and continued in a normal tone, "They don't hurt anyone. I suppose they could, because they have teeth, but those two have been here all along. They have names. They've had young. They watch the chickens. They share the koyo fruit. They're harmless. Like neighbors."

Hux gave him a dubious look, then gazed out at the creatures in question. "The smaller things are chickens?"

"Yeah. You know what chickens are? Little land birds?"

"Yes. Do you consider them livestock or neighbors?"

"Livestock. We eat eggs. And sometimes chickens."

Hux nodded. "We raised torfa for meat at the academy farm on Lanson. Mostly as a training exercise. Are you familiar with torfa?"

"Uh … are those turkeys? Torka?" Poe slurred the pronunciation for 'turkey'.

Hux thought about it for a long moment. "I've never heard it said that way. Torfa are bigger than chickens, still birds, non-flying. Small wings. Fleet-footed. Rather stupid, even compared to a chicken."

Poe shrugged. "Those could be turkeys. Do they have warty heads? Fan tails?"

"No warts or fanned tails. Probably different. The galaxy has no shortage of domesticated birds. We had lycabirds, too. They have fanned tails. But they were only ornamental."

"Yeah, I've seen those! Really pretty. Glossy black and green with white stripes on the tail?"

"Yes. They come in different colors. We had yellow, orange, and white ones, all with the striped tails you mention. My father said those were the colors they had on the academy grounds on Arkanis." Hux gave a chuckle. "Probably so you could see them through the rain."

"It rains a lot there?"

"So I'm told."

They were quiet for a minute, watching a large beetle drone by clumsily. Poe said gently, "Have you thought about trying to get in contact with your mother?"

"Yes."

"Did you try?"

"No. Not yet."

Poe bit his lips lightly. "I'd like to help you when you do. She'd be my mother-in-law, you know. You said you thought you got your better traits from her. She must be wonderful."

Hux breathed out tensely. "I don't know if she's alive."

"The siege wasn't that bad. I don't remember hearing it involved much in the way of bombing. Did it?"

"My  _father_  might not have left her alive – not the siege."

"Oh." Poe's voice dipped in grim realization.

Hux went on in a quiet voice. "Traumatic memories are often suppressed so thoroughly that they seem gone forever to the one involved. Sometimes they surface in other ways, like insomnia, hypervigilance, oversensitivity, and depersonalization. Or arrested emotional development. The more traumatic and emotionally rivening, the more firmly the mind tries to blot it out and the more … symptoms. We saw it often with harvested children. That's why I took such an interest in my test results – there is no organic, physical reason for my issues."

Hux swallowed. "It would also explain the desperate nature of my grief upon leaving Arkanis and the fury of my father that I would mourn her as I did. My tears would have been a continuing indictment of his sin. He forbade me to speak of her. And while all of that might be as much due to the simple act of leaving her and all I'd known of a home, the other possibility is much on my mind when I consider contacting her."

"Kriff." Poe sighed. "As long as you don't know for sure, then you can tell yourself she might be alive."

Hux nodded fractionally. He tried to put his head on Poe's shoulder, but it didn't work with their heights. Poe shifted to the side. "Here. Lie down. Put your head in my lap."

"We'll get our suits dirty," Hux objected, even though they were already sitting on the ground.

"Why should that matter?" Poe asked. "You said this was the only wedding we were getting."

"Point." Hux inclined his head.

They tried it. Poe had to move to the side further so his butt was on ground lower than Hux's back, but there was a spot on the other side of a root where he could do that. "Is that comfortable or is that root digging in?"

"I'm fine." Hux looked up at him, his features taking on an amused smile. "I've never looked at anyone from this vantage point. It's interesting how the green frames your face."

Poe petted his head, stroking his hair back from his forehead and fluffing it over his far thigh. "I like looking at you like this. It's a good position." He lifted his other hand. "Can I touch your face?"

"Yes. I've never forbidden that, have I?"

"Hm, I think you said no mouth, nose, or eyes." Poe smoothed the back of fingers along Hux's jawline. He'd shaved that morning. There was no stubble of any consequence, but it wasn't the perfect smoothness it had been earlier in the day.

Sounding (and looking) very taken with him, Hux said, "You may touch any part of me at the moment. I am making an exception. For now. I may change my mind later," he said with mock imperiousness.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Poe said, taking him up on it to touch Hux's lips with one careful finger, in one simple touch. For a few quiet minutes, Hux breathed deep and happy while Poe touched the contours of the man's face, cheeks and temple and forehead. It was a degree of intimacy he'd never been allowed to have before. Poe swallowed and felt his eyes burn a little. Hux shivered when Poe ran his thumb up the ridge of his nose. He lifted his hand away. "You okay?"

"Yes. It's … strange. How much do you intend to touch?"

"Everything you'll let me." Poe put his hand on Hux's shoulder. "But how about I save the rest until the next time you're feeling like making an exception?"

"Mm." Hux reached up and rubbed over his face.

"Ticklish?"

"Just not something I'm used to."

Poe rubbed his shoulder lightly. "Someday, you will be used to it. And I will know your face in the dark."

Hux stared up at him raptly. "That's beautiful, Poe."

"So are you, Armitage."

Hux's face creased into a smile and then further into something of a grimace. He turned it to the side and sniffed. His eyes were 'leaking' again. "I really don't know what's wrong with me today."

Poe reached down and tugged out Hux's handkerchief, as Poe's had gone MIA earlier. Hux took it from him and wiped his eyes. Poe told him, "There's nothing wrong. You just married the second greatest guy in the galaxy." He smiled arrogantly. "That can be a lot for anyone to handle. I mean, you're so lucky. I'd be crying, too, if I married me."

Hux snorted. "Am I supposed to be the first in this fantasy of yours?"

"Supposed to be? Of course you are. And no, it's not a fantasy." Poe showed him his wedding ring, still grinning. "You gave me this. It's reality, buddy."

"Well, it still feels like a fantasy to me," Hux said. He tried to fold up the hanky but it was difficult to do from lying down. He laid it over his belly instead.

Poe went back to petting Hux's hair. "I think you're going to be a natural at flying."

"Why do you say that? Is it because of that thing I asked you not to speak of?"

"No." Poe shook his head. "I'm not talking about that, because you asked me 'not to speak of it'." Poe mimicked Hux's accent for the words forbidding mention of the Force. "I'm talking about how you're sharp. You focus well. You're willing to learn new things. If the negotiation stuff is any indication, you're a good student."

"Is that a Force trait?"

"I'm … not sure?"

"Ren was a good student as well. And the knights – they logged more time in simulations and training than the best of my officers. They were bizarrely well-educated for what they were. They were all very dedicated. I admired that."

"Dedication. Yeah, you have that. And beyond that, you're careful. Conscientious." Poe moved his hand down to Hux's, touching over the top of it. After a pause, Hux turned his hand over, offering it palm up. Poe smiled, swallowed, and sighed to see that. "You're so open with me," he said, his voice strained. He took Hux's hand.

"It's only a 'you' thing. I wanted to stab Finn in the heart earlier for walking in on us."

"I saw that." Poe nodded. "Thank you for not … not killing my friends at our wedding." Poe laughed. "That would have been awkward."

Hux chuckled along with him.

"But with you," Poe said, "I really feel like I've earned your trust each time you share it with me. I really enjoy being careful with you. It's like threading a needle. I like it. I like proving to myself that I can do it."

"My hesitation will fade. I am growing accustomed to you."

Poe shrugged a shoulder. "And then I'll have other things to marvel over. Like your flying." He gave Hux's hand a gentle squeeze. "You have good hands." He bent his head down. "That night after the gala, when you had my nuts in your hand?" Poe grinned naughtily. "That's how I know you'll be a good pilot."

"Because of your nuts?"

"Yeah." Poe straightened. "I've had other people grab me there. Some of them?" Poe released Hux's hand to make a tight, gripping motion above him where Hux could see. "It hurts. They take hold and just-" He bared his teeth in a grimace. "And when it's another guy, especially, I'm just 'what the hell are you doing? You should know better!', but not everyone understands how what they do effects someone else. There are others who only-" Poe moved his hand rapidly in a rubbing or stroking motion. "They don't give me anything firm."

He put his hand back on Hux's. "But you gave it to me just right. You backed off when you were concerned you'd done too much, but went right back to it when I asked. You pay attention and you adjust. That's why you'll be a great pilot."

"Are you going to judge all of your students thusly, by having them handle your testicles prior to their first lessons?"

Poe laughed. "No, no, no! Not going there. I don't think I'd have many students then, anyway."

"Just make sure to include a picture of your face in your advertisements. I think you'll have as many students as you need."

"I've got a question I was thinking about the other day, about the First Order and morality. Can I run that by you?"

"Certainly."

"Okay. So, someone hits someone else. Superior officer to subordinate, with witnesses. What happens? From what you've said, everyone just goes about their business, victim picks themselves up and goes on, that sort of thing."

"Yes."

"Is there any social censure of the superior officer?"

"No."

"What about informally? People avoid them? Talk bad about them? Don't sit next to them in the lunchroom?"

"Not unless they had a personal stake in the matter. It is very bad form to strike someone else's subordinate, by the way. Some commanding officers will take revenge, which is frowned on, but the Order tended to look the other way on such things."

"Really? Okay. So no formal action against a guy for assaulting someone else's subordinate, but you might get a sock party."

"A sock party?"

"You and your friends each get a sock, put rocks or sand in it, and thump the living daylights out of someone."

"Oh. Yes. Wire whips were more common in the Order."

"Ouch. That can lay the skin open."

"That's the point," Hux chuckled.

"I thought the point was to hurt them without leaving marks."

"No, that's exactly  _not_  the point. The point is to hurt  _and_  leave marks. But they're shallow and can be healed quickly enough if you're willing to go to the medbay, whereupon the injuries are logged for your commanding officer to see. That brings questions one might not wish to answer." Hux waggled his brows at the danger involved in that. "But if you don't go the medbay, the lacerations might infect and they'll definitely scar."

"You guys have this all thought out," Poe observed. Hux shrugged. Poe went on, "Okay, then this thing about the kneeling. You said no one could see me, that it was demeaning and stuff. I got the impression from that if other people know I worship the ground you walk on, they'll think less of me. Is that right?"

"Ah, hm. I had told my people to show you respect no matter what." Hux's shoulders tensed against Poe's leg and his voice hardened. "They did, did they not?"

"They did," Poe reassured. "They always did. They were fine."

"Good." Hux relaxed again.

"So is this about oral sex? Giving it? Being the receiving party?"

"That's an aspect of it, but mainly it's a prisoner's pose. As I said. It's about begging, being defenseless, and having nothing to offer. You're showing you can be taken advantage of freely."

"Okay." Poe thought about it for a moment, then asked, "How do people ask for help?"

"Quietly. Behind closed doors. With people you trust."

"You don't trust my dad, do you?"

"I've met him twice, three times if you count today, and he's tried to start arguments with me two of those times, going so far as to physically assault me once."

"He assaulted you?"

"At the port. He pushed me, seized me, and touched me without my leave. I was not injured."

"Oh. Yeah." Poe chewed his lip. "That sounds just like him."

"He has also questioned your judgment and told disparaging tales about you. He has the right, but it rankles."

Poe smiled and rubbed Hux's shoulder.

Hux moved the subject away from Poe's father. "Asking for help is an arrangement. You offer future favors or services in exchange for them helping you. Someone on their knees is saying or proving they have nothing to offer in return. They're begging for mercy. It's only 'mercy' if it is given without restitution. Otherwise, it's not mercy at all but self-interest."

" _Restitution_. Like payback. You know I didn't name that ship, right? That's the name it had when it was given over to our service."

Hux shrugged a little. "It's only payback in the sense of returning something that properly belonged to another. In the case of granting assistance, making restitution would be returning the favor. But in the case of your ship, you handed back the children of the First Order to the galaxy."

Poe smiled. "Seriously? I thought it meant 'The Revenge', basically. I didn't like the name."

"Restitution has a component of justice that revenge does not. It's an easily muddled subject. As is mercy and forgiveness." Hux sighed. "You never placed any conditions on me. If you asked anything of me, it was so easy to provide that I have forgotten it." Hux reached up and touched over Poe's chin, then cupped his face.

"You were never doing anything wrong," Poe said dreamily.

"You only think that because you've bothered to understand the situation. It's indefensible according to those who don't. There are so many of them that I sometimes wonder if we blew up the wrong system."

"You're joking?"

"Oh yes. I hit them exactly where I needed to. But why all these questions about morality in the Order, anyway? Things will change as they phase into government service."

"It doesn't matter what they're doing now. This is about you." Poe put his hand on the center of Hux's chest. "And me bothering to understand. I get to live with you now. Since I'd like that to be a happy thing, I need to figure out what's right and wrong where you're from so I know when we need to talk about things. Like with the velderats. Or like if we get an ice cream shop, I need to talk to you about not hitting the employees."

Hux snorted softly. "You have strong feelings about that?"

"Yes, I do. You're right that I haven't put conditions on you, but you were in the First Order. It wasn't my business. If you don't know where my feelings about things don't line up with everything you've known in your life, then we could end up with problems we don't need. That's why I want to talk about this stuff."

Hux chuckled. "No killing of the indigenous life. No hitting our employees. No killing our friends at the wedding. The day's not even done and you have a list of requirements for me. They're so onerous that I don't know what I'll do with myself." Hux stretched and wove a hand under Poe's calf, looking relaxed and unbothered.

Poe exhaled and said softly, "I'd like to say they're not requirements. But those might be deal-breakers if they ever happened, Hugs."

"As long as you allow reasonable exceptions for self-defense, then I agree with your rules."

"They aren't rules," Poe said, "and I feel stupid for arguing about that. They're things I have strong feelings about."

"I would prefer to think of them as rules. May I do that?"

"Um … yeah. I just don't want you to feel … forced."

"If they are deal-breakers, then I want to think of them with the gravity that requires. That's how my mind works."

"Oh." Poe lifted his head at a motion, seeing his father walk around the corner of the house. "My dad must have walked home."

Hux pulled his hand out from under Poe's leg and scrambled to a sitting position.

"Hey, what- You don't- You don't have to get up," Poe told him.

"I don't want him to see me this way," Hux hissed.

For a moment, Poe and Hux watched as Kes continued towards them at a slow pace. He was far enough away not to hear them yet, so Poe said in a low voice, "Quick question. So if one of us was the hitting type, would that be something you wouldn't want anyone to see?"

"He's your father," Hux whispered back. "I think he'd have something to say about that."

"Okay, then I'm the one hitting you," Poe said quickly, wanting to get an answer before his father was close. "What about that?"

"I killed my father for that, among other things."

"It's hypothetical!"

Hux shot another look at Kes, gaging his distance, before saying, "If that was something you did and it was a feature of the relationship, then it would happen when it happened."

Poe waited a few beats, then breathed out, "That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around."

Hux turned and gave him a brief, perplexed look. "Affection is private. Violence is not."

"How you guys doing?" Kes called out as a greeting, probably because they were obviously whispering urgently to one another.

"Fine," they both answered simultaneously.

Poe said to Hux, "I'm going to brush some stuff off your back."

"Am I dirty?"

"No, you're fine." Poe ran his hand down Hux's back more than he needed to, touched over his neck, and the back of his arms. "Mostly, I just want to touch you some more and I'm thinking of ways I can get away with it."

Kes took a seat on the bench of the picnic table. It put him a little far away for casual conversation, but he stared off into the distance instead of at them.

"Can I still touch you?" Poe asked. "Bare-handed? Or is that just for the Order?"

Hux eyed Kes suspiciously. He was close enough to hear. Hux huffed and answered anyway, "Yes, of course. I don't intend to wear gloves again. If I can stand it." He gathered up the handkerchief that had fallen and fastidiously began to fold it.

"What can I do to help you?" Poe asked, putting a hand lightly on Hux's forearm.

Hux finished folding. "Stay with me. This is all … difficult."

Poe nodded and patted him. He stayed sitting with Hux and looked to his father. "How did things end up? Um, wait, should we have stayed and made sure things didn't get out of hand? I think we just left a bunch of mortal enemies in a room together, unsupervised, with drinks and cake."

Kes chuckled. "They split into their respective groups and went out for separate nights on the town or whatever it is they're doing. They made a mess of the place first, but no one was hurt."

"How bad?" Poe asked, at the same time Hux asked, "Who started it?"

"I'm not getting the security deposit back." Kes looked to Hux. "As for that? I don't know. Somewhere along the line, they started throwing knives at the wall and arguing about it – aim, fairness, whose turn it was, whether or not forks counted." Kes shook his head. "I didn't realize how many of them were carrying actual blades."

Hux and Poe both laughed. They knew their friends. They knew each other. It was frankly more surprising the wedding had gone off without a problem than anything else.

Kes got to his feet. "I'll go see what I've got for dinner. You guys come on in when you want."

They waited while he walked off. Poe asked, "Did you eat this morning?"

"I had some caf."

"Nothing else?" Hux shook his head. Poe said, "No wonder you passed out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My software tells me 'rivening' is not a word. But it said the same about 'besotten'. Hux learned more language skills from old holos and books than he did from talking with people. What amuses me as a writer is that I've never used either of those words myself. But they fit for him.


	3. Chaka Sauce

"I warmed up some canned chaka sauce for dinner," Kes said. "Are you okay with that or should I dig around and see what else I have?"

"The names of the dishes mean little to me so far," Hux answered. "A saying for children in the Order might apply: 'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.'" Hux smiled thinly. "I will eat whatever you serve."

Kes looked at him for a long moment, then darted his eyes over to Poe. Poe said, "Nothing with an exoskeleton. Nothing strongly flavored. Nothing that requires a knife. No confections."

"Confections?" Kes asked. "Do I look like the kind of man who serves confections?"

"You even remembered the words I used, at lunch on Naboo," Hux said with a warmer smile to Poe. "That was our first civil conversation."

Kes asked as he heated the soup, "That's a whole list of 'no'. Is there anything you do like?"

"Bitter and sour. And/or, I should have said. And savory. Protein and starch is fine."

"That's good. Protein and starch is what you're about to get." Kes ladled the lumpy brown soup into bowls. He handed Hux a pair of puck-shaped breads – mealy biscuits of some kind. Hux set them down next to his bowl and furtively watched how Poe prepared his food, copying his use of the table spices without any understanding of what he was adding.

Kes asked loudly, "Is it true the Imperials ate Ewoks?"

"What?" Hux looked up at him, blinking.

Poe chortled into his hand like this was an old joke. "Dad, really?"

Kes said, "No, really, I want to know. Who else can I ask?" He turned back to Hux. "Have you ever eaten Ewok?"

"The, um," Hux was still trying to figure out the question, "primitive bipeds from Endor?"

"Yeah. Those."

Hux had figured out, as well, that he was being insulted. Stiffly he answered, "I have no idea what the Imperials ate!"

"Have you ever eaten one?"

"No."

"Does the First Order eat them?"

"No."

"Huh. But you think maybe the Imperials did."

"Let it go, Dad," Poe said.

Hux ignored Kes and looked to Poe. "Where did your biscuit go?" While he'd been distracted, one of Poe's had disappeared. It seemed too quick for him to have eaten it.

"Crumble it up and stir it into the sauce," Poe answered. Hux nodded and followed suit.

"Ah, you're no fun," Kes complained.

Hux looked up at him cautiously. "I'm still trying to work out if this is a few cannibalism jokes between friends or an interrogation I'm going to pay for later."

"You married my son," Kes said with a patronizing tilt of his head. "We're friends."

Hux looked at him uncertainly for a moment, then turned to his food. He put a spoonful of the stuff in his mouth. He mulled it around thoughtfully and swallowed without commenting on it.

Kes returned to the ribbing, "Is it really cannibalism if it's an Ewok?"

"Yes."

"Is it because it's intelligent?"

"Yes," Hux said through clenched teeth.

"You use one-word answers a lot, don't you?"

Hux answered tensely, "You act like someone with a grudge."

Kes looked from Hux to Poe. Poe was giving his father an angry stare. Poe said, "Yep. You do. I know you've joked about this for years, but you're being a jerk."

"You're going to call me that at my own table?" Kes asked.

"Yes. I just did," Poe said, and now Hux was the one glancing at him for the challenging tone he was directing to his father.

"You're saying this is in poor taste, aren't you?" Kes said. Hux smiled just a little, around the edges. "Ah!" Kes pointed at Hux's face. "That's what I was looking for."

Hux's expression softened. "Was all that lead-up just for that one, tasteless joke?"

Kes grinned at him. "Sort of. I've never had someone at my dinner table who might actually know. I've talked to people who said they knew somebody who knew somebody in the Empire who knew someone else who was there when they were building that second Death Star when they supposedly used to do that … but is it true? If it is, then I need to re-enlist and hunt some people down."

Hux eyed him warily. "May I speak freely?"

"Always." Kes gave him the sort of small smile Poe used when he was about to get in a fight. It made Poe sit up straighter and look worriedly between the two of them.

Hux started slowly. "I cannot speak to what deviants might have done, far away and long ago, but what you are referring to was never an accepted practice in the Empire." With a snarl and a glare, he gave his words more intensity. "Civilized beings do not consume other sentient life! We're not monsters and that you believe we might be to that degree is offensive and honestly, threatening! I'm familiar with the use of propaganda. Outrage and moral indignation is one of the most powerful levers. That you mention your desire to re-enlist and kill because of it is  _telling_." He ended with his voice dripping with disdain.

"Oh, that kind of pisses you off, does it?" Kes said with a toothy grin, like he'd just seen something he'd been hoping for.

"Dad!" Poe's tone was admonishing.

Hux just glared at Kes, then looked down and huffed at his soup. He went back to eating.

Kes looked at the warning look Poe was giving him. In a less provocative tone, he said, "Okay. So what you're saying is I'm being played, and nothing like that ever happened."

"Yes." Hux gave him a guarded look from over his food. Poe touched his forearm and Hux twitched away from him. Poe went back to eating, unbothered by the rejection. To Kes, Hux said, "Do you have any interest in the answer or have you gotten what you wanted out of this?"

Kes' eyes narrowed and then he tilted his head in curiosity. "What else is there?" He caught himself and rephrased, "Yeah, I'm interested."

"I do happen to know what Imperials ate. What they did not eat was sentient beings of any kind. In most cases, they ate heavily processed composite foods derived from cellular agricultural processes. As it has been heavily disparaged due to appearance and consistency, the Order took a slightly different route."

Kes looked genuinely interested, the contentiousness having faded.

Hux went on, "However, the First Order food system does not include sentient beings  _either_. Actual chordates make up a very small portion and are generally only used for luxury foods, of which we have precious few, and cell harvesting for cultured protein. The vast majority of protein we consume is derived similarly to that of the Empire, although it is presented more cosmetically. The substrate is chaff-sponge and the raw materials are grown on the farm worlds. It's mostly sweetgrass and corn."

Kes seemed surprised. "You know what goes into making artificial protein?"

"Why is that so strange? Do you not know the ingredients in this chocolate sauce?"

Kes looked down at the food with his brows furrowed, then up at Hux with a bemused expression.

Poe said to Hux, "Chaka sauce. It's a meat gravy. Not chocolate."

"No," Kes said. "I like that. I'm going to call it chocolate sauce from now on. Looks like it. It's brown, at least." He laughed to himself: "'Chocolate sauce'."

"Well?" Hux said in an angry tone, "do you know what is in it, no matter what you call it?"

"Oh yeah. Ewok."

Hux put his spoon down and fumed. He stared at the table and did nothing. Poe put his hand on the table next to Hux's forearm, but not on it. "Hey. He's joking. You know that, right?"

"Yes." He kept staring at the table, but he moved his arm to bump it into Poe's. Poe immediately put his hand on him and stroked lightly.

"Okay." Poe gave his father a heated glare and kept his hand on Hux's arm.

Kes rolled his eyes and said, "I'm sorry."

"I don't accept your apology. There's no need for one. It's your house. You may say what you wish." Hux picked up his spoon and went back to eating. He kept his eyes down and didn't move the arm Poe was touching.

"You don't …" Kes looked confused, because people just didn't refuse apologies like that where he was from.

Poe continued frowning at his father.

Kes said, "How? I don't understand. What?" He looked at Poe because Hux resolutely wasn't looking at him. "You can't just not …"

"Yeah, he can," Poe said. "What would you do, Dad, if your father-in-law was badgering you over dinner about something horrible like that and acting at least half-serious about it?"

"I don't know. Punch me in the nose?"

"He has to sleep here tonight."

"I do not  _have_  to," Hux said quietly.

"Whoa," Kes said, bringing up his hands in surrender. "I didn't know you were that offended. I'm sorry." He sounded sincere this time.

Hux put his spoon down again and looked to Poe, ignoring Kes. "What am I supposed to do?"

Poe looked over at his father for a long moment, then back to Hux. "Just relax. Eat your dinner. Come to bed with me. Don't worry about it. You're just getting off on the wrong foot with each other. You and me did, too, back in the beginning. I said some really awful things to you. But you gave me another chance. Or maybe another five or six chances."

Hux looked between Poe's eyes for a moment, then turned to Kes. "I accept your second apology." With formulaic politeness, he added, "The soup is good, whatever is in it. I thank you for it."

"No problem," Kes said, subdued. The rest of dinner was quiet.


	4. Domestic Defeats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would be the next morning after the wedding day (and events of chapters 2 and 3).
> 
> Context for those who haven't read the rest: At some intervening point, Poe had Rey confirm for him that he (Poe) had enough sensitivity to the Force that he could use it if he trained to do so. He has not trained to do so. He's been busy on things and has his own reasons. Poe also suspects Hux has the same latent ability and told Hux this. Hux told Poe to quit talking about the Force. Which Poe has, but then Hux keeps bringing it up.

Hux stood at the glass door, looking into the back yard. The uneti tree arched over everything, but the dark beneath it felt tranquil and still rather than gloomy or frightening. That it managed to do this even shrouded in fog, when it should have been intimidating as could be, was interesting. Hux sipped his drink and considered it.

Finding that he was a potential part-custodian of a Force tree was annoying. He hadn't intended to sign up for that. Had he known, he wouldn't have gotten married the day before. He might have still been with Poe. Might not. Poe obviously didn't understand the depths of Hux's feelings on the matter. Hux wasn't sure their relationship would have survived his refusal, because refuse he would have with no assurance that the great hulking life form was not some Snoke in disguise.

Then there was the matter of Poe springing the pilot's own potential Force sensitivity on him. The lack of prior disclosure was less frightening and more understandable, even if the possible power was a larger concern. Poe had known this thing about himself for some time – anywhere from yesterday morning to most of a year ago. Hux couldn't remember how explicit he'd been in front of Poe about his hatred of the Force, but he was fairly sure Poe knew from the start. His omission of mentioning this was …

Hux smiled. It started grim, then turned amused, then warm. He couldn't blame Poe for not telling him. He obviously must have rightfully feared Hux wouldn't continue with him. And so he'd kept his mouth shut until hours after Hux had promised not to leave him. It was, if anything, a statement about Poe's fear of losing him that led him to keep that bit of information to himself. He was otherwise honest.

Which meant Hux believed him about having not thought much about the tree. He wasn't currently responsible for it. It had been smaller when he'd last seen it. It didn't seem to do much of anything, despite Hux's certainty it was exerting a mild mental presence over the place. And out of sight, out of mind. Plus, he'd shown a little more awareness that it might upset Hux to find out. As far as Hux had been able to tell, Poe hadn't thought his little revelation about having the Force personally would matter at all – not in the face of accusing Hux of being the same. In fact, it had to be that belief that had led Poe to come clean after all.

Hux sipped his drink. In the background, he heard a door open, one of the manual, sliding doors on rollers the house used. He couldn't tell if it was the bedroom he was sharing with Poe, or if it was Kes'. Then: Kes. It was the casual padding of slippered feet – too careless to be an attempt at stealth, and in any account, not the way Poe walked. Plus Poe didn't have slippers as far as Hux knew. An unwelcome, unbidden memory of Snoke's padded shoes flitted through his mind. He shuddered.

A round, furry creature twice the size of a mouse droid lumbered across the yard, becoming visible through the thinning fog. Dawn was approaching. Hux was glad of the distraction, staring at it fixedly.

"Oh!" Kes turned on the light in the kitchen behind him. Hux continued to look out, watching the animal. It didn't react to the light streaming out of the windows. Kes said, "Hey. What are you doing standing there in the dark?"

"Standing here in the dark." Hux was dressed in a black and charcoal robe over equally black and charcoal pajamas. His feet were bare. He, also, did not own slippers. He hoped it was appropriate clothing for being around the house. There were so many basic things he didn't know about how to live with these people – what he should object to, what he should ignore and go along with. Although he could theoretically go virtually anywhere in the galaxy he wanted if things didn't work here, he wanted them to work. He took another sip.

The older man snorted at Hux's answer and shuffled around in the cabinets, making kitchen noises.

Hux supposed that wasn't the most polite thing to say to his host, despite the tension of the previous night (and before that, and before that). He tried to offer better conversation. "I saw antelope, or something like them, cross the yard earlier. Are they livestock or neighbors?"

Kes chuckled. "Neighbors, I guess. Big ones or little ones?" When Hux turned and looked at him, Kes held a hand up at chest level. "Big ones are this tall at the back. Little ones down here." He moved his hand to mid-thigh.

"Big ones."

"We call them lope-deer. They're wild." Kes looked at the caf-maker with a perplexed look. "What are you drinking?"

Hux moved to the entrance of the kitchen, watching in case Kes did something he wanted to see. "Hot water."

Kes nodded airily. "Got it." He gave a pained smile and scratched the back of his neck. To Hux's eyes, it was a similar gesture to Poe scratching his forehead. The 'got it' was similar, too. As he had said in the recording he'd sent a few months back, he was able to see the echoes of Poe's behavior in his father. Kes said, "Couldn't figure out how to operate the caf-maker, huh?"

"It is not a model I am familiar with, no." Not that it had bothered Hux too much. He wasn't one of those people who went to pieces if they couldn't start their day with caf.

"Come here," the older man said gently. The tone stuck out to Hux, who came the rest of the way into the kitchen, with more interest and less defensiveness than he would have had for an order. It was a different way of speaking to him than Kes had used before.

The older man went to the freezer and pulled out a container. "I keep the powder in the freezer. Keeps better. When I'm here by myself, I don't drink enough of it to keep it out, because I don't like the taste of the shelf-stable stuff. This stuff will go bad after a while if I leave it out." He opened the package. "It goes in this compartment. One scoop." He demonstrated. Hux watched attentively.

Kes said, "Then you turn it on. Looks like you did everything else right before if you got hot water." He resealed the container. "You like caf?"

"Yes." Hux waited a long beat, then swallowed and made himself speak further for the sake of conversation. "The stuff they had on Coruscant at the conferences was delicious. I usually prefer tea and I brought some, but it's in the room. Poe has been a light sleeper in the past, so I didn't want to risk going back in for it." Even if it came out as a disjointed ramble, it was at least something more than the one-word answers Kes had indicated disapproval of.

Kes leaned on the counter and regarded him as they waited for the caf to percolate. "He always sleeps like a log when he's here. So do I. You get away from the stress of everything out there," Kes waved in the opposite direction, away from them, "and you can finally relax. I was glad you guys chose to have the wedding here. Good that you're staying here a while, too. Sorry I was an ass last night."

Hux nodded and took another sip of his hot water while they waited. He didn't know what to say to what sounded like regret rather than an apology, so he said nothing. He pondered Kes attributing the stress of the world to the direction away from the uneti tree. He supposed if you lived here your whole life, then you'd get used to it and it would seem, as Poe had said 'how home was.'

"How did you sleep?" Kes asked after a while.

"Well enough." This was not exactly true, but he didn't know what the dream (or visitation) meant. He'd talk to Poe about it later. But not Kes. Not yet.

"That's good. Big day yesterday. Probably wrung you out. How do you normally sleep?"

"Less well." Hux considered that while two-word answers were an improvement, they probably weren't what Kes wanted out of him.

Kes considered that. "You're up early, at least."

"I'm not in the habit of getting what most consider to be a full night of sleep, nightmares or no."

"You have nightmares about … what you've done?" It wasn't an accusation or mocking.

Hux gave him a long look, wondering if the existence of his nightmares was something he shouldn't disclose. He'd thought of it as no more of a secret than any other symptom of his maladjusted life. And he'd needed to say something. Kes returned the look. Hux shook his head finally. "I have nightmares about what others have done. Or might do. I should not have mentioned them?" He wasn't sure if he could trust Kes' to give him guidance on social norms like that, but he couldn't see that it would hurt to ask.

"Mention whatever you want." Which was not helpful. Kes turned to get a cup for himself, then filled it with caf. When he was done, Hux poured out his hot water and upgraded. Kes asked, "Do you sleep walk?" He added what looked like tan gumdrops to his caf.

"No. Why?"

"Just wondering. Shara used to do that when she and I first met, but it stopped after we got out here. It's fine to find you awake out here, but if I'm going to find you walking around asleep, I'd like to know ahead of time. Lots of people have disturbed sleep coming out of combat situations, but I don't know what you're coming out of. I haven't lived with anyone in years, you know. I have a little adjustment to do as well. Or maybe a lot." He offered the gumdrops. "Want some? It's nut honey. It melts in the caf and sweetens it."

"No." Hux sipped his black. "This is good as it is. As I said last night, I prefer bitter flavors."  _Sweets are for babies,_  his father had sneered at him. Armitage had taken pride in drinking adult beverages most of his youth. Once Brendol was dead, he'd tried other things, but not found them to his liking overall.

Kes leaned against the counter, and for the next five or ten minutes, neither spoke. It didn't feel awkward to Hux, who was glad of not having to hold a conversation where he didn't know the rules. He found his thoughts cycling back to the uneti tree, the Force, and the dream he'd had. He suspected it was reading his mind and dredging up these memories he'd previously kept banished. He wished he knew what it wanted, but he could have said the same of Snoke.

The dream had seemed more about his own insecurities than anything else. Hux thought he could sense the thing looming outside, but try as he might, he couldn't long hang onto the image of it as a crouching monster. It was just a tree. Just a creature. A living being. Like the velderats. Something he wasn't supposed to kill, or remove, or ignore. He was supposed to co-exist with it. Like with Kes. He glanced over at the man and wondered about how difficult that would ultimately be.

"You're a quiet one," Kes said in a low voice after so much time in silence had passed between them.

Hux gave a pained smile and studied his caf. It wasn't as good as the stuff he'd had on Coruscant, but it was better than in the Order. "I suppose I should speak?"

"Do you want to?" It was that same gentle tone he'd used to lure Hux into the kitchen earlier. It urged words out of Hux that he hadn't even known he had to say.

"I had a … friend in the Order whom I would sit with for most of our meals. We often did not speak to each other at all. It was very soothing." His smile turned sad. "We had a game we'd play with one another where we'd say the fewest words possible to get across our meaning. She wore her mask even when she took it off. I didn't mind. Most of the others did. They couldn't stop digging at things a person might prefer to leave buried. That's why we sat together." He missed her, which was odd to realize.

"Was she at the wedding?"

"Yes."

"Phasma?" Kes guessed.

"Yes."

"I saw her. You have interesting friends."

"Is that a euphemism for something?" It was only a question; no edge to Hux's voice.

"Not really. By 'interesting', I mean 'people I don't understand' and so they're interesting. That 'wearing a mask even when she takes it off' – that's a good way to put it. You do that too, you know." Hux looked at him warily. Kes smiled a little. "But you take it off when you look at my son."

Hux drew in a deep breath and let it out with a slow nod.

Kes said, "You want to make breakfast in bed for Poe?"

Hux looked at him uncertainly. "That would wake him up."

"That's the idea."

Hux's brows drew together. "Why would I make breakfast in his bed?"

Kes' face contorted, colored, and he looked down as he chewed his lip as he successfully stifled his laughter. He glanced up when he had himself under control. "Are you joking? Because that's a good one."

Hux studied him seriously, feeling the familiar heat of embarrassment at being a laughing stock – no different here than in the Order. He'd hoped to get away from that, but apparently it was not to be. "No. Perhaps we could suspend jokes between us until we know each other better?"

Kes nodded. "I agree." He snickered a little anyway. "But to explain, we make the breakfast  _out here_  and you take it to him  _in there_  to eat in bed."

"Ah." Hux looked at the man for a long moment. "I appreciate you not laughing at me, or at least trying not to." Maybe he could encourage some restraint on Kes' part. "Yes. I would like to do that."

Kes sniffed and wiped at his eyes. "You ever done that before – eaten in bed with him?"

"I've had food trays brought to our room, but we ate at the table."

Kes gave him a look like he expected Hux to say more, but Hux just set his cup next to the sink and waited for instructions at a semblance of attention. Kes gave himself a little shake and asked, "Okay. Well, let's make something easy to carry and hard to spill. I have bread. Do you want to make toast?"

"How is that done?"

"Um …" Kes blinked at him a couple times like he was re-calibrating internally. "Let's go simpler, then. Do you know how to use a knife?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Then get in the cooler there and find the jama melon towards the bottom. I'll make the toast. You cut up the fruit." Kes set out a chef's knife and a resin board while Hux searched the cooler. There was only one thing that looked like a melon, so he pulled that out and set it on the board. He checked the knife. It was serviceable, but huge for what he was used to.

Kes gave further instructions: "Cut off the peel. It's about a dekan deep … Wait, no. Cut the whole fruit in half. Scoop out the seeds. Cut the rind off the whole thing. It's about a finger's width deep. Then dice the fruit in bite-size pieces. Does that make sense?"

"Yes." Hux knew what a dekan was – units of measure in different districts of the galaxy had been one of the things covered in his engineering training. But he kept his mouth shut and appreciated the directions. It's not like he knew what a jama melon was. Well, he knew now. He cut it open, then scooped out the seeds with his hand. It was a messy business, but he'd always heard cooking was. That's why it was left to droids, primitives, and experts. He turned to Kes. "What do I do with these?"

Kes looked at his hand pointedly, trying to suppress a smile and doing badly at it.

"I did something wrong?" That was obvious from Kes' expression.

"I forgot to give you a spoon for the seeds." Kes shook his head and swallowed his amusement. "Nothing wrong. That bucket over there. That's the stuff that goes out to the chickens. They love the seeds. Us humans? Not so much. Put the rind in there, too, when you cut it off. The velderats will eat it if the chickens don't get to it first."

Hux did so, returning to the melon. The rind came off easily enough, although his statement about being able to use a knife turned out to be less true than he'd thought. Stabbing people and target dummies with a combat blade bore little similarity to dicing and peeling fruit with the huge-bladed thing Kes had given him. The glances he shot Kes didn't reveal if he was doing it correctly or not. Kes had gotten out a spread and a plate while a machine heated the bread. Preparing the toast looked even simpler than the fruit, so Hux wasn't sure why the labor had been divided as it had.

Kes gestured at the plate and said, "Put the pieces here." Kes anointed four pieces of toast with a spread and stacked them in two pairs. He set a fork in the middle of the plate as Hux added green melon chunks to the side. "Go ahead and put the rest of it on there. This is for both of you."

Hux frowned. The spread applied to the toast appeared to be jelly and a lot of it. He wasn't sure he wanted to eat that.

Kes looked between Hux and the plate as though trying to make out what he was looking at, then asked, "Do you know how he takes his caf?"

Hux switched his face to neutrality. "No. He never objected to the version the Order serves, which is black and plain." He'd seen options and additives offered at the conferences, so he knew what Kes was asking.

Kes smiled a little as he poured up a cup. "Did he eat often with you guys? You have an officer's table or something?"

"Officer's mess hall. But no. I would have meals brought to the room, as I said."

"All of them?"

"Yes. Poe's access to the ship was limited."

"I'd wondered how you handled that. He wasn't very specific." Kes found a platter in a cabinet and put the cup and plate on it as a tray. "Was it normal to have people like him aboard?"

"We had non-Order people on and off ship quite often. Import/export transports, visiting dignitaries, consultants, prisoners, refugees. They're generally confined to certain areas or given an escort responsible for them. That was the case with Poe. He was in my direct company at nearly all times."

"It was nice talking with you this morning. And not talking to you, too." Kes handed him the tray. "Go wake him up."


	5. Dreaming

Hux brought in the tray and pulled the door shut behind him. His presence in the room woke Poe, who rolled over and blinked at him. "Good morning," Hux said.

"Good morning." Poe scratched at his scalp and scooted up the bed. He blinked as he looked at the food. "Have you been up for a while?"

"Some." Hux put the tray on the nightstand, then sat on the side of the bed.

"How did you sleep?"

Hux didn't answer, but only looked at Poe pensively. Poe looked back at him, realizing something was up. A long, quiet moment passed before Hux pulled back the corner of the cover. He climbed in bed like a child and huddled against Poe with his arms folded in front of himself rather than holding his husband.

Poe put his arms around him. "That bad, huh?"

"I have had many thoughts I would have rather not had. Some in my sleep. Some awake." Hux adjusted his head so it was against Poe's chest and under his chin. "I need to talk about them with you."

"Go ahead."

"I dreamt I stood before your tree with my knife. I told it I was going to slice its throat. I knew I could take my blade, it has a monomolecular edge you see, and cut all the way around the trunk through the cambium, then again a bit above that, and peel back a strip like it was skin on a nerf. Then it would bleed red blood as it died. I showed it this using a holoprojector I had from somewhere. It was quite vivid. In the manner of dreams, I knew the tree agreed that would work and that it wouldn't stop me.

"I knew also that it would be sad for me if I killed it. I told it that it didn't need to be sad for me, because I'd had a very good life, full of accomplishment and meaning. That I had done impossible things, reached the greatest heights, and carried out my duty with honor – even in the face of death, torment, or the realization of my worst fears. I had nothing to regret. This being, obviously, a somewhat romanticized version of my past. It was a dream, after all."

"Doesn't sound romanticized to me," Poe said. "Go on."

"The tree asked me why I was arguing with myself. I told it I wasn't because I knew I was right. I pointed to Snoke and my father, who were dead as I had last seen them. They were lying on the ground in your father's yard. I told it I was arguing with them. I never spoke with them, before. I had only listened, provided information as requested, and followed orders, but now they had to listen to me.

"The tree asked if I would try to argue with it, too, after I killed it instead of before. When I turned to face it, the tree was gone and it was myself, on the other side of a glass that had taken the place of the tree trunk. That other part of me held up his hand to the glass, with your ring on it, and told me, 'Only the living will listen.'"

Hux snuggled in closer. "I don't think that was a dream. I've had similar visitations in the past by Snoke and once by the Eclipse or Palpatine's ghost – I don't know which, but it manifested in the dream as the ship. I think the tree was actually speaking to me."

Poe fondled Hux's hair thoughtfully.

"So when I realized that, I woke myself up and I went downstairs. I looked out at the thing and thought about the Force. The feel of it … on me. In my mind. I mean the Force in general, not the tree. I've felt it through every part of me, crawling through my flesh." He sighed and shook his head against Poe's chest. "I still feel safe here, but there are memories that seem closer to the surface than they have been for a long time."

"You are safe here," Poe said quietly. "As safe as I can make it. Memories can't hurt you. Or really weird dreams. But if you want to leave, we can go whenever you say."

Hux sat up, looking down at Poe with a serious expression. "But you would go with me and so I have questions for you. They are very important."

"Ask." Poe was watching him soberly, listening, and paying attention.

"Have you ever used the Force?"

"No."

"Have you tried?"

"Yes. I tried to move a wrench and my stylus. My fork. BB-8. Probably some other things. I stared at Rose and tried that listening thing Kylo described on Naboo when he walked through mind-reading with Rey. I tried to meditate once."

"Did any of it work?"

"No." Poe's answers were direct and simple.

"Are you sure Rey was telling you the truth?"

Poe thought about it, then shrugged. "How would I know?" It was a genuine question and not rhetorical.

"I don't know. Everyone else you might ask is connected to her, which makes it impossible to get a truly independent verification." Hux stewed over it.

"What can I do to make this better for you?" Poe asked. "By the way, please don't cut down our tree. You can add that to the list of rules. Before you kill anything, check with me. Or my dad."

Hux shook his head. "It's not the tree. As you said, we could hire a custodian and move away. I'm sure there's some order of Force-worshipping monks somewhere who would leap at the chance. It's  _you_. I understand why you didn't bring this up to me before because you were concerned for my reaction. As I can see also that thinking I had the same power would mean I couldn't possibly reject you for it."

Poe's eyes widened. He said nothing, but he was literally holding his breath.

Hux put a hand on Poe's chest. "I'm not rejecting you for it. I have had … very negative experiences with the Force. What my father did to me was escapable. It obeyed the laws of physics and social dynamics. I could hurt him back. I could hide. I could get away with things behind his back by being cleverer than he. I found allies who took my side over his. I could lie to him and I became quite good at that. Ultimately, I had him killed and I got away with it." Hux's voice was strained as he continued, "But I was utterly beaten by the Force."

Poe touched Hux's arms, stroking them softly as he met Hux's eyes. He could feel Hux was wearing that knife again under his pajamas. He must have put it on after getting up, because he hadn't worn it to bed.

"I couldn't kill Snoke – only another Force user could. There was no escape. There was no outsmarting him. No misinterpretation of his orders or intention. Even when he didn't spell it out, I came to realize I knew what he meant. It was repulsive to find that knowledge inside of me, without him ever having said it. Not the least deception was tolerated. Not at any time, either. Not even in my sleep."

Poe swallowed, his eyes widening a little again. His attention was fixed on Hux.

Hux breathed out heavily. "You have this power, or the potential for it? I have already lied to you many times. I withhold information from you. I weigh my options. I occasionally think unflattering things of you. I worry about things that come to nothing and so I'm glad I didn't tell you about them to start with. If you have the Force, then our relationship becomes as mine with Snoke, or how it was with Ren at first – with me always at your mercy, with me always exposed or having to live with the possibility of it at any moment. Who I am inside wouldn't matter anymore." Hux shook his head. His voice broke. "I do not want to live that way again, Poe. I don't want to … not love you."

"Kriff." Poe grabbed him and pulled him close by taking his forearm and shoulder. Once close, he wrapped both arms around him. He spoke into Hux's ear in a low voice. "I can't do anything with the Force, Hugs. I can't do anything at all. I tried. And if what Rey read me about pairs was true, it won't even work without you."

Hux nodded shallowly. He was shaking. He felt hot. He shifted so he could put his hands on Poe's sides, but he still wasn't returning the embrace.

"Believe me – it means this much to you? Then I will never try again. Never without your permission. Got it?" Poe waited until Hux nodded again.

Quietly, Hux asked, "What sort of relationship do Ren and Rey have? You've seen much more of them than I."

"Very egalitarian," Poe said, rubbing Hux's back. "But they  _are_  in each other's heads a lot. They don't hide anything from each other. And there's nothing wrong with you wanting privacy. I trust you to be truthful with me when it counts. You set the boundaries between us. In this like with everything else."

"This is very frightening to me." He pulled away so he could see Poe.

Poe nodded. "I see that." The corner of his mouth twitched. "I'm not sorry I told you. Especially if you feel like this. I don't want to know what would have happened if Kylo or Rey had said something casually to you and you found out that way. I thought it was just like any of those other Force sensitives the First Order was keeping track of."

Hux grimaced. "Eat your breakfast. Your father worked very hard on it."

Poe looked over at the tray and smiled. "Yeah, but you're the one who brought it to me." He sat up and pulled it closer, picking up a piece of toast.

Hux watched him take a bite. "Since I don't know what the new government is likely to do in regard to potential Force users, before I left, I wiped all of the First Order's records of those sensitive to it. I didn't tell any of those on the list of their 'condition'. I kept a copy for myself in case it's needed." Poe chewed and listened.

Hux continued. "Since Snoke's death, the High Command had discussed, several times, killing all of them. Without me there … I don't know what they'll decide to do. But they'll have to test everyone all over again and in the new government, that can no longer be compelled. As far as I can tell, no one else had a separate database of the names and test results."

"How many are there?"

"Hundreds."

"Oh wow."

"I don't know how accurate it is. Snoke wanted each and every positive case referred to him for review, but as far as I know, he only acted on a few. They were recruited into his staff – his personal guards, a few pilots, that sort of thing. He didn't train them, though. He just … collected them."

"You're saying he had a habit of picking people who were potential Force users to serve him directly?"

Hux smiled thinly. "Ah. Another piece of evidence for your 'Hux is Force sensitive' theory?"

Poe shrugged and picked up the fork. He poked a piece of fruit with it and offered it to Hux.

Hux's brows drew together in consternation. "You would feed me like I'm a child?"

Gently, Poe said, "I would feed you like you're my lover. Have you eaten?"

"No." He looked at the bit of fruit. "I have not eaten properly since leaving the Order."

"Last week?" Poe was taken aback.

"I didn't say I hadn't eaten at all. Just not as I should. It smells good." He took the fork from Poe, who frowned but allowed it. Hux ate it, finding it as good as it smelled. Sweeter than he preferred, but good. He offered the fork back.

Poe took it and smiled softly, looking from the fork, which he held between them, to Hux. "Okay. For maximum romantic-ness, you take the melon off the fork with your mouth, while I'm holding the fork, then you take the fork and feed me in return. Want to try it that way?"

"That sounds silly."

Poe smiled wider. "I know. It is. That's part of the appeal." He forked a piece of fruit and extended it towards Hux.

Hux chuckled and leaned forward, eating it. Then he took the fork and offered fruit to Poe, who took it. As Poe took the fork, Hux said, "It's sort of like a trust exercise. Or maybe like the first meals we give the children."

"The slaves?"

"Mm-hm," Hux hummed in assent, taking another bite. This time he was careful not to touch the fork itself with his lips or tongue. It had been in Poe's mouth, after all. On the other hand, he had at one time brushed his teeth with a toothbrush Poe had used. He'd felt intensely mixed feelings about it, but the keyword was 'intense' and he'd still done it. He assumed that somewhere deep inside of himself, he was a pervert, but he tried to deny that impulse as much as possible.

Poe seemed oblivious to the fork issue, but the matter of the slaves caught his attention. "I would have thought you'd fed them on the ships."

"We did." He took the fork and reversed the feeding.

"You went out with the ships?" Poe took his bite.

"Yes. I didn't stay on Lanson every moment. Didn't you see that in my file?"

Poe chuckled ruefully. "It was really long. I sort of skimmed it."

"My life story and you skimmed it?" Hux gave Poe a look of amused outrage. "No wonder you wanted to marry me! You know nothing about me except for what you see! I should have known when you never mentioned anything about the contents."

"I know everything you've told me. I'm not very good at … uh, some of this academic stuff. You haven't noticed?"

Hux gazed at him levelly for a moment, thinking back. "I recall the way your eyes glazed over as we tried to review the situation reports for the schools Downworld when you were there with the  _Restitution_. I thought you must have had a long day." He was thoughtful for a moment longer. "And how you were unaware of your supply chain and never mentioned what I'd done to your financials."

"Financials?"

"The Resistance's financial backing." Hux smiled wryly. "You didn't even finish reading the constitution, much less make any suggestions. I see it now. Quite the pattern, but I hadn't looked for it until this moment."

"Sort of blows a hole in your 'the Force lets people learn faster' theory, doesn't it?"

"Not really. You said you can't use the Force. I never noticed that I learned any faster than others. I simply applied myself more often and for longer hours, which, come to think of it, is the same thing I said of the knights. You're right – there may be no correlation at all." With genuine curiosity, Hux asked, "How did you get to be a general? Do they have no standards in the Resistance?"

Poe laughed a little hollowly. "The Resistance was a little short on candidates there at the end. Something about someone blowing up all our transports while we were trying to escape? I have a lot of leadership experience. Not so much on the desk jockey side. That's another reason why I kept sending Colonel Connix to the government conferences. She's good at that stuff. I'm not."

"Ah. Well. Delegation is a very important skill. Not everyone masters it." Hux changed the subject before it sounded like too much of a criticism. "Back to the matter you skipped past in my history," Hux said with amusement, "I was in command of the collection ships we sent out – on the bridge, managing operations and negotiations, for nearly every slave harvesting mission we had. Just like my father had done before me. We even went together for some, between the time I was assigned to the Downs after Lothal and when he died. I made sure there would be an orderly transition before arranging his demise."

"Oh." Poe's brows rose. "Good planning then? I didn't realize you got out that much."

"I told you I'd been to many New Republic worlds. That was something I  _said_  to you. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, but you …" Poe paused and thought about it, then continued, "You're so unfamiliar with the food and stuff. Language. Customs. And the hotel room things." Poe nodded to himself as he realized. "Because you always stayed on your ship, right?"

"Of course. The places I went were ravaged or backward to the point they were giving away their children so we'd feed them. There were no planetside accommodations worth patronizing, even assuming I could spare the time from my duties."

Poe kept nodding. "You ate in your own mess hall all the time with your own people. I remembered you'd said that about all the places you'd been to. But come on, give me a break. You were jerking me off at the time!"

Hux grinned. "Ah. So you do remember!"

"The important stuff, sure. Like the way you had your toes around me? That was hot."

Hux kept smiling warmly. "You are charming, Poe. And soothing to me. This started with me nearly beside myself with worry and now I'm simply so pleased with the artlessness of you."

"Artless, huh? I'll have you know I'm really good at art. You should see the sewing job I did on Finn's jacket!"

"Really?"

"No, I'm totally putting you on. It was a pretty bad job, but at least it held together." Poe touched the side of Hux's neck. Hux leaned into it. "I was smart enough to land you, bud."

"I have no doubts about your functional intelligence." Hux came forward to rest his forehead against Poe's. "Only the academic."

Poe scooted closer, easing his free arm under Hux's. He touched a couple times at the back of Hux's elbow, then wriggled forward another inch and moved his hand to Hux's side. The other hand slid around to cup the back of Hux's head. He rubbed lightly with his fingertips and a moment later, Hux hugged him. "Oh yeah," Poe crooned. "I got you to hug me. Score one for the Poe," he whispered.

Hux chuckled against him. "Yes, I suppose that's 'the important stuff', then?"

"Totally is, Hugs. Totally is."


	6. Safe Zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late morning. Still the day after the wedding.

"What's wrong with him?" Kes asked. He and Poe stood at the rear window, watching as Hux took the slop bucket out to the animals.

"Nothing's  _wrong_  with him," Poe said.

"Okay. Weird, then."

"Different," Poe corrected.

"Fine. Different. But I'm not just seeing things, am I?" Poe shook his head, his eyes still on the way Hux was looking up at the uneti tree as he passed under it. Kes headed back in the kitchen. "I thought when you said 'proud' you meant he was superior, but here he is digging right in. He had not a word to say about folding his laundry earlier or helping with anything. It's not like he's above actual work." Kes went back in to start washing the dishes accumulated from the night before and this morning.

Poe left the window to help rinse and dry. "He's worked hard all his life."

"You know that? What it's like for them in the Order?"

Poe shrugged. "I've talked to people who'd know. I've watched what he's done. The First Order works its people to death."

Kes gave him a long side-eye. "Really? Even someone at the top like him?"

"Really. He made it to the top and stayed there because of it." Poe turned to face him. "Listen, this is hard for me to say to you because you're my dad, but you've got to lay off him. He's not who you think he is and he has enough going on here without making it worse. You do sound like you have a grudge. You seem fine this morning, but last night?" Poe shook his head. "I'm on his side. Not yours. You know that, right?"

Kes shrugged like it didn't matter. "Nah, you gotta be – you're married to him, not me. But I don't think it's a problem. He and I didn't talk this morning. It was good. I think we worked some things out." He chuckled.

"Didn't talk?"

"Yeah. We didn't talk." Kes kept chuckling. "I thought I'd wait him out until he said something. I was wrong. Twice. I don't think he even noticed. I get the impression I'm trying to wring something out of him he's not ready to give. At least, not to me." He gestured to Poe.

Poe sighed. "Yeah. He doesn't trust you and I can't blame him. It's been a long road of him learning he can trust me and it's one step at a time. And I'm still, sometimes, really putting my foot in it." The whole Force thing was a much bigger issue than Poe had expected – that hint that Hux had considered rejecting him for it had shaken Poe. "I worry he's not going to give you as much leeway as he does me. It should be obvious from last night – he wants a good relationship with you. You're not making it easy."

"You're just a whole bucket of bees this morning," Kes observed.

Poe turned to face him, taking out some of his tension that he didn't want to express to Hux at his father, instead. "Yeah. I thought you were going to be supportive. I thought you invited us here to be family. That's not the way you're treating him."

Kes raised his brows at Poe. "You're lagging the target, Son. I'm okay with him now. After this morning, I'm trying to change my approach vector. I still don't know what's wrong with him, but something is. 'Different'. Whatever you want to call it."

"Did you know he's not even eating right? How much did he sleep last night?" By this point, Poe was casting his worries out randomly.

Kes shrugged. "He was up when I got up and he'd been up long enough to tinker with the caf-maker. What do you mean about eating? He ate last night."

"That's all he had – dinner, that's it. A couple times now I've asked him if he ate different times and the answer was no. Then he wouldn't eat the toast this morning. I worry he has a lot of stress going on and he's not dealing with it well. I don't know what to do about it!"

Kes looked Poe up and down insightfully. "You talking about you, or him? I've never seen you this unsettled."

"You're not helping!"

"Uh-huh. Calm down, Poe." Kes made soothing motions with his hands. "You guys have been here  _one day_. One. You're still settling in. I'm still getting used to house guests and you guys in particular. I'm trying. We're all doing it together. I only had one kid, he's never been married before, and he managed to pick someone who's the opposite of a good person in almost every way. There's a lot to figure out."

"No, he's not the opposite." Poe leaned against the counter and handed Kes a towel to dry his hands, as they were done with the dishes. He gritted his teeth. "Stop calling him that. Stop thinking of him that way. You already know he's not a … regular person. Listen to yourself! And by the way,  _that's why I'm with him!_ "

Kes looked at him speculatively. Calmly, he said, "I'm listening. Trying to, at least."

Poe exhaled heavily and tried to explain. "I don't know what he's okay or not okay with me telling you. But when I was six, Mom would take me up in the x-wing, sit me on her lap, and show me how to fly." Kes looked at him attentively, nodding slowly.

Poe said, "When  _he_  was six, his dad, who had abducted him from his mom, beat him for crying about that. Hux bit a piece out of him, the beating continued until he was unconscious, and he woke up later in the medbay." Kes' eyes were bigger. "It didn't get any better after that for him. So, no, he's not coming from the same place you or I am. I don't expect the same things from him that I might from other people. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him or he's a bad person. He doesn't come at this knowing what a healthy family life looks like or how he needs to act toward you, or maybe even me. I know that. I'm fine with that."

"Are you safe with him?" Kes asked softly.

"Yes," Poe nodded firmly. "I am completely safe with him."

"He's really hard to read."

"I'm  _certain_  I'm safe with him."

"Okay." Both of them glanced out as Hux came up to the back door and began to wipe his shoes carefully. Kes left the kitchen to open the door and extend a hand to Hux. "Here, I'll put the bucket away. Just take your shoes off and stow them over there."

"Outside?" Hux asked, handing over the bucket.

"Yeah, they'll be fine under the porch here. Just make sure to check for spiders before you put them on next time." Kes snickered at Hux's concerned face and took the bucket into the kitchen.

Poe told him, "Don't worry about it. We'll be leaving in a little bit anyway. I've never had spiders move into my shoes unless I left them out for a long time."

"I have," Kes said. "I'm serious. You need to check. Just in case. The purplish ones won't kill you if they bite you, but it will swell your toe up really bad."

"You just throw them out," Poe said. "No big deal."

"The spiders, right?" Hux asked. "Not the shoes?" He'd taken his shoes off by now. They were loafers that went with the civilian clothes he'd brought with him. They had grass stuck to them now. He needed some work shoes, or at least something less dressy.

"Yeah, the spiders," Poe said.

"But we don't kill them?" Hux asked, coming inside. Instead of putting his shoes where Kes had directed, he carried them in.

"No, we don't kill the spiders who live outside," Poe said patiently. "Only the ones who get in the house."

Hux muttered, "Strange distinction."

"Why did you bring your shoes in?" Poe asked.

Hux gave him an uncertain look. "You said not to worry about it."

Kes, at the entry to the kitchen, smiled at Poe. "You did."

Poe shook his head and stepped towards Hux as Hux started to turn toward the back door. "No, don't- Yeah, don't worry about it. You're right." Hux turned back to him. Poe pulled him down to kiss him on the cheek. "I know this is all really strange," Poe murmured. "I love you. It'll get better."

"It is strange," Hux agreed. He looked at Poe's cheek and then kissed it in return. "But it's already better. You're here. It's what I wanted. Maybe what I've always wanted. Thank you."

"No problem." Poe turned to see his father, head down to give them an illusion of privacy, absorbed in the unnecessary task of folding a kitchen towel. "Hey, do you mind if I show him how to fly the aircar before we head off to town?"

Kes glanced from Hux to Poe. "Sure. It's not hard. No different than anything …" His eyes slid back to Poe. "Has he ever flown anything before?" Poe grinned broadly in answer. Kes' willingness took a step back, but he didn't' rescind the offer. "Uh … yeah. I guess. Just be careful. I've had that thing for a while. I like it. Everything still works on it."

Hux said, "I will replace or have repaired anything I damage."

Kes shrugged. "No problem." As they started to pass through, Kes held up a hand. "But hang on. Different subject. One that is a problem." He singled out Hux. "He said you haven't been eating regular."

Hux looked at Poe, who shrugged and said apologetically, "I said- I mean … I-"

Hux turned back to Kes. "I'm fine."

Kes nodded. "Uh-huh. I'm getting a feel for what 'I'm fine' means with you. You've used it on me a few times before. I'm going to try something new here. How long have you been in the military?"

"My whole … Twenty-nine years."

Kes blinked. "How old are you?"

"Thirty-five."

Kes looked over at Poe, who gave him a 'duh' look and nodded at him. Kes looked back at Hux. "School. Yeah."

Hux raised his brows slightly in disbelief that Kes thought that.

"You were in school, right?" Kes asked.

"My formal schooling did not start until I was fourteen."

"What were you doing at six, then?"

Hux gave just the barest pause. "I was put in command of a squad of assassins." He gave Kes a resigned, put-out frown.

Kes looked at Poe, who was rubbing his forehead to hide his face and mostly looking down. "He's a wonderful person, Dad. I love him. You said you were going to try something new?"

Kes looked back at Hux, hesitating a moment longer in that internal recalibration he did at times. "Okay. Yeah. Twenty-nine years,  _Soldier?_ "

"Yes?" Hux's expression had shifted on 'soldier' to something more curious and assessing.

"Yes what?" Kes said softly, with an expression like he was waiting for a certain, obvious answer.

It took Hux a few seconds to decide to use the honorific. "Yes sir."

"Good. All those years - did you have your meals scheduled, three times a day, planned breaks to go eat them?"

"Yes sir." It came automatically now.

"You have a duty, Soldier, to keep yourself fit and capable. That means eating. That means making time to eat. That means making sure you have provisions suitable for eating. Got it?"

"Yes sir."

"Those are your new orders. Follow them."

"Yes sir."

Kes turned to Poe. "You're the one setting the schedule between the two of you. You know where the restaurants are. You're the one with the aircar. Make sure he gets somewhere for lunch today. Make sure he gets back here in time for dinner or you two eat out. Don't get distracted. Don't get too busy. Don't let him 'I'm fine' you. Your ship doesn't care how much of a hurry you're in when it's about to run out of fuel. Neither does his stomach. Put food in front of him and then stay there for at least fifteen minutes. If he doesn't eat it, toss it and all three of us will talk about what's going on. I'm thinking it's not stress all by itself, but stress from having your schedule thrown on its ear. Get your schedule back, eat right, take care of yourself, and some of the stress will disappear."

"You speak of me like I'm a child who can't self-regulate." Hux bared his teeth at Kes momentarily.

"I speak of you like you're a grunt who needs orders," Kes nodded. "I've been there myself. It's been years, but I didn't forget it. Your job, right now, is to get your feet back under you or you're useless to all of us. Got it, Soldier?"

Hux drew himself up a little taller and his eyes narrowed, but he played along. "Orders received and acknowledged."

"Good," Kes said. "One other thing so I know - you were looking at the toast this morning. Then you didn't eat it. Why?"

"The … jelly." Uncertainty drifted back into Hux's posture.

"Plain toast okay next time?"

"Yes."

"Good. Another duty: tell me when I'm screwing something up. Otherwise, I don't know and you're setting me up to fail."

"You'd already …"

Kes shook his head. "The chickens love toast with jelly. They just go crazy over it. I'm not going to miss a few slices of bread. We get things right to start with and they'll be right all along. Otherwise, you go hungry, Poe gets worked up, and then he chews my ass off the whole time you're outside. Nobody's happy. That's against the mission. Got it?" Hux nodded. Kes added, "Dismissed."

"Sir," Hux said quietly. He turned to Poe.

"Car's out here," Poe said. They stopped just outside the front door for Hux to slip his shoes back on. "Just occurred to me, watching that, that maybe you think taking food out of the kitchen is stealing?"

"It is. Isn't it?"

Poe raised his head and shook it. "No, it isn't. You can take whatever you want. Food included. You're family. It's yours. Anything replaceable, we'll just replace. Like you said about the aircar."

"That's very generous," Hux said quietly, straightening. He was done with his shoes.

"It's … how it is here." Poe led him to the shed where the car was parked. "It's not like when you were growing up and you had to steal. Is that 'soldier' thing okay with you? You looked a little thrown by it."

"He's not my superior officer, but it's a framework I recognize. It's fine." Hux caught himself and explained, "I mean that as in, 'it is acceptable and I'm not bothered by it'. Obviously, the nuance on many things between us is being lost."

Poe shrugged. "Yeah, I've noticed. We'll get it worked out."

"Indeed. That is the mission."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a framework some of my ex-military friends have said worked for them.


	7. Trippy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It is a Star Wars convention that remotely-operated or droid-operated ships are rare. I believe there is no rational reason for this (aside from a bunch of cultural prohibitions regarding droids). However, it's the way canon is, so it's the way my story is. Although do I take the liberty of having seat belts in ships, at least.

 

"Let's start with the only thing you've said you knew," Poe said, settling himself into the pilot's seat of Kes' aircar. Hux stood next to the co-pilot's seat. Poe leaned over and pointed. "That's the autopilot button."

"Why is it so far from where you sit?"

"So the co-pilot, such as it is, can trigger it easily. The pilot should be able to fly. And of course, obviously, I _can_  reach it."

"Why 'such as it is'?"

"Because in most civilian transports, like this one, there's only one set of flying controls. The point of a co-pilot is that you can take over piloting duties, but if the only piloting feature in front of you is hitting the autopilot button, then that's pointless. They still call it a co-pilot, though."

Hux slid into the seat, looking over the various other controls.

"Do you know those?" Poe asked.

"Yes." Hux pointed as he spoke. "Communications board. Scanners. Environmental controls. Internal sensors, but …" He looked around the little ship. It had an enclosed cargo area tall enough to stand and barely big enough to lie down in, although the floor was far too well-used by farm activities for that. "Well, yes. I guess that's all you'd need. Obviously, no weapons. They would go here," he waved his hand over a holding tray, monitoring screen, and cup-holder between them, "in the usual setup."

"Yeah." Poe nodded enthusiastically. "The word 'usual' gets to change for us. You know the layout. Good. Now let's talk about the autopilot function." He pressed the button and pointed at a screen in front of the pilot's seat. "This is your primary diagnostic screen. Your system information and options will come up here. Um, hit that button again. It didn't take." Hux pressed the autopilot button firmly. The text on the screen wavered and changed.

"Good," Poe said. "Can you see this?" Hux nodded, leaning over to read it. "You have options. The two most common are emergency landing and route-to-landing. If you pick emergency landing, then as soon as someone hits the autopilot, the ship will look for the closest safe landing area and set down. It's kind of stupid about picking a good spot. It will look for flat, solid, clear ground, but sometimes it gets confused. You might land in a garden. You might land on a flat roof not strong enough to support the ship. You might land in a busy street. But it won't put you down in water or in brush too thick to land in. If it has no landing area, like if you're over the ocean or a jungle, it will use its best judgment. The pilot can always override it, but unless you turn it off, it will keep trying to follow that order every time you take your hands off the controls."

Hux nodded.

"Route-to-landing means it will do the same thing, but it will first finish following a course you've put in. So it will take you to the end of the route, then land."

"Does it recognize landing circles?"

Poe nodded. "If the paint's not faded. If the lights aren't out. If there aren't other ships already parked there or people standing around or a bird sitting in the wrong place. If there's not a detour. These ships are pretty dumb. That's why most need an astromech to figure out how to handle the unusual stuff that happens all the time."

"Or a living pilot."

"Right. That's why we have pilots. There are other autopilot options, but I'm leaving it on emergency landing. The idea is that if something happens that the pilot can't fly, then you need to land right away. But some people put it on route-to-landing so they can walk off from the pilot's chair and do whatever. I don't like to do that. I want my hands on the controls all the time."

"Oh really?"

Poe smiled at Hux's tone. "Really. You're not the only control freak in this ship."

"Yes," Hux said with amusement. "I have noticed your idea of flight instruction is for you to sit in the pilot's seat and for your student to sit where he has access to nothing but the autopilot button."

Poe blinked at him. He looked down at the autopilot button. He grimaced. He got out of the pilot's seat and offered it in an exaggerated gentlemanly fashion. Hux smiled, pausing to kiss his cheek on his way between seats, and slid into the pilot's seat. "I like that," Poe said of the kiss. He hung onto the back of Hux's seat and leaned over his shoulder, pointing with his arm extending over Hux's shoulder and in front of Hux. "Now, ignition is over there. Go ahead and hit that. We won't go anywhere. It will get us through the startup cycle."

Hux glanced up and back, struggled to suppress a smile, then turned and pressed the button in question. The engines began to power up with a subtle hum.

"What'd you look at me like that for?"

"I wouldn't want you to get too far from the controls," Hux said. "You're practically pressing the button on your own." He strapped in, not intending to leave the pilot's seat now that he was in it.

"I have to stand somewhere. There are a lot of other buttons there. I wanted to make sure you knew which one." But he was smiling about it.

"Right. Of course." Hux shot the empty co-pilot's seat a look, then turned his attention to the diagnostic screen. New information was on it.

"I can see everything from here," Poe insisted. "It's the best place for me to stand."

"Then walk me through what I need to be looking for on this screen that you can see so well."

"Okay. Just make sure there aren't any warnings. You can toggle using the buttons under it," Poe explained when Hux tried touching the screen.

"The screen isn't touch-sensitive?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"In case you fall against it. I don't know."

Hux waved a hand at the controls. "If you fall against all these knobs and switches, you'll have more severe problems than accidentally scrolling to the wrong screen. Being thrown against one of these things makes one see things differently."

"You were thrown against one of these?" Hux gave him a sour look. Poe shrugged and said, "I didn't design the layout."

"Whoever did is a bad engineer. If you can't be efficient, then you should at least be elegant and this isn't even that."

"And if you'd designed it, it would be, what, elegant?"

"It would at least be aesthetically pleasing. I didn't leave the forests on Starkiller Base because they aided the design in any way."

"You did that for looks?"

"Yes. I like looking at forests more than blight. Who doesn't?"

Poe hesitated for a long moment. "Okay ... How much trouble was it to do all that work subsurface?"

"Some. It was an enormous project. I quickly discovered Snoke didn't care about the line items as long as the project was completed on time and functioned as predicted. He had the attitude that he could always get more money. For my part, if Starkiller Base was to be the crowning achievement of my career, a mobile weapon platform and advanced trooper training ground that I would be stationed on for the rest of my life, then I at least wanted it to be interesting to look at."

"Did you ever go skiing?"

"Yes. I was there off and on throughout construction. I went running, too. Outdoors. Often. It wasn't always covered with snow."

"Oh. Neat. I didn't pay attention to the climate. Was it temperate and I only saw it during winter?"

"It had seasons, but they were global."

"What would have happened after you fired it, though? The star would be gone. Everything would freeze."

"The interior mechanisms of the planet carried enough residual heat in slow shed to maintain the planet's habitability for a few weeks. Photosynthesis would give out before that, but it was as mobile as the Death Star. We'd already plotted in a course for a new star system. Ecosystems endure night time well enough. It would have handled the trip fine. We'd already tested it."

"Huh. Did you design it that way on purpose? I mean the … heat shed or whatever?"

"Yes. I didn't want it to bake the place. If the trees can't survive, then people won't either."

"Oh. Yeah. Good point."

Hux looked back at him. "Why do you sound so amazed? Do you think we slap together a weapon system that enormous without consideration for consequences?"

"No, it's not that," Poe said. "It's the degree of stuff that's done for looks."

Hux snorted. "Don't be silly. You've told me repeatedly that you're with me because of 'looks'. Looks are important. They have power. I'm quite fond of yours."

"The way I look or the way I look at you?"

"Both. You should continue your lesson if we're going to get anywhere on time. Our friends and associates won't wait indefinitely. How do I actually fly this thing? The screen here says the startup cycle is done." Hux toggled to the next screen in case there were directions in the system somewhere.

For the moment, Poe ignored Hux trying to hurry him. He leaned over and kissed the top of Hux's head. "You like the way I look? I don't know that you've ever mentioned my appearance."

Hux looked back at him incredulously. "Well, I assumed you had eyes and a mirror." He smiled. "But yes, I am very fond of your appearance."

Poe kissed him again, this time on the temple. He ran a hand through Hux's hair.

"I'll have to comb it again," Hux sighed in the most half-hearted complaint ever.

"Tell me that stuff," Poe said. "Tell me the things you like about me."

"Right now? That will take a very long time."

"Whenever you want to. I'd like to hear it."

Hux looked at him blankly for a moment and Poe wondered if he was going to say anything at all, but then he spoke. "Poe, you have said so many pleasing things to me that your voice has become like a balm to my ears. I have discovered that I have, quite unintentionally, memorized the pattern of your footsteps and the timbre of your breathing as you lie next to me. The comfort you bring me is the most meaningful thing that has ever happened in my life. I have given up everything I know to have more of it. You bring me pleasure and hope and all the things I never even imagined-" His voice choked up.

Poe came around the side of the seat and hugged Hux's head and shoulders. He kissed the top of his head repeatedly. "I only meant I like compliments as much as the next guy, not that you needed to come up with a sonnet to me on the spot."

"If you ever have any doubts about how I feel about you, you need only ask." Hux's voice was muffled by Poe's arm.

Poe gave him another squeeze. "Okay, you wanted to get this show on the road, right?"

"Yes? You mean leave?"

"Yep." Poe let him go and went back to where he was before. He hesitated, giving Hux an apprehensive look.

"Is everything alright?"

Poe shook himself. "Yeah, fine. Just I looked at you and realized there's a lot of pressure on to get this right. But we will." He nodded, trying to look self-assured.

Hux gave him a gentle smile. "I'm going to pretend you mean flying. To which I will remind you that you said I had good hands. I look forward to putting them to use." He flexed his fingers in the direction of the levers.

Poe nodded and pointed at the panel. "Yep. Let's get going. Propulsion is over there. Repulsors here on this side. Braking thrusters are just the inverse of the propulsion. Meaning, pull back past the mid-point and it shifts to front thrust. This thing has auto-stabilizers so if you do anything too abrupt or slew into a bad angle somehow, it will right itself and decelerate if you let go of the controls." Poe talked him through the rest of the various controls and messages, then took a seat. "I know that was kind of quick, but they build these things so they can be flown by idiots. You think you got this?"

Hux nodded. He didn't wait for Poe's direction past that. He took hold of the lever for the repulsors and slowly throttled it open. The little aircar lifted evenly. Poe strapped in. Hux said, "But if that's the case, we might be in trouble."

"Why?" Poe looked over in dread, eyes flashing over the indicators in front of Hux. Everything he could see was in the acceptable range.

"I refuse to believe either of us is an idiot." Hux spared him a brief, happy grin, then eased the ship into a slow forward movement.


	8. Runnin Down a Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Evening of the day after the wedding. I have skipped over the trip in to town to see off their various wedding guests.
> 
> Chapter title from the Tom Petty song, although the significance is only tangential.

"This is very inefficient land use."

"Uh," was all Poe could reply around panting as he leaned over, hands on his knees. Hux was standing upright, hands on hips, surveying the landscape of Yavin IV like a dissatisfied conqueror. In this particular area, it featured rolling hills dotted with medium-sized herbivores both wild and domestic. The swales were filled with trees and the ground, beneath the lush vegetation, was littered with rocks. It was an absolute joy to traverse their path by speeder, with all the ups and downs and gentle curves. In all his years growing up here, Poe couldn't recall trying to navigate it on foot any further than a few neighbors away.

When he could speak, Poe said, "You're in really good shape." Most of that shape was on easy display, as Poe had discovered the First Order had some really strange ideas about exercise clothing. Kes' expression, once Hux's back was turned, had been priceless. Fortunately, there was no one else out on the 'roads' such as they were.

Hux smiled at him. It was a relaxed thing and Poe was so glad to see it. "So are you, for what you're used to. You're much stronger than I am. I'm accustomed to running because I use it for stress relief. Your father's suggestion about returning to a familiar routine was a good one. This has worked for me before. It will work for me now. And here."

Hux continued, because he wasn't winded like Poe was. "But there are so many animals here! Starkiller didn't have any fauna on it. The most highly evolved animal life it had was a sort of arthropod about the size of your hand. Which was a pity. People kept complaining there was nothing to hunt. We discussed acquiring and releasing predators, but the logistics of it were complicated."

"Hunt? What, for fun?"

Hux shrugged, smirking. "Does that offend your sensibilities?" Poe made a grimace that was an ambiguous 'yes'. Hux grunted. "Don't worry too much about it. Discussions never went beyond idle fantasy, Starkiller is destroyed, and I was never a major proponent of it in any case. It just seemed like quite a lot of bother when we had much more suitable, and safer, simulations."

He turned to face Poe. "My father thought there was a special value in the adrenaline rush of actual contact with a lethal enemy. Also in weeding out those unlucky enough not to survive such an encounter. I've never figured out the point of that. So much of victory is equipment, position, rote training, process, and numbers. There is some element of luck in it, but neither side controls that unless they have the Force. There's very little skill or this ephemeral 'determination' that my father tried to develop. It's much easier to be determined when you're well-equipped, well-provisioned, and outnumber your enemy. Even while inflicting losses of more than five thousand to one, the Resistance lost. You were demonstrably not inferior combatants. It would have been an honor to have the worst of you in the Order, but your valor did not bring you victory."

Poe straightened and blinked at Hux in surprise. "Wow. You feel that way about … about the Resistance? You're saying something good about the 'filthy Rebel scum'?"

"It doesn't matter how I feel. Look at the numbers." Hux looked off in the distance again. "That's what mystifies me about my father. I don't know what he was getting at. You lose so many resources that way, trying weed out the weak. It's a waste. I finally decided he was too stupid to understand the larger forces that shape victory and was thus over-focusing on what was within his control, and familiar to him, which was terrorizing individuals and affirming his own superiority."

"Uh, that's probably exactly what was going on. Not a mystery, Hugs. Let's walk for a little bit, then we can go back to running."

Hux sighed as they started off at a walk. "I don't know that I will ever cease to question myself over it. He was so certain he was right. It makes me doubt my own sanity to find the facts in disagreement with him. That played no small role in his death." Hux looked down. "There was no way for me to speak to him about it, either."

"Talk to me about it, then," Poe said. When Hux looked at him, Poe added, "Tell me everything. Get it off your chest."

Hux sighed and looked ahead. "That dream I had – there was a truth there. I didn't talk to him in the way that I wanted while he was alive. He wanted a son who would stand up to him and stand on his own, yet he then knocked me down every time I tried it. He treated me like my existence disgusted him – much less my ideas, so I tended to keep them to myself. It was frustrating. I knew he was wrong and he ordered me to fix things, but  _he_  was the problem. The only 'fix' was to remove him! It has made me wary of the concept of fathers as a whole."

Poe reached over and put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it a couple times. "Hey, my dad? He's not Brendol." Poe chuckled a little. "And if it ever comes to it, you know, we're going to remove ourselves from the situation. Not him."

Hux stopped them and put his hands on Poe's cheeks. He kissed Poe on the forehead. "I have never killed anyone solely for pleasure. Nor do I do so without some planning unless the situation doesn't allow it. My father's death, for example, happened months after I made the decision to kill him. The way he treated me after I came back from Lothal was not something I would take."

"Was it … an especially bad beating?"

"No." Hux let his hands drop and stepped back. "Not particularly. Not as such things went." Hux was quiet for a while, looking dour and introspective. Quietly, he said, "He wiped his hand on me. That's … the main thing I killed him for. No matter how many other things I say were part of the reason, that was the core. It wasn't for for striking me or assigning me to the Downs or what I saw then as the dead-ending of my military career. He'd slapped me until my nose was bleeding profusely and then hit me a few more times. That was no different than anything else he'd ever done.

"But it made his hand dirty with my blood." Hux bared his teeth slightly, his upper lip curling. "He wiped his hand on my arm as I stood there at attention like I was a towel or a napkin that he could use as he saw fit and then toss in the bin. Like my blood was repulsive to him. Bastard or not, I was his  _son!_ "

Hux's voice was no longer quiet. "If he didn't like it, then he needn't have struck me. But to treat me, and my uniform which I had risked my life in just days before, as a means to take the blood from his hands? Blood he drew, and drew to no purpose, while I was taking my undeserved beating like the man he wanted me to be? It all became so painfully clear to me in that moment. He would not survive to treat me like that again." Hux snarled.

"But it wasn't quick. I had to plan. I thought he'd managed to take care of the issue for me when he went missing on Parnassos, but he returned with Phasma in tow and that turned out to be just as good. He dismissed her with the same lack of respect he gave to all his tools once they weren't immediately useful to him. She came to us functionally illiterate and ignorant of," Hux waved his hand at the world vaguely, "everything. She was a quick study with the educational modules, but he was done with her. I could see how betrayed she was by that. She had no one and nothing but his regard until I spoke with her.

"We worked out a deal. I would grant her the singular distinction she wanted and she would remove my father in a discreet fashion. The armor was her idea. It took her weeks to fabricate it and it's a sign of how disinterested my father was that he didn't even question her absence. The delay was fine with me. I had by then gone through a few of the slave harvesting runs and become emotionally invested in my new role. I understood the importance of the next generation. I needed to fully understand my father's operations. Once I did, and Phasma returned, she ended him. I promoted her as one of my first acts. She's worn that armor since.

"I practically confessed to several people in the weeks after it happened. Hysteria and guilt, I suppose. Here I am confessing to you."

"A confession implies a sin was committed. The more I hear about this guy, the less I'd believe that."

Hux stared at him for a moment, then abruptly laughed in a sort of hysteria. He grabbed Poe and hugged him. It was hard to tell the shaking from the laughter. "I tell you all of this," Hux said once he had himself a little more under control, though his voice was still shaky, "so you'll know Kes is safe. I am not going to kill him in any sudden fit. It would be weeks. There would be warning and I trust you're not as oblivious or dismissive of my moods as my father was. I would talk to you about it, just as I am now. And if I were feeling homicidal about my grievance, then I'm sure you would persuade me into a different course, which I would be agreeable to because I love you."

Hux released him and pulled back. "Also, as you have so well taught me, I can't solve all my problems by killing people."

"Yeah, I know that one. I've had to learn I can't solve my problems by blowing people up." Poe decided to lighten the mood, so he added, "Or by blowing them."

Hux was suitably distracted. He stared at Poe, then at his mouth, then back to his eyes. "You …" Poe drew in a breath and leaned back with a smug expression on his face. He waited for Hux to say it. "You … have?"

Poe laughed. "You can't say it, can you?"

"You know what I mean."

Poe nodded. "Yeah, I know. And yes, I've sucked cock."

"With that mouth?"

Poe grinned as broadly as possible. In a flirty voice, he said, "It sure wasn't with anyone else's."

Hux reached up, extending his fingers toward Poe's mouth. Poe bit them when they got close, doing no more than closing his teeth over them. But Hux made an undignified squawk and jerked his hand away in alarm. Poe half-raised his hands in surrender, hoping like hell he hadn't overstepped. "Whoa, whoa. Sorry. Hugs." Hux looked at him uncertainly, then down at his entirely unharmed fingers. Poe went on, "I was just playing. Being playful. I won't do it again."

"It's fine," Hux said carefully. Politely, he asked, "I … May I put my fingers on your lips?"

"Yes."

With more reserve, Hux lifted his hand again. He paused when Poe shook his head a little. Poe said, "I really am sorry. I am kicking myself for doing that. I wasn't thinking."

Hux paused. "As you said, even the velderats can be dangerous, for they have teeth. I needed the reminder."

"I didn't want to remind you. That's the last thing I wanted. I don't want to take a single step backward with you, to have you think you have to be careful with me or that I'm dangerous. It was-"

Hux covered Poe's lips with his fingers, shutting him up. "Have faith. I am not so fragile." He waited a long moment as Poe took a breath, swallowed, and relaxed. "And to think," Hux said as he pulled his hand away, "I used that toothbrush after you."

Poe tilted his head. "It's been a while since I've been anyone else, you know. The only thing on that toothbrush was me and you."

"How long had it been?"

"Given that we dated for nine months and we were actively at war right before that … probably ten months."

Hux laughed to himself. "You were with someone, what? Weeks, days before we were together?"

"You can count anything in days. But it was a few weeks, probably." Poe waited a few beats, then said, "I'm not sure anyone in the Resistance would have had me after Crait anyway. I'm certain I wasn't going to ask. But I was willing to ask you. I hadn't let you down. I had this feeling that if I could get you, then I could get anyone." Poe grinned slyly at him. "Then after I got you, I didn't want anyone else."

Hux reached up again, telegraphing his motion more clearly. He touched Poe's mouth briefly, circling it. "Do you miss it?"

Poe made one decisive shake of his head. "No." Hux drew in a slow, deep breath. Poe added, "I know that's a concern of yours. But I am completely happy being with you and only you and what we do together." He chuckled. "Like I said to start with, some things aren't improved by blowing people. So. It was a good thing, nice part of my life, I enjoyed it. But I've moved on. I enjoy being with you more."

They walked in silence for a little bit. Poe looked back and forth at the countryside, trying to imagine how it looked through Hux's eyes. "I think the land use is inefficient only if you look at it from the point of view of a single species."

Hux looked at him for a long moment, then regarded the greenery they were strolling through with the same evaluating gaze. "That's true," he finally said. "I'm surprised it's not settled more densely. It's a lovely area. There are so many abandoned farmsteads. What happened to the population?"

"War recruitment," Poe explained. "Rebels have to come from somewhere and a lot of them didn't come home. There's some anti-imperial sentiment around here that bleeds over to the First Order."

"As I noticed at the spaceport."

"I know you wanted to be in the middle of stuff. My parents wanted somewhere remote."

"I don't think I mind so much now that I'm here. Especially for now – the next few weeks, as we look at properties and decide what to do. It doesn't take too long to get places."

"It's pretty quick on the speeder," Poe said. "You did really well with the car. We'll try the speeder tomorrow."

"Mm. That one seemed a bit more reckless. Inside of Starkiller, we had auto-skimmers we used to get around. You didn't drive them per se, but told them where you wanted to go and they went. I didn't think that counted as something I'd driven or flown."

"I've seen those," Poe said, "in spaceports. They're like an elevator – you just sit, pick a destination, and they go, right?" Hux nodded. Poe went on, "How much subsurface stuff was there on Starkiller? I saw a schematic, but honestly, I was looking for targets, not thinking about what it was like to live there."

"Quite a bit. The entire planetary core was hollowed out. All of the deeper areas were serviced by droids. The conditions weren't habitable. Only the surface base had people in it."

"Wow. Where did all that debris go?"

"The star."

"Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. Kind of like a huge incinerator, right there."

Hux nodded. "Do you mind if I grow out a beard?"

Poe regarded him for a moment as they walked. "No. Hard for me to imagine what you'd look like that way, but I'd be happy to find out."

Hux nodded.

"Is this because of that problem at the spaceport?" Poe asked.

"Yes. And what you said of anti-imperial sentiment. I'd rather not be so recognizable."

"You could stop slicking your hair back. That way I can play with it more often. Just comb it back into place after."

"If you're the one mussing it, why don't  _you_  comb it back in place?"

Poe chuckled. "Well, if that's the way you want it, then I will." He said it like it was an ultimatum.

"That  _is_  how I want it." Hux blushed a little and exhaled heavily. "Are you ready to jog again?"

"Sure. Let's go."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Kind of irrelevant to this, but I head-canon that in TFA, after stabbing Han, Kylo got on a skimmer in one of those subsurface tunnels and directed it to an exit port in the direction that Rey and Finn were running (and/or the direction where the Falcon was parked, which in a deleted scene he'd visited and in canon he'd sensed, so he knew where they were headed). And that's how a guy with a bleeding gut wound ended up ahead of them.
> 
> Also, trying to make sense of my abuser's thought processes messed me up for years.


	9. Snuggles and Speciesism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Xenophobia  
> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Speciesism  
> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Human_High_Culture  
> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Droid_rights_(movement)/Legends  
> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Anti-Droid_sentiment
> 
> Interesting reading, but not core to the story.

**A/N: Day one after the wedding.**

Poe welcomed Hux into his arms as Hux climbed in bed next to him. Poe rubbed his face against the other man's chest, or at least into the silken pajamas over it. "I love these pajamas," he murmured. Hux chuckled and toyed with his hair. Poe asked him, "How was your first full day as a married man?"

"New. Different. Restful."

"Think you'll sleep better tonight?" He continued to inhale Hux's scent. "You smell different."

"A bad smell? I could shower again."

"No. Just different."

"The pajamas went through your father's laundry, not the First Order fabric treatment. Or maybe it's the food."

"Mm, maybe. And the sleep? You skipped that question." Poe nosed against him, mid-chest, and adjusted his lower body by hooking a leg behind Hux's. He was mostly erect, but he'd gotten the impression Hux didn't mind that as long as there was a layer between them.

"I don't know. We're a few hours off Standard time here." Hux stroked the side of his face. "Are you going to … come?"

"I'd like to, yeah. What are your thoughts on that?" He shifted his hips a few times experimentally. It felt good, rubbing up against him. The reality that he might be in bed with this guy most nights for the rest of his life was more intoxicating than Poe would have expected.

"It's part of the wedding custom we skipped last night." Hux's fingers drifted down to the side of his neck and then back up, tracing along his jaw and across to his temple.

"Didn't seem like your mind was into it, then."

"Does it need to be? Are we … lovers? You said this morning that we were."

Poe leaned back and looked up at him. "Yes, we are. I love you. You love me. That makes us lovers." He kissed Hux's hand. "We make love between us."

Hux seemed to think that over, then asked, "What would you like me to do to please you?"

"Do you mind if I hold you while I do this? I want to be as close to you as you're comfortable with."

"I don't mind. But is that all? Tonight?"

Poe wrapped an arm around Hux's narrow waist and nuzzled his face against the top of his belly. With his other hand, he unbuttoned the fabric so he could put his face against Hux's skin. Poe put his hand in his pajama bottoms. "Just this. I want to be soft with you tonight."

"Hm." Hux petted his hair as Poe began to work himself. "If you want to be all soft and sentimental, I could tell you how much I love you. Would you like that?" Poe nodded. "I love you dearly. I have for months. It's such a strange feeling. It took me a while to understand what it was. Or rather, what it might be. At first I just knew I wanted to be with you. I wanted to hear you," at this Hux's voice caught and he took a few breaths before continuing, "hear you say nice things about me. Even if they were stupid things like how," he paused again, "how I wasn't a fanatic and Snoke had been wrong about me.

"Or … not wrong exactly. How he was telling me how he wanted me to be. And so, without him, I didn't have to be that way. You didn't want me to be that way. Someone, anyone, didn't want me to be his instrument and you were the one who cared enough to say it to me." Hux sniffed. "And you did it without telling me how to be. It wasn't helping you. I spent so much energy trying to work out what you got out of it."

"I got this," Poe said, voice tense as he pumped at himself. Every word Hux said was turning him on. They were sappy and sentimental and grateful, like Poe had done something truly heroic, even if Poe saw it as more like common human decency. That Hux was so moved by it mattered more.

"Yes, you do," Hux agreed. "You have me. You have a happy version of me who is perfectly able to walk away should I choose but I don't choose that. I want to be here with you. Last night with your father being a bore and you were there. I could turn to you. I could ask for your help. It wasn't in private or a secret, although he's family so that doesn't matter as much, but I could ask and you helped. Because you love me. You touch me. I turn you on. I give you something you want – something I'm happy to give. I am delighted you want me and I have been since the first time you said you were."

Poe picked up the pace on working himself. Hux stroked his hand, palm down, over Poe's face. Poe groaned.

"I stir such filthy desires in you," Hux whispered huskily. His hand settled over Poe's throat. "You let me have such power over you." Poe groaned again, pressing with hip and head and the arm around his waist. Hux continued, "You're mine in a way I never thought anyone would be. That's so precious, Poe Dameron. Lust after me. Dream of fucking me. Come. Come for me."

With several choked gasps, Poe did.

Hux chuckled and petted his face. "You're so sweet. I love you."

"Fuck. I love you, too. Where the … hell. That's some good dirty talk. Mm." Poe hugged him tight for a moment, keeping his hand tented over himself so wherever the emission went, it wouldn't soak through onto Hux. With that in mind, though, he left the bed after a moment and changed bottoms. When he got back in bed, Hux pulled him close and kissed his forehead, then urged him over impatiently so he could scoot up behind. Hux hugged him firmly, breathing out hotly against the nape of Poe's neck. "You're really great," Poe told him.

"Mm, good. Here we are, all properly consummated." Hux laughed lightly, giving him a squeeze. "Everything I said was true." Poe nodded slowly, smiling to himself at how wonderful that was. Hux held him with less reservation than he ever had before. Hux asked, "Would you indulge my prurient curiosity about something?"

Poe hesitated for a moment, then looked back with brows drawn together. "With a lead-in like that, how could I refuse? Now you've got me curious about what you'd be curious about."

Hux looked embarrassed to be asking, just as he'd sounded. "Have you ever had sex with an alien? You said you'd had many partners."

Poe's brows rose. "First I want to know how much trouble we're going to get in if the answer is yes."

Hux's voice dropped a bit. "Why would we get in trouble? What have you done?" He sounded incredulous.

"I just want to know – are you going to think I'm disgusting and never touch me again? Some people are really prejudiced. The reason my dad was actually uncertain about the Ewok thing is because some awful things are said of the First Order in some quarters."

"And you believe them?" Hux sounded crushed.

"No! No, I don't. But it doesn't mean I didn't hear it. I believed  _you_  when you told me it wasn't a big deal for you, but it's a little different not to be generally prejudiced and another to stay that way when dealing with it personally, especially about intimate stuff. You have a … contamination thing. For some people, that goes way beyond germs."

"Some awful things are said of aliens, as well. In the Order. And about the Rebels. I … thought I'd ask someone who knew." Hux sounded defensive.

"Rather than make assumptions?" Poe's voice softened as he settled back down. "Okay." He smiled. "I knew the Order isn't wild about the Rebellion. Or the Resistance. I knew that 'filthy Rebel scum' stuff wasn't something you came up with on your own."

"Mm. I don't mean that seriously about you." Hux drew aside Poe's collar and put the tip of his nose against Poe's neck. Then his chin. And finally his lips. It wasn't a kiss – just touching them there, but Poe enjoyed it as much as if he had.

"Yeah, I know. You wouldn't be with me if you did." Poe breathed out and looked back again. "The answer's yes."

"Mm. Scandalous." Hux kissed Poe's cheek where it was turned toward him, seeming to have no other reaction to the news. "Are you willing to tell me more?"

Poe snuggled in again. "So you're really okay with this," he said mostly to himself. "Yeah, I'll tell you more. What are you expecting, though? Something to jerk off to, or just the facts?"

"Why would-" Hux shook his head. "Just the facts."

Poe chuckled at Hux's confusion. "Okay. Well, first you need to know that my father ran a pretty tight ship here at home. My mother died when I was eight and it was mostly my father who raised me for the next ten years. I traveled – you know, I was flying a lot, all over the place and L'ulo L'ampar went with me for that stuff – so it's not like I didn't meet people and have chances. My dad talked to me a lot about sex, love, and the sort of possessive, destructive jealousy that came with that. He didn't feel I was ready for it as long as I was a kid living at home, trying to decide what I was going to do with my life. I agreed with him. L'ulo was a Duros. They mate late in life, so he was telling me the same thing."

Hux rearranged Poe's hair from his face as he listened.

"It has some to do with my faith, but mostly … just common sense. Then I joined the Alliance. I was living in the barracks. Most people had already had their first time. And I? I was  _losing my mind_  wanting to be with someone."

"Truly?"

"Yeah, I'm not kidding. I was losing my marbles." Poe chuckled. "I know you said you hardly ever thought about it, but that's not the way it was for me."

"I've heard others say the same thing. I always wondered if they were exaggerating."

Poe shook his head. "Nope. So I was at this party for a guy. I don't remember what he was celebrating. And I was talking to the two women who'd put the thing together. They were event planners. They did catering, invitations, rental, thank you notifications, whatever. But it came up that they also had a little pleasure house storefront where they did massages and shared space with this guy who did aromatherapy and other stuff. I got to talking to them about my problem. They talked me into dropping in to the store the next week."

"Your problem – the virginity?"

"No. How afraid I was to be with someone because I thought I'd fall in love the first time and turn into an obsessive, controlling jerk. Because the Jedi teachings … um … well, anyway. I went in. And I got their side of the story. It was different. Kind of like the First Order/Resistance different. They saw sensual pleasure as a spiritual service, a kind of worship. They didn't give a flip about the Force or attachments. It was just the body, our existence here as we knew it, and the immediate physicality of it."

"Did you … convert?"

"No. But I listened. It modified how I felt about spirituality and people. And of course about sex. It showed me there was more to life than just the Force. And that some people lived happy, fulfilling lives without ever thinking about it. I could have sex without falling down some kind of hole to the dark side – just be with someone for a few minutes or a night, both of us being happy together, and then go on my way with everything being better in the world. It didn't have to be for life. I didn't have to get attached. Some people do. A lot of them do. But more do if they go into it thinking it might be forever when it doesn't have to be."

"That sounds very complicated to have to navigate." Hux chuckled. "I can't say I regret not having that particular drive. But I am curious. Did they employ an alien or is this a lead-up to how you ended up with one elsewhere?"

"They  _were_  aliens. Non-humans, that is. They were Rylothians. Twi-leks."

"Ah. And did you … with them?"

"Uh-huh." Poe glanced back at Hux and smiled. "They were very educational."

"You paid them. For lessons?" Poe nodded. "Your first sexual experience was with a pair of alien prostitutes?"

"Hey," Poe said warningly. "Careful where you're going with that. And I wasn't with both of them at once. Or even with both of them. I only had sex with one of them."

"More than once, though?"

Poe blushed. "Yes, more than once."

"And you paid them?"

Poe looked back at Hux. "You're really into this, aren't you?" There was no erection going on, but Hux's expression was avid.

"It's so low class!"

"What did I just say, Hugs?" Poe's tone was a little hurt and angry.

"That's not a criticism, Poe. I mean, it's simply that … is that normal for people in the Republic?"

Poe turned around so he was facing Hux. "I need to be looking at you here where I'm not getting a crick in my neck. I'm going to believe you that you're not being critical, but you're treading real close to that. So I need to see you." Hux nodded at him. Poe answered, "They have pleasure houses on a lot of planets in the Republic. It's a legal service most places but not all. Some people go to them. Others don't. Some of their services are sexual. Others aren't. Depends on the place, the people involved, the laws, and their customers."

Hux nodded again.

Poe went on. "As for what's normal and not normal – I don't know. Some people patronize them. Others don't. I'm sure lots of people never go to one at all. From the talk I heard in the barracks, there were a few people who spent all their leisure money on them. It's not low class. Good people, and bad, visit them. You have to have enough money for entertainment, so that leaves out the lowest classes."

"Money and class aren't correlated."

"Oh? How does that work?" Poe was genuinely curious, because that didn't make any sense at all. Class was explicitly based on wealth – from Poe's point of view. "The Order didn't have money, so …?"

"We didn't have class, either," Hux said with a laugh. "But we were rank." Poe smiled at the wordplay, though it didn't answer his question. Hux said, "I'm mainly repeating the values of my elders. I don't really know. But this is positively titillating. Was that the only time?"

"Only time what?"

"With an alien?"

"I prefer the term non-human."

"Very well. Non-human." He looked at Poe expectantly, like the terminology was easy to adopt because he didn't buy into or even know about any of the values behind it. Which Poe didn't buy. The Empire had been overtly humanocentric, even legalizing the enslavement of non-humans on some planets. The political baggage of the term couldn't possibly be news to Hux.

Poe rolled his eyes theatrically. "No, it wasn't the only time. But I'm feeling a little put on the spot here because I don't know where you're coming from on this. I'll tell you some other time. Is this how you feel when I grill you about stuff in the Order?"

Hux put a hand on Poe's arm. "If it matters, I do not think better or worse of you. I am not repulsed or experiencing fetishistic arousal. It's 'interesting' in the same manner your father defined that word to me this morning – something I don't understand and thus am interested in learning more about."

Poe nodded, looking over Hux's expression. "You're telling the truth. I get that. Maybe I'm just being defensive here. I've been with non-humans a handful of other times. It's not that exotic in the Republic. A lot of the galactic population is non-human and pretty much all of them have a mating urge of some kind. Do you have non-humans at all in the Order?"

"Of course we do. Mainly Chiss, but there are a few others. Thrawn was Chiss and I consider him one of my mentors."

"Ah!" Poe raised his head in realization. "You have worked really closely with them then …"

"And Snoke."

"Oh, yeah. I don't know how I forget about him."

"I wish I could." Hux grimaced. "And there were our intakes among the children. I had a choice of excluding them, but I didn't. We took whatever species we wouldn't have to make accommodations for, which weren't many and I'll freely admit we, and I, targeted primarily human populations over others. There are few things as painful as having to leave starving young behind because they're the wrong species. Even the stormtrooper's morale suffers after that. It's easier to go where that's not an issue. I know it makes me look like a bigot anyway."

"I didn't think you were. I took you at your word back on Naboo. But you have to know, I joined the Resistance partly because I grew up with this background radiation of how evil the Empire was. This stuff's important to me. It always has been. I considered L'ulo to be a second father to me. I cared about him a lot."

"I recall seeing much mention of him in your background report. You call him a second father. Is that as an adjunct, or does it diminish Kes in some way?"

"No. No, it doesn't diminish my- Kes' role in my life. It's just that he stayed here while I went off in the military, and L'ulo re-joined to be in the Resistance. Maybe he was more like what you've said about Thrawn – a mentor, maybe? He died about a year ago."

"Then I am sorry for your loss."

Poe smiled softly. It came so long after the fact and from someone who had never met L'ulo, but it touched him nonetheless. "You go out of your way to honor the people in my life. I appreciate that, especially after what happened with your family. I've noticed your patience in dealing with my dad. Kes. I know he was setting you off bad and I am happy the only thing I thought I needed to fear in that was you going to a hotel for the night. You guys seemed to be doing better today."

"He's stopped being an ass."

"Well, I-, um, yeah. I want to defend him, but yeah, he was being an ass. But you're showing him, too - not just me – that you're okay. He can push you a little and it's not the end of the world."

"I imagine him to be you, older, and without the sexual interest. That helps."

"He's missing some other stuff, too. I've spent the last nine months or so campaigning with Kylo, Rey, and the knights. I've seen what they can do to people with the Force. It's made me think about what it must have been like to work with someone who had that much power and used it however they wanted. I've also watched as they put their lives back together and helped each other out. My father hasn't been able to see any of that. He doesn't know what Snoke did to people. I don't know that he's ever had the Force used on him in a dark way."

"Lucky him."

"Uh-huh." Poe bit his lips for a moment. "Can we talk about droids?"

"What about them?"

"What are you feelings on them?"

"They're useful for what they're designed for? They're machines. What do you mean?"

"I've met droids who were more than just machines to me. Some were like the velderats. Some were like people. Others – others have been machines, I'll agree. But not all of them. They have personalities. How do you see them?"

Hux studied him for a few moments, his expression one of concern for Poe's sanity.

Poe said, "You think I'm deluded, right?"

"I know you are." Hux chuckled. "They aren't living beings. But they can be sophisticated. Many are programmed to emulate sentience and they do so quite well. I'm not sure what you're looking for from me. Do I need to see them as people for you?"

Poe didn't answer that. "I left BB-8 with Rey. Kylo took R2 and 3PO. I don't currently own a droid. But you didn't want them in the room when we were together. That tells me you think they're going to see you. If they're just machines to you, then what gives? You don't care if the toaster sees you."

"Ah." Hux realized. "My father used them as spies and surveillance. Even the mouse droids were suspect. Input would be compiled and he'd scan through the useful bits whenever he had the time. So you never knew when you'd be called to task for something they'd overseen or overheard. It was smarter to keep them away altogether. You never know what someone might have concealed within their carapace, or what subroutine they might be running for someone. Because they're machines and not people."

"Oh. Okay. It's not about the droids themselves. It's what you've seen them used for."

"Yes? What else would I base my opinions on?"

In a slow, careful voice, Poe said, "I would like for you to show some respect for their autonomy and sentience, when they have it."

Hux gave him another sanity-doubting look.

"Please?" Poe asked.

"I will."

"You will?"

"You beg it of me. I will."

Poe was undecided about what to do about that. He wanted to argue he hadn't 'begged' it, but he sort of had by adding 'please' and if he was getting what he'd wanted, then what was he supposed to do about it? Tell Hux not to?

Hux had his own ideas and said, "You're my husband. You get to ask these things of me. Now, can you roll over? I would like to sleep with you." He nudged Poe's shoulder. Poe rolled over as directed and enjoyed Hux snuggling up enthusiastically behind him. Hux found Poe's wedding ring and fondled it, then simply hugged him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


	10. Losing Your Religion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Day two after the wedding.
> 
> 'Losing Your Religion' is vernacular for losing one's temper.

"Tell me about your religious beliefs."

They were walking back towards the Kes farm, having taken a break from jogging so Poe could catch his breath. The top of the uneti was visible. "Uh, you said not to talk about the Force. The only time I've mentioned it since then is if you brought it up or I had to, to be understood."

"You're saying you believe in the Force?"

"Yeah?" That sounded hesitant, so Poe amended more firmly, "Yes."

"The Force exists with or without your belief." There was a faintly snotty tone to Hux's voice.

Poe gave him an amused look for the haughtiness. "Yep. Sure does."

"Tell me about the tenets of your faith."

"It's a belief in the cosmic and living Force as put forward by the Jedi, because they're the most in touch with it."

"Do you doubt the Sith's connection?"

"Well, uh, no, but …" Poe blinked at him as he realized the gaping hole in his philosophical framework. "Okay … well … then I guess what I was taught was mainly light side Force stuff. I'd never thought of it that way. I just thought … the light side was the only one that counted." He blinked off into the distance, trying to sort out how he'd managed to overlook this in all the conversations with Rey about the Force, and his months of association with the knights, who were openly dark side users.

Hux gave him a long look as they walked. "Do you mean you took for granted that the Jedi position was accurate, all others flawed, and claimed the Jedi's word on the Force was more valuable than that of Palpatine, Snoke, or even Ren, all of whom were indisputably masters at using the Force?"

"Um … yeah." Poe chuckled. "And you're right. I just now realized that. All it took was that one question from you and I saw it. You just skewered thirty years of being taught to see things one particular way and being told that was the only way, when it obviously wasn't, and if I'd ever stopped to think about it, I  _knew_  it wasn't."

"Good."

"Are you going to advocate the dark side to me now?" That would be funny.

"No. But I didn't notice Luke Skywalker leaving behind him a trail of goodness or light."

"Maybe you weren't looking closely enough," Poe said, a little irritated by the slight to Luke. His family had served Luke Skywalker personally. As far as Poe knew, Hux had no such association. He didn't know what he was talking about.

"Maybe  _you_  weren't," Hux said back with a teasing tone. "You were months with Ren. Did he seem well-adjusted to you?"

"That was because of Snoke."

"Why did he leave Luke for Snoke?" Hux asked in the tone of a teacher asking a leading question.

Poe was quiet for several strides, trying to decide if that was rhetorical, and who knew what in the Skywalker family drama. It occurred to him that he actually had no idea what Hux did and didn't know about Luke. In a low voice, he finally asked, "Do you know?"

"No. He never shared that and I never asked. We didn't have that sort of relationship. But I know these facts – he was previously Luke's student; he left; he became Snoke's. Either Snoke snared him, bought him, blackmailed him, or duped him; or Luke drove him off, annoyed him, was insufficient, or inept. But in any of those circumstances, Luke failed to retrieve his wayward apprentice from Snoke's claws and as far as I know, never even made an attempt to contest it." Hux gave Poe a meaningful arch of one brow. "It wasn't just Ren, either, but Ren and a half dozen others. Yet Luke did nothing? I see that as a distinct lack of loyalty to those he took on as his students. Indifference, even."

Poe licked his lips uneasily. "It was a complicated family situation."

"Yes. I'm sure. The Resistance headed up by Darth Vader's daughter? And she was no advocate of light, either. She was a warhawk. When the Senate wouldn't endorse her aggressive policies, she went outside the bounds of law to create her own band of militant terrorists, whose existence made peace talks impossible. Without the Resistance as a thorn in our side, we might have settled this conflict years earlier and without deploying Starkiller at all."

Poe stopped to stare at him for a moment with his mouth open. It was stunning to hear someone have such a radically different opinion of her, even as he was remembering the disagreement with Steel and Kylo over him idolizing Leia. Then he said with an angry edge, "The Hosnian Cataclysm was not her fault. And peace on Snoke's terms would have been tyranny."

Hux gave him a disbelieving look, then wiped it away between one second and the next. "The Skywalkers are a tiresome subject. Let's go back to the principles of your faith. Are there any practices, prayer times, holy days, or other functional aspects I need to honor? I am married to you, Poe," he said seriously. "You have said your faith is important to you. I will … swallow my words and that might require some assistance, reminders, and patience from you, but I will do my best and show respect on this. Tell me what I should do and I will fall into line."

"That's not-" Poe shook his head. He was frustrated. "This is just like the droids."

"What about them?"

"Last night! You just agreed. And I know you don't feel that way, but you're going to act like it for my sake and I don't-" He shook his head.

Hux looked at him quizzically. "Let's jog again," Hux said diplomatically. "It will give us both time to think and be better with one another."

"We'll be almost home, then," Poe said in a complaining tone. He gestured ahead of them. "We won't have any time to talk."

"Then we go past and you show me what's in the other direction. Or we stop there and discuss it under the tree. It's part of this. It might as well hear."

Poe drew in a deep breath and let it out in a huff. "You're really trying not to argue with me, aren't you?"

"Definitely."

Poe scrubbed at his face. "Okay. Alright. You're right. I'm being an idiot. Let's just run for a while."

They ran. It worked to help him clear his head and reset. They stopped at the turnoff for Kes' house. Poe gestured forward along the footpath where it extended further off into the country, walking that way himself as he caught his breath. Hux moved next to him without comment.

When he speak comfortably, Poe said, "I'm loosely a member of the Church of the Force. So is my father and so was my mother. We believe the Jedi, or at least the light side of the Force, is necessary for life. Or at least, for a life worth living. The Force is in everything. It binds the galaxy together."

Hux gave him an apprehensive look and said nothing.

"There aren't any specific observances. We respect or revere the Force and those who practice it on the light side. What they can do are miracles. That's how I was raised." Poe scrubbed at his face again. "Then most of a year ago, Rey showed me these books she had. Luke gave them to her. They were ancient Jedi texts, the holy words of the faith. They should have … they  _do_  trump everything I was taught." Poe chewed his lower lip and looked at Hux. "They're the real deal. The holy words. But it didn't match up with what I'd been taught."

Poe chuckled nervously, "It didn't emphasize light over dark. It didn't pretend the dark side didn't count or wasn't necessary. It was more about balance. Or at least the parts Rey read to me were. There were, like, several books and …"

Hux smiled. "And when you had the chance, you didn't read the entirety of the original holy books of your faith, critical to the state of your soul and how you view reality itself. You skimmed them?"

Poe blushed and gave an embarrassed laugh. "Well, uh, Rey read parts of them out loud to me. So … yeah. Do you feel any better about me not reading your file now?"

"Immensely." Hux nodded. "Thank you. That does make me feel better. I'd been nursing that as something of a slight. Now I see it had nothing to do with me."

"Good. Because I love you and I didn't skip over it because I didn't care. I cared about the stuff Rey was reading, too. Like I said, it wasn't the same thing I'd grown up with. The weird thing is how little it sank in. I wonder if that has something to do with how I see Leia. I just can't mentally picture her as anything but a light side user."

"Are you sure you have that opinion of your own free mind?"

Poe gave him an annoyed look. "Yes, I'm sure."

"So where does that put you now? Is it a crisis of faith to find that the source material differs from modern interpretation?"

"Not really. The Force is still there. It's just that … I can't dismiss the dark side. It's a valid way of being. I see Kylo, Steel, Nera – they seem fine, doing what they're doing. I met a couple other of the knights. They seemed to be living a life worth living, you know? Leia had some stuff to say about where she thought the dark side's power came from. I wish I'd talked to her more about it, but from what she said, it seemed to come from pain. You get hurt. You suffer. You use all that energy to tap into the Force and it comes out dark."

Hux was looked at him with trepidation, not that different from how he had earlier.

"You okay?" Poe asked.

"Yes, fine. Go on." His voice was even more clipped than usual.

"What are you thinking?"

"That I know exactly what you mean. But I've never been given any power as a result of it. Just equilibrium. A sense that I understood my place in things and it was to …"

Poe furrowed his brow and tilted his head.

"Go on," Hux insisted. "I don't want to talk about me, or think about it."

"Okay. Well, regardless of any difference between the books and the teachings, the Force is still what gives meaning to everything, even if we don't always understand that meaning. People who have studied it and are attuned to it have a better understanding than the rest of us. They can prove that through what they can do."

"Do I … undermine you by forbidding you to study the Force further and develop whatever abilities you think you might have?"

"No." Hux looked unsure of that, so Poe said, "It's been months since Rey told me. I've had other things to do that were more important.  _You_  are more important. What I can and can't do might not even amount to much. Rey didn't say if I was strong or weak. And like I said before, I'm not sure that getting personally involved with the Force is my calling in life." He took Hux's hand. "But one thing I am sure of – being personally involved with you is my calling in life."

Hux smiled and squeezed his hand. Poe stopped them in the path, lifting Hux's hand to his lips for a kiss. "I would do anything for you. Do you understand that?" he asked, still holding Hux's hand near his lips.

Hux studied him. "Anything?"

"Yes. Anything."

"I think you're implying that you're willing to turn your back on your faith. If you will do anything for me, anything at all, then do this: never dishonor yourself for me. I have no faith of any consequence. It is I who will follow yours, if I can. I hope that you are generous enough of spirit to allow me to do things for your sake. I can think of no better way to show you that I mean it when I say I love you."

Poe kissed his hand again and shut his eyes. "I know. That was stupid of me earlier. If I'd gone any further that direction, it would have been ungrateful and mean and I hope you call me out on it if I ever do. Thank you so much for keeping your head and having us take a run." He nodded his head in the direction they were walking. They resumed, still holding hands. Hux said nothing, so Poe asked, "Do you have any religious beliefs?"

Hux shrugged. "The strong take advantage of the weak. So it's best to be as strong as possible."

"Is that how you think things should be?"

"How I think things should be has little to do with how they are. Unless I'm strong enough to make it so."

Poe swung their hands a little. "Tell me how you think things should be."

"Oh, in an ideal case?" Hux asked loftily. "Well, then I should be in control of everything. And it should be easy to manage with there being nothing I should be too concerned about. Everyone would appreciate my wisdom and I would solve all the problems, whatever they might be."

Poe grinned broadly. "I'll tell you what, Emperor Hux," he took a quick glance up and down the path – it was deserted – and went to both knees, "I will be your devoted servant."

"Poe!" He sounded scandalized. Poe chuckled, but stayed where he was. He kissed Hux's hand again – his knuckle, like he really was the emperor. Poe looked up at him sweetly. "You're ridiculous," Hux said, but his voice was warm and pleased. Poe stood and they embraced. Poe ran his hand through Hux's hair and Hux kissed him in front of his ear. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Want to head back to the house, or take up jogging again?"

"How about we jog back to the house?"

"Good compromise. I'm up for it."


	11. Static

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Dinner, two days after the wedding, Dameron household on Yavin IV.

"Can you tell me about Snoke?" Kes asked once they were settled in to dinner.

Hux had been served a cooked purple tuber with a tan sauce over it with soft, round green seeds around it. At least, he assumed they were seeds. He might be familiar with what went into the food chain, but not what it looked like in the raw state or even semi-processed as this was. "Yes," Hux answered. "What do you want to know about him?"

Kes shrugged. "Anything. The news media has almost nothing on him."

"Well, he was the supreme leader of the First Order for about six years."

"Where'd he come from?" The question was blurted out in a sharp tone, like Hux's general opening statement wasn't at all what Kes was looking for.

"I have no idea." Hux's tone, in response, was the same defensive anger he'd used liberally two nights before. He straightened in his seat like he'd been called to attention.

Poe looked between them. "Dad, you're a little aggressive on your questions. They come across like demands."

Kes looked at Poe judgmentally for volunteering as referee, then at Hux. Since it seemed Poe's father wasn't taking the correction smoothly, Hux did instead. In a normal tone, he said, "I actually do not know."

Also obviously trying to back off, Kes asked, "Is that normal, that someone took over in the First Order and you have no idea where they came from?"

Hux made a small shrug. "It's not  _ab_ normal. They don't make announcements about that sort of thing and it was above my grade to know."

"A grand marshal and you didn't know where the guy came from?"

Poe gave his father a warning look, but didn't say anything.

Hux answered patiently, "I wasn't even a general when he came to power. There was no opportunity to question his bona fides after that point."

Kes asked, "What was he like?"

Hux's lids flickered and his eyes glazed over for a second. "Please be more specific," he said after shaking off the phase.

Now Poe was looking at Hux, but his expression was more along the lines of 'wait, what?' than anything else.

Kes said, "The first time you met him. Did you get a briefing or anything? How did the Order do introductions like that?"

Hux swallowed slowly and licked his lips, looking blankly at the middle of the table for a moment. Then he roused himself to look at Kes. "There was a briefing, yes. But it didn't tell me anything about him – just where to kneel, how to address him, that sort of thing."

"Was that normal?"

"The briefing? Yes. Always. For first time meetings, at least. They're called protocol reviews."

"No, the kneeling. Do you guys kneel to everyone?"

"What?" Hux snapped at him in sudden irritation at the insult. "Of course not!"

Kes pursed his lips and said nothing.

Hux sighed at his own overreaction and explained, "Only when swearing oaths, initially presenting yourself to those in your direct chain of command, as a special show of deference, or as directed. Snoke was in my direct chain of command, obviously. After the initial introduction, I was always to stand unless ordered otherwise, which happened often enough."

Kes' brow furrowed. "You mean he'd change his mind? Have you show up and then tell you to kneel? Or sit?"

"There was no sitting. I mean …" Hux swallowed again and took an uneasy breath. "I mean he … he did things I wouldn't have been able to stay standing for and …" He turned his attention to breathing. The room seemed too small. The tree was outside. He was sharply aware of it and not in the context of a threat, but just a presence that he had forgotten about until now. It was like he was standing under boughs that filtered the too-harsh rays of the Jakku sun. He was a small boy from a rainy planet squinting up at the painfully bright orb. Flashes of it still pierced the leaves to stab at his eyes. He winced.

"Did … what?" Kes was looking from Hux to Poe, but Poe was looking only at Hux.

Hux pulled himself back to reality and focused on Kes, but couldn't for the life of him remember what they'd been talking about. "What else did you want to know?" Hux asked, since it seemed like a safe question to cover for his lapse.

"Uh, 'Kay. Well, you had a briefing, then you met him. What was that like?"

Oh yes – they'd been talking about Snoke. Hux looked at the same spot on the table again. He felt dull inside. He grasped for something he could say. Everything was jumbled. He knew what had happened, but he couldn't find the words to describe it. He tried to recall what had led up to that first meeting. That was when he finally found something he could say. "It was … I … I recall thinking his title was unusual. He was only styling himself as 'Leader' at that point. But then I entered the room."

"And?"

There were no words that he could call up like this, under pressure, with eyes on him and the tree reading his mind, tugging. The light stabbing at him. He wanted to flinch, but held himself still instead. Poe put his hand on the table near him. Hux glanced at it, but left it there. The end – the end of the meeting. The things he'd thought as he left, when Snoke's attention wasn't on him any longer. Like the things that happened before it, those were easier to articulate. "I was given forty-eight hours to prove the feasibility of the Starkiller design."

"Or … what?" Hux looked up at him levelly. Kes said incredulously, "Or he would have killed you?"

"That was the implication. I have no reason to believe I misunderstood." The next two days had been immensely stressful. Snoke had given him a taste of what could happen to him if he failed. A quick death would have been preferable. He breathed out shakily.

Kes looked at Poe, who shrugged at him and said, "My understanding from Kylo is that's how it was." His voice sounded so normal to Hux's ears, like it had earlier as he'd gone through the table spices and they'd discussed each of them and how they altered the food. Like he was discussing nothing more than an over-salted dish. It seemed unaccountably jarring and he wanted to criticize Poe for it, but anything he might say sounded stupid: 'Don't talk that way', 'You can't say that', 'No one knows that'. They didn't make sense as statements, even if they were grammatically correct. He was still chewing over that when he realized Kes was speaking again.

"Obviously it was feasible," Kes said, apparently to Hux, although he was finding very basic aspects of the conversation to be difficult to follow. What was feasible? Kes asked, "What was he?"

"You mean species? Snoke?" Were they still talking about Snoke?

"Yeah."

"I don't know." He knew that made him look stupid. He felt stupid, too. He felt like most of his brain had stopped working. There was a lot of static, but he couldn't actually hear it. He just knew it was there. Just like the air pressure seemed higher and he couldn't breathe easily. Had he breathed in too much dust on Jakku?

"You don't know anything about him?"

He had no idea what Kes was talking about. He felt even more deficient. He stared at the table fixedly, waiting patiently in overload because that was what he was supposed to do when Snoke overtaxed him. Kes' question repeated in his head, demanding an answer. It was about Snoke, right? The entire conversation had been about Snoke.

"Dad …" he heard Poe say and there might have been a motion from Poe that he caught in his peripheral vision, but it was unimportant.

Did he know anything about Snoke? That was the question, right?

He thought about Snoke's routines, his preferences, his appointments, his orders, his mannerisms, the casual looks, the callousness, the incisive cruelties that Hux had known were done to make him squirm, so that Hux could endure them and Snoke could be amused by that. Openly, too. No reason to hide it when you were that firmly in control.

The laughter. The sneering. Kylo Ren. The Force. The killings, because calling them executions made them sound proper when they weren't. They were just a powerful creature ending someone because he could – a powerful creature Hux had had to work with, for, and keep placated for six years, without ever being able to entertain so much a bad thought against it. His nights had eroded and his world had constricted until he was … less.

Hux couldn't put any of that into words. He couldn't even bring it together as coherent thoughts. Different words came out of his mouth. He heard himself say, "I am tired," with surprisingly fluidity. "I need to rest." He rose from the table, noticing Poe's hand there as though he'd seen it before and forgotten it until seeing it again now. He didn't know what to do about it, though. Was it even allowed? He headed off to the bedroom where he wouldn't attract so much attention.

XXX

"Did I do something wrong?" Kes asked Poe after Hux left the room.

"No." Poe looked at Hux's unfinished meal. "When he told me his life story, he skipped the part with Snoke. Six years, everything that happened recently – nothing. At least, no details. He said there was no comparison between that and what happened with his father. He kind of froze up even with that little bit he told me." Poe chewed his lip.

Kes tilted his head at a sound. "That's not the bedroom door."

"What?"

"That was the front door. Opened and closed." He jerked his chin in the direction of the hall that led to the rest of the house – both the bedrooms and the front entrance. "He didn't go in the bedroom."


	12. Standing Together

Poe stood, looking down the hallway in alarm. "Hugs?" He went down the hall and shoved open the door to their bedroom anyway. It was empty, as his father had said. Kes trailed behind him as he went to the front door. He stared out, but the yard was clear. "Kriff," Poe said softly. "Where did he go?"

He ran out to the turn-off along the path. Hux had to have been running full-tilt to get out of sight so quickly, or on the speeder, which he didn't know how to operate and Poe hadn't heard the whine of the engine. He looked back at the shed where they kept the vehicles – it was still shut. He scanned down the road one way and then the other. There was no way he could have cleared out this fast. As Poe jogged back to the house, he caught sight of the tree over it. Then he knew.

"Did you see him?" Kes asked.

Poe shook his head. "I know where he is, though." He led the way back through the house to where he could see out the back window. Hux was standing in front of the uneti tree, looking up at it. His hands were empty. Poe breathed out in relief as that particular, unlikely threat dissipated.

"What's he doing?"

"I don't know," Poe said. He looked at his father. "Do you have any ice cream?"

Kes gave him a confused look. "Uh … yeah. Yeah, I do. Janys brought some over last month. She was trying out some flavors. She makes stuff at home." He moved to the cooler and dug around in the freezer compartment to pull out a half-full container. "Here."

Poe got out a spoon and bowl. "What flavor is it?" He dished it up anyway. It was lime green.

"Koyo."

"Koyo?" Poe grimaced.

"Hey, it's okay," Kes said defensively. "I would have thrown it out if it wasn't. I've eaten half of it, you know. She makes good stuff. He said he likes sour things anyway. It's for him, right?"

"Yeah." Poe handed his father the carton to put away and picked up the bowl. "Yeah, maybe he'll like it. I'm going to go talk to him."

"Sure. I'll put up dinner. Find out if I said something wrong, okay?"

Poe nodded and walked out, not bothering to put on his shoes. Hux had to be shoeless as well and he was. Hux had sat down on the far side of the tree by the time Poe came out – not quite out of sight of the house as Poe could see his slumped shoulder. He was looking at the ground in front of himself. Poe saw Hux grimace and straighten when he saw him coming. But it wasn't a flinch.

"Can I join you?" Poe asked. Hux nodded. Poe took a seat on the ground next to him. "Want some ice cream?"

Hux looked at it blankly for a long moment. "Yes. Please." He sounded lost.

Poe offered him a spoonful. "I haven't tasted it. It's homemade by a neighbor, so I don't know what you're getting here." He was quiet and calm, acutely aware Hux was having a breakdown of sorts.

Hux didn't comment. He just took it from the spoon, then smiled wanly. "I like that. That's good. Very pleasant. May I have more?" His words were fine, but there was next to no enthusiasm in them.

Poe smiled, too. "Sure. It's for you. You want me to feed it to you?"

"No. I appreciate the offer, but I'll do it. I have preferences on how I eat frozen foods."

"Okay." Poe handed over the bowl. "That's koyo flavor. You really like it?"

Hux seemed to be perking up some. "Yes. That's what you grow here, right? Or Kes does, at least?"

Poe nodded. "The only way I can eat them is when they're perfectly ripe or just a little overripe. Otherwise, they're too sour."

"This is very sweet," Hux said, gesturing at the ice cream with a normal level of animation. "But not enough to overpower it. It still has a lovely bite. Perhaps we should employ this neighbor in our ice cream shop scheme."

Poe smiled at the thought. "I didn't actually taste it. Can I?" Hux offered him a spoonful. Poe took it. "No, that's not bad. That's okay. Not really what I'm into, but it's okay."

Hux nodded. He looked at the spoon Poe had sucked the ice cream off and used it for his next bite anyway. Poe pressed his lips together, realizing it was the only spoon they had between them at the moment. He was quietly thankful he had such a gracious man.

Poe breathed out and leaned back against the tree as Hux ate. "I got worried there for a moment. I thought you were going in the bedroom."

"So did I. But as I reached the door, I thought I'd rather have some air. Then as I stepped outside, I knew where I was being called. I've felt enough summons in my life to recognize one." He gestured up at the tree. "So I came. I am not so wildly phobic about the Force that I cower from the mere use of it."

Poe looked up at it, then at Hux. "Were you talking to it earlier? When I looked out the window?"

"Yes."

He leaned forward in sudden attention. "Was it talking back to you?"

"I don't think it understands language as we do. I understood it in the dream, but not so much now."

Poe stared at him, then up at the tree. "You really think it's sentient?"

"Yes. The memories I keep having feel an awful lot like what … like what …. Yes." Hux fidgeted with the bowl, turning it restlessly.

Poe put a hand on Hux's leg. They sat together as Hux went on to demolish the ice cream in short order, making Poe wonder if he should have brought more. "What did you ask it?" he said after Hux had set the bowl aside.

"Why it was looking at my memories, showing them to me. When Snoke …" He cast a furtive glance at Poe, then relaxed. "When Snoke did that, he had an intention. It was a way of speaking. In my mind, he did not always speak in Basic. Sometimes it was concepts. And often, my own memories when he wanted to say something about them. He would bring up something that had happened and then … tell me how I should see it, or what I should see of myself in it."

Poe looked at him with his mouth open a little. He was thinking about Kylo's long mental influence by Snoke, but also Hux's. "That's what the tree is doing to you?"

"I don't know." Hux drew his knees up to his chest, making himself small. "Yesterday morning when your father walked out, I remembered Snoke's slippers. Later, my father's contempt for sweets. This morning, the project … the proj- the timetable."

Poe made a shallow nod. "I saw. You looked like you were having trouble, but then it sorted itself out."

Hux smirked bitterly. "I couldn't block out the memories of that first interview when Kes asked tonight. I hadn't realized how disordered they were. It wasn't something I ever thought on after it happened, except in the interest of avoiding it happening again and the knowledge I'd endured it before. It's pulling out one memory after another, at random, like it can't make any more sense of it than I can."

Hux stretched his legs before him again. "I wanted to come out here where I could confront it directly. I will not hide in our bed while it does this to me."

"What can I do to help you? I'll do anything, Hugs."

Hux exhaled. "I do not wish to be a trouble. I want to be your loving husband, competent and able. To help you with the business, to go out with you tomorrow and check the other properties. To read the contracts they're putting in front of you so you don't get taken because you only skimmed it." Hux chuckled a little at that and Poe smiled.

Poe rubbed Hux's leg. "That's what a loving husband would say, Hugs. You are not a trouble. This isn't something I didn't expect. I've spent nine months with Kylo Ren and his people, watching them dig out of similar – and they had problems. During all that time, you've been working in the First Order, mostly alone, by which I mean apart from me and away from anyone who was in a position to help you work out the issues. Now you're here. We can do this together if you want. I'm here to help."

"Apparently the tree is here to help, too," Hux said dryly.

Poe looked up at it and frowned. "Is it the problem? I will find a way to get it to shut up if you want me to. I happen to personally know the two most powerful Force users in the galaxy."

Hux chuckled at the threat. "That's fine. I do not need that. It's not doing anything I cannot bear."

Poe carefully climbed over Hux's extended legs so he was straddling them and facing Hux. Slowly and with emphasis, he said, "You're not fine. I'm offering my support. It is doing something to you." Poe breathed out uneasily. "Please help me figure out what to do for you, Hugs. I don't know. This isn't an enemy I can shoot."

Hux touched Poe's knees. Poe put his hands above Hux's, not touching until Hux turned his hands palm-up and took them. They held hands. Hux said, "It could be."

Poe's eyes widened slightly as he thought he understood Hux was talking about the tree. "Okay." He accepted that, hoping like hell they could find another solution.

"You'd do anything?"

Poe exhaled, looking into Hux's eyes. "Anything." And yet still, Hux gave him a doubtful look. Poe said, "I am on your side, whether it's against my father, this tree, or the Force itself."

Hux blinked at him, his eyes watering. He looked down and Poe followed his gaze to their joined hands. Poe rubbed his thumbs over them. There was only one thing Poe had seen Armitage Hux moved to tears over. Poe asked, "Have you ever had someone take your side?"

"Sloane. But otherwise?" Hux made a very small shake of his head. "Only in the context of subordinates following orders or those commanding officers who thought I'd done a satisfactory job. Even my engineering teacher, I had to win over with lies." He gave a short, mirthless chuckle. "I suppose it was a vote of confidence that Admiral Nayta was unable to persuade my people to mutiny against me. I was surprised by that. And quite flattered. I thought they hated me, even though Ren had told me different."

"This isn't a First Order marriage where we're just living together. My ultimate loyalty is to you. That's what I signed up for with you." Poe gave Hux's hands a squeeze. "This is what it means."

Hux let go of Poe's hands to wipe at his eyes. He breathed out uneasily and while so occupied said, "Your father said you burned the tree when you were a child, that it took nearly a year of doting on it before you were both sure it would survive."

"Yeah. That's what happened." Poe's throat was dry as his brain jumped forward to what Hux might have in mind. "I lit off a couple pod-racer engines too close to it. The back blast scorched it and shriveled up all the leaves. We thought I'd killed it. A koyo tree wouldn't have survived. No normal tree would have." He glanced up at it, wondering if it was wise to have this discussion here and now.

"Good. I want you to focus on that memory. Project it, like it's a mental statement you're sending to someone with telepathy."

"Okay. Right this second, or can we talk about this a little?"

"We can talk."

"Good. What are you trying to do?" Poe glanced up at the tree. "We're having this discussion right under it. You say it doesn't understand Basic, but what if it does?"

"Then it will understand what we're doing, which would be even better. I've tried talking to it in our language. It didn't help. So I'll try in its. My intention is to threaten it. All living things value their life. It knows pain. It knows danger. I want it out of my head so I can think through this without having it picking at me. I would be happily repressing my memories and giving your father glib answers over dinner if it weren't for this thing." He glanced upward at the tree.

"Oh." Poe smiled. "I thought you were going to be a lot more drastic than that."

Hux raised his brows. "And you were about to go along with that?"

"Well, I did want to talk about it. Besides, it was a lot smaller back then and we don't even have the pod-racing engines anymore. I'm with you, you're in charge, and I'll try to figure it out, but," Poe shrugged, "I was hoping we could talk it out before you wanted me to start shooting it or something."

Hux stared at him for a moment, then gave him a charmed smile. "I appreciate your loyalty so much. You know, though, it could still respond badly to this."

Poe shrugged again and gave Hux's hands a squeeze. "Then it does. Are we doing this now?" Thinking angry thoughts at a plant, sentient or not, seemed easy enough.

"Yes." Hux nodded. "I will show it my dream again. You – your memory. Now." His eyes hooded and he looked down at their hands. Poe swallowed again and thought back to that day, nearly two decades ago. He remembered how horrified he'd been to see the damage. Some of the leaves were gone, branches scorched. Even the leaves on the opposite side of the tree had been wilted. His father had gone to his knees – sad, disappointed, angry. But mostly distressed because the emblem of the Force he'd been entrusted with had been, he thought, destroyed by his own failing as a parent.

Poe had felt so ashamed. He felt an odd echo, because he'd felt that shame when he'd watched in terrified horror as one transport after another had been blown up near Crait. And with that, he had a sudden flash of certainty – Hux was right. The thing was in his head. Because he hadn't pulled up that memory himself. Something else had. It had followed the emotional linkage and plucked out a related memory that he hadn't been considering.

He put his focus back on the pod-racer engines, back before he'd activated them, to when he'd hooked them up, his childish, short-sighted intentions of helping his father in the orchard with his new, cobbled-together contraption, and the moment when he'd test-fired the engines. He'd been filled with glee and pride at that moment, totally oblivious of the effect of the heat and power roaring from the engines and directly into the uneti tree. He focused on that thought, that glee, and the memory of the blast as solidly as he could.

Then … It was silent. Like the quality of sound had changed. The evening was still, but it lost the tranquility he'd always felt here. It was like night anywhere else – on base, on D'Qar, in a ship. It was simply quiet and dark with night sounds in the distance. He realized how right Hux had been to immediately sense that the place was different and what was causing it. Poe opened his eyes, having been unaware of having closed them. Hux was looking at him.

"I think it worked," Hux said.

"I feel it." Poe looked up, past Hux's head at the trunk, and then up into the branches. "Did we kill it? Did we hurt it? I have this feeling like I just told something sacred to go fuck itself." He kept looking up in wide-eyed concern. "But on the other hand, I'm glad to be able to show you I'm willing to do more than hold hands and listen."

"If it operates like Snoke and Ren did, then the worst we'd be responsible for is hurt feelings. The withdrawal on its part could mean anything."

"What if we turned it off? Like permanently?"

"If only the Force worked that way." He sounded wistful.

"I remembered how bad I felt back when I was a kid and it gave me another memory, something I hadn't been thinking of at all – how gutted I felt when the  _Supremacy_ started taking out the transports over Crait. It magnified it – it took that one emotion and managed to find something even worse." Poe turned that concerned look on Hux. "Is that what's it's been like for you here? This thing slicing at you every time you have a bad thought?"

Hux didn't answer that. He pulled Poe closer and hugged him, burying his face against his neck and holding him there as he stroked Poe's back. "This is what it means to stand together? This is what you vowed?" Poe nodded and Hux heaved a deeper breath. "I love you."


	13. Snoke Tonesetter

"Either something is crawling up my leg or else the tree is taking revenge on me."

Poe dismounted from where he was crouched/sitting over Hux's extended legs. He looked at Hux's bare feet. "What do you mean?"

Hux stood. "Formication. Snoke would do this." He shook his right leg.

"Fornication?" Poe was baffled at this sudden disclosure. "Snoke? With …?"

"No, form- with an 'm'. It's the sensation of something crawling on your skin. I don't recall if it's always false or if the word applies as well to when something actually does crawl on you." The lack of offense, disgust, or even commentary on the misunderstanding about Snoke was odd by itself. Hux looked down and shook his pants this time. "Could it be one of those purple spiders Kes mentioned?"

"It's too dark for me to see anything. Do you want to go inside?"

"Yes. Let's."

Poe scooped up the bowl and spoon, dropping them off in the kitchen as they passed through. "We're going to call it a night, Dad," Poe called out to him as they went.

"Everything okay out there?" he answered back from his own bedroom.

"Yep. See you in the morning." They went in their bedroom. After the door was shut, Poe asked Hux, "Do you think he feels anything different after we … shut down the tree?" The calm, secure presence was still missing, like background noise that had been turned off.

"How do we know we're not exempted and everything else senses it the same? Maybe it's not a field that's turned on and off, but rather attention that lifts or remains on an individual basis."

"Huh. Do you think it works that way?"

"I don't know. Much of the Force seemed to rely on awareness. Snoke spoke of that often enough – what he sensed or knew through the Force, but he didn't review the mechanics with me. I don't know how it works."

Poe nodded and sat on the bed, checking between his toes for grass and making sure the soles of his feet were clean. "Do you still have that crawling feeling on your leg?"

Hux was stripping off his pants. "No. Either the tree stopped, or the creature dropped off my skin." After checking his legs carefully, he moved on to changing into pajamas.

"You said Snoke used to do that? Like," Poe held up his hand and wiggled his fingers, "tickling your skin with the Force?"

"I suppose that's possible, but no, that's not what he did." Hux finished dressing for bed and climbed on, sitting with his back to the headboard as he watched Poe undress. "It was … more invasive than that. He went through the brain. The senses. How you …" He sighed and changed his language, "How  _I_  perceived my body. He'd manipulate it from there. It was like playing with the volume, mostly. He only rarely changed what I was sensing. It was usually just more or less of it." Hux's voice had grown faint. He looked down at the bed and plucked at the blanket. "He could blind me. Make me deaf. Or make me feel as though the air against my skin was an army of insects. I didn't like it."

In pajamas now, Poe sat himself down in the middle of the bed. "I'll bet. Did he do that often?"

"In the early meetings." Hux's voice was strained. He cleared his throat. He was still looking at the blanket.

"Any idea why? What did he get out of that?"

"Showing me he owned me."

"Oh."

Hux shook his head slightly, not raising his head. "He didn't say as much. But I assumed that was his point. I ignored it. I've never belonged to anyone but myself. He was just shaming me with my inability to block him."

"In the early meetings – like the first one?"

Hux nodded.

"Do you want to talk about what else happened?"

Hux breathed out heavily. "What happens if I don't? He died nearly a year ago. At what point is it proper to put the past behind you and say it doesn't matter anymore?"

Poe raised a finger. "Think about that for a moment. I'll be right back." He went to the bathroom and returned with a damp washcloth, settling himself cross-legged and sideways on the bed. He lifted Hux's feet onto his lap and began to clean them.

"Am I dirty?"

"Not in any way that matters," Poe said lightly.

"I was distracted by checking for that creature and forgot about my feet."

Poe nodded as he scrubbed.

Hux said, "You're very considerate to do this for me."

Poe gave him a smile. "I enjoy it. Now, about your question," he said as he moved on to cleaning between Hux's toes, "If you never deal with this, then in addition to you having had to go through it, you've also lost those six years to the point that you can't talk about them, think about them, or grow from it. He took that from you and locked it up in a box you're not letting yourself open, even now that he's gone."

Poe leaned over to the side and hung the washcloth on the end of the bed. He sat up and rubbed Hux's feet. As when he'd done it before, Hux jerked a little at first and Poe had to soften his touch. Hux grabbed the side of his hand with his toes and squeezed some. Poe smiled at him and was released to continue.

"You think I should work through this," Hux said.

"Uh-huh." Poe rubbed individual toes. "Did you know Snoke had a lover?"

"No."

"He did. As far as I can tell. One of the knights claimed it. Kylo and the other knight said it was true."

"Interesting." Though he did not sound interested – neither repulsed nor intrigued. Hux exhaled and wiggled his toes, gripping Poe's fingers more lightly than he had before. "I can't confirm or deny it. He had no recognized relationship that I know of, but he had plenty of private audiences to indulge whatever he interests he had. I know he understood human sexual response and boundaries because he transgressed them intentionally at times."

"With you?"

Hux paused for a moment, considering. "No. But I saw him touch other people in ways I considered inappropriate. To judge by their reactions, they agreed. It is my opinion he did so with the purpose of revolting and threatening them, not because he was actually interested. But I might be wrong."

"Hm." Poe put his index finger between Hux's big toe and the others, letting him grip it, then removing it in very careful play. "Was he that hard to work with … from the beginning?"

"You're going to keep circling back to that subject, are you?"

"You're onto me. Would you rather I didn't? I can, if that's what you want. But maybe you just need help getting started on it."

"You have a good point that I struggle to answer even basic questions about that time without getting upset."

"Hm," Poe said again. He held his hand out a few inches in front of Hux's foot. Hux extended his foot to touch it against Poe's hand. Poe repeated it for the other foot.

"What are you doing with my feet?"

"Playing." Poe looked at him innocently. "I like playing. You said you weren't fragile. So I'm trying to work out what I can get away with here." He stroked the top of Hux's foot and waggled his brows.

Hux wiggled his toes. "I thought you were testing me somehow. I suppose you are."

"That's probably what you're more familiar with, isn't it?"

"Yes." Hux exhaled heavily. "We had games in the academy, but they weren't playful. They were either competitive or about learning a skill. Most of the training modules are set up that way. I don't believe anyone has ever played with my feet. Should I play with yours? Is this something we do together?"

"It could be. I'd like it. But I'd rather keep doing this for a little bit."

Hux nodded. He rearranged the pillows behind him to lean against the headboard more comfortably. "The protocol briefing was short. Most of them are."

"Are we talking about … the first meeting?"

"Yes." Hux sighed. "I don't recall the woman's name but she talked me through the process. He was on the  _Absolution_  at that point. I was familiar with it, both from my youth and from slave harvesting. It had been our primary training ship for children until we expanded to the Downs. The  _Supremacy_  had not yet been constructed at that point."

Poe stroked Hux's shins, pushing up the pajamas and looking at the fine, blonde hairs. He kept up normal touching. Hux seemed calm so far.

"I went there," Hux said. "It was a private shuttle. He was always fond of meeting people alone so he could concentrate on them. Or rather, one person he would focus on. He didn't care how many others were in the room – guards, myself, Fuseb, other aides. We were to wait while he did what he did. He did not favor … collaborative meetings where people spoke to one another and exchanged ideas." Hux laughed hollowly.

"He was in one of the smaller instruction halls, probably for the screens. They covered the walls, but they were powered down when I entered. The room was empty – no desks, no chairs, excepting his own and a small table next to it. I-" Hux blinked and looked to the side. Poe kept petting his ankles and the tops of his feet. He curled his hands under to cup Hux's heels, watching as Hux seemed to struggle to get his mind back on track. Hux was breathing uneasily now, holding each breath before letting it out.

"I was on time. I went … where I was supposed to. I knelt until he addressed me, which was promptly. He called me to rise, so I did." Hux examined the blanket as he had earlier, plucking at it restlessly. "He asked me … if I was the last charged with carrying out the emperor's will." Hux swallowed and his face screwed up in minor pain or distaste. "I told him there was also Rae. He implied she was dead. Then he had me get on my knees." The expression matured into one of pain.

"Knees? Not just kneeling?"

"Knees, yes." Hux pinched the corner of the blanket until his knuckles turned white. His throat worked. "I was still … defiant at that stage. You see? I … I did not. I … went to one knee. I pretended …" He struggled with himself for a moment, before finishing, "I pretended I had misunderstood. But he saw my mind. He used, um." Hux waved a hand in front of him in a shooing motion.

"The Force?" Poe guessed. "He shoved you?"

"No, he-, well, yes. It was electricity, though. Not a shove. I fell. Or I blacked out. Both. It wasn't like normal electricity. I've been shocked enough times working with circuitry or droids. It was different. Draining. Enervating. It felt like he'd taken something from me. My blood. My life. Something, through the Force. Force lightning, I think they call it. I-" Hux exhaled. "When I woke, I went to my knees. As … as directed."

"Oh." Poe looked at him with concern.

"And hands."

"You mean on all fours?"

"Yes. Like an animal." Hux looked at his own knees blankly.

"That was your first experience of him?"

Hux gave a pained smile, pinching and tugging at the edge of the blanket. He didn't look up. "He knew how to set the tone."

"No wonder you had trouble getting started. That sucks. What happened next?"

Hux crossed his arms over his belly. "He went through my body and my mind. I later discovered this was a 'brief' tour of my physical form and the highlights of my memories and personality. He showed me some things like I have described the tree doing. He wanted me to know he saw my failings.

"He also pointed out some of my strengths. It felt like praise. After having my faults laid out in front of me, I fixated on what good he offered and vowed to do better about my weaknesses. He laughed at me. Said I couldn't be improved. There was nothing to be done about it. I was flawed. The question was only if I was willing to play to my strengths enough for my service to be worthwhile."

"Kriff." Poe saw the direct line to how that fucked someone up. Poe put his fist to his mouth, curled index finger against his lips.

"Well, that was it." Hux released a deep breath and uncrossed his arms. "No, not really. Another part – he knew about Starkiller somehow – the designs I'd shown Thrawn and Sloane. He charged me with misusing Order resources in pursuit of my pet project. He tried to twist it that I was somehow responsible for their disappearance, but I didn't accept that. He didn't know me as well then as he did later. He made a better point of how my fascination with it was due to being too weak on Lothal. Fearful. Vengeful. I was petty. I was compensating, overcompensating. I was vain. That found its mark."

Hux licked his lips and twisted the blanket, rolling the fabric into his fist. "I was utterly transparent to him. He wasn't omniscient, but he still saw through to things I hadn't even known of myself. It was all about my defiance of my father's wishes. My useless fantasy life of being a tinkerer instead of a leader. I was not pure – not in blood, not in spirit, not in motivation or execution. He demanded I prove I hadn't wasted everyone's time by showing feasibility within two days or else he'd throw the whole thing away, myself included."

"You know he was just telling you that to manipulate you, right?"

"Just?" Hux turned on him with bared teeth and a raised voice. He jerked his feet away and to the side, coming forward with a snarl. Poe didn't move an inch aside from a single blink of surprise. Hux continued, "I know exactly what he was doing. It was all true! Every bit of it! He did not lie! He didn't need to lie! I was broken. I was useless. I was weak. I was foolish. I was  _naïve_. I was biddable and sycophantic. Not my own man. My father was dead and Snoke took up the leash that had trailed slack behind me for enough years I'd forgotten it was there! I know what he was doing! I'm not an idiot or unaware of how these things work! I'd had fifteen years of it before Snoke came along. Yes, he was manipulating me!  _It worked!_ "

It was a full, impassioned, angry, yelling speech right in his face. Probably loud enough that his father heard it in the other room. Poe blinked at him a few more times, then dipped his head a little and looked down at Hux's clenched fists. In a quiet voice, Poe asked, "Is it still working?"

"No!"

"'Kay." He looked up under his brows at Hux, looking to see if he was done yet. Hux saw the look, huffed at it, and looked away. Poe looked back down and waited. Hux's fists released and he reached out toward Poe in a jerky, unsettled motion before snatching his hand back and glancing at the door. Hux shifted his weight like he was going to leave.

"Don't go," Poe said softly. He put his own hand out slowly and held it steady in the air between them. He'd learned enough to figure out Hux was not Kylo Ren – he did not respond well to being touched first when he was stressed. He still needed touch, but only on his terms. Hux took Poe's hand immediately and squeezed. Poe swallowed after many beats passed in silence and said, "You got that out. Good job. I know it's only a fraction of what you've kept bottled up, but it's a start. I know that was tough."

"I yelled at you. I shouldn't have." Hux scrubbed at his face roughly with his free hand, still hanging onto Poe's hand tightly with his other. "I- I apologize."

"Apology accepted," Poe said immediately rather than trying to convince Hux he'd done nothing wrong by being upset and shouty about something he'd never been allowed to be upset about before. "So. He gave you two days. And you did it."

"Two very stressful days. Yes."

"Did he congratulate you?"

"No. Not really." Hux let go of Poe's hand and pulled his back to his lap, slumping back to the headboard. "I was promoted, but it didn't feel like congratulations. I-"

From down the hall, they heard Kes call out, "Is everything okay in there?"

"Yep," Poe answered loudly. "We're fine." Hux gave the direction of Kes' voice a puzzled look, so Poe said, "This isn't the First Order. Sounds of potential violence between people are investigated."

Hux considered that and nodded. "I don't want to speak of Snoke further. Maybe some other day, when I won't yell and draw attention. I couldn't even think about how I felt about what happened. Before. I don't know how to think about it now."

"Okay. We'll work it out later. Can I hug you?"

"Yes, please." Hux crawled forward to lean into his arms and press his forehead into the join of Poe's shoulder and neck.

"I can't hug you like this, buddy," Poe chuckled when Hux didn't come any closer, the rest of his body too far away to embrace. Poe ran a hand through Hux's hair instead and Hux sighed noisily.

"You've already comforted me once today. I was a sobbing mess day before yesterday. Let me retain some dignity."

Poe laughed, then made a fist in Hux's hair. He made a delicious whine at that. It stretched Poe's definition of 'dignity' somewhat, but if Hux was happy, that was good enough. "There isn't a maximum daily amount of comforting I can give out. Or if there is, you're not anywhere close to it. If you need to be a sobbing mess again, feel free. I was really happy about you crying on me before, you know?"

Hux snorted. "Were you really? I was disgusting."

Poe moved forward, guiding them both down so they were lying together on the bed. "Not to me. Crying just means you feel really intensely about something." Poe nosed at Hux's hair. "I want to be there for all of your intense feelings. You have a big heart and I love you."

Hux gave a couple dry chuckles. "I have always been convinced my heart, what of it I possessed, was a small, shriveled thing, black as space."

"It's not," Poe whispered to him like he was confiding a secret.

Hux made a small nod against him, like he might actually believe it.


	14. Mitaka meets Snoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Next morning. Three days after the wedding.
> 
> The Mitaka/Snoke story is related in more detail in the Star Performer chapter, "Company Man".

 

"What was that yelling about last night?" Kes said over his shoulder as he fried eggs the next morning.

Poe shrugged. "How awful Snoke was." He was getting drinks for the meal.

"Oh. Huh." Kes looked over at Hux who had edged to the side of the stove and was watching him cook as though trying to memorize the process. "How are your hands?"

"Clean," Hux replied, glancing up at him.

"Let me see them." Kes set down the spatula and took Hux's hands when he presented them palms-up. Hux's brow furrowed.

Poe rolled his eyes and made a frustrated, helpless gesture with his hands. "Come on, Dad."

Kes turned Hux's hands over and looked at the knuckles. He smirked up at Hux. "You don't even know what I'm looking for, do you?"

"Contaminants?"

Kes' smirk turned into a smile. He released Hux's hands and patted him on one shoulder before turning back to the eggs. Hux looked to Poe for an explanation.

Poe said, "I think he was checking to see if you'd hit me last night."

"Ah! Bruising on my knuckles." Hux glanced at them, unashamed. "No. I did not. I raised my voice. For which I apologized. I'm sorry I disturbed you as well. I will … not … in future."

"Also," Poe said in his father's direction with more irritation than was in Hux's voice, "you can look at my face. I'm fine. And I told you I was safe."

Kes shook his head. "First off, there are other places you can be hit. Second, you lie. And third, you don't bruise easy."

Poe bristled and upgraded to being angry. "As long as we're listing things, first off, he didn't. Second, he wouldn't. And third, I don't think he would have thought to hide it if he had because the Order was really different about that than we are."

Kes looked over his shoulder at Poe with a mixed expression. Hux put himself between them and nudged Poe back a step. "First, he's your father. He has a legitimate stake in your well-being. Second," Hux was smiling now to be copying the pattern, "He's the host. His rules apply. And third, I have no objection to him making sure you're safe and well."

Poe sighed and backed off. "It's an insulting insinuation in the Republic."

"I'm not insulted. Though for most, it would be an inappropriate question to ask at all. It's none of their business … but it is the business of family members. He gets to ask. Additionally, if we're disturbing the host, he gets to tell us to stop."

Kes came over and scooped eggs onto plates he already had sitting out with plain toast on them. "You blew up an entire star system or at least went along with it. It makes your whole moral framework suspect. So I'm going to ask things from time to time that I wouldn't ask other folks. It's just going to happen. Breakfast is served."

"Thank you," Hux said. Poe huffed and rolled his eyes again at the weirdness of his father and Hux finding common ground.

As they sat down, Kes asked, "So, how awful was Snoke?"

"Very," Hux said.

"Worth yelling about," Poe added.

"Uh-huh. What's the worst thing he did? Aside from blowing up the Hosnian system?"

Hux picked up his fork and kept his eyes on his plate, showing no response to the question.

Poe said, "That's not a good question to ask over breakfast."

"How bad can it be?"

"Emperor Palpatine levels of bad?" Poe suggested.

"'Sending Vader to kill younglings' bad?" Kes asked in return.

Hux chuckled inappropriately and put a fork-full of food in his mouth to stifle it.

Kes waited patiently until he'd swallowed before saying, "What was that about?"

"Dad," Poe said.

Hux shook his head. "There was a man of my own age in the First Order who had the misfortune to look eternally young, like a subadult. Your comment brought him to mind."

"A what?" Kes asked.

"A teenager?" Hux offered. "A young teenager. He looked like a large child even though he was over thirty. I liked him. He was very competent but a bit timid. Once we got past the initial tension, he proved diligent. One day, I ran across him unexpectedly on the  _Supremacy_. That was Snoke's ship. I was escorting another general to an audience with Snoke. For what reason, I had not been told and that was common enough that I didn't question it. Not that questioning it would have been allowed or answered, of course."

Hux sighed. "Anyway, this other man, the one I liked, had things to report to me of a time-sensitive nature, and the general didn't mind, so he followed along and made his report. I had intended to dismiss him before we reached Snoke's chambers, but we encountered Snoke in the hallway, as he'd been delayed from leaving whatever preceding meeting he'd had." Hux laughed again and his shoulders twitched. Poe recognized the note of hysteria.

"He killed the general – Snoke did. Choked the life out of him right there in the hall without even bothering to speak to him first." Hux's breath left him shakily. "He spoke to  _me_ , but I … I was …" He grimaced in pain, licked his lips, and reached up to touch at the side of his head, over his temple. He looked at his fingers like he expected to see blood, but they were clean. "What do I do?" he asked Poe.

Poe scooted his chair over and gently took Hux's hand, turning it so he, too, could look at it. There was nothing there. "Don't take this wrong, but are you hallucinating? Or just remembering it intensely?"

"I'm not hallucinating."

Poe looked at the spot where Hux had touched his head. There was nothing there, either.

Hux exhaled evenly. "He slammed me against the wall and I lost consciousness briefly." He took his hand back.

"Let him alone, Poe," Kes said quietly. To Hux, he said, "This is exactly the stuff I want to hear anyway. It's  _real_."

Poe glanced from Hux to Kes, then back again. "Talk it out, if you can."

Hux nodded. "Next, I stood. I was … terrified … that he'd kill the man who'd come with me because I hadn't had him leave earlier." He stared at the table. "I should have had him leave. I shouldn't have let him even on the same floor as Snoke. But Snoke had always before been where I was supposed to meet him and not roaming about loose."

It was dead silent around the table as Kes and Poe both listened. Finally, Kes asked, "Did he do it? Did he kill the younger-looking guy, too?"

Hux shook his head slowly. "No. No, he didn't. When the general finally died, Snoke told us to clean it up and left. For whatever reason, he'd only chosen to cut the man's air off so it took a long time for him to actually die. It was a long time to stand there with Snoke in front of me and wonder if Mitaka was next. That was his name, Dopheld Mitaka. We- we dragged the body into a conference room and called for clean-up. I took Mitaka with me down the hall a little further so he could pull himself together and I could … talk to him."

"Talk to him about what?"

Hux shrugged. He was still staring vacantly at the middle of the table. "How things were. He'd always been very idealistic. That's … part of what I liked about him. I had to explain … things were different."

"But he made it?"

Hux smiled slightly. "Yes."

"He's a lieutenant, right?" Poe said. "Served on the  _Finalizer_?" Hux nodded. "I don't think I ever met him, but I think I talked to him a few times."

"He was my primary aide. I'm sure you did. He set up a lot of your transfers on and off ship."

"He wasn't at the wedding?" Kes asked.

Hux shook his head. "Kylo Ren was there."

"They don't get along?" Kes asked.

"No." Hux did not elaborate.

Poe nodded. "When you say you liked him, what do you mean?"

"Just that. I thought he was a good soldier saddled with unfortunate features. He faced unwarranted difficulty because of it. As someone who was often told I was too young for my rank, I had a certain sympathy for his situation and made sure he was promoted fairly."

"Armitage," Kes said, "that story tells me so much about the First Order, you wouldn't believe. And quite a bit about you, but I'd already picked up most of it. Thank you for telling us that." He turned to Poe. "So, what are you guys going to do today?"


	15. Kill Score

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kes tries to work out more about Hux's morality by asking about the people Hux has killed. Hux is very wary of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still three days after the wedding. This chapter has been modified as of 1/7/19 from the original published form to bring it in alignment with the last few chapters of Star Performer.
> 
> This line of Hux's: "As for myself, I have not killed anyone personally in years."
> 
> Changed to this line: "As for myself, I have not killed anyone outside the fulfillment of my duties in years."

They stood and gathered up the dishes from breakfast. As they moved to the kitchen, Kes asked Hux, "Were you concerned Snoke would kill you, too, at some point?"

Hux shrugged. "Early on, I worried. Then, later," he shook his head, "it didn't matter."

"Why's that?" They stacked the dishes next to the sink. Kes rinsed a dishcloth. Poe got out a towel to dry the dishes and put out the rack.

"I realized there was no situation where he would kill me and I'd be alive to be upset about it. Therefore, I could not lose." Hux laughed bitterly. "I always thought that was clever."

Kes blinked at him a few times and gave a smile that was more like a grimace. He looked away at the cloth he was wetting, seeming on the edge of saying something, then looked back and said gently, "That is clever."

Poe's brow furrowed as he looked at his father because of the unexpected tone. He didn't say anything though.

Kes handed Hux the cloth. "Go wipe down the table."

"Yes sir." Hux headed off.

Kes started washing their few dishes. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

In an uninflected tone, Hux said, "With respect to my duty, I have a duty to show respect." He smiled to himself as he cleaned the table.

Kes looked at Poe for an explanation, who shrugged and said, "They say things like that. It's an Order thing."

"Subliminal programming," Hux said, coming back over. He went to the stove and began cleaning the cooking surfaces unbidden. "Children's sleep cycles had a background audio track of various idioms to encourage proper behavior."

"Sounds like brainwashing," Kes said.

Poe asked, "Did you go through that?"

"Not in general education because I didn't have it, but it was rolled out while I was in the academy. As far as 'brainwashing', it was unsuccessful, but it became part of the culture since nearly everyone received it. Shared background. The analog would be nursery rhymes." He looked around, not seeing anything else he was supposed to clean.

Kes chuckled at that. "You guys have a lot more uniformity in culture than the Alliance ever did." The dishes were done. He turned and dried his hands. He asked, "Once you were grand marshal, did you ever kill anyone?"

Hux gave him a quizzical look. "I authorized an execution. And I ordered some combat maneuvers that resulted in casualties. I was technically a grand marshal when the Battle of the  _Supremacy_  happened, but I think you mean when I was leading the Order, correct?"

"Yeah. What was the Battle of the  _Supremacy_?"

"Brief internal strife over Kylo Ren's legitimacy," Hux answered.

"Never heard of it. Small?"

Hux shrugged. It had been the most comprehensive space battle he'd engaged in, but the Empire had fought larger ones in the Galactic Civil War. He couldn't recall which ones Kes had been in that might give them a common sense of scale. The one over Endor, perhaps.

Poe said, "I'd never seen so many ships involved in one battle. I showed up a few days after. They were still there. We had to fly most of an hour just to get clear of the debris to jump to hyperspace."

Hux shook his head. "Most of the debris was from the  _Raddus_  hitting the  _Supremacy_  and the associated destroyers, then being flung out on the shockwave. It wasn't from the Order facing one another. We didn't actually destroy any of our own ships, aside from fighters and light craft."

Poe said, "There were still a lot of ships there when I showed up. I thought it was your whole fleet at first. When I found it wasn't even half, that was even scarier." Poe looked at his dad. "It wasn't small. We just didn't hear about it. I think the only thing that hit the news was that Kylo Ren abdicated. They made it sound peaceful. It wasn't."

"That's interesting. If you won, then why would he abdicate? But if you lost, then why is he alive?"

"Ren told me I couldn't shoot at our enemies anymore, so I attacked them with lawyers instead. They make everything messy."

Kes blinked. "Okay. I'm sure there's a story there and I'd love to hear it, too, but … one topic at a time. You consider deaths other people inflict in a battle to be your kills?"

"Whoever is in charge bears responsibility. You can't demand total, unquestioning obedience from your subordinates and then make them to blame for carrying out their orders. Only the Republic traps people in a double-bind like that."

Kes opened his mouth to say something, shut it, reconsidered, and changed the subject slightly to ask, "That execution you mentioned – was that the guy who arranged the poisoning? The assassination attempt?"

"Oh. No. It was the one who tried to switch out one of my guards with the plan of killing me as soon as they were close. We never worked out who was behind the poisoners. Insurgents of some kind, I'm sure."

"Did you kill anyone else while you were in charge? I'm not talking about military maneuvers."

"No. No, I did not," Hux said testily. "Why do you keep asking?"

"Just wondering. You said Snoke killed a guy in a hallway. I'm trying to figure out how normal that is."

Hux said, "For him, the only abnormal part was the location. For  _him_ , the act was not, nor was the rank of his target or using me as his procurer. As for myself, I have not killed anyone outside the fulfillment of my duties in years."

"How many years?"

Hux snorted and rolled his eyes. "Why do you care?"

"Because I do, Armitage," Kes said in a surprisingly kind, but amused, tone. "You're in my house and that host right thing seems to matter to you, so I'm going to exploit that and ask again, how many years?"

"You're as annoying as your son." Hux didn't sound angry about it, just exasperated.

Kes grinned, raised his brows as though impressed and looked over at Poe. Poe said, "I didn't realize I was annoying."

Kes said, "Apparently we're both annoying."

"Fifteen," Hux provided. "You're both  _persistent_."

"Fifteen years ago?"

"Yes."

"How did that happen?"

"They died in the night."

"That's vague."

"That's all you're getting. It was off the record and none of your business."

"Uh-huh. I saw that knife you wear to go running. Was that what you used?" Hux didn't answer. "Did they have it coming at least?"

"As I said, it's none of your business, host or not. If you feel I'm too dangerous to have in your house, then tell me so and I'll leave."

Kes shook his head. "No, I'm fine with you here. Especially now that we're actually talking. Were you paid for it though? Was it personal?"

"We're not talking about this." Hux frowned and turned away. "Shall we go?" he asked Poe.

Poe glanced between them. "Yeah, sure."

Kes stepped closer and put his hand on Hux's forearm. "Hey, I-"

Hux bristled and yanked his arm away. "Do not touch me!"

"Dad-" Poe was on the other side of Hux from him.

Kes held up both hands, palm out. "Okay, okay," he said quietly and for a moment all three of them just stood there being upset with one another and themselves, each for different reasons. No one moved – no one wanted to escalate things and at this point, even walking away was an escalation. In a calm, low voice, Kes said, "I was just going to ask if we were okay. I didn't want you leaving on a bad note."

Hux exhaled heavily. "How could it be otherwise? My 'moral framework' that you're inquiring after will not survive your biased scrutiny. Were I to answer your questions, I would expect you to eject me and cause trouble between your son and myself."

Kes studied Hux for a long moment. "You're not giving me enough credit." He looked past him at Poe. "You know what he's done?"

"Yes."

He looked back to Hux, who was looking at him with furrowed brows. "Then I'll rely on his judgment. I'd rather know myself, but he wouldn't have married you if he wasn't certain." He raised his hands again, extending them a few inches forward until Hux looked at them suspiciously. "No touching?"

Hux's nose wrinkled and upper lip twitched. "Not when I'm angry. It is physically jarring for you to lay hands on me."

Kes nodded slowly. "Good point." He pointed one finger, slightly raised, at Hux, "I've seen you do that with Poe, too, now that I think of it. So it's not personal. It's just how you are. No more of that from me, then." He put his hands down.

Hux looked from Kes' hands to his face, studying it to see if this was genuine or some sort of mockery. It looked genuine. He relaxed a little. "You … have not done it very often, though. Am I overreacting?"

Kes shrugged. "Not if it bothers you that much, and you wouldn't be jerking away from him," Kes tilted his head toward Poe, "if it didn't. Are we good now?"

"Yes."

* * *

Poe watched as Hux turned on the speeder and set it for the standard warm-up cycle. He said, "My dad and I have this in common, like you've noticed – once we get curious about something, it doesn't go away. Fifteen years ago was Lothal, right?"

"Yes." Hux handed him his helmet and set his own on the seat.

"How many?"

"Did I kill?" Hux asked. He was searching the controls for something in particular. Poe nodded. Hux took a moment to glance around and be as sure as he could be that they were alone. Then he said, "Two. Where is the activator for the stabilizers?"

"It's right there." Poe pointed. "Why did you kill them?"

"Because I didn't like them. It was senseless murder. Exactly what your father was looking for." He turned on the stabilizers, but nothing happened because stabilizers only assisted while the vehicle was in motion. Hux frowned at the machine and nudged one of the supports with his foot.

"What?" Poe looked baffled.

"There's no moral justification for it, Poe. I killed them for no reason. How do I make this hover?"

"I don't buy it. You said you'd never killed anyone for kicks." Poe pointed under the accelerator. "You want to engage the risers. It's down there."

"I didn't kill them for 'kicks'." Hux flipped the switch Poe had indicated. A moment later, the supports withdrew and the machine settled slightly. But it was levitating. He continued, "I wanted to get off the planet alive. That's all there was to it."

"That's a reason right there. If you did it to survive, then it's not senseless." He moved behind the speeder and braced to push it, watching to see what Hux was doing and work with him.

"I didn't do it to survive, either. I was wrong. It was murder." Hux pulled the speeder aside using one of the holding bars and then steered it as Poe pushed it outside. They maneuvered it so it was pointing the way they wanted to go.

"I know you, Hugs. You're not that kind of person."

"You don't know what I was like then." Hux shut the shed behind them.

"Then tell me." Poe sat sidesaddle on the floating speeder, making it clear they weren't going anywhere until he had an answer. He held Hux's helmet in his lap. His own had been set next to him on the seat. He raised his brows to show he was listening.

Hux sighed. "I made a mistake, Poe. I didn't think we'd be rescued for another five-day rotation. There were variables in play I hadn't accounted for. So I lightened the dead weight by a couple people I didn't like anyway, then we were rescued the very next day."

"Did anyone else notice they'd been murdered?"

"No. The two were already dying of infection. We didn't have any medical equipment with us. They died in the night, suffocated. No one questioned it. They were already ill, but they would have survived until rescue and recovered with treatment. Probably. So it was pointless. I killed them for no reason."

"You had a reason."

"Not a morally defensible reason."

"People make mistakes in combat situations all the time. Sometimes people die because of those mistakes."

"It's one thing to accidentally shoot one of your allies because you weren't minding your blaster. It's another to kill them intentionally because they're blocking your view."

"Did you kill them because you didn't like them and this was your chance to get rid of them, or did you do it to increase everyone's chances of surviving?"

Hux was silent for several seconds. "We were out of food. For a variety of reasons, we refused to split up. We couldn't move so long as some among the wounded wouldn't survive it. And they probably would not have – one that I did not kill didn't even survive transport to the  _Avenger_. I was not in command, but I took matters into my own hands anyway to make us more mobile. I'm sure a few suspected me, but no one said a word."

Poe extended Hux's helmet to him, then began putting his on. "Then you guys were rescued because you were on the move and they found you?"

"No. They found us as we were breaking camp. My actions never contributed to our rescue. Thus, it was wrong." He put on his helmet.

Poe looked at him levelly. "I'm not going to have this argument with you." He scooted back so Hux could slide in front of him and do the driving.

"Fine," Hux said, climbing on.

Poe laughed and shook his head. He wrapped his arms around Hux's midsection, getting a firm grip because their last take-offs with the speeder had been a bit rough.

"What's so funny?"

Poe answered, "This is our form of married bickering? You trying to convince me you've done something evil and me insisting you haven't. It's funny. To me at least."


	16. Glowbugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Evening of day three after the wedding.

Hux had settled with surprising willingness into the space between Poe's legs, leaning back enough to create contact between them as Poe lounged in the wooden recliner. Aside from their time in bed and the time Hux had rested his head on Poe's lap, it was the most casually intimate position Poe had managed yet with his spouse. Maybe it was all the riding on the speeder bike that had loosened him up. But whatever it was, Poe was thrilled about it.

Hux faced away with one hand on Poe's knee. The other held his datapad, although he hadn't turned it on yet. Poe had one hand drifting lazily up and down Hux's side. It was evening on the farm. They were in the small space of the back porch, looking over the yard with the tree arching above it. The branches were full of tiny glowbugs as they zipped erratically through the dusk.

"Why do they glow?" Hux asked. "It seems like an invitation to be eaten by something."

"I think it's how they attract mates." Poe lifted the edge of Hux's shirt and rubbed his skin with an exploring finger. In response, Hux's fingertips pressed in a little on his kneecap. It seemed like encouragement, so Poe slid his hand under the fabric.

Hux inhaled more deeply. "Ah." It was tough to tell if he was responding to Poe's comment or his touch. After a beat, Hux said, "This is romantic, then."

Again, Poe couldn't tell if he was talking about the bugs or the caress. Maybe it was both. Poe answered, "Yes. Does it feel romantic to you?"

"Hm. I like it." He squeezed Poe's knee again. "It's calm. For us, at least. We've already found each other. Probably not so much for the insects." Hux seemed to be watching the ones whirling through the air closest to them, his head moving to track their motions. "They do seem a bit … busy, now that I know what they're doing."

Poe stroked across the small of his back. It was lower on Hux's back than he'd yet allowed Poe to touch without tensing up and leading Poe to move his hands elsewhere. But for now, Hux seemed fine with it. It was another indication Poe filed away that some of Hux's limits were about trust and fear, and not the physical sensation itself. Though he figured there was some of that in there, too. "How do you feel? Here? In general?"

"Safe. Loved. Appreciated. Or at least wanted. Desired. The way you're feeling toward me now."

Poe was glad Hux was facing away, because Poe's eyes fixed on the back of the man's head for a few long seconds after what sounded like a blatant statement of being able to sense Poe's emotions. Poe chewed his lips, then cleared his throat slightly and exhaled. He decided not to address that immediately. "Can you feel the tree?"

"Some. It has a presence. It's not in my mind very often. Not since we told it to stop. It's been surprisingly polite about that, considering it's a plant."

But he wasn't going to simply let it go, either. Carefully, Poe asked, "Can you feel me?"

Hux caressed his knee and looked over his shoulder to regard Poe. "Maybe?" He breathed out and dropped his eyes to Poe's chest. Hux licked his lips slowly, then said, "I think I sense you – your feelings, the edge of an intention sometimes – but I'm not sure if it's you I'm sensing, or if I'm projecting because of your suspicion that we are bondmates."

"I … I never used that term," Poe said in surprise. Hux had apparently jumped quite a bit ahead of what Poe had said, though he was dead accurate in what Poe  _thought_. Unawakened bondmates, at least. Whatever that meant, because Rey's discussion of it had almost exclusively addressed how she'd felt after the awakening, not before or during it, or what had caused it in the first place.

"That was how Ren described his relationship with Rey."

"Oh. Well, that shoots down the five-second-old theory that you were reading my mind."

Hux turned away from him again to watch the glowbugs. "I really can't say – is what I'm feeling real or am I only thinking I'm feeling something? It's not a bad thing I'm feeling, though, so I suppose it doesn't matter too much either way." Hux's hand slid down Poe's shin and back up. Poe snugged his leg tighter against Hux's. Hux continued, "I've never been in love before. Maybe all lovers convince themselves they can feel their partner's love for them. I've been told that often enough. I don't want to be a fool."

"You're not a fool." Poe raised himself and planted a kiss on the middle of Hux's back. Then he leaned back and let his hands trail down either side of his spine. "I've never felt like this with anyone, either. Would you mind if I talked about us with Rey?"

"Yes."

"Um …"

Hux looked over his shoulder. "Is that guilt?"

Poe grinned and chuckled. "That's a good question – am I that bad a liar, or did you sense that?"

"Also a good question. I would think you're that bad a liar. You wouldn't say 'um' like that unless you've already done it. Anything else I feel is indistinct. You spoke with her about us?"

"Just a little."

"When?" Hux faced away again.

"Uh … last time we saw them, when we met them for lunch, day before yesterday. It was while you were talking to Kylo about Order stuff."

"I remember. You drew Rey aside. What did you tell her?"

Poe hesitated. He wanted to try to 'feel' what Hux was thinking, but if he failed, it was useless and if he succeeded, Hux would probably be pissed (and possibly deeply betrayed) to have Poe use the Force on him. Inexpertly. So Poe had no more to go off of than Hux's words and demeanor. He couldn't even see his face right now. "Are you upset?"

"I don't know enough to know if I should be." Hux sounded more amused than arch or angry. "But stalling isn't helping your case any."

"Okay." Poe scratched at his forehead. "I … Okay, just know she didn't do anything. I want you to know that upfront. I asked her about how she sensed if people were Force sensitive. I told her I thought you might be. I didn't know if it was something she could just look across the room at you and tell, or if she had to … be more invasive."

"Ah." That sounded cautious.

Poe grimaced at the tone. "She said it took more than a look and that she wouldn't enter your mind without your permission." Poe held up his hands in surrender even though Hux wasn't looking. "I didn't ask her to do that – to look – and I wouldn't have asked her to do that. All I was asking is if she could do it without, uh …"

Hux looked back again for that. "If she could use the Force on me without me detecting it?"

"That's not- no-" Poe squirmed uneasily. "I don't know how to describe it. I was just asking, you know, if it's like looking over and saying, 'Hey, that person's a Bothan', or if it was more like having her read your mind. If it was something she could do without doing anything to you, then …"

"Then you wanted to know."

Poe shrugged. "Yeah. Is that okay?"

Hux snorted and turned away. "It sounds like it hardly matters what I thought."

"It does. That's why I'm asking. Are … are we okay?" Hux didn't sound upset, but it was tough even for Poe to read him at times.

"Yes." After a moment, he added, "This does not trouble me. Had she done something I sensed, I would have been livid. As it is, I'm pleased she was willing to respect me."

"You're not upset I asked?"

There was a longer pause before Hux said, "No."

"Huh." Poe chewed that over for a moment, then asked, "What's that mean, as far as what I can talk to people about?"

Hux turned in the seat as much as the position allowed and leaned in to put his lips on Poe's cheek. He moved them upward toward his cheekbone, letting them travel over Poe's skin for an inch before sitting up somewhat – not as much as before. He stayed turned so he was mostly facing Poe and leaning toward him. "It means I trust you. And your judgment of who to tell and what to tell them. I take back what I said before about Rey. If she remembers and honors my wishes, then I am fine with you talking to her more about it."

"Mm," he said in response to whatever it was Hux did – a lip caress, maybe. He could so easily remember when Hux studiously kept their faces apart. Poe asked, "Do you want to know what she says, in general, or would you rather not know?" He wrapped his arms around Hux at the waist, making a single flex of his fingers against him.

"I would like to know." Hux relaxed against him the rest of the way.

Poe was so pleased by Hux easing onto him. And also, the ongoing establishment of signals between them. "She said a few other things while you were talking to Kylo." Poe shifted a little, working out how to sit most comfortably like this.

"Such as?" Hux prompted. He raised one arm to loop it over Poe's shoulders. Poe lifted his head so it passed behind his neck. Hux bent it immediately to toy with Poe's curls.

"You are not a man to be underestimated." Poe smirked at him. "She said you were more sensitive than anyone else Kylo had ever tried to read, and, uh, he still doesn't know how you managed to kick both him and Rey out of your head. Did … did you really do that? Both of them, at the same time?"

"Yes." Hux was looking over his head at where his fingers carded through Poe's hair. Poe could feel his fingers moving and flexing so he was doing something with his hand. Examining him, probably. It matched Hux's expression.

"How?"

"I forced them out. That was all." He dropped his arm, settling it around Poe's shoulders. He rested against him, his forehead against the side of Poe's head.

They sat like that quietly for a bit, until Poe said, "When I was in that interrogation chair facing Kylo, I would have given anything to be able to block him out. But the information came out of me no matter what. It was like arm-wrestling with a Wookiee. You just don't win. The musculature is against you."

"I never intentionally rejected Snoke, but I would occasionally stumble into things by reflex. I wouldn't have rejected even Ren – he was the supreme leader at that point and it was my duty to accept whatever he did – but he'd invited Rey into my head without warning. I had no time for his foolishness. We were in the middle of a battle."

Poe chuckled and rubbed Hux's far hip. "So, not only did you kick them out, but you did it while you were stressed out and distracted?" He grinned. "That's impressive."

Hux lifted his head to make a small, self-deprecating shake of it. But instead of putting it back down, he faced Poe and slowly eased in a few more inches. Their faces were very close. Poe's eyes widened and his grin faded to a hopeful upturning of the corners of his mouth. He adjusted his arms to the new position, snugging Hug up against him. "I like this. This is good," he said breathily when Hux seemed to be hesitating.

"Do you?" Hux changed his target, lifting to touch his lips to Poe's temple, then rubbed his nose into the finer hairs next to it.

"Oh, so much," Poe crooned, letting his eyes slide shut. This was as good as any kiss. One of his arms was wrapped around Hux's middle. The other hand settled on his thigh. Hux had a hand on that forearm. His other was around Poe's shoulders. Poe said, "This is so affectionate. I love it. All of this. Everything you're doing."

"Hm." Hux's mouth traveled down in front of Poe's ear to his jaw, crossing over his sideburn and sticking close to his ear to avoid the usual stubble Poe had at the end of the day. Hux had about the same amount after a full cycle of not shaving, but as it was lighter-colored, it was less visible. Poe tilted his head up and to the side, baring his throat to offer up more territory. Hux said, "I thought you liked it a little rougher. But now that you're home, you want it soft like this? That's very interesting."

"Variety is the spice of life. I like 'em both if you're the one doing it." Poe rubbed up and down Hux's thigh, then moved his other hand to the middle of Hux's chest, then back down to his belly. Hux retracted the arm from around Poe's shoulders. He scooted down an inch or two of delicious friction against Poe's crotch, so he could move his lips along Poe's neck. He put his thumb and finger on Poe's chin to steer his head further to the side.

The lip thing was odd, to Poe's experience. He wondered if Hux didn't know how to kiss. But that didn't make any sense, because he did kiss him with a proper smooch at times. Those came mainly on the cheek so far. Poe decided he liked the lip-pressing, though. It was innocent. Gentle. And he assumed it had something to do with Hux feeling of him with the more sensitive parts of his body. It gave Poe an intense thrill to realize Hux wanted to feel of him, to know him, and to enjoy him. It was such a far cry from the clinical, limited way Hux had touched him back on Naboo.

Hux's hot breath against the skin of his neck made gooseflesh prickle Poe's arms. "Oh, I like this a lot," Poe purred with a happy chuckle. He squirmed in the seat, rubbing his trapped erection against Hux's hip. Hux worked his way back up and nosed at his earlobe. Poe was just reaching for his own waistband, intending to further his pleasure, when he felt Hux go still. He didn't think it was because he was reaching for himself. A quick look showed Hux's cold stare directed past his face at the glass of the back door. Poe's eyes followed. Kes had come into the kitchen and was puttering around.

"Damn it," Poe muttered.


	17. Reconditioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kes continues to question Hux's morality, so Hux throws out what he views as the worst thing he's ever done to see how Kes reacts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was too long for one chapter, so I broke it in two. There has been a slight revision on 1/7/19 to bring this chapter in alignment with Star Performer.
> 
> This line: "All told, I have killed about a dozen people with my hands or weapons. I have told Poe the rough details of six of them. The others were political assassinations at the order of my father. As you have observed, I do not have a rat's ass for them."
> 
> Changed to: "All told, I have killed about a dozen people with my hands or weapons – murders, illegal killings. I have told Poe the rough details of six of them. The others were political assassinations at the order of my father. As you have observed, I do not have a rat's ass for them."
> 
> And this line: "I've never killed anyone in war. Not myself. I suppose it is. You don't have to conceal it your whole life."
> 
> Changed to: "I've never killed anyone in war. At least not on the battlefield. I suppose it is. You don't have to conceal it your whole life."

Poe eased back with a slow sigh of frustration. It was possible his father would go away after getting whatever he was after in the kitchen, but not likely. In the meantime, Hux leaned forward slowly and touched the tip of his nose to the corner of Poe's mouth, his lips against the side of Poe's face. It seemed intentional, but his eyes didn't leave Kes and his expression never shifted from that calculating look he used at times.

Poe turned and kissed him on the tip of the nose. That broke the spell. Hux jerked back to give him a surprised, then amused look, warming up and relaxing an instant later. He sat up as Kes came toward the back door. Poe said, "Don't go? Don't get up, I mean. Okay? Stay with me."

Hux paused with his posterior about an inch off the chair, then sank back down. He watched Kes warily.

Kes came out with a drink in hand, some lightly alcoholic, bottled beverage. "Hey. You guys mind if I join you?"

"No," Hux said at the same time Poe opened his mouth, then shut it without saying anything. He would have rather not been cock-blocked by his dad, but the make-out session was interrupted whether Kes took off now or not. Hux's preference was definite and already out there.

Kes saw the motion, though, and looked at Poe. Poe said, "No. It's good."

"Is this appropriate?" Hux asked, waving generally at himself and Poe.

"Uh … sure?" Kes said, taking the other seat. There were only the two.

"Yes, it is," Poe said more definitively. "It is completely normal for spouses to touch, sit together, and show affection."

"Especially newlyweds," Kes said. "I'd kind of expected you guys to be all over each other, regardless of what you said at the wedding."

"We were," Poe said. His skin still felt heated from where Hux had been loving on him.

Kes looked over and Poe shrugged one shoulder. Kes offered again, "I can take off if I'm interrupting."

"No, we're fine," Poe said. Hux looked between the two of them silently, then looked off at the glowbugs. Kes looked out at them as well. Poe kept his hands to himself in case anything more affectionate would make Hux uncomfortable. He absolutely didn't want to run him off.

For a few moments, the three enjoyed the night quietly. Then Hux asked Kes, "Did you ever meet any of Poe's other romantic partners?"

"Not that were introduced that way. You're the first he's claimed. To me, at least."

Poe cleared his throat uneasily. "I don't think my dad really … um, approved of some of what I did."

Kes chuckled. "I just kept telling myself it was your life. I've had to do that a lot in the last few months."

In a quiet voice, Hux said formally, "In case I have not been clear, Mr. Dameron, I thank you for welcoming me into your family as you have. I am very aware of the differences in our pasts that have made this difficult. You have been most gracious."

Kes stared at him for a long beat, then smiled. "You're welcome, 'Mister' Hux. Just call me Kes. You've been a surprise from the beginning, that's for sure." He took a drink. "You're a little formal and weird, but I've gathered that's you trying to be polite." He chuckled. "It kind of achieves the opposite, but I'm learning to take it in the spirit it's intended." Kes continued after a moment, "Got a question: was public affection off-limits in the Order?"

"Yes," Hux answered. "At least anything involved was."

"Which includes sitting together? I noticed you asked if that was okay."

"Yes. This would be … too much in the Order." Hux stroked Poe's knee a few times. Poe wondered how much he should read into that and if it meant it was okay for him to go back to touching Hux.

"Huh," Kes said. "Is it a discipline thing?"

"I suppose. Troopers made up most of the population of the ship. They're desexed as much as possible."

"Desexed? What the hell did you do to them?" Although Kes' words and tone was incredulous, he didn't sound angry. He was half laughing about it.

"We applied hormone regulation. Their goal was to serve, not be distracted by personal interests." Hux sounded irritated. "To which end, open expressions of sexual activity between people of any rank would have been an unwanted distraction and lead to, as you suggested, discipline problems."

"It's funny to get you mad," Kes said.

"I wish you would not."

"Same," Poe said blandly. He shot his father a look. "I really admire Hux's patience with you, Dad."

"Okay, okay," Kes waved off the criticism with his free hand, but he still teased, "Did you intentionally find the prickliest guy in the galaxy to get married to?"

Poe said, "I found the  _best_  guy in the galaxy to get married to." Hux moved his hand slowly on Poe's knee. Poe lifted a hand and asked quietly, "Can I touch your back?"

"Yes," Hux answered in the same tone.

"You have to ask?" Kes asked, amused.

"I love asking," Poe said, letting his fingertips trail down Hux's back. "I ask so I don't mess things up. We're so different." Poe's voice was a little strained for that obvious admission. "But this guy is great about giving me clear directions, good boundaries, and letting me know when he's changed his mind about something." Poe leaned forward, clearly speaking only to Hux, "Ignore him, and let me keep asking. Okay?"

Hux gave his knee a squeeze.

"That works for you, huh?" Kes said dubiously.

Poe looked over at him. "It works so much better than getting someone angry, putting them on the defensive, and thinking it's funny. And yeah, you'd be amazed at how well that works."

"Good point," Kes said with a wry smile. He nodded, licked his lips, and looked away. "Good point."

"Poe is … very good with me. I'm very grateful-"

"Nah, it's alright," Kes interrupted. "I'm an ass. I need to cut it out. You're a good guy. This is a rough transition for all of us. I knew that from the start."

Both Poe and Hux were staring at Kes. Poe said, "Did I just hear you say he's a good guy?"

Kes shrugged uncomfortably. "I can't swear to that, but," he looked at Hux, "you seem fine from what I can tell. The jury's still out on a lot of things, but you're definitely not what I thought you were." He looked back at Poe. "You were right. But before you get a swelled head about that, I want to hear 'I told you so' that this isn't easy for any of us."

Poe grinned. He scratched happily at Hux's back and shifted in his seat. "Fine. You told me so."

Hux asked, "If I may be so bold, what did you think I was?"

Kes shrugged. "An imperialistic blowhard without any center. The sort of guy who'd blow away a whole star system because it was nothing to him. It's not like you've impressed me with your empathy – you haven't – but you cared about that guy you thought Snoke was going to kill. The one you had a soft spot for. I noticed you didn't give a rat's ass about the other guy." He laughed a little. "Were you really killing people at six?"

"No, I was in charge of people who were killing people. I'm not sure why either of you find the age important. It's more difficult to take an adult who's never known true violence and turn them to killing. Teaching an isolated child to do it is easy."

"I think it's the premeditation and inhumanity of the whole thing that gets to me," Kes said dryly. "Did your father know what he was doing?"

"Of course. He'd already … he'd had practice molding people. He went on at length of his various observations along the way. It was the openly acknowledged goal of the process."

"And it worked."

"Yes. Now the galaxy has several million members of the First Order to deprogram. I'm not well-suited to oversee that. I left recommendations. And an offer to consult if they would give me a few weeks following the wedding."

"You realize you need deprogramming?" Kes was giving him a surprised look.

"Yes?"

"Do you think of it that way – deprogramming?"

"No. I think of it as reconditioning to suit a different environment and purpose, and that the reconditioning is being carried out by incompetent, untrained individuals, myself included, so I should expect it to go unevenly at times."

"I'm, uh," Poe said, "incompetent?"

Hux looked back at him. "You're trying to change me. I'm trying to be changed." He leaned in and gave Poe a brief kiss on the lips. "I would be much less patient with our missteps if I thought either of us should know what we're doing." After a beat, he said, "I suppose I should know. And you, also, are having to change."

Poe shook his head. "This is new to both of us."

"When did it start, though?" Kes asked.

"Training? When I was five, planetside. The killing … We didn't actually kill anyone until …" Hux frowned, "it must have been a year later because we were in the Unknown Regions and we'd been there for some months." He shook his head, staring down. "It was on the … I remember the ship."

"Which one?"

"Amnesty doesn't cover this. It wasn't part of my service history, but someone could trace it back if they knew."

Kes sat up and leaned forward, looking at Hux intently. "Do you think I will?"

Hux looked back at him just the same. He seemed to think the question over before he asked in return, "Will you?"

"No," Kes said firmly. "You're my son-in-law. I've been trying all along to support you – both of you – and I am trying to deliver on that."

Hux looked back at Poe, but his gaze didn't linger long enough to indicate he wanted input. He swallowed noisily and said, "The  _Absolution_."

"Thank you," Kes said slowly and distinctly.

Poe could feel Hux's fingers making tiny, fidgeting motions on his knee. Poe put his hand, palm-down, on Hux's back and left it there unmoving until Hux's nerves passed. Hux blurted, "I didn't kill anyone myself until a year later." Hux tipped his head toward Poe. "He knows the details."

"Can you tell me?"

"It was a girl, same age as myself. She was interfering with the mission, which was to remove one of the colonels who was agitating against some interest of my father's. We spaced them both."

"Alive?"

"No, no." Hux shook his head. "They were both dead first."

"Uh-huh."

"Him by blaster. Her by … blunt force trauma to the skull."

"You brained her," Kes said.

Hux nodded. "It was efficient."

"Did you do that sort of thing a lot? Kill people on your father's orders?"

"As a group? Frequently enough. Some of us were caught and executed for it. It's hard to get away with that many murders without suspicion. The rest of us went to Lanson with my father."

Kes was silent.

"All told, I have killed about a dozen people with my hands or weapons – murders, illegal killings. I have told Poe the rough details of six of them. The others were political assassinations at the order of my father. As you have observed, I do not have a rat's ass for them."

"Give," Kes said.

"What?"

"Never mind. Go on."

Hux mulled that over for a moment, then said, "They aren't emotionally meaningful."

"Yeah, I got that," Kes said.

"I have ordered the deaths of twice that many, the last being my father."

"Your father?"

"You wanted me to show you trust," Hux snapped insecurely. "Do you tell me now that it is misplaced?"

Kes shook his head slowly.

Poe stroked his back, trying to sooth him. But Hux glanced back at him and said, "Stop that. Please. It's a distracting irritant."

Poe shifted to simply laying his hand against Hux's back. "Is this okay?"

"Yes." Hux swallowed and breathed out, trying to release some of the tension. "You really have told him little of me," he said to Poe.

"Almost nothing," Kes said. "He'll protect your secrets. So will I. Your father, though? Was that one 'emotionally meaningful'?"

"Yes, but I don't feel guilty for it either!" Hux said, shifting back to angry. "I would have done the galaxy a favor to have taken him out at the beginning."

"You were five," Poe said reasonably.

"I could pull a trigger. It's humiliating that I couldn't bring myself to do that one myself even as an adult, but at least it was done."

"Impersonal, huh?" Kes said.

"Hardly. I stood vigil in the medbay for … a very long time. Until he died. I had to be certain it happened. How many people have you killed?"

"Oh, a lot more than that. I never kept count. I have no idea how I would, anyway. I didn't stick around to ask people if they were going to drag themselves off the battlefield and survive. I've never killed anyone outside of war, though. Is it different?"

"I've never killed anyone  _in_  war. At least not on the battlefield. I suppose it is. You don't have to conceal it your whole life."

Poe said, "That's why you were friends with Tritt and Phasma, and the others. They were people you could talk to." Hux's choice of friends and companions had puzzled Poe for a while. Poe had expected him to be hanging out with other generals and the First Order leadership, but he'd had the impression Hux was quite distant from them, his confidants drawn from a different category and now it made sense what that category was – people who couldn't talk to anyone else about what they'd done.

Hux shrugged like that should have been obvious. "We never talked like this."

Kes said, "It's not something considered 'appropriate' to talk about openly in the Republic, either, no matter how it happened. Here, we cloak it with terms like 'war hero' or 'a soldier doing his duty' or 'protecting people', 'advancing the Republic', and 'doing what had to be done'." Kes sounded a little bitter about it. "Then they wrap it up in a banner of honor and service while they call us veterans and imagine we've all done the stuff they see in holos." He shrugged. "Some of us have. Most didn't. It's not a contest any of us wanted to win."

"No!" Hux said with sudden fervor. "No, it is not." Kes looked at him sharply. Hux went on, "I never had the words to explain it, but that's it. I wanted to win the war, not be a hero! I didn't care what anyone else thought."

"Don't worry – no one's going to think you're a hero after you blew up the Hosnian system," Kes said dryly.

"Of course not. But if the Resistance had just-"

"Hey, hey," Poe cut in. "I'm really enjoying the evening. Please don't pick fights with each other."

Kes and Hux both gave Poe a long look, then looked at one another.

Kes told Hux, "We can talk about this later when he's not around. Because I would love to hear where you were going with that."

"So we can." Hux stroked Poe's leg. "But I would not want to ruin his evening." He looked at Poe and leaned partway to him. "You want me … back?"

Poe realized what Hux was doing – offering to lie back against him, similar to how he had earlier, but facing away. "Oh, yeah. Come here." Hux slouched and scooted down a little to get his head against Poe's shoulder instead of directly in his face. Hux also shot Kes a few obvious looks, but Kes was watching the night now. Poe hugged Hux, smiled, and kissed him on the ear. He whispered to him, "Thank you so much for this. All of this, tonight, has been great."

"You're welcome. It's such a strange thing to have a family – a decent one, that is."

Poe gave him another peck on the ear, then let his head loll back, arms around his lover.


	18. Taste Sensation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The next morning. So four days out from the wedding. It's not like there's a count going on. I just make note to keep myself aware of how much time has or hasn't passed.

 

"What's the washcloth for?" Hux asked as Poe brought it over to where he was sitting on the edge the bed, socks in hand.

Poe waggled his brows. "I want to ask for a favor. This can be a one-time thing. Or a never-time thing, if you don't want. I want this to be low pressure, so I'm not springing this on you while we're involved or something. Because it's not … entirely sexual. But it is, uh, filthy." He held up the washcloth. "By your standards."

Hux's brows pulled together in concern. "Explain?"

Poe took a seat next to him on the bed, canted toward Hux. "I want to put your fingers in my mouth. I want to taste you." He said this in a serious and straightforward tone.

Hux raised his brows incredulously. "Why?"

Poe leaned forward. "Because it's hot. And I'm curious."

"A one-time thing?"

"Yeah. Just once. Or more if you like it, but I know it's not your thing. That's why I'm asking this as a favor."

Hux reached out slowly and took the washcloth from him. "Have you tasted all the people you've been with?"

Poe grinned, his eyes following the cloth as Hux wiped down his hands. "Most of them," he said.

"Do they taste different?"

Poe's eyes lifted to Hux's face, but the optimistic grin stayed in place. "A little."

Hux held the cloth in his left hand and looked at his right. "Should I wash more thoroughly than that?"

"No, that's good. The cloth was for after, not before, but that's fine. I want to taste you, not soap. You understand, right, that I'm going to get saliva on you? And my tongue?"

"Yes. For the sake of your one-time curiosity, I'll deal with it." Hux was silent for a moment, then said, "I'm curious as well. You're not going to bite me, are you?"

Poe's grin broadened. "I wasn't planning on it, but if you're, ah, curious …?"

"I don't know. I've heard it mentioned. It never made any sense to me why that would some kind of sensual delight. The biting – perhaps. But being bitten? It just sounds unpleasant."

"You're not supposed to bite hard. But even saying that, if we're not in the middle of passion, then it's not going to feel like much to you. I'll give you a little nibble, how's that?"

In answer, Hux raised a hand towards Poe's face. When Poe tried to guide it to him, Hux batted him away. "No. Let me. May I touch your lips?"

"Yeah." Poe dropped his hands to his lap.

Hux carefully extended two fingers to his upper lip. Poe let his eyes slide half-shut and his lips part. Hux made a few short strokes to each side, following the line of his mouth, then smoothed across the lower lip. "Are you aroused by this?"

"Uh-huh," Poe said in a husky voice. "Since you started washing your hand. It looked like a 'yes'."

"It was a yes."

Poe put the tip of his tongue between his lips. Hux touched it with his fingertip. His brows drew together. "What do I do? Do I just put my fingers in your mouth?"

Poe leaned back to grin and run the tip of his tongue back and forth along his palate. He could taste something already. "Yeah, that's the idea," he said sweetly. He licked his lips and leaned in again, interested to see Hux lick his lips just the same. Poe looked from Hux's mouth to his eyes a couple times.

Hux stroked his lower lip again, catching it between thumb and forefinger. Poe flicked the tip of that thumb with his tongue, but was disappointed when Hux pulled his hand away. Hux held the wetted end of his thumb close to his own face to examine it, then looked from it to Poe. Poe wasn't sure what expression he was wearing at that point, but it went to startled when Hux deliberately licked his own thumb.

"Oh …" Poe's eyes were wide, his expression eager. He'd been somewhat erect before, but he was straining at his pants in a heartbeat. That had not been what he'd been expecting at all.

Hux reached for Poe's mouth with caution and hesitation. Two fingers were extended. Poe opened his mouth to receive them, feeling them slide over his lower lip and past his teeth until the tips touched his tongue. Poe breathed slowly and shifted his tongue side to side under the contact. He could feel himself salivating, his mouth filling.

Hux said, "I've never touched anyone else's tongue. It's so … strange. And slippery."

"Uh." There wasn't much else he could say and there was no way he was going to back off to speak. Poe sealed his lips down around Hux's fingertips. He sucked gently and swallowed. He tasted him, for real, and for the first time. Maybe the only time. He might never know the flavor of Hux's mouth, but he would at least know his skin. After watching Hux sample him in turn, Poe didn't know what else might be in the cards.

"That feels very lewd," Hux told him. It wasn't a criticism. "I've never felt anything like it."

"Mm." Poe moved forward slowly, sucking Hux's fingers in deeper, to the second knuckle. It was greedy because he'd already had his taste, but he wanted more and Hux – Hux wasn't telling him to stop. Poe sucked lightly and carefully moved his tongue across the pads of the fingers. Bearing down with his lips to hold them in place, he flexed his tongue against and around them, suctioning them.

"Oh," was all Hux said, inhaling sharply. He stared. Then he flexed his fingers a few times, separating them and letting Poe's tongue slip between them. He pressed down a little against the meat of Poe's tongue. His thumb grazed Poe's chin, bracing his hand as he pushed just a little further inside, rubbing against Poe's tongue.

"Mmm." Poe groaned.

Poe let his teeth rest against Hux's digits, then shifted the set of them a few times. Hux pulled his fingers nearly out, past the teeth, and Poe made a small whining noise at the possibility they'd stop doing this. Hux rubbed the underside of Poe's chin reassuringly with his thumb while he paused there. "How far do you want me to go in?" he asked in a soft voice.

"All the way," Poe whispered against Hux's hand. With that, he went to his knees in front of Hux, looking up from his hand to his face. "As far as you're willing."

Hux exhaled a puff of air and brought his hand to Poe's mouth. The two fingers pressed in again, but in slow surges in and back, rather than a steady push. Poe shut his eyes and tilted his head back a little, letting Hux fingerfuck his mouth. He rubbed at the front of his trousers. He was aching and hard. A moment later, Hux's free hand went to the back of Poe's neck, holding him in place.

"Get yourself off," Hux murmured, pausing while Poe hastily released himself. Hux touched the sides of Poe's molars until Poe began to stroke, then he began to pump his fingers into Poe's mouth and across his tongue. As they rode over the back of his tongue, Poe's throat tightened, but he didn't gag. "Careful now," Hux told him.

Poe moaned. His eyes were slits. This was so much more than he'd hoped for. He stood on his knees, tugging at himself as Hux held his head in place so he could work his mouth with his other hand. The fingers filled him enough that he was drooling around them, repeatedly riding up to and away from the edge of gagging. He made helplessly satisfied noises until his breathing became uneven. Hux pulled his fingers back to the front of Poe's mouth. He swallowed roughly and gasped around his orgasm. He bowed his head to rest it against the bicep of the arm holding his head.

Hux removed his fingers entirely and wiped them on the washcloth. Poe rolled his head to the side to stare up at him worshipfully. Hux finished with himself and used the cloth to clean around Poe's mouth and chin. He offered him the cloth, which Poe took, and cleaned himself lower down. Poe stayed leaning against him, relishing the contact and still floored at what he'd been given.

Hux stroked the side of his neck, his cheek, and petted his hair while Poe looked down to take care of himself. He dropped the cloth on the floor and sank to his haunches, letting his head rest on Hux's thigh. He was in no hurry to leave. Hux didn't seem to be either. He kept stroking Poe's hair as Poe wound down.

"That was amazing, Hugs. You know a little more about all of this than I'd thought. Have you been holding out on me?"

"Hm." Hux made a loose fist in his hair and then released it. It was the sort of thing that always had Hux chuffing when Poe did it to him. But done to Poe, he just hugged Hux's calf and let his head loll on Hux's leg. Hux said, "Before I left the Order for married life, I took the opportunity to go through the educational modules on male/male sexuality."

"They had those?"

"Yes." Hux mused. "Basic sexuality and anatomy is covered with younglings. Reproduction and sexual health with … hm, ten years? Something like that. Before most reach puberty. It's part of the general curriculum. Everyone gets it, even stormtroopers and slaves. But actual sexual techniques and relationship advice comes later – as a teenager, but before graduation. It's only given to the officer class and technicians above a certain rank. No one else was allowed to reproduce anyway, so it was irrelevant. I skipped it, previously. Uninterested. And I'd missed the two previous ones."

"Are you interested now?" Poe asked slowly, rolling his eyes up so he wouldn't miss Hux's expression.

"I'm interested in keeping you satisfied and with me. I am also very interested in watching you come. That's fascinating. It's beautiful. I don't think I could be that defenseless and … open, even with you. You look so lost in the sensation. Is that how it feels?"

Poe chuckled, rolling his head to make it easier to look up. "Pretty much. You could try it sometime."

Hux gave a small shake of his head. "I'm not interested in that. But for you – I did not find this nearly as objectionable as I would have thought. Perhaps the washing helped. Would you like me to wear my gloves next time to give you more … bulk? It would taste different, though. Would that matter?"

Poe looked up at him with a growing grin. "Oh, Armitage," he purred. "I feel like the luckiest man in the galaxy right now. What do you have in mind?" Poe was grinning like a Cheshire cat by now. "Because you can't convince me using your gloves was on those educational things. That's something you thought of  _yourself_."

"Well …" Hux's skin pinked. He looked Poe up and down. Poe was still kneeling at his feet, head on his leg, and followed Hux's gaze as well as he could.

"What you have going on," Poe said knowingly, "might not be sexual, but it's definitely going on." He waited to see if Hux would explain himself, but all Hux did was swallow and blush harder. Poe said, "You like this?" He gestured to himself. "The position?"

"I should not."

"I don't like that word when we're together – 'should'." He looked up at Hux and bit his lower lip. "What is it? Is it that this is dark, nasty, naughty, forbidden stuff we're doing here? A little gross even? Disgusting?" Poe's voice was breathy, not contemptuous.

"It's a lot disgusting." But … Hux didn't sound disgusted, either.

"Is it too much?"

Hux shook his head slowly. "Not if I get to see you in front of me like this."

Poe nodded. "Good. 'Cause I really liked that. The whole thing, but especially that you were so onboard with it. That was incredible. I wasn't expecting that at all. In fact, I was trying to specifically set this up so it didn't come off as some underhanded attempt to talk you into something you weren't normally willing to do. But you  _were_."

Hux snorted softly. "You're going to have to work harder than that to get around my desire to please you. I would suggest you not go to the bother." He petted Poe's hair in a faux patronizing manner.

Poe leaned up and pressed his forehead to Hux's. "Then I won't. You are the sweetest, most generous man."

"You give the most unwarranted compliments."

Poe pulled back and tilted his head in disbelief. "Unwarranted? You do all kinds of things for me. You're fantastic."

Hux sighed and smiled wistfully. "You almost make me feel as though I'm a good person."

"You know why that is? It's because you are." Poe rested his hands on Hux's knees.

"I think you're deluded."

"I said you were a good person – not that you were right all the time."

Hux looked to the side with concern. Poe took his left hand. He caressed Hux's wedding band. "I am so sure that you're a good person that I've pledged to spend the rest of my life with you. Think about this, Hugs. You were on your way out the door of the First Order. You had no obligation to anyone there after you resigned. You hate the Force. You could have turned your back on everything and everyone remotely related to it. But instead, you delete information at considerable risk to yourself to protect hundreds of people whom you probably only know in passing, if at all.

"That's not the heroism of charging into battle and killing bad guys. But it's heroic anyway. You know they're going to notice – the High Command, the new government, someone will go looking for that data and it will be gone. Maybe they'll decide to do nothing. But maybe they won't. And you, more than anyone else, knew that risk. You thought it was worth it to add another layer of security to people who fall into the category of 'folks you fear most in the galaxy'. Only a good person does that sort of thing. In secret. With no benefit to yourself."

"I- I don't know what to say."

"Tell me you're not still listening to Snoke telling you you'll never amount to anything, that you're a dangerous fanatic who needs to be controlled and can't be trusted. Because you were the most powerful man in the galaxy. You're not a fanatic. You're very even-handed and moderate. And I trust you more than anyone. You've even won over my dad, Hugs. I wasn't sure that was possible."

Hux breathed out a shaky sigh and kissed Poe on the forehead. "Thank you for the reminder of your constant and abiding faith in me."

"Still think I'm deluded?"

"Perhaps." But he smiled shyly.


	19. What Goes Around Comes Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Kes took off to run errands. Hux and Poe stay home for once. I've been skipping over their mid-day adventures in shopping for real estate, as a Yavin IV version of 'Flip This Ice Cream Shoppe' isn't what I'm writing. Talk about your niche crossover opportunities. The next 8-10 chapters all happen on this same day.

 

Poe took one last look out the back window to make sure Hux was where he'd said he'd be – ensconced under the uneti tree with his datapad and some tea. Why he chose there, when there was a picnic table nearby, a hammock on the other side of the house, or simply inside on the couch or at the breakfast table was a bit of a mystery. Poe made a mental note to ask about it later. But for now, it was convenient for Poe's needs.

He went in the front room and settled himself in front of the communicator. It didn't take long to get everything humming and the desired connections made. A half hour later of bureaucratic run-around, he gave up on the direct method and went for plan B. It took a few more minutes, but his next call was patched through easily enough. He supposed he was lucky she hadn't been asleep.

Eddiva Birnham looked at him out of the screen, but instead of the sleek grey and black background of the First Order, there was a bright yellow and silver of what looked like an office. It wasn't an area Poe was familiar with, so he took a moment to regard it curiously. He took long enough that she asked, "Can he hear me?" with a lilt to her voice.

Poe grinned. She smiled slightly in response. He knew what she was getting at. "How well known am I for prank calling people as a combat technique?"

"Very." She wore a tight smile. "You have inspired many even more amusing variants."

"About Hugs?"

"All of them about him."

Poe laughed, shook his head, and scrubbed at his face. "Man. That guy has the patience of a saint."

"You've never had to work for him. He's not so patient then." She gave him a telling look. "But that's not what you called about."

He shook his head. "Nah. It isn't. I have a … well, I guess it's not quite a favor." Poe took off his wedding band and held it to the video pickup. "Did you get a chance to see the wedding ring Hugs gave me?"

She nodded, studying the thing anyway.

Poe went on, "So. Hugs tells me I, uh, speak as him because of this. Is that true?"

She raised her brows slightly and neither confirmed nor denied. "Where is … Hux?"

Poe leaned forward, putting the ring back on and smiling. He dropped his voice. "This is a secret. And I know you know how to keep secrets." He jerked his head to the side and spoke normally, "He's outside. Everything's fine."

"A secret? Tell me more." She leaned back in her chair.

"So. I have some information I'm trying to get and I know  _you_  can get it, because you got it on  _me_. You pulled all my background and personal files from here on Yavin. They told me a couple days later and that's fine. I don't care if you tell him what I'm doing – just give me a few days first. I want to be the one to break the news."

"And what news would this be?"

"I need to know when Hux's birthday is, so I can put together a birthday party for him." Poe leaned forward closer to the pickup again, whispering now. "And I need to know if his mother is still alive."

Eddiva's eyes slid out of focus for a moment, then she said, "One moment," and turned away. She seemed to be accessing some other screen, judging from her line of sight and what Poe could see of her arms. As he waited, he noticed she had the insignia for a general. Promotions had obviously happened. He supposed it was kind of cool to be patched through to generals on a whim. Despite the events of the previous few years and his own rank, it still felt impressive and strange. She turned back. "That information is not archived here."

Poe's brows drew together. "Yeah, I know. You know that, too. He was born on Arkanis. We both know that. What's the deal?"

"The deal is that I want your request clearly spelled out before I call on other planets to provide me information on the pretense that it's critical to the government. You're asking me to get your spouse's birth records from Arkanis and the status of his biological mother? And make sure he doesn't find out I've done it for at least two days?"

"No." Poe held up his left hand, fingers curled so the ring was facing her. "Armitage Hux is asking you." He waggled his brows.

"You'll have it tonight."


	20. The Boring Adventures of Kes Dameron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Kes is around 60 years old and (from various comic books and Star Wars canon materials) a former member of the Pathfinders, an elite special forces unit on the Rebellion side during the Galactic Civil War. He's a capable guy with a past. As noted last chapter, this one happens four days out from the wedding. This chapter spans morning and early afternoon for Kes.

 

Kes' first stop of the day was the city offices, mostly because he wasn't sure if that was where he needed to be to file his weekly paperwork attesting to Hux's good behavior. It was not the right place. They tried to convince him he needed to go to the capital half the planet away, so his next stop was a legal advisory office which directed him on to a local federal agency office. There, he was able to make his report to a sworn officer of the government.

She looked at her records with furrowed brows. "Armitage Hux is here on Yavin?"

"Yep," Kes said cheerfully.

"What's he doing here?"

"Last I saw, he was doing my dishes." Kes smiled at her. It wasn't strictly true, but close enough. It made for a better story in any case. "He's a useful sort." He remembered when Luke Skywalker would run into this sort of thing as well – people had this image in their heads of him being a legendary, mythical figure who didn't have a regular daily life just like everyone else. But there he was. No one who had known Luke well was surprised when he disappeared from public view altogether and escaped their distorted misperceptions of him.

"Your dishes?" She looked dubious. Kes continued to smile in his most friendly manner. She shrugged and looked back at her screen. "Well, there are only a few questions here. Your name is Kes Dameron?"

"Yep."

"And you are here for your weekly check-in on behalf of the residency petition of Armitage Hux?"

"Yep."

"Are you able to attest to the activities and whereabouts of Mr. Hux for the preceding week?"

"Yep."

"Did Mr. Hux commit any crimes, misdemeanors, or break any ordinances or laws that you are aware of within that time?"

"Nope."

"Has Mr. Hux engaged in any subversive activities or conduct that would undermine the Republic, or encouraged same during the last week?"

"Nope."

She gave him a level look like she didn't believe him, then swallowed, sighed, and read off the next question. "Did Mr. Hux attempt to or succeed in leaving Yavin IV during that time?"

"Nope."

"Do you continue to support and advocate for Mr. Hux's residency petition?"

"Yes."

"So noted," she said sourly, signing off on the form.

"Do you know when they'll rule on that petition?"

She shook her head. "They're gearing up for new elections for the galactic Senate. They won't rule on this before then." She gestured at the screen. "It wouldn't look good on anyone's record. But I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be granted, either."

"I had to ask." Kes leaned forward on the counter. "You know," he said seriously, "when I was your age, it would have been an imperial officer on the other side of this desk. And he would have been asking me exactly the same questions, in pretty much the same tone." His brows furrowed. "Do you ever think about that?"

She gave him a strange look. "The Empire's been gone for thirty years."

Kes chewed his lower lip. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

"What are you trying to say?"

Kes nodded slowly. "I think we all need to do our part to see to it that the Empire, and that way of life, doesn't come back."

"You're harboring the Starkiller," she pointed out.

"And he does my dishes."

She seemed to think about that, then she smiled at the incongruency of the mental image. "Alright. Have a good day, Mr. Dameron."

"You, too, Ma'am."

* * *

He grabbed a tamale from a street vendor, then picked up chicken feed and a soil supplement for the koyo grove. He stopped by Braxen's to check out a speeder the man had for sale. It was one of the newer models with a weather deflector. Braxen wanted a lot for it, the price wasn't bad for what you were getting. After deciding it would work, Kes talked with Braxen for a good hour about life in general, softening him up for the inevitable price negotiations. He didn't bring up money at this point, though. He'd need to make sure it worked for Hux and fit his budget before they got down to brass tacks.

From there, it was back in town for what Kes expected to be the least pleasant part of his day.

He found Palo in the park where she'd said she'd be, sitting on a bench in front of a fountain. The water sprayed out from a central orb. It was supposed to be an artistic representation of the explosion of the Death Star, which had been destroyed in orbit more than thirty years prior. The Empire's defeat in that battle had mobilized a planet which was already sympathetic to the Rebellion into full-scale resistance. Having ended up on the winning side, they'd happily maintained that position ever since.

Palo was a tall, ruggedly-built half Zeltron, half human woman who had served with Kes in the Pathfinders. She offered him some roasted prozi rings when he sat next to her.

"Thanks." Kes took a handful.

"So this is what it's come to," Palo said, "meeting in a neutral location like a pair of enemies."

"I'm a little concerned you're going to shoot my son-in-law. I think that's an understandable concern, given that you said you'd happily put down any of those First Order bastards you came across." He munched on one of the rings. "I would have thought you'd appreciate me taking you at your word." He smiled at her.

"You're still defending him?"

"Ay-yup."

She sighed. "What's he like?"

"I'm glad you asked. He's surprisingly decent." She gave him a dubious look. Kes went on, "He's what he advertised himself to me to be – dutiful, serious-minded, dry, dry sense of humor, practical." He ate another ring while Palo frowned at him, but listened. "I didn't expect him to be as quiet as he is, or as withdrawn. He's hard to read, hard to get to know, and he doesn't trust easy. But he has no plans of galactic domination or doing much of anything to anyone."

"What  _is_  he doing?"

"Having a quiet, low-key honeymoon. Learning how to be a civilian. He and Poe have been looking at places to start a little business. They don't want to make trouble for anyone."

Palo snorted. "Fine time to do  _that_. Of course that's what he'd want  _now_. All you have to do is testify against him at that residency hearing. They'll kick him out and we'll take care of the rest."

"Not doing. He's family now." He crunched on another prozi ring. "Also, too late. Try again next week."

"I don't know if you understand what's going on," Palo told him.

"I'd wager I understand better than you do."

Palo shook her head. "I can't see how you do. By harboring this guy – he's practically a fugitive, he's on house arrest – you're supporting the very thing we both fought against. He needs to be in prison. Or worse."

"I'm not going to listen to that kind of talk."

Palo shook her head again. "Do you not see? Do you really not see? The chain is not broken, Kes. One link after another leads right here to him and he's the one who just put a collar on the galaxy. Who do you think is holding the leash, huh? This new government is going to be corrupt as the Empire ever was."

Kes snorted and made a dismissive gesture. "They haven't even elected anyone yet, Palo! Come on. It's been, what, a month? Maybe other systems have appointed people, but Yavin is still in that interim stage and will be for months to come. Along with a lot of other places."

Palo gestured at the fountain, as though the Death Star and Hux fell into the same category. "They let him go."

"You can't have it both ways!" Kes threw up his hands and leaned back on the bench. "He's either on house arrest or he's free. And I can tell you, he's on house arrest. He does not go  _anywhere_  without me or Poe with him. Not even jogging."

"He's  _going_  to be free because the officials he's corrupted and the people like  _you_  who have been lied to are going to let him go. This is our chance to do something about it! This is where you can take a stand!"

"I am taking a stand, Palo. I am protecting my family. And you better keep that in mind if this is the way you think about things now. Him never going anywhere alone has more than one use, you know."

"Kes, your son is not in his right mind." She dipped her head and spoke conspiratorially. "Ben Solo used the Force on him to control his mind in front of everyone at those Naboo negotiations. You can check it! It's in the reports the Naboo government filed. That's where it started. Poe had to go off in private with Hux right then! Then the moment Ben left the Order, he stepped directly onto your son's ship and spent the next nine months grooming Poe for whatever this role is they want him for. He's been conditioned, Kes. The First Order is expert at it – Hux in particular! You remember the Liberation Day attacks on Chandrila? That was without even using the Force!"

"Hux probably wasn't even born when Chandrila happened. If he was, he was a kid." Kes shook his head. "Poe is entirely in his right mind. And even if he isn't, I've seen Armitage plenty. And I've barely seen Ben Solo. I certainly haven't been mind controlled by him! Hux is not up to anything. The only thing he seems to be 'up' to is trying to figure out how to live out the rest of his life quietly where he's not being bothered by people like you."

Palo made an aggressive gesture, thumping her chest with the knuckles of both hands and then throwing her forearms wide in a sharp motion. "Yeah? I'll bet. He wants the same freedom he's denied to everyone else. He doesn't deserve it, Kes! Even if that was all he was doing! He doesn't deserve it! He deserves to rot! The Empire lives, Kes! That's what this is about! It's all turning back into the Empire – one government over everyone, same stormtroopers everywhere, same military, same star destroyers except even bigger this time."

She continued, "They don't need slaves from the Outer Rim anymore because  _we_  are the slaves. Our children!" Palo waved expansively at Yavin IV. "And these monsters, the one at your house in particular are bringing it back. Do you know they're already recruiting on some planets? Huh? To serve in this new military. Apparently they're understaffed already. How the hell does that happen?"

"Palo, would you like to come meet this guy?"

She stopped her rant and stared at him.

"No weapons. Just talk to him. I understand what you're complaining about. I saw it just this morning at one of the federal offices and let me tell you, I'm not happy about it. Armitage Hux doesn't have anything to do with it, though. Not right now. But he might have some thoughts on it. If you're this fired up that you'd fly all the way to Yavin IV thinking you could convince me to let you put a plasma bolt through my own son-in-law, then that's really saying something. It's important to you. Is it important enough to do some hard work, or do you just want to shoot somebody and walk away?"

"I came here to do something about this," she growled. "I never thought you'd turn. I always thought you'd be able to see through the lies of the dark side. Of all people, Kes …"

Kes got to his feet, both angry and disgusted that she was lowering herself to those kinds of insults. "Call me when you have something to say that's worth hearing. I know you're a good person, but you've let all this hate eat you up."

"You've been living out there in the middle of nowhere for too long. You've lost touch!"

"I've been minding my own business, but you're the one making  _this_  my business." Kes shook his head and put one hand on the back of the bench. He leaned toward her. "I told you on the call yesterday. I have not seen a twitch from him to indicate you're right. None of you. You need to rethink your approach before you do something that gets somebody killed. No one wants that. This is getting really serious."

Palo glared at him angrily for a long moment. Kes straightened and walked away. He still had groceries to get before heading home, which was good. He wanted to be calm and have this behind him by the time he was there.


	21. Growing Pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Mid-morning.

 

Hux settled himself under the uneti tree, his back to the smooth bark of the thing. He leaned back against it with a slow exhale. He could feel it tickling around the edges of his mind, heightening his awareness. It was checking, perhaps. He set his tea down next to him, moving it a bit to find a level spot. His datapad was set on his thighs. He tilted his head back and looked up into the greenery.

This thing represented one of many shocks and setbacks he was experiencing in trying to craft a new life with Poe Dameron. While he didn't  _have_  to deal with it, he was going to, one way or another. He was determined about that. Hux had never been less than determined about anything he really wanted in his life, and Poe? Poe was something he wanted.

An image slowly formed at the edge of his mind of leaves with sunlight on them. There was a warm, glowing, growing impression – a happy satiety of receiving what was needed from the sky above. Hux considered that, then tried to project the thoughts,  _Do you understand Basic? If so, can you show me an image of a lizard?_  He waited. The leaves in the mental image he'd been given moved slightly in the breeze. They were happy leaves, as far as he could tell.  _Grow_ , was the impression he had of them, as if that was some kind of answer to his thoughts.

He pulled a face and tried something else. He projected a word in Snoke's language that Hux had taken to mean 'mental communion'. There was no response to that, either, or at least no change in the tree's projection back to him. Not that he had seriously expected a sessile creature such as itself to be multilingual. It didn't even seem to have language at all, which wasn't unknown among sentient beings, but it was definitely inconvenient.

He sighed and took a sip of his tea. He'd softened the taurine with cream and a bit of that nut honey Kes had suggested for caf. It still had a bite, but it tasted better-rounded to his palate. He set the cup aside and turned on his datapad.  _Can you make me feel safe again?_  He missed the sensation since they'd convinced the plant to cut it out the day before.

There was no answer to that either. He pulled up his memory of the feeling, of putting his hand on the trunk the first day he'd come here, of the mental projection the tree had sent him when he'd been struggling with his memory of the first interview with Snoke. He'd been hidden from the harsh sun under its branches, the light stabbing down. That's what he wanted again – protection, dimness, shelter.

He wanted to hide in the dark, in the bowels of the ship where his father wouldn't find him and the other dangerous children of his squad wouldn't look. He wanted the illusion of safety that came with the dying of Starkiller's stellar body, knowing the weapon was fully charged and poised to lash out at his enemies. He wanted the security that came from being unseen in the shadows, a knife in his hand and four older children around him, ready to strike at their target at his command. A blaster at his hip, his knife up his sleeve, and his rank on his uniform.

He felt the soothing sensation creep in around the edges of his consciousness with a mixture of other impressions. The shade seemed to intensify. The mental image of the leaves faded, to be replaced by one of roots slowly spreading through the dark soil. There was as much biomass underground as there was above for the tree. But while it might reproduce by seeds from the portions above, the roots were more enduring. Whether burned by Poe's pod-racer engines or slashed by Hux's knife, the roots would sprout new life and the tree, or a descendent of it, would be reborn in the sun.  _Grow_. From darkness came light, stars formed from the densest of dust clouds.

"That's a very complicated thought," Hux said quietly. The tree did not elaborate, but at least he felt safe again. He sighed and decided that was good enough. Hux opened the first of several waiting communications on his datapad. He'd progressed through a handful of them when he heard the back door of the house slide open. Poe emerged and sauntered over to him.

"How's it going?" Poe asked

"Well enough."

"Mm." Poe laid out on the ground with his head on Hux's thigh just above his knee. He wormed a hand under Hux's calf and squeezed lightly. "I tried to call Rey. No answer. Did she say she was going to Naboo first, or that other place?"

"The other place, I think. Dagobah, was it?" Hux smiled indulgently at him, touched by how freely Poe offered affection and how comfortable he (Hux) had come to be in accepting it. It was new enough for him to notice, yet familiar enough not to be alarming.

"Maybe. I know they mentioned Dagobah." Poe sighed and kneaded his calf. Hux set aside his datapad and reached down to touch Poe's curly, dark hair. He liked touching him. He didn't just suspect it was addictive – by now he was sure of it. Poe continued, "I wasn't paying that much attention. Isn't Dagobah where those knights went?"

"Yes." He decided Poe's hair was black. Under certain lighting, it looked dark brown, but … Hux wanted it to be black. So he was going to call it black. He supposed he could think of it however he wished.

"Tritt ever do anything about them?"

"Not that I know of." He rested his hand on his hip and admired Poe's profile. He was a good-looking man. Other people certainly seemed to think so. Hux knew himself to be too biased to judge. But what he did know was that the more he looked at him, the more he liked looking at him. It was weird. He felt funny inside in a way that made him want to smile like a simpleton. He considered the pros and cons of allowing that expression.

"Mm," Poe said again, staring up. He turned his face to the side, pressing his cheek to Hux's knee. "I love you."

Hux could feel it, too. Or at least he thought he could – a warm, lifting feeling and a knot in his throat. He felt flushed. Was that limerence coming from him or Poe? "I love you, too."  _My love. My dearest love._

Poe smiled softly, then his brows furrowed. He turned his head to look back at Hux, who was picking up his tea and hoping it would help him get past this choked sensation. "What did you just say … exactly?"

Hux finished the one swallow left to his drink. "I said, exactly, 'I love you, too'." He studied Poe, who made one nod and looked up again with a deep sigh. Hux wondered about that. His speech had been clear. Why would Poe be uncertain as to his words? He'd thought more and even knew that he'd thought that  _at_  Poe, but had he received it? He hadn't intended it to be received. He'd just … thought it. He looked over at his datapad, thinking about picking it back up. Perhaps it would be safer for both of them if he were to distract himself.

"Do you mind if I meditate?" Poe asked.

"Do you mean, try to get in contact with the Force?" He thought he kept the irritation from his voice.

"No. I mean just … try to let go. It's very peaceful here. Especially with you. Just the two of us, not having to go anywhere. Dad gone for the day." He swiveled his head to look at Hux again. "I had this thought that maybe instead of trying to empty my mind and listen, that I ought to think about how I feel when I'm flying. There's this sensation of being … like, hyperaware of everything all around me, like I'm … floating? But in the middle of it all. I know everything that's about to happen, where everyone is. I was thinking that if I can't turn off my thoughts, then maybe I should just think about that. I like thinking of that. Whether it works or not."

Hux raised his brows slightly. It sounded exactly like Poe was trying to get in contact with the Force. But telling him no seemed petty and paranoid. It was like telling him not to think happy thoughts. This whole thing was obviously painfully important to Poe. Poe had been and was being generous to a fault in looking away from what was apparently a core part of his identity. Not only was Hux asking him not to develop personal power, but he was telling him not to explore his own religious beliefs. To not  _grow_. Just because Hux found it unpleasant. It would be small of him to tell him no. So Hux gave an uncaring shrug despite feeling anything but uncaring about it.

Hux asked, "You're going to do this here, on the ground, with your head on my leg?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"I just imagined people who meditate as sitting upright with their hands on their knees."

"I tried that. Didn't feel right."

"How often do you meditate?"

"Uh, never. That I know of. I've tried." Poe looked at him. "How do you know if you've done it?"

"I have no idea. Meditation isn't something I've ever looked into. I know how to study. And think about things. I know memorization drills. And how to free associate."

"Yeah," Poe said. "That sounds about my speed – the free association. I'll just lay here and daydream. Go ahead and do your work. This is the best place in the galaxy for me to be right now."

Hux smiled gently. He was overthinking things, as usual.  _I do love you._ Poe glanced up at him, sighed contentedly, and shut his eyes. Hux didn't pick up his datapad, though. He just sat there watching his husband. Poe's breathing deepened. His face relaxed. He put his hands to his sides and loosened his fingers. At first unconsciously, and then knowingly after he noticed, Hux followed along – breathing deeper, relaxing, listening to the distant crow of chickens and the nearer chirping of insects. At the top of the tree, a breeze moved the branches and gave a low background sound. It was easy to let go. Harmless.

Hux thought back to what Poe had said the day before about the Force being necessary for life, or for a life that Poe thought was worthwhile. As though a life without the Force was … wrong. Meaningless. Like there was no value in any of the non-Force-enabled things Hux had done in his life. How much of his meaning to Poe was based on Poe's theory about Hux being Force-sensitive? It was worrying.

He didn't feel Force-sensitive. He was unaware of any greater mystery to the world than what his senses and science told him. The only reason he was even certain of the Force's existence was through reliably repeated observations of it. Not just on his own part, but by many observers. It was evidence-based. Snoke was not some lone charlatan, as Hux's research into the Tarkin Initiative had shown. Project Harvester had identified and eliminated an entire generation of possible Force-users. Order 66 had addressed the adults. No one would have bothered searching out and killing them if there wasn't real power there.

It was mean to discourage Poe from developing whatever potential he had. He was a good man. If this meant they went different ways, then so be it. He would not keep Poe in a cage on this matter anymore than he would on sexuality. He wanted Poe fulfilled. Happy. Satisfied. Hux swallowed and blinked, looking away. Maybe … maybe Poe just wasn't meant to be with someone like him.

Poe had said the dark side's power came from pain and suffering. Hux had had plenty of that and indeed, his centering exercises weren't all that different from meditation, now that he thought of it. There were similar components – breathing, relaxing, letting go of external stimuli, focusing on himself. But he didn't think of floating or flying like Poe had said. Hux's place was in the darkness, in a passive acceptance that things would be done to him, letting go of every part of himself except for his identity. It was the only way to survive.

He wondered what it was like to embrace one's insignificance as a leaf on the wind, dancing in the sunlight, soaring through the tempest. He could sense it, feel it, imagining it vividly: there would be ships or asteroids all around and he might know, somehow, inside, exactly what his place was. It was not to skulk in the dark, but to be up high. In the clouds. In the nebulae. Whether the engine was roaring behind him or they floated in the bliss of zero-gravity, it was where he belonged.

'They'. Him and BB-8.

Hux blinked. And then again, rapidly, in confusion. Those were definitely not his thoughts. Those were not his engines, not his zero-g, not his droid, not … the rest? Was it Poe in his head? The tree? Both now?

He panicked.


	22. Everything Goes To Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Mid-morning.

 

Poe's eyes jerked open as Hux's fists curled tightly. How much had he lost? What had he disclosed? What had Poe done to him? How much of this was a plot (the pass at him? The dating? The marriage? Bringing him here where he was under house arrest by the government and supervision by a former special forces member whose specialty was dealing with Force-sensitives? Putting him at the mercy of this enormous Force being plant? Invading his mind now?)? Every bit of it had been Poe's idea. Had any of it ever been sincere or had Hux merely wanted it to be?

Hux thought,  _Get out! Get out! Get out!_  And tried to eject the foreign presence as violently as he had Ren and Rey. He imagined kicking someone on the ground, hoping they would get the message and scramble away. If they didn't, he'd kick their ribs in and stomp on anything he could get to. Every bit of the tree's presence in his mind vanished. But not Dameron's.

Poe gasped, making a choking sound, and did close to what Hux wanted – he got away from him several feet and collapsed to the ground as though everything Hux had visualized had happened to him physically.  _No, no, Hugs! I didn't-!_

But the voice was in his head. Poe wasn't speaking. He wasn't withdrawing, either – not from his mind and not picking himself up and getting the hell away from him like Hux wanted him to. Hux leaped to his feet.  _Stop this! Stop it! Don't touch me! Get out!_  He waved his arms in anger and then concentrated his fury into a sort of mental lash in Poe's direction, turning his own knowledge of pain and his present fear into a weapon. Snoke had bludgeoned him often enough that he knew exactly how to do it.

Poe cringed away. "Guh!"  _Ah!_  It hit home. Poe was instantly pale, nauseated by what was literally the worst thing he'd ever felt, like what he imagined it felt like to be eviscerated. He was shaking.

They were both shaking. It flashed through Hux's mind that he had a knife and could end this. On the heels of that was the stupidity of the first thought, however reflexive it might be. He might as well cut his own throat. That would end it just the same and a lot more honorably.

 _Please don't, Baby_ , Poe thought, trying to recover himself. He was panicking inside and Hux could sense it – Poe's emotions were sickeningly guilty and coiling inside of Hux's brain, freezing him in place. Poe's mental voice was quiet, like he was trying to project as little as possible. Then,  _Kriff. He hates that word. I'm sorry? I'm so sorry …_

Hux was silent and still, fists clenched. He was standing tall and furious. Poe cowered on all fours. The reversal ran through his mind – this was the position that he'd had to use in front of Snoke for the worst of his mental probes. But this was Poe. He loved him – dark hair and gentle touch and so happy to see him. Poe loved him back – Hux was sometimes baffled as to why, but clearly the idiot did. Why were they doing this? Was there … any possible way to come back from a breach of trust like this? On either side?

 _Yes_ , Poe thought to him emphatically.

_You're still in my head. I wasn't even projecting that._

_I don't know how to get out. Please. Please trust me, Hugs. If there was ever a time for me to beg you, this is it. Please. Don't let this be the end._

Hux trembled. He felt laid bare and yet there was nothing to be done about it. He couldn't shut Poe out. He'd tried, but it was like trying to throw away his own hand. It wasn't like when he'd thrown out Ren and Rey, or even Snoke, whom he'd never tried to oust but felt as a foreign presence anyway. Poe was not foreign.

He could feel Poe, under his skin, inside of him, where he couldn't get rid of him. Hux resisted the childish impulse to frisk his arms and try to shove away the presence. It was all inside his head, anyway. Poe was looking up at him with a sober, pale face, barely breathing. Hux could feel Poe was waiting for Hux to come to a decision.

 _The decision. Fear or duty_ , Hux assumed, ignoring the question of trust.  _Not much of a decision._  Or at least, not a difficult one now that he framed it in those familiar terms. He couldn't do anything about trust, anyway. It was shattered at the moment – razor-sharp shards that sliced at him every time he tried to consider it. But duty he knew – he'd made promises and taken vows. He took a slow step forward and went to both knees before Poe, clasping his own hands together in his lap. He stilled his mind and waited, watching the bit of grass between them and trying not to think of all the other times he'd bowed before other masters.

"No! No!" Anger surged through Poe, mostly at himself rather than Hux but it was there either way. Poe picked himself up and tried to embrace Hux. A hundred times of being steered or cuffed or hit or shoved ran through Hux's mind. He didn't know how much Poe saw or felt, but Poe jerked his hands away a second after contact. Poe's anguish fluttered through Hux's mind. He felt guilty about causing that in Poe. Wasn't sure what to do about it. Everything seemed to be shutting down. Too much pressure. He just wanted to curl up and die, or kneel here and let whatever needed to happen, happen. His eyes were burning.

_I am not. I should not be. I was an accident._

Poe pulled away to mimic Hux's pose. He put his hands on his own knees. "Hugs? This is bad. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do."

He could not. It was hard enough to keep breathing. It seemed difficult, which made little sense – it was an autonomic process, the logical part of his brain wanted to argue. Lots of things didn't make sense. His heart was pounding. His skin was clammy. His fingers were twitching. He didn't want to worry about it, so he just stopped thinking altogether.

Hux stared at the blurred grass as a new mental image intruded into his otherwise blank mind. Leaves and roots. The leaves were happy in the sunlight and they grew. The roots spread through the soil and were content. They were both part of the same being. Hux saw that now, but was too disconnected to make use of it. Still, it was something occupying his thoughts. It slowly elbowed out the despair that had swallowed him. He fixed his attention on the image and thought about how nice it would be no more than a growing thing, simple and pure, released from trying to make sense of other beings. Just existing.

"I'm going to touch you anyway." Poe gave up on waiting for an answer (for which Hux was grateful – he couldn't think to save his life, in a literal sense) and moved next to him, facing him. He touched Hux carefully. There were still all those layers of insensitive or even hostile contact to dig through, but then as Poe didn't pull away, other memories surfaced. They were not traumatic, but still powerful. Poe hugging him in that shuttle on Naboo. Poe holding him at the wedding. Poe holding him close the night before, sitting on the back porch.

Hux slumped into the embrace Poe offered. Tears fell, although he couldn't have said what he was crying for. He carefully lifted his hands and cupped Poe's sides with them.  _I want to love you. I want to love._ He shook and felt his mind start to work again, although the first thing it centered on was his own unacceptable behavior.  _I hurt you, as I shouldn't have. Intentionally. Just what your father was concerned about. You cannot trust me. This is over. (Should be? Is it?)_

"No. No," Poe said softly, holding him. He rocked him slightly. His voice was fast and higher-pitched than usual. There was so much fear in Poe's mind. He was normally a fearless person. Now he was struggling to hold it together. "We're okay. We're okay. It's okay."

"I hurt you," he mumbled into Poe's shoulder, because spoken words seemed to be Poe's preference. It helped pull his attention from the constant presence of Poe's mind or aura or whatever overlapping with his own. Poe's concern about having betrayed him was overpowering.

"Yeah," Poe agreed easily enough. "That really … really hurt." Poe could still feel it – a stinging, phantom pain that had thankfully faded from excruciating to only painful. "I'm fine though. You said you weren't fragile – well, neither am I. It's okay. It doesn't matter."

"But … I …" Hux shook his head, ignoring that Poe truthfully didn't seem to care. "I cannot."  _I can't be with you if I will treat you that way. Snoke, my father, even Ren … but not me._ He started to pull away.

 _Please don't. Please don't,_  Poe thought, refusing to let him go. His fingers curled into Hux's shirt.  _No. Stay here. Quit being kriffing gallant. If you leave now, this is all my fault._

Hux hesitated.

Poe racked his brain for how to fix this. It was like staring out the viewport on that transport and watching the other ships get blown up all around them. He had this terrifying feeling there was nothing he could say to make things better, but words were all he had.

"Hugs, remember what you told my dad? You didn't do anything wrong and I forgive you. I mentally attacked you by surprise." Poe faked a hollow, bitter laugh. "I get it. I have just had a front row seat to how much that fucked you up. Please let me fix this somehow. Please let me make it up to you. Please." Poe's voice shook at the end of it. His arms tightened further.  _Don't go_.

_You're making a lot of use of that word, 'Please'._

_I will do and say whatever I have to. On my knees. I don't care. I love you._

Hux drew a deep, shaky breath and considered his options. He could demand to be let go and he was fairly sure if he were insistent, it would be done. But he didn't want to go. He wanted to live in the illusion that someone cared for him, regardless of why. As long as he wasn't disrespected as his father had treated him. As long as he had a use and a value – a reason to be kept alive and be an asset. To someone. He pressed the side of his face against Poe's head and shut his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Poe wanting him along with the physical sensation. He breathed deeper. Poe wanted him. Someone wanted him. Everything else was too confusing.

Poe nodded. "Yeah, buddy, I want you so bad. Let's calm down. Both of us. Okay? Everything's okay. Take stock. We're fine." Poe swallowed anxiously. _I am terrified. Uh, don't listen to what I'm thinking, okay?_

Hux let himself wind down, sinking into Poe's arms exactly the amount Poe was comfortable holding and no more. He could sense how much that was. It was convenient. Interesting. Maybe there was a use to a bond like this. The tears stopped flowing. "I love you."

"I love you, too."  _My love. My dearest love. You called me that._  Poe smiled cautiously, pulling back to look at him. "Yeah, I heard you earlier. Clear as could be. That's really sweet. You think of me like that?"  _'The galaxy is a fundamentally good place' – my mother always said that. 'Have faith.' We can do this. 'Hope is like the sun.'_

"Not often. I- just today." Hux wiped at his face slowly, trying to scrub off the dampness. There was a patch of moisture on Poe's shoulder. He tried to work out how to withdraw himself from the mob of hopeful platitudes Poe was reassuring himself with. It was like trying not to listen to someone speaking right next to him.

Poe said, "You love me. I love you. We're alright. Just a little hiccup."

Hux looked at him, both sad and wary. "Little? You're a fool, Dameron." There was no anger behind it – just an exasperated affection. The tense set of Poe's shoulders eased slightly, but he was still hanging onto Hux's clothing, uncomfortable with the idea of releasing him. Hux noticed, Poe noticed that he noticed, and Hux left it alone because he didn't mind. If it helped Poe cope, then he was fine with it. Poe did not let go.

Hux turned his thoughts, instead, to how to fix a breach like this. His role models were poor. Brendol had generally been happy and upbeat after beating him. It was satisfying to his father. The good mood was a reliable enough perk that Hux had learned to look forward to it as he endured whatever was necessary. That didn't help, though. Neither he nor Poe seemed happy about this.

Snoke wasn't much better. His emotions were more muted than Brendol's (although that only served to make Hux hyperaware in monitoring them), but he didn't express much pleasure from harming others or failing to live up to their expectations. At best (worst?), Snoke was glad that a problem was taken care of or maybe amused that someone had dared defy him. But there was nothing there for Hux to pattern their current dilemma from.

Ren was the best candidate. When he and Hux had come to loggerheads, Ren had backed off, let Hux pull himself together, and then re-approached with lower intensity and a focus on the objective rather than on policing Hux's reactions. Hux supposed that was useful. The goal was … their marriage? Or was it this Force thing? They probably needed to work that out first.

 _The marriage,_  Poe thought, having obviously been following along.

Hux pursed his lips and curled his hands into fists a couple times.  _You're still in my head._

"Yeah. I don't know how to not be." Poe stared down at the grass.  _I suppose make-up sex is out of the question. Kriff, don't listen to what I think. Ninety percent of it is stupid stuff._

Hux stared. His paradigm shifted.  _You are not Ren. Or Snoke or Brendol._  Solutions that related to them would not work here. Poe was still clinging to him. None of them had ever cared, or clung. What Poe wanted of him had always been obvious. It was easy to provide. There was nothing wrong with it. Hux tilted his head and leaned in as Poe blinked at him in surprise. He kissed him, mouth open, lips working against Poe's.


	23. Make-Up Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Mid-morning.

 

_Make-up sex? Fuck me!_

The degree of shock in Poe's mind was almost enough to make Hux stop to laugh. He certainly felt bad about disappointing Poe by thinking,  _I don't know. Let go of my clothes and touch my hair and we'll see._

Poe did, instantly. The grip he'd been hanging onto for dear life was immediately given up so he could put both hands into Hux's hair and clench them into fists as he kissed him harder.

 _No tongue,_  Hux thought.

 _Right, right._  Poe was panting, hard in his pants already.

Hux pushed him over onto his back, riding him down so he was lying next to him, and letting one hand fall to Poe's crotch. Hux broke the kiss to glance around, double-checking for witnesses or complications to this flagrancy. But they seemed alone aside from a band of chickens foraging a few hundred feet away and of course, the tree itself. Hux didn't think a plant would have much of an opinion on a couple mammals carrying on under it. Even if it did, it had already witnessed them do as much in their bedroom. He doubted the physical proximity made a difference.

Poe flexed his fingers in his hair, scratching his scalp and causing Hux to drop his head forward. Poe didn't think there was anything to worry about, but he didn't mind Hux taking the moment to make sure. Hux rubbed firmly up and down the outline of his shaft.  _No, not Ren or Snoke or Brendol. You're mine._

He could feel Poe's complete acquiescence to the possessiveness. He wanted it, perfectly happy with being owned. He was desperate for someone to accept him and everything he'd done, all the things he'd failed at to be forgotten or deemed unimportant to loving him. Poe wanted a fresh start, because he didn't know how to recover from what he'd done at Crait. It was something he had to live with, like a weight across his shoulders, a depressing qualifier for his every interaction with the Resistance – but not when he was with Hux. With Hux, none of that mattered. Poe was, however, a little concerned that their enthusiastic kissing was getting their lips wet and Hux might not like that.

 _Don't worry about it,_  Hux thought. For one thing, he was drooling about as much as Poe. There was nothing he could do to stop that as long as he was getting his head passionately mauled by both hands. He'd never had Poe do this so thoroughly while trying to kiss him. He was on top at least, which let him entertain the illusion that the only moisture he was dealing with on his mouth was his own. Poe was wise enough not to contradict him.

Hux unfastened Poe's pants and hesitated at putting his hand directly on the man's penis. Testicles? Sure. Penis (and not through clothing, in the bath, or the shower)? Er … Poe disengaged one hand from his hair to reach down and do it himself. That decided Hux.  _No!_  He batted Poe's hand away.  _Go back to doing what you were doing. I like that_. He squirmed his hand into Poe's underwear and seized what needed to be seized.

Poe's mouth contorted into a grin and a mostly quiet laugh chuffed out between them.  _You're squeamish about a hand job? I never realized. How is that possible if you have your own dick? Oh wow, that's weird._  But it was weird in a good way. Poe's returning hand rubbed Hux's shoulder, then neck, before diving back into his hair and scalp. At least Poe had the sense not to tell him he didn't have to.

_I'll wear my gloves next time._

_That will be so sexy._  Poe returned to kissing him.  _And there will be a next time?_

 _Of course._  Though honestly, he hadn't been so certain of it either until this moment. Poe was adorable, cooperative, and easy to please. It was times like this when Hux was certain he was safe and there was no manipulative scheming going on. The man wanted to fuck him, love him, and be loved by him. It really was that simple. Hux stroked his cock, taking cues and suggestions from Poe's thoughts and perceptions, trying to avoid running down through Poe's nervous system like he had a pretty good idea that he could do. It wouldn't be that different from causing pain. But he would experiment later, when he wasn't stroking Poe off.

Poe noted that and made no mental comment about it.  _I love your hair. It's so golden. You're so sweet. I love you. You're … fuck._  For a moment, there was nothing in Poe's head but the sensation of Hux's hand riding up and down his shaft.  _Fuck. You love me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!_  Beyond that, his thoughts went non-verbal, though Hux could still perceive them just as clearly.

Hux took over the commentary.  _I do love you. I love everything you are. Even this. I love the feeling of you trembling under me. I love the way you're gasping. I love how obscene you are, how base and crude as you lust for me._  Poe whimpered. His fists balled in Hux's hair, pulling it painfully but Hux had no complaint.  _Come for me. Come for both of us._  He could feel the orgasm surge through Poe's awareness – sensation, light, heat, and release – followed by a haze of gratification and languor.

 _It's on my hand,_  Hux couldn't help but thinking. He looked down Poe's body to see that despite his attempt at being careful, he had a smear of ejaculate on himself.

 _Should I care?_  Poe thought lazily. He would have been more worried if he hadn't had direct awareness of Hux's thoughts. Hux was revolted, yes, but it wasn't anything he was blaming Poe for or was angry about.  _Wipe it on me._

_What?_

_I'm serious. Wipe it on my underwear._

With wrinkled nose, Hux fussily wiped his hand off. The underwear was absorbent at least.  _There. It's your problem now._

_Like I care._

_I know. That's what I don't like about this. We both know. We know too much._ Hux collapsed to his side, his head on Poe's shoulder _. How do we stop this?_

 _Uh …_  Poe's mind struggled in the post-orgasmic fuzz.  _Right now I just want to go to sleep. Like I said, don't listen to my thoughts. They're stupid._ He tried to wake himself up.  _You're panicking and I should … help?_

_No. I'm not panicking anymore. I've changed my mind. Go to sleep._

_What?_ That, more than anything else, perked Poe up.

Hux leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  _Lie back down. Go to sleep. Let your mind relax. Free associate, like before. You won't be reading my mind when you're unconscious. Go ahead._

Poe blinked up at the tree branches and thought that over. Then he sighed, stretched, refastened his pants, and shut his eyes. It didn't take long.


	24. Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Noonish.

 

Poe woke up feeling refreshed and happy, blinking up at the tree branches in mild surprise that he'd fallen asleep outside. Then he remembered why. He tensed and turned his head. Hux was right next to him, lying on the ground, curled on his side with his forehead barely touching Poe's shoulder. His eyes were open. "Hugs! You're still here!"

Despite the pose, it seemed Hux had not been asleep. Which, well, made sense to Poe. He had just mashed most of Hux's panic buttons – to the point the guy had contemplated both murder and suicide. That he might be too upset to rest? It was a humbling testament to Hux's patience with him that no more had happened than had. Poe assumed he was back to square one or even in the penalty box – trust gone, only a shred above enemies. It had been so bad Poe wasn't even feeling that sorry for himself at the moment. He was just grateful Hux was still willing to be in his presence.

Hux sat up and snorted softly. "You thought I might abandon you while you rested? Why fall asleep at all then?"

"Uh … I wasn't really thinking clearly." He sat up as well, running a hand through his hair to dislodge anything that might have gotten tangled in it from lying on the ground. He looked around. Everything seemed fine. Peaceful. The band of chickens was closer. The rooster crowed. Poe looked back at Hux, who was looking at him intently. "Um … if you're thinking something at me, I'm getting absolutely nothing. Total mental silence."

"Good. I was." Hux put his hand on top of Poe's. Poe started to turn his over to hold it, but Hux shook his head and pressed it to the ground. He looked at Poe intently again.

"You're irritated," Poe blurted. He looked down at their hands, realizing, also, that Hux hadn't let him initiate touch. He spooled back his expectations just a little further. "I have no idea how I know that. I don't feel it, exactly. I just know it somehow. You don't look irritated."

"Anything else?"

Poe looked from where Hux was still pressing his hand to the ground, then to Hux's face, and back again. He shook his head.

"Good," Hux said.

"Did you do something? While I was asleep?"

"No," Hux answered. He withdrew his hand and glanced over at his datapad as though done. "You fell asleep. The mental contact ended. When you woke up, it did not resume. That's what I know. Unless you're lying, which I don't believe, or unless I'm misperceiving, which seems unlikely. What I do think is that we should not meditate together. Or possibly even alone. Physical contact seems to make something of a difference as well. It's just … things to keep in mind for right now."

"Right." Poe did not miss how stiff and impersonal Hux was being. Distant, with short, choppy sentences. Also, there was no 'later' or 'after we talk about it' being mentioned, although Hux had at least phrased it as what he thought should happen. Poe took it as a firm boundary, full stop for now, and made not the least peep of argument.

"I am not suggesting," Hux said slowly, "that we change anything about physical contact. Or sleeping together."

That was less distant in delivery, but still cautious. It almost came out as a question. Poe gave him a pained smile. "Okay. That's … better than I expected. Are we … How are we?"

"We're fine. It was a mistake." Hux exhaled carefully. "There was no … malice on … either of our parts. I would like to say bygones are bygones, if you're willing to."

"Yes. Yes." Poe nodded, keeping his rueful laugh entirely internal at how Hux was trying to brush this off as insignificant. "I'm very willing to do that. That's … that was … I mean, that's very kind of you."

"Don't apologize," Hux said in a low tone. There was a warning there.

Poe didn't think an apology would be accepted, should he offer one explicitly. Poe nodded again. "But … this  _is_  how we're apologizing. Right?"

Hux sighed and looked down. He shut his eyes and nodded. He looked over at his datapad again. "I would like to work on my … work."

Which was pretty much a confirmation of what Poe feared. "Do you want me to leave?"

It was a simple question, but it hung heavy in the air between them as Hux thought it over. Finally, he said quietly, "No. I would like you to stay with me. If you wish to." He didn't look at Poe as he said it.

"I do. I do very much," Poe said gratefully. "Would you like me to get you more tea?" He gestured to Hux's cup near the tree, which had tipped over at some point. He didn't know if it had been empty when that happened or if it had spilled. "Or anything else? I'm sure there's some liquor in there somewhere."

"No. I'm fine." Hux scooted over to where he'd been sitting originally with his back against the tree.

After a moment, Poe followed him, leaning back against it beside him, keeping half an arm's length apart so they wouldn't touch accidentally. He glanced at the datapad – some text communication. He didn't read it enough to see who it was from or what it concerned. Hux didn't make any attempt to tilt the screen away, nor did he shoot Poe any sort of look, but Poe averted his eyes anyway to be polite. The rooster crowed again, so he watched the chickens. He didn't know what else to do.


	25. Kes Finds Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Afternoon. Kes is back.

 

"Did you two have a fight?"

Poe shot Hux a look, trying to gage how Hux wanted to play this. Of course Kes had noticed there was a problem almost right away. They hadn't even finished unloading the feed sacks before his eyes had been darting back and forth between them. He'd at least waited until the grain was securely stowed in the shed before asking. Kes had been otherwise uncharacteristically quiet, having unloaded the groceries on his own and leaving the two of them undisturbed until he pulled around back to drop off the feed. They'd walked over and volunteered to help, but there was a literal distance between the two of them.

Hux was hard to read, as usual. "We had a disagreement."

"Over what?"

Now Hux looked at Poe as though it was his turn. So Poe said, "We had an argument."

"Yeah, I gathered that, smart ass. Over what?"

"I fucked up," Poe said.

"I'm your father. I've known you for a long time. You're going to have to be way more specific than that."

Hux rolled his eyes, but didn't so much as smile at the joke. "This entire subject has been too long in secret. Tell him whatever you wish. I can't bring myself to speak of it. I'll be at the house."

They both watched him go. When Hux was far enough away not to hear them easily, Kes turned to Poe. "What happened?"

Poe scrubbed his face with one hand. He shook his head and looked away, trying to figure out where to start. "Okay, this is … Yeah, this is …" He sighed. He couldn't just launch straight into the events of today, because he'd left his father out of the loop on so much else.

"Out with it." Kes leaned against the side of the parked aircar.

Poe was standing in the entrance of the shed where they'd put the feed. "A couple months ago, Rey told me I was Force sensitive. I-"

"What?"

"I am Force sensitive, Dad," Poe enunciated clearly. Kes blinked at him. Poe knew how much this had to rattle Kes. It was telling him his son had been directly touched by the divine. "So's Hux." Kes started to say something, raised a finger, then put it down and shut his mouth. Then he raised his hand to cover his mouth to stop himself from saying anything at all.

Poe continued. "But Hux is terrified of the Force. From the first time I met him on Naboo, he told me he couldn't stand it. He had bruises from being thrown into things with it. Kylo Ren was reading his mind without his consent. Snoke had done worse for six years on an almost daily basis. He  _hates_  the Force. So when I found out I had a completely latent ability, dormant, doesn't work, and honestly from the Force users I've seen, sometimes seems like it's more trouble than it's worth? I didn't do anything about it. I didn't say anything about it.

"I tried to do a few things out of curiosity. Nothing worked. I had a whole lot of other things I needed to do and I knew Hux would leave me if he knew." Kes started to interrupt again, and once again successfully quelled himself. He made a 'go on' gesture to Poe.

"I kept it a secret. Day of the wedding, you were talking about the tree and I don't know why, but it hadn't occurred to me until then that Hux might need to know about it. At that point, I just thought it was a scion of a tree that had been at a Jedi temple. That was it. Big deal."

"It's more?" Kes looked absolutely riveted by this story.

"Yes, Dad. It has the Force, too."

"Do I? Does that come up in this story somewhere?" He was half-grinning now.

"I have no idea. But no, not that I know of. Except the same level that everyone has."

"Everyone except you. And Hux. And the tree in my own backyard, that's what you're saying?" Kes looked torn between incredulous and amazed.

"Let me tell this story."

Kes chortled. "Sure. Go. This is a fantastic story, even if it turns out you're putting me on. I want to hear it!"

Poe sighed. "I brought him back here and explained about Luke giving us the tree and stuff, which he knew anyway because of your story. He walked up to it, touched it, and told me it was alive in the Force. He could feel it. And I … all of a sudden, everything clicked and I told him he had to be a Force sensitive just like I was. So then … he, uh …"

Kes sobered up. "Wait, you thought he'd leave you for that and you told him the day you …" Kes gave him a disappointed, disbelieving look. "Poe. You don't do that to people. You did that to him?"

Poe made a helpless gesture. "I thought he was okay with it. Then he didn't sleep much that night and he had a nightmare and he wasn't eating. I started freaking out. But a day or two later, you know, yesterday, he seemed okay. He was starting to open up and relax. I thought maybe it was just too much change too fast or whatever. We started noticing we could feel each other's emotions. Maybe a few thoughts. He seemed okay with that. He seemed fine."

Kes shook his head and gave Poe a toothy grin. "You were wrong. You were so wrong."

Poe sighed again. "Yeah. So today after you left, I tried to call Rey and ask her about the Force stuff – he was fine with me calling her, he knew – but I couldn't raise her. I came back out. He was sitting under the tree doing text communiques or something. I laid down next to him and told him I was just going to daydream and meditate. I did.

"Somehow I tapped into the Force and our minds got joined. I could read his thoughts. He was getting mine. It didn't hurt, but he … he lost it. Angry, scared, crying. He had a complete shutdown anxiety attack. And I," he decided to skip the sex part just like he'd skipped the violence, "finally managed to break the connection. He, um, he's still pretty upset."

"Well, that's the first time in a long while that 'I fucked up' happened to be an accurate summary. Wow, okay. This and the conspiracy theories." He shook his head.

"Which conspiracy theories?" Poe knew there were plenty of them going around, but since they were always bunk, he ignored them.

"I'll tell you later," Kes said. "What's he going to do now?"

Poe shook his head. "I have no idea. He keeps … 'I'm fine'-ing me. And 'We're fine.' I don't believe it."

Kes nodded. "Married life, Poe. That's how it works. You're learning." He looked off at the house with a speculative look on his face. "Kriff, Poe."

"I did the worst thing I could possibly do to him and now … he's cold. He's so cold. I can feel it coming off of him. I don't know what to do." His voice was strained.

Kes turned back to him. "You know that speeder I took a look at today, the one Braxen had for sale?"

"I … could really not care less about the speeder, Dad. I'm more concerned about  _this_."

"I want you to go look at it. Tell Armitage where you're going. Leave the house. Get the wind in your hair. Give it a good test drive. I'm going to spend some time with him and see where he's at. I need to do that without you around, waiting in the wings and him tense about it. Got it?"

"Oh. Okay. Yeah, I can do that."


	26. Fishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Afternoon.

 

"And that one over there," Kes announced as he and Hux trekked through the field under the late afternoon sun, "is called kettle-stem. In the fall, they send up a central shoot and if you get it young, you can eat it but a lot of people can't tolerate the flavor. It's, uh, pungent and a little gummy. If it matures, then it gets woody and resinous. Makes a great fire-starter once the seed-head sets and it dries."

"Fascinating," Hux said in a tone dry enough that it, too, would make a good fire-starter. He barely looked at the velvety-leafed plant.

Kes glanced back at him with a huge grin. "I heard that."

Hux looked at him for a moment, not sure what the older man meant, then realized how he'd spoken. He sighed. Both of these Damerons were too perceptive for their own good. Or maybe just too irrepressible to disengage when he was obviously disinterested. Both of them liked people, for all Kes had moved out away from most of them. Hux patiently told him, "It is important that I know the names of native plants and animals so I can understand what you and Poe are trying to relate to me. I will pay closer attention. Please continue."

"Your thoughts are somewhere else, huh? Well, we're almost there." Kes pointed ahead at the valley. Dark water was surrounded by trees and prominent stones. Kes led the way to it. "Further south … well, really all around us, Yavin IV has jungles. Anywhere those massassi trees grow, it's a different biome. They come with woolamanders and stintarils and a person really needs to keep an eye out for them and other things that live in the swamps. They're dangerous. But these highlands don't agree with the massassi very much – not enough water, too many rocks – so it's generally safe to walk around out here."

"You still had me bring my blaster. And you brought yours."

"Intelligent life is far more dangerous out here than any woolamander. Did you know the Ewoks were cannibals?" Kes stopped in the shade cast by a handful of tall, straight conifers. A scattering of rocks, just the right size to use as seats, were near the water's edge. They looked intentionally placed.

"No." Hux sighed, not wanting to get into it again about eating people. "I hardly know anything about them, aside from them being primitive upstarts who were instrumental in the ground combat at Endor. But I am familiar with imperial values. Cannibalism is not among them. Does Yavin IV feature some similar pestilence? I don't remember seeing such in my overview."

"No Ewoks," Kes said. He patted his blaster. "Just the regulars." He took a seat on one of the rocks.

Hux looked around, but they seemed alone. "Is this your land?"

"No. It's Dedra's, but she knows we're out here. Or at least, I have permission to fish here whenever I want. 'We', I suppose. She was at the wedding, so she'll recognize you. I used to come out here with Poe when he was a kid." Kes gestured to a large, flat stone the size of a small shuttle that protruded into the water on the right-hand shore. "He was never much for fishing, though. He'd lay out on that rock and stare up at the clouds. He only ever wanted to come out when there were clouds to look at." Kes shrugged. "I didn't mind if he fished or not. I just liked spending time with him."

In the ensuing silence, Hux took a seat on another stone. The temperature was nice – a little warm, but in the shade and with a breeze off the water, it was pleasant. He thought about how Poe's meditation had featured flying. Always looking to the stars, even as a child. He looked at the rock Poe had favored, then at the landscape in general. In the distance, he could see the top of some stone pyramid that peaked above the horizon. Out of the corner of his eye, Hux could see that Kes was watching him. 'Spending time with him', perhaps, because he wasn't doing anything else at the moment.

Kes finally said, "Sometimes when I was upset at Shara, I'd come out here and pretend to fish."

"Pretend?"

He shrugged again. "I'd sit here and listen to everything. Eventually I'd be able to hear myself."

"I am not upset at Poe."

Kes opened the tackle box he'd brought with him and started sorting through it. "Uh-huh." He sounded unconvinced.

"He told you what happened?"

"You told him he could. So he did. Hand me the poles."

Hux offered the fishing poles he'd been instructed to carry out. Kes set about rigging them. Hux assumed he should learn something about the process, but he remained as distracted now as he had been about the plant life earlier. He looked at the water instead. "I am upset at … how things have come to pass. How little control I have over things out here. Or since I left the Order. Detained at the space port. Myself at the wedding. These endless disclosures Poe makes about how the Force will be in my life no matter what I want. Even if we left, it would follow us. Even if  _I_  left, myself alone, it would be with me."

"Is that why you're staying? Because there's no point in leaving?" Kes offered back one of the poles, the one he'd finished with. His voice was nonjudgmental.

Hux took it and examined the lure attached. It looked like an insect with wings splayed. He took his time in responding. "I am staying because I love Poe. He loves me. And none of these issues have been … premeditated. At least not in a way I would fault him for."

Kes nodded, arranging his own pole to his liking. "Yeah, he doesn't always plan ahead real well. Takes after me in that respect. Shara was brilliant. Always a few steps ahead, considering the implications." He stared off at the water for a long moment, remembering her. He snapped out of it eventually. "Poe's really scared about you."

"He's frightened of me?" Hux said with the beginning of alarm.

"No, no. He thinks he's hurt you and you're never going to get over it no matter what you say."

"I have not been so damaged by my past that I have no future. It is just … difficult right now." Hux breathed out heavily. "How do we fish? I didn't come out here to pretend."

Kes set to showing him how. Three surprisingly slimy fish later (really, Hux wasn't sure he'd be able to eat fish again now that he knew what they were like on the outside), Kes said, "Did you know I served with Luke Skywalker?"

"I've read your service file. His name was mentioned in it."

Kes nodded as he made a small adjustment to his lure. "I heard him talking once about trying to train Leia, his sister." Hux nodded. His eyes were on the indicator float of his line, but he was listening attentively. "He said that Master Yoda had said he'd been too old to train when he was … I don't know, just a young man. And that he was having a lot of trouble with Leia. He knew she had the Force, but she couldn't seem to tap into it. She couldn't let go of her preconceptions. He thought that was why the Jedi started with kids, the younger the better."

Hux glanced over at Kes, wondering what Kes knew of his own past with the training programs of the First Order, and what he thought about it, given his disapproval of Brendol grooming his son to be an assassin.

Kes asked, "Do you know how the Jedi went about training, back when the Republic was around?"

"I have some familiarity with it. Why?"

"I was just thinking that some of your problems with this Force thing might be due to your age. And Poe's, of course. You're adults."

Hux always wanted to fight people for telling him he was deficient – that he had problems or issues or was anything less than the exemplary officer he'd always striven to be. He gave Kes a baleful glare. "I have no more of a 'problem' with the Force than anyone else would! If you want someone to take a beating without flinching, then get a droid!" His voice echoed across the water.

Kes looked at him levelly, but whatever he thought, he kept to himself. He cast out his line. "Yeah, maybe that, too."

Hux fidgeted. He knew he'd responded inappropriately in both in tone and content. He tried changing the stupid subject off the supernatural and onto something more tangible. "You, and Poe as well, are over-focusing on the Force. It is not necessarily the core of my issues right now. Your suggestion of a schedule was well-made and has been very helpful. When we get back, I'll go for my run. After that, clean-up and dinner. Then bed. Tomorrow, breakfast, chores, and Poe and I will go in to look at those other three properties. We should be ready to discuss our options at that point – whether to continue looking or move on one of the places we've found. Then home, run, dinner, bed."

Kes nodded slowly. "That's your plan, huh? I thought you didn't come out here to pretend." Hux looked at him sharply. Kes said, "Like … today didn't happen?"

Hux sighed and looked away.

Kes said, "What happens next is up to you."


	27. Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Late afternoon.

 

"How was the fishing?" Poe asked as Kes preceded Hux into the house.

Kes held up a stringer of dark grey, eel-like fish from the bucket he was carrying them in. "It was good! He caught most of these guys." Kes went past him to put the fish in the sink.

"He could catch any guy he wanted," Poe said in a weaker voice than he usually used. He turned to Hux, glanced at him, then down and stepped out of the way. It was this sort of thing that had caught Kes' attention when he'd returned from town earlier. Checking on the speeder had not helped. Poe felt even more at fault now that he'd had some time alone to think everything over. Everything he was putting Hux through was all such a depressing series of his mistakes. He stared at the floor and didn't know what to do with himself.

Hux didn't walk by him, though. He raised his arms and put them around Poe's shoulders, drawing him close. He tucked his head against Poe's and breathed him in. "I already have the one I want," he whispered.

The warmth of Hux's emotions flooded through him. "Oh!" Poe didn't so much as hug him back, at first, as run his hands up and down Hux's sides with sudden, hopeful energy that needed a more active outlet. Poe looked past Hux's shoulder at his father, who was smiling to himself as he prepped for dealing with the fish. Poe gave him an intensely grateful look before wrapping his arms around his husband and squeezing. He shut his eyes and held Hux tight.

After a while, Kes said, "How about you fellows head out on your run? There's only room at the sink for one person to clean these fish anyway. It'll be getting dark soon."

The two broke apart to look over at Kes with his obvious lie. Poe said, "Sure. We'll do that." They filed off to the bedroom to change, but Poe no more than had his shirt off than Hux was hugging him again, just as firmly. Head sideways on Hux's shoulder, Poe murmured to him, "You have got to tell me what my dad said that has you doing this, so I can repeat it every day to you."

"Hmm. Nothing much. He simply reminded me that I was in control of my responses to events. Then he left me alone to think it over without any distractions – no datapad, no work, no you, no cooking or cleaning or getting ready to go somewhere. Just the occasional fish. We didn't talk much and that's what I needed."

Hux nuzzled the side of Poe's head. Poe felt boneless in relief at the return of open affection and genuine warmth. "They are so slimy!" Hux said, complaining between touching nose tip and lips to Poe's temple and forehead. "I don't know if I'll be able to eat them if they feel like that." Hux shook with quiet laughter. "I shouldn't complain about saliva or anything else from you again. It can't be as disgusting as that. They're cold, too!"

Poe stepped back to see him and grinned. "Had you never even handled a fish?"

Hux shrugged helplessly. "I've butchered torfas and nerfs and gunzels. Tremor oxen, too. But they're all warm-blooded!"

"What's a gunzel?"

"It's a …" Hux looked off to the side, "it's like a rabbit."

Poe made a bread-loaf-sized motion with his hands. "This big? Rodent? Runs around on the ground?"

"That's a rabbit, yes, but a gunzel is bigger. This big." He made his own sizing gesture to indicate something three or four times larger. "It's about half the size of a velderat."

"Okay." Poe reached and stroked Hux's upper arm. "You're feeling better though, right?"

"Yes. I- I want to set aside some time tomorrow morning, every morning for a while, to talk about this thing with the Force. Ignoring it won't make it go away. Even if we just sit and stare at one another. The words will come eventually."

Poe cut in. "I can just not do it, you know. It'll be okay. I shouldn't have-"

"No." Hux shook his head. "We should talk about it. Tomorrow. Even before anything happened earlier today, I was already thinking of telling you to go forward with whatever explorations of the Force you were interested in. And you should know … you need to know, that what happened today wasn't just you. I … I did it as well. I meditated  _with_  you – breathing, relaxing, free associating. Because I wanted to. I didn't expect it to mean anything. It was just an exercise. Then I realized it was more and I overreacted. It wasn't just you, Poe. Or your fault. I was a participant. You didn't  _do_  anything to me."

"Oh." Poe was surprised. He blinked, took a steadying breath, and licked his lips. He nodded. "Thank you. You're right – I needed to hear that. Hugs, all I thought would happen was that I'd just lie there. I'd done it before and nothing happened. Lots of people meditate without using the Force." He laughed a little at how obvious that was. "I figured it was just … kind of like practice for whatever Rey might suggest once we got a hold of her. I would have never done that if I'd thought something would happen."

"I know. I saw that in your mind. Once I calmed down." He hesitated for a moment, then added, "Your mind was not a bad place to be." He drew away to finish getting dressed.

"I think that's a hell of a compliment coming from you," Poe said.

When they were ready and about to head out, Kes called to them from the kitchen. "Hey, you two."

"Yeah?" Poe said.

"Take your blasters with you."

Poe's brows furrowed. He walked down the hall to the entry of the kitchen, Hux behind him with a similarly puzzled expression. "What? Why?"

"It's getting dark."

"That's not the reason. You guys came back from fishing wearing blasters. I saw that." He just hadn't gotten around to asking about it yet.

Kes frowned at them. "You two have been dealing with a lot today. I didn't want to pile on more bad news, but there are some … previous associates of mine in the area who aren't fond of your husband. I think it's a lot of hot air, but don't take the chance. Take your blasters. Get your run in. I'll explain everything over dinner."

Poe turned to Hux. "Do you want to cancel the run?"

"No. I have a schedule to keep. The second-most important achievement of my career was getting Starkiller Base completed on time. I won't be put off by vague threats."

"What was the most important?" Kes asked over his shoulder as he went back to the business of gutting fish.

"The surrender of the Republic."

"Yavin never surrendered."

"That's an irrelevant technicality. Yavin agreed to a cease fire. Many systems couldn't surrender, since their authorized representatives died on Hosnian Prime and something as major as planet-wide capitulation can't be legally handled by proxies."

"It's not irrelevant around here. The No-surs are a powerful force. That's what we'll talk about when you get back."

Hux rolled his eyes and grumbled something about, "Of all the planets-" as he went to the bedroom to arm himself again.

"Great," Poe said sourly. "Politics. By the way, I don't even own a blaster."

From the bedroom, Hux said, "I have extras."

He grimaced at his father and walked back to the bedroom door. "How many do you have?"

"Four." Hux handed one to him, with holster and belt. "You'll have to let out the belt a few notches." He strapped his own on. "I haven't run with gear since I was a teenager."

Poe strapped on the one he'd been given. "I left everything like this with the Resistance. Didn't think I'd need it here."

Hux gave him a peck on the cheek and favored him with a smug smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Poe groused good-naturedly, knowing what the smugness was about. "Never go anywhere unarmed. I got it." He called out to his dad as they were about to leave, "Hey, Dad, I'm expecting a call later. Tell her I'll call back tomorrow or something. It's not urgent."

"Got it."

"Is that from Rey?" Hux asked as they headed to the door.

"No. Someone else."


	28. Eddiva Calls, Kes Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from the wedding. Evening.

Kes washed his hands from breading fish nuggets and headed in to the front room. The transmission center continued to chime with an incoming call. He slid back the panel, flipped a switch, and said, "Dameron here."

A professional, imperially-accented voice answered, "Hold for connection." No 'please', 'will you', or any other pleasantry that was common in the local vernacular. Kes sighed. In the few seconds he was holding, it occurred to him he should have clarified he was Kes, because this was probably the call Poe had mentioned. He looked at the transmission code. It was from somewhere off-planet, one of the core worlds if his memory served him right. Interesting that the communications officer had been a live being and not a droid. This was someone higher-up.

He was picking at a bit of breading under a fingernail when the screen lit up. It was a woman. Human. About a decade or so younger than himself. Dressed in one of the upper-ranked First Order uniforms, because with the transfer of power barely a month old, they hadn't settled on a new design yet. He wasn't up to speed on how the Order's rank designations differed from the Empire, but she had a bunch of stripes.

A slow smile creased his face as he studied her. She studied him right back. He saw she was in an office somewhere, but mostly he had eyes for her. He sank down in the chair, feeling a sudden appreciation for what Poe saw in these guys. "Hi there," he said in a deep, friendly voice. "How are you doing this evening?"

She smiled and actually blushed, because his eye contact and expression could only be read one way. "I was calling for Poe Dameron. Is he there?"

"I'm Kes, his father." He kept looking at her. She was no physical beauty, but that wasn't what he was looking at anyway. He was watching her reactions and how tickled she was by the attention. It was like a fun version of Hux's prickliness and Kes found it just as irresistible. "He said you were going to call."

She hesitated. "I have the information he asked for. If you can let him know that, he can call me back later."

"Sure. I'd love to have your name. So I can tell him who called."

She smiled at him, because they both knew Poe knew who she was. "General Birnham."

"A general? Color me impressed. Where are you calling from?" He grinned as he appended, "So I can tell him where to call."

"I've seen this before from your son." She looked amused at his act.

Kes shrugged. "He learned from the best."

She laughed at his confidence. Then she answered him. "Coruscant. He knows how to get in touch with me."

"Coruscant, huh? How do you like it there?" She was obviously angling to end the call. He had no intention of doing so.

"Ah …" She seemed torn about answering.

"It's a new posting for you, right?"

"Yes … yes, it is." He could see her shoulders relax slightly as she decided to go ahead and talk with him.

He nodded to reinforce that decision. "How is it, to be planetside now? Is it much of an adjustment from where you were?"

"It's interesting," she said carefully. Her eyes narrowed a little at him in suspicion or curiosity. "It's very cosmopolitan – a much more diverse mix of species than I've dealt with in decades."

"Yeah, I'll bet. Coruscant is a busy place. Decades, huh? You must be talking about before the First Order. Where were you then?"

"The Empire."

"The Empire's so big." Kes raised his brows and tilted his head forward in question.

She responded to the prompt by elaborating, "I grew up on Lothal and went through the academy there. I left about the time of the Siege. Many imperials did. It was … no longer a welcoming place. My ship was incorporated into the First Order."

"Lothal? They had a lot of trouble there, but I've heard it's calmed down. Do you ever think about going back?"

"No. There's nothing there for me. My family were farmers. They were lost in the destruction of Tarkintown at the hands of Vader."

"Vader? Wow, that's terrible. Him personally?"

"I don't know. But they didn't make it."

"I'm very sorry to hear that. There's a pretty big Rebel faction there anyway. They're probably as much against the Order as they were the Empire."

She smiled thinly. "True. I don't think the Rebels understand how determinedly anti-imperial the First Order was. They were fooled by appearances. Many are."

"You know, that's just fascinating to me," Kes said. He leaned forward to rest his chin on his hand. "The sides have really flipped. I'm seeing some very strange things going on here on Yavin. People don't know what to make of the new government and it's almost like, in reaction, they're shifting towards being more conservative. What do you think?"

"I think if the new government turns into another empire, then they'll only have themselves to blame. The grand marshal and the committee did everything in their power to avoid that, but it will be in the hands of the Senate once the elections are finished."

He nodded slowly. "How's it going on Coruscant?"

She rolled her eyes. "Coruscant has its own challenges. The powers that be see the potential for substantial loss to the Outer and Mid-Rim worlds, who have been crippled for decades by criminal activity and military pressure. The removal of both of those should usher in prosperity for those regions and declining power in the core. But if the Outer Rim senators are too weak to make sure that happens, if they're bought off or easily intimidated, then nothing will change and the core worlds will retain their power."

Kes nodded again. "Yeah, I can see how that would play out."

"So can the common people on Coruscant, but it seems most of them are voting with their feet. We're already seeing emigration going up. A place like Yavin … I suspect you'll see immigrants."

"Oh, we could use them. There's room here." He nodded slowly. "I heard there was recruitment going on in some places. Is that connected?"

"What kind of recruitment?"

"I think military."

She shrugged. "Yes, that should be happening. Part of the interim turnover plan was an agreement that police and security work be done by locals and not by First Order ships. So especially in the outer worlds that don't have strong security forces, they should be getting started building them."

"Ah-hah," Kes nodded. "That makes sense then. So a place like Yavin, for example, that already has a stable infrastructure and a sound defense force, aren't seeing any recruitment. We'll only see outside supplementation, like from converted Order ships. You know, you guys need to be real careful with that. Sending destroyers or troopers in, or people wearing those uniforms," he jerked his chin at her, "will cause people around here to get their backs up. Appearances matter. They fool a lot of people."

"Why do I need to be careful with it? You're the one on Yavin. Talk to your senator, or whoever gets elected. They're the ones who have a say in it."

Kes opened his mouth to say something, then shut it and straightened, tilting his head. "You know, you're right. We need to do something about this. Us. Right here."

She raised her brows in question.

"Yeah, I've got a whole new job. Thanks." He started to sign off, then said, "Oh, and I'll tell Poe you have that information for him." He started to sign off and caught himself a second time. "Oh, would you like to talk like this again sometime? I've got to get dinner going or I'd have more to say now."

"About what? Politics?"

"Sure. What's going on at Coruscant. Tell me more about Lothal. You guys have the best stories because they're things I've never heard before. I figure that's got to work both ways. I'm sure I could … tell you a few things in exchange." He smiled charmingly.

She laughed lightly at his flirting. "I'm sure you could. Let's find out. Some other time."


	29. Shower Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Four days out from wedding. Evening.

 

"You really set the pace there," Poe said as they undressed in the bedroom after their run. He was still breathing hard. "I barely kept up."

"But you did keep up. Your stamina has increased markedly in the short time we've been doing this." Hux peeled off his shorts, form-fitting as they were. They left so little to the imagination. Poe loved them. Acting disinterested, Hux asked, "Did it seem a little vindictive?"

"Yeah," Poe answered frankly and not buying the disinterested act. After a pause, he asked, "Was it?"

Poe caught the edge of an impish smile before Hux managed to hide his face behind the shirt he was taking off. "A little."

Poe laughed. "That's funny.  _You_  are funny." He tossed his clothes at the hamper. Standing there naked, hands at his sides, he asked, "Can I wash you?"

Hux looked him up and down briefly, his eyes lingering on Poe's smiling face. "Yes."

They went in the shower together. Hux rinsed as Poe put a little soap on a sponge. He started on Hux's hands, as Hux was facing him. He was still wearing his knife, something that had started the day after the wedding. At least he didn't wear it to bed. Yet.

He could see some of the tension bleeding out of Hux's body as Poe continued to touch him gently. Poe was looking for any excuse or opportunity to restore the comfort they'd had with one another before today. From what he could tell, Hux was in the same situation – wanting to be at ease with him, but running him ragged on their jog. At least he recognized it, and as retaliation went, Poe was happy to laugh it off.

Silently, Hux turned his back when Poe reached his shoulders. He washed across the top and then leaned in to kiss the freshly cleaned skin before wiping it down again. He repeated on the other side. Hux said, "You may kiss me however you wish if you're washing me after."

Poe kissed him again, just a smooch, and asked, "Do you mean I can taste you?"

"Yes. Anything."

"Anything?" Poe smooched him again on the other shoulder. "What about my teeth?"

"Don't bite me. At least not hard. I can't imagine why you'd want to."

"Because I might be a little vindictive, too," Poe answered with a toothy smile. Hux glanced over his shoulder with an amused, arched brow. He didn't rescind the offer, so Poe took him up on it, sucking lightly and pressing his teeth against Hux's flesh. Hux drew in a breath and braced his arms against the wall. But he didn't spread his legs. Poe switched the sponge to his off-hand, put his right into Hux's hair to make a fist, and kissed him the same way again. This time Hux groaned. "Sounds like you like that," Poe murmured, peppering his wet skin with tiny kisses. The red patch he'd left was faint enough that it would be gone in a minute.

Hux made an inarticulate response. Given the ambivalence in the sound, Poe moved on. He scrubbed the spot where he'd kissed and scrunched at Hux's hair a few more times. Hux made sensual sounds at that. Poe moved down his back, pausing over the small of it. "Can I wash your butt?"

"No." Hux turned and took the sponge from him, reaching behind to use it himself. He gave Poe a moment of challenging, rude eye contact, so Poe studied the tile next to him instead.

"Don't want me looking at you while you wash?"

"No."

Poe said, "Okay," and kept his eyes averted. "You've said you liked me looking at you."

Hux had moved on to washing his groin. "I have to be able to clean myself without it being arousing to you. I don't know how you people outside the Order manage it together, or even for invalids, if the very sight of flesh excites you."

"Ah, got it." Poe shifted his eyes back, but it was direct eye contact with no glance lower. "If it's not sexualized, then it's not sexy. I don't know how to explain it, but I can do that. I just didn't know the deal."

Hux's voice softened. "I will handle cleaning myself, though, for these parts." He nudged the sponge into Poe's hand. "The rest you can do if you wish it." Poe started at belly-button level and went up from there. When Poe reached the shoulders, he set aside the sponge and reached up with both hands to run them through Hux's hair. The man sighed and dipped his head, putting his hands on Poe's waist to steady himself.

"Yeah," Poe murmured, pleased by the sounds and touch. "I like making you happy."

"I know you do," Hux whispered back. "You are a lovely person. You mean well. I saw that so clearly, it hurt."

"It hurt?"

"I … I don't know." Hux pulled him closer in a hug, giving them full contact all the way down.

Poe stiffened and looked down. Their groins were touching and he wasn't sure what to do about that since Hux was the one making it happen. "Are we …?"

"It's alright." Hux adjusted his feet around Poe's and dipped his head to Poe's cheek. They swayed together under the streaming water, eyes shut for many minutes.

Finally, Hux straightened slightly and asked, "What did you tell your father?"

"What happened. Plus the background to understand it – Rey telling me I had the Force, you telling me the tree did. I left out the sex and anything we actually … did or said." Poe rubbed a small circle on Hux's back. "How would you describe it – what happened?"

"I …" Hux took a step back, separating them. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it. It's that I don't have words for it." He shook his head. His face pinched.

Poe nodded. "Things that happen with a lot of adrenaline, a lot of negative emotions, sometimes bypass the part of the brain that's verbal. The memories go straight into muscle memory or the body's responses, because that part of the brain says that anything that bad needs to be fight-or-flight, not 'stick around and talk about it'. I'm … assuming that's where you're at with it right now?"

His heart sank at having been the cause of Hux being so messed up by something he might struggle with articulating it just like he did his experiences with Snoke, or losing his memories of Arkanis entirely. For the various things that had come up before with Kylo Ren or Hux, Poe hadn't felt responsible. Emotional distance was easier then. It wasn't so much now.

"That's probably it." Hux gave him a perfunctory kiss on the forehead, then looked up at the shower head. His brows drew together. "It's getting cold." He looked at the settings.

Poe reached over and shut it off. "Unlike a star destroyer, we only have so much hot water at a time. We're done unless we want a cold shower."

"No, not so much," Hux said. "Did you need to wash?"

Poe shrugged. "We didn't get dirty so much today as sweaty. Just the rinse should take care of that. But I can shower again before bed if you want." He swallowed as they exited the shower. "Are we sleeping together tonight? I'd like to know. I could take the couch if-" He stopped at the stricken look Hux gave him. It only lasted a second before Hux fixed his face.

Hux offered Poe a towel. Poe took it. When Hux spoke, his voice was unexpectedly stern. "First – to answer your question – yes. We will sleep together tonight. Secondly, though, and more important to me – what is causing such doubt? I have already said we are staying together as far as I am concerned."

Poe took a moment to reflect on that tone coming out of a naked, wet man who had earlier been so traumatized by Poe's actions that he literally couldn't talk about it. State of dress, or undress, didn't seem to make much difference to Hux's sense of dignity. Poe told him, "What I did was awful. It was unforgiveable."

"You are wrong. I have forgiven it. Or is it you who can't forgive it?"

"I … I don't want to be in the same category as Snoke for you."

Hux's brows drew together. He snapped at him, "Is that where this is coming from? Well,  _you are_. Get over it!"

Poe's mouth gaped in surprise at being so bluntly shut down. He said nothing.

Hux went on, "You are a living being and you are able to use the Force. So could he. It's a small category featuring less than a dozen members. However, you are not an ali- a non-human who is my superior officer, who feels entitled to access my mind at will, and never had the least concern for my well-being outside of my ability to execute his orders. I am not so  _stupid_  that I can't tell the difference. Are you?"

Poe shook his head silently. He shut his mouth and tried to stop the smile that was threatening to take over. Strangely the thing that jumped out at him and wouldn't let go was Hux honoring his terminology for a non-human. That bit of respect changed the angry dressing-down from a personal attack and into something helpful, but it was still deeply amusing to see Hux get worked up about this. It was like when Poe had told Hux he'd fight anyone who spoke badly of him, including Hux himself.

"I saw your thoughts, Poe Dameron. I saw your stark terror that you'd wounded me in a way that wouldn't heal. I've heard your father tell me you said the same to him. I find it insulting, especially given all I've gone through, that you imagine one misstep or even four would end my feelings for you. It is not true and I have no interest in coddling your unfounded insecurity over it. I know we're both doing our best. Our best is all we can do. I repeated that mantra to myself daily for the last seven years. Try it yourself. You've done the best you could, mistakes or not."

Poe raised his chin and let himself finally smile. "I've done the best I could. Mistakes or not." He still remembered seeing the transports exploded one after another above Crait. He still remembered Hux shutting down earlier this day, thinking nearly incoherent, self-hating thoughts because of what Poe had done. But it did feel better, even only a little bit better, to say the words and acknowledge that he'd done what he'd done out of a desire to do right.

"You need to hear it! Listen to it. Accept it. Repeat it daily if you need to." Hux sighed and sat on the bed. He toweled off his hair and gave the floor a bitter frown.

Poe looked at him, head slightly turned. "I admire your strength. I suppose if Snoke didn't break you, then I won't."

"Snoke did break me. I surrendered completely. And worse. I've already surrendered to you.  _We're married_. For better. It's already better. This is  _all_  better." He looked penetratingly at Poe. "Do you see that? This, you and me," he gestured back and forth between them, "this is an improvement for me. We're talking about things. A year ago I would have put a knife in you and moved on. Or something like that. The idea of looking for a solution off the battlefield was foreign to me."

Poe wasn't sure what to say to that, so he dried his hair with the towel.

"By the way," Hux said, "you can call me whatever you like." He was unfastening the knife scabbard.

"What do you mean?"

"Sweetheart, baby, whatever." He set the knife next to him and dried his arm.

"Are you okay with that?"

"No, but I will attempt to be. I've seen your mind. I know your intent. It seemed like a reflexive word choice. 'Baby' was one of my father's favorite pejoratives for me. He never wanted to deal with a child. From the time I left my mother, he thought I should be a man." Hux laughed bitterly. "Which is ridiculous. I was no more than  _six_. But that's how it was. I don't want you to apologize for speaking to me in love."

Poe nodded slowly. He finishing drying off and went to sit on the floor, cross-legged. He pulled one of Hux's feet into his lap.

"What are you doing?"

Poe snorted. "You just chewed me out. I want to get back in your good graces. I want to touch you. And after a run like that? Maybe your feet are sore. By the way, I think it's healthier to get this stuff out in the open. I'm glad you're not holding back."

"Hm. Come around where I can touch you. I want it as well."

Poe turned in place and scooted against the bed so he was facing away. He swung Hux's leg over his shoulder and continued as Hux toyed with his hair and the nape of his neck. Hux leaned forward to watch what he was doing. Then he used his foot to push away one of Poe's hands. Poe stopped, trying to make sense of that. As he did, Hux reached over with his foot and pushed on that hand again, saying, "Ha!" as he did it.

"We're playing!" Poe said suddenly as he realized what was going on. He grabbed Hux's foot with both hands, delighted at the unexpected frivolity. "I've got you now!"

"Ah! My foot is surrounded. I must send in reinforcements!" Hux's other foot involved itself, pushing one of his hands away with the ball of his foot against Poe's wrist.

"Battlefield sims! Yes! That's a game. You know how to play after all."

"It's  _like_  a game." Hux pulled away his captured foot and lifted that leg over Poe's shoulders, shifting so he had one on either side of Poe's head. He hooked his heels over Poe's biceps and tugged back on his hair until Poe let his head fall back into Hux's lap. Or at least between his legs. They were both naked. "The stakes are usually much higher."

Poe grinned. "I like where this is going."

Then his father called them to dinner.


	30. The Path Forward

"Dinner is served," Kes called out for the third time. He'd waited enough time after the shower kicked off for them to have gotten dressed, but it still took them a while to emerge from the bedroom. When they did, both of them still had damp, uncombed hair. That was amusing and, Kes thought, a very good sign given the apparently heart-rending incident earlier that day.

Poe came in to look around in the kitchen. "Do you need help with anything?"

"Maybe earlier, but not now. Have a seat." Kes waved at the table. "It's a good thing that you're in there talking to each other, assuming any talking was being done, but the food was going to get cold." The suddenly tight, pursed expression on Hux's face confirmed for Kes that little or no talking had been involved.

He swallowed his laugh about that and started off the meal with what was becoming a customary walk-through, directed at Hux. "The peppers are spicy. You probably don't want them. The usual thing is that you take your beans here, crumble up a biscuit in them just like in the chocolate sauce, then stir in as many peppers as you want to liven it up."

Poe drew over the dish of beans and ladled some out for himself.

Hux nodded. "And the fish?"

Kes looked at the fried nuggets. "It's fish. Eat it with a fork or your hands. Either way is appropriate."

Poe said, "He skins them first. There aren't any bones, either."

"There might be. I miss them sometimes, but usually not." Kes served beans to himself. He and Poe were both liberal with the peppers.

Seeing that, Hux tried the peppers anyway, but had them straight for whatever reason. From his expression, he regretted his mistake. Kes offered, "Take a bite of biscuit. It dulls the heat."

Hux made an unhappy noise and did so. Kes crumbled up a biscuit into his beans and stirred. As they were eating, Kes said, "I could just tell you about today, but it wouldn't make as much sense if I didn't give you some background. So, when the Hosnian System was blown up, things heated up around here. A lot of folks were mad. People who had thought the disagreement with the First Order was just that – something a bunch of politicians and a few warships in deep space were squabbling about – suddenly realized this could effect them in a heartbeat. We were almost blown up by the first Death Star, you know.

"In a few days after the Hosnian thing, the First Order fleet was everywhere. Threatening. Actually acting in a few places that tried to fight them off. But most of the Republic fleet had been in orbit over Hosnian Prime and there hadn't been enough time to organize much in the way of a substitute government. Right in the middle of that, we hear Luke Skywalker is dead and then the leader of the Resistance, Leia, passed away. Next thing I knew, the systems still willing to fight are in talks with the Order on Naboo.

"So." He looked at Hux. "You moved fast. You hit harder than anyone who was left could hit back. The Republic's leadership, what of it we had, fractured even more after Naboo with a lot of people saying there was no reason to fight now that you were offering acceptable surrender terms. And there weren't any follow-up atrocities that people could rally around. The war effort fizzled out as far as the galaxy was concerned, and I know you both knew that.

"But not as far as  _individuals_  were concerned. Here on Yavin, the Nosurs, the No Surrender Faction or Never Surrender Faction, never went away."

"Insurgents," Hux said as he dissected a piece of fish. Kes nodded. Hux said, "We had a briefing on the major insurgency groups at the start of every conference. There was no point in creating a new government if it would only be undermined. As I recall, the representative from Yavin wasn't especially interested in doing anything about them. He said it was 'politically untenable.'"

Kes smiled. "Yeah. It was. Or would have been."

Poe interrupted to tell Hux, "Hey, you don't have to do that and it doesn't help anyway. You'll feel the bones with your mouth. That's what you're looking for, right?"

Hux gave him a doubting look. "I just eat it, as it is?"

"Yeah." Poe popped a chunk in his mouth to demonstrate.

Hux shrugged, scooped up the fish bits on his spoon, and ate them. When he'd swallowed, he said, "The food in the Order was much simpler to eat than this."

Kes chuckled. "You'll get the hang of it. Now, let me continue. I've been thinking about this most of the afternoon and want to get it out. After you blew up Hosnian Prime, a lot of people I knew well were pretty agitated. Myself included. My son was out fighting the good fight. I believed him when he said Naboo had gone well, that he was getting intelligence on the Order's core worlds with a recon mission to them." Kes paused as Hux gave Poe a highly amused look and Poe looked sheepish. Kes said, "That's not what he told you, huh?"

Hux snorted. "Not at all. But I expected it. It would have been the height of naivete had they not used the opportunity."

"Then there were all those missions," Kes said. "I noticed the pattern even back then, but it really jumped out at me when Poe said you two were engaged. You see, none of those missions ever put the Resistance up against the First Order, or even their interests. You were doing their dirty work for them." He paused again. Poe shrugged like this was old news. Hux was unexpressive.

"So you knew that?" Kes asked Poe.

Poe shrugged again. "Everything we were doing made it harder or even impossible for the First Order to go back on their word about peace. We knew."

"Okay. That's a good reason," Kes said. "But at that point, you see, I'd been talking with people for months about how we'd like to join in a real effort against the First Order, something that looked like vengeance. If we could just get a few ships together. People seemed to think I could call on my son and we'd use the  _Restitution_  as a base of operations, and we might be able to do something more direct than what you guys were doing. I wasn't the only one who thought the Resistance was selling out somehow. Frankly, it looked that way.

"Then I get this message from you." Kes laughed. "And it all became clear." He shook his head. Poe looked embarrassed. Hux looked mildly interested as he continued to eat. "I had to turn around and tell people who had gladly told me that we could fight together against the Order … that this wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to go out there with them, like I'd said I would for  _months_ , and help them shoot you guys. Instead, I had a wedding to plan – the leader of the enemy forces was going to be my son-in-law." He gave them both a tight-lipped, sort of angry smile. "I had to eat so many words. I got pretty kriffing sick of it.

"I got even sicker listening to people I'd thought were our friends, who'd seen you grow up," he gestured to Poe, "say some really bad things about you. About your judgment. About your loyalties. About your past. Your reputation. The way you were raised. Everything. I got an earful of it. I'm still getting an earful of it. I got another earful today when I met Palo in town."

"Palo Meekins?" Poe asked. "She came to my graduation. I thought she was on Eriadu or something?"

"Yeah. She was," Kes said. "She's here now. I'm concerned it's because he's here. He's not some grunt people are going to forget and he's not Skywalker who ruled for two weeks and then got kicked out. He's the only one who was in charge for any length of time who's still around. And he left on his own terms, which looks suspicious to people."

Kes nodded towards Hux as he spoke to Poe. "When you guys go in town, stay with him all the time." He turned to Hux. "Don't even go to the bathroom alone. Keep a blaster in reach at all times and keep your eyes open. I don't know what to tell you other than that for the short term. Longer term, I'm going to look into running for Yavin's Senate seat."

"What?" Poe asked.

"Someone needs to," Kes said. "Clearly. Do you know anything better to get the crosshairs off the two of you?" He looked between them. Poe was startled; Hux unreadable. "I run for that seat, and every one of the No-surs who are telling me to do something about you can come help me do something about the real problem, which is a Senate populated by a bunch of amateurs, myself included, who don't know what the hell they're doing. Figuring it out will keep them off you and channel all that frustration into something useful."

"Does that work?" Poe asked.

"It worked on Naboo," Hux said. "What Kylo Ren did there, I only realized the brilliance of later and I don't think he did as he did it. It gave the galaxy something else to work toward than fighting. It made peace a group effort. It removed the heroism from continuing to kill each other."

"Do you think it would work here?" Poe asked.

Hux shrugged. "I don't know. My idea for Naboo was to bomb everyone from orbit. I was wrong. My skill in counter-insurgency was limited to making sure they were unable to cobble together those ships he was talking about. That turned out to be right.

"We came down on the financial institutions and the shipyards. They wouldn't loan money to people or governments to buy war machines of any kind and the shipyards wouldn't sell to anyone other than the Order. Or else either would face everything left of our fleet. That's why Kuat, Corellia, and the other shipyards were my first destinations after securing our supply lines. I was destroying my enemy's supply lines. I know how to do that. I don't know how to lead … rabble."

Kes put his hand over his mouth to cover his laugh at the disgust in Hux's voice for that last word.

"What's so funny?" Hux asked.

"Every now and then you say something that reminds me that I have this imperial for a son-in-law." Kes was grinning openly now. "And I like you. You're okay. But none of that means you don't sound like you're straight out of the empire."

Hux studied him for a moment, then said, "You're right." His next words came out strange-sounding. "I need to change my accent again."

"What?" Poe stared at him.

"I need to change my accent so I don't sound like I just stepped out of the Order. To blend in." Hux spoke slowly, enunciating carefully. Every word had something of a drawl. It barely sounded like him.

"I like your accent," Poe said in a weak voice. "The other one."

"What's this about 'again' anyway?" Kes asked.

Hux reverted back to his normal voice. "I didn't pick up an imperial accent until I was fourteen or fifteen. Before that, it was more … provincial."

"Jakku," Poe said. Hux shrugged.

"Jakku?" Kes asked.

"My father's first recruits for the First Order were drawn from Jakku orphans. They were the ones I was put in charge of. Whatever Arkanis accent I may have had was lost. When I enrolled in formal education as a teenager, most of the other students had grown up … with their imperial parents. My manner of speaking was judged deficient. I corrected it."

"Huh. Well, I suppose that would make it harder for people to peg your background on first blush," Kes said.

"I don't like it," Poe said, firm now that he'd gotten over the initial shock. "I like the way you sound. You don't have to change to please people."

"It's a survival strategy. Just like it was then." Hux stacked his bowl onto his plate. He was done eating.

Poe shook his head. "There are plenty of people even here on Yavin, who sound like you do. The ones who don't like it are the ones who need to adjust." He turned to his father. "If Yavin is all about independence and freedom, then why this pressure for conformance?"

"Don't look at me like it was my idea," Kes objected.

Poe looked back to Hux.

Gently, Hux said, "As has come up between us before, I will say what you wish me to say and use the words you want to hear. If that means I should speak in the accent you like, then I will speak in the accent you like."

Poe waited several beats. He tilted his head a little and pursed his lips. "I like you being different. I like that about you. I like your past, because it's  _you_. I like the contradiction, how you're not at all what most people think you are. What I fought for, joined the Resistance for, is for people to be free to be different. I don't know what to say other than that. I'm not going to tell you to do something dangerous."

"You've said enough," Hux said in the imperial voice he usually used.

"One other thing," Kes said, "that thing between the two of you about the Force? Let's keep that quiet. Palo told me a rumor – and it wasn't the first time I'd heard it, either – that you'd been mind-controlled into this relationship. I'd say it was ridiculous, but the Empire did stuff like that before." Kes looked between the two of them thoughtfully. "I think you two really love each other, regardless of how it started, and that's what matters now."

"We didn't-" Poe started, but Kes waved him off.

"No. No, Poe. Son. I don't care. I'm telling you how it looks, so you'll understand to keep this in your back pocket for now. Especially until the two of you get okay with whatever it is."

Poe chewed his lips and looked at Hux, who said, "It was within Snoke's power."

Poe said, "He was dead before we met."

Kes said quietly, "The accusation has never involved Snoke. It's been Kylo Ren. And the fact that you were publicly seen getting mind-something'd right before you fell in with him." He gestured at Hux.

Poe's head dropped, he put both elbows on the table with his forearms flat to it, and leaned in slightly. His tone was empty of emotion. "He didn't do anything. It was my idea from the start."

Kes shrugged. "I'm not saying it wasn't. Listen, this is nasty talk and I've already said a couple times – I don't believe it and even if someone proved it were true, I don't care and it doesn't matter. You two make a nice couple. I'm proud to have both of you, however you found each other. Now what did you think about that speeder?"

Poe straightened slowly and breathed out a few times before accepting the change in subject. "He's kept it in good shape. Is that really what a used speeder goes for these day?"

Kes answered, "You're probably comparing it to the stripped out, burned out ones you'd see on the circuit. Something like Braxen's, low use, has most of its accessories, is going to be more. It's still a lot less than new. It looked like he had an aftermarket package on the tail assembly. Did you see that?"

Hux looked intently at Poe, then at Kes, then left the table to go into the kitchen.

"Yeah," Poe answered, watching Hux in the kitchen. Kes glanced over his shoulder to see Hux meet his eyes briefly, then open the freezer and look around through it. Poe continued, "I asked him about that. He said he backed into the firepit a month or so after buying it and cracked everything. No real damage, but it looked bad and he didn't want a new speeder looking banged up. Far as I could tell, he was telling the truth." Poe was still watching Hux.

Kes put his fist on the table in front of him, thumb pointed up, then made one gesture back with it toward Hux, asking a question without verbalizing it. Poe said very quietly in a voice almost sure not to carry, "I told him it wasn't stealing to take food without asking. So he's not asking." Poe looked amused, warming up finally from the chill about the accusation of Kylo Ren messing with his heart in addition to his head.

"Ah," Kes said in the same whisper. "That's how it is?" Poe nodded. In a normal volume, Kes said, "How was food in the Order anyway? I think Armitage mentioned you ate there some?"

Poe shrugged. "It was fine. Yeah, I did. They get these trays of food, customized to each person, and you eat what you get because that's all you get. It's enough if you eat everything. I suppose part of the reason why it was so bland was so there wouldn't be anything a person wouldn't eat. It wasn't awful like you hear about the imperial food, but I wouldn't order it in a restaurant. No offense," he said to Hux, who was returning to the table with a bowl of koyo ice cream.

"None taken," Hux said. "There was something of black market for spice – literal food additives and flavorings, not the drug – in the Order for those into that sort of thing."

"Like that liquor you'd, what, confiscated from someone?"

Hux grinned and chuckled. "Yes. My hands are no cleaner than anyone else's. They didn't have a license for it. You can't just sell luxury goods in First Order territory without clearance. We'd never know what they might be smuggling in later, like weapons to slaves. I certainly wasn't going to space the stuff after we'd seized it."

"Can I have a taste of that?" Poe asked, gesturing at the ice cream. Hux scraped some onto his spoon and offered it. Poe leaned in and ate it. Hux directed a small frown at the spoon fresh out of Poe's mouth, then looked at Poe, who seemed to realize something wrong. Without ever taking his eyes off Poe, Hux slowly opened his mouth, tipped the spoon into it, and sucked it clean. Poe's mouth fell open in a disbelieving, lusty grin. Poe ran the tip of his tongue back and forth across the back of his front teeth.

Kes collected up a few dishes and absented himself from the table. He heard Hux ask, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Poe said quickly. "That was intensely sexy though. I think that's the flirtiest thing I've ever seen you do." He sounded amazed.

"That wasn't my intention."

Kes put the dishes in the sink and laughed out loud at that. He headed back for more.

Poe shook his head. "Uh, it sure looked like it was. And that's okay, Hugs."

Hux was blushing. Kes gathered up a second round of dishes and said, "There was nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you love my son." He turned to Poe. "By the way, that call you were waiting for came in. She said you could call her back. Birnham, on Coruscant."

"Yeah." Poe looked at Hux, who was looking at him expectantly. Poe said, "I, uh, I was asking her to help me get some info on Finn's genealogy."

"Oh." Hux took another bite of ice cream with a thoughtful expression. He smiled at Poe. "You know, you are a very bad liar."

Poe huffed, rolled his eyes, and looked away. Kes came back for the leftover food and carted it off. "Busted," Kes told him unnecessarily.

"You see," Hux said, "now I'm certain. That second was a testing question because I wasn't quite sure until you acted guilty there. You have to keep the lie up the whole time. And it would help if it weren't a subject I and General Birnham have collaborated on in the past and already provided Finn with all the information he has coming to him. She's not going to find anything new for you. That makes the idea that you went out of your way to ask her, instead of me, even more dubious."

"Okay, yeah, you got me," Poe said glumly.

Kes looked over at the moment of silence to see Hux feeding Poe more ice cream. "So what was she calling about?" Kes asked. "She didn't say."

Poe gave Kes a side-eye. "I'll tell you later."

"Why don't you say it now?" Kes asked, curious himself. He wiped his hands on a wash cloth. "He knows you're not telling the truth."

Hux cut in, "I don't want to know. That's why I'm suggesting ways for him to lie more convincingly. So I won't know next time." He offered Poe another bite.

Poe took it. "You need to eat more of that yourself. You didn't get it to feed it all to me."

"You said it was more romantic this way," Hux said teasingly.

Poe reached over and pulled the bowl to himself in too quick a motion for Hux's nerves. He twitched and tensed, then tried to relax. Moving more slowly, Poe took the spoon from him, scooped up a bite, and offered it. Hux took it.

"Scrape the top of the ice cream," Hux suggested, "or scoop from around the edges. I like it partly melted."

"Gotcha."

Kes called over, "I've put away the leftovers. You think you guys can do the dishes together?"

"Yep," Poe said, feeding Hux another (this time properly chosen) spoonful.

Kes nodded. "Then I'm going to turn in. We can talk about this some more in the morning."


	31. Face to Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bedtime, day four after the wedding.

 

Poe followed Hux into bed. They faced each other first and Poe glanced at Hux's lips. Hux tilted his head and leaned in to kiss him gently, opening his mouth slightly and working in tandem with Poe's motions.

"You are getting to be such a good kisser," Poe said with a sigh after they separated.

"Hm," was all Hux said. He touched Poe's shoulder, or at least the pajamas over it, moving the fabric back and forth over his skin.

"Do you like it? Kissing?"

"I think so. I like smelling you, touching you, feeling you respond. You like it and I know that, so I feel as though I'm doing something for you, to show you that I love you. I like finding ways to do that."

Poe smiled slowly, infatuated. "You are a darling. A treasure. So sweet. I adore you."

Hux blushed and smiled back. "I am charmed that you think so. I suppose it's the impression I'm trying to make, though I hadn't put much thought into it as a propo."

"'Propo'?"

"Oh, it's short for propaganda program, but it's come to mean anything you do to cultivate and manage a public image. At least in the Order. I don't know if the Republic even uses the word. They tend to cast their public relations efforts as 'objective truth', as though there is any such thing."

Poe nodded, deciding that lying together in bed at the end of a long day was not when he wanted to get into a heated discussion about which political entity was more honest in their media efforts. Besides, he didn't care.

"As far as a physical sensation," Hux told him, "it remains ticklish and … I don't know how to describe it, but I don't want it at times. It's too much and I want to be away from it. So … at least for now, please continue to let me initiate it."

Poe thought that over. This was a more important issue. "No problem. I really appreciate what you do for me. I'm grateful. You're a very good partner." He chuckled softly. "Very patient. Very forgiving. You're a good person, Armitage."

Hux made a small, grimacing smile and sighed. He drew Poe closer. They held each other quietly.

Without trying to and without knowing how to shut it out, Poe could feel Hux's emotions – love, affection, hope, tenderness, a steadiness Poe didn't know how to label, resignation, and behind it all lurked fear. It wasn't overpowering, but it was there.

'Fear leads to the dark side.' He'd heard it over and over growing up. So much so that Poe had made it a personal mission to vanquish fear in himself. The only two times that came to his mind of feeling it recently had both been with Hux – both in fear of losing him. Which was, as told in the Jedi teachings his father had relayed to him, the danger of attachment. It was dark. It included the destructive emotions of possessiveness, jealousy, and self-doubt.

Hux didn't seem to have any of those, though. Poe would have bet every credit he had that on a light/dark scale, Hux was drenched in the dark side. Yet he didn't have many of the much-advertised 'dangerous' traits. He wasn't a loner who was impossible to get along with, living a life of self-inflicted misery. The other two dark side users Poe knew, Steel and Nera, didn't seem to be that way either - no boundless rage or drawing power from pain.

Though maybe that was why Steel wasn't very powerful? But Nera was, as far as he'd been told, relatively strong in the Force. He wished he'd sat down with them and asked about how the Force manifested for them. Or with Kylo Ren. They might not have told him, but at least he would have tried. Third-hand information from Leia, his father, or others in the Church of the Force wasn't the same thing.

Did any of this mean anything, or had his entire faith been a 'propo' designed to promulgate a certain take on the Force on behalf of the Jedi and was now being mindlessly passed on by those who didn't know any better? He suspected Kylo would say that were the case. The ancient Jedi texts had focused on very different subjects, talking about the existence and manifestations of the Force rather than on codes of behavior or policing one's thinking. Was it because those things didn't matter? Or because they were covered elsewhere and not the subject of those particular books?

"What are you musing on?" Hux asked. "I can feel you thinking."

Poe chuckled. "The Force. And propaganda."

"Hm. Are they evening prayers?" He sounded sleepy.

"No. Just thinking. I can feel your fear." Poe hesitated, making sure Hux didn't respond badly to that. He didn't respond at all, so he went on. "I was taught fear was a bad thing. But it's really just a reaction. It's an emotion. It's not a feeling someone asks for. Like grief – it happens."

"I didn't ask to love you, either." Hux nuzzled at his temple and Poe was silent, appreciating that and enjoying it with a soft sigh, until Hux finished. "Let me have my fear."

Poe made a tiny nod. "Yeah, of course. That's where I was going with it. It's how you are. I don't want to change you. You do that yourself, when you need to, when you want to. When it feels right."

"You feel right." Hux's words were slurred. "Now stop thinking. I can't sleep when you do that."

Poe smiled at the ridiculous command, but said nothing. He couldn't not think, but he directed his focus to Hux's breathing. He listened as it deepened and felt the relaxation of slumber take over his partner. The emotional resonance between them dipped and tapered off, vanishing into a thin line of awareness with no consciousness behind it on Hux's end.

That, too, was something to learn. But more than just the Force experience, Poe realized something else – Hux had, for the first time, gone to sleep first between them. And facing him, no less! Always before, he'd rolled Poe over to face away, assuming Poe didn't present himself that way. But not now. The day's stress had not set them back to the starting point. They were still making progress after all.


	32. Nightmare Link

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Midnight between day four and five after the wedding.

 

It was a strange, blurred dream. Multiple people were watching it happen aside from himself. Hux half-remembered giving the order for bombardment of some disenfranchised, unhappy world. Perhaps that was a real memory. But the rest was fabrication. He found himself in the target zone on the surface of the planet. Bolts were slamming into the ground so hard that each one knocked him from his feet. He was desperately trying to find a transmitter and call off the assault. It was only a matter of time before he was incinerated.

A downed trooper lay next to a haphazard pile of equipment. It might be a communicator. Hux frantically worked the controls. The switches were all in the wrong place. They wouldn't stay flipped. He yelled into the receiver, but he couldn't hear his own voice. He wasn't sure if the signal was getting through. The response was garbled. He could hear it, but he couldn't make sense of it. It sounded like Poe and not any of his bridge crew. Was the Resistance involved? The world seemed to darken and he felt himself relax, like none of this really mattered.

But he fought that off. It was alien, unfamiliar. Instead, he grasped at what he knew better. He was on the bridge now and Poe was still on the other end of the line, not able to hear him. Everyone was smirking, but this time Poe was saying different things to get his attention and it was Hux who found himself unable to speak. His lips were frozen. His throat would move, but nothing would come out. Then he couldn't breathe. He had to be choking. Did Snoke know he was talking to Poe? What would Snoke do if he knew they were together?

Firm pressure was applied to his forearms, mashing them into the mattress. Someone leaned above him. Had he fallen?

"I hear you. General Hux! GENERAL HUX! I HEAR YOU!"

He jerked awake, but the restraints were real – at least, Poe was pressing his arms down so he couldn't flail. Had he been flailing? Where was he? Why was Poe out of uniform? He wasn't sure what kind of uniform Poe should be in, but the pajamas seemed wrong. The room was, too. It wasn't his quarters on the  _Finalizer_. He looked around, placing it as the bedroom in Kes Dameron's house on Yavin.

The door opened in the background. Kes stood there in baggy pants with a blaster in hand, trying to shake off sleep. Hux worried about that, but not about Poe. Poe's hands were both accounted for – there was no way he could strike him or stab him like this, but the same could not be said for Kes. Poe, who had been about to sit back and free him, stayed where he was instead, keeping his hands occupied on Hux's account.

"Dad?" Poe said over his shoulder. "Dad, it's okay. He's having, he had a nightmare. It's okay. I've got this. Go on."

The shouting had been real, Hux assumed. It was interesting that Poe had chosen his old rank. A moment later, he picked out of Poe's mind that Poe had known about the nightmare and the contents. He'd already tried other ways to get Hux's attention and thought fitting into the dream might work better, since Hux's mind kept insisting on working him into it anyway.

They'd been pulled into full mental contact somehow and not just an awareness of one another's emotions. Also, he could sense the tree somewhere in the distance, as though a tendril of a root was in touch with them both. Darkness existed in that direction, but it was a soothing darkness, like falling back asleep. Hux felt along it carefully, thinking that seemed like an attractive direction to go in.

Poe swallowed nervously, glancing down at Hux, wondering how Hux would respond to waking like this. All of these mental impressions overlapped and flowed through Hux's sleepy mind. He supposed he should have been bothered by them, but Poe's concern and affection for him was too clear for him to fear. He'd never had anyone there for him – to save him, to pull him to safety and care about him. It reminded him of Poe agreeing to stand up to the tree with him.

_It's okay_ , Hux thought to him.  _You really do love me._  Hux felt starstruck with that knowledge. All the tension from the dream seeped away.

Behind them, Kes nodded, waved the blaster vaguely in directions that didn't involve them, and shut the door.

Poe let go of his forearms, holding his empty hands up as he leaned away.

Hux was glad to be alive, not being bombed by his own people, misunderstood over a transmitter, or embarrassing himself on the bridge. He rubbed at his forehead. Poe was trying to be as tiny a mental presence as possible. Hux looked at him and decided he was too sleepy to deal with that further. The darkness beckoned.

_Rest. Rejuvenate. Night cycle_. He supposed the tree was speaking to him, or that his half-asleep mind found it easier to interpret its meaning than he did fully awake.  _The darkness builds; the light destroys._ It was so amusingly opposite of what people wanted to believe that Hux couldn't tell if the tree was saying that or he was coming up with it himself.

The dark had built an entire empire, two Death Stars, Starkiller Base, and a whole fleet of enormous  _Resurgent_ -class ships so sophisticated that they were only one small step away from never needing planets again. But people wanted to believe it was the light that was a force of creation. It was depressing.

"What do you want me to do?" Poe asked quietly.

He remembered Poe being kind about the only other nightmare Hux'd had in Poe's presence.  _Do that again,_  he thought. Poe had done nothing at all, which was exactly what Hux wanted – presence, support, and not making a big deal about it that he had to wake up for and manage.

He pulled Poe close, face-to-face as they'd been when they'd fallen asleep. Poe came to him with caution but not resistance, having seen his disjointed thoughts. Hux hugged him tight and dropped back into slumber.


	33. Strictures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Day five after the wedding. Morning. In the bedroom.

 

They faced one another on the bed, both cross-legged and waiting for the other to speak. Poe finally said, "So. You said you wanted to talk about the Force. Scheduled. What should we talk about? Yesterday?"

"What do you know about the Force?"

Poe's brows rose. "Some? Most of what I know is as a philosophy. A way of life. The actual 'using it' part never came up because no one can do that. Well, I know it seems like everyone I've interacted with in the last year can, but in the big picture, almost no one. I don't think the philosophical stuff is what you mean."

"No, that's useless."

Poe smiled at how painfully rude that was and suppressed a chuckle. "I've seen Kylo, Rey, and the knights do a lot of things, but they never explained how, so I don't think that's a lot of help either. Those old books Rey had were the best, but that's mostly 'useless philosophical stuff'. Why don't you tell me what you know about it? I think it's your point of view here that's critical."

Hux regarded him with obvious reservations, then began to speak. "What I know of the Force does not match with the way it is spoken of in the rest of the galaxy. It is said to be supernatural, beyond the laws of science, yet it is reliable and repeatable in occurrence. It clearly has rules despite the efforts of Force users to obfuscate them.

"It is said to be sentient and have a will of its own, but I have seen it to be impartial and lacking in any intent not present in the one using it. It is said to be a basis of morality, but it has no more virtue inherent in it than the rising and setting of the sun. Worshipping the stars is the act of primitives. No less the Force."

Poe couldn't hide the grin this time, or his laughter. He rubbed his forehead. "Wow. Okay. Yeah. That's, uh, that's how you feel about it."

"Those are my thoughts on it. My feelings are quite a bit worse. I think you were given some familiarity with them yesterday."

Poe nodded, acknowledging that. "You don't see this as a deal-breaker, right? That we have different views on this?"

"No ..." Hux looked down for a long moment, then asked, "Am I failing in showing proper respect? I'm not sure how to handle this, if I should be honest or …"

"Be honest. It's fine. And you're not disrespecting the Force. At least, that's not how I see it. You told me what you've seen and how you understood it. You've shared enough with me about your life that I understand where you're coming from. A year ago, those might have been fighting words for me, but not anymore. So to you, it's 'a' force, just one we don't know much about, and that some people are able to use better than others."

"Yes."

"Okay. Well, I think we're among those people. At some point, I think we need to figure out … how this will work for us. I was thinking the first thing we needed to do was be able to turn it off."

Hux stared at him and said nothing.

Poe grimaced. "Okay, clearly, I'm steering the conversation. Otherwise, there's going to be a lot of sitting here looking at each other. I don't mind the view, but maybe we can talk about how it works between us?" Still no answer. "What causes it?" More gently, Poe added, "Hugs? I can't do this alone."

"Touch," Hux blurted after a moment of shifting uneasily in place. "Emotional proximity. Attention to one another, perhaps? All of these are possible factors. For yesterday, perhaps being next to the tree or maybe one of us was in physical contact with a root – that might have been a factor. Relaxation. Breathing. Meditation."

Poe nodded. "Those all seem to be in play when I've felt things from you, yeah. Except I've felt a lot from you when the tree was across the yard. By the way, why were you sitting under it yesterday? Usually people who don't like things don't keep walking right up to them."

Hux gave Poe and odd look, then actually laughed out loud, nervous and then relieved. The tension unspooled. Seeing that nearly took Poe's breath away. He'd seen Hux laugh, but not so freely as he did at the end of that. Hux said, "Poe, we would not be together if I were unwilling to face the things I didn't like. All that time with my father, the other students, the rest of the Order, Snoke, Kylo Ren, and then you – taught me there's no use in retreating from the undesired. Move forward. Find out what it wants. Manipulate it to your benefit.

"In your case," Hux said, "you wanted to love me and-" His voice caught and he fell silent, blinking.

Poe smiled softly. "And 'manipulate it to your benefit' meant falling in love right back with me, because that's to your benefit? And so … you did. That's cute, Hugs." He sighed happily. "It's funny when your practical side runs headfirst into you being human."

"There's nothing inhuman about being practical!" Hux scoffed, but at least for a moment, he was more relaxed. "Speaking of which, I was trying to communicate with the uneti tree and testing a few different options in that regard. As we should test these factors involving how to trigger the connection between us. As a practical matter."

"Sure." Poe nodded, because it  _was_  practical, even if Hux was dodging the emotional side of it. "Are you comfortable with trying to test the connection?"

Hux drew himself up like there was a string above him, pulling his spine straight. His shoulders tensed. "I am not comfortable with not knowing what causes it." His voice had turned harder. "I want to reliably know what I should do and not do to … control it."

"Okay. We can do that. That's the first goal."

"Now."

"I thought we were just going to talk this first time."

"There is a point after which talking is merely stalling. Let's make progress on this." Hux swallowed nervously, his relaxation gone.

"Okay. You, uh, look a little keyed up. What if we started just with a massage and figure it out as we go? You relaxed there for a moment. I'd like to get back to that before we do anything."

"That would encompass touching. Yes. Fine. That's a good start." His tone was clipped. His posture remained stiff.

Poe gave him an uncertain look. "You're okay with this? Yesterday was kind of rough."

"Yes!" He practically hissed it.

Poe gave him a long look which Hux met with defiance. "I am getting all kinds of warning signals here."

"Because I'm upset about this!" Then Hux's voice changed remarkably, calmer. His features smoothed out. "Would you rather I concealed it? Does this make you more comfortable?" There was just enough 'snide' in that second question that Poe snorted.

" _No_ ," he said emphatically.

"If you value my honesty, then let me be honest. This upsets me. I am going to do it anyway. I don't want to have to work around your expectations of my behavior along with the rest of this!"

He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay." Poe moved off the bed and dug out a bottle of massage oil he'd bought before the wedding. He hadn't had a chance to use it yet. Hux stripped his shirt, threw it forcefully away, and laid out on the bed. He looked about as tense as he had the first time Poe had tried to rub him down, way back on Naboo. With that in mind, and knowing that time had worked out okay for them, Poe climbed on the bed slowly.

Poe ended up crouched over Hux's rear end, carrying most of his weight on his knees. It let him bear down better on Hux's back. After applying the oil, he rubbed in slow, methodical motions. This had always relaxed Hux in the past, leaving him a sighing, boneless heap. But not this time. Hux would start to relax, Poe would feel some slight brush of connection between them, and Hux would tense again. Poe slowed down, lightened up, and repeated.

The fourth time it happened, the contact wavered for longer than the previous three had. Poe saw a flash of Hux's emotions and an impression of his thoughts. It was enough to work out what was going on. The anxious anticipation of having the Force used on Hux made all the difference from a normal massage. He was filled with fear, deliberately keeping his hands to his side and his jaw unlocked but only because he was thinking about it. Even with concentration, his breathing was still uneven and he couldn't stop the bunching of his muscles. He was trying, though, and succeeding at least in not actually trembling.

Through that glimpse, Poe saw himself as Hux saw him at the moment – on top of him, holding him down in what was literally a more helpless position than even Snoke had put him in, and rather than simply having Hux submit, he was requiring active participation. Poe's breath left him in a shaky gasp as he realized Hux was about to let Poe push him right into another breakdown. Maybe that was even what Hux felt he  _had_  to do – that it was his role in this.

Poe lifted his hands away and dismounted more slowly than his instinct directed. Hux turned his head to look at him, concerned and pale. "I was … cooperating," he said apologetically. There was a faint tremor to his voice.

"I know," Poe said as softly as he could, lying down next to him. He wanted to cry on Hux's behalf, but that wouldn't help. He laid on his side facing Hux and kissed his deltoid. He pressed his forehead to it, eyes shut, and felt so sorry for what he'd unknowingly been doing. "We're doing the best we can," Poe murmured. It took some of the guilt away to say it.

"Yes," Hux agreed, his voice better. "We are."

"We don't have a good idea of boundaries here." Poe stroked the back of Hux's arm. "You told me the only way you thought we could be together, if I had the Force, was … me in charge. I saw that again yesterday, in your mind, before you shut down."

Hux inhaled sharply and shifted uncomfortably.

Poe waited a moment, then asked, "Do you remember that?"

"It sounds like something I would … think? I've said it before."

Poe nodded. "You said you would break under that. Last night you told me I'd broken you … somehow, by marrying you?"

Hux turned on his side to face Poe. "I am not the same man that I was before you. No more than I was before Snoke. With you it has been a pleasant change – growth, perhaps, but still, this has been … difficult. I hope my meaning in that was clear. I have no regrets."

"That was clear. I want to find a way to do this that isn't taking you down that same path, where it's a bad change, where you think I have to be in charge. Like you said – I'm not your superior officer and I care about you. We have to do this different."

Hux scooted closer and put his arms around Poe, pressing his lips to the top of his head. For a while, they just held each other. Poe could feel the tension in Hux's frame ebb. Eventually, Hux asked, "May I … entertain myself with you instead?"

Poe pulled back and blinked up at him in surprise. It was odd wording and he had no idea what Hux meant. "Yeah. Any time. You mean sexually? Right now?"

"Sex-?" Hux gave him a perplexed look. "No." He added another layer of mixed signals by picking up the bottle of massage oil. "Just p-playing." His fingers curled around the bottle tightly enough to compress the container.

Poe glanced at that, quietly noting Hux getting wound up again. "What do you want me to do?"

Hux didn't answer right away. With his free hand, he began to tug Poe's shirt up. Poe shifted and started to help. Hux said, "No. Not all the way off. Just some. Over your head. Leave it on your shoulders."

"What? How?"

"Hold still." Hux dropped the bottle and grabbed at Poe's arms to stop them. "I know what I want."

Poe smiled at Hux's exasperated tone. Hux pulled the shirt over his head, leaving it on his arms, and the connecting fabric over the back of his shoulders.

"Now, lie on your stomach."

"Yes sir," Poe said. He was starting to make sense of what Hux was doing. Hux rolled the fabric down his arms, binding him with it. Poe turned his head sideways to look back at Hux. "The dangerous, Force-using lunatic you're married to is tied up and helpless. At your disposal. Now what?"

Hux pushed him down into the mattress with what looked like mock petulance.

"You could stuff a sock in my mouth if I'm not supposed to talk," Poe offered. "I'd like it to be one of your socks though. Maybe your underwear."

Hux's brows rose. "Truly?"

Poe noted he'd succeeded in distracting and calming Hux down some. "Whatever turns you on. I wouldn't mind." He shifted his hands behind his back. "I'm not totally sure what my role is here."

Hux snorted. "Neither am I."

"You sound less tense already," Poe observed. "That's good."

Hux breathed out heavily and picked up the oil bottle again.

"You know, you've had me in handcuffs at least a half dozen times. You never seemed too interested in it."

Hux put on a sweet smile and kissed his cheek. "Why do you think you were always in handcuffs, my dear?" Poe's eyes widened. Hux continued, "Rey was never in restraints when she was aboard. Did you think my authority so much less than Ren's, that I could not, over all those months, have made an exception for you?"

Poe curled his lips between his teeth and chewed them, then rubbed his face on the mattress as he felt his skin heat. Not only had he been played for Hux's amusement, but he'd been on unknowing display the whole time. He could only imagine what kind of rumors had swirled in the First Order because of that – rumors Hux had apparently followed avidly and not shared with Poe. Possibly because he liked them.

Hux said primly, "There were other reasons, of course. It was useful to me to have people think our relationship was unequal. Parading you through the corridors in binders was a good way to do it. I would never have acted on it, but I did appreciate the view."

"Oh boy, yeah," Poe said with a throaty chuckle. "You didn't happen to snag a pair of those cuffs on your way out of the Order, did you?"

"No." Hux ran his hands down the skin of Poe's shoulder and arm, then up and across his back. "I'm not sure I'd be willing to put them on you, anyway. I want the image of you being helpless before me, but never the reality." He nuzzled Poe's shoulder and whispered, "Never that. I want you to be strong. If this thing with the Force will empower you, then I will give that to you." Poe felt the bond between them shimmer open. Hux flinched away and was still.

Poe swallowed roughly. "I swear I didn't do that on purpose."

"I know." The bond fizzled out. Hux leaned in and did it again, pulling back when it triggered a second time.

"Oh," Poe said. "You're doing it. You … even said you were."

Hux nodded, coming back for a third, fourth, then fifth time.

Poe could see the concentration on Hux's face. "You're a wonderful partner, Hugs. You don't have to do all of this for me."

"I will not have you be less than your potential on my account."

The next time Hux bent to him, Poe felt that back-of-the-head awareness open and linger as Hux held still where he was bent over Poe's shoulder, eyes on his face. He lifted away. It stayed open. Poe could almost see things from Hux's perspective. It was a sort of hazy double-image. Hux leaned down and kissed him on the cheek this time. Lips still touching him, the bond broke.

Hux said, "That was intentional. It's like … tying a knot with my toes. It's difficult to get the muscles to work the right way."

"I'm going to be hopeless at that."

"Then you should try it yourself."

"Not now. You need to practice more. I don't want yesterday to happen again. You need to be able to end it, especially if I can't." He chuckled and wriggled on the bed. "I think the most important thing I can do right now is lay here and let you have your way with me. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, but only because you're so sweet."

Hux tried to snort, but ended up laughing as well.

"That is such a lovely sound, Hugs. But hey, you don't just do it once and tell me it's my turn here."

"I did not 'just do it once'," Hux said with faux indignation. " _You_  had me take off in an aircar without any simulation time." Hux petted him casually.

"That thing has all kinds of safety systems. They're not like an x-wing or a TIE fighter. You have to really work to crash most civilian craft."

"If you say so." Hux climbed astride Poe's lower back, his hands on his shoulders. The pressure on his lumbar region was uncomfortable.

"Sit on my butt."

"What?"

"My rear end," Poe said. "If you sit further up my spine like that, it hurts."

"Ah." Hux moved. He stroked Poe's arms, then held his forearms.

Poe stiffened as something else happened mentally. He had a sudden, clear impression that Hux's eyes were shut, which was a weird thing to think.

 _Do you hear me?_  Hux thought to him.

"Yes." Poe unintentionally echoed it mentally and cringed a little in concern that any kind of projection would set something off. If Hux minded, he didn't indicate it. Hux didn't think it, either, which was intriguing to Poe that he just knew that without trying or asking for the information. It was just there.

Hux asked,  _Do you feel me?_

Something touched the core of Poe's being, like a hand on his soul even though Hux's hands were both accounted for, still holding his forearms. Poe's skin prickled. "Yes, yes," he said breathily, remembering Kylo Ren doing something like this, except with Kylo it had been painful. With Hux it just felt strange, like discovering he had nerves inside his gut (beyond the normal ones, of course).

_I won't do that again._

"You can," Poe said. He twitched as the mental contact ended abruptly. "That was weird, though."

"I may at some other point. I don't need to and certainly not now. There is obviously a degree of finesse with this that I am, as of yet, lacking. Snoke might have had centuries of practice by the time he got to me." He stretched to retrieve the massage oil, dispensed some, and set to rubbing it between his hands. "I- Can you get your hands out of the shirt? I didn't think about that before putting this on my hands."

"Sure." Poe rotated his wrists and wriggled out without much trouble. Hux would have had to have kept hold of the shirt for it to remain an effective restraint (and even then, it was a shirt, not binders). Loose now, he slipped it off and put his hands to his sides. He looked back for a moment. "Is this still part of entertaining yourself with me?"

"Yes." He was looking at his hand and despite the mental contact seeming 'shut', Poe could still tell that was where Hux's attention was, and not on what Poe had said. "This is also slimy," Hux said, confirming what Poe had noticed. He didn't sound repulsed, just surprised, and that, too, Poe was fairly sure of. "Like the fish."

"It's massage oil. It's oily."

"I see that."

"What did you think it was? I've put that stuff all over you a couple times now."

"Well, only on my back. I thought it was a gel."

"It-" Poe had no idea how that made a difference, but it wasn't his hang-up. "Okay. If the texture bothers you, just rub it into my skin. It won't feel the same."

Hux kept rubbing it back and forth between his hands for a few moments, saying nothing as he did.

Poe got comfortable. "I'm getting a really clear read of your emotions. I don't know if you mean to be sending that."

Hux snorted. "My 'emotions'? What am I feeling at the moment? I didn't think I was having emotions."

"Um, interest, disgust, wonder, curiosity."

Hux went still.

"Wariness. Caution. Concern. Surprise. … Love."

Without a word, Hux drizzled oil on Poe's back and then spread it across him. He'd never given anyone anything close to a massage, so his first motions were awkward as he worked out how much pressure to apply, where and where not to. Poe made happy groans when he found the right spots and was silent when he didn't. Hux caught on so quickly that Poe was fairly sure he was getting more feedback than the noises.

Poe asked, "Do you feel anything from me?"

"You're enjoying this and not just pretending. Not much more than that. But at the moment, I'm trying to … block."

"It's not working. But all I'm getting is feelings, not thoughts."

"You were getting feelings days ago. It doesn't concern me if you know how I feel."

Softly, Poe asked, "What are you afraid of?"

There was a long pause. "Losing myself."

"Can that happen?"

Hux's hands stopped on him and retreated so only his fingertips were touching. "I- I don't- It-"

"It's okay. You don't have to answer. I can feel that." It was fear and a restless sort of energy, maybe with anger lurking behind it.

"I'm just being childish. It doesn't matter." Hux sat up, withdrawing his hands entirely.

"Uh, I beg to differ. You're an adult. You have good reasons to be upset about how you've been treated by people using the Force. And it does matter."

Now Hux's anger flared to the forefront, with the sort of intensity Poe would have expected to accompany blows. After several beats of sitting on him stiffly, Hux dismounted. He put up the bottle of oil and went to the bathroom. Poe sat and picked up his shirt, listening while Hux washed his hands. Hux came out and moved to the luggage crate where he kept his clothes. "I would like to be done with this session."

"Okay," Poe answered.

Hux pulled on a shirt. "I want to be alone."

"Okay," Poe said softly, because that gave him a pang of deep insecurity. "Will you tell me if it was something I said, so I can not say it next time?"

"If I say I'm being childish, don't argue with me! I know-" He cut himself off from getting loud. "I know how I am. Don't talk to me. I'm upset."

Poe said nothing. He raised his brows, not sure whether to be amused or concerned about being essentially told to shut up. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to leave or if Hux was going to. And now he wasn't allowed to talk, so he couldn't ask.

Apparently, neither, as Hux burst out, "I can't be proper! I'm making things worse!"

Poe continued to say nothing. He ducked his head, but it was mostly to hide the smile he was trying to keep off his face.

A moment later, Hux came to him, climbing on bed and hugging him. Poe hugged him back. Hux mumbled into his neck, "I know I'm being ridiculous. Please don't mock me for it."

"I would never." Poe stroked his back. "But you need to know, I still think you're a funny guy."

Hux sighed. "Thank you for your patience. I felt that when it hurt you – that I wanted to be alone. I didn't mean I was going to leave you, but I won't say it again."

Poe nodded. "It's okay. I know. Sometimes you're going to need your space. We'll figure it out. I asked you what you were scared of. It's a scary subject, by definition. But it's over now. Session's over. Look, we got through it better than yesterday, right?"

Hux smiled at him and kissed Poe's cheek. "Yes. This was better."

"One step at a time," Poe said. "We've got this."


	34. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Day five after the wedding. Lunch. In town, at a bistro.

 

"You remember that nightmare you had last night?"

Hux nodded. He was navigating the continuing foreign landscape that was food outside the Order. In this case, Poe had ordered an appetizer of boiled seed pods called gavakka. One gripped the thing by the fibrous stem, dipped it into cheese sauce, and put the entire pod (other than the stem you were holding) within your mouth. Then you dragged the pod out between your teeth, which would force the seeds into your mouth while you scraped the cheese sauce off the husk with your teeth and lips. If you did it right.

Why they didn't mechanically separate the seeds from the husks and put them in a bowl with a light covering of sauce, served with a spoon, was beyond Hux. The people on Yavin IV (and probably the rest of the galaxy) seemed to go out of their way to have inconvenient food.

It tasted good, though. And gave them plenty of time to enjoy one another's company while making rude slurping noises. Perhaps that was the point, if he was to take any indication from the little emotional spike of amusement Poe gave off every time Hux made a weird noise.

"We were in mental contact then," Poe continued. Hux glanced up at him before turning his attention back to choosing the next pod to eat – short ones had bigger seeds and gave a better seed-to-sauce ratio. Longer ones gagged him, although he had to admit he'd tried more than one of those once he saw how interested Poe looked when he did. At the moment, though, Poe was talking, so Hux picked a short pod so as not to unnecessarily distract him. Poe said, "It didn't seem to bother you. Not like this morning. Do you know why that was?"

"I was half asleep."

"Huh." Poe looked off, pondering that. The edge of Poe's thoughts tickled at Hux's awareness. It had been going on like that all day. Poe went on, "Yesterday, you were meditating when it happened. Last night, asleep. So what was different this morning? You were really upset."

"I wasn't upset the entire time this morning. I was upset yesterday, too."

"I know, but not at first. It started because you were relaxed. Like when I tried to massage you this morning, every time you'd start to relax, the bond would open, you'd tense up, it would close." Poe tilted his head and pointed at him with the pod in his hand. "I guess I have to get you relaxed. And keep you that way. That's how you were last night."

"If you want me relaxed, I could get drunk," Hux offered. "Although I tend to be less inhibited when inebriated."

Poe frowned disapprovingly. "The Force and compromised mental states? Doesn't sound like a good combination."

Hux shrugged. "We could still try a drink or two for me to take the edge off. Not enough to be impaired."

Poe made an agreeable shrug in return. "Okay. But we had a really successful moment there last night after that dream, no alcohol involved. That tells me getting upset isn't automatic. It's keying off something else."

"I hope you're not suggesting I'm making a decision to be an agitated mess."

"No, I'm not. But something's happening that is agitating you. I'm trying to work out what it is."

Their meals arrived before Hux could answer. He had three objects called woolly pucks, each consisting of a light green leaf wrapped around steaming meat and finely diced vegetables. His understanding was the name of the dish referred to the defecate of a native animal called a woolamander. Hux had been inundated by enough bizarre food with equally perplexing labels over the past week that he'd ceased to care too much what they called it as long as it tasted good. Poe had promised this would and it did.

They ate for a while in silence. Poe glanced at him a few times. The focus of his attention translated in Hux's mind as Poe waiting for Hux to respond, which he did after finishing the first puck. Hux said, "I don't believe this mystery is all that complicated. When I'm awake and fully present, and I know I am the center of your mental focus, my thoughts go to similar experiences with Snoke. They are unpleasant experiences. I get upset."

Poe finished chewed his current tamale. "I suppose asking you not to think of Snoke wouldn't help."

"No." Hux began to eat his second leaf thing. "It would not. Not only am I not in control of what the situation reminds me of, I am also not going to police my thoughts for your comfort. We've gone over that." The last came out in a challenging tone.

Poe gave him a steady, unoffended look. "Right."

Hux calmed. "It's just going to take repetition."

"Sometimes I worry this is traumatizing you all over again."

"That's making it sound more dramatic than it calls for." Hux gave him a sour look and toyed with his third puck. "If you think I'm traumatized by our interactions, then you have a poor idea of what I've been through. Sometimes things are difficult. This is the normal course."

Poe gave him another steady, searching look.

"Are you reading my thoughts?" Hux asked suddenly.

Poe straightened. "No. No, I'm not." They looked at each other for a moment – Poe uncertain; Hux calculating. Poe asked, "Wouldn't you be able to tell?"

"I don't know. I catch bits of yours. I have been all day. You haven't mentioned it."

Poe swallowed and licked his lips. "Uh … yeah. It's been happening that way for me, too. I wasn't sure if that would make you nervous."

"No. It does not." He took another bite of his food.

Poe chewed his lips. "So … I wasn't reading your mind."

"It wouldn't bother me if you did."

"It wouldn't?"

Hux shrugged. "Ren did it constantly. As did Snoke. It's not something I'm unaccustomed to."

Poe sighed and grimaced.

Hux glanced at him and pushed over his datapad. He pointed at the last property they'd looked at. "This one just came on the market yesterday. It doesn't look like it would take as much refurbishment as the one we've made an offer on. I think we should take a look at it just in case the offer falls through."

Poe looked from it to Hux, grimacing again. "That sounds like a good idea. We've got the afternoon free anyway."

"With our mutual inexperience in construction, we should consider that there may be refurbishments needed that neither of us are aware of, regardless of which property we end up with. We could also spend our time visiting existing businesses to be sure."

"Gather intelligence on the enemy? I like it."

"And samples. The flavors that are popular here have not ceased to amaze me."


	35. Gem Crystals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Day five after the wedding. Evening.
> 
> Warning: Suicide mention (original character, off screen, few details). Fantasy discussion of Hutt-sex (more details than you probably want, although they're not necessarily true).

 

Poe set his blaster on the desk next to Hux's and said, "You're still keeping that locked all the time even after the weapons are out of it? What's in there other than clothes?"

Hux gave Poe a long, considering look as he held the luggage crate's recently-opened lid upright. He had not, so far, said much of his resources or what he might have brought with him from his previous life. "The general rule is that you keep secrets by not telling anyone about them. Which worked until my thoughts were laid bare by the Force."

"I'm not reading your mind. I'm not asking you to tell me anything."

"You may not be reading my mind, but you are asking," Hux said.

Poe sat on the bed to pull on his pajama bottoms. "No, what I mean is you don't  _have_  to tell me anything. I was  _just_  asking."

"Which is asking."

Poe shook his head, rolled his eyes in a good-natured way, and threw up his hands helplessly.

Hux sighed and relented. "Yes, I recognize that an expression of idle curiosity is not the same as trying to manipulate me into a disclosure, but you're still asking. Admit it." He looked at Poe pointedly.

"Yes, you're right. You got me. I was asking." He buttoned up his shirt and looked equally pointedly at the crate Hux was still holding open.

"Good," Hux said with smug amusement. "As long as we're clear on that."

Poe chuckled. "As long as we're being clear with each other, I'd still  _like_  to know what's in there, whether you tell me or not."

Hux regarded him for a moment, then turned to move a few shirts to the side. He pulled a security box from the bottom of the luggage crate, gripping the handle firmly until something inside it clicked. He handed the box to Poe. "This is why I keep it locked."

Poe looked from it to Hux, then opened the box. It was full of data crystals and a handful of other natural crystals. The data crystals were about the cross-section of a chance cube and four times as tall. He pulled one out and looked at it. "That's a lot more data storage than you'd need for a few hundred Force users."

"They contain the compiled knowledge of the Empire and the Order. Or what of it I could fit on them." Hux pulled out the set of pajamas he'd been looking for, then shut the luggage crate and sat on it.

"Really?" Poe's brows drew together as he poked at the rest of the crystals in the box. "This is what now?"

"What you're touching there are kyber crystals. As for the data crystals – Grand Moff Tarkin pulled together everything he thought was critical to the success and survival of the Empire in one grand project called the Tarkin Initiative." Hux put on his pajama bottoms, sitting back down after.

Poe nodded. "I've heard of it. That was stored on Scarif. The Death Star plans were included in that."

"Yes."

Poe looked at the one in his hand. "I've heard the story of Rogue One. They were heroes."

"Dead heroes," Hux said blandly. He put on his top.

Poe's emotions jolted. He looked up at Hux with a start, then back at the crystal in his hand. "Yavin IV wouldn't be here if Jyn Erso and the others hadn't stolen those plans." He wrapped his fist around the one he was holding and squeezed.

Hux pursed his lips and leaned forward tensely. "Right," Hux said crossly. "Without those plans, you would have surrendered. With them, you fought, and everyone on the so-called Death Star died."

Poe looked at him, studying Hux's posture and expression. He slipped the crystal into the box, shut it, and handed it back. "They were targeting the planet," he said with another roll of his eyes.

Hux cradled the box. "Because you hadn't surrendered. 'Surrender or die' is not that difficult a concept."

"Sometimes people would rather fight than live under tyranny." Poe said it like it was self-evident and easy – the 'right' choice that anyone reasonable would see and agree with.

"How delightful that they had that opportunity." Hux barely parted his teeth to say that. Scorn was heavy in his voice.

"What are you getting at? We must be on totally different pages here. The Empire wasn't giving us a choice."

"You had a choice! You  _always_  had a choice! You're just refusing to acknowledge the options as valid. For anyone! I've spent most of my life 'living under tyranny' and it is both survivable and preferable to the alternative. The entire First Order has. Are you saying we should have risen up in rebellion against our leaders, no better than the Resistance?"

Poe opened his mouth, so obviously about to say 'yes' that Hux was already leaping ahead in his mind to marshal his arguments. Hux drew in a breath to fuel him. But instead, Poe swallowed down his automatic response and surprised him by saying, "You value duty above all."

The angry words dissolved in Hux's mind. He remembered telling Kes that at the gala, with Poe standing by, listening. He'd heard it. He's remembered it. Hux was still defensive when he insisted, "Yes, I do."

Poe looked down, nodding, and keeping his mouth shut.

Hux exhaled and looked around the room, at the ceiling, the walls, and anywhere but at Poe. If he slowed down his own surging emotions, he could feel Poe's. They were calmer and introspective. Thoughtful even as they were stinging with a little hurt. It was embarrassing. "I suppose I should drop the subject and move on."

Poe shook his head, still looking down. "No. Say whatever you want to say."

Hux snorted and snarled a little, "That's like your father telling me to mention whatever I wanted to mention. What does it even mean?"

Poe looked up at him. "It means, 'say your piece.'"

"I don't know what to say," Hux snapped in alarm, angry and raising his voice as he continued, "I don't get to say what I want to say! That's ridiculous!"

"You're not in the Order anymore," Poe said quietly, as though purposefully moving his volume in the opposite direction. "What would you say, if you could say anything at all?"

"I'm too loud," Hux said, pursing his lips. "Again."

"I'd rather you were loud than have you say nothing at all." Hux was silent, watching him warily even though he knew it was stupid to think this was a trap of some kind. Poe wasn't that way and Hux knew it, but the defensiveness was a hard habit to give up. Poe went on calmly, "If you have more to say, I want to hear it. You've already brought up two very good points I need to keep in mind – not everyone has the same values, and the Rebels  _chose_  to rebel. Which is obvious from the fact that most of the Empire didn't, but it's not the way I usually think of it."

Hux set aside his box and finally said, "If I were able to say anything to you?"

"Anything."

Hux frowned. "I would tell you the story of Admiral Halcor. He was witness to Snoke venting his frustrations – he killed one person, injured another – for a mission failed due to poor intelligence and a bad response to changing conditions. But not actual incompetence. As Halcor told me when we left – any of us could have made that mistake. I told him, 'You are right. All we can do is be thankful we did not.'"

Hux exhaled heavily. "I suppose I should have been more empathetic. I found him dead by his own blaster the next morning. I had Lt. Sharhel with me, because one doesn't go barging into another's quarters without a witness. She suggested I conceal it." Hux laughed bitterly. "No. We concealed it from the general run, of course, but someone had to explain to Snoke that one of his admirals had made the 'choice' not to continue with his duty, due possibly to my callous last words to him.

"What Halcor did was treason. It was also a personal betrayal. Halcor knew someone would have to make a report and he'd already seen what happened to those who delivered news Snoke was not inclined to hear. He knew it would be  _me_. The honorable, the  _required_ , thing to do is to continue to serve as best one is able, until relieved by one's superior. The Rebellion, the Resistance? It's a short-sighted, fundamentally selfish act.

"I know how attractive it is. I sided with Ren after he assassinated Snoke. Doing so was wrong and I knew that even when I acquiesced. It was illegal. I knew from the start Ren was a violent usurper who would eventually have to go. I let my personal feelings cloud my judgment. The Battle of the  _Supremacy_ , a civil war in the Order, was due to my weakness."

Hux studied Poe with hard eyes, daring him to say something critical. Poe looked like not a single critical thought had occurred to him. He looked riveted, if anything. Hux sagged, tired of it all suddenly. "I don't think you want to hear any of that, though."

"Actually … I do," Poe answered. "And I need to. You know that?"

Hux exhaled heavily. "Yes. You've always listened. I do you a disservice to imply you have not."

Poe shrugged and teased, "You said the important people didn't listen to you before. So I suppose that means I'm an important person to you now."

Hux gave him a rueful smile.

Poe went on, "We aren't going to stay on different pages. Only the living will listen, remember? I don't know what the right or wrong thing to do is there, but it sets off a chain of consequences a person really needs to think about. Leia was trying to tell me the same thing, about dead heroes. The politics between us is a subject I've been avoiding and … I think it's good you've got it started."

"Thank you for … averting the confrontation we were about to have. It wouldn't have helped. We can talk more about it some other time. Perhaps you are right and I am transferring my resentment of others to you. I will … watch myself for that more closely."

Poe nodded. "I've never been in a relationship with anyone this long, other than, like, friendship. Just keep that in mind. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Neither do I." Hux added, "I am humbled by how open-minded you are."

"Oh, trust me," Poe said with a hollow laugh, "it was a hard lesson. And I'm still learning it. You're pretty open-minded yourself, Hugs. You'd have to be to marry someone like me."

"Ah," Hux said airily, trying to be flirty, "you would have never let me alone if I hadn't." He leaned back braced on the crate with one arm behind him, the other hand on his thigh. Poe's eyes roamed over him, but he said and did nothing. Hux let his knees spread a few inches, met Poe's eyes, and raised his brows slightly.

The signaling worked. Poe stood and moved forward, sidling between Hux's knees. He raised his hands slowly and threaded them into Hux's hair. Hux sighed and straightened to press his face to Poe's chest. Hux murmured, "I was really going to argue with you there for a moment. I was all wound up."

"I saw that." Poe chuckled, scratching lightly at Hux's scalp. "I remember telling you that if I put you in the position that you felt the only thing left to do was open fire on me, then tell me to knock it off. It applies to talking about things, too. Because we don't have to fight. I can see where you're coming from. You have the most fascinating points of view on things."

"I much prefer this to fighting," Hux said. He put his hands on Poe's sides and stroked up and down, each pass going further around to Poe's back.

"Oh yeah," Poe purred. "So do I." Poe leaned over to snag a comb off the dresser and began to comb Hux's hair. "You've been tense all day. It's okay. The new is wearing off. And this Force thing … I just hope you still want me at the end of it."

"Fear not." Hux felt up and down his back, feeling the muscles shifting under the fabric. He considered running his hands under the pajama top, but didn't. This felt nice enough as it was. His forehead rested against Poe's lower chest, which probably interfered with the combing, but Hux didn't want to move. It was very … physical, Hux decided. Warm. Intimate. Comfortable. "I want even the smell of you."

Poe replaced the comb on the dresser and tickled the nape of Hux's neck.

Hux leaned back with a sigh, looking up at him – dark eyes, friendly face, the customary stubble Poe had by evening. Poe's hand slid around to cup Hux's neck. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over Hux's three-day or so beard growth. Annoyingly, it seemed like little more than what Poe managed in a day. Hux smirked.

Poe lifted his brows in question. "Something bothers you?"

Hux explained, "I'm jealous of the way your darker hair stands out against the skin of your face. Mine blends with my skin too much to show for now. Snoke nagged me mercilessly about my vanity." Hux sighed, but not unhappily. "Eventually I took it as a badge of pride. He stopped criticizing me over it after that, which was an interesting lesson in the value of owning my weaknesses."

"How you look is something to be proud of, that's for sure." Poe looked from Hux's lips to eyes and back to his lips, then bent down. Obviously it was for a kiss, but Poe stopped short. "Do I need to ask verbally?"

"No." Hux leaned up the last few inches. Poe groaned in pleasure. Hux ran his hand up and down Poe's hip, then over to his groin as they parted. Unsurprisingly, he was hard.

"You're so sexy," Poe said as though in apology.

"I guess I am," Hux answered with a smile. "And you're quite dirty-minded. I've been sensing it all day." He ran the back of his fingers up and down the silky fabric that covered the bulge, pleased that just a few moments of holding him could get Poe like this.

"I've been with  _you_  all day," Poe said huskily. "But I think it was the politics that got me going."

"Politics? I hardly mentioned it. I seem to remember you saying something about it months ago." He fondled the head of Poe's penis through the thin pajama bottoms, feeling the man's desire spike.

Poe gave a shiver and moved his hips. "I'm into all the weird stuff, Hugs."

"Oh really?"

"Uh-huh. You wanna find out?"

Hux looked at him with open curiosity, cupping Poe's penis and rolling his hand back and forth on it gently. He doubted Poe was telling the truth about being sexually aroused by political discussions, but something was there. He could feel Poe's honest, naked lust for him. Finally, he said, "Yes."

"Let's move this to the bed then," Poe suggested breathily.

Hux made a show of considering it. "Hm. Let me replace my priceless treasures in the crate first." He gave Poe's hips a nudge so Poe backed up, letting Hux rise, turn, and stow the box of crystals. He joined Poe on the bed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Think you can tell me a bedtime story?" Poe waggled his brows. He had the massage oil with him. "A sexy bedtime story?"

"Yes." Hux drew the word out. "About politics?"

"I have something a little different in mind. We can come back to politics some other time." Poe slid an arm under the small of Hux's back and cuddled up to him, with Poe's head at Hux's upper belly. He dropped the oil bottle to unbutton the bottom portion of Hux's shirt.

Hux carded through his hair, glad to put aside the tension of potential conflict. Poe's lust was a simple thing to satisfy. It was the surprisingly easy exchange of such affections between them that most stirred Hux's love. There was an underlying tension between them he hoped this would dispel. "What  _do_  you have in mind, then?"

"Mmm." Poe pressed his face to Hux's bared skin. "Kinky stuff. I've been thinking about how good you are with dirty talk. I want you to tell me what it feels like to touch a Hutt."

Hux's hand stopped. His face froze. "A … Hutt?"

"Yeah." Poe pulled back enough to look up at him. Hux plastered an awkward smile on his face. Poe said, "All the weird stuff, Hugs. You fell on Marsa the Hutt a couple months ago. Tell me about it. I always wanted to touch one, but," he shrugged a shoulder, "it's rude. You fell on one. On accident. You remember, right?"

"Of course, I do. You're going to masturbate to that?"

Poe grinned shamelessly. "You look more stunned than I've ever seen you look."

"Because I am," Hux said. He blinked and looked away, breathing out heavily as he regained his bearings. Poe leaned back in to nuzzle confidently at Hux's belly. He recovered the oil bottle and held it. Hux began speaking. "I … fell on her, yes. I stepped back as … I forget his name … passed in front of me and I felt my heel come down on something. I thought it was  _her_  because she had her tail curled around in front of her and kept twitching it around on the floor between us.

"So I shifted my weight and tried to step back further, but I tripped over Derest's foot and lost my balance. As it turned out, the whole thing was only caused by a dropped, wadded napkin, but I didn't know that. I fell on her … front section. Under her right arm, partly against what I suppose is her ribcage and the beginning of her … tail? I've never inquired after the correct labels for Hutt anatomy."

"Can you make it sexy?" Poe whispered, still lipping at Hux's abdomen.

Hux gave the top of Poe's head a semi-mortified look. Poe had to be feeling how scandalized he was. He wondered if Poe was getting off to that as well. It seemed harmless. Funny, even. It was so deliciously base, an affront to propriety that Hux was simultaneously repulsed and titillated by. Hux breathed out heavily again as he looked away. "Yes. Let me gather my thoughts." Poe used the moment to dispense some oil onto his hand and put it inside his pajamas.

Hux began again. His voice was softer, huskier this time. "She was nude, as most Hutts are. She wore decorations around her neck and what shoulders she had, but the rest of her was naked. Her skin was soft. You wouldn't think that from looking, because it looks bumpy and irregular, but it was … yielding to my touch. Pliant. Supple, even."

"Yeah," Poe said, working himself.

Hux grinned, shook his head once in disbelief that he was participating in something this perverse, and continued in the same tone, "Her dermis was understandably thicker than it would be for a human. It was padded and resilient, but underneath it was muscle, firm and strong. She was a powerful creature. She was brawny, like she was one great thew underneath that squashy covering."

"Ha. Strength is good."

"Oh, she was mighty. That was certain. A single flex of her tail nearly put me back on my feet. She was so startled by my fall. If I'd been expecting it, it would have stood me right up. As it was, I only fell again. Both of my hands were on her. Did know their skin, or at least hers, it was almost velvety in the dry section I touched? It felt like … like my penis. Smooth, impossibly soft. Satiny. It was luxurious. No wonder you're asking about it. The very feel of her was erotic."

"Uh-huh."

"But most of her was slick. She had a perfumed gel applied, if you will recall. Part of why I was so upset by the whole thing was how vulgar it felt to touch her. How salacious and lewd. Then the odor clung to me. It was fragrant. Rich. Exotic." Hux practically purred, "You liked it, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah." Poe's hand was moving much faster now.

"It turned you on to smell it on me, didn't it? A redolent, musky scent with an undertone of sex to it. Alien. Foreign. Strange. You were in such a hurry to get your hands on me in that shower, to press yourself against me and breathe in the sillage left on my body."

"Fuck," Poe panted. "I don't even know what that means, but it's  _terrific_."

"You are such a pervert, Poe," Hux whispered to him with dark amusement. "You're an absolute degenerate. I love you. You're so disgusting and coarse. It makes me feel wonderful."

Poe started laughing. "Stop that. I can't- that's … go back to the Hutt part."

"Ah yes, that's what you want to think about, is it? Being rolled over by some massive worm-like creature, squirmed on by that robust body, undulating on top of you like an enormous, lusty lover, moist skin pressing across your entire body like a huge tongue."

"Uh …" That seemed to be doing it for him again.

"You could rut up against any part of her. I have no idea what the sex organs of Hutts are like, but you'd know. You'd find out. The two of you could-"

Poe's breathing changed to ragged gasps. He gripped Hux more firmly around the hip, pressing the side of his face into Hux's stomach.

Hux reached down to take Poe's chin, tilting it up. "Let me see you come undone. Let me see it in your eyes as you surrender to your body. Helpless. Willing. Mine. Poe Dameron."

Poe stared at him, mouth open as he breathed heavily. His pupils were dilated. His hips made spasmodic jerks as he came. But as directed, Poe never took his eyes off Hux's.

"You want perverted?" Hux whispered to him, bending closer. "This is better than anything I ever saw on the torture tapes. You're so defenseless like this, at my mercy. So open. So honest. Gasping with need and desperate for release. You're that way when you come and that is  _magnificent_  – no torture required. I suppose that applies to anyone, really, but you put yourself in my hands, literally. My husband. You're so eager for what I do to you." Hux smiled wickedly. "How can I say no?"

Poe recovered himself somewhat, a loose grin forming on his face. He nodded a couple times. "I  _am_  tripping your trigger then. That's so good to know. It's not sadism; it's the power play. You're getting everything you need, aren't you? I  _feel_  that." Poe's eyes slid out of focus, like he was turning all his attention to something unseen. " _Fuck_."

Hux caressed Poe's chin as the man continued to pant and look blown by whatever he was sensing. "I've been telling you that all along. Even the Force tells you." He moved his hand away. "But tonight? This  _ridiculous_  fantasy?" Hux rolled his eyes. His belly clenched in laughter Poe wouldn't have known was happening if he hadn't been up against him.

Poe chuckled a little as well. "That wasn't too strange, was it? It felt like you were enjoying that, too."

"It was bizarre! I've never had to imagine anything that indecorous! You made me think that with my own brain cells!"

Poe snickered into Hux's belly. "I had to shake you out of that anxiety you had going on. This is better, right?"

"Yes, this is better. So you chose that on purpose to manipulate me?" Hux tousled Poe's hair. "I suppose I should feel troubled, either that you're duplicitous like that or that I need such measures, but all I feel at the moment is pleased with you."

"I'm glad I could take your mind off the things that have been bothering you." Poe stretched and sighed. "By the way – I have to know - was any of that even true, about Marsa?"

"You think I would lie to you about something like this?"

"Uh-huh." Poe nodded guiltlessly.

Hux laughed more. "Most was true, except there wasn't any dry portion of her skin. It was all … oily. They have a sort of expandable skin, I guess. It was something like a flaccid penis. She was very squishy. I'm sure they have bones in there somewhere, but I didn't feel any. Are Hutts hermaphroditic?"

"Um … I've heard that, but I don't know if it's true or not. I suppose I should look it up. Now I'm going to ask you again because I notice you didn't actually answer me and I'm not going to trust this to a feeling – was that too weird for you?"

"No, it was not." Hux tousled Poe's hair again. "I invite you to have me tell you about whatever depravity you care to hear, as long as all I need do is talk about it. It would help if you'd give me some advance notice of the subject in case it requires research. That will make it easier for me to incorporate details." He caressed the soft skin behind Poe's ear and down the side of his neck. "The more I think about it, as a way to address my anxieties, it's delightful. Do as you will with me, Poe."

"Good." Poe sprawled, adjusting himself in his pajama bottoms. "I think you should tell me about … contract terms next time. You know a lot about those, right?"

Hux's brows drew together in perplexity. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather hear about actuarial tables? Perhaps there are some engineering principles I could bore you with. You really are demented, don't you know?" But he was pleased by that, not upset.

Poe laughed. "Any of those, sure. I think it sounds like fun. I want to have fun with you. I want to see you make that face. I want to hear you laugh. I want to feel you be so happy and think to myself that I'm the one who made you feel that way."

Hux's expression warmed to reflect the adoration he was sensing. "Poe Dameron, you are a gem."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The interest in Hutts was actually from actor Diego Luna, not Oscar Isaac, but I've repurposed it here. Hutts in canon have two sexes, but in the Expanded Universe, they were hermaphroditic. Their skin has been described in different sources as leathery, slimy, or oily. I'm thinking more along the lines of the skin of a male turkey's head/neck and if you've never felt that, you really ought to. Or imagine a lumpy, flaccid penis and it's about the same thing. Not really sexy – just really weird. Perfect for an alien.


	36. Dirty Laundry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is also an in-joke for myself, because one of the early chapters (Safe Zone) with Kes talking to Poe, he asked Poe where Hux learned to fold clothes if he was a general/grand marshal, son of a commandant, etc. But this part was lost in revisions. It amuses me to be able to bring things like that back. Also, the reason it was cut in the first place was because Poe didn't know, so it was just useless text posing a question I then didn't answer. Here, it gets answered.

 

"Why do you have four pairs of pajama bottoms in the laundry and only two tops?" Kes asked as he sorted his clean clothes from that of Hux and Poe. "Did you miss the other two tops?"

"No. I come in my pants a lot," Poe said, totally straight-faced. "That's why we're doing laundry. I'm out of pajama bottoms."

Kes blinked at him. Hux about-faced and disappeared into the hallway. Poe grinned and glanced after him, then back to Kes with a smug look.

"You are a constant embarrassment to him," Kes said with a chuckle. "But seriously, what's going on?"

Poe lowered his voice a little. "Actually, that is seriously what's going on." Kes gave him a perplexed look, so Poe added, "I know he said at the wedding that we didn't do anything, but we do things. They just don't involve me-"

"No, I'm good," Kes interrupted. "I don't want details. As long as it's working for both of you, that's all that matters."

"It's working." Poe glanced back again, but Hux had apparently gone off to hide in the bedroom. Poe turned back. "He's very sweet," Poe said softly. "I love him more every day."

Smiling, Kes nodded and handed Poe the basket of his clothes and Hux's. "I heard him yelling again last night and yesterday morning. Is that how it is with him?"

"I've never lived with him before. I guess it is? What did you hear?"

Kes shook his head. "Last night? Just something about it being ridiculous. He didn't sound angry, just yelling. So I left it alone."

"Yeah, do that. Please. When he gets wound up, sometimes it comes out as raising his voice. He's aware. He's trying to tone it down. I don't care how loud he is, as long as he gets this stuff off his chest. He's not yelling  _at_  me. He's just yelling. The culture of the Order was kind of … emotionally constipated."

"Yeah, okay." Kes shrugged and turned his attention to his own clothes while still talking. "I've been thinking about the Order. Them and the Empire - they were both farkle ticked in very different ways than what I'd expected. It's something I need to wrap my head around if this Senate thing is to work. There's a point at which you need to stop the bad guys, sure, but there's another point where you need to do something about bad guys being the ones who get into power. Which is harder because they're the ones who want it the most. The Order is a good example – Ben didn't want it, so he's out; Armitage didn't want it, now he's out. Most of those running for Senate right now want it. It worries me."

"I've had my turn looking like a hero," Poe said. "I'll help you however I can, but I'm enjoying what I'm doing right now."

Kes made a pointed look at the laundry basket. "I can tell you're enjoying it. We're going to do laundry separately from now on. You know that, right?"

Poe laughed it off, then carted his laundry basket to the bedroom, so he and Hux could fold and stow their clothes.

* * *

Poe upended the basket on the bed.

"You had to tell him?" Hux asked with exasperation.

Poe grinned at him. "Haven't you figured out I like shocking people? It's fun. You as much as him."

Hux shook his head and rolled his eyes good-naturedly. He dug in next to Poe, sorting clothes into separate piles by type and owner.

Poe asked, "Where'd you learn to fold clothes anyway?" Hux gave him a weird look, so Poe added, "You had droids for this in the Order, right?"

"Yes, but I didn't grow up with them!"

"You didn't? Why not?"

"You don't have a droid here," he said defensively. "You didn't grow up with one either. Why not?"

"Okay, I'll play - it doesn't make sense for a single family out in the middle of nowhere to have a laundry droid unless they're rich. But for a star destroyer or any big ship, and especially an academy full of kids, they have central facilities and dedicated droids because it's efficient. Finn didn't know how to fold clothes. Why do you?"

Hux gave a put-out huff. "Use of ship facilities requires being logged as a crew member, or at least a resident."

"You weren't?"

"Not as a child. And I wasn't so expert at navigating bureaucracy at that age to figure out how to solve the problem myself. I didn't even have regular quarters until we moved to the Downs. I slept wherever I could and learned how to keep up appearances on my own."

"What? What about your dad? I thought you were with him."

Hux gave him an odd look. "Do you really think I was going to sleep in the same room as him? I wouldn't have made the morn, assuming I ever fell asleep at all." He laughed. There was a bit of nerves under it.

Poe blinked at him, newly appalled to find Hux had been effectively homeless as a child.

"If I could have arranged it, Poe, I wouldn't even have been on the same ship with him. But I had to report to him daily unless he was unavailable. And of course my clothing needed to be in order at all times. It was a perfect arrangement for him. He could claim he had no idea what I was up to and although many didn't believe him, it was an effective first line of defense against the inevitable inquiries when his political opponents disappeared. As well, he didn't need to do anything to look after me."

"How did you  _eat?_ "

"I made do. Obviously."

Poe stood there holding a t-shirt forgotten in one hand until he dropped it. "Come here." He turned and hugged Hux tightly.

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me," Hux said, hugging him back gently.

"Too late," Poe murmured.

Hux sighed. Poe felt a kiss to the top of his head. "I rose to the highest position in the galaxy and, as you have told me, married the best man in it. No one need feel bad on my account."

"I'll feel bad for that little boy who had to figure out how to live on his own."

"I was hardly the only one, you know. I had a squad. We foraged as a group. I was responsible for them. It was good training for later. Why I know how important it is to have supplies."

"I'll feel bad for all of you." He could sense Hux was both exasperated by and desirous of Poe's concern, but Poe was fairly sure he'd never admit to the latter. Hux kissed Poe's head again. Poe asked, "What ever happened to them, anyway?"

Hux pulled away and returned to the laundry. "Some died. A few were executed. It was a dangerous line of work. The rest took different positions in the Order. The rumor that I killed them all is patently false, but I can hardly prove it without implicating them. As far as I know, they've all done the same as myself and never breathed a word of their past to anyone untrustworthy. Probably no one at all for most of them."

"You never told Phasma, Mitaka, Tritt? Anyone?"

"Some of the older members, like Tritt Opan, knew by default. If they were long associates of my father's, then they saw me as a child." He sighed. "Some of them still see me as a child."

Hux grimaced, but moved on. "Tritt was the one who showed me the many virtues of a monomolecular blade – light enough to be well-suited to a child's hand, easily concealable, no more snagging on bones or requiring brute strength to slice through … whatever I needed to slice through. I thought of it as my lightsaber."

Poe smiled. "That's sweet."

"Is it really?" Hux looked amused.

Poe shrugged. "My mother showed me how to do the L'ulo Stand – it's a tough flight maneuver – so I'd have a better chance at shooting people out of the sky with an x-wing. I couldn't have been more than eight. Now you tell me how that's different. There is no use for that maneuver except killing people."

Hux raised a brow in surprise and smiled slowly. "It's not. That's interesting that you see it that way. Finally." He was grudgingly impressed.

Poe shrugged again. "I'm a slow learner. But I'm getting there. Have you ever handled a real lightsaber?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Poe turned to face him directly when Hux didn't elaborate. "Go on. Spill. When, where, whose, all that stuff."

"Emperor Palp-" Hux cleared his throat. "Emperor Palpatine's."

"Emp- the emperor's? How the kriff did you get your hands on that?"

Hux sighed. "I don't know that it was his favorite. I assume he died with that one. But he left several in his chambers on the  _Eclipse_. They were probably gathered up from the execution of the Jedi. I don't know whose it was to start with. They ended up in my father's possession and I inherited them from him. I took one- when- Well."

Poe reached out to put a hand on Hux's forearm, but Hux pulled away and tried to speak again. "I took one to- when I had to- with Snoke." He frowned. Poe started to say something, hopefully to soothe him, but Hux waved a hand at him and tried a third time. "Snoke- I had to demonstrate feasibility for Starkiller. I took … a lightsaber with me. I didn't know how … he was. What he might like to see. And given it seemed my life might depend on it, I didn't want to find out too late that he was bored by long presentations. I thought it would-" He shook his head.

"You took a lightsaber to your second meeting with Snoke?" Poe covered his lower face with both hands, dragging them down over his mouth and peeking over them. "Is that the sort of thing he might have interpreted as an assassination attempt?"

"Yes." Hux swallowed and breathed uneasily. "He did. The fact that he could read my mind turned out to be a tremendous asset. You know, I had a blaster on my hip and a knife up my sleeve just as I had for the first meeting, so in my defense it's not like I had any reason to think there was anything different about bringing such a short-ranged melee weapon along with me."

"Oh, I can see that," Poe said. "But the Sith and the Jedi, they take their lightsabers a little differently."

"Yes. Apparently it means a great deal to them, symbolically. Snoke took it away from me." Hux was silent for a moment, as though there were more he wasn't able to say of that. "He paid sharp attention throughout my long presentation. Given the way he was at later presentations, that turned out to be rather singular.

"Later, he'd just pull the information out of my mind so he didn't have to sit through me organizing my thoughts and relaying them verbally. He never cared about the details anyway, once he trusted me. But he didn't trust me that day, so he … stayed very focused on me." Hux smiled tightly. "It was not an easy thing to get through. When one thinks one's life has already been forfeited due to one's mistake." He laughed now, a hopeless thing.

Poe offered him a hug and Hux allowed it this time. His emotional read wasn't exasperated at this – instead anxious, sad, and scared. Hux sighed. "Oh, I survived it. It may have even helped me. He said he was impressed by me. He didn't have any guards back then. It was just me and him in a room, me with the late emperor's weapon in hand. I never saw that expression on his face again." Hux laughed once more, but this time it was genuinely amused.

Poe chuckled along with him. "I bet you scared the crap out of him. Especially if he already knew you were Force-sensitive."

Hux pulled away from the embrace and started to put away his folded clothes. "I don't know what he knew. He never said. The lightsaber itself didn't seem like a good weapon. Too long, too dangerous to the user, too easy to slice through something unintentionally. You have to be so aware of the blade that it's hard to pay proper attention to your target. I toyed with it once, took out a table on accident, then never again. I've disassembled a few in the course of research for Starkiller. They're simple enough devices. It's the kyber that's the heart of it."

"Why did you have kyber crystals in that box you showed me this morning?"

"Contingencies."

"Did they come from Jedi lightsabers?"

"No. The ones in the box were freshly mined. I selected them myself. Something happens to the ones used in lightsabers. According to what writings I could find on the subject, they're 'attuned' by the one who constructs the saber, whatever that means. For my projects, only the raw ones worked and generally only the raw ones I extracted, which was tedious and strange. I never could understand why the miners couldn't do it right, but Snoke said it was routine. I know the Jedi always harvested their own. My attempts to repurpose a crystal already used in a lightsaber proved unstable. But I could get the raw ones to work after some calibration."

Poe gave him a tight, odd smile.

"What's that about?" Hux asked. "You feel smug."

"You attuned the raw crystals to  _you_ , Hugs. That's how it works."

"I did not! That's mystical claptrap. I was using laboratory equipment. How would you know anything about crystal attunement?" There was a lot about Hux's disgust that wasn't authentic.

Poe scratched at one of his eyebrows, finding that emotional read very intriguing. "Yeah, how would I? I only watched Rey put hers together, she read me the original books about spiritual resonance, and I talked to Finn about that ritual she did with Kylo. He was really upset about it. But that's just 'mystical claptrap' that doesn't mean anything." Poe laughed.

Hux sighed and scoffed. "Fine, you know something. I was on the other end of that. Did you know that?"

"On the other end of what?"

"I was in a meeting with Ren when that ritual began. Whatever they were doing rattled the entire star destroyer. I thought it possible the ship would go. Lightning was coming off him, but it never hit me."

"Huh. That's neat. What did it look like?"

"Much more impressive than anything I ever did in the lab, assuming he was attuning the crystals, or helping her do the same. They glowed. Power arced off him. He seemed to be under a great deal of strain. It looked like he held a tangible object, or two of them. If he did, that would be an interesting feat, to transfer a physical thing through the Force." Hux looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't know that it happened or not, however. It looked like it did, but they were so bright I couldn't tell for sure. He never gave me much of an explanation for it."

Poe tilted his head. "So you acknowledge that what you were doing in the lab was attunement?"

"I do not!" The outrage didn't feel real.

"I don't think you're telling the truth." Poe was certain of it.

Hux scoffed again and said nothing.

"Let me ask you something," Poe said. "In that lab you worked in – did anyone else ever calibrate those crystals?"

"It was a very delicate operation!" Again with the false outrage.

"Uh-huh. One thing you do when you're lying is you stop answering the question. Like you said – a lie by omission is less dishonorable."

Hux sighed melodramatically. "You and your father are both insufferable. The only possible reason to marry into this family is to spare the rest of the galaxy from having to deal with you further." Poe grinned at him.

Hux continued in a more normal tone, "But for your information, there were two others who were able to master the calibration process. Not that this contradicts your theory, though, as they were assigned to my team by Snoke specifically for that purpose. He told me he anticipated that they'd prove more skilled than my former colleagues. He was correct."

"Really? You weren't the only one?"

"I never claimed I did it alone," Hux said. "It's the media who did that. It was a huge project. Many people involved." He made a small hand gesture. "The superlasers have a triad configuration, anyway. They take three, separately calibrated crystals of a particular facet design."

"You're talking about Starkiller Base, right?"

"Mainly."

"Huh. Are any sets like that still out there?"

"Why?" Hux turned an amused smile on him. "So you can prevent the construction of the next Starkiller?"

"I know you're joking. I can feel it. You're playing with me. Teasing." Poe smiled and cocked his head again. He was pleased that for all the underlying anxiety he was reading, he was also getting humor.

"There's nothing else of that size out there. Next would be the  _Eclipse_ , but I gutted it. And some of the  _Resurgent_ -class destroyers used kyber focusing crystal arrays for their primary weapons. That's even smaller scale. We had such limited sources and they don't repurpose easily, if at all, so we only equipped a few that way." He shook his head. "The constraint is the raw materials."

"And the people to attune it."

"I suppose so. Both of the others capable of it in the Order died on Starkiller Base, which limits it yet again. Kylo probably knows how. Rey might from what you say. I could at least replicate what I'd done before. It can't be that unique a skill."

"I think you're overestimating how common that is. Can you make a lightsaber?"

"As I said, they're not complicated devices."

"Could you show me how to make one?"

"I don't want you cutting your foot off with it. I happen to like your body as it is."

"Finn used one on Takodana and he's fine."

"Finn is … unwise."

Poe chuckled. "You ever made one? A lightsaber?"

"I'm sure Kylo or Rey could walk you through the process."

Poe turned his head, trying to make sense of Hux's emotions. "You keep not answering the question."

Frustration surged to the forefront of what he was reading from Hux. His voice was sharp. "Yes, I am fairly certain I can make one. No, I've never made one for personal use. Snoke … I would not use or carry one in his presence again." Hux snarled next, his voice rising. "But he's dead, so I should get over it!"

Poe put his hands up, calm and quiet, realizing what he'd done. "Oh, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. I see where that's coming from now."

Hux winced and made uncomfortable motions with his hands. "I want to blame you, but it's not your fault. It upsets me. Between the time when I walked in with the weapon to when I gave my presentation … it was not pleasant. He  _hurt_  me. I was unconscious. There was more lightning. I pissed myself and had to … had to give my presentation anyway, once I could stand."

"Oh," Poe said in a small voice.

"I don't like lightsabers," Hux said emphatically.

"Okay, okay," Poe said softly, half expecting Hux to continue by reiterating his dislike of the Force itself. "Do you want a hug?"

Hux stood there stiffly, looking away from him. "None of this has to do with you. It's my problem."

"I enjoy helping you with your problems."

Hux glanced at him.

"Makes me feel like I'm being a good person. Doing some good in the world for someone. Making you feel better."

"You do." Hux sighed, moved to Poe, and hugged him.


	37. Stupid Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six after the wedding. Same day as Dirty Laundry (previous chapter), which was morning. This is afternoon.

"Okay, I'm ready."

"One moment," Hux replied. He eyed Poe, reclining in the hammock, head turned to watch him. Hux sat cross-legged on a blanket on the ground. He sighed tensely and tried to relax. It was not the sort of thing most people could do under the circumstances, but Hux had long practice at it. Fighting was counterproductive as well as useless. The Force, and those who used it, was not something he could escape in his life. It was, as he'd been repeatedly told, everywhere and in everyone.

He looked down and cleared his mind, as he had for Snoke when Snoke allowed him the opportunity. He let his thoughts settle and brought his focus to his intentions here. He was aware of Poe in front of him, waiting for him to pull himself together. He concentrated, reached out with his mind as though imagining his hand was extending, and pushed aside the barrier between them.

 _-like this?_  Hux thought, with the feeling that there was only part of a thought there, even though it was his own thought.  _There. Can you hear me?_

"Yes."

_Let's do this mentally. We need the practice._

_Okay._

Hux waited, not sure what to do. This whole thing was strangely easy now that he'd done it a few times. He could feel the surface of Poe's mind, which was carefully blank at the moment. Or mostly blank. The sense of his body was still there. Hux could sense, and sort of see, Poe watching him. There was the breeze playing over both of them. Poe saw it ruffle Hux's hair, the hair he'd combed this morning, a memory that was tinged with affection in Poe's mind. He was thinking he'd have to comb it again when they were done here. He was looking forward to that.

A bug was crawling on Poe's ankle. The cords of the hammock pressed into the skin of his back, buttocks, and legs. Poe was seeing Hux feel through his mind in a recursive manner. He was calm, waiting as well, intentionally letting Hux set the pace and take this as far (or as not-far) as he wanted. He was somewhat apprehensive about how this effected Hux and felt guilty about it. He wasn't sure how he felt about Hux seeing his guilt. Poe used one foot to brush the insect off the ankle of his other leg. And that was about as far as his patience went, because he had to interrupt Hux's slow survey to ask,  _Why doesn't this hurt?_

Hux found the short attention span amusing.  _I'm only reading your surface thoughts. I'm not making you show me anything new. Maybe using the Force like that activates neurons artificially and thus causes pain?_

 _Sounds possible. Like overloading circuits?_  Poe knew circuitry. Moments soldering and working with starfighter control chips flashed through his mind.

_Perhaps. Maybe that's why Snoke was better at it than Ren. Maybe finesse is calibrating the energy you put into it to what is needed for the task?_

_You could probably test that with brain imaging devices. You know, if you wanted to be scientific about all of this._

_That would be interesting, but I'll let someone else volunteer for that. I need to know what I'm doing first. Did it hurt when Rey would read your mind?_

_No. Well, sometimes. Can I show you?_

_I think so._

For a moment, nothing happened. Then Poe realized Hux was waiting for him to do something, so he thought back to the various times Rey had read his mind. _See? You're seeing this, right? (It looks like you are.)_

_I am. May I … direct your memories?_

_Sure._  Poe winced at whatever Hux did initially. Hux backed off, then tried again by prompting or mentally nudging rather than digging. Poe relaxed and let the memories surface. It was like day-dreaming. Poe thought it odd that he was seeing what Hux was seeing – Rey and Ren's mind-reading didn't seem to work that way.

 _That's because you're seeing it in my mind_ , Hux told him.  _You're mind-reading me in return._

_Oh._

Poe turned his head, staring up at the overhanging eave of the house. Various recollections of Rey drifted by, their different missions together over the preceding nine months, using mind-reading at times to communicate when words weren't appropriate. The Knights of Ren used it constantly between them. Kylo Ren had touched Poe's mind a few times as well. But it was mostly Rey. Poe liked Rey.

Hux nudged that thought and Poe felt it spiral out into others about her. Poe admired her and not just for the Force, but for the compassion and faith she'd shown Ben Solo. She had saved him, at least in Poe's mind, from what Poe had initially thought was the tyranny and misery of the dark side. His thoughts on that had evolved recently given his experiences with Hux. Maybe the dark side itself wasn't horrific, but the conditions that drove a person to it were? Poe didn't know. But he patterned a lot of how he worked with Hux on what he'd seen Rey do with Kylo.

Her patience. Her love. Her unwavering affection and support and occasional exasperation. How she touched Kylo when he was upset … that particular bit hadn't worked with Hux, but it was why Poe kept reaching out to him even if he'd at least learned not to actually touch Hux. Hux paused in his perusal to experience a snarl of incoherent thoughts and feelings about that. He wanted to give Poe advice and a simple answer about how to handle him and what he preferred, but he couldn't.

 _You don't know yourself_ , Poe thought calmly.  _It's okay._

 _I should._  Something about that seemed very wrong. He wanted to argue with it, but the impulse dissolved in the face of Poe's feelings for him – a sure, steady appreciation of him no matter what. It still didn't feel right.

 _No, you shouldn't._ Poe thought to him.  _It's okay._

Then Hux realized what it was.  _I know myself!_  he snapped mentally, barely restraining himself from mentally lashing at Poe in sudden rage.  _I know who and what I am! Do you think I do not? Would you seduce me into thinking I'm yours to define?_

Poe stilled, realizing he had unintentionally hit exactly what Hux had last told him was his greatest fear concerning mental contact like this. A moment of fear went through Poe, as well as a desire to do something, anything – soothe, apologize, take things back, somehow make things better. But none of those were the right response and Poe saw through that fast. He had the reflexes of a fighter pilot, able to make critical snap decisions on the fly. He relaxed. He stilled his mind. He focused on being a smaller, quieter presence – something he'd worked on each time they'd touched minds. He let go of his fear.

Hux felt his wrath spill through him in an angry, inarticulate storm that unraveled almost as quickly as it formed. There was nothing he could get a grip on in Poe's mind. Poe wasn't resisting him or fighting back. Hux couldn't put words to his anger, not even mentally. It wasn't really anger. It was terror. His heart was hammering; his fists clenched. He cut the mental connection to spare Poe from having to weather something so obnoxiously disgraceful. He covered his face with both hands. They were trembling. He focused on breathing.

When he finally lowered his hands, Hux said, "I want to go to you and fling myself on you."

Poe gave him a confused look. "You think taking a few swings at me would help?"

Hux blinked in confusion. "No! I meant to hold you," he said as soon as he worked out that he'd been misunderstood. "An embrace. Like before. I'm insecure, that's all." He swallowed and worked his mouth, trying to get the waver out of his voice.

Poe smiled at him gently and shrugged a shoulder. "Then what are you doing over there? Come here and hug me."

Hux looked skeptically at the hammock, although he had few doubts it would support them both. "I don't want to go to you," he said petulantly. At least his voice wasn't shaking. "Which is ridiculous because I know I make you be so careful-"

Poe rolled smoothly out of the hammock and knelt next to him on the blanket. They hugged. Poe kissed his neck and swept one hand up and down his back.

"I'm afraid of disappointing you," Hux said. "Of not being what you want. Of you realizing that as you see more of me."

Poe smiled and kissed Hux's bristly cheek. He didn't say anything, which Hux thought was the wisest thing he could do under the circumstances. Poe was not dumb.

Hux sighed. "Stupid fears, aren't they?"

Poe smiled tightly. The corners of his eyes crinkled merrily. He leaned forward slowly toward Hux's face, eyes on his nose. Hux stayed where he was. Poe touched their noses together and made a few short strokes with the tip of his nose. Poe moved back.

Hux rubbed his shoulders. "Let's try again."

"Again?" Poe asked.

"Yes, again." He regretted the way he snapped the moment the words left his mouth. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve that tone. But yes, again."

"Sure," Poe didn't respond to the other part, which left Hux uncertain – apology ignored due to cultural norms or ignored because it was not accepted? Poe went on, "But can I ask you a few things first?"

"Yes?" Hux was glad of the reprieve from the Force, even if he was the one trying to move things forward at the limits of his endurance for it.

"You coasted through my thoughts there, getting a lot more than just what I was thinking on the surface. Is that what you're concerned about me doing to you?"

"No, not really. There is a deeper dive than that which can be done."

"Which is what Kylo Ren did in interrogations, right?"

"Yes. Or so I assume. I had it from Snoke. Never from Ren."

Poe nodded and made a vague gesture with one hand like he was trying to make sense of something. "Okay. So what we just did – what you did with me, prompting my memories, kind of going with the flow – that didn't hurt. It didn't bother me. Are you saying that wouldn't bother you if I did it back somehow?"

"No, it would not. I don't think so. Not if I could see what you were taking as you could with me."

"Okay. And the reading of your surface thoughts, like talking to you in your head, that's okay?"

"Yes."

"And what we talked about at lunch – and I know this is repetitive but bear with me, I need this to be simple for me to understand it – what we talked about at lunch, catching thoughts, reading emotions – that's all okay with you?"

"Yes."

Poe shuffled back to kneel at the corner of the blanket. He put his hands together and loosely laced his fingers. "Okay. So … it's this deep dive thing you're concerned about?"

"Yes. And … the iterative experience of my mind. You're getting to know me on a level you didn't before. It's unavoidable. I'll live with it."

"It's not unavoidable."

"Don't argue with me, Poe." Hux rolled his eyes.

"I'm not arguing with you."

Hux gave him a level look. "What are you doing right now?"

Poe opened his mouth, shut it, then said, "Okay, I'm arguing with you." He sighed. "So this iterative thing-"

"Iterative means repeated."

Poe grinned. "That's cute, but I actually know that word. Thank you, dear."

Hux smiled back broadly, deeply amused that Poe had skewered him right back. "Good. Good. I'm impressed." He swallowed his chuckles. "You were saying, when I so rudely interrupted you?"

Poe waggled his brows once, then went on. "The iterative part of this is something you're going to deal with. But you want me to stay away from the deep dive. Right?"

Hux sighed, returning to seriousness. "I don't know. Perhaps it would be easier if you just got it over with. I dreaded it the whole time with Ren and maybe that was harder to take than if he'd simply done it."

"That sounds like … not the right answer. Somehow. I'm trying not to argue." Poe kept smiling cheerfully. "I'm trying really hard. I think Ren might have been onto something there. Maybe?"

"Then what do you think we should do?"

"How about we go ahead and do it again like you want to, but only do the things you're comfortable with?" Hux considered that. Poe added, "What you're okay with is a much bigger list than I'd realized. I thought everything was bad. But now that we're doing this together and it's not a surprise, you're dealing with it pretty well."

"Every time so far has ended in tears or some kind of fit. That's a strange definition of 'pretty well'. But I agree it's getting better."

Poe shrugged. "So we end this one on a lighter note."

"Which would involve what?"

Poe looked down, staring at the blanket for some long moments. "How about this? I'll tell you a story. It won't involve any of the things that set you off. You just follow along with my thoughts and I'll show it to you as we go. It's practice. Okay?"

"A true story?"

"Yeah. From back when I was a teenager, subadult, whatever. Before I joined the Alliance. It wasn't in my file unless you interviewed everybody I ever talked to. And even then, the main one was L'ulo, and he's not around anymore. So I don't think you've heard it."

"I'm interested."


	38. Based on a True Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six. Afternoon. Continuation of scene from previous chapter.
> 
> (The true story mentioned is from my own nefarious youth with many changes made.)

"Okay. Let's get settled in." Poe adjusted his seat. Hux scooted back to better share the blanket. Poe shut his eyes and breathed deeply, relaxing. After a moment of watching him, Hux followed suit with his breathing. He kept his eyes open as he reached out with his mind, slowly joining them. Once he had a good feel for Poe's awareness, Hux let his eyes slide shut.

He sensed for Poe's intentions, which turned out to be genuine enough. Having determined that Hux was upset by being exposed, Poe was deliberately taking a different tack. It wasn't out of pity, but a simple desire to find a way to make this work for both of them. Poe had been taking a largely passive role so far, but he was starting to see how he could act to help. And so he did.

Poe began with setting the stage.  _From about the time I was ten to when I was sixteen, seventeen, I was on the hop-race circuit every summer. That was my big hobby. By the end, I had a pod racer, an a-wing, and a bunch of old ships I'd cobbled together. The obstacle races were the best – what we had local to the Yavin system was a combination of swoop racing and podracing. We usually had human pilots and usually, I could beat them. I was young enough to have lightning fast reflexes and yet unlike everyone else my age, I'd been flying for more than a decade. Both of those tended to matter more than your engines._

The scene unfolded in a disjointed, unpracticed manner in Poe's head. Hux resisted the impulse to do as Snoke had done with him and grab at the memories and images he wanted to look more at. He just let them pass by, absorbing what he could from the glimpses of races and forests, hops between the three inhabited moons of the gas giant and occasional races across tumultuous terrain of the uninhabited moons. Poe had covered a lot of territory, literally, but a geographical tour or chronological retelling of his race days wasn't his goal.

Poe went on.  _L'ulo went with me most of the time. To keep me safe. To keep an eye on me. He was a great guy. I've mentioned before he was like a father to me. Kes stayed here on the farm. He's … after my mom died, my dad was strange for a long time. Years. Everything weighed down on him. He did his best, but it was like he was half-checked-out most of the time. That's where L'ulo stepped in and a few others, but mostly him._

Poe had initially thought L'ulo was siding with him against his depressive, restrictive father – that L'ulo saw the truth and was his personal friend, his ally. He later realized L'ulo was equally his father's friend, going with his adventurous, extroverted son so that Kes could be assured Poe was safe. And to make sure Poe always made it home. L'ulo was the best wingman and taught Poe a lot about teamwork without making a big deal of it. He modeled it. He wasn't just Poe's partner, but Kes' as well. They were a team, which was practice at working with others that stood Poe in good stead as a squad leader later in the military.

_And it's kind of where I started stepping out. Once I was old enough. I guess it started innocently, with L'ulo taking me out to events because dad just couldn't do it. He couldn't do public. That's why this senate thing's a big deal, but that's not what this story's about._

Poe's protective concern about his father was palpable. His father's withdrawal after Shara's death had sent Poe on a trajectory that included actively looking out for others, seeing himself as the one who had to 'do', to accomplish, to get out there and make a difference. He wasn't sure how to navigate their currently shifting roles, especially with Hux in the mix. Hux noted the uncertainty and let it pass without further scrutiny. It was somewhat soothing to know Poe knew they were flying by the seat of their pants. Also, that Poe was less stressed by it because he'd done this before, or a variation of it.

_Anyway. I'd souped up the pod-racer, best it had ever been, and we went out to this Podunk Nowhere track where I expected a bunch of local yokels screaming on the sidelines. It was just what I loved – a run through the swamps, up and down through trees, had some nets, some swinging logs, a couple acceleration pads, and a few pyrotechnics to keep you guessing. All that to maneuver around at the best speed you could manage, then at the end you had to be steady enough to put your racer right through three successive auto-sizing rings that were only inches bigger than your profile._

The course as advertised in the holos ran through Poe's mind, mixed in with the details he recalled from the race itself. The images were sharp and layered with his expectations of what came next and how he should maneuver to account for it. His spatial memory was incredible. For Hux, it was like hearing a different language and somehow understanding it at the same time. Poe's instructions for flying the speeder and the aircar suddenly took on other meanings. It snapped into place in Hux's head as though he'd actually learned something merely by seeing it through Poe's eyes.

 _It was a tough course_ , Poe continued.  _I got there, expecting I'd win this handily and saw everyone else who was any good in the sector had the same damn plan. There were three non-humans and a droid in the running, along with one of the best human pilots on the circuit. Then there were a few also-rans, but it was stupid well-attended. All the brass. High marks. Championship races weren't as tough._

Poe gave a mental rundown of his competitors. He'd raced against many of them before and he knew they were good. The ones he was less familiar with were dangerous wildcards, but probably irrelevant.

_They disqualified the droid and the rest of us got underway. We all did our separate runs, because Yavin hop-racing isn't some Boonta Eve podracing massacre where you try to knock each other off. We go separate and get rated by points and time. I did good, real good, better than every human there and one of the not. But I came in third. Disappointing, but there was still a nice pot for third. It was still worth some points and I was trying to rack up as many as possible to qualify for some of the big invitational races._

Poe skimmed through the rules and scoring, as well as his own performance. He'd flown a tight race, probably his best up to that point in his life. He'd been proud of it and rightfully so.

_What happens after the race is kind of interesting. The crowds leave, but all the serious folks are still there. They're looking at racers or talking to pilots or just sitting around remembering the old days. They're serious folks. You'd love them. Fit right in. Anyway, L'ulo and I are having a lemon drink or something, waiting for the head box to call us in to get our winnings. And it's taking forever. We can see there's people up there in the box. We can see they're not happy. Something's up._

Poe's thoughts went through the usual post-race wind-down for competitors, after the general public and bettors went home. It was usually one of his favorite times, because he enjoyed the accolades of the other teams. He nearly always did well. He also loved checking out other people's racers. Before the race, no one wanted you anywhere near their racer, but afterward you could talk and share tips.

_L'ulo kept telling me to cool my jets, that we didn't want any part of that. Let them get it sorted, they'd call us when they were ready. But I was like, sixteen. And I was still steaming, even after a full day, from having showed up thinking I had it in the bag and ending up getting third kriffing place after one of the best races I'd ever flown. I wanted my money. I wanted my score numbers. And I wanted to go home._

The emotions were still there after nearly two decades. Disappointment, mainly. It wasn't something Poe had been familiar with at that stage of his life. He had won more races than he lost from the very start. To come in third while knowing he'd done his best was humiliating. He didn't know how to deal with it. Humility was a stranger to him at that age.

_Finally, I saw Gelthar come out. I knew him. I trusted him. I waved him over to the table and he told me there was this long argument going on about the calibration of the timer. Turns out, Podunk Nowhere hadn't kept their equipment up to date and although the margin of error meant guy #1 was still first, me and guy #2 were in dispute._

Gelthar was a Dug mechanic who had helped Poe tighten up the linkage for the power couplings on his pod-racers. It had seemed like a counter-intuitive modification, but it worked and Poe was grateful.

_I got lit up. Just imagine. I was all over L'ulo. We needed to go in there and make our case, tie for second. L'ulo wasn't having any of it. He made me stay there with Gelthar, went up to the head box and came right back. He got my arm and said we're leaving. I was all, 'What happened? What's going on? Am I second or third?' He wouldn't answer until we were on our way back and then he let me know he'd withdrawn me altogether._

The frustration, outrage, and a simmering sense of betrayal at L'ulo ran through Poe's mind.

_If you thought I was upset before, when I found out he'd withdrawn me, I hit the roof. He didn't care about my temper. He said things were going bad and we didn't want or need to be part of it. Third place or even tying for second in some bush race wasn't worth it. I didn't agree. I've never liked to lose._

The long ride back home was one of the more awkward Poe had ever had. Poe had all the emotional volatility of sixteen and the letdown of a stressful day. L'ulo was largely quiet, letting Poe rant to the point of tears before calmly telling him it was his job to make sure Poe would make it to the next race, even if it meant throwing the towel in on this one.

_Next morning, I found out that just minutes after we left there was a fight and a shooting at the race site. L'ulo was right. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't have to. But in retrospect, I wish he had. I wish I'd been at a place in my life where I would have listened, because I'm not sure I would have. You see, the lesson I took from that was that I needed to be better at picking my battles, and that sometimes doing what seemed wrong in the moment might work out for you later. Because since we'd withdrawn and they'd actually processed it, when the whole race was disqualified a few days later, it wasn't on my record._

There were a lot of things Poe wished, looking back, he'd been mature enough to talk to L'ulo about. He'd thought, more than once since returning home, that he ought to have those discussions with Kes now that Poe had a different point of view on things. They'd talked a little the night before the wedding. It was enough to let Poe know that Kes was open to a discussion as a pair of adults, rather than as a parent to a child.

_Disqualifications counted against you in the scoring system. I thought the lesson was that when you stick to being professional and don't get involved in petty stuff, that you come out on top anyway._

_That's the lesson I took from that until I met you. Until I got to know you. It's why I've been thinking about that whole incident again. It was the wrong lesson. What I should have learned was that status, rank, points, whether people saw me as a winner – weren't good reasons to get shot over, to end people's lives. It wasn't that I needed to pick my battles better, but that it wasn't a battle I should have been fighting or even considering fighting, to start with. L'ulo helped me dodge a bolt that night, because otherwise I'd have been in there arguing just like the rest of them when everything went down._

There was the briefest glimpse of Poe watching as the First Order fleet had shot transports around him. Poe knowing he had dodged a bolt there, too, and wishing he hadn't. He wished he'd died that day instead of everyone else and if there was any justice in the galaxy, then he would have. But he hadn't. Which meant he had to make justice himself. Which meant he had to find the right path. After what Holdo did, after Leia's words to him, Poe had come to realize that sometimes it wasn't a matter of finding the right battle – sometimes it was about not fighting the war at all.

_So that's the story. How did that work for you?_

_Very well._ Hux took stock of himself. He was calm. His attention had stayed focused throughout. He'd felt through the layers of Poe's meaning, seeing the memories and getting Poe's narration at the same time. And all without any intrusive thoughts or Snoke-induced tension. _That worked fine. It's a richer form of storytelling. I liked it. Also, it is humbling to see that after my thirty years of leading people, you are so much better socialized than I am. These experiences you've had, the mentors, the lessons – they're very different from mine._

_I know._

Poe gave him a calm, entirely non-judgmental acceptance of their difference. Hux savored it for several long moments. Something deep inside his soul eased. He thought back to Poe's memories of the race itself and how natural the controls had felt to him. Hux looked down at his hands and flexed them. There was a feeling in his mind like muscle memory, like he'd been given something else in addition to acceptance.

 _What's that?_  Poe asked.

_It's like I could fly a pod-racer if I wanted to._

_They're really hard to fly. Probably the toughest thing I've ever flown. A lot of humans can't handle them at all. I'm not sure I still can at this age._  Poe felt through the surface of Hux's mind, sensing the same thing he was.  _Hey, maybe you'd do okay with one?_ He smiled.  _Let me know if you want to join the hop-racing circuit someday._

Hux grinned back at him, ending the mental connection. "No, I think I'm fine as is."

"You definitely are." Poe came forward to kiss Hux a light kiss on the cheek, despite the bristle. "And you know I think so, right?"

Hux nodded.

"You see how well that worked between us?"

"Yes, I do." Hux kissed him back. "You're very clever at some of these things. I love you so much."


	39. Family Ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six. Late afternoon.

"Hey, I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. You don't know how tough it is to get privacy around here."

"The information isn't time-sensitive," Eddiva said. "The transmission should be complete by now."

"I really appreciate this." Poe looked at the number of pages for the file he'd just transferred onto his datapad. "This isn't as long as Hux's, but it's longer than I'll be able to get through in a sitting."

"You've seen Armitage Hux's file? The complete one?" Eddiva asked.

"Yeah, I think so. He didn't let me keep it, though. I think he thought I'd get through the whole thing in the hour or two I had to look at it." He looked up from the contents list to her. "I have some reading comprehension issues. Can you walk me through the highlights on this and I'll get through the details as I can later? I can't be reading it while he's around. He might ask."

"Of course." She turned, pulling up a copy of the same report on another screen. "His mother's name is Lyema Ridware. She's alive. He has a sister named Hiletha Ridware, also alive and approximately ten years Armitage's junior. Through his mother, Armitage also has an extant grandmother, step-grandfather, a married aunt with wife and husband, unmarried uncle, two cousins, and other relatives. All are residents of Arkanis, shown in the file."

"Oh, wow. That's a lot of people."

"Everyone's related to someone." She turned back to the screen. "I pulled genealogical and marriage records. I took the liberty of adding Liyema's medical history since you inquired about the details of his birth and I believed her current health to be relevant. It turned up other relevancies, so I added criminal history and tax records of those involved."

"Ah … huh. Go on."

Eddiva sighed. "Liyema took employment at the Arkanis Academy as an emancipated minor. She was employed in the cafeteria. She became pregnant within a few months and gave birth to Armitage at term. Armitage Hux is, in fact, his birth name. Brendol is listed on all documentation as his father."

"Was there a doubt of that?"

"She was young enough that on some planets, she couldn't legally consent. That was not the case for emancipated individuals on Arkanis who are living independently of their family. That's why I also pulled legal records. Also, he had speculated to me privately once that he wasn't certain that was his original name."

Poe nodded. "But he never looked into this himself?"

"No."

Poe rubbed his forehead.

"Is something wrong?" Eddiva asked.

Poe shook his head. "I'm just now realizing how much of a breach of his privacy this is. I'm not entitled to this information."

Eddiva was quiet for a moment, studying him. "Do you plan to tell him what you already know?"

"Yes. Definitely."

She nodded. "Then as a somewhat uninvolved person who has worked with Armitage Hux closely for many years, I would suggest you hear the rest while you have the opportunity."

"If he doesn't want me to know, then I shouldn't."

"If you don't know, then he has no one he can discuss it with. He will ask for that entire report in your hands. He will read all of it. If there is no one he can talk to about it, then he will not. He does not share personal information well, if at all."

"I think," Poe started, "that we have a better relationship than that. He's shared a lot with me. But you've known him longer than I have. I know he respects your judgment." He paused before saying, "Go ahead."

Eddiva gave him a moment to change his mind, which Poe did not, then continued. "His mother moved to the Academy dorms two months before birth and remained there, employed in the kitchens, for the next five years. As Brendol was commandant during this period, it seems likely they saw each other frequently. At the time of the Siege, she was admitted to the hospital with a variety of severe injuries – a broken leg, ribs, severe concussion, broken bones in the face, other injuries. It was not the first time she required medical treatment for injuries sustained during the preceding five years, but it was the worst by far.

"It was the only time she swore out charges. Brendol was accused of assault, battery, attempted murder, assault on a minor, and kidnapping. He never returned to Arkanis jurisdiction and the First Order, especially in those days, did not register member's locations with the Republic. There was no successful prosecution."

"Got it," Poe said grimly.

"She left the Academy after discharge from the hospital and returned to live with her mother in Fadalar. Five years later, she gave birth to a daughter, Hiletha. No marriage to the father. I did not pull records on him. Marriage, by the way, is the norm on Arkanis, usually opposite sex dyads, but many other configurations are legally recognized. Social prohibition against illegitimate children is high, as is that of sexual contact outside of wedlock regardless of gender. It is not criminalized, only censured, which means much social support and services are not available to those who have it or are the product of such. It was a scandal for both of them.

"Brendol Hux also left his wife Maratelle on Arkanis. She resides there now. Armitage Hux is aware of this. He inquired about her roughly six months ago. Inheritance laws being as they are, half of his father's estate and abandoned wealth is his. As far as I know, he has made no claim other than having my office file the appropriate paperwork to have Brendol's death legally established by the Arkanis government. This should have sent a notification to Maratelle, but if she and Armitage have been in contact, I am unaware of it."

"He has a step-mother? He knows about her?"

"Yes, he knows."

"They've never spoken?"

"My agency doesn't monitor Armitage Hux's private communications unless requested to do so. I have not arranged or facilitated any contact between them. I have not provided Armitage with her personal contact information, although he could obtain it through other routes. It's publicly available. He has never listed Maratelle as his mother or even his step-mother in any of his First Order documents."

Poe nodded. "Anything else you think I should know? What's Liyema doing these days? How old is her daughter now? His sister?"

"Half-sister. Hiletha is twenty-four, has no children and is unmarried. Liyema works as an independently contracted domestic worker – a for-hire maid. Hiletha is employed at a plant nursery. Liyema's mother is listed only as 'retired' on their tax documents. She is widowed from Liyema's father and divorced from her step-father. The three women live together."

"Economic realities – are their needs met?"

Eddiva shrugged. "I can't be certain without more analysis. I know Arkanis has an intact social support system. Primary education, healthcare, legal assistance, and counseling are provided by the government free of charge. Some other services are available on a case-by-case basis. It would appear that illegitimacy would exclude them from many of those services. It's like being a felon."

"Great. How enlightened of them," Poe said dryly. He looked at the information on the datapad. Hux's birthdate was at the top. It wasn't far in the future. "Do they know there was an inquiry? Yavin lets people know when someone accesses their records."

"No. Arkanis sends no notifications."

"Good to know. Okay. Thank you. I owe you one."

"Speaking of which … I've had some inquiries from the Force Institute about Luke Skywalker's history, since the Order had the most complete record available on him. I was looking through it and noticed your father's name. You could pay off the favor by having him give me a call and listen to my questions. Answers would be extra. If the Rebellion kept good records, I haven't seen them yet."

"Okay, I'll tell him. But if you want the records of the Resistance and the Rebellion, you need to be asking Kaydel Ko Connix. She has all that. Leia left it with her."

"Really? Thank you for that."

With a jolt, Poe remembered several things: his father saying Hux's entire moral framework was suspect; Hux's longtime associate, Tritt Opan, offering to hire out his services as an assassin to Poe; and that Eddiva Birnham was, at the root of it, a spy. "Wait a second, you're not going to send out hit men or information thieves after her, are you?"

Eddiva made a tiny snort. "So that some academic can fill out a museum placard on the life and times of a dead Jedi? Hardly. But I can tell you this – if my intentions are to use your information in such a way, I'll let you know upfront. I don't like to burn sources. It's bad business."

"Okay. We're good then?"

"We're good," she said. "Have your father call me. Tell him I enjoyed talking to him."

"Okay. I'll tell him that, but did you?" Poe grinned at her expression and said, "I'm married to Armitage Hux. Don't think I haven't learned to pay attention to  _exactly_  what a person says … and doesn't say."

"Yes, I did."


	40. The Telling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six, late afternoon.

Poe sat in the living room for a few minutes after turning off the transmission system. He didn't read the information on his datapad. He just stared at the floor, thinking about his next step. Before hearing the information, he'd thought the obvious one was to compose a message to Hux's mother introducing himself and asking if she would allow contact between them. Maybe even arrange a trip. Then he could present Hux with her presence as a gift, and if she declined, then he need never mention it at all.

But now that he had the information?

Poe couldn't stop thinking about how this would play out. How would Hux would respond to the news that his mother was alive and willing to meet with him, presented to him without Hux's involvement or input? Arranged without his consent? Poe thought about how uncomfortable he'd felt when he'd found out Hux was conducting a background check on him. He thought about the many times Hux had said, either defiantly or with resignation, that everything about himself was known to Snoke and Ren, by necessity, because they'd forced it out of him.

One of Hux's main objections to the Force between them was that he be exposed and have no secrets. From the first, he'd struck Poe as a very private person, regardless of what he was regularly required to divulge. Eddiva had said he didn't share personal information. He'd offered his file to Poe, but only for a short time. Even when Poe had admitted he hadn't read much of it, Hux had not offered to share it again. He'd been fussy about explaining what he had in his luggage (not that Poe thought the security box was the only odd thing in there). He'd been very careful in telling anything about himself. That control of information was critical to Hux.

Poe realized he may well have already seriously fucked up. He rose and went directly to find his husband.

* * *

It was late afternoon. The hottest part of the day had passed. Hux had been assigned to mowing between the koyo trees while Kes spread the soil amendment he'd purchased before. It was simple enough work, but still hot.

Poe walked out to where Hux was mowing noisily. "Um, hey, I need to talk to you about something." He stood there, nervous and tense, fists on his hips and his head tilted.

Hux turned the mower to stand-by so the machine was quieter. It made a loud hum instead of a dull roar. "Right now?"

"Well, it's not urgent. But I don't want you to think I waited or held out on you. You want to catch me later about it though?"

Hux turned off the engine entirely on his equipment. "How can I tell? I have no idea what you're talking about."

Kes paused in pushing around the spreader for the soil additive. He stared at them.

Poe looked over, hands still on hips, and said, "What? Go on. We're talking." Hux needed to know what he'd done, but the last thing he wanted to happen was for more people to know without Hux having any input on it.

"Your body language doesn't say that," Kes said, beginning to smile. He didn't move. "It almost looks like you want to pick a fight."

Poe sighed and threw his hands up, but when they came down, they went right back on his hips. He turned to Hux.

"He's right," Hux told him.

"Okay, okay, sorry." Poe changed his stance, putting most of his weight on one foot, canting his hips, and let his arms dangle. "It's none of his business, though." After a few beats, he could hear the whir of the spreader Kes was pushing as he moved on. "This is better, right?" he asked Hux.

Hux smiled. "I suppose. But I still don't know what you came to tell me about."

Poe chewed his lip. "I think I fucked up. Can we talk?"

"Of course." Hux dismounted from the machine, taking his bottle of water with him. They retired a few feet away in the shade of one of the koyo trees. Hux took a long drink. Poe took a moment to regard him – sweaty, unshaven, and dirty, in work clothes Kes had dug out of somewhere and topped with a woven sunhat. The pants were too big for him and the way the belt cinched up was comical. "What?" Hux asked.

"I love the way you look. All the time. No matter what," Poe told him. He reached over and brushed some grass clippings off Hux's exposed forearm. His sleeves were rolled up. Poe gestured at the arm and said, "Except for that. That looks a little pinker than it should."

Hux shrugged. "Radiation burns. I've lived on a starship for years. I'll acclimatize eventually." He took another swig.

"Okay, here's the deal," Poe said. "A few days ago, I had this bright idea to get a piece of information about you. Harmless stuff. Innocent. I thought I'd surprise you with it, it'd be fun, no big deal. And so I called Birnham. You know that."

"Right."

Poe nodded. "But once I had her on the line, it occurred to me that as long as she was getting  _that_  piece of information, that she could just as easy get another piece. Something you … well. A lot more important. I asked her to find that, too. And I didn't think much else about it."

"Go on, if you will."

"Then I called her today. She told me everything I'd asked for. And, uh, I thought …" Poe chewed at his lips, then scratched at his forehead. "Um, well. I thought about … how I need to tell you this. Because this is really  _your_  information. The first part's still harmless. But the second part – it's a bigger deal."

"The thing you added on."

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"I can't think of a way to say this that would let you decide if it was okay for me do what I was planning to do – keep it secret for a little while longer – without just telling you."

"I trust you. Completely. If you want to keep secrets from me, that's fine. Even if they're about me." Hux looked him up and down. "But your father's right. Your body language says you're expecting trouble. So do your emotions. It's unlike you." He took another drink as Poe hesitated. "I can't imagine what you've found out about me that's so upsetting. If you think you've uncovered some nefarious scheme, it's almost certainly a fabrication. I've told you about most of the evil I've done. The rest are lies."

"No. It's not that." Hux waited, neither guilty nor defensive, which told Poe the man really had been entirely open with him. It was Poe who was holding out, so he blurted, "Your mother's alive."

Hux swallowed and paled, lifting his head slightly. He drew in a breath and said very carefully, "Maratelle Hux, you mean? My father's widow?"

"No." Poe shook his head. "Liyema Ridware. Your biological mother."

"Li- She's alive?"

"Yes."

"On … on Arkanis? She's  _alive_?"

Poe smiled softly. "Yes. She's alive on Arkanis."

"Liyema … Rid-?"

"Ridware."

"What did you ask … Eddiva?"

"I asked her for your birthday, so I could plan a party for you. And then it occurred to me that if she was already getting your birth certificate, your mother's name would be on it. It's a simple search past that to see if she was alive. But you know that. And if you'd never looked on your own … I mean, I know you had your reasons. But once  _I_  knew, I knew I had to tell you. I couldn't call her and not let you know."

"Call her? Why would you?" There was alarm in Hux's voice.

"I haven't called her."

"Why would you?" he repeated in the same tone, like his thoughts were hung up and he couldn't progress out of the cycle.

"Because I love everything you are and she's part of you."

"That's trite!" Hux was bitter. He looked down and picked sharply at his overly large work pants. "My father's a part of me as well. Have you ever thought of that?" He sounded stuck between angry and hurt.

Poe grunted, feeling that barb like it was a physical thing. "No, I hadn't. Not really."

Hux exhaled heavily. "I felt that."

Poe nodded, glancing off. He was perfectly willing to be the bigger man and let Hux lash out at him without reprisal, but the bond apparently didn't work that way. It made arguing strange, if it were more than a simple disagreement.

"I … apologize for snapping at you."

"You shouldn't-" Poe caught himself. "I accept your apology." That dispensed with it faster. "I am out here trying to figure out how to apologize, myself, for digging into your past, things you intentionally left alone because you didn't want to know them or weren't ready or whatever reason you had. I stuck my nose in where I shouldn't have and I fucked things up. As soon as I realized what I'd done, what this might mean to you, I came out here to tell you."

Hux gave him a doubting look. "But you were going to talk to her?"

"Hugs – I'm talking to  _you_. Because you needed to know. I stepped right across the boundary of appropriate by doing this without your permission. I thought it was harmless. I was wrong."

"No. I told you that you could keep secrets from me. All along. You did nothing wrong."

Poe looked at him. The emotions he was feeling from Hux were painfully unsettled. He remembered how Hux hadn't wanted to be the one to come to him earlier when he'd been similarly upset. "Can I have a hug? I know you're saying it's okay, but I feel like I really messed up."

"Yes. Come here." He opened his arms. Poe settled against him – hot and sweaty as he still was. Hux drew in a deep breath, then let it out. His emotions calmed. Tenderness welled up.

Poe rubbed his face on Hux's shoulder. It was dry from the sun. "Thank you. I needed this."

"If you were making an apology, I accept it." He stroked Poe's back slowly. "When is my birthday?"

"It'll be kind of hard to plan a surprise party if you know."

Hux chuckled quietly. Then, "She's … alive?" Poe nodded and sat back so they could see each other. Hux asked, "You know more? More than just her name and a date?"

Poe nodded again. "You know Eddiva. She's thorough. I had her walk me through the basics, but all the detail is on my datapad. I left it on our bed, if you want to go read it. I didn't go through it. I came right out here to talk to you. First thing. I thought I might have … made a really bad mistake in finding out at all. I should have told you earlier. I-"

"Shh." Hux shook his head and gave Poe's shoulders a squeeze. "You did as I told you was permissible." He dropped his hands. "I want to know the rest."

Poe patted Hux's leg, then stood up and walked over to the mower. He slid into the seat. "Go on in and read. I know how to run this thing."

"But … it was my job." Hux stood as well. "I should finish it." He glanced over at Kes, who had stopped at the corner of the orchard to reload his spreader cart. He was pretending not to be paying attention to them. He was probably out of earshot.

"My dad just wants it done," Poe told him. "He doesn't care who. Go read. Then we can talk about it if you want to. The birthdate's right at the top. That's all I looked at. Everything else I know is the summary Eddiva told me."

Hux still dithered. "Do you need to … go delete it or something – the birthdate?"

"No. I think I give you enough surprises. I really ought to learn my lesson about that."

"I think you have. Instead of using my permission as an excuse for anything, you reconsidered and told me. It was the right decision." Hux looked over him steadily. "Thank you."

Poe felt a pleasing swell of approval. It was intoxicating to know Hux trusted him and not blindly, but because he was making better choices, even if some course correction was required at times. It made him happy. Giddy. Someone had faith in him, and for the first time in most of a year, Poe felt he deserved it. "Come here?"

Hux moved closer. Poe ran a hand through Hux's hair. "So sweaty," he said appreciatively, looking from his hand to Hux's face. He licked one salty finger with a grin.

"You're depraved," Hux said with a chuckle.

"I think you like it," Poe said in a low, slow voice. He bit his lower lip.

"I thi- I  _know_  I do." Hux watched his mouth. His cheeks looked ruddy along with his arms, but Poe couldn't tell if that was the sun or he was blushing. His eyes flashed up to Poe's. "It lets me feel superior. You're quite generous that way."

Poe laughed and plucked Hux's hat from his hand. He put it on his own head, a smug smile on his face. "That's me. Always ready to take one for the team. You need to get inside before your hair isn't the only thing that's red. Hand me what's left of that water bottle you slobbered on."

"I did not slobber on it!" Hux feigned outrage as he handed him the bottle.

Poe leaned in and grinned at him. "Next time, you should." Poe blew him a kiss. "My Superior Officer." He turned on the machine.

Hux gave him a contented smile. Then he shook his head slowly and turned to stride off to the house.


	41. The Knowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six, evening.

Kes waved Poe over at the next pass of the mower. "What was that about?"

"You remember that call I had from General Birnham?"

"Yeah."

"That's what it's about. By the way, she wants you to call her back sometime and tell her about your adventures with Luke Skywalker."

"Huh? Who?"

Poe laughed at his dad playing dumb. "You know who he is."

"I'm not sure I do. It depends. What does she want to know? How's she doing, anyway?"

Poe gave his father a narrow-eyed look for acting weird. "I don't know. Fine, I guess. Call her and find out. She said she enjoyed talking to you."

"She did?"

Kes looked way more pleased about than Poe would have expected. He knew what was going on now. Poe tried to keep a straight face. "Yeah, she did, Dad. I've got work to do here." He put the mower back in cutting mode and continued.

* * *

When Poe went in the bedroom, he found Hux sitting on the bed, putting aside Poe's datapad. "How'd your reading go?" Poe asked, stripping off his shirt.

"Fine. How did your mowing go?"

"Also fine." Poe smiled at him. He wadded up his shirt and tossed it in the hamper. Other than having taken his shoes off at the back door, Hux was still dressed as he had been in the field. His hair was in disarray from the hat and maybe from pawing at it. Hux glanced back at the datapad. Poe turned, unfastened his pants, and dropped them.

As usual, Hux took no special note of him nude, but he didn't seem to be taking much note of him at all. Hux hadn't gone back to reading. He was just staring at the datapad blankly. Poe peeled off sweaty underwear and socks, putting them in the hamper as well. He moved near and squatted next to the bed. He looked up at Hux and tried offering his hand. Poe asked, "How do you feel?"

"Fi-" Hux sighed and took Poe's hand. "No, I don't get to 'I'm fine' you, do I?"

"Not when it's important."

"I don't know. It's all static. Can you tell me? You seem to know better than I do at times."

"I think I'm better at putting words to it. You know what you're feeling. You've just never needed to describe it to anyone." He cradled Hux's hand in both of his and opened himself to the feelings. "Lost. Detached. Disoriented. Confused. Angry. Insecure. Wanting. Hope. Yearning. And fear. There's always fear, if I keep looking."

Hux sighed. "Sounds complicated. That's quite a lot. No wonder it's all static."

"Most of it is different words to describe the same thing. But it might be why it feels like too much to deal with right now." He pressed his lips to the back of Hux's hand. His skin was hot. The sunburn was more obvious indoors. "Will you come take a shower with me?"

Hux nodded and began to undress. Poe headed into the attached bathroom. It didn't have a tub, but a shower was what he wanted anyway. He'd just gotten the water where he wanted when Hux joined him. Poe stopped him in the doorway to kiss his temple and rub his nose in Hux's hair, hoping to try to draw him out of his own head.

"I must smell awful," Hux complained.

"No. You smell like husband. And cut grass. And summer sun. I like it." Poe kissed him again, a light peck, and they both moved into the water. Poe took a brief rinse, then ceded the cooling spray to Hux. "My dad's taking a shower, too, so even though I don't have this set very hot, we need to be quick."

"Noted." Hux cleaned up and exited in good order. Poe finished his own ablutions and followed.

They dried off, Hux lost in thought and Poe leaving the silence alone for now. Poe pulled on fresh underwear and a shirt, then sat on the bed with a tube of cream from the first aid box.

"What's that?" Hux asked, sitting across from him, dressed the same.

"Sun cream. It will take the burn away." He dispensed some on his fingers, then took up one of Hux's arms.

"Ah. It's hardly severe enough to warrant treatment." He didn't take his arm back, though.

"You clearly have a sunburn." He skimmed over Hux's skin carefully. The cream needed only a thin layer to do its job.

"I wasn't saying I didn't. Just … we never bothered treating minor injuries like this. Is this normal?"

Poe smiled sweetly at him and nodded. "The rest of the galaxy isn't a bunch of tough-as-nails gundarks like the First Order." Poe switched to the other arm. "You clearly have a lot of feelings about your mother. What are your  _thoughts_?"

"As different from my feelings?"

"Uh-huh. Maybe it will be easier to put into words."

Hux was quiet and looked away. Poe finished and leaned in. He warned, "I'm going to touch your face and your neck." He applied a little extra cream to spots that didn't need it even by Poe's standards, but it gave him something to do while Hux gathered his thoughts.

"I thought she'd be blonde," Hux finally said pensively. "Her hair is brown."

"There were pictures? I didn't even scroll down." Poe looked at the datapad, off to the side. Obviously joking, he added, "I totally would have looked if I thought it was a picture book."

Hux snorted.

"You know how interested I am in visuals," Poe flirted. "Especially yours. Can I see her?" He touched the datapad.

"Yes." Hux sorted through the file, then expanded her picture and showed it to him.

Poe looked down at it. She had brown hair, as Hux had said. It was straight and shoulder-length in the picture. Fair skin. Barely fifty years old. Poe's thoughts went to what his own mother would have looked like had she still been with them, with the passage of some fifteen years of aging. She would be eternally youthful in Poe's memory.

He looked up at Hux. "Do you remember her now, or is that still gone?"

"Still gone."

"You have her nose," Poe observed, looking from the picture to Hux.

Hux smiled a little. "Yes. For which I am thankful. Drinking and dissipation malformed my father's, not genetics. But I see she has not had the same. It's jarring for my mental image of her, formed by decades of forbidden daydreams, to be so different from the reality."

"How so?"

"Well, she's not blonde, for one thing. Shorter than I expected. She's alive." He grinned broadly and it was oddly relaxed, like he couldn't believe what he was about to say: "She's a  _maid_ , a domestic servant!" He laughed.

"What are you laughing about there?" Poe asked gently. "Because I know you're not mocking her."

"Of course not!" Hux huffed. "I never imagined she was alive, so I never wondered what she might be doing with herself. If I had seriously thought she survived, I would have tried to find her. Or at least I tell myself I would have. I was so certain she hadn't …"

Hux shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with what she does for a living. But given my own previous standing, and my father's position in society, it's sad and incongruous that she's lived out the rest of her life scrubbing toilets or whatever it is her job entails."

Poe looked up at the ceiling and winced a little at that. "Okay. There's definitely some classism to unpack there, but I kinda gathered that months ago. If you came around about droids and non-humans, then this isn't going to be an issue."

"An issue? My mother is a maid!" He laughed again.

Poe rubbed his face. "Yes, she is, Hugs." In an affected tone, he said, "'Commoners', am I right?"

He wasn't sure if Hux understood that was sarcasm, because Hux agreed, "Yes. Exactly!" Then Hux sighed and took back the datapad. "All this time, she's been alive. Does she know? Did Birnham mention that?"

"Um … She doesn't know. Eddiva said Arkanis doesn't inform people about records searches. I asked about that."

"No, that's not what I meant. Does she know her son is still alive?"

Poe looked at him blankly for a moment. "I- She'd have to. You have the name you were born with. You've been on the news for most of the last year. She might live  _on_  a rock, but she's not living under one. She knows."

"A very rainy rock. But you're right. Arkanis might be on the Outer Rim, but they're not savages. And besides, the Outer Rim worlds kept more abreast of the Order's activities than the core worlds ever bothered to. For obvious reasons."

Poe wasn't sure why that would be obvious, but Hux went on with a tone of melancholy. "I wonder what she thinks of me." It didn't seem to be a question.

"Whatever she thinks, she doesn't know you yet – not the real you."

"She's never tried to contact me to find out."

Poe breathed out heavily. "I don't know that that means anything." He didn't ask if the Order would have automatically ignored her request. If they'd answered the hail of a Resistance ship in attack mode outside one of their dreadnoughts during war, and stayed on the line long enough for him to hassle a general and insult him  _repeatedly_ , then refusing communications clearly wasn't their thing.

Hux scrolled up. "She fought for me. That means something." He looked at the page dispassionately. "The police took samples from under her fingernails for evidence. Brendol's cells. She drew blood."

"Good."

Hux looked up at him curiously. "You never met him, yet you seem to loathe him as much as I did."

Poe said, "His personality is pretty easy to see through his actions. When he was in a tough spot on Arkanis, he ran. When Sloane threatened him, he backed down. When he couldn't get his way in politics, he had  _children_  do his dirty work for him and then left them to be prosecuted or killed in retribution. When he had people who depended on him, he left them to starve and fend for themselves. He would have been proud of a son just like him – a self-centered coward and a bully. But you weren't. You're nothing like him. She'll see that once she meets you."

"She might not want to meet me. Regardless of how different I am, for her, I'll be a reminder of him."

"Like you said, she fought for you. She's your mother. Your father's not a good example of a parent, though I understand it's the main one you have. Look at mine. He dropped the Rebellion entirely, swallowed his pride, and opened his heart to a guy he saw as the leader of the enemy –  _because his son asked him to_ , Hugs. Parents- Good parents do things like that for their kids. Han Solo walked out to face Kylo Ren, knowing what might happen. And it did." Poe swallowed.

Poe continued, "Your mother stood up to a man who had exploited her and who knows what else he did to her for six years. She fought him tooth and nail for you. She doesn't know what kind of person you are now, but she knows she's still your mother."

From outside the bedroom, Kes' voice called, "Hey, what time do you guys want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry," Hux told Poe quietly. "I don't want anything."

"I can understand that, but you remember the rules, right? I have to put food in front of you. Duty and all that." Hux gave him a sour look, but didn't argue. Poe went to the door, opening it and stepping out to talk to his father. Kes glanced over his clothing judgmentally.

"I'm an adult, Dad. This is what I'm wearing. Do you want to talk or not?"

Kes sighed. "Talk."

"He says he's not hungry. What do you have when you stress-eat?"

"I don't 'stress-eat'," Kes said. "I get over being stressed out, then I eat. He's probably just queasy from getting too much sun. Sun's nearly down now. Yavin's up. Why don't you guys  _get dressed_ , go out for your run and hold it to a walk. Don't get overheated. I'll go into town and get something. I don't feel like cooking anyway after lugging all that stuff around in the heat."

"Oh, yeah, we're supposed to run," Poe said, remembering.

"Yeah, you are. Especially if he's feeling stressed out. I don't know what I'm being picky about. He wears less than that." He gestured at Poe's t-shirt and underwear. "What do you guys want from town?"

Poe knocked on the door once and then opened it to find Hux coming over to it from the other side. "Well, you probably heard us," Poe said.

He nodded. "Ice cream sundae. Vanilla. Strawberry topping. Nuts."

"For dinner?" Kes asked.

"Yes."

Kes shrugged. "You?" he looked at Poe.

"Same."

"The exact same?"

"Sure."

"Alright. You two are weird. Go walk it off and I'll be back in an hour or so."


	42. Walk It Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening. Day six.

It was still hot outside as they left for the walk, but the sun was down enough that the light was indirect – lingering twilight as far as the sun was concerned. Most of the current lighting was reflected from the gas giant Yavin itself. It would be up successively longer in the evenings for the next few weeks, bathing the night with a soft glow, and then eventually its presence would be confined to the early morning. After that, it would be barely visible during the day again before starting the cycle all over.

Hux fumbled with Poe's hand for a moment – Poe trying to hold his hand, Hux trying to do something else. Then Hux projected a single, crystal-clear concept into Poe's mind. Poe splayed his fingers. Hux slipped his between them. Fingers twined, they held hands.

"That was convenient," Poe said.

"Let it not be said the bond doesn't have uses I approve of."

"Never." Poe rubbed his thumb over Hux's hand as they walked. "How does that feel? I know that cream works quick."

"I like your touch."

Poe chuckled at the non-answer and stopped rubbing him. "Uh-huh. Got it. Still a little burned." Hux didn't argue it.

A flight of night birds crossed the evening sky in a swift, organized group, maneuvering deftly in a tightening spiral before breaking apart in a dozen directions just short of collision. They formed up again a moment later, zipping over the trees to repeat the process.

"What are they doing?" Hux asked.

"Herding bugs," Poe said. He released Hux's hand to gesture with both of his own, mimicking their formation. "They drive them together and then go after them all at once. It's very coordinated."

"I see that. Like a squadron of TIEs."

"Or starfighters. Yep." Poe slipped his hand back into Hux's. "I'd watch them as a kid and imagine what it would be like to be one of them, dodging and juking, nailing the bad guy right at the end."

Hux gave his hand a happy squeeze at the memory. "Do I need to be concerned about your father's comment about my wardrobe?"

"No. I adore your tight little shorts. He doesn't come running with us, so he doesn't get a vote."

Hux chuckled and gave Poe's hand another squeeze. "Why did you order the same food as I?"

"Because I don't know what portion my dad's going to come back with. If it's dessert-sized, then you can have mine, too, because one won't be enough. If it's big enough, then we can share and I know you'll like mine as well as yours."

"That's very clever, but if you give me yours, what will you eat?"

"I'll make a sandwich. Or heat something up. I know how to cook for myself – at least basic stuff. Not a big deal."

"You're a very good man, Poe. I could eat a sandwich, too, I suppose. I don't want to be difficult. I just don't have much appetite at the moment."

"No problem." They walked along quietly for a while until Poe said, "I feel like I dumped a lot on you today."

"You did. You had a choice of not telling me. I'm glad you didn't take it."

"I never considered it. Before I knew it, sure. But once I realized what it meant? No. I'm not going to walk around keeping that kind of secret from you."

"Thank you," Hux said softly. His emotional read off fairly hummed with appreciation and love. "I don't know how to process any of this, though."

"Let's start somewhere. Tell me what you remember from what you read."

Hux was quiet long enough that Poe wondered if he'd gotten lost in his thoughts again, but then he said, "She had green eyes. We have that in common, at least."

"I wonder if they'll be as beautiful as yours?"

Hux snorted. "I hope they're more. Mine are dull. Almost grey at times."

"You have the most beautiful … dull green almost grey eyes I've ever seen," Poe said with a grin.

Hux rolled his eyes and sighed. After a while, he said, "It's like with Snoke. I can't put this into words – how I feel, what I'm thinking about all of it."

"It'll come. It's a nice evening for a stroll, though. Just blurt out whatever. I'll listen."

Hux nodded. Eventually, he asked, "What would you think if I revealed to you that your mother hadn't actually died when you were eight, but was only abducted or went out on a secret mission, and had been stranded on some backwater dirtball until just recently discovered? How would you deal with that?"

"Okay, we'll talk about me, then," Poe answered. "I think first I'd have my doubts. It sounds like a trick. It's different from what I've known my whole life. Then I'd want to know what my father knew about it – did he lie to me? Or did he not know either? What did he think about it? If we both agreed it was real, then I'd want to know if she was okay. I'd want to meet her, immediately. I'd go straight to her."

Poe swallowed, licked his lips, and looked off into the forest as he imagined seeing his mother again. "I'd hug her. I'd cry. I would be in shock, the more I … the more I believed it." He looked at Hux with tears in his eyes. "It's an emotional thing. Just thinking about it, even when I know it's just hypothetical for me. But it's not for you. What would you do about it?"

"What, you finding your mother?" Hux teased, deliberately misinterpreting Poe's question.

"Sure," Poe said, playing along.

"I'd be shocked. I'd order research on her, just like you did with mine. Like you, I'd have my doubts. I'd worry … on your behalf. I'd wonder what it meant to you."

"What do you think it would mean for me?"

"The possibility of some sort of family you didn't have before …" Hux stopped them and pulled Poe into a hug. "You know your mother loved you. I know mine … did. The evidence points to it. But also that she's not sought me out, not even since the peace." He released a deep breath, warming the skin on Poe's shoulder.

Poe stroked his back. "I think the both of you might be doing the same thing, each waiting for the other to make the first move. I'm willing to take that step for you if you want. That was my plan to start with – trying to help you build a family."

Hux parted from him and they went back to walking, still holding hands. "I- That's what I want. That's why I married you – to have you in my life. But you asked me. She has not."

"Will you let me ask her for you? For us? I did this for Rey, too, when she kept stalling with Kylo. I've seen loads of pilots get hung up on this. Sometimes, you've just gotta take the shot. You're not going to get anywhere if you don't."

Hux swallowed and nodded. "Yes," he said quietly. "I will delegate that duty to you."

Poe smiled softly, casting an admiring look to Hux for his strength.

"Let's wait for two things, three maybe. And I'm not listing them as a way to stall."

"What are those?"

"A month to pass from the wedding, so that I have had more time with you and your father before throwing other people into the mix. For the purchase of the ice cream shop to be finalized and us working out our plan for the opening of the business, so I have some idea of where my life is going. And a little more familiarity with this thing with the Force. I don't want to be a mess with things half-done behind me."

"I think that's smart. I think in your position I'd already be booking a flight to Arkanis."

Hux shook his head slowly. "I know I am safe being weak with you. I think at times it's what attracted you to me to start with. You wanted my shields down. You wanted me to relax and trust you, to show you that I found you trustworthy."

Poe chuckled a few times. When Hux glanced at him, he said, "I've said as much, yeah, but I didn't know you knew it that precisely."

"I do." Hux shrugged. "I would rather present myself to her as having my life in order instead of the transition we are in now. I can always lower my shields later, but I want to come off as competent to start with."

Poe nodded. "A month from now then. That puts a date on it."

"Thirty years of not knowing," Hux said softly after a few strides. "My father forbade the subject. After he was dead, I found our pilot, the bounty hunter who'd been sent to get us off Arkanis. His name was Mercurial Swift. He said my father had showed up to the departure point with blood on his hands and me in tow. He didn't say anything about how I was. I didn't think to ask.

"Rae told me not to dwell on the past. 'Look to the future,' she told me. 'With your father's death, we're the only family you have. The only real family you ever had.' I hope she was wrong."

"Rey?" Poe asked, perplexed. "Why would she have an opinion about your family?"

"Rae Sloane," Hux explained. "She was kind to me in many ways, but she was also very … practical." They both turned at the low hum of an aircar. For a second, neither reacted beyond looking in the direction of the sound. Then Hux grabbed Poe's shoulder with one hand and yanked, drawing his blaster with the other. "Under the trees!"

"That's my dad!" Poe squawked, having a fine ear for engines and familiar with that one in particular. But he went anyway, pulling his own blaster as he ran with Hux. By the time they were under cover, they'd been seen. The car settled to the ground in the middle of the path. It was, as Poe had said, his father's.

"How do you know who's flying it?" Hux asked, but his blaster was pointed at the ground in front of them and not at the car.

"I'll use the Force." Poe looked at him, then looked at the aircar and squinted. He had absolutely no idea how to detect a life force. When Kylo and the others did it, it seemed like the easiest thing there was.

Hux arched his brows. "The Force?"

The door opened. Kes emerged and immediately sat down on the floor of the cargo area, letting his feet dangle to the ground and flashing both empty hands at them in surrender. "Hey! Your ice cream is melting. Good instincts, but it's just me."

"See?" Poe said. "It worked." He was lying, of course.

"It did not. He was coming out anyway."

Poe grinned. He holstered his blaster and walked out. Hux followed several steps behind, scanning the sky just in case. He waited until they were to the aircar to put away his blaster.

Kes said, "Want a ride back home?"

"Sure," Poe answered.


	43. Police Powers

Poe sat in the co-pilot's seat. Hux folded out a jump seat in the back. As they got off the ground and continued on, Kes called back, "How was the walk? You still feeling queasy?"

"Not so much. It was fine."

"Good to hear. What was the call earlier? Birnham? What got you upset?"

"My mother is," Hux cleared his throat before going on, "my mother is alive."

Kes was silent for several long beats. He looked at Poe sharply, then back ahead, as they came up on the house and he steered to park in front of the shed. "When did she die? No, when did you  _think_  she died?"

"When I was … five."

They settled to the ground. Kes put the engines into shutdown cycle and turned. "Where is she?"

"On Arkanis."

"You were born on Arkanis, right?"

"Yes." Hux stood and folded up the jump seat.

"Did you ever look for her there?"

"No. I thought she was dead."

"Yeah, okay." Kes scratched at his ear. "I gotta admit I don't go looking for people I think have been dead for years. That's pretty big news." He looked at Poe and asked him, "You went looking for her? What made you think she was alive?"

"I didn't. I wanted to know for sure."

Kes stood up. "That is really big news. You want a hug?"

Hux glanced from Kes to Poe, then said, "I guess?"

Kes enveloped him and patted his back a few times. "Congratulations, I hope."

"Yes," Hux said. "I think so."

* * *

Inside the house, they settled around the dinner table – Poe and Hux with deluxe sundaes large enough to be a meal, and Kes with a savory orange and brown soup.

"What's her name?" Kes asked.

"Liyema Ridware," Hux pronounced carefully.

"Li- Doesn't Arkanis have a Leeya in charge?"

"Empress Leeya, yes."

"She controls the Regency Worlds, right?"

"Yes. Leeya succeeded Teeda and the Regency Worlds includes Arkanis. I've met her – Empress Leeya, that is. She was part of the negotiations over the galactic government."

"Oh? How was she?"

"Opinionated. Inconveniently pro-imperial."

"Why would that be inconvenient? The First Order and the Empire are peas in the same fascist pod."

"Peas?"

"Peas in a pod," Kes explained. "Things that fit within another thing. Pieces to a set. The First Order and Empire were both totalitarian, fascist governments with a lot in common with one another, so they were peas in the same pod."

"Ah. Well, when one is engaged in changing the nature of the organization, the peas might be understandably upset about losing their pod."

"What, did she want the First Order to stay in charge?"

"More or less. Actually, she wanted the Empire reborn and was not pleased my goal was different. She said just because I wasn't born with the bona fides to be an emperor didn't mean there weren't others suited for the job."

"Bona fides?"

Hux gave him a level look, then his head swiveled to Poe. Poe shrugged. "Yavin's … well, parts of Yavin are pretty tied up about marriage or not-marriage, but it never has anything to do with the kids."

"What, I'm not following? What does marriage have to do with it?" Kes asked. "Do you have to be married with kids to be an emperor on Arkanis? To secure the dynasty or something?"

Hux blinked at him. "Well, that's … no. That's an interestingly different cultural take on it. But on Arkanis, as on many imperial worlds, the marriage of one's parents and the official joining of families, their resources, and their objectives, is considered a prerequisite to the children being considered full citizens and people of any class or worth."

"Class," Poe said quietly.

"What's that?" Hux asked.

"You've always been trying to rise above that."

"I  _have_  risen above it," he said sharply. To Kes, he said, "My father was married, but not to my mother. The empress knew."

"She didn't think you could be an emperor because your parents weren't married?" Kes laughed a little. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

Hux shrugged. "Perhaps it's ridiculous from the Yavin perspective. The First Order did away with the concept almost entirely, converting familial loyalties to the Order."

"That's overtly fascist," Kes said. "You're telling me that was intentional?"

"Are we really going to talk about politics here?" Poe asked.

"Yeah, we are," Kes said.

"I never said it wasn't," Hux said. "Yes, it was intentional. The entire social structure was. It was a means to an end. That end was accomplished."

"But it was evil all along the way," Kes said.

Poe covered his face with both hands.

"Call it whatever you like," Hux said. "It was effective. The Order was not established to uphold your moral code."

"Do you really want to rule over an empire of corpses? Are the smoking ruins of Alderaan and the Hosnian system what you want to build on?"

"If necessary, yes." Hux didn't sound offended in the least.

Kes laughed and rubbed over his mouth and chin. "You really believe that!"

"How else does anyone rule? All police powers are based on force. The Resistance and the Rebellion were not peaceful protests. They involved a great deal of killing. Would you have preferred to build your Republic on a battlefield of corpses left behind by violent, lawless revolt? Is that somehow morally superior?"

"What would you have us do? Just lay down and die?"

"The same thing the Old Republic did for a thousand years. Argue. Hash it out. Same as we're doing here and not shooting one another over a difference in opinion."

Kes pursed his lips. He looked at Poe, who said, "I've already had this argument. I'm just waiting for someone to take things personally and get angry, so I know who I need to drag away from the table."

Kes laughed. "I'm not taking it personally. I'm glad he's willing to stand up for himself, even if I think he's  _dead wrong_." He grinned over at Hux tauntingly when he said it.

Hux snorted and kept eating his ice cream, ignoring Kes' jibe.

Kes said, "You'd make a pretty scary emperor, though, with that attitude. We dodged that one for sure."

Hux snorted again. "Ha. Name one thing I did wrong as emperor."

Kes hesitated, then did a double-take. "You … you weren't the emperor. You were a grand marshal." He looked over at Poe, who was trying to contain a chortle.

Hux shrugged smugly like he'd won the argument. "As I suspected. You can't come up with anything. My reign was entirely blameless. It will go down as the most pristine record of any galactic ruler in history."

Kes was still looking between the two of them. "What do you mean, you were the emperor? We've only had the one emperor."

Hux relented a little. "You're right – they kept the title of grand marshal as it was being used in the First Order, but as far as executive authority it was the same thing. They just repurposed the supreme chancellor's description for the Republic side of it."

"Who's this 'they'?" Kes asked, leaning forward.

"Your Republic – the morally upright one that laid down and somehow did not die, because death is not the automatic result of surrender. The assembled galactic government and their stand-ins granted me citizenship and installed me as the head of government under various military powers acts, given the smoking ruins of Hosnian Prime and the fractured nature of what was left. I then extended this citizenship to all members of the First Order and empowered the interim committee in their business of setting up a new government, something I could only do because of the sweeping authority invested in me at that point."

"You … You were the emperor." He looked at Poe. "I told you he was the emperor! And you never told me he was the emperor!" He looked back at Hux. "You were the kriffing emperor?"

"You're not making a lot of sense, Dad," Poe said.

"No, I'm trying to wrap my mind around that," Kes said. "It actually went that far? I'd heard it did, but I thought that was wild conspiracy theories because there's no reason anyone would give it up if it had."

"When I told you he gave it all up, Dad," Poe said, "I meant he gave it  _all_  up." Kes looked at him blankly. "He did."

Kes shook his head and looked back to Hux. "What happens if the interim committee that's working through things right now gets deadlocked or they don't get around to making a new government? Are you still in charge?"

"No. I resigned," Hux said, "I'm done."

"Why did you … What would have happened if you didn't resign? If you'd kept it?"

"I suppose they would have shot me," Hux said.

"That would have caused war," Kes said. "The First Order would have never disbanded. They would have promoted one of those admirals to grand marshal and we'd be right back in the same boat, just without a treaty."

Poe nodded. "And the Order had their core worlds under control, the  _Supremacy_  repaired, and he'd made sure none of the Republic worlds had been able to rebuild their fleets." Hux glanced at him. "Yeah," Poe told him, "I looked into it after you mentioned the assassination attempts. What happens to the galaxy if one of them works? Everyone's fucked, that's what happens."

Hux shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe they wouldn't have shot me. But we had it all planned out. Me retaining power or them shooting me wasn't part of the plan. I did what I was supposed to and that was that."

"But you didn't _have_  to." Kes looked stunned.

Poe chuckled as his father continued to boggle.

Hux said, "I don't know why you're both hung up on that. My mission was complete. I had other things I wanted to do. It's very simple."

"Other things you wanted to do, like my son, huh?" Kes looked to Poe, who shrugged happily. "You said your marriage wasn't contingent on anything for you, but what about for him? He resigned, what, a few weeks ago? You'd already proposed and accepted. If he didn't resign, then what? Were you still going to marry him?"

"Yes, Dad," Poe said. "There have never been conditions like that for either of us. I guess you would have been the emperor's father-in-law then."

"Sounds like I am anyway. And by the way, I'm glad to hear none of it was about politics, for both of your sakes."

"Your son is a treasure and joy, Mr. Dameron. Kes." Hux said it in a soft, genuine tone. "I would give up everything and anything for him, precisely because he asks so little of me."

Kes stared at him, then blinked a few times and sniffed.

Hux scraped the bottom of his sundae container and continued as though he'd either not noticed the emotion, or was politely not calling attention to it. "They left the title 'grand marshal' because of that reaction you had – 'emperor' is no longer fashionable in many venues. But it's still in vogue in the Regency Worlds. Empress Leeya disapproved of representational government as anything other than an advisory board. She didn't get her way, which is an endemic feature of government regardless of the form."

"Okay." Kes leaned back in his chair and put both hands flat on the table. He was still looking between Hux and Poe like he was moved. "That's a lot to take in at once." He changed the subject. "But you found your mother. Are you going to call her? Put in a request to go visit? What are you going to do?"

Hux cleared his throat. "I haven't decided yet. I just found out today. What would you do if you were in my position?"

"That's the same thing you asked me," Poe observed.

"It gives me good information," Hux answered. "I use it a lot."

"I think I'd call her. Give her some warning. Let her sit with it a while. That's how Poe handled telling me about you and I think it was a good idea." Kes leaned forward again and went back to his soup. "I mean, it might strike a person as cowardly not to be face to face, but I didn't take it that way. I appreciated the opportunity to do a little research and not be put on the spot right off. It was the right way to handle it. Of course," he nodded at Poe, "he knows me pretty well."

Hux nodded. "That's a good idea, also."

Poe said, "You could go a middle route. Let me talk to her. I'll give introductions and tell her we're going to visit in a month. So you can see your step-mother, tourist, whatever. She can come see us or not. It takes the pressure off, or at least some of it."

"You have a step-mother, too?" Kes asked. To Poe, he said, "You told me he didn't have any family at all?"

"I don't consider her a relation," Hux said. "I have no memory of her, we aren't biologically related, and she either approved of my father enough to marry him or was an unwitting victim who is likely pleased to be free of him. In either case, 'step-mother' might be legally true, but it implies a level of relationship that doesn't exist here."

Poe gave him a long look. Hux said, "What?"

"I think you need to talk to her, too," Poe said. "Everything you just said, other than the biology, can be applied to your mother just the same."

Hux huffed. "I've resented Maratelle for thirty years."

"Because of your father. Not because of anything she did."

"She agreed to marry him," Hux said.

"Arkanis marriage represents a joining of families, right?" Poe asked.

"Yes."

Poe nodded. "Is it unreasonable for me to assume arranged marriages are common, then?"

Hux sighed and looked away. "Honestly, I never looked into it. I never needed to. It was the past. It didn't matter."

"Now you have a chance to," Kes said. "In any case, there's paperwork we'll need to file here on Yavin that allows you to leave without revoking the residency petition. Seeing a known family member, whether you resent her or not, is one of the regularly-granted reasons for exemption. It still has to be processed for approval, but it should be straightforward. It'll give you a few weeks to research, think about it, or talk on the transmitter – however you want to do it."


	44. Necking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six. Night.

Poe came to him as he sat on the bed. "That was so nice, what you said about me earlier," Poe said. "You said a bunch of really nice things about me today." He kissed Hux's shoulder and looked up at him in question.

Hux knew what he was asking for. He could feel the desire in Poe. It thrilled him to know he was wanted. "I said nothing but the truth, darling. It is easy to find compliments for one as praiseworthy as you. Come here?" Hux moved so his back was against the headboard. Poe came with him, kissing his cheek and holding his face to Hux's, cheek-to-cheek, as he began to unbutton Hux's pajama top. Hux ran his nose along the curve of Poe's ear. He wondered if he should bite it. Would Poe like that?

Poe's hand came up and touched lightly on his face. Hux twitched from it. Having Poe against his face on one side and hand on the other was too much. Poe dropped his hand to his throat and hovered there for a moment. Hux didn't pull away, not even when Poe's fingers settled in on either side.

But when Poe's hand tightened on his throat, even though it was gentle and brief, he tensed. His nostrils flared. Too quickly to be sexy, Hux snatched the back of Poe's wrist with one hand and inserted his other hand, palm outward, in front of Poe's to isolate it from his throat. By that point, Poe had released and withdrawn a few inches. Hux pushed the hand away from him slowly, scanning Poe's face and the feel of his emotions. As he was so often and so generously, Poe was calm. He let go of Poe's wrist.

"…the ones on your throat," Poe said slowly, nodding to himself.

"What?" Hux turned his hand and touched at his own throat. "Is there something there?" He wasn't happy to have ruined the moment.

"No. Back on Naboo, when you had all the bruises on your back, I remember you said something about having treated the ones on your throat. You were strangled, weren't you?"

"Yes."

"How did that happen?"

Hux sighed. "I wish I were not such a problem. I didn't mean to have … interrupted things."

"You aren't a problem. What happened?"

"I can feel your desire ebbing."

Poe shrugged. "It comes and goes. Do you feel my love ebbing?"

"… No."

"Okay." Poe looked at him patiently.

Hux sighed. The quickest way through seemed to be explaining. "After Snoke's death, Kylo Ren assumed command of the First Order. There are rules for such a thing. He ignored them. Although we were in a crisis situation during war and he was in the chain of command … somewhere … his claim was inappropriate. We disagreed over who was in command."

"You mean … he tried to kill you."

"If he had tried to kill me, I would be dead. He tried to intimidate me, which he succeeded at. I affirmed his claim."

"He intimidated  _you_?" It was both flattering and embarrassing that Poe seemed impressed by that.

"He can be quite intimidating. It was a very stressful time. The ship was in pieces, so was Snoke, I hadn't slept for days, the remains of the Resistance were getting away, and I wondered if the ship had been infiltrated by more than the pair of would-be saboteurs I was aware of. I was not in the most assertive and clear-headed state of mind. Neither was he, at least in regard to 'clear-headed'. What was more interesting to me once I had time to think about it was that neither of us killed the other – both of us were hesitant at a time when we each had reason. It's not like either of us was a stranger to murder."

Poe pursed his lips and blinked a few times. "Okay. That was, what, a week before I saw you guys on Naboo? You were willing to fight for him personally by then. That's a long way to go in a few days."

Hux tipped his head. "You and I have gone further. If you will recall, even then on Naboo, I was telling you Ren and I were improving our relationship. I watched him struggle through assuming a job that was far outside his competency, while trying to shrug off as much adverse conditioning as I'd been through. It was a very relatable struggle. So much so that by the time you told me, on Naboo, that your goal was to make me hesitate before violence, it was a message I was open to."

Hux touched Poe's hand again. "He gave me respect. You gave me something even better: affection." Hux smiled and leaned in, whispering to him, "And very personalized, intimate attention." He nuzzled the side of Poe's face, or what Hux thought of as a nuzzle. He supposed it was. He rubbed his nose against the side of Poe's and against the softer skin under his eye. If the deep breath and whispered, "Yeah," from Poe were any indication, he liked it. Comfortingly, the desire was still there.

Poe reached up and lightly cupped the back of his neck, keeping his hand there as they separated. "I've touched your neck before and you've been fine. But … no choking, or that particular grip?"

"I don't know. Here. It should be simple enough to find out." He took Poe's hand and positioned it on the front of his throat. Hux could feel his upper lip and face twitch as he adjusted it to where he wanted it.

"You okay?" Poe asked, keeping his hand where Hux had put it, but looking concerned about the grimacing, plus whatever other emotions he was picking up about it.

"Yes. This is where my uneasiness is worst." He pressed Poe's fingers more firmly into his flesh, then moved the hand away and let go of it. "I want this back."

"What's that?" Poe looked from his discarded hand to Hux's throat and then to his eyes.

"I want you to be able to touch me like that, should it come up between us innocently as it has. The Force has taken that from me and I want it back. So. Touch me there anyway and please be patient with my reactions, as you always are. If it becomes too much, I'll stop you. But I ask that instead of avoiding it, you intentionally touch me there more often. Gently. Carefully. As you do."

Poe nodded slowly. "I get it. So he choked you with the Force?"

"Yes. Did I not mention that?" Hux thought back. "No, I don't think I did. The rest of the bruises were from the same. He never laid hands on me directly. Neither did Snoke." There was that one time on the bridge with Ren, but it hardly counted.

"It was all through the Force for you." Poe's brows tilted upward in sympathy and sorrow. He put his hand on the back of Hux's neck again. He petted him a little, then slid his hand around to the front, cupping one side of his throat. "Is this okay, like this?"

"This is fine. I like you touching me."

"I like touching you." Poe moved his other hand to the back of Hux's head. "I like putting my hands on you." He fluffed his hair. Hux let his eyes shut and his head tilt forward as he let himself be lost in the sensations. Under his jaw, Poe shifted his other hand, stroking up and then down. He worked the heel of his hand to Hux's trachea, the Adam's apple resting in the indentation at the base of his hand. Hux swallowed, feeling the resistance against it. Poe smiled softly and kept fluffing his hair. "I really like doing this sort of thing for you. I'm always amazed that you're so … determined, I guess, to get past this stuff."

"Those people will not have me!" Though his words were shot through with malice and hate, Hux stayed where he was and he wasn't especially tense as he spoke. What Poe was doing felt wonderful. He breathed harder. He rested his hands on Poe's waist. "I am more than any of them. More than my father. More than Snoke. More than those who have laughed at me or sneered or went the other way when they saw me coming. I am more than what has happened to me. I am myself, whole and entire." He heaved a deep sigh. "And … I am yours."

Poe nodded. "I know," he crooned. "You said I was a joy, and a treasure, and you trust me, and you're willing to be weak with me. I love you so much. Oh, sweetie." He paused, a sort of mental question tagged to the pet name. Hux nodded, leaving his eyes shut and enjoying both the physical petting and emotional strokes.

Poe turned his thumb so it extended on the other side of Hux's throat, like if he were trying to choke him, although the positioning was poor. Hux felt himself tense. He pressed the side of his head to Poe's face. Poe moved his thumb back to the other side. They sat quietly for a while, doing no more than Poe playing with his hair and alternating between putting his hand in a mostly-choking position and then moving it back.

When Hux realized he was no longer tensing each time Poe moved his hand, he moved one of his own back and forth along Poe's waistband, fingers curled inside of it. Poe shifted his hips, bit his lower lip, and pressed his face back against him. Hux pushed his hand inside Poe's pajama pants, finding his erection easily. It was hard and hot in his hand. He tried and failed to avoid the wet at the top of it, then decided that was something he'd live with. As before, the thing felt odd in his hand – heavy, like it ought to hurt Poe to be like this. He knew it didn't hurt. He could feel the echoes of pleasure in Poe's mind.

Poe shifted one hand to cup the back of Hux's neck. The other he reached down to help out. Hux told him, "No, not yet. Let me feel you more."

Poe made a small nod. He rose on his knees a little to rock his hips against Hux's hand. "I should have brought the lube."

"You could go get it." It couldn't be further away than the dresser.

"If I could use the Force to bring it to me, I would."

"Ah. Ancient, sacred, mystical powers being used for sexual gratification. How crude."

Poe whispered in his ear, "Hugs, making love with you is the most sacred thing I've ever done." He kissed the skin in front of Hux's ear, making him shiver. "The Force itself has sanctified our union. This is holy to me. I mean that seriously."

Hux shivered again to hear him speak that way. He gripped Poe harder, pulling up and down. "That's so perverted it's arousing."

"I'm turning you on now, huh?"

"A little, maybe." Hux moved his head to touch his tongue to Poe's earlobe.

Poe sucked in a breath and let it out. "Yeah?"

Hux did it again, pumping at him all the while. He licked it, then wrapped his lips around it and sucked lightly.

"Fuck," Poe breathed. "I'm, um- Please?" He nudged at Hux's hand and Hux let him replace his grip on Poe's shaft. Poe jerked himself faster.

Hux focused himself on mouthing the man's ear, breathing lightly in it, and sucking at the soft lobe. He set his teeth to it, biting lightly and shifting them back and forth. Poe whined. So he did like it.

Poe's fingers curled at the back of Hux's neck and his hips jerked. His breathing roughened. Hux pulled back and pressed his forehead to Poe's, staring him right in the eyes as he came. Poe's hips twitched a few more times before his dilated eyes glazed and unfocused.

Hux turned and kissed Poe's slack lips very gently. "I think you're right. This is beautiful. If there is anything sacred in this universe, it is this."


	45. Dark Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day six/seven. Night.

 

Hux stood before Snoke's throne, the sectioned body arrayed before him. The air was heavy with smoke. The ship trembled slightly beneath his boots. The uneti tree was nearby – he could sense it, but didn't know where it stood. Perhaps in both the literal and metaphorical sense.

He looked over his shoulder as he had when this had happened in reality. Kylo Ren wasn't lying on the floor. He was sitting next to a burner, a bowl in one hand and an eating utensil in the other. He looked happy. Shadowy figures were seated similarly around the fire. Hux was fairly sure he could make out Rey closest to him. It was like how Snoke had reached out to Hux across light years and made his presence known in Hux's head. Hux had felt it happen countless times. There was no special trick to it.

Ren turned his head from whatever conversation he'd been having and met Hux's eyes. There was an odd feeling, like Ren was really there, or was something other than another figment in Hux's imagination. Maybe Snoke was letting Hux see him? But wasn't Snoke dead? He'd just been looking at his corpse.

Ren said, "Hux?"

"This is  _my_  dream. Mind your own business. You're supposed to be unconscious and lying on the floor, not eating next to a campfire."

Ren blinked at him. "How are you doing this?" To Rey, next to him, he said, "It's Hux."

"I have the Force now. I don't need you involved."

"He says he has the Force." Ren turned back to Hux, looking puzzled. "The Force? How?"

"I didn't contact you! Go away. You'll wake me up. I'm trying to work something out."

"You  _did_  contact me. Who's with you? I can sense them." Ren's brows pulled together and Hux could sense his attention expanding. "They must be helping you do this."

Poe was there, and the tree, somehow. Hux blocked them both off, bringing up darkness to protect them from Ren's eyes. The ship shuddered around them. His breath came faster. He felt strained. "I told you! I'm dreaming! I also told you to go away! Can't I get any privacy in my own head, even with you half the galaxy away?"

Ren glanced around at the dimness of the old throne room, seeming to recognize the place. "The dark side," he said quietly. "We'll talk again when you're awake." He disappeared.

Hux shook his head and turned back to Snoke. He staggered. He was very tired for some reason. He let the natural light of the place flow back in, but it still wasn't very bright. Snoke's body lay in shadow. It seemed to have fallen in on itself while he was looking away, or it was dried out or something.

"This is rich soil," the uneti tree said of Snoke's body. "Compost and humus. You should eat it for strength."

"What?"

"Eat it."

"That's not what you mean."

"Let your roots run deep. Absorb the past. Bring it into yourself. Build and grow into the future with it."

"I guess it  _is_  what you mean, as far as a plant is concerned. I don't suppose it would matter much to you which animal eats which other." He squatted down next to Snoke's torso. The outfit still retained the shape of his body, but the body within was indistinct. He told the remains, "I'd like to ignore you and pretend none of this ever happened."

The tree told him, "You will be stunted if you do that. Every wind will blow you over. Deep roots give you strength. Grow around the rocks. Hold to them. They will anchor you during storms."

He tried to touch the skin of Snoke's face (the body was relatively whole again), but he couldn't make his hand extend that much. "How do I eat it? There isn't anything literal to this, is there?"

"His bones are yours. Nourish yourself. It is within you already."

He was still crouched next to Snoke's body, but now they were behind Kes' house where the uneti tree stood in its usual place. Hux's fingers finally managed to cross the short distance and touched the cold, smooth skin of Snoke's cheek. He frowned at it. The body shouldn't be real, but it felt like it was. "I launched this body into a star."

"And now you burn bright."

He looked up at the trunk of the tree, somehow knowing that its smooth, cold bark would feel just like Snoke's cheek. He remembered another body that was 'his' – he'd dumped his father's ashes unceremoniously into the sea next to Grafson Academy on Lanson Down.

"Fire and water," said the tree and Hux thought it was referring to Snoke's cremation and his disposal of Brendol's remains. "Poe is sky. You are earth. Grow in the light. You have brought it in your life for that reason."

If there was more to the dream, he didn't retain it. Maybe there was something else about the light? But he was tired and lay down on the grass, which felt like a mattress. Poe was next to him. That was all he needed.


	46. Morning Urges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day seven. Morning.

 

Poe woke to the beginning of an erection against his buttock. It probably wasn't what had woken him, but it was the first thing he focused on. Hux was snuggled up behind him and making little huffing, uncomfortable noises. That was probably what had woke him up. Hux groaned. It was such a small, intimate sound, comfortable, naked. It was the sort of thing Poe longed to hear from him. It was worth losing sleep for that.

He wasn't sure Hux was awake, though. He'd felt what it was like when Hux fell asleep and the thin, attenuated awareness that persisted after. This was more than that, but not the richer, deeper impression he had when Hux was awake and their minds were … touching. Or however one was supposed to characterize this bond they had. What was going on now was more ephemeral. It was like Hux's attention was drifting, looking for something.

Was he awake? Was he asleep? Was he dreaming? Hux made a tiny, needy noise and shifted his hips against Poe's ass. It was delicious, whatever state he was in.

"Are you awake?" Poe said in a low voice.

Hux jerked with a sudden intake of breath, then settled. Poe could feel Hux's consciousness resolve. "What?"

"Sorry. I didn't know if you were asleep. Guess so."

"Yes." Hux was silent. He moved a hand to Poe's hip, laying it carefully. It rested there. The remainder of Hux's body was still. Waiting. His attention was very focused at the moment, fixed on Poe.

"Go ahead," Poe said in the same low voice. "Please. I'd love for you to." He was hard at the very prospect, much harder than the soft, warm bulge against him. He'd seen Hux get off once. If he wanted to do it again, if Poe was what his mind had been looking for, then Poe wasn't about to object.

Hux swallowed and put his face into Poe's hair. His fingers found the line of Poe's hip bone and curled around it, holding him tighter, possessively. Hux pressed forward with his hips in a single motion, not thrusting exactly, just pressing. His erection felt hotter against Poe's flesh. Poe palmed himself to adjust his position, but otherwise left himself alone. He wasn't sure how this worked for Hux and given Hux had never done this with a partner, Poe assumed Hux didn't know either. The last and only other time, Hux had forbidden any contact, so Poe went with that.

Hux held to him for several seconds before easing off, then did it again. He breathed in, out, then held it for a few seconds before repeating. He pressed himself to Poe five times and at no point rapidly enough for Poe to have called it a thrust.

Hux exhaled in a huff and sagged away. Poe blinked, looking forward into the room before him, then turning his eyes toward Hux behind him. He sensed satisfaction and completion, which seemed odd for having done so little. "Are you … did you come?"

"No." Defensiveness. "I don't always. It's just an urge. It passed. It does that."

"Thank you for sharing that with me." Poe nodded once. "I'm glad I was here for it. So we did it together."

The sense of insecurity from Hux faded. Hux rolled close to him again and kissed his neck and cheek, then pressed his forehead against the side of Poe's head and breathed in his ear like he had the night before. Poe's face scrunched up. Hux must have sensed it was too much because he shifted and slid his nose behind Poe's ear, rubbing on it and seeming to play around with the positioning.

"We're still getting used to each other," Poe murmured. "I love all these first times we get to have."

Hux nodded. He stroked Poe's side and air-kissed his hair as affectionately as many did in post-coital bliss. Poe supposed that was what counted as orgasmic for him.

Poe palmed himself again, slipping his hand inside his pajamas. "Do you mind if I go?"

"No." Hux scooted back to roll Poe onto his back, where he rubbed his lips and the tip of his nose on Poe's face. "Do you want my help?"

"Can you … project to me? Mentally?"

Hux considered that. "Yes. Anything in particular?"

Poe licked his lips, pumping himself slowly. "How you feel about me?"

Hux nodded and scooted himself as close to Poe as he could get without interfering with the motions of his hand. He kissed Poe's cheek and opened the bond between them. Poe shut his eyes and opened his mouth in a slow gasp.

The feelings were intense. Love. Cherishing. Adoration. Admiration. Affection. Wanting. Vulnerability. Weak for him. And yet it might have been the strongest Hux had ever felt, when he was with Poe, when he considered that this person wanted to spend their life with him, to touch him, to sleep with him, to spend time with him in play and conversation and designing activities together so they could keep company with one another. To build a family and find friends. To create a place for themselves to grow and put down roots. Hux hadn't realized how lonely and narrow his life was until Poe had come into it. The Order, his father's legacy, the Contingency, Snoke – Hux had taken the most direct route out of it so he could be where he was now.

All of that flooded into Poe in a rising tide of impressions and emotions that left him shaking. He wasn't even sure when he'd orgasmed, but he realized his hand was wet with ejaculate and tingling all over as Hux eased back from, frankly, overwhelming him. It was like Hux had pressed whatever button in his brain was associated with sexual arousal and kept it mashed down until he came.

"Whoa ... I feel like I just went kriffing cross-eyed."

"That didn't take long," Hux said in a decidedly smug tone. "I suppose you liked that?" The bond was still there, simmering in the background. He hadn't ended it entirely.

Poe rolled over to kiss him passionately in answer.

Hux ended up on his back, a hand buried in Poe's hair as a clenched fist.  _No,_  Hux thought to him _. Not yet, dear._

Poe eased off. The pull on his scalp was not firm (nor was the tone of Hux's thoughts alarmed), but he lifted off anyway. _Not yet … tongue?_

 _Yes. Sometime later. Not now._  Hux released the hand in his hair, stroked his head once, and pushed him back down.

Poe kissed him more gently. He didn't know how to do whatever it was Hux had done to him (nor did he know if Hux would welcome such a thing – he suspected not), but he knew how to share his feelings. Whatever concerns Hux had about the kiss melted in the face of Poe's regard for him. Hux drank it up, pulling Poe onto him and holding him tight. Hux made another sound like what had woke Poe – needy, wanting. He urged Poe's emotions for him to the forefront of his mind and saturated himself with them. Poe broke away and just held him, thankful he'd already come because of the fleeting desire to rut the man into the mattress.

Hux found that non-threatening, but wasn't pleased about the sexual nature of the position now that he was thinking about it. Poe shifted to the side, propping himself up on an elbow. Hux wiped his mouth off on his own shoulder. He made note of the bond facilitating Poe's considerateness, and also that he could tell Poe was satisfied and happy with him. He'd never had that sort of reassurance from Snoke, getting only those impressions Snoke chose to project to him. "I am enough for you," Hux said wonderingly.

Poe smiled. "Yes, you are. I love how that's a little less of a question every time you say it." He put his hand on Hux's belly, laying it flat and leaving it there. There was a warm connection humming between them. For a while, they just looked at each other, both so pleased to have found  _this person_  to be with. "I am so in love with you."

"Good."

Poe laughed and rubbed a circle on Hux's stomach.

"I'd hate for it not to be mutual," Hux said. He eased off the mental connection, dialing it back to no more than strong emotions and occasional intentions. It was tempting to do nothing more than lie there and bask in their shared feelings.

Poe nodded. "You know it is. Tell me though – what did you mean by 'sometime later' and 'not now'?"

"I had your ear lobe in my mouth last night. It was fine. I thought I might try … more."

Poe's brows rose. "Like … a kiss with tongue? Exactly what you stopped me from?"

"I didn't want you doing it right then. You might have been … carried away. You were too … enthusiastic."

"I moved too fast for you there. I saw that."

"It- Yes." He looked discomfited to admit it, but he did admit to it.

"You put the brakes on whenever you need them. When do you want to do this, though?"

"Now?"

"Now?" Poe looked down at his rumpled, sexy husband, lying on the bed relaxed and in love with him, and touched his tongue to his upper lip. "Now is gre- Uh …" He reconsidered. "Let me go brush my teeth. You, too." Poe rolled off the bed and stripped off his pajamas, excited by the prospect but keeping in mind too much enthusiasm was intimidating and worrying to Hux. "I need to clean this up, too. I'm not going to be comfortable if I'm sticking to something."

They cleaned up, saw to their usual morning needs, and returned to the bed. Hux asked, "Same position as before?"

"Nope." Poe flopped down on the mattress, face-up. He squirmed on it. "Just like under the uneti tree. I remember hearing your thoughts then." He smiled smarmily. "You're the top."

Hux snorted. "I know what that word means,  _dear_. I watched the holos." He settled next to Poe, sitting near his hip and looking down on him. "It's not true."

Poe shrugged indifferently. "I think it's true. You're my 'superior' officer." Poe curled his arm around Hux's back. "You call the shots. I take 'em." Poe licked his upper lip again. "Speaking of which, what did you have in mind?"

"That doesn't bother you?" Hux asked, giving him a searching look and not letting go of the subject.

"No. Why would it?"

Hux made a very small smile, then pressed his lips together like he was trying to conceal it. He looked embarrassed, or shy. "Well … I suppose … I'm more used to a system of subordination. Where something like that indicates a … difference in rank."

"I notice how delicately you put that," Poe said with amusement. "Listen, no one's going to haul either of us off to marriage jail for insubordination. Now, you might kick me to the curb or be done with me, but I have the same options. Whether a private or a commander, you still have the same value as a person."

Hux blinked at him a few times. His lips pinched together and he took on a quizzical expression.

Poe smiled more. "That doesn't make any sense to you, does it?"

"No." Hux shook his head. "It's false by definition."

Poe rubbed at his face. "First Order morality. What was that you said? 'Equality was a ridiculous concept'?"

"Outside of mathematics, yes. Not that I mind being the one in charge. Though I am at a considerable disadvantage in other aspects of our relationship."

"How so?"

"Your planet. Your culture. Your father's home. My food, shelter, and legal standing – possibly my very survival as long as I remain on Yavin – depends on keeping a good relationship with you. There may not be a 'marriage jail' I can be hauled off to, but you delude yourself if you think we're on equal footing here."

"You say that so matter-of-factly," Poe said with some sadness. "That's not how I want you to feel."

"I don't feel it. That's how it is."

Poe nodded. "I don't know what to say to that."

"Tell me what I already believe – I'm in no danger and the imbalance will right itself in time. It's no different from how at my mercy you were on the  _Finalizer_. Except with fewer stormtroopers waiting in the wings. What do you imagine would have happened if our relationship had soured and I did not deal with you in good faith?"

"I would not be the pilot I am if I spent all my time worrying about unlikely worst-case scenarios. You always treated me right. Most of the time, I just didn't think about you doing anything else."

Hux chuckled. "You have such faith in the galaxy."

"And in  _you_. But as far as now goes: Yes, that makes me feel better. Yes, you're in no danger. Yes, it will get sorted out later. We'll buy the shop, you'll meet your family, you'll get citizenship, at some point we might move out." He shrugged. "We'll get there."

Hux put a hand on Poe's chest. "It eases my concerns for you see things from my point of view, even if you seem unwarrantedly optimistic about it."

"You're the one setting the pace here. Do you see that?"

Hux tilted his head and shrugged ambivalently.

Poe put his hand over Hux's. "We're still in the stage here of me occasionally setting you off just by making too many quick motions – whether it's taking your bowl of ice cream or rolling you over. That's where we are right now. As I understand it, you've got thirty years of being shown you can't trust people, you can't relax, you can't let your guard down, you can't let anyone else be in control – no matter how close they are to you. Your own father?"

Poe shook his head. "You're a fast learner, but your sum total exposure to me, all added up, is a couple weeks. Being able to relax, be comfortable in my own skin, and be optimistic is a luxury – one you didn't have, one I want to share with you."

Hux breathed out heavily. "I agree – this is the best I see to … to grow. It's something I want to do with you."


	47. Tongue and Teeth

Hux put a hand on the mattress next to Poe's head, then leaned to him. He paused a few inches away. "If I'm the one giving the orders, General Dameron, then lie still and let me have my way with you." Hux came closer, his breath playing across Poe's parted lips, but instead of kissing him outright, he licked the bottom of Poe's lower lip, then placed his lips on it and sucked it between his own.

Poe groaned. He flexed his hips and clenched his toes. He let out a restless, wanting breath. But he followed orders.

Hux released him. "Are you this responsive with all your lovers? I can't imagine how you'd get very far into love-making if you were."

Poe shook his head. "No. Just you. For most of a year it's been no more than my hand and when we got together, so that might have reset my barometer. Plus, I am  _crazy_  about you. I love this slow thing we've got going on. It makes every little thing so much more intense."

"We'll see then." Hux took on a grim expression. He turned his head, opened his mouth, and kissed him. Or at least, something of a kiss. Poe was reminded that Hux had never kissed like this and was about as inept as anyone else at it. It was both charming and unpleasant. Hux's mouth was wide open, he extended his tongue as far as it would go, and there was nothing else to it for the moment. Hux lifted away, looking dissatisfied. "I don't think I'm doing it right."

"Uh, no. You want directions?"

"Yes," Hux said in an exasperated tone.

"Hey, some people don't."

"I'm not 'some people'."

"Okay. I've noticed that." They exchanged looks. Poe continued, "Now, kiss me like normal, but relax your jaw, open your mouth a little, and keep your tongue in the front third or half of my mouth. Or just at the lips. Wherever you want. Just … the tongue-fucking has its moments, but it needs to be part of something more."

"Like biting? Interesting in a moment of passion but not by itself?"

"Right."

Hux seemed to steel himself. He bent and kissed Poe normally – pursed lips moving against him – and slowly opened his mouth. His tongue teased along Poe's upper lip and Poe was in heaven. He paused it to smile and squirm happily before kissing Hux back.

 _You like this,_  Hux projected to him.

 _Oh yeah._ Poe touched Hux's side lightly as he got the first good taste of his lover's mouth. It was more than he'd ever expected.  _Ohh …_ He moaned softly, letting his own tongue slide along Hux's. It lasted a lingering handful of seconds before Hux twitched and Poe felt a spike of distaste, which he tried to answer by concentrating on how much he'd yearned for something like this. He didn't think that was the ethical thing to do, but he wanted this so much he did it anyway.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you,_  Poe chanted in his mind. The taste and feel of his partner was heavy on Poe's tongue. It shimmered through his nerves and lit him up inside.  _I loved the way I woke up with you, the sounds you were making. I love how you hold me when I come. You see me so clear. You're totally there for me._

Hux wrapped himself up in Poe's message and tried again to manage all the new sensations (and the additional layer of intimacy) without getting overwhelmed. But his mental barriers were slipping. After a few moments, Hux stopped and panted, swallowing repeatedly. It took a moment for Poe to realize he wasn't about to heave.

Poe was very concerned he'd just let Hux do something he shouldn't have. Getting thrown up on would serve him right. He laid still and waited, listening to Hux's thoughts as the man sorted himself out.

 _Stop touching me. Don't touch me. It would be rude to tell him that. Don't tell him that. He stopped anyway. He tastes. Is that toothpaste? It's not like his ear. Calm down. Don't act disgusted. Don't act like you're going to vomit. My lips tickle. They're wet. It wasn't that bad. Why am I salivating so much? Is that normal? Stop that? But how?_  He swallowed again.  _The room is small. Is that a noise outside? Is it Kes? Can he hear us? We're not noisy. Poe's watching me, these thoughts? Fuck him._

Hux chuckled once and cleared his throat. "My ... um,"  _I'm not going to apologize. Fuck him. Even Snoke had to deal with what he got_. "Thoughts are a bit uncensored."  _That's not an apology. I'm not apologizing to you. I don't want to ever. Not for being what I am. If this is how it is between us, then this is how it is._

"That's fine." The corners of Poe's eyes crinkled despite his effort to keep the smile from his face.

_He looks adorable. It makes it worth it._

Poe asked, "I'm not sure how to balance you doing things I really want, but you clearly don't, when you … want to do them anyway. What am I supposed to do here?"

"Follow orders. If you need incentive, then imagine my response and how it will change our relationship if you start setting limits on what I'm allowed to try. The only reason I'm willing to try it is because … you've left it up to me."

"Okay. Well. Yes sir, then." Poe didn't think Hux was going to traumatize himself by kissing him, but it was concerning to see in his mind how much he was pushing himself when he didn't need to. Poe was already happy without Hux taking it this far. Still, if he wanted to give Hux control, then that meant giving him control. "You know yourself. I trust you."

"I do. You taste … You have a taste."

Poe smiled tightly, not sure how much of Hux's thoughts he was supposed to be listening to, but obviously Hux knew he was and just as obviously, Hux wasn't shutting him out. "Uh … yeah. Most people do."

"That's why you wanted to taste me." He wiped at his face. "Is it always so messy?"

Poe shook his head. "No. We were a little sloppy there. If you end up doing that more, you'll get better at it. Just like you have with the other kisses." Poe touched the side of Hux's neck, attentive to the man's thoughts and responses to it. It didn't seem to irritate him, so Poe's fingers played downward. He toyed with the collar of Hux's pajama top. His dick was heavy in his pajama bottoms again. To distract himself, he paid more attention to Hux's mind.

Hux was trying to catalogue the flavor. It was sort of like the earlobe, sort of like how Poe smelled. Not at all like the taste of his own blood or that gob of flesh he bit out of his father's leg. Poe stiffened, because that was not the sort of comparison he'd been expecting, and there the thought was, in vivid detail: Hux as a child wrapping himself around his father's shin, having previously been kicked in the side, being hit across the head, laughed at, and then sinking his teeth into the soft mound of flesh at the inside of the big man's knee, grinding his sharp child's teeth until they clicked together despite the thin cloth of the pants Brendol had been wearing. It all came as a single, intense impression.

Hux's brows drew together as he realized what Poe had seen. Poe's eyes were wide, he was utterly still, and he was holding his breath. What was most shocking of all was how unemotional Hux pretended to be about the memory. It had happened; there was nothing else he wanted to think about it. It was just a bit of data, an experience to consult as necessary about things like how people tasted.

 _Kriff,_  Poe thought with a physical shudder. He'd seen a lot of things in his life, but child abuse from the inside, partly dissociated and treated as a sterile and clinical part of his being, was not something Poe had any experience with. He remembered Hux asking him if he had any idea of who he was in bed with.

Hux drew away and sat upright. He didn't close up his mind, though he considered it. There was another 'Fuck him' in that, but Hux was also worried. He felt abruptly naked, then angry at Poe for being the one to intrude into his thoughts and make him feel that way. There was a cascade of bitter emotions and a detached, almost morbid curiosity about whether Poe would recoil or reject him more than he already had. Poe took in a shaky breath, struggling with Hux seeing his response as rejection. Poe didn't want it to be a rejection, but he had no idea how to accept or even react to that.

 _I cannot take back my past_ , Hux told him through what amounted, mentally, to bared teeth. _If you're in my head, you will see it. This is what I've warned you about. I told you so!_

 _I know, I know. I don't know what to do about it._  Sure, Hux had told him about the incident and Poe had been horrified then. He was horrified again, but mostly at how numbed Hux tried to be about it. He wasn't numb – not truly – and Poe could see the more he looked that it was just a coping mechanism.

 _There is nothing_ _ **for**_ _you to do about it!_  Hux laughed scornfully. His father had always laughed about people getting hurt, especially if they had it coming to them, but he would also laugh if they didn't – because it was unexpected or undeserved or they looked particularly shocked about it. Like Poe was shocked. Hux laughed at that, too, though his mirth quickly took on a tone of hysteria. He was fucked and he knew it.

Hux tried to taunt him, _Is it too much for your delicate sensitivities?_  His father had said things like that, as well. He felt cold inside – lost and upset and angry, floundering for the right response. He didn't know how to grow with this sort of rot in his soul. He didn't know what to do with these emotions. He wanted to think his thoughts and recall his memories in peace, without someone looking at them and asking him to have feelings about them.  _You read my mind and are upset about the contents? You marry me and don't want what you end up with? You can't take it back! I won't let you!_

Poe winced, braced himself, and weathered it.  _You're talking about your insecurities, not me._

_Of course I'm talking about my insecurities! I am insecure. I am weak. I am a mess. I am a failure!_

_What? You are not-_ Hux cut him off, but as he did, Poe realized Hux was changing the subject, looking for anything to argue about instead of what had started this. Poe fell silent and let him rant.

_Yes, I am! The smallest of bribes and a bit of attention from you? And I destroyed my entire career. You said it yourself – I burned down the First Order for you. It is GONE because of what I did. What sort of soldier am I? I not only abandoned my post but destroyed everything my father ever worked for. I used to be so proud of the Hux legacy. But you cringe from it. Your father is shocked and calls me evil. I don't dare speak of it to anyone or they'll pity me. Feel sorry for me. Assuming they don't try to murder me!_

_How will I tell my mother any of this? At least with Tritt and Phasma and the others I didn't have to make excuses! You think I'm fragile? I am not! It's not because I'm strong – it's because I am already broken! I groveled, I crawled, I fouled myself, I promised anything and everything within my power. I did nothing but serve – my father, Snoke, Ren, the emperor himself in memory at least – to the absolute best of my ability! And I led the First Order to victory!_

_Yes, you did,_  Poe thought to him soberly.  _You did all those things._

Hux was shaking. As far as Poe could tell, the uneti tree was showing Hux a mental image of rocks, which Hux seemed to see as a continuation of some other unexplained conversation. It meant something to him. Hux told it to fuck off, but it kept showing him the rocks anyway. Hux ignored it the way one would a droid who persisted in giving you information you didn't want. Instead, he worried he was sabotaging things with Poe by revealing his insecurities at all. But on the other hand, he wanted to be honest. It had kept him safe with Snoke and Ren. Wouldn't it work with Poe, too?

 _I need to be held,_  Poe told him.

_I know what you're doing. You think_ _**I** _ _need to be held and you're pretending it's you so I won't lose face by doing it on your behalf._

_Um … yeah. I want to be honest, too._ So Poe repeated himself,  _That's why I still need to be held._

Hux started laughing and hugged him, but it dissolved into dry sobs almost immediately.  _Thank you for being here for me. For listening and not turning away. I can't imagine you wanted to hear any of that._

_Don't underestimate me, Hugs. I want you to know you can tell me what you're afraid of, what you're upset by, and what you're concerned about, without being criticized or judged. I'm sorry I've cringed. I'm sorry some of my reactions read to you as rejection. I don't mean them that way and I'll try to be better. Sometimes this stuff is shocking to me. And yeah, I get shocked. That's because I love you and it hurts me to imagine you getting hurt like that. I think you felt like you could be more honest with Snoke and Ren because you didn't have anything to lose. You're not going to lose me._

Hux's breathing slowed. He calmed. He thought back to how Poe had stayed silent. He'd thought that meant Poe didn't have anything to say to it; he was withdrawing; and him staying and listening was something he did reluctantly or out of duty. Now that Hux looked and touched through Poe's mind, he saw Poe had genuinely wanted to hear what he was upset about. Other than not appreciating the implication that he might want to leave because Hux had issues, he'd listened because he wanted to, because Hux was not censoring himself, and Poe thought this was what he needed to do to show Hux it was okay to talk about this stuff.

Hux remembered that moment when he'd realized Kylo Ren wasn't going to exploit him. He could, but he wasn't going to and had even gone so far as to be belligerently protective of him. It had been a strange, marvelous feeling. Like the one he had now.  _You want me anyway? Even when I'm like this? I'm a mess. That was true as well._

_Yes. I want you. I took those vows, too. I've been looking all my life for someone to be with forever. You're the one. Besides, I've known you were a hot mess from the moment I laid eyes on you._

Hux laughed and pressed his lips to the side of Poe's neck. A bit of the earlier exchange played back in his head: _'I don't know what to do with that'_ and _'There is nothing_ _ **for**_ _you to do',_ except the roles were reversed this time. Hux thought,  _You think I'm being ridiculous._

_Yeah, you are. But that's okay. I need you to know I think it's okay. Be as ridiculous as you want. Do you see that?_

_Yes._ And he did, deep down.

 _By the way, your dad was a horrible person_ , Poe thought to him. _I'm glad you bit him. I'm also glad I don't taste anything like him._

 _I … I think this validation is what I need to hear more than anything else. And no, you don't taste like him._ Hux pulled away a little and switched to speaking. "Did you know the uneti tree tells me you are the sky to me – the stars that I have looked out on since I was a child and dreamed about?"

"The tree said that?"

"More or less. It speaks in metaphors, as best I can unravel. But in my dreams my mind renders it into words. Assuming I'm not just talking to myself, which is possible."

"When was this?"

"Last night."

"A sexy dream? Given the way you woke up …"

Hux chuckled. "No. I don't think there was much overlap there. It was telling me I needed to digest my past. I saw in your mind that you thought I'd closed myself off from my feelings. I'm not supposed to have 'feelings' about these things."

"Oh, you  _have_  feelings about it." Hux looked at him steadily. "You  _do_ ," Poe said again since he had the impression Hux doubted him. "I don't want to be telling you what you feel, but you've asked me a couple times to help you with that so I hope this isn't out of line?"

Hux shook his head slightly. "It's not. Go on."

"If you didn't feel anything about it, you wouldn't be getting upset when it comes up – you get loud, you get sensitive, and you start running yourself down. If you've been told not to feel and just keep doing your duty no matter what? The bruises, the sunburn, getting beat up at work? I can't imagine anyone could go through that for thirty years of that without internalizing it."

"Perhaps that is the message. I'll-" He stopped. Poe stiffened as Rey pinged at his consciousness. Hux asked, "Poe?"


	48. Rey

"Poe?" Hux asked again.

"Rey's contacting me. Mentally. Hang on."  _Yeah? Rey?_

_Poe. Is everything okay?_

_Um, sure? Why, what's up? I tried to call you a few days ago, but the transmission didn't connect. You were out of range or something._

_Kylo said Hux contacted him a few hours ago in a dream. He was a little disjointed – Hux, not Kylo; Kylo thought Hux was literally dreaming and might not have known what he was doing – but Kylo said he was … he was channeling a_ lot _of dark side power. What's going on? Is he okay? Are you okay?_

 _Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. He's right here, by the way, but … well, he's getting dressed now._ Poe covered his eyes and looked down, not sure how much Rey could see of his consciousness.

_Yeah. Kay._

He had the distinct impression she'd seen that, or at least she'd seen enough of his thoughts to know what he was trying to conceal.  _Ug. Sorry._

_Is he okay?_

_Yeah, I think so._ Poe paused to ask, "You're okay, right?"

Hux gave him an odd look. "Yes. I can sense your attention is elsewhere, but that's all."

Poe nodded.  _He says he's good. What I wanted to talk to you about a few days ago is that we started sensing each other's emotions and then it sort of … changed? We can read each other's thoughts now. We … seem to have a bond of some kind. I wanted to know what an 'awakening' felt like. Because I think he and I are going through one._

 _Oh._ She was quiet for a moment.

_Are you talking to Kylo? I sense him there._

_Yes, hold on._

Poe looked over at Hux, who was dressed now. Hux leaned over to kiss him on the forehead, then left the room.

Rey's attention returned _. I guess this answers whether he has the Force._

_Oh yeah, he's got it. No doubt about that. I've felt it._

_What else has happened?_

_Nothing much. He was, um, kind of upset about it at first. But things are better now. We've been practicing._

_Doing what?_

_Just talking to each other. That's it. I haven't noticed any other abilities, if that's what you mean._

_The amount of power it takes to reach out this far is … significant. I can only do it because Kylo's with me._

_I was with Hugs. I was asleep, though. Does that count? Maybe it was the tree?_

_The tree?_

_The uneti tree. It's intelligent. It talks to Hux in dreams. It hasn't said much to me. I don't think it knows a language. I feel it in my head though, sometimes._

Kylo said something in the background. Rey said, _Is it a vergence?_

_I … uh … I guess so? Maybe? I think even Hugs thinks so. The tree's enormous. The only explanation for its size is if it feeds off Force energy somehow. Or channels it. Something. I really don't understand it. That's why I tried to call you a few days ago. I thought maybe you could talk me through some of this stuff. We're flying by the seat of our pants here._

Kylo said something else. Rey seemed to nod in Poe's mind _. We're coming to Yavin._

_Wait, what? When?_

_Now? No, a few days from now?_

Poe straightened where he was sitting on the bed. His head came up. _You can go wherever you want, but let me clear you coming_ _ **here**_ _with a few people first, okay? I have been delivering one shock to the system after another to my poor, long-suffering husband and this is one I can control. If he's not ready for guests, then_ _ **you aren't coming.**_ _Okay?_

Rey was silent for a moment, which had nothing to do with talking to Kylo. Poe didn't back down from the emphasis he'd used, nor did he apologize for it. _Okay,_ she said. _I'll contact you again later?_

_That's good. Thank you._

The contact ended. Poe shook his head and got dressed. He walked out to find Hux and Kes at the breakfast table in deep conversation about how the financial industry on Yavin worked. Poe helped himself to toast, gathering from what he overheard that Hux had decided to go ahead with buying the speeder from Braxen. Poe slid over a saucer with a piece of plain toast on it to Hux and sat next to him.

"I'll let him know you're coming over," Kes said, concluding their talk.

Hux turned to Poe. "How did the conversation go with Rey?"

"Good, I guess. You were apparently using massive Force powers in your dreams last night. Enough to alarm people across the galaxy." Poe chortled about that as he borrowed a sip from Hux's caf to wash down his toast. He telegraphed his motion, watching to see if it was the abruptness that set Hux off, or taking something that was otherwise 'his'.

Hux watched with a fond expression. "Really? Should I be concerned? Is … anyone hurt?"

"No. No harm done." Poe slid the caf back in front of Hux, who touched the side of the cup briefly but didn't pick it up or take hold of it possessively. "They were just surprised. I guess you get some kind of power-up from being next to your bondmate, at a vergence, with a Force-tree helping you out."

"Hm." Hux took a sip of his drink.

"Given that they think it  _is_  a vergence, they want to come visit. I told them not until you were okay with it."

Hux took a bite out of the toast Poe had brought him. When he had swallowed, he asked, "Are they already on their way?"

"Not that I know of."

"Are they coming anyway?"

Poe smiled a little, noting Hux feeling out his rights here. "Not that I know of. I was pretty definite they weren't welcome unless we said yes. And I wasn't going to say yes without talking to you."

Hux waited another beat before saying, "I would like to see them. Ren. And Rey. Who else is with them?"

"I don't know. Maybe the knights?"

"They're fine."

"Okay. What you said about unequal footing made an impression with me. I wanted to run this by you first."

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Kes said, laughing.

"Okay Dad," Poe faked a whiny teenager's voice, "Can I have my friends over? Please?"

Kes kept laughing and went to the kitchen. "Yeah, yeah. I'd like to get to know them better anyway. I didn't get much of a chance at the wedding. They'll have to bunk in their ship, though. They still have Solo's old freighter, right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good with me, then."


	49. Speeder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day seven. Noonish.

 

Hux laughed with a giddy thrill as he set the speeder to idle and tossed off his helmet. After that wild ride, he was grinning so broadly his cheeks hurt. Poe rushed toward him, arms out, signaling his intention. Hux dismounted so he could be swept up and spun around. He laughed again.

Poe told him, "I can't believe that, buddy! You flew that better than I could have!"

"No, it was all you!"

When Poe finally put him down, Hux pressed their cheeks together and Poe understood the gesture as it was meant – he held still and let Hux hold him quietly for a moment. When Hux pulled back, Poe returned to his usual, boisterous self. "That was fantastic!"

"It really was you," Hux insisted. "Your thoughts, your memories. Through the Force. As I mentioned."

"That's amazing!"

"Yes, it is. It all came so naturally, like I'd done it a thousand times before."

"That's weird," Poe said happily. "I remember Steel grumbling about Rey learning lightsaber forms faster than he thought she should. So you can really fly just because I told you a story." He shook his head. "The Force is really strange."

"It is," Hux agreed. "I don't know what you might pick up from me, if that's how the bond works. Is there anything you want? I feel like I've cheated you somehow. All I know is outdated military errata. The actual applications for science and engineering are very limited. It doesn't have much practical use, unlike flying."

Poe chuckled. "Oh, you have something I want.  _If_  that's how it works …"

"Oh?"

Poe put his hands on Hux's shoulders and looked at him intently, gaze darting from one eye to the other. "Can I try?"

"Yes?" Hux tensed as he felt Poe asking for something in his mind.

"You okay? Should I stop? Should I explain this?"

"Go ahead." He told himself it was a skill Poe was looking for, not secrets or even necessarily experiences. "What are you looking for?"

"Stolen time on old imperial training modules. Simulators, maybe. When you were a kid. Same age I was when I was learning to fly."

"Why?" That was truly perplexing. It sounded harmless, but what could he have learned on those units that Poe wanted? Imperial history, perhaps?

"You'll see." Poe smiled and Hux went along for the ride, watching in Poe's mind to see what it was he was getting. He wanted memories of Hux as a boy, seven or eight years old, filing into a room with other children. Armitage gave the monitor droid the name of a different child who had shipped out a few days before. He impersonated others often. Despite his distinctive appearance, it was easy enough to do that sometimes he wondered if 'Armitage' was even his own name.

He slipped into one of the booths and activated the screen. The security for educational programs at this level was non-existent as long as he wasn't testing for credits. Assuming he could get in the door, he could do nearly anything he wanted as far as general programs went – math, science, history, literature – it was all there. Though at this point, he was still learning to read.

He knew the alphabet of three languages and the sounds of the letters along with some basic words, but that wasn't enough. He needed to be able to read the transfer manifests and shipping documents to see who came and went. That would let him steal names more effectively. And maybe other things. He needed to be able to read labels. He needed to make sense of the messages that flashed across his father's screens so he knew when he was being lied to. He needed to be able to send messages of his own without speaking. Or to take notes for when his memory failed him.

He needed to understand the strange turns of phrase and cultural references of the empire he was to lead. He knew he would lead them someday. Even then he'd known. He'd burned with it. But he wouldn't succeed if he was ignorant. No matter his father's disparaging comments about intellectualism, he would remain his father's inferior if he didn't apply himself to academic pursuits and beat him with the best tool the boy had at his disposal.

Armitage set himself to the task with a singular focus the other children didn't have. They laughed. They played. They teased one another and were easily distracted. Armitage was not. They hardly existed to him. As the sessions swept by, he lost himself in letters and words, then sentences and paragraphs. Obscure facts. Trivia. Stories of old and new – history and today's news – he took it all in, his eyes skimming the lines of text, the letters combining into familiar forms of words, the words stringing together into concepts and dialogue, the concepts bringing forth complex ideas and ideologies. Entire ways of thinking opened themselves to him through the written word.

It slid into place in Poe's mind like a key into a lock. He shivered with delight. Poe's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "Oh, kriff. That works. That works! Hux, it worked!" He danced in impromptu glee.

"You …" Hux blinked at him as Poe celebrated. "You wanted to know how to read?" It seemed so simple and such an odd skill to ask for, out of all the things a person might conceivably want to learn. He'd expected lightsaber construction or psychological conditioning or something similar. He had not realized the level of deficiency.

"I wanted to know how to read  _well!_ " Poe pointed at his own head. "It's there! I can feel it! Can you feel it?" He leaned close, staring at Hux.

"Well … not really. Maybe? You seem no different." He was still listening in on Poe's thoughts.

"Well, I can! Definitely. I can … wow." Poe stared off into the distance, his mind chewing over the unbelievably novel (for him) idea that symbols could be paired with meanings so automatically and easily that it seemed almost like they had natural definitions rather than contrived, contorted, and arbitrarily assigned ones. The symbol  _was_  the thing and not just a stand-in or a placeholder. It wasn't a reminder of the object – it  _was_  the object. He could not think of a thing without knowing immediately and effortlessly of how to convey that thing in an abstract way. "It used to be so hard."

"That's mind-blowing for you," Hux said quietly, watching Poe marvel over this. "I see it now. I … can't even relate to how the world must have been for you without that."

"How was it for you, not able to get yourself around? I mean, can't drive anything?"

"Many people can't fly."

"Many people can't read," Poe said back. "Some entire species never get the hang of it. We have a tree in the back yard that can't even kriffing  _talk!_ " He squeezed Hux's shoulders again. " _Thank you_."

"Anything I have is yours."


	50. Naked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day seven. Night.

 

"You have an erection?" Hux asked dubiously. "Just from that?"

Poe looked down his pajama-clad body. This 'desensitization exercise' as Hux had labeled it had been Poe's idea. It was sort of a mix of trust training and getting them both (read: Hux) familiar with touching one another. Poe had gone first, avoiding Hux's no-fly zones and inquiring about the edges of them. Hux had been relaxed enough that at the end of it, he'd invited Poe to touch his face.

Now it was Hux touching him. He'd asked permission before handling his junk through the fabric. Poe's body had responded. "Yep," he said. "Looks like it." He adjusted his half-hard state, since Hux had left it in a position Poe wasn't keen on.

"Is that normal for you? Or is it just me?"

"Mm, both? It's normal that if someone I like touches me there, I'll get turned on. I really like you."

"It's not the stimulation, but the person?"

Poe shrugged. "Stimulation counts, too, but if it's my pants, the flight suit catheter, a medical exam, something like that – entirely non-sexual, then no. But otherwise, yeah. That's normal for me."

"I don't respond that way. I don't think that … even if it was  _you_  touching me …" He sounded disappointed in himself.

Poe shook his head dismissively. "Hugs, I've had sex with a lot of people who didn't have penises at all, much less get erections. I'm okay with that. Not a requirement for me."

Hux's brows drew together. "Is that so common that you've had multiple partners that way? 'A lot'?"

His bafflement was so genuine that it was clear he'd missed the obvious. "Yeah," Poe said with as straight a face as he could manage. "It's real common. They're called women."

"Oh!" Hux laughed out loud. "I thought you meant males! I know women don't-" He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Poe grinned and shrugged, teasing Hux. "Hey, how would I know what you know? Didn't you tell me you missed those classes? And you only looked at the male on male stuff?"

"Because  _you_  are male, yes. There was no reason to spend time on the other. I am familiar with female anatomy at least in the basics."

"You ever even seen a woman naked?" Poe continued to rib him, but he was also curious.

Hux gave him a strange look. "Yes."

"I mean in the flesh. When?"

The strange look continued. "On the exercise floors."

"They exercise naked in the First Order?" Poe blinked in surprise, trying to imagine that.

"No, but they change clothes! No one exercises in uniform."

"They …" Poe tilted his head, "they change clothes … where you can see them?"

"Yes. What, do you think it's safer to create a bunch of private cubicles where no one else can see what's going on?"

Poe rubbed his forehead. "Uh … well, uh … I …" He shrugged helplessly, unable to defend the Republic's mores. They varied tremendously by planet in any case. "No wonder you never so much as twitched to be naked in front of me." Something else occurred to him. "Wait a second. How many people have you seen naked? Thousands?"

"Probably." Hux laughed again. He teased back, "You thought you were superior in all ways in experience, did you?"

"Wow. Yeah, I did. That's funny. Kids, old people, everyone?"

Hux gave him a concerned look. "Exercise and training areas were segregated by classification – children, troops, technicians and officers. Children used a rotating schedule by class to keep age groups together. Troopers were assigned so squads trained together. Officers and technicians had separate areas by shift. I exercised with other officers, thank you very much."

"So, kind of yes, kind of no. Where you were, no kids, but old people. Right?"

"'Old people'," Hux snorted. "You find that interesting, that I might have seen hundreds of naked 'old people'? Really?"

Poe grinned with embarrassment. "Yeah, I guess the shoe's on the other foot all of a sudden."

"You Republic sorts really are lecherous and untrustworthy, aren't you?" He was amused, not critical.

Poe leaned forward and gave Hux puppy-dog eyes. "I'm working really hard on being trustworthy, okay?"

"I accept that. As I accept that you actually have to work at it, my filthy Rebel scum." Hux chuckled and carefully touched Poe's chin, then his lower lip. Poe did not nip at him this time, like he had a few days earlier. Hux told him, "I like your lechery, though. Don't change that."


	51. Lounging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Day eight. Evening. (OMG, a whole day passed!)

 

Poe let his head fall back carefully to rest on Hux's upper chest. The datapad he and Hux had been taking turns reading from slid into the valley between his legs as he slumped on the lounge chair, leaning back against his husband. The words of the constitution paraded through Poe's mind like they belonged there. Reading was fascinating now that it was easy. They'd used the document for telepathy practice – Hux's idea.

Hux was playing with his hair now, as he had been for the last few minutes. It was very close to his face, but apparently he could see it fine. Insects trilled loudly in the evening. Yavin's reflected light gave it all a romantic, dim glow. All seemed good with the world.

He peeked in on Hux's thoughts. They were more incoherent than he'd ever heard them, but he was still figuring out what was normal:  _Helmet hair. Sweaty. This curl. And that one. This curlier? Black. Regulation length in the Order. About here. Phasma. Wonder what she's up to? This other curl. All of this. And this one._  Then he noticed Poe was paying attention. His thoughts sharpened with a jolt.  _You're looking at me? What are you doing?_

 _Nothing. Just listening to your thoughts._ Poe could feel Hux relax, both in body and mind. They were both working out what was normal. _Does it bother you?_

_Less and less, as it happens without anything bad following it. You don't criticize me. That's odd. A relief._

_It's not my place to criticize you. Not anyone's place, really._ Poe felt a bit sorry for all the crap Hux had had to deal with in his life, but Hux didn't want him to feel pity for him. Not that he got to dictate Poe's emotions either. But Poe shrugged it off anyway. As Hux had pointed out – things were better. And as Poe had pointed out – Hux had managed to bag the second-best guy in the galaxy, so not much to pity there.

Hux toyed with his hair again. Poe could feel Hux monitoring the focus of his attention. Poe was happy being where he was.  _I could go to sleep like this,_ Poe told him.

_You usually do. It's not that far off from the position we sleep in. (This bit of hair here is sticking out.) Except I usually have my face in your hair._

_Doesn't that tickle?_

_Yes, terribly. But I keep doing it for some reason. Don't ask me why. I must like it._

_Okay._  Poe let his thoughts drift as Hux continued grooming him.

_These would be shiny in better light. Maybe. They flex. Soft. Look at this one. Many of them. Very thick lock here. Such fine filaments. Carbon tubes. Like that droid on Starkiller._

_Huh?_ There was a mental image, though fleeting. It was carnage as far as droids went. It looked like the droid had gone through a shredder. Hux had some lingering, past emotion of annoyance about it.

 _Nothing._ Hux locked that mental door with an efficiency that came from years of carefully curating his surface thoughts.

 _Okay._ Poe couldn't refrain from wanting to know, but he could distract himself with something more interesting. _Now that you've had a while to think about it, what do you think about kissing me?_

Hux pivoted easily to the new subject. _Kissing, by itself, the normal kissing?_

_Yes._

_I like it. I like what it means to you and others as a sign of affection. (I get to give signs of affection!) Even in the Order it was that – we just didn't do it openly. You don't kiss anyone else. But you do with me. You want to with me. You enjoy it. You make happy sighs and you touch me more. You smile at me. I like getting close to you. I like the way you smell. I like being able to touch my lips to you and be safe to be that close to someone. But there's a ritual to it, too, so I do my part and you do yours. I know what to expect._

_What about that kiss you gave me yesterday? Too early to say how you feel about it?_

_With the tongue?_

_Yeah._

_I … didn't care for it._ Hux paused to take the tenor of Poe's feelings about that.

_Are you waiting for me to be disappointed?_

_Yes._

_Okay, fine. I'm disappointed,_ Poe answered. _Now what?_

 _I don't know._ Hux chuckled.

_What did you think about it, anyway?_

_You were reading my mind at the time. You know._

_Tell me anyway. You've had time to think it over. And I noticed you didn't do it a second time, so I figured that was the answer._

_It was messy. There was too much saliva, mine included. I might try it again eventually, perhaps if I'm drunk and care less. I don't think it's something I'll want to do aside from that. I'm allowed to try things. Or so you've said._

_And I hope that in addition to saying it, I'm doing it. If I'm not, call me on it. I like the idea that you're finding your limits. And if that's where it's at, then that's where it's at. I'm glad to hear the normal kissing works for you._ It amused Poe that Hux labeled passionate kissing as 'abnormal', but he didn't comment on it and if Hux noticed it in his mind, he didn't comment on it either.

_If it turns you on as much as it did yesterday, I might do it more._

_Oh, you put me in such an ethical dilemma there._

_How so?_

_You don't want to do it. But you're gonna do it because I enjoy it. But I don't want to enjoy anything you don't want to do._

_Oh, shut up and follow orders. Just enjoy yourself and let me worry about me. Let me please myself by pleasing you. It's not like we're fucking._

_Okay. Speaking of which, and don't take this wrong, but have you ever reconsidered that?_

_No. And it's a good thing I hear your thoughts or else I would take that entirely wrong. I know you're not trying to pressure me. I have thought about it, tried it on for size mentally, I suppose, but it remains uninteresting. Not just gross or frightening or concerning, but … uninteresting._

_Don't wait for me to be disappointed about that._

_You feel pleased instead. Why is that?_

_Well, for one thing, if you think of it as 'gross or frightening or concerning', then I don't want to do anything like that with you. But also because I'm glad to hear you're not going to give me something like that just to make me happy. I'm happy with you right now._

The back door opened and Kes stuck his head out. "You guys involved, or can you stand company?"

 _You good?_  Poe asked Hux mentally.

 _Yes_. There was something poised and tense in his answer, his attention fixed on Kes. His hands had dropped to the armrests to give him leverage in case he needed to move.

"Yeah, this is good. Come on out," Poe said, keeping his attention on Hux.

Hux monitored Kes moving to the other lounge chair and settling in, watching his body language and what he could see of Kes' expression. He glanced at the door that had been shut behind him and through the window in it to see the other room appeared empty. He thought back to the various sounds that had preceded Kes' appearance. He considered the uninterrupted noises of the insects – that was a good sign, but did it cover other sounds? And then there was Poe, in his arms, who didn't need to be protected but what if he did? Hux wished he had his knife. He'd taken it off after their run, before the shower.

Kes listened to the night with them. Hux gradually went back to doing the same. Poe picked up Hux's hand and put it back on his hair. Hux scratched distractedly, knowing Poe wanted him to go back to what he'd found soothing before, but he remained too busy considering the distance between chairs and the various shovels, rakes, and stakes leaned up in the far corner. They would make good weapons. He dropped his hand to Poe's shoulder.

 _Is this normal for you?_  Poe asked.

_Yes? I can see you think there is something pathological or conditioned in my abundance of caution._

_Yeah. I'd like to tell you it's fine, but I guess you can see what I'm thinking. It's how you are. How's that?_

_It's inoffensive. He's your father._

It was a word layered with mistrust in Hux's mind. When he'd found that Kylo Ren had killed Han Solo, he'd felt empathy. It had not escaped Hux's notice that the only reason why Solo was even on the planet was to blow it up and thereby kill his son. But Poe seemed to like his father and Hux believed Kes' diminishing antagonism wasn't just concealing his motives. There seemed to be a growing positive rapport. But Hux was still going to watch him, especially when he felt wary and vulnerable, like when he was when sharing this sort of intimacy with Poe.

Poe nodded to himself. He remembered the bathroom of the hotel on Chandrila, after they'd left the hot tub. He'd let Hux hold the knife while Poe removed the scabbard and gently (and in vain) tried to scrub off the marks of having worn the damn thing for years. They were still there. But Poe counted it as a victory that Hux had made it a few days without it and didn't feel the need to wear it at the moment, even if Kes' presence had made him wish for it.

Hux traced the curve of Poe's ear, finally letting his attention drift. Kes captured it again almost immediately, saying, "So, it's been a full week now. How's married life treating you?"

"Well," Hux answered. "I do not regret my choice."

Kes chuckled. "You may yet."

 _You already have,_  Poe thought.  _You just changed your mind back. You were really reconsidering the morning after the wedding, weren't you?_

_Second thoughts after commitment are common. I'm still not happy about the Force, and yes, I know we're talking via that means even now._

"How about you, Poe?" Kes asked, oblivious to the mental conversation. "You're awful quiet."

"Just thinking. I'm very happy. He's very patient. Especially with this thing with the Force."

"Yeah, that's kind of a doozy to spring on someone," Kes said. "Especially a few hours after he married you. That was dumb. Luke Skywalker talked about finding the Force being the end of his old life. It was more of a change for him than joining the Rebellion or anything else. You had a few months to get used to the idea." Kes chuckled dryly. "Armitage … didn't."

"I gave my word."

Kes teased, "An argument could be made for false pretenses-"

Hux bristled. Poe put a hand on his leg and said, "Hey," but Hux ignored him.

Hux was uninterested in Poe's explanation that Kes was just pulling his leg, not on the heels of Poe himself having questioned his commitment. "If you think our vows concerned themselves with inaccurate conditions, then let me say again, under the present conditions and to  _both_  of you, 'I do.' I do hereby swear myself to your son, Poe Dameron. Under  _these_  conditions."

Kes was silent for a moment, then said, "And I hereby witness it."

Hux relaxed back into the seat, considering the matter was settled. "Good."

"Um, I do, too," Poe said awkwardly. "Witness, and, uh, agree to be married to you." He wanted to be involved in Hux's weirdly formalistic coda where marriage itself didn't normally mean much of anything, but a vow was something you would die over. He didn't want it to be one-sided.

Hux hugged him.  _Your father is annoying and I like him. It's a strange dichotomy._

_He grows on you. I'm the same way, you know._

_Yes, you are. Except I love you in addition to liking you._

_But I'm still annoying. Ha._

Kes asked, "Did you hear back from Rey and, uh, Kylo? I still want to call him 'Ben'."

Hux released him and Poe nodded. "Yeah. They'll be here in a couple days. They have four people with them and three droids."

"Do they stay on the ship, or do we need to get tents?"

"On the ship. But maybe they'll set up tents. I don't know."

"It's supposed to rain tomorrow," Kes said.

"Is that where all the flashing insects have gone?" Hux asked. "They sense the weather change?"

"Nah," Kes answered. "Yavin's up. It's too bright for them. You'll see them again in a couple weeks." They sat quietly for a while before Kes asked, "Armitage, what do you know about Eddiva Birnham?"

 _My dad has the hots for her,_  Poe supplied.

 _Really?_  Aloud, he said, "She's an officer in good standing, formerly of the First Order and now of the Republic. She was promoted to general within the last six months and is currently stationed on Coruscant. I served as her direct supervisor for three years. We had a few interactions before that, but nothing of any consequence. She is intelligent, attentive, and thorough. She has a very long memory and a better understanding of psychology than I ever mastered. She, and some of her chosen staff, put a lot of effort into coaching me for the negotiations and for this marriage."

"The marriage?"

"How to date. How to have a relationship. The importance of being patient and keeping my partner happy, the killing of in-laws is generally frowned upon, etc."

Kes snorted and then laughed. It was exactly the sort of humor that tickled him.

 _Wait, what?_  Poe asked.

Hux ignored him, but it felt like he'd meant it as the joke Kes had taken it as. "She was surprisingly invested in seeing me married off, especially to a prominent member of the Resistance. It played well into her efforts to convert the First Order from a war mentality to something less aggressive."

"Huh. 'Her efforts'. What did she do? What does she do? She's an intelligence officer, right?"

A welter of thoughts paraded through Hux's mind:  _She's more than that. Can I trust him? Why does he want to know? He likes her? Should I let her tell him? We conditioned people from birth. How can I tell him anything without giving away the Order's secrets? Do those matter now? Would I ever have to testify on this? If I tell him, that increases the chances of that. How many others does this lead to and endanger? Who else does Kes talk to among the No-surs?_

"Yes, she is," was all Hux said.

Poe petted Hux's knee.  _After what happened on Crait,_  Poe thought to him,  _I did a lot of soul-searching and one of the things I resolved was that I would never ask someone to trust or follow me again. I haven't always kept to it (kind of impossible as a general, actually, where my job was to give orders), but trust has to be earned. If I have to ask for it, then I haven't earned it. My dad has my trust. And I know he has yours in relation to your own secrets and past. I really admire your concern for others, your sense of duty even with the Order disbanded, and your 'abundance of caution.' Whatever you decide, I'll back you._

Kes was quiet a moment, as though waiting for Hux to elaborate. When he didn't, Kes repeated, "Is that what she does now?"

"I believe so." Hux remained undecided.

Kes shifted and leaned toward the two of them, looking at Hux specifically. "I trust you. So. Why does she want to know all this stuff about Luke Skywalker?"

"What does she want to know?"

"It sounds like she's putting together a timeline of what he did in the war. Way back. The civil war. Not this recent stuff."

"What did she say she was doing with it?"

"Filling out her records and turning it over to some guy on the  _Unification_  who's going to make it publicly available."

"Do you think that's what she's going to do with it?"

Kes tilted his head slightly. "That's what I'm asking you, Armitage. Is this as harmless as she makes it sound? Maybe she does like talking to me, but tracking me down and interviewing me is an awful lot of trouble just to fill in a few blanks in some researcher's historical record."

Hux smiled and chuckled. "You do not know Eddiva. She would go to the trouble if it was her job. Which it is, with all that implies. But as to your question - an offer of trust is an important element of negotiation, made to entice the other to extending it. As is adding my given name for a second time in this conversation to remind me of our familiarity. I recognize that, just as I do not think you are doing that in a manipulative ploy, but instead, because you are sincere." He was quiet for a moment, thinking of how best to give Kes what he wanted without revealing anything.

Kes smiled tightly. "That's nice that you think I'm not manipulative. Touching, really. But yeah, I'm trying to weasel out of you where I stand here, because you know her well and I don't." He sighed. "I notice you're not answering the question. What does that mean?"

Hux raised a brow at Kes.  _Good to know. He's smarter than he looks._  Poe coughed a couple times to cover laughter. Kes looked at him and misinterpreted Poe's reason for coughing. Kes said, "Yeah. You know, don't you? Just tell me it's okay or not. This shouldn't be a tough question."

"I don't know, Dad. I don't, and I'm not asking him."

To Poe, Hux thought,  _I appreciate your thoughtfulness_. To Kes, he said, "The answer is that I don't know. I am sure her stated reason is true. I am also working with the Force Institute on the  _Unification_ , probably the same researchers who are in communication with her. I didn't tell her to contact you. I haven't told her, or them, I have any affinity with the Force. When your son suggested I follow up on brain imaging, I politely declined. I do not like giving people weapons if I am unsure of where they will point them. Most of the Senate seats are empty. The direction they will go in, once elected, is undetermined."

Poe was quiet, worrying over what he'd said and to whom about the Force, and trying to decide if Hux was paranoid or prudent. Fortunately, aside from Rey and Kes, Poe hadn't talked to much of anyone where it would have been a topic. Given they were so far lacking anything showy to the ability, and Hux's sensitivity about it, Poe didn't mention it to the various strangers and real estate professionals they ran into during their daily efforts to acquiring a shop.

Kes' voice got quiet. "What does this have to do with Luke Skywalker?"

Hux shrugged. "He was a powerful Force user. It is a priority of her job to compile complete records on all users of the Force."

"'Her job'. Second time you mentioned that. And you're all hung up on duty. Is she, too?"

"Yes."  _He's starting to understand._

Kes went on, "But you haven't told her about you. Or Poe."

"No."  _Or about anyone else._  "I resigned. I did not know while I was an officer of the Order."

 _She had to have noticed those records are gone_ , Poe thought.

_I'm sure she has. This may, in fact, be a shot across the bow to let me know that she knows. Me taking those records, by the way, could easily be construed as treason. As grand marshal, I was empowered to do whatever was in the best interests of the Order as a whole. While I might think that protecting some Force-sensitives was in the Order's interests, it could be argued otherwise. The High Command did not set me up as a supreme leader, immune from oversight. My judgment was not unimpeachable, nor was my word law, else we would have been married months ago._

_But the High Command isn't in charge anymore._

Kes said, "Because you're concerned about what the new government might do with that information."

"Yes."  _You're right – the High Command is not in charge. This new government is. And I don't know what they will do. Hence the dilemma. Ren's amnesty wasn't designed to cover something like that and in any case, any law can be unmade as easily as it was made._

 _Okay,_ Poe thought. _I'm starting to see it._

Kes, though, wasn't far behind on working it out. "And her role … is putting together the information they'd need to go after … people like you."

"Yes. She wouldn't be doing it if someone hadn't ordered her to. It was a standing order of mine to her that she cooperate with the Force Institute, but as you've noted, independently pursuing interviews goes beyond the scope of mere cooperation. Or maybe she just likes talking to you that much." Hux looked over at Kes.

"Maybe," Kes said cockily. "You know there's one way to find out for sure. I've got to go to Coruscant."

"To see her?" Poe asked.

Kes nodded. "You know how to make sure a weapon is pointed where you want it? You get hold of it and you point it where you want it. She wants to talk to me? I'm going to go talk to her." He looked at Hux. "I'll leave you two out of it."

"Leave the tree out as well," Hux said. "They have quite a list of places where the Force has concentrated. They need not add this one."

 _Can I tell him about the list of people?_  Poe asked.

Hux drew in a deep breath and let it out tensely.  _Yes, but not where the information is._

Poe said, "The First Order catalogued other Force sensitives – the ones within their ranks. Hux wiped that information from their databases before he left. She might ask about it."

Hux said, "They can regenerate it eventually, that will take time and authorization, which would attract notice."

Kes nodded. "Oh, I gotcha. So you have these researchers trying to put together this complete picture of Force users, their history, what they've accomplished, where their centers of power are … and for some reason all the records on the ones alive right now are gone. Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes." Hux gave him a tight smile.  _I think he knows I have it anyway. Ah well. He saw the data crystals at the port. He is truly smarter than he looks. I need to hide it better._

Kes asked, "You think she'll be asking about that?"

Hux shook his head. "The obvious person to ask is me. She has not asked me. This means she's either overlooked it – which is possible but unlikely – or she knows it's pointless to ask. Because I wouldn't have removed it if I'd intended it to be part of the public record."

"What do you think they'd do with that sort of information, if they had it?"

"The researchers will do nothing with it. But the government could track people down and recruit them. Political indoctrination."  _Which is her true specialty_. "Weaponize them. Then use them like the Old Republic did with the Jedi to enforce their will. I can personally attest to the efficacy of using the Force for loyalty tests for the strong willed and overpowering those of weaker constitution." He shrugged. "Subvert the weak and kill anyone strong enough to resist who doesn't sincerely join your cause."

"That's what happened with Snoke," Kes said.

Hux nodded.

Kes said, "That's what I want to prevent in the new government. You give me a hell of a lot of good reasons to come out of retirement and get politically active."

Hux offered, "I will help you in any way I can."  _Maybe I should take that job they offered at the Institute._

 _What's that?_ Poe asked.

_They offered me a job. I accepted it as a consultancy._

_Oh. You're working?_

_Not on my honeymoon._ Poe thought about the messages he'd seen Hux reading through on his datapad a few days earlier.  _Yes,_ Hux amended, _Well, I'm working some._

Kes leaned back in his chair. "Thank you for that, but I think I've got this. She's a pretty lady. Does she have a husband, a partner?"

"Not that I know of, but I know nothing of her romantic interests except that she does appreciate romance in generals. And in grand marshals."

"Ha. You guys worked together. She never flirted with you?"

"She may have. It's not the sort of thing I take notice of. If she did, she was never overt."

Poe asked,  _Have you ever had anyone make a pass at you? One that you did notice?_

_Yes._

_Tell me?_

_On Starkiller. During construction. Two of the technicians. I declined._

_Why?_

_I was uninterested. They wanted to have sex. I did not wish to. It never went further than that. There was no … emotional intimacy, as there is with you. No one has ever offered to be close to me as you have._ Hux snuggled against the side and top of Poe's head, enjoying the tickle of hairs against his face. Poe sighed and rubbed Hux's knees, answering the love without words. Kes, if he had further questions, fell silent and let them have their time together.


	52. Sole Heeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day nine. Smut. Anyone who has read this far knows these guys are not hardcore kinksters. With that in mind, warnings for very mild role play and light ball-busting. Despite the chapter title, there is no foot fetishism here. It's really not much of a change from what you've seen already.

 

* * *

Still toweling off his wet hair, Poe looked out from the refresher to see where Hux had gotten to. He was up to something. Poe could sense it and it was verified by seeing Hux putting on his gloves. He was naked otherwise, still damp from the shower, though he'd exited first and dried off some.

"What's that about?" Poe asked. He left the refresher to stand in the bedroom, surveying Hugs wearing nothing but gloves. That was kind of hot.

"It's time to surrender to the inevitable," Hux said inscrutably. "On your knees, General."

Poe's brows shot up. He hesitated a moment, processing. They hadn't done anything sexual the day before. Was Hux actually initiating? Definitely hot!

"Now," Hux said. Getting hotter.

Poe dropped the towel and knelt atop it, giving himself some padding in case he was going to be down here for a while. He certainly hoped he'd be down here for a while. He glanced at Hux's penis. He was fairly sure that would not be the focus of activities, but it was right there at eye level. He couldn't miss it, flaccid though it was.

"Keep your eyes up," Hux chided him, taking hold of Poe's chin. The fine synthleather slid along Poe's skin, fingers curling against his jawline as Hux's thumb pressed under his lower lip. Poe smirked up at him.

Hux's thumb shifted up to rub lightly across his lips. Poe let his mouth fall open. "Ah, yes," Hux said. "There it is. You said you wanted to try the gloves at some point." Poe tried to wrap his lips around the thumb, but Hux twitched it out of his reach. "When I say so, you eager thing."

Hux's hand slipped down to caress his throat. Poe tilted his head back and sighed in complete and open submission. Hux nudged the inside of one of his knees. "Spread your legs. Hands behind your back. You're my prisoner."

Poe complied, one hand holding the other wrist behind his back. The pose pushed out his chest and he exaggerated the effect by flexing, just in case Hux was looking. Poe's dick was swelling against his thigh. Hux's hand shifted to his shoulder for balance as he ran his foot along the sensitive skin on the inside of one leg, toes skimming over Poe's penis, and then down the other leg. He repeated it a few times, then dipped his foot between Poe's legs to bump upward against his balls. Poe shifted his hips and hummed appreciatively.

"Filthy perverts," Hux said. "All of you." He ran his hand into Poe's hair, using it for balance instead of Poe's shoulder as Hux continued to play with Poe's balls with his foot. He managed to get Poe's scrotum between his big toe and next, gripping it with his weird toes. "You'd tempt even the most stoic of jailers with your depravity. I know what you want." He squeezed and pulled. Poe's mouth fell open in a pant – the pressure, the vulnerability. He liked being taken advantage of like this.

Hux switched feet, but instead of going back to his balls, he caressed Poe's penis. "So full. So hard. It's almost like you want more." He twisted his grip on Poe's hair, pulling his head to the side. His scalp stung and he hissed, then made inarticulate growl. He wanted more, all right.

Hux went back to standing on both feet. "Now then. Your mouth has been open almost from the beginning. You're just begging for this to be filled, aren't you?"

"Yes sir."

"You would call me 'sir'? Why should I care about an honorific from a disgusting Rebel prisoner?"

"I will do anything to survive."

"You're weak." Hux sneered at him. He was really getting into it.

"I'm strong enough to take whatever you can dish out." Poe gave him a cocky grin.

"So you say." Hux moved his foot between Poe's legs and flipped the end of it upward, delivering a solid and surprising tap to his balls.

Poe might have buckled if Hux hadn't had such a firm grip on his hair. His eyes watered and his breaths came out rough and sudden. His fingers dug into his wrist dug to keep himself from letting go. His impulse was to cover himself or catch himself if he fell, but he forced himself to do neither. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on Hux as much as he could. He knew it was what Hux wanted – to see this reaction.

"Are you strong enough to take that?" Hux inquired. He had half a smile on his face, watching Poe just as intently as Poe had expected.

"Try me." Poe let his upper lip curl and showed his teeth.

"I will." Hux moved his foot over the end of Poe's dick and pressed it down against the towel beneath him. He pressed on it. Carefully. Poe quit snarling and panted. His expression had turned compliant without him even intending it to. Most of Hux's weight was on his heel on the floor, but there was plenty enough on the ball of his foot to keep Poe's attention.

Hux righted Poe's head and rested two gloved fingertips on the teeth of Poe's lower jaw. "Suck me," he commanded, sliding the fingers in to the second knuckle. "Like I know you'd like to suck my cock." Hux rubbed a small circle on Poe's tongue and Poe sealed his lips around those two digits. He sucked softly, tasting the leather.

"Harder," Hux ordered, pressing down a bit more on his trapped dick. Poe immediately hollowed his cheeks, sucking harder. Hux moved his fingers deeper, then in and out slowly. Poe worked him with his tongue like he would have with a dick. The theory about the leather gloves giving him a bit more bulk to fill his mouth was accurate. Poe found himself salivating madly and leaning forward, greedy to take more. He moved his hips just slightly and felt Hux curl his toes over him a few times. Poe whimpered.

"Ah, yes," Hux crooned. "You would degrade yourself in the worst way for me. Like a rutting animal, you're desperate for release. You will do anything for me, wouldn't you? Can you take more?"

Poe nodded, with no clue what Hux was offering even as a small part of his mind noted Hux was asking that as a genuine question, carefully insinuated into the role play. But he was a little far gone to be taking care of his own boundaries. He just wanted more on all fronts, so when Hux gave him three fingers in his mouth, Poe shuddered with need.

His mouth was so wonderfully stretched. He couldn't keep from drooling. He felt some drip on his thigh. Some must have gotten on Hux as well, because Hux pulled his head back by his hair and pressed down just a bit more with his fingers. "You dare to foul me?" Hux hissed at him.

Poe made a strangled, begging noise, gulping around them. Hux pressed all three fingers to the back of his throat. He gagged once and Hux backed off slightly. "I should force you to take it. You said you were strong enough," Hux sneered. "Have I found your limits so soon?"

Poe leaned into him, gagging himself intentionally. He could feel his peak approaching and Hux probably could, too. Hux fucked his mouth with his hand. Fingers slid over his tongue, teasing him with how much he could take. Poe rocked his hips, feeling the sharp tug on his trapped cock. He was powerless, at Hux's mercy, turned on and swallowing him down as much as he could. Poe whined when he came, eyes shutting in bliss.

He missed whatever expression Hux made when he ejaculated directly under his foot. Poe suspected he ought to feel awful about that, but instead he found it funny. Very funny. Probably too funny. He didn't realize what was going on until he opened his eyes to see a very apprehensive expression on Hux's face as he stood there on one foot, staring in horror at the one that was raised off the floor. The hand in Poe's hair had loosened. The other was out of his mouth.

Poe quit holding his own wrist and shifted. "Easy," he warned. Hux still had hold of his hair for balance and the pull on it was a lot less sexy now that he'd come. But Poe still managed to get the edge of his towel out from under his knees and used it to wipe off the bottom of Hux's foot, before Hux had an aneurism or something.

"Thank you," Hux said in a small voice. It sounded kind of helpless and pitiful. "I didn't think that through very well. Shame on me."

Poe couldn't keep himself from laughing. "Hugs, that was awesome. I'm so sorry I came on your-" He paused to try to squelch his chortling. It wasn't very successful and he hadn't pulled himself together enough yet to be cautious. "Um, sorry about your foot."

Hux was standing on both feet now, but was obviously uncomfortable about putting weight on the one. He hobbled into the refresher to do a more thorough job with a washcloth.

Poe didn't even get up from the floor. He just sprawled on it bonelessly after wadding up the towel. "That  _was_  awesome. Thank you."

Hux pulled off his gloves, washed his hands, and then scrubbed all over his foot. "You drooled on me, too."

"Sorry? By the way, if I need to be groveling or freaking out, let me know and I'll do that as soon as I come down from this high you gave me."

"No," Hux said calmly. "I'm glad about how you feel. I can feel it from you. That's a very nice side effect. No apologies are necessary. I'm sure there's a joke there somewhere about you 'coming into my sole'."

Poe laughed again at the wordplay. "You're really not angry?"

"No, I'm not angry." Hux tossed the washcloth in the dirty bin. "I'm making several strongly-worded mental notes to myself to consider obvious 'outcomes' next time I do something like that."

Poe picked himself up off the floor and approached him. "Let me take you to bed and rub you all over, then. That deserves some payback. Thank you so much for being hot, sexy, and fantastically good-humored about this." He gave Hux a careful peck on the cheek.

"You're welcome," Hux said warmly. "I like making you happy and hearing you laugh. Even if it's at my expense."

"That's not how you used to be."

"I didn't used to be married to someone who loved me," Hux said. He settled himself on the bed to await his turn at being pleasured. Poe happily provided.


	53. Bony Shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day ten. Together on the hammock.

 

* * *

_My shoulder is bony. This can't be comfortable for you._

_It isn't._

_I don't-_

_Shh,_  Poe interrupted him.  _I let you do things you find uncomfortable. Let me do the same. Come on, I thought you were going to throw up on me the other day. This is what I want to do_. Poe snuggled against him, bony shoulder and all. The hammock rocked slowly with the movement.

Hux sighed as much as he could without shifting his shoulder.  _Will you let me change it for you at least?_

 _Change it?_  There was another layer of meaning behind Hux's question.

_It's something I saw Snoke do. I think I can do it._

_Okay? I like being here, though. Really, don't move me, okay?_

_I won't._

Poe felt his cheek tingle where it rested against Hux's shoulder. He tensed a little as it numbed then changed to feel warm and even pressure rather than the singular knot of the end of Hux's collarbone.  _Whoa. What did you just do? That's not words in my mind or pulling up a memory. You did something directly to me …_

 _I'm altering your mind's understanding of what your body is feeling. I am offering it an alternative possibility._  There was something stiff in how Hux expressed it.

Poe held very still.  _Snoke did this?_  He remembered that mental lashing Hux had given him – a direct impression of core-deep pain. He wondered if Hux could have done that had he not felt it himself at some point. The worst kind of torture was one that could be used over and over without leaving any functional injuries. Or even visible damage – that would mess with a person's mind for sure. For the first time, it occurred to him that Kylo Ren had gone light on him over Jakku by performing interrogation only and nothing else.

 _It's … yes_. Hux did not explain. His mental landscape was impenetrable darkness on this element. Poe could feel him concentrating on keeping it that way.

Poe deliberately turned his focus away from wanting to know more. Hux would decide when he wanted to share that, if ever.  _This is what you did in bed to me the other day, wasn't it? When you made me come so fast?_

_No, that was different. That wasn't a physical sensation, but a transfer? of emotion, of how much I loved you. You wanted to get off, so you did. I'm not sure about the mechanics, but I wasn't doing anything with your … nerve endings._

_You're not comfortable touching my dick in your head, either._ Poe was amused that even the thought of it wasn't something Hux wanted.

 _I have touched your penis in the flesh and not recoiled from it_ , Hux thought with exasperation.  _Just yesterday, in fact._

_It's okay. It's just funny to me because you have a dick, and so ... well, I think it's funny._

_I know, I see that. I'm not offended._

_Can you show me how to do that thing, though? With the Force and the nerve endings?_

More darkness.  _Yes._ ( _Don't use it on me,_  escaped from Hux's attempts to hold everything at bay.)

In a flash, Poe realized.  _It's okay. No, never mind. That must have come off as so threatening. I didn't mean it that way. I was just curious, that's all. I don't need it._

_No, I know you didn't mean it that way. I said yes._

_No, I'm fine. I don't even want it. That would be like a blaster to your heart if I ever fucked up with it._ Poe tried to deflect and think of something else to change the subject to.

A deep pang of frustration and regret at not having stifled that parenthetical of fear ran through Hux.  _Please,_  was all he could say. It wasn't just a word, but a plea. He meant it as begging.

Poe stopped the mental backpedaling he'd been doing and took a deep breath.  _I know you wouldn't say that unless this mattered to you. Maybe changing the subject wasn't the right idea. What are you … What- What are you asking?_

_I trust you. Let me show you that I trust you. Otherwise I'll always feel like I kept it from you. I'll always wonder what you might do with it if you ended up with it from somewhere else or just figured it out yourself. I'd rather know, for sure, now. Let me put a little bit back together of myself that was broken, fragile though it may actually be, by showing myself I don't have anything to fear in you._

Poe breathed out heavily. "Okay."  _I mean, okay_ , he thought, switching back to mental.

 _It should be simple enough to show you how. It's not that different from projecting a voice into your head – that's sort of like a sensation. Here's how I think of it._  He showed Poe what he meant, how to talk to a different part of the brain and tell a person what they were feeling. There was something of a mental map of the body inside a person's mind. The trick was to manipulate that directly. Snoke had done it often enough that Hux had a good idea of the process.

Hux thought to him,  _I don't know that you can use it on anyone but me … if you need to practice. I wouldn't suggest you use it on a stranger, or even your father. You're … inside my skin this way._  Hux tried and failed to steel himself against what he thought was Poe's inevitable trial run with it. His skin was crawling just thinking about it.

 _Stop that_ , Poe said gently.  _I'm not going to use this on_ _ **you.**_ _Pssh. What do you think I wanted it for?_

… _?_

Poe tested the ability to confirm what he had in mind was possible, making himself feel a pinch on the back of his own hand. It felt real enough. He went on,  _I'm going to give myself blowjobs with this_.  _Seriously, what did you think someone like me would to do with it?_  He was teasing, actually, because he hadn't thought of this application until right that second, but it sounded like a grand idea. This had to be what Nera had used on Finn all those months ago. Steel had said it could be used for self-pleasure. At least, that was how Poe had interpreted it.

 _What?_  Hux was dumbfounded. Which was kind of sad that he had never imagined any use for that power other than delivering pain. (Though given that it was Snoke, Poe supposed pain alone was less traumatizing than the other, more twisted, options.)

Poe thought,  _I'm going to use this on_ _ **me.**_ _This is the ultimate sex toy, Hugs! I can replicate any sensation I've felt before? Maybe you and Snoke never used it that way (which is good!), but trust me, I'm going to get lots of practice with this one! And none of it has to involve you. (Unless you want it to.)_

_A … sex toy? You're going to pleasure yourself with … this … ability? The Force?_

_Yep. You could try it too, you know. Just on your own. Or on me. Plenty of other parts of my body are available if you don't want to do anything sexual with it._

Hux was continuing to short-circuit at the very idea. Poe couldn't make sense of his thoughts, though he didn't try too hard.  _No_ , Hux finally thought.  _No, I think I'm fine for right now. Maybe at some other point. You do whatever you need to do with it. I'm glad I've … helped you?_

_You did. More by trusting me than with anything else. Thank you._


	54. Familiar Faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day eleven. There's a funny meme out there with Luke and Han in the Falcon and Luke says, "Vader's on that ship!" Han answers, "How do you know?" and Luke says, "I hear his theme music." All humor aside, I figure that's sort of what it's like, if you translated a person's Force signature into music.
> 
> Also, I switch point of view by section because I couldn't make up my mind who should be the point of view character. So you get all of them!

 

* * *

Kes

Kes was finishing up polishing the drinking glasses when he noticed Armitage's head pop up. His son and son-in-law were at the table, datapads in front of them. (He'd never seen Poe with his nose stuck to a screen as much as he had in the last couple days. It was weird, despite the explanation about the Force-training.) Kes kept a watchful eye on body language from both of them and Armitage's was saying 'alert'.

Hux looked around the room, scanned out the windows as far as he could see from his seat, and met Kes' eyes. "I don't hear anything," Armitage said.

"Me, neither," Kes said. He'd been listening, too, but it was quiet aside from the normal nature sounds outside.

Poe looked up – at his husband then his father – and said, "That's them – Kylo Ren, Rey, the rest."

"You hear their ship?" Armitage asked.

Poe shook his head and powered off the datapad. "Nope. That's their presence in the Force. But it's kind of obvious. This is about when they said they'd be here."

Armitage asked, "Did you really feel your father the other day when we were out running, then? I thought you were joking."

Poe shrugged. "I don't know. Go with your gut. Felt like Dad; it was him. Of course, it was his aircar, so who else would it be?"

Kes asked, "You can feel them? Up there?" He pointed skyward. "Luke was able to do that. That's a real power."

"Yeah," Poe nodded. "I think that's what I'm feeling."

"With the Force?" Kes remained amazed that his son of all people in the galaxy had turned up with this ability. That he'd chosen someone to marry who also had it was just more of the same – the Force had willed it. But he was still getting his mind around  _Poe_  having it, especially when he had yet to do anything Kes could detect with it. It wasn't that he didn't believe them – he just hadn't seen anything to believe.

Poe leaned forward in Kes' direction. "Let me tell you about this, because I felt it a while back and I didn't know what I was feeling. Back when I was on Jakku, that village, Tuanul?" Kes nodded. "So I'm there. A couple troop transports are on the ground, stormtroopers all over the place, blasters are firing, things are on fire, people are yelling. And then-" Poe put his hands vertically in front of his face like a heads-up display and turned, both hands and face, swiveling to the side.

"Something was coming," Poe continued, looking back, but leaving his hands up for a few more moments. "Some _one_  was coming. I knew it. All I could see was smoke. There were a hundred other things literally  _screaming_  for my attention, but there I was looking up at the night sky because I knew something was about to happen. I stopped firing. I just stood there like an idiot until that imperial command shuttle came cutting through the dark. It was Kylo Ren."

Poe raised a finger, pointing upwards. "I _felt_  him, before I saw him, before I heard him. I didn't know it then, but that's what was going on. Just like I feel them now. I've been on missions with them for most of the last year. I know that feeling. I don't know how to describe it, but I know it." Poe looked to Armitage. "And you know it, too. What were you looking around trying to hear just a minute ago?"

Speaking of the sound, Kes could finally hear the distant rumble and whine of the Falcon's engines as it was making its approach. He smiled a little. It was the first evidence he had aside from Poe and Hux claiming they could read each other's minds that the Force was in play. Even if, as Poe had said, it was about the time the ship was supposed to arrive.

"I don't know." Armitage's voice was small and Kes noticed he deflected the subject immediately off himself. "They have the Force, but your father doesn't. You think you felt him the other day?"

Poe shrugged. "I don't know. Like I said – it's an obvious guess. But I'm trying to pay more attention to those feelings. Rey and Kylo should be able to give us better answers."

Kes nodded to them. "You guys go on out and see them. I'll wrap up in here. Let you get your hellos out of the way before I come out." Plus, he didn't want his spotty, hard-water stained glasses to be noticed by newcomers. He had one or two more to polish.

* * *

BB-8

BB-8 waited impatiently at the top of the  _Falcon's_  ramp. The moment it extended, he roll-skidded down it, falling from the end before it had hit the ground. The dirt was forgiving, especially compared to his hardened exterior plating. BB-8 whirled rapidly toward Poe, who leapt forward in similar enthusiasm.

BB-8 repeated Poe's designation several times, along with alert tones and requests for priority. Poe was grinning as he went to a knee and ran his hands over the droid's body. Poe pushed BB from one side to the other. BB-8 compensated and made excited beeps. Many droids disliked handling by bio-units because it never resulted in anything good – power was used, any damage taken was usually unaddressed. But that was not the case with Poe and BB-8.

"Hey, buddy! How are you doing?"

BB-8 told him he was doing well in quick chirps and modulated tones. When Poe hadn't been working on whatever starfighter he was assigned to, he worked with BB-8, learning how he functioned and installing whatever modifications BB-8 asked for. Despite the opinions of the overwhelming majority of droids, BB-8 knew that some bio-units were friendly.

Rey among them. She came down the ramp behind him, followed by Kylo Ren. Poe gave BB-8 a parting pat and rose to greet Rey, giving her a hug and swinging her around. Kylo, coming down behind her, had to side-step her feet to avoid getting whacked. He moved off to the side where he could watch from a safe distance. BB-8 rolled excitedly around them, making more alert tones mixed with jubilant whistles.

* * *

Hux

Poe ran ahead to meet his droid, while Hux moved more sedately. If he was seeing it correctly, the freighter showed signs of recent refitting and refurbishments – not in the last few days because he could see water marks and … was that mold? on it, but in the last few months. The Resistance had ended up with a lot of older, reconditioned ships after he'd closed the throttle on their ability to get new ones. According to Kes, this one had some family history for Kylo, being 'Solo's old freighter'.

Hux moved to Kylo's side with a steady pace, falling neatly into place exactly even with him, as close as he could approximate for the distance he should be at for proper formation. Not that Hux had drilled formation since his academy days, but some kind of formal presentation or public ceremony required it almost monthly in the Order. It was a comforting familiarity to stand at parade rest next to a fellow officer.

He shot Kylo's midsection a glance, making sure Kylo knew what he was doing. There was no shift in Kylo's stance, no turning toward him as if to speak. They stood side by side, erect and still, watching as Poe and Rey exchanged excited greetings like they hadn't seen each other less than two weeks earlier.

 _May we speak this way?_  Hux projected carefully, trying to keep his thoughts focused to Ren and Ren alone.

 _Yes._  Kylo's expression didn't change. He continued to watch Rey and Poe.

It was a relief.  _I'm … very glad you're here. I've been very isolated. Thank you for coming._  He tried not to effuse like the desperate weakling he felt like and instead give only the appearance of an appropriate level of gratitude, but that was harder to control in mental contact than in verbal.

_Lonely?_

_Yes! I miss the Order. I miss seeing people I know. I miss the routine and being in my own room and having a shift schedule. I miss the smell of the air and smooth floors and it never raining. People call me by my first name here all the time! I have no rank. I don't matter to anyone other than Poe and Kes!_

Kylo's lips pressed together to keep his face straight. Hux saw the amusement in his mind, though. It was not mocking. Kylo thought (rather than projecting or thinking to himself) through his own period of adjustment after leaving the Order. Interestingly, Poe had had a role in that, too. Those bits caught Hux's attention. Kylo let him look at them in more detail.

It was odd (and calming) to have the ability for once to do that – to reach out in return and assert a mental wish rather than being a continually passive object for the other's observation. He'd never done this to Ren – looked back into his mind instead of just being looked at. He'd never been able to. He was careful and tried to be polite. Ren was patient and pleased by the turnaround.

In response, Hux thought (aping what Kylo had done and remembering this as something Snoke had used occasionally) about what Poe had shown him of Rey and how Poe intentionally modeled his 'handling' of Hux after his perceptions of how she'd been there for Kylo. He tried to share it as Ren was doing, giving the entire memory rather than an internal monologue or narrating it.

Kylo gently intertwined their different thoughts, showing Hux how to put them together into one single concept of being assisted through transition, that Kylo understood Hux's feeling of instability and how it probably reflected in moods and indecisiveness, in an increased desire for connection, and how it enhanced feelings of fear and insecurity. He might feel like a desperate weakling, but that was normal and it would pass. Seeing it so carefully put gave Hux a strange empathy for his own situation. He'd understood it before, but it was vastly reassuring to have someone else corroborate his emotions.

 _He loves me, and I him,_ Hux thought, _but there have been times when I want to go back to a thing that's not there for me anymore. I am unhappy with myself for even wanting it._

_Snoke._

And there it was. Hux dropped his chin. His mental landscape was quiet, aside from a surprise that Kylo would be so direct and accurate in putting his finger on it exactly. Only someone else who had spent years under the thumb of that monster could understand the shadow that cast on a soul.

The knights of Ren (Hux wasn't sure if they were still called this) had come down the ramp.

 _Hugs?_  Poe asked in his mind, looking at him with concern from the other side of the four.

Hux's attention was arrested by the sight of the knights whom he'd never seen without helmets. He tried not to stare too conspicuously, surprised to see two of them weren't human. Hux considered shutting Poe out, or brushing him off ('I'm fine-ing' him, as Kes would say), but did neither.  _Ren and I have things to talk about._

 _Are you okay?_  Poe's eyes shifted to Kylo and an uncertain protectiveness rose in Poe. He'd felt Hux's sudden dip in mood, the darkness, the preoccupation, and probably the surprise. Obviously, he wasn't sure what was going on.

 _Yes_. Hux infused a definiteness to that, then ended the mental line to Poe so he couldn't ask more questions. He glanced aside at Ren. Verbally, he said, "We'll talk about that later." Kylo nodded once.

* * *

Poe

Poe left the house with Hux, but Hux's strides were slow and his head up like he was conducting an inspection of the ship. He probably was. The expression on his face showed he found the vessel wanting. Poe didn't bother to check his thoughts, as the ramp was already coming down and BB-8 was hurrying out. Grinning, Poe ran forward. BB-8 made a quick circle around him, beeping happy greetings. Poe went to a knee and played with him, batting him back and forth and running his hands over BB-8's structure.

"Hey, buddy! How are you doing?"

BB-8 answered with an enthusiastic summary of his status (all good) and then paused to swivel and regard Rey as she came down the ramp. Poe stood and scooped her up with abandon. He swung her around to hear her squeal of delight before dropping her back to the ground. Kylo Ren skirted the two of them to go stand at one side. Poe's focus remained on Rey (and on not tripping over BB-8, who was running circles around them).

"How was the trip?" Poe asked. "Dagobah, wasn't it?"

"Oh! It was amazing! It's a swamp!" She said this with the cheer and delight that only someone who grew up in a desert would show. He could feel her emotions, he realized. They buzzed through her, reinforcing what he was already seeing in her expression.

"Wow, I can feel you," Poe said, marveling. "That's new."

BB-8 made disparaging noises about the mucky ground on Dagobah and how he had to spend most of his time on the ship.

"Yeah, really?" Poe grinned down at the droid. "I'll bet that was a mess." Looking back to Rey, he said, "You've gone from one swamp to another, you know? Half of Yavin IV is swamp! We should take you on a tour."

"I'd love that!" Rey looked past him with big eyes. "But first,  _that_? Oh my. You grew up here?"

Poe looked over his shoulder at the huge tree looming over the place. And there was something 'looming' about it, something he hadn't felt from it before. "Yeah, yeah. Not sure … it feels a little weird right now." He wasn't sure what to make of that, so he looked back to Rey. "It wasn't always that big, of course. It was a sapling when I was a kid. But you grew up on Jakku. I flew over that. You had star destroyers just lying out there!"

"Dead hulks!" Rey dismissed. "That's alive. Even the one on Ahch-To didn't feel this … vibrant. Young."

Behind her, the four knights of Ren were on the ramp. Poe, Rey, and BB-8 moved out of the way to give them room. Steel and Nera were dressed the same as the last time Poe had seen them, in black and grey, but he didn't know the other two. One was a green-scaled Trandoshan in unrelieved black and the other was a human woman in standard Jedi beige and brown. Kylo was in dark shades of brown and Rey in greys and white.

All six of them looked up at the tree, or what they could see of it over the top of Kes' house, which was most of it. Poe felt a deep stir of fear and unease from Hux. The knights were standing between where Poe and Rey stood to one side of the ramp and Kylo and Hux were on the other. For the first time, Poe noticed the parade rest of the two men and that they were saying nothing to anyone. Kylo's eyes were on Rey. Hux's were unfocused. He was looking down and might have been paler than usual.

 _Hugs?_  Poe asked mentally. The knights were saying things to each other and he didn't think Hux would hear him if he spoke.

Hux lifted his head to see him and stared at the knights as though he'd never seen them before. He thought to Poe tersely,  _Ren and I have things to talk about._

 _Are you okay?_  Poe's eyes shifted to Kylo. Poe had been working very hard since he'd found he had to Force to deal with Hux as carefully as possible. Kylo probably didn't have the same caution. Poe wanted to involve himself, even though he didn't think it was the right thing to do.

 _Yes_. Hux infused a definiteness to that and shut the door mentally on Poe's connection. Poe saw him say something quiet to Kylo, who nodded once.

"Is everything okay?" Rey asked from next to him. She touched his forearm.

Poe had nearly forgotten her, assuming she was still staring off at the uneti tree. "It's fine, I guess." He paused to consider his own feelings. "I think I might be jealous." That Hux was talking to someone else mentally, that Hux preferred talking to that other mentally, that Hux wasn't including Poe in the conversation despite everything Poe had tried to do for him – it was all very irritating, surprisingly so.

"Yeah," she said softly so it wouldn't carry. "You are."

Poe laughed out loud as he thought about the situation. "That is totally irrational." Hux was leading Kylo around the house to the tree. The knights followed. All six of them moved enough in step to remind Poe of their shared six years of background. Poe found himself jealous of that, too. Rey, Poe, and BB-8 lingered at the ramp. "Kriff. I need to get over myself." He looked at Rey. "I have really tried to change who I am as a person, but every now and then something happens to remind me that I'm still that same guy from the Battle of Crait."

Rey slipped her hand into his and held it firmly, looking up at him with a simple, confident smile.

Her faith in him was palpable. He drew in a breath and let it out. "Come on. Let's go see the tree."

* * *

Caspire

 _Do you feel that?_  she asked Rey. Kylo was piloting and often grumpy about being interrupted during that. Rey was more easy-going. Even if Caspire had only known her for a week or two now, she was fitting seamlessly into the group. It helped that Steel and Nera (along with Kylo) had spent most of the last year with her.

Rey extended her mental senses in the direction Casp was pointing and saw the vague, blurred presence in the Force.  _Yes, I do. Do you think that's it?_

 _Yes, I think it is_. It was resolving, clarifying in her mind as Kylo brought the  _Falcon_  out of the upper atmosphere and down on approach.

Tark and Steel were chattering in the background about the weather, but Nera joined Rey and Caspire mentally. The three of them admired the uneti tree as its Force signature became clear. They were coming in for landing. Kylo peeked in briefly at their mental landscape looking for alarm or danger. Seeing none, he went back to managing touchdown.

 _That's definitely a vergence,_  Rey said.

Caspire agreed.  _A living one._  By which she meant it was a creature that served as the nexus in the Force, though the reasons for this were unclear. Sometimes it meant the creature had a great destiny. At others, it meant they possessed great power in the Force. Or in the tree's case, maybe it was just sitting at the location of a natural upwelling of Force energy.  _Did you see this at the wedding?_

 _No,_  Rey said.  _The wedding didn't happen here, but nearby. I didn't come here. They mentioned the tree, but not that it was anything more than a tree. The one on Ahch-To had a presence, but it wasn't alive. It just housed the books. There wasn't any special reason why I'd be looking._

Nera offered,  _Tree. Growth. Life. Marriage. Union. Fertility?_

 _Hux and Poe are both male,_  Rey thought as they landed.  _They haven't said anything about children. I think it's a little early. But he said there was an awakening. What if the tree wasn't awake either until last week?_

 _Young power. Power not based on age anyway,_ Nera thought.

 _What if it was the catalyst for their bond?_ Caspire wondered. _You said Snoke did the initial bridge for you and Kylo. What if it bridged Hux and Poe?_

 _Snoke_ _ **said**_ _he did the initial bridge. I'm not sure he was telling the truth._ Rey moved from the co-pilot's chair back to the ramp down. BB-8 was already there, rolling back and forth impatiently. "Are you looking forward to seeing Poe again?" she asked him. He trilled excitedly and she laughed as she hit the button to extend the ramp. The droid raced down before it was finished.

Caspire moved up behind Rey.  _Maybe best if you go next. Familiar faces and all that._  Rey nodded and headed down. Kylo sidled past Casp to follow her.

"Smells good," Tark said from behind her.

Next to him, Steel sniffed audibly. "Doesn't smell like swamp, I'll give you that."

 _I want to see it,_  Nera said mentally.  _Go now._

Knowing Nera would set off without waiting if they didn't follow her direction, Caspire started down the ramp. The other three knights came with her. At the bottom, Kylo had gone to the side to stand with the former general/grand marshal/whatever of the First Order. Rey and the droid were to the other side with Poe. Caspire had been shown holos of him, but she hardly looked. Direct line of sight had intensified the glorious presence they had walked into. It was intentionally, threateningly, enhancing its presence in their direction as a show of force. She only had eyes for the tree.

"Size," Nera said. "Display."

"Yep," Steel agreed. "That's a big. And it wants us to know it."

"That speaks to fear," Tark said. "Why do you think that is?"

Caspire treated his question as rhetorical. She said, "The Living Force incarnate. It's so different from the temple on Dagobah. There is no balance. It's just life."

 _Hugs?_ , Poe projected, along with some worry. The knights ignored him. One thing about mental contact was that it was usually clear who someone was trying to talk to, even if they were blasting everyone in the area with the message. Caspire had thought the man's name was Hux. That was what Rey and Kylo called him.

"There should be a temple here," Tark said.

"What if there already is?" Casp offered back.

 _Are you okay?_  Poe's crosstalk cut through their minds again. There was something unspoken about Kylo in Poe's general broadcast – some pointed concern or suspicion about him. Whatever response he was getting from Hux or Kylo, if any, was being communicated more precisely. They heard nothing of it.

"Temple guardians," Nera said after a pause to see if Poe would continue. When he didn't, she went on, "Bound and present already now. Maybe, children that none is good warden?"

"Yes, that would make sense," Caspire responded. She glanced over as Rey and Poe talked. A nervous, irritated energy was coming off him. She pinged Kylo's mind much as he'd done earlier checking for signs of alarm. He seemed as calm and centered as he had been for the last week that she'd seen him. She let go of her worry then. What would be, would be.

In the other direction, Hux said, "Let's go have a closer look." Kylo walked beside Hux with a careful, measured stride. Caspire recognized it immediately and copied it, sending a mental signal to the others to fall in line. They did, walking together to form two lines of three each, in step with one another. The sound of Rey and Poe's feet behind them was out of sync, along with the whirring of the droid. But that was okay.


	55. Tree Meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is the point of view character for this chapter.
> 
> Trandoshans are a canon race. They have twenty-five named, introduced individuals listed in Wookieepedia. Quite a few. All but one are male. Why do you get such a ratio? I know the real reason – they're listed as highly aggressive, warlike hunters which tends to code MALE! in the eyes of most people. The lone female was one of the very rare Force sensitive Trandoshans.
> 
> But I like subverting things. Plus these are cold-blooded, egg-laying reptiles. I say they overwhelmingly tend to identify as male when it comes to human gender assignments, because none of them have breasts, suckle young, produce live young, or take a primary role in child-rearing, regardless of their egg-laying capability. Tark's gender presentation does not match his anatomical sex.

 

* * *

As they approached the tree, Kylo came to understand Luke's quote from Yoda about 'luminous beings'. Not that he'd ever doubted it, because he could feel people in the Force and one could easily characterize their presence as glowing. But he'd always imagined it was basically metaphorical. Beings didn't literally emit Force energy. They were channels that pre-existing Force flowed through, with some of them being more endowed than others in how well they could manipulate that energy. This creature, though …

He looked up at it with his full awareness and felt in awe. It wasn't the tree's size, but the way it shone. It was no 'channel'. It was a headwater. A font. It was the strongest vergence that had revealed itself to him, more even than Ahch-To.

Yavin IV was dotted with ancient temples built by the long-since extinct Massassi people. The largest temple had been used briefly by the Rebellion as headquarters during the war. It was that Rebel presence which had led to the targeting of the moon by the DS-1 Orbital Battle Station, which had, in turn, led to the targeting of the Death Star by one Luke Skywalker, self-proclaimed Jedi. He'd launched out of the Grand Temple. If you stood on the right ridge, you could see the top of it from here, as the Damerons had settled in easy distance of it.

Luke had chosen this planet out of all the ones in the galaxy to plant this sapling on. It wasn't a sapling anymore. In reverence, Kylo knelt before it. His knights followed him and a few moments later, Rey joined them in paying respects. Hux, who had so far been at Kylo's side, waited a beat more then removed himself to a nearby picnic table to sit. Poe went with him. BB-8 followed.

That was fine. The tree knew them. Kylo could feel that in the ebb and flow of its attention, how it peered into the past and future of himself and his group, but ignored Poe and Hux out of familiarity. When it had finished its inspection of them, the sense of forbiddance lifted and a feeling of acceptance replaced it. He raised his head, then stood.

Caspire moved forward to the trunk of the tree, resting her hand on it.  _It's hollow_ , she thought to him, which explained the tree's absurd bulk. The structure they saw as the exterior was just a scaffolding to support branches and leaves, with an aggressive root system underneath. In that respect, it was more like a self-supporting vine than a tree.

It was definitely sentient, although before their arrival, it had only met two other beings it regarded as similarly intelligent – Poe and Hux. Kes, who had come out of the house and carried a tray of drinks to the picnic table, didn't count. He was just another dumb animal like all the rest. BB-8 didn't even register, other than as a moving object.

 _It's a baby!_  Caspire continued, making a more thorough mental connection with it than the rest of them had yet attempted. He would have liked to have cautioned her but it was too late and she wouldn't have listened anyway.

 _It's as big around as one of Luke's huts,_  Tark thought back to her.  _Kriffing big baby. And with this much Force energy coming off of it, can you imagine the devastation it could cause if it threw a tantrum?_

Steel asked,  _What are we talking – pull a star destroyer out of orbit kind of power? Or just knock the_ Falcon _around?_ He wasn't seeing the tree as the rest of them were. He was having to rely on mental echoes and what he was intentionally shown.

 _Probably that first one,_  Tark thought.

 _The Force does not lend itself to clever calibration_ , Kylo thought. He put forward Anakin Skywalker's famed landing of a capital ship on a runway on Coruscant, mainly using the Force to do it.

 _Yeah,_  Tark responded. _That sort of power. Wish we could have seen him in his heyday._

 _He's still with us,_ Caspire said, stroking the smooth bark,  _in the Force. They're all still with us. That's the beauty of it._

 _Hss._  Tark was unimpressed. He'd rather have seen Darth Vader in the flesh than knowing some vague impression of him as part of the everything.

Nera projected to all of them a mental image of joining herself with the tree, then moved forward with several rapid steps to leap fluidly into its branches, propelled by the Force and her own innate, ape-like athleticism.

 _Wait!_  Kylo called after her and Steel lunged forward a step in a protective impulse. But she was gone, swinging through the branches with the ease of a species which had been arboreal much more recently than humans. It was a little frustrating that they all agreed he was in charge, yet then didn't consult with him before doing dangerous stuff.

 _Oh yeah,_  Tark thought.  _She's been looking for a power coupling ever since Snoke died._

 _You don't need to be rude about it,_  Rey thought, addressing a disparaging implication to Tark's thoughts that he wasn't quite bringing to the surface.  _We all want someone in our lives. There's nothing wrong with that._

_I don't._

_That's cuz you're weird,_  Steel offered, still staring upward with concern as Nera navigated the branches toward the center. _I think you're part Hutt._

Flattered by the allusion rather than insulted, Tark bared his teeth and waved his head side to side to show them off. He teased Steel,  _What are you going to do if that tree eats her?_

 _I have a light saber. It can't move_ , Steel projected, thinking about how easy it would be to slice up stationary wood of the relatively thin layer of trunk as Caspire had revealed it.

Tark chuckled now, a clucking noise in the back of his throat.  _Do you really think a thing that can pull a star destroyer out of orbit is going to let you do that?_

 _Oh._  Steel frowned. The idea of the tree using the Force to push him away (or tear him apart) had not occurred to him, but Tark helped him out with some graphic mental images Steel would have preferred to not have.

 _I'm going up there, too,_  Rey thought to them, having been communing with Nera nonverbally as the others projected thoughts to one another.  _There's a chamber in the middle of it, like in the one on Ahch-To._  Also, she wanted to calm the concerns of the others about Nera. Even Tark had them, although he wouldn't admit to them easily.

Kylo sighed, not bothering to ask her not to go, because she was right. Rey was confident of her abilities in climbing, but as Nera had, she used the Force to boost her into the branches to start with. After that, she made her way without it. Caspire stared up the trunk, moving around and looking carefully at the lower branches. There wasn't anywhere she could leap to and grab anything to pull herself up, not without using the Force to jump higher than she was physically able. Her intent to follow was clear, but unlike Nera and Rey, she didn't couldn't use the Force in that particular manner.

Making a show of his own proficiency, Tark followed Rey and Nera into the branches, with a thought thrown Kylo's way that he wasn't going to let them discover anything without him being involved. Because Tark definitely felt the need to justify himself. There was no way he was going up there just to make sure they were okay. Kylo managed to keep a straight face.

 _Are we all going up there? What the hell?_  Steel thought.  _I can't get up there. Neither can Casp. What happens if this thing's dangerous?_

Caspire thought to him sulkily,  _I'm not going._  She wasn't happy about Tark rubbing her nose in the holes in her mastery of the Force. She certainly wasn't going to clumsily clamber along in his wake. Kylo stayed where he was, stayed quiet, and stayed in tune with the Force.

 _Good,_  Steel thought to Caspire. _Neither am I. They aren't talking to me anymore. Are they okay?_  Steel didn't have enough power in the Force to initiate mental contact (much less fling himself upward). The others up in the tree weren't projecting to him. _If there was a problem, I figure Tark at least would be screaming._  He glanced over at Kylo, taking reassurance from his presence and that Kylo was unbothered.

 _They're fine_ , Caspire told Steel.  _It'd be too crowded in there with all of us anyway._

Kylo turned and walked over to the picnic table. The more relaxed he looked, the more relaxed Steel and Casp would be. Also, Rey would warn him of danger. Poe was looking up with consternation. "Where did they go? I've lost sight of them."

"They're inside it," Kylo said off-handedly.

"Inside it?" Poe chuckled uneasily. "They just used the Force to go inside … a tree?"

Kylo smiled at him, realizing Poe had no idea the main body of the trunk was hollow and the void within it could be entered from above. "Yes. The Force is capable of many things." The look on Poe's face was worth it. He believed him.

Kes offered, "Would you like a drink?"

"Yes, thank you," Kylo said, taking a glass. Following Kylo's lead as intended, Steel wandered over, Caspire along with him.

"Koyo fizzy," Kes said, gesturing at the tray.

Steel and Caspire took a drink, both glancing at Kylo for introductions. Kylo said, "You met Steel at the wedding. This is Caspire Ren."

"Caspire." Kes inclined his head. "Good to meet you."

"The other you have not met before is Tark." Kylo made a small motion behind him to indicate where Tark was.

"He's the … he's a Trandoshan, right?" Poe asked. Kylo nodded. "I thought most of them were bigger than humans?"

Kylo shrugged. "I suppose that depends on the human." Though yes, Tark was small compared to those from Trandosha.

"Okay, true," Poe admitted.

"Tark," Kes said with a nod. "Like Tarkin?"

Kylo smiled slightly. "Yes, the name is in his honor." Kes eyed him. Kylo explained, "Such names are more common in the Order and among the imperial remnants."

"Yeah," Kes said slowly, "but he wasn't born there. Hatched. Whatever."

"He chose the name shortly after joining."

Kes was quiet for a moment, then said, "If I may … I don't mean to be rude … but it would help me with something I've been struggling with. Your name is Kylo Ren. It's not the one you were born with. How did you get that name?"

"I chose it for myself, to honor my parents as they should have been. I had no desire to be named after a Jedi whose most remarkable trait seemed to be, to me at the time that I renounced my old name, that he had failed to protect his student from the dark side."

Kes raised his head slowly. "Ah," he said softly. "Now it makes sense." He smiled warmly. "I didn't want to call you what the dark had labeled you. I thought Snoke had given you that name." Kylo shook his head. Kes asked, "What about Ren? It's not a rhyme, then, with Ben?"

"No. Ren was the idea of one of our members who is no longer with us, Jophesta. She died in the war. It's a family name."

"Gotcha. Well, that makes me much happier."

Kylo shrugged slightly and drank, glad Kes was overlooking that his mother had been left out of the equation. The conversation was already much more personal than Kylo wanted it to be.

From where he was sitting on the bench, Poe asked Kylo, "You thought there was something wrong with falling to the dark side? People should be protected from that?"

Kylo chuckled. "As anyone who is on the dark side could tell you."

"It's not that bad," Steel said with a smirk. "Once you get past the self-loathing and depression."

Caspire snorted and thought to both of them,  _According to Tark, those are goals to aspire to_. Steel choked on his drink at how ridiculous Tark was at times.

"If you are having outward responses," Kylo said, "then you should say it aloud. To do otherwise is rude."

Steel coughed to clear his throat. Caspire shook her head. "It only makes sense if you know him."

Poe asked, "Snoke?"

She shook her head again. "Tark."

"Ah," Poe said. He'd been with Steel and Nera for months as they broke up slave rings, but Tark and Caspire had been off on their own adventures elsewhere for all that time. They were strangers to Poe. Looking to Kylo, Poe asked, "Are you still on the dark side?" He leaned forward. As though a matching oscillator, Hux leaned back at the same time, looking at the back of Poe's head maybe warily. They were still holding hands.

Kylo kept his observations about their body language to himself. "More or less. Since I met Rey, it's not strictly necessary that I call on the dark side, but it remains easier. It might stay that way forever. I don't know. Among the knights, only Caspire has renounced the dark side. It is not an easy process."

"Frankly," Steel said to her, "I thought you were going to die."

"Tark helped," Caspire said. "We joke about him, but he knows exactly where he stands."

"In the dark side?" Poe asked, still leaning forward, listening with interest. Hux was listening, too, but Kylo was reading a lot of uneasiness from him that Poe seemed to be ignoring or not noticing. Or maybe, Kylo realized, Hux was hiding it from him. He wondered how that was possible if they were really bondmates. All three possibilities were strange: that Poe wouldn't care, wouldn't notice, or that Hux would lie. Maybe there was a fourth option. Caspire nodded to Poe. Poe said, "He's happy that way?"

"I think happy is a bit of a stretch," Steel said.

"He's not a happy person," Caspire said. "That's not who he wants to be."

"Who does he want to be?" Poe asked.

"You'd have to ask him," Caspire said. She changed the subject off her teammate who wasn't here. Poe was a stranger to her, as well. "I am not, by the way, a follower of the light. I am a practitioner of the Living Force. It's different."

"Ah, here we go," Steel said. Kylo shot him a dirty look for the disrespect. Steel pretended he hadn't seen it.

"What's the Living Force?" Poe asked. "I've heard of it, but whenever the Church of the Force mentioned it, I thought it was the same as the Force itself. How is it different from the light side?"

Caspire sunk to the ground, sitting cross-legged to explain. "You see, the Force itself is an entity. It's alive. It has a sentience that is often beyond our understanding. You can fight against it – any of us can – but it's bigger than we are. It has always been here and it always will be. We can learn its will through meditation, observation, and living in the moment. We must trust our instincts and our intuition. The Living Force isn't here as light and dark, but as life – life itself. It is the thing that gives all existence meaning."

"According to her," Steel said. Kylo didn't bother repeating his admonishment. Doing so would only make Steel double-down on it.

"I've been on the light side," Caspire said, looking up at Steel. "I've been on the dark. So have you. They are artificial constructions. You know this."

Steel shook his head and grimaced. "Doesn't feel artificial to me. Feels real."

"We have proof," Caspire said, gesturing to Kylo. "Kylo and Rey. Now these two."

"If they're so artificial," Steel said, "why do we keep ending up with light/dark pairs?"

She asked back, "Why are these pairs able to transcend the limitations of our masters?"

"We don't even know that." Steel shook his head and turned to Poe and Hux. "What about you two? How do you function in drawing on the Force?"

Hux was silent. Poe glanced at him, then said, "I have no idea. We're just doing it and it works. That's why I asked to talk with you guys. It would be nice if I knew what I was doing before I end up accidentally picking the wrong side and losing my soul or something. The Church of the Force is not ambiguous about what happens if you willingly go dark."

With that, Hux's concern made perfect sense. He was channeling the dark side and bonded to someone who thought he was (or might be) inherently evil and damned for doing so. He'd thought Poe was more open-minded than that. Kylo said, "It's not a matter of the sides of the Force being right or wrong."

Kes said, "I don't know if you'll listen to me having an opinion on this, but don't you think as a professed dark side user, you might be a little biased in saying the light or the dark doesn't have anything to do with right or wrong?"

"No," Kylo said bluntly. "The key word was 'willingly'. That's where the moral choice is made." And so Poe's father was in the same boat as his son. He began to understand the nature of support Hux needed from him. If this was the attitude, then anything Hux might say to defend himself to these two would be dismissed or undermined. Knowing Hux as Kylo did, he doubted Hux had said much of anything.

"Then," Kes said, "someone has to choose to get out of there if they can, once they figure out where they're at." It was more a question than a statement of fact, but he wasn't quite asking.

Kylo appreciated Kes' lack of certainty – it was a good sign. But Kylo's voice still held a growl as he said, "There's no inherent virtue in the light."

Hux leaned forward, suddenly taking part in the conversation, but not with Kes or Kylo, whom all the others were looking at now. Hux looked to Steel. "Steel? You said, 'according to her'. Why is that? It sounds as though you believe her point of view to be flawed."

Steel glanced from Kylo to Kes, then to Caspire and started to settle to the ground as well. Kes said, "Why don't you guys come on and sit at the table like normal folks?"

Steel straightened back up and took a seat on the bench next to Poe. Hux was on the other end. Caspire took the end across from Hux, which left Kylo in the middle next to Kes. They glanced at each other uneasily, with Kylo still uncomfortable about the implication that the dark side of the Force was immoral. He wasn't thrilled with the other implication that sitting on the ground as they commonly did for meditation or discussing spiritual matters, wasn't something 'normal folks' did. It said a lot about Kes' views. Kylo mulled this over as Steel spoke.

"The thing is," Steel said, "she personalizes the Force. According to her, it has opinions, it can get frustrated, it can get angry, it favors certain people and snubs others. I don't know if you know, but I don't have much of the Force. I don't like the idea of some god out there intentionally giving me less than it gave others. I prefer the idea that some of us just happen to be better at it randomly, because that's how it works. Trusting your instincts is fine and all, if your instincts pan out. For most people, they don't."

"I … actually agree with you," Hux said slowly, "but I don't think your preferences would have anything to do with it."

"They don't," Steel said, "but the Force doesn't have preferences either. It's up to us, the ones using it. We're making decisions and acting on them and we succeed or fail based on us. Not based on the Force. If I fail at something, it's because I didn't have the ability or didn't try hard enough. Not because the Force willed it."

"They're the same thing," Caspire said patiently, "if you take a long enough perspective. It just seems that way because you inhabit your body. The Force is beyond that."

"Neither of you have the answer," Hux said. "That's what I'm hearing."

Steel shook his head. "No." He chuckled. "Did someone tell you we did?" He glanced at Kylo, who shook his head with a pursing of his lips to emphasize he didn't say that.

"I have the answer for  _me_ ," Caspire said. "And that answer is the Living Force as it has revealed itself to me."

"As well you had to," Kylo said quietly. "Such certainty is a requirement for surviving a renunciation of the dark side."

"Or the light," Steel said.

"That requires desperation," Kylo said. "That's different."

"Felt the same to me," Steel said.

"You renounced the light," Kes asked, "intentionally?"

Steel shrugged. "Sort of. It was that or die. Not a tough decision."

Kes opened his mouth, but Kylo added to Steel's words, "And let our friends die." Kes shut his mouth, which was the confirmation Kylo needed that Kes' problem was principled religious extremism – individuals must be willing to die for the cause or their morals. But it became more complicated when the whole group was involved. He still didn't regret cutting down Lor San Tekka. He suspected that was part of Kes' problem with him, too. Probably best to leave that on the list of things to not discuss.

Hux looked between Kes and Kylo, then said to Kes, "They were hostages against each other, I'm sure. That's how Snoke operated." Hux was trying to back him up, Kylo knew.

"Now," Steel said, "going back to that thing about what we know and what we don't know, since I've gathered that's half of why we're here – the other half being that one," he pointed up at the tree, "you've got to keep in mind who our teachers have been. Luke interacted with a grand total of two Jedi, maybe three depending on how you count them, and maybe two Sith, again depending on how you count them. And I don't think the Sith gave him much in the way of long conversations, though I might be wrong. He didn't have much to say about them for obvious reasons."

"Why don't you call him master?" Kes interrupted. "That was his title. You were his students."

Steel snorted softly. "That would be a sign of respect. We all agreed that was done with after he tried to kill one of us." Kes frowned. So did Kylo, but because he knew how badly that was going to go over with the guy who had served with Luke in combat. Unfazed by Kes' attempt at a guilt trip, Steel went on to Hux, "Luke told us over and over that he didn't know what he was doing. Standard Jedi training started … young."

"As near to birth as they could do it," Hux said, "or pre-verbal at least. I know a little about Jedi training."

'A little', Kylo thought with humor. But this wasn't the time to renew their (now entirely theoretical) argument about short-lived, single-purpose clones vs regulars trained for the same thing. He might, though, benefit from actually learning what Hux had to teach about the matter rather than sparring with him over it. Kylo made a note to revisit that at some point.

"Right. Young," Steel said. "They spent a couple decades learning stuff and Luke didn't even know what they learned. He supposed it was a lot of important stuff. Stuff he missed out on. Now he went around and tried to put together everything he could after the war-"

Kes nodded at this and said, "He talked about those missions. I went with him on a few before I retired."

"I'm sure he did his best," Steel agreed, glossing past that dismissively. Kylo winced. "But anything you could find in a directory was gone – the emperor wiped it out. Luke ended up with bits and pieces. Then we have our other teacher, Snoke, and you'll notice I don't call him 'master' either. I mean, I called them both master to their faces, because I happen to like my face the way it is, but Snoke doesn't get any of my respect either now that he's dead."

"Opinions on that vary within our group," Caspire said.

"You respect Snoke?" Hux asked with a polite tone Kylo heard as a very quiet threat.

"No. But-"

Kylo interrupted. "All of us realize he ruled us by exploiting our fear and lack of options." Caspire shrugged and let Kylo's explanation stand. Hux eyed her warily.

"Yeah," Steel said, continuing. "My point about him is that he didn't exactly sit us down and explain things. He'd teach us how to do stuff and occasionally he'd monologue about how wrong we or someone else was, but when you try to look back on what he'd said and make it into a working philosophy for your life, or how the Force is, it fell apart."

Caspire said, "Tark doesn't think so. He thinks most of what Snoke said made sense if you took it from a dark side perspective without Sith trappings."

"I think he  _wants_ it to make sense that way," Steel said to her. "Not that it actually  _does_." He turned to Hux. "See, I disagree with everyone about everything." He smiled.

"How does it work for you, then?" Hux asked.

"It doesn't. Maybe that's why I don't have much influence over the Force," Steel said with a short, bitter laugh. "I can't talk myself into this blind faith the others find so easy."

"It's not blind," Kylo said quietly. "But faith is a large part of it."

Caspire said, "We have each found our own path, or are still finding it."


	56. Table Talk

Poe turned his head at a sound behind him. Nera had landed. Rey was already on the ground. Tark followed. Using the Force, Rey and Tark had been soundless as they floated down. Nera had relied on her physiology for the landing. It was interesting to him that he hadn't caught Caspire or Kylo looking past them – rock-solid eyelines and not a trace of giving away their allies' approach. He glanced over to see that Steel had turned to look back at the sound. He hadn't been in the loop.

"Hey guys," Poe said to them, intending to announce the two he knew and ask about the others.

 _Let Ren introduce them,_  Hux thought to him. They were still holding hands under the table. Also, he gathered from this impromptu suggestion that Hux was reading his thoughts.

_Ah. Kay. Protocol?_

_Yes._

Kylo said, "Kes, this is Rey and Nera, whom you met at the wedding. And this is Tark Ren. Tark, Kes Dameron, Poe's father and our host."

Tark gave a brief, careful show of teeth and sketched a small bow. "Tark Ren, I am. And are you the owner of this fine residence and plot of land?"

Kes smiled the same. "I would be indeed."

"That's an important role," Tark said. Kylo glared at him.

"Is it?" Kes asked. He leaned back a little, knowing a set up when he saw one. Tark was obviously about to deliver some cutting remark.

Tark's mouth hung open for a moment and his expression shifted noticeably even on his reptilian face. Poe wasn't familiar enough with the species or this individual to read it, but Tark said, "Yeah, it is. Nice place."

Kes gave Kylo a side-eye, but Kylo's glare had ended. His face now gave away nothing. Poe had seen that before – a lot. Kes told Tark, "Have a drink if you want one. Tell you guys what, I'm going to go get some sandwiches. Poe said no one had any special dietary needs and standard human food would work. That still true?"

"Oh, I have needs," Steel said. Kes looked at him. "I eat a lot. Like, everything."

"Stop that," Rey muttered at him. "It's rude."

"Gotta be honest," Steel muttered back at her with a cheeky grin. "What, would you rather I lied to him?"

Poe waved his dad on with his free hand. "He's fine, Dad."

Kes nodded. Hux released Poe's hand and stood. "I'll help you." He and Kes walked together to the house.

There was a moment of quiet around the picnic table. "You know," Poe said quietly, "I always knew you guys talked mentally, but I never sensed it before. I do now. It's there, just a murmur, but I hear it."

"Huh," said Tark. "Well, some of us are going to go get food from the ship so Steel doesn't embarrass us by eating you out of house and home first meal. And the rest are going to have a super-secret chat with you so you don't feel left out." Tark, Steel, and Nera headed off, leaving Kylo, Caspire, and Rey. Rey sat next to Kylo so now there were the three of them along one side of the table and Poe on the other.

"Thanks for coming, guys," Poe said. "I appreciate this. You've already been more open with information than I expected. I guess now we're members of the club that you can talk with?"

"More or less," Kylo said. "What can we help you with?"

"How the Force works. How the bond works. What I need to be … careful about." Poe studied Caspire for a moment. "I don't know you that well. I want to discuss some private things."

She stood without a word and went to the tree, circling to the other side. Poe glanced back and sighed. She could still hear them with the enhanced senses of those with the Force.

"She will meditate," Kylo said. "She won't listen."

Poe put both forearms on the table and leaned in, speaking quietly anyway. "So, a week ago, when I was calling you to ask for help, Hugs was terrified. Of the Force. Of me having it. Of being married to me, being trapped. I could see it in his mind. I could feel it coming off of him. According to my dad, I was acting weird, too, so I think I was getting some of his emotions, his tension maybe.

"But that was last week. I never tried to call again, because things have gotten so much better between him and I. I am thrilled by that. So happy. Even in just the little time that's passed – they're better. We've worked out most of the stuff between us. At least as far as trust goes. I mean, he still shuts me out, but he offered to marry me all over again, so there's that." Poe smiled and laughed a little. "It was so sweet. He gave his vows a second time, that he'd marry me even with the Force involved."

Poe looked up at both of them, his face sobering, "But think about that, guys. This Force awakening was a big enough deal to him that he thought about dumping me  _after_  that big scene at the wedding." Poe breathed out heavily. "Seriously thought about it, seriously enough that he felt he needed to recommit, out loud and with witnesses. That's not what I want to put him through. Sweet or not, I feel horrible about things having gone that far.

"So. I'm glad you're here. Really what I need is directions on how not to screw this up and maybe a little reassurance for both of us that we're not complete fuck-ups. I'm concerned I might still stumble into something he'll freak out about and it will be just one thing too many. Like if our dreams merge or like the other day when he thought something and I twitched wrong on it-"

"Thought what?" Kylo asked softly.

"About … his father. He has some, uh, issues. His father was abusive. He thought about something from a long time ago."

"And?"

"Um … I was shocked and he was upset that I was shocked."

"You didn't already know the memory?" Kylo asked. "It was a memory, right?"

Poe nodded. "How would I know his memories? They're his."

Rey smiled slightly. Kylo just blinked at him. Rey said, "When you felt this awakening, what form did it take?"

"Uh … terror."

Rey's brows drew together. "No, I mean, what happened?"

"Fear and confusion. Really. That was the first." Poe jogged his head toward the tree. "We were lying in the shade there. I was meditating, in fact, thinking about flying and floating. He put his datapad aside and did the same thing – meditating, at least. Then our thoughts merged, he realized it, and he freaked out. After that it was panic. He thought about killing me. He thought about killing himself. It was bad. We talked each other down from it."

Rey's lips pursed. She asked Kylo, "What if they're not actually bonded and are just coming into their powers because they're at a vergence?"

"I think they're bonded," Kylo said. "To be fair, when the bond opened between us for the first time, you tried to kill me."

"So that's normal?" Poe asked. "Sometimes potential bondmates kill each other right away, just cancel each other out in the Force?"

Kylo tilted his head. "What a fascinating take on it. That would explain it being such an exceptionally dangerous process."

Poe nodded. "I've kinda noticed this is dangerous, yeah." His next words were like a recital: "But we're both patient, mature people who are doing our best, and being forgiving and understanding of each other. Acting stupid is off limits." He smiled thinly. "That's what I keep telling myself and for some reason, it keeps working."

Rey asked, "But you don't … know him? Inside? Who he is?"

"I, uh, well … yeah. Some?" Poe laughed nervously. "I don't know what you mean. He's my husband. Armitage Hux. I can read his thoughts – surface thoughts, only. That's all he wants me to read so far. He's afraid I'll see too much and … disapprove of him or something. So for now, that's it – we talk, we can sense each other's emotions, we get surface thoughts. We've been experimenting a little with showing each other memories and ideas. And a tiny bit recently with sensations."

Rey asked, "But you don't … have him in your heart? You don't …?" She struggled to find the right words.

"It's only been a few days," Kylo said to her. "Also, it's Hux. They're different people from us. Even if they're just as desperate for connection, Hux might be blocking it."

"Why?" Rey asked.

"Because he can. Because he's Hux."

"He's not petty," Rey said. "Is he?"

"No," Poe said. "But he's frightened. This whole Force thing has been a lot for him to get his head around. He's tried to surrender to me. I've tried to make him the one in charge on everything. We're sort of meeting in the middle on most stuff. But I'm not trying to … know … any more of him than he's willing to share. That worked for me before we were married. I think it's working now."

Kylo said, "He may also be concerned about having a permanent mental rider like with Snoke."

"Oh. He's had that?" Rey blanched. Kylo nodded. Rey agreed. "Yes, that would be terrifying, for the person you loved to-"

"Wait." Poe held up a hand, turning his focus internal. Hux was asking him something. Poe's brows drew together in puzzlement. Rey and Kylo waited. After a few mental exchanges, Poe chuckled and shook his head. "Okay. I think my sweetie is getting the hang of this Force-communication thing." He rubbed the side of his face.

"What was that?" Rey asked.

"He just wanted to ask me a question," Poe said. "That was all. Normal as can be, like he was comming me. There they are, by the way." He jerked his chin at where Kes and Hux were coming out of the house. Kes was carrying a tray. Hux had a wicker bowl with a handle that Poe knew would have been called a basket on other worlds. On cue, Tark, Nera, and Steel came around the end of the house with a crate of food supplies they'd chosen to bring as supplements for the meal. Caspire joined them as well.


	57. Making Sandwiches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This occurs co-currently with the previous chapter.

 

* * *

"What do you know of the dark side of the Force?" Hux asked as he and Kes took off their shoes before entering the house.

"I'd normally ask why you want to know, but that's obvious," Kes said. They walked inside. "It comes from the darkest part of the soul. It's evil. Obsessive. Narrow. Selfish, destructively so. You feed on pain, both your own and that of others. You cause it. They don't last long. Not without leaving a trail of misery behind them. They're miserable themselves, no matter how much power they get." Kes pointed at the counter. "Get the bread and lay it out there, two slices to a set."

Hux nodded and followed directions, considering Kes' perhaps-unconscious use of 'you' and 'they'.

"They're malicious and sadistic. They don't know love. Not  _real_  love. Not for themselves and certainly not for others." Kes got out two containers, one with white globules (spheres?) and one with brown. He poured equal measures into a press he took out of a cabinet and squashed them together with a single pull of the press's lever. The result was a rectangular patty, spotted white and brown. He peeled it out and handed it to Hux as though Hux would know what to do with it. Hux put it on the bread, hoping he was correct that there was no cooking step needed. Apparently there wasn't, as Kes saw what he did, nodded approvingly, and repeated the process.

"But you do," Kes said with a softer turn to his voice. "You know how to love someone and not selfishly, but for them. You understand sacrifice and doing things for the benefit of the other person. You're thirty-five years old and I see that in how you act." Kes pointed at the floor. "You came  _here_  because you understand love. The dark side would have tried to buy Poe off – offer him money, status, power, position – things the dark side understands. As far as I know, you never offered him anything like that."

Hux made a tiny shake of his head. Should he have? It had never occurred to him because Poe had never acted like he valued any of that. He supposed his token counted, but it was Poe who had been enamored by the rank (and even that, more because he wanted to show it off to his friends than actually do anything with it). Hux had meant it as protection and a possible resource.

Kes continued, "That's because you know what love's about. You weren't trying to keep him or tie him to you. You just wanted to be with him and have him be happy." Kes smiled at him as he handed over the last patty. "That's what confuses me about Poe saying you're using the dark side. All I can imagine is somewhere under all the fear he's distracted by is so much courage it lets the light shine through. And that's where the Force is coming from for you."

Hux smiled warmly as Kes got out a green eldon (it was some kind of vegetable-fruit) and started slicing it on the bias. Hux told him, "That is quite a compliment. Thank you." He didn't agree with it, but he could see that from Kes' point of view, it was the only way to reconcile the situation. Though it did leave him wondering how anyone told light from dark. Was it all a matter of self-identification?

"Put these on the sandwiches, two or three slices each, arranged in one layer," Kes said, pushing the first set of slices toward him and continuing with the cutting. Somewhere along the line, Kes had figured out that literal, simple directions worked best. Hux did as ordered.

Kes asked, "How long did you work with Kylo Ren?"

"A few years. He was with the Order longer, but I didn't see much of him until the final stages of construction on the Starkiller. We were co-commanders of the  _Finalizer_  for a short while." He frowned. It had been one of the most insulting assignments he'd ever been subjected to and had convinced him that Snoke was militarily inept. The complete disregard for the proper chain of command!

"What do you think of him?"

"Hm? Kylo?" Kes nodded. "Fine person. I'd die for him." He said it off-handedly, still inwardly scowling about Snoke.

Kes stopped. "What? Excuse me?" He was finished with the eldon.

Hux pursed his lips and gave the question the proper gravitas. "I have great personal loyalty to him. I trust him with my life. I personally affirmed him as the supreme leader of the First Order, my direct superior, and he was large enough in character to abdicate gracefully when called upon to do so. If you're looking for an unbiased opinion, I'm not the right person."

"I didn't want unbiased. I wanted yours." Kes stared at him for a moment more, then smiled. "You really go all-out when you like someone, you know that?" He washed his knife and put it away. He wiped a cloth over the cutting board.

Hux shrugged awkwardly. "It's not my fault you keep asking about people I practically owe life debts to. What do we do next?"

"Close the sandwiches. Is there anyone you don't like?"

"Quite a lot of them. I don't mention them."

"Give me an example?"

"No. I don't mention them. But I will say I hardly know these knights. Your son knows them better than I. I have no endorsement to give of them." He did not mention that Kylo seemed to be down one and that wasn't the one who had died. Tonza Ren was missing from the line-up. He remembered discussing her with Tritt. He should check in on that. He didn't think Tritt would kill anyone unless he was paid (or unless they were starting a fight, or going to start a fight), but Hux was not the only possible paying customer out there. Force users were a commodity – a rare one, but they had a market value.

"I'll have to ask him about them," Kes said of Kylo and the knights. "Go get the table spices and put them in the gather, then bring it over here." Kes pulled a few things out of the cooler.

Hux picked up the spices, then looked around the room. "Kes? What's a gather?"

"The gather-bag. It's right there." He pointed.

"The basket?"

"That thing. Bring it over here." Kes got a handful of napkin-cloths.

Hux complied, putting the spice containers in it.

Kes said, "Baskets are bigger. This is a gather-bag. Put all that stuff in it." He stacked the sandwiches on the cutting board, using it as a tray.

"I thought baskets were anything woven from reeds," Hux said. He was tempted to think Kes was making up some of this stuff just to mess with him. He loaded the condiments and napkin-cloths, then added a knife because a knife was always a good idea. Maybe someone would want to split a sandwich. He wouldn't be volunteering the one he carried.

"No, they're bigger," Kes told him. "Like half-barrels - that size."

Hux nodded, making a mental note to ask Poe what a half-barrel was when he had the opportunity, and not in front of his father in case it really was a prank. Then he had an idea.  _Poe?_

 _Wait, what?_ It was the first time he'd tried to contact Poe without having him in line of sight. It was unexpectedly easy, although Poe's surprise was understandable.

_There's nothing to be alarmed about. How big is a half-barrel?_

_Uh … It's, like, a dozen jergins. Why?_

_Jergins_. Hux sighed internally.  _Yet another Yavin-specific term and again not one I remember from fundamentals class._ He followed Kes out of the house.  _What's a jergin? Is it like a gallon, or a litre?_

_Yeah, a jergin is about two gallons, or, um, eight litres._

_Good._  Hux did the math and visualized the volume being discussed. He projected that to Poe. _Is that about the size of a basket?_

 _Uh … yeah. Except a basket is for dry goods. Barrels are for liquids. Cans are for gasses._  Hux could feel Poe's curiosity about why he wanted to know, but he didn't ask. _But they're all kind of loose terms._

_Thank you. Your father and I were discussing it. I thought he might be tooling with me. Most civilized places would call it a crate, but I suppose Yavinites can call them baskets if they choose._

_It's Yavinians. How do you not know that?_

_I do know that. I was being insulting. It was supposed to be a joke._

_Ah, got it._


	58. After Glow

The sun had set, but the orange-red glow of Yavin lit the evening.

"My agent suggested I petition for the senate office on behalf of Naboo," Kylo was telling Kes. They were at the end of the picnic table across from each other, chatting amicably about galactic politics. Poe was sitting next to Hux at the other end, facing out with their backs against the table. They were holding hands. The rest of their guests were discussing the Force's opinion of swamps versus deserts and the differing density of life forms in each. Nera was lying on a branch above them. The other four were on the ground in a circle, the humans sitting, Tark lying sprawled out. Poe was languidly listening to Hux's thoughts. Hux was eavesdropping, monitoring the conversations.

Rey was describing the biology of steelpeckers from Jakku. Hux tried to recall the birds, but nothing came to mind. He remembered happabores, another creature she'd mentioned, but they weren't native to Jakku. He remembered the sandskimmers, a type of snake, along with stories of a tentacled version called a sandstrider which was large enough to predate on humans. They hunted at night, along with most of the other predators Jakku featured. Despite the amelioration of temperature night afforded, most residents of Jakku wisely stayed inside after dark.

Daytime was safer. The weather was the primary danger. Hux remembered a lesson on a type of burrowing insect that had attacked one of the other children. They lived in loose colonies in the sand and were possessed of stingers with a mild poison. They weren't a danger unless you sat on the sand in the area of their colony. He tried to remember why they didn't tend to climb boots. Something about bare skin. The child who was hurt had dozens of itching red welts, but recovered well. He almost hear his father's voice droning on. Even now, years later, it was faintly terrifying to Hux that he couldn't remember every word his father had said. He strained at the memory, putting together what he retained with what seemed reasonable to have been said.

Another conversation with Brendol – they'd been on the  _Finalizer_ , after the rescue of Brendol and retrieval of Phasma from Parnassos. Armitage had already decided Brendol would die, but he was still working out the particulars. Brendol was talking about a different insect that lived in the sand of Parnassos, a beetle whose bite (or sting, he wasn't sure) was fatal. It had struck one of the warriors in Phasma's band as they'd trekked across the planet toward Brendol's downed ship. Brendol described the man's death in gruesome detail. It was a disgusting, repellant way to die – soft, swollen, insensible, helpless. Unable to look your enemy in the eye and so much as spit at him. Brendol said it was the worst way for a man to go. Those words had stuck in Armitage's mind even more than most of what his father had to say.

Hux turned his attention briefly to Kylo and Kes' ongoing discussion. Kylo was saying, "They expect their senator to act mainly as a figurehead, an opportunity to make up for some of the damage to their galactic reputation that came from Emperor Palpatine."

"The stuff you guys did in regard to the slave rings got a lot of media play," Kes said. "I think your agent might be onto something."

"Naboo does it by royal appointment, but there are only a few others asking for the position. How is it done here?"

"Election by the general citizenry," Kes said. "But I think I stand a good chance. My last name helps, for the same reason – the slave liberations, Poe's role in them. That stuff."

Poe's father was proud of his accomplishments. Benefitted from them. Hux remembered standing in front of that tank, watching the man, Brendol, floating within – a mass of indignities. He'd never been proud of Armitage and obviously he didn't benefit from the association with his son. In the end, the man had barely looked human. He did and didn't look like his father anymore.

It had been a very long vigil, longer than Hux had expected given his father's recounting of the death on Parnassos. Many times, Armitage had worried he would survive, that at some point his system would rally and overcome the toxin, just as Armitage kept telling the droids and those few who inquired was going to happen. Thankfully, it did not.

He remembered Poe was listening to his thoughts and wished he would remember that before letting himself wander down memory lane without an escort. But he didn't regret it much. It was odd – Poe in his mind still did not read as a foreign presence. There was nothing insinuative to it like with Snoke or Ren, no feeling of being watched, no prickle on his scalp. It was like Poe was part of him, just another thought, another set of thoughts. He supposed he could invade Poe's mind in return, but he didn't.

 _Go ahead_ , Poe thought,  _but I'll warn you – there's not much interesting to see._

Hux snorted softly and gave Poe's hand a squeeze. At first he didn't, then he looked. Poe felt him sort carefully through Poe's thoughts (what of them he'd had) about Hux's own wandering thoughts. Poe hadn't thought much of it, really. It wasn't that Poe was brainless, but rather that he'd been paying close attention, absorbing what was going on, and not doing a lot of reflection on what he was receiving. It was active listening without trying to relate what he was seeing to himself or jump ahead to figuring out what to do about it. There was nothing  _to do_ about it except perceive it.

 _You're not judging me. I don't know what to do about that_. Hux was pleased. The corners of his mouth turned up and he shifted his seat in what amounted to a happy squirm.

 _Just love me and share yourself,_  Poe thought to him.  _You're doing exactly what I want, what I've wanted all along. You're letting me in._

Hux rubbed his thumb over the back of Poe's hand.  _Your father told me the most wonderful thing tonight. He said I knew how to love and he explained why, and it was … I don't know, incredible that someone like him sees me that way._  It made Hux's eyes burn just to think about it. He breathed out heavily and let himself feel the emotion he'd refrained from indulging earlier, in front of Kes.

He could feel Poe basking in it, so he intensified it. Poe could feel him knowing he was feeling it. Less organized snippets of thought went through Hux's mind – Poe telling him his heart was not a shriveled thing, telling him people at the wedding would see his tears as a sign of how deeply he felt, Poe holding him, loving him, and being so patient with him. It made him beam.

It was very quiet. Poe was pretty sure he knew why, which Hux picked up from his mind and looked around with a sinking, embarrassed feeling followed swiftly by a  _'Fuck you'_  to everyone. Kylo coughed slightly and held up a hand to Kes for a pause in their discussion.

 _Did I,_  Hux started, carefully projecting only to Kylo (and Poe, he supposed, because he wasn't blocking him out),  _Did I broadcast that emotion to everyone?_  He was fairly sure his mental words hadn't gone through, but less so about the thoughts he'd been savoring … loudly.

 _Yes._ Kylo's mental voice was smug.

_Kriff._

_Such language, Grand Marshal_ , Kylo admonished him jokingly.

Hux wondered if he should tell them to go fuck themselves again or make some other show of strength and defiance.

Poe told him (and included Kylo),  _Most of them had to deal with me gushing about you for months. I'm pretty sure they enjoyed it._ Rey would, in fact, cheerily ask for his latest updates, which Poe had gladly given despite (and, well, sometimes because of) Finn's objections. He'd generally been vague about what happened because he knew Hux didn't want him sharing that, but he'd said a lot about how it made him feel.

 _Such strong positive emotions are very … nice,_  Kylo thought.

_My emotions are not for them! I don't want them to be titillated by it. Or you._

_We're not,_  Kylo thought back _. It's nice to feel. It's soothing. It's like seeing your friend whom you care about smiling and happy. We're happy for you. Do you remember how it felt to be around Snoke when he was angry? Disgusted? Tired of you? This is the opposite._

Hux calmed down a little, trying not to think about any of the things Kylo had just dredged up.  _It's still embarrassing. How do you Force users deal with this, with all of you together on the same ship?_ He supposed it was possible none of them had carnal knowledge of one another, not even Kylo and Rey, but even something like a grudge or a private joke wouldn't stay private for long.

_Proximity isn't the issue – you reached me across the galaxy a few nights ago. The Sith managed it by never having more than two of them and staying inwardly focused. The Jedi endlessly reinforced self-control and absence of emotion. Luke emoted all over the place. The group of us? We've been through a lot together. It breeds tolerance._

_It's okay,_  Poe told Hux.  _They do okay together. I've seen it. They're a team. A family – the way I think of a family._  Hux listened, thought it might be okay, wasn't sure. But Kylo had already seen him at nearly his most metaphorically naked (Snoke had seen more, but Kylo could have done the same – that he'd declined to didn't mean Hux hadn't been prepared to accept it anyway). It was these others he was less certain of.

Poe thought to him,  _You told them to go fuck themselves, too. That's fine. That's what people do. They go mind their own business. We'll just be more careful in public, okay? Neither of us are used to having a lot of other Force users around at once._

 _But what about when we're in bed tonight?_  Hux worried.  _A few walls aren't going to keep me from leaking emotions all over the place._ Poe was deeply pleased to see lurking around in the back of Hux's mind was that he didn't want to give up intimacy and snuggling and enjoying his unguarded moments with Poe, and felt resentful that he might have to, even if only for a few days. The 'letting him in' that Hux was doing – Hux enjoyed that, too.

 _I'll teach you how to maintain better shields,_  Kylo thought.  _That's part of why we're here. We'll help._

Poe thought to Kylo _, He knows how to block out me out, you out, and probably knew how to block out Snoke. Shields aren't the problem. By the way, butt out. We've got this part._

 _What?_ Hux thought with surprise, but Kylo was already gone, his mental presence having vanished.

"What's going on?" Kes asked, thoroughly out of the loop, but not unfamiliar with weird Jedi stuff.

Kylo told him, "Just addressing an issue of mental boundaries. It can be complicated in a large group."

"Yeah?" Kes said. "Everyone got so quiet. Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Kylo said. "You were telling me about your appeal to the No-Surs."

"I was just talking to some old friends yesterday," Kes said, returning to the previous topic.

 _You just told him off_ , Hux thought to Poe, having never been around to see Poe and Kylo's fairly relaxed relationship with one another.

_Hugs, he and I have buried half-rotted bodies together on a hot day and changed diapers on babies. We have literally been through shit and filth, life and death, together. I can tell him to butt out. Besides, you told him to fuck off already._

_No, I told him to go fuck himself. That's different._

_How?_

_One is to stop bothering me (go fuck yourself) and the other is to leave (fuck off)._

Even reading his mind, Poe didn't see how these were meaningfully different. Hux elaborated,  _The first is for people to stay, shut up, and listen to me. The other is that I'm done with them and they should leave._

_Um … Do you really think most people you're talking to get the nuance there?_

_I don't know. I don't say that sort of thing to people in words. It's only mentally that you'll catch me resorting to such crudities._

Poe puzzled over the irrelevance of the whole thing.

_You're in my head, Poe! I'm thinking to myself here, not making a reasoned argument._

_Okay, okay, sorry._ Poe pulled his own thoughts back to the matter at hand.  _Well, as far as Kylo goes, he's an adult. He'll be fine. You want to move this up to the back porch? We'll be a little removed. Maybe you won't feel so self-conscious._

_You can feel that from me?_

_Uh-huh._

_It's your fault, you know. Now I can't even think without thinking about what you think of what I'm thinking!_

Poe scrubbed at his face as they stood up _. We have the weirdest arguments, Hugs._

Hux took his hand again and told Kes and Kylo, "If you'll excuse us, we'll retire to the porch."


	59. Unblocked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux's disinterest here in Kylo is not me having a character voice an authorial opinion on shipping. I avidly ship Kylux in other stories. Just not this one.

Poe and Hux had retired to a lounge chair on the back porch, leaving the rest of the group to their discussions. The illusion of distance helped grant them a sense of privacy and the deeper darkness of the porch cloaked them somewhat from view. It was enough for Hux to invite Poe to sit with him on the same chair, holding him in front of him as before. Poe was grateful for the proximity.

 _I don't understand why you and Kylo never got together_ , Poe thought idly. He was still reflecting on his feelings of jealousy. _He's a fantastic guy._

Hux projected to him an image of Ren from a year earlier, helmeted, all in black, stalking around trying to be intimidating (and succeeding at it), along with Hux's simmering wrath at having to put up with this undisciplined 'person' of limited military background whom Snoke had assigned to share command of Hux's ship.

It didn't make an impression on Poe.  _Okay, so he was scary. But you're both fantastic guys. There was nothing there? Ever?_

 _Why would there be? You might as well ask me why I didn't fall in love with my chair, which at least has the redeeming features of being supportive and there for me at the end of a long day_. Hux sent him a second impression, which was a reminder that he didn't feel sexual attraction the way Poe did. Or at all, really. He liked his chair. Had more of a love/hate relationship with the bed, though. He missed them both. He especially missed that big wall screen.

Poe shrugged mentally.  _Maybe I'm too hung up on Kylo being a good catch. I'm starting to think you're the one who should be jealous._

_Of Kylo? Ha. No. If you leave me for him, you get what you deserve. But are you seriously saying you would make a pass at someone you had to work with regularly?_

Poe more or less mentally side-eyed Hux. The answer was obviously yes.

 _Oh,_  Hux thought.  _That just seems needlessly awkward. Did the Resistance not have rules about that sort of thing? The Order was very careful about fraternization. How did you manage your working relationship if you never stayed with them?_

_The Resistance was a bit light on internal bureaucracy. We fucked and went on with things. That was it. Remember me making a pass at you on Naboo? I thought that was all it would be. I was being honest. I thought we'd spend a little time together, get to know each other, and part ways a little friendlier than when we started._

_Oh. Perhaps a better question is why_ _**we** _ _got together. Aside from that._

_Because you asked me, Hugs. You told me you liked it and you wanted to do it again._

_But haven't your other partners said much the same?_

Poe breathed out heavily. _My other partners … I never felt like I was saving someone just by being with them. Why do I like being a combat pilot instead of doing stunt flying? It's because of the people I'm helping, the ones I'm saving. And, yeah, being seen as a hero. There's a reason why Leia pointed out to me how that was a problem and the reason is because that's what I was doing. It was important to me to be seen that way. Maybe it still is, but I'm trying to see a bigger picture now._

Poe continued,  _Helping you through all of this gives me something I can point to and say 'Hey, I'm a good person. I helped this guy when no one else would have.' Plus, you're super-hot, giving, lovely, you have great hair, a surprising sense of humor, you're smart and stuffy and totally different from anyone I've been with before. You're with me because you want to be. I think you were perfectly happy being alone, but you seem to think the world of what I do for you and that makes me feel so good. Like I'm still that hotshot. Like I've still got it._

 _I do think the world of what you do for me,_  Hux thought to him. He fondled Poe's hair and looked off down the gentle slope, at where the others were. He was more careful about sharing his emotions than he had been earlier, trying to keep it focused on Poe alone.

 _I wanted them here_ , Poe thought to Hux about the others,  _but now that they are, I'm not sure what to do with them._  He was laughing at himself about it.

_I'm glad they're here, even if I'm embarrassing myself in front of them. I think you're right – they don't mind and this is another conditioned response I should put aside. It takes a larger group like this to better judge social behavior. They're not really what I expected the Knights of Ren to be._

_I got to see a lot of them after they left the Order – at least Steel and Nera. I don't know the other two. Like with you, there was, uh, some deprogramming involved. Thank you for coming up here with me. I was afraid all I was going to get with them around was hand-holding and you spending time in Kylo's head._

Hux kissed him on the temple and thought unformed, positive things about looking after Poe's emotional needs. The emotions wavered as Hux tinkered with what Hux imagined as the bandwidth and targeting of his projection.

Poe went on,  _I've never cared so much about being so close to anyone before you. I guess that's what I get for so many one-night stands. Always expecting people to leave. Or knowing I was going to. Had to. Should, I guess. I hate that word sometimes._

_Your father's/faith's philosophy of not getting attached? A Jedi thing? Church of the Force?_

_Probably, yeah. That stuff gets inside your head. Or mine. I've got my own deprogramming to do? It's like all the stuff that's gotten inside yours from the Order._

_My father. Snoke. Others. I don't blame the Order itself, but I understand it's a handy catch-all term. I'll try not to be defensive about it. Or judgmental about your past._

After a while, they watched as the main group of knights headed off toward the Falcon. Nera stayed up in the tree, either intending to sleep there or just staying up later. Kes and Kylo talked a little longer, then came up the slight rise toward the house.

"-when the shuttles run, that's right," they heard Kes telling him. "I'm going to turn in. It might look light to you with Yavin up, but it's pretty far into the evening."

"I'll be up a little longer," Kylo told him. "Our sleep cycles are out of sync with day and night here."

Poe felt Hux shift uncomfortably behind him and for a moment, he thought he was going to be pushed away due to Kylo Ren's approach. It was both angering and depressing, all while he still understood it. It was just what they'd been talking about – the Order or whoever they wanted to attribute it to discouraged even so public a display of affection as sitting together. But then Hux made good on putting aside the conditioned response. As the two came nearer, Hux put his arm around Poe's chest and pulled him flush against him, then leaned back.

 _This is what you need from me?_ Hux thought to him.

Poe was hesitantly affirmative. Poe did love this – the possessiveness of being claimed right in front of someone who'd had more of Hux's attention than Poe liked (which Poe knew was stupid, but trying to deny how he felt wasn't going to help). It was more overt than Poe had expected from Hux. Whether it was a need or a want – he didn't know.

 _This is fine_ , Hux soothed, holding him tighter and articulating what had been unformed earlier.  _Please understand, my darling (_ _ **mine**_ _), that I am happy to provide what you need to stay with me, and I always have been. Whether that is particular words (I love you), affectations (my accent), my appearance, an oath, or holding you close – pleasing you is the point of our relationship. Duty is not a concept. It is an action. The same for love, or so Eddiva tells me, and so it seems your father believes as well. Loving you without doing things for you is empty. You are my most important duty._

 _I am so lucky with you._  Poe shut his eyes in bliss and let his head rest on Hux's shoulder. He noticed how Hux had not argued Poe's feelings, not even the stupid jealousy. He heard his father go on by into the house and then the sound of Kylo settling in the other chair.  _You do so much for me. I feel guilty about it._

_You shouldn't. I'm not the only one of us who gave up a military career for this, left all his friends and associates, and chose a partner whom most of your previous social structure thinks of as the enemy. You've radically changed your sex life and you have committed to walking on eggshells around me for however long it takes. That you do not see these as sacrifices is why I have such certainty you are the one for me. If you had to give up things you regretted, things you missed, things you constantly weighed against our relationship, then I would worry. But you think you've done nothing. That's perfect._

Poe breathed out heavily and stroked Hux's thigh. Kylo cleared his throat. Poe suspected Hux wasn't the only one who needed to work on not broadcasting his feelings so freely.

"Yes," Hux said. "I know you're still there. I know this is hideously inappropriate by the Order's standards. I happen to be on a planet infested with Rebels and no one seems inclined to do anything about it. The old standards don't apply. What do you want?"

"I thought you might want to talk about things. But if you're busy, we can talk tomorrow."

"What do we have to talk about?" Although Hux's manner was curt, Kylo seemed to be taking it in stride. It occurred to Poe that Hux's softer mannerisms were a very recent thing, adopted for the benefit of Poe and his father. There was an aggressive, stiff-backed tone to Hux's voice that underlined for Poe that any jealousy was completely unwarranted. He was glad to feel the emotion evaporate.

Kylo answered, "Snoke. The dark side. The Force as you're using it. Your bond."

"Oh." It came out as almost a grunt.

"Tomorrow we'll go over the basic powers of the Force, the ones that crop up most often in those able to use it. Also, meditation, centering exercises, and a few things Rey and I have noticed are different or easier due to the bond. All of those things are the same no matter light side, dark side, Living Force, or other. We can discuss them as a group or separate if you wish. But I thought there might be things you'd want to discuss privately first."

"Should I leave?" Poe asked, sitting up. "For the other conversation?"

Hux said, "No."

Poe exhaled heavily and turned to be more comfortable, with his feet over the side of the lounge chair so he could face Kylo. Hux put his leg in Poe's lap as though to make sure he didn't stand up. Poe rested his hands on his shin and gave Hux a sly smile. The guy was reading him and responding to it, Poe was sure. Hux didn't act like this normally. Poe blushed a little and petted Hux's shin appreciatively.

"You can block him out?" Kylo asked, looking at Hux and jerking his chin slightly at Poe.

"I don't know that I can," Hux answered. "I have tried. It did not work. What happens instead is, as far as I can tell, he does not look. He has a very … light presence in my mind. I don't know that I feel him at all unless he projects something or I look in his head to see my own thoughts reflected. He's been listening in on me a lot for the last few days. I've begun to think he actually likes me."

Poe smiled. He rubbed lightly at Hux's calf. He had the sense that it was just on the edge of what Hux wanted to deal with (sensation-wise) at the moment, so he stopped after a few kneads.

"Ah." Kylo nodded. "That solves a mystery. I don't think I could block Rey if I wanted to. It never occurred to me to try. Are there reasons why you do?"

Hux was quiet for a moment. "No."

"Good. I don't suggest you make a habit of it. Now the other subjects," Kylo said.

"Is Snoke still alive?" Hux asked without waiting for Kylo to lead the conversation.

"No."

"You're certain?"

"Yes. You saw his body."

"Yes, and I also saw Luke Skywalker on Crait, just as our targeting systems did. I obviously can't trust my own eyes or equipment sensors when it comes to the Force. Is Snoke … out there? In some other form, as a ghost? Or perhaps possessing someone?"

Kylo gave Hux a long look. "Is Brumos well?"

"Yes, he's fine," Hux said. "But he never remembered those periods anyway, when Snoke used him. I'm sure Snoke chose him for that reason – less interference from an unguarded mind."

"I am still seeing new reasons for Snoke's decisions, even after all this time," Kylo said.

Hux said, "From the beginning, Rax warned us about the emperor's ghost enforcing his will if any of us deviated. Thrawn believed in it. When nothing interfered with Thrawn's reinterpretation of the Contingency Plan, we took it as endorsement. Even Sloane, despite her disavowal of superstitious nonsense, acknowledged the Force allowed many things beyond normal possibility. The Force does allow life after death, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Is he still out there?" Hux asked with emphasis.

"I don't know. I have not felt him. Have you?"

"No." Hux huffed. "But you're sure such ghosts can exist? I'm not just being paranoid and believing some twisted morality tale Rax used to frighten us into submission?"

"I have seen one myself. Luke."

"After you killed him?"

"No, before." It was said so plainly that both Hux and Poe's heads snapped toward him. Kylo smiled at the joke. Poe grinned and squeezed on Hux's shin.

"Did he attack you in some way?" Hux asked.

Kylo shook his head. "He came to me at a time when I was regretting never having made amends with my mother. He had his own regrets. It helped me to hear him … acknowledge his mistakes instead of preaching to me about inner strength. I listened to him and as he knew I would, I thought about his words endlessly – things he had come back from the other side to tell me. I think it was as much for his closure as mine, but that didn't make it any less helpful to me."

Kylo looked away. "I don't know that I would have accepted something solely altruistic from him. I'm too much on the dark side myself." The emotion in Kylo's voice was enough that they were silent for nearly a minute.

Poe turned to Hux. "If Snoke were still out there, don't you think you would know by now?"

"Maybe he poisons the new government or the next generation. I don't know."

Kylo said, "We should be vigilant against all dangers, Snoke or otherwise. I intend to join the new government. If I sense him, I'll let you know. Aside from that, I can't give you the certain answer you want. You'd doubt it anyway."

"I would," Hux affirmed. "I'm glad to hear the abdication wasn't the end of your political career."

Kylo nodded slowly. "From what I knew of Snoke's intent, dying was never part of his plan. He boasted to Rey seconds before I cut him apart that he could not be betrayed. Yet he was."

"Perhaps he plays a very long game," Hux said.

Kylo shrugged. "Drown yourself in fear if you must. For me – I am certain that Rey and I beat him. That's all I need. If he is out there, then he is diminished. I grow stronger and more secure every day, surrounded by friends and family, finding my place in all of this." Kylo looked pointedly at Hux. "So do you. Were Snoke to rise before you in the flesh even now, do you see how much more powerful you are, how much stronger in heart and will, than you were the last time you stood before him?"

"I would totally kick his ass for you," Poe put in.

Hux snorted, laughed, and grinned, pulling Poe sideways against his chest and nuzzling his head joyfully. He kept laughing at the mental image of Poe literally kicking a downed Snoke while the creature tried ineffectually to use Force lightning.  _Darling, my love, I believe you. You would face down that ancient evil on my behalf, as fearless as you have always been._

 _Babe, I- Uh …_  Poe hesitated about that term of endearment.

 _Yes? 'Babe'? You were speaking to me?_ Hux refused to entertain any of his previous prickliness about the word.

_Well, I was just going to say … 'Babe' … that I flew to Starkiller Base with no idea how all of that was going to work. Do or die missions are my specialty._

_No more of those. You're too valuable to me. But I understand your point. … Also, don't blow up any more of my bases._

_Definitely won't. Got it._

"My last point," Kylo said. "The dark side."

Hux released him and Poe sat up again. "As we sit here in the dark," Poe said.

"Have you learned to heighten your senses yet?" Kylo asked.

"No," Poe said.

He shrugged. "You should. We have plenty of light. I heard your father taking a leaf from Luke Skywalker's book on the tragic waste that is someone who finds themselves on the dark side."

"I am not my father," Poe said staunchly. "I do not agree with him."

"That's what I wanted to hear," Kylo said.

Hux chuckled. "It gets better. Kes has convinced himself that I am secretly a user of the light side of the Force. I think it's the only way he can imagine me as a halfway decent person."

"Light?" Poe asked.

"Yes," Hux answered. "Cognitive dissonance can twist even the most reasonable minds."

"Oh, wow," Poe said, chuckling with him. "That is … uh, maybe I should talk to him."

Kylo said, "Perhaps it would help him to see the dark side as a result rather than a cause. It can be both, but people tend to be more sympathetic to the first than the second. "

"What do you mean?"

"The world hurts you," Kylo said. "You respond with anger, pain, frustration. That is the dark side as a result of events outside yourself. Your father currently sees the dark side as caused by a flawed person, a soul that can't be redeemed. But redemption doesn't mean you channel light. It means you are satisfied with yourself and your choices. You have forgiven yourself. You know your place in the world and your worth. There is nothing inherently light-sided about any of that. I am sure Palpatine and Snoke didn't tolerate self-doubt. It manifested as arrogance. But the light side can be arrogant as well."

"You have never told me I needed to feel bad about what I've done," Hux said to Poe.

Poe shrugged. "What would that accomplish? Making you feel bad about things you've done would just be making you feel bad. And not admitting that you had damn good reasons to do it. I've seen your reasons. They were a hell of a lot better than mine for the stuff I've done that I still feel bad about."

Hux stroked his side. "You'll have to tell me about that one of these days."

Poe gave him a long look in the dim light, then nodded. "I think … you'll understand when I do. I just don't," Poe found his voice tightening, even though the two people he was sitting with weren't going to judge him, "I don't want you to listen to me and then say 'good', like I did the right thing. It wasn't. I don't want you to tell me it was. Or that it had to happen. None of that. I fucked up. And I've got to live with that."

Hux kept stroking him, his hand moving to Poe's back. "Then I will live with it as well."

Poe blinked at him, swallowing. "Me … not accepting that … means you can't either?"

"How could I? It's not mine to accept. I love you. I will listen as you have shown me how. And to the best of my ability, I will share this burden with you until you are ready to put it down."

Poe exhaled slowly, then leaned in to Hux, who put his arms around him. "I hadn't realized," Poe said, "if I don't forgive myself, you can't either. And I just told you I didn't want you to forgive me, or tell me that you did."

"Oh, I'll let you wallow in self-pity if it makes you happy," Hux said with a gentle laugh. "You are a very strange man at times."

Poe pressed his face to Hux's upper chest. "Thank you."


	60. Breakfast

"You were all Luke's students before you were Snoke's?" Kes asked as he put out a tray of poached eggs. Poe followed him, putting biscuits on the table. Hux had already put out gravy (he'd insisted it was 'sauce' and Poe hadn't been able to figure out the difference, but he was sure there was one).

Steel nodded, but Rey said, "I was never Snoke's 'student' and I was only with Luke for a few days."

Kylo said, "She wasn't at Luke's academy."

"How does that happen?" Kes asked as he returned to the kitchen. The table was full. He'd left a plate for himself next to the sink. "You came to the Force on your own?"

"For the most part," Rey said.

Kes asked, "Did Snoke have any students who weren't Luke's?"

Steel shook his head and this time no one differed.

Kes said, "I thought Sith always had a student. Who did he have before you guys came along?"

Tark said, "He wasn't Sith."

"He- What?" Kes looked at Tark.

Steel snorted and coughed, shoveling food onto his plate

"I made the same mistake," Poe admitted.

Tark said, "Snoke was not Sith."

"How … I don't mean to be offensive here, but how would you know? They're masters of deception."

Tark shrugged, swallowing an egg whole. He'd done the same with his sandwich the day before, which had been impressive enough that Poe stared for a second before minding his own business. Tark said, "How do you know I'm not a Twi'lek?"

"It's that easy to tell?" Kes asked.

Tark shrugged again. "People can call themselves whatever they want, but I believe Luke that the Sith are gone. If Snoke was one, he never admitted to it, and it doesn't matter anyway."

"Luke said that? Luke Skywalker?"

"Uh-huh." Tark was done eating now, everything on his plate gone down the hatch. He held up his empty plate. "What do I do with this?"

Kes looked from it to Tark, a hint of a smile curling his lips. "What do you think you do with it?" Tark looked at him blankly. Kes drew in a breath and his brows pulled together like a thought just occurred to him, but he didn't say anything. Tark went to the sink and began to wash his plate. Kes looked down with a puzzled expression.

Poe said quietly, "Guys, don't use Force powers on my dad without his permission – not even reading his mind." There was a long moment of silence as Tark finished washing his plate and put it away on the rack just like Kes would have done. Kes looked at that, then over at Poe where Poe sat at the table. Then Kes gave the room a slow, wary glance. Poe looked at Kylo. "Kylo?"

"As he says," Kylo said.

Kes chuckled. "So, all but Rey were at Luke's first. Do any of you keep in touch with your families?"

"We have each other," Caspire said.

"But you came from somewhere," Kes insisted. "Each and every one of you has a story. And people."

Caspire shrugged. "My family died on Hosnian Prime. They were lesser functionaries of the Republic government. They're gone."

"That must have been hard to handle," Kes said, "to have your own side take them out? You were in the First Order then, right?"

Tark said, "We were never in the First Order." He'd moved over near the door out, but was just loitering there for now, out of the way.

Caspire differed. "As far as he's concerned, we were." To Kes, she said, "They didn't consult me about targets. Although if they had, it was war. It happened."

Kes still gave her a concerned look. So did Hux. Caspire acted indifferent.

Kylo said, "My parents are dead as well. The families of the others are their own business. They don't have to share that with you."

"I know that," Kes said, giving Kylo a mildly offended look.

"Then stop asking," Kylo said. "Once is acceptable. Twice is not." Kes's expression quit being 'mildly' offended and went to 'fully'.

Tark made a coughing hiss. "Ignore him. He's rude," he said of Kylo. "He's just oversensitive because his are dead." Kylo gave Tark a withering look, but Tark only showed Kylo his teeth. Tark turned to Kes. "Trandoshans don't even have the concept of family.

"You see," Tark leaned forward, "here's how it works – you eat a lot. Like,  _a lot_." He waved a claw vaguely. "That's when you get laid. If you're still interested in fighting, then you clearly haven't been served enough food. After that, if you keep eating well, you'll pop out an egg. Stash it somewhere warm and a few months later, bam! Another Doshie, just like that."

Kes glanced between Kylo and Tark, but Kylo … frankly appeared to be sulking. Poe knew him well enough to know that was pretty much what he was doing. Kylo was usually transparent, either showing no emotion at all or having it writ all over his features, like now. Kes asked Tark, "Do the parents take care of the young?"

"No." Tark gave him a puzzled look. "I said that. No family. No parents. Except like, biologically. You hatch and that's it. You're on your own. We don't have your weird mammalian hormones and urges about it to warp our minds. All this pair-bonding crap and taking care of squalling, helpless milk-eaters? Psh. Doshans start with teeth and hunting instincts. We fend for ourselves from the time we hatch. We don't need anyone."

"He dissembles," Kylo said quietly. "Trandoshans are pack hunters. They're social creatures."

Tark made a dismissive noise. If he minded Kylo calling him a liar, he didn't show it. "With other Doshans," he insisted. "I don't like any of you." No one spoke. Kylo sighed softly and shook his head. Caspire and Steel gave Tark a level look. Tark said, "I would steal all your food and kill you in your sleep if I thought I could get away with it."

"Sure, sure," Steel said as he took his dish in to clean it. He snagged Rey's as he went. Like him, she was a fast eater. "That's why the rest of us take turns sleeping and keeping watch. You're dangerous. One of these days, someone's going to doze off and we're all going to die."

"Exactly!" Tark said with enthusiasm. "You have to realize that! Guard against it!"

Caspire said, "We've spent fifteen years with you. You must not be very good at this 'killing people in their sleep' business."

"He should take lessons from Luke," Kylo said in a muffled voice. Steel chortled as he put the rinsed dishes in the rack.

"I said if I could get away with it," Tark said. "Obviously, I couldn't until recently. How do you know Luke didn't take lessons from me?"

"Maybe he did," Kylo said as an aside to Caspire. "He wasn't very good at it either." Everyone seemed to think this was funny except Kes. Poe watched his father struggle to figure out how to react.

Hux offered rather tentatively, "That's why everyone should sleep with a knife."

Kylo readily accepted his contribution and said, "I always sleep with a lightsaber."

"I always sleep with a Kylo," Rey said.

"Oh!" Steel said. "I can't top that." He headed to the door to hang with Tark. He took an extra biscuit as he went.

Caspire snorted and covered her mouth. She coughed over her breakfast. Poe chewed his lips and traded looks with her, appreciating her dirty mind. Tark looked back and forth between them. "Why is that funny?" Steel was watching and trying to figure that out, too. The two innocents in the group.

Poe shook his head. "No reason."

Steel gave it up and turned to Tark. "If someone else killed us in our sleep, you'd be mad, wouldn't you?"

"Of course!" Tark shrugged and said, "I'd at least want to  _see_  you die! I'm sure it would be an interesting fight. As long as they wake me up first, then it's okay."

Steel nodded sagely.

Kes breathed out heavily. "You guys are the most irreverent nerf-herders I've ever eaten with. You're like a bunch of soldiers. Takes me back."

"Might be a reason for that," Steel said, stuffing the biscuit in his mouth.

Hux told Kes, "They were Snoke's personal enforcers but most of their missions were augmented with the company of troopers. It made the chain of command a bit messy and, likely, less formal."

Kes said slowly, "So … the missions of soldiers, but without the discipline."

Steel grumbled something, but his mouth was still full so it was inarticulate. Caspire gave him a grimacing frown like she understood him anyway. Tark said, "Oh, there was discipline. Just not the same. Snoke had different standards."

There was a sudden, uncomfortable silence. Kes asked, "What, you joke about Luke, but not about Snoke? Come on. The guy's  _name_  rhymes with 'joke'."

Tark huffed a laugh with too much tooth. Steel shrugged. Caspire was giving her empty plate an unfocused stare. Nera was silent as she had been all meal. Kylo and Rey both looked at Hux as though expecting him to speak, or perhaps just hoping he would. Hux said, "Have I mentioned to you that we've purchased a shop?"

"No," Kylo said. "You have not. Tell me about it."

Kes looked at Hux and said quietly, "Not just you, then."

Hux snapped at him irritably, "No! It was not just me! I thought that would be clear from what I've related to you. It was everyone – everyone who was close to him!" Poe put down his fork and fidgeted with his hands, shooting Hux a few concerned looks for the loud outburst.

Kes looked at Hux with a tight smile. "You need to tone that down." His own tone was gentle, but that didn't change it from being a rebuke. Hux visibly steamed from it – his upper lip twitched and he shifted slightly, but said nothing.

Poe was right on the verge of saying or doing something himself to break the tension when Kylo asked, "Is the plan still for an ice cream shop?"

"Yes," Hux answered. He sighed and looked back to Kylo. "It is, along with fizzies and pastries. It's in an area of town not far from the city center and has a fair amount of foot traffic."

Poe said, "The community center where we were married is just a few blocks from it. I'd love to take you by. I think we still have to sign or attest or … do something." He looked to Hux. "You handled most of the paperwork."

Hux said, "The contract is drawn up and agreed to. Funds have been transferred to a holding agency which is how they do it here. Then there's a community review. We've submitted a business summary. I was careful to keep my name off everything."

"Your name?" Kylo asked.

"You blow up a few inhabited planets and no one ever wants to let it go," Hux said. He looked over at Caspire, who had taken her plate to the sink. Nera was next to her. The two of them were half-facing each other and being quiet together. Kes had come over to the table and was picking up the serving dishes.

"Ah," Kylo said.

"It's a straightforward process," Hux said, looking back to Kylo. "Economic development isn't put to a public vote, so we should be fine. There's no reason for us to draw attention, though."

"Is there enough …" Kylo looked to Kes questioningly, "commercial growth? To support new businesses?"

Kes shrugged. "I should probably look into that, if I'm going to run for Senate," he mused.

Hux said, "It's a lovely pastoral, underutilized area. I can't imagine the population will stay low for long."

Poe said, "Not much left of the Rebellion to repopulate it. Wait, one more egg." He claimed the last egg from the tray before Kes took it away.

Hux said dryly, "I happen to know of many individuals looking for places to settle, most of them young people looking to start families and improve their situation. If Yavin is as open-minded as they promote themselves to be, then they might do well in attracting some of them."

"Wh- … oh." Poe said, looking at him. He knew the answer: "Everyone in the First Order who didn't make the cut into the new military."

Hux said, "And those who mustered out voluntarily. In addition to the massive deprogramming efforts, there is also a resettlement branch."

Kes crossed his arms, grinning and leaning on the kitchen counter after having divested himself of the serving dishes. "Are you suggesting you would have my planet overrun by a bunch of imperial knock-offs? Just when I was starting to get used to  _you_? How many are we talking about?" Hux gave him a smile that was somewhere between vicious and amused. Kes asked, "Is this because I told you not to shout at the breakfast table?"

Hux chuckled. "No. I would not be so petty." Kylo coughed, covered his grin, and gave Hux a 'really?' look. He glanced over at Poe next, obviously remembering Rey's question from the day before.

Poe shrugged helplessly at both of them. "I told you. He's not petty. A little vindictive, maybe, but not petty." He suspected this was a gravy/sauce distinction that ultimately meant nothing.

"Shush," Hux told him affectionately.

Steel said, "I've never been part of the checkerboard gang, but even I've heard that's wrong."

"What?" Hux snapped at him, the smile from addressing Poe vanishing. "Are you calling me a liar? You do not get to say that sort of thing." He turned to Kylo. "Tell him not to say that sort of thing!"

Kylo blinked at him a couple times, then looked at Steel. "Don't say that sort of thing."

"Oh," Steel said. "Yeah. Sure, Lord Ren. Will do." He looked unconvinced.

"The nerve!" Hux said. "Completely out of line. Inappropriate. Your people are deplorable," Hux firmly told Kylo, who nodded agreeably. Hux turned back to Kes and spoke normally. "We should talk about it at some point. And soon. I've been contacted asking my opinion. I would like yours before I respond. Especially if you're running for Senate. Whoever is elected will ultimately be the one approving their citizenship requests."

"A whole planet full of you guys?" Kes asked. "That would really be something. The No-Surs would roast me alive. I like it."


	61. Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inside Kes' house, at the breakfast table.

 

Tark settled himself in at the breakfast table of Kes Dameron's house. He hadn't sat at it earlier, as it had been a bit crowded earlier and he didn't like to be jostled. Across from him was the human Armitage Hux. Tark studied him – orange hair, whitish skin, small eyes. Standard human male of mid-adult age in what passed as casual dress for most of the Republic – one or two layers of low-cost, durable, and drably-colored fabric. He was the least impressive-looking of the three individuals Tark had met who had run the First Order. Appearances didn't matter much, but it was what he had so far.

After a suitable time of examining one another, Hux asked, "People have been making an assumption that I am a follower of the dark side. Is this true? How do you know?"

"It's not really something you 'follow'," Tark said, leaning in closer to stare rudely at Hux. He was trying to get a feel for him through the Force. The human was slippery, though, to an extent that pretty much screamed 'dark side'. Hux's eyes narrowed slightly. Although he was making plenty of eye contact, he was looking over Tark's other features as well. His eyes weren't fixed on Tark's like he was in high alert, but he did not appreciate Tark's intensity.

Tark straightened and laid off the examination. "Light, dark? They're clear-cut, but not for the reasons most people claim. Some of the other stuff can get flakey, but we'll stay on the basics for now. The dark side is characterized as selfish as though that's a bad thing. It's not. You have to take care of you, first and foremost. And nothing about following or channeling the dark side means you're a kriffing droid. You have feelings. You're encouraged to have feelings, and to act on them. The Sith were all about passion. You can't use the dark side without a lot of emotion, emotion so deep that your heart would tear apart the fabric of reality if it had to."

The human was listening attentively and not merely to be polite. He did not interrupt or offer his own thoughts.

"That is the dark side – you  _feel_." Tark leaned back a little. "You're engaged. Things matter to you. The dark side centers on the self and the self is all that exists, all you are, but like I said – you're not a droid and that's where some of the misconceptions come in. You'll still have important people in your life – a master, apprentices, companions, bondmate, parents, offspring, neighbors, whatever. It's not like you don't have friends, you just don't feel toward them like most people do. Or like light-siders do." Tark gave a slow, lazy blink. "It's sometimes hard to tell if they care about anything at all. Their philosophy, the light side, is to let it all go. Let it mean nothing to you."

"Oh. Well. Yes, I can see why I am not on the light side." Hux delivered it deadpan, but there was amusement in the emotions Tark sensed from him.

Tark's lips unsealed and sealed a couple times, showing brief flashes of teeth. "The light side tells you to let the will of the Force decide. And know – I'm not against this. Caspire … she made the most lousy dark side user you can imagine. I felt sorry for her.  _I_  felt sorry for her." Another slow blink. "She's much better off following the Living Force. A dark sider would never let the Force decide something. Anything. You decide it yourself. You're in control. You accept responsibility. You do your utmost. You give it all, all the time.

"The light side's lazy. They try to accept things instead of changing them. They try to find wisdom instead telling it how it is. They want to care about everyone and all life, the balance, the cycle. They don't see that none of that matters unless it matters to  _you_. The world is just as balanced with one person in charge and everyone else not as it is if you spread out authority somehow – however they think it needs to be done. And if you go raze a planet, the galaxy is still just as balanced as it used to be. The Force doesn't need any of us to save it or preserve the balance or whatever. All the light side users are trying to do is impose their personal morality on everything. They're projecting. At least the dark is honest about it."

"I see. So it's about emotion, passion, and … self-awareness?"

"Yeah. The more that emotion winds through you, the more you focus on yourself and how you feel, the stronger you'll be."

"What about this from Kes, about pulling one's self out of the dark side, or this turning or not turning you mentioned with Caspire?"

"Listen, Kes is full of kark. He's Force-null. What the hell does he know, huh? Besides, light side followers are assholes. No offense to Rey, but she at least knows to keep her mouth shut. Most of them don't. Like Kylo says, the dark side does not have a monopoly on arrogance."

"How many light side followers are among your group?"

"Just Rey."

"Then … how do you know most of them are assholes?"

Tark grinned at him. "Luke's school. We were all assholes. If we'd just kept our mouths shut that night and practiced what Luke had been teaching us, none of that would have happened."

"That night?"

"The night we burned down the Jedi Academy and killed all the other students. None of that would have happened if 'Master' Luke had practiced what he'd been preaching, either. But the light is a hypocritical liar – promises one thing, delivers another. Everyone was in such a hurry to tell everyone else how wrong they were that night, when we should have just shut up and listened. You're going to have to expect that out of your mate. If you want to keep him, you'll have to look the other way a lot, because dragging him over to the dark side doesn't help."

"Go on."

The human showed amusement on his face, but also curiosity. His emotional read matched up, so Tark decided to indulge him. He held up a claw and leaned forward. "You will never see a dark sider proselytizing. Never ever. Not gonna happen. You will never hear them suggesting people join up, telling them it's a good way of life, or talking about being a better person because of it. No one on the dark side is going to spoon feed you a load of poodoo to get you to sit through one of their lectures – not unless they want something from you." He laughed a little. "I mean, if they do, you need to check yourself."

Tark leaned back. "Doesn't matter if it's Sith or others – nobody puts themselves on the dark side on purpose. Yeah, we sort of do because we make choices, blah blah blah, but the reality is the only way you can channel the dark side is if the galaxy has already shown you exactly where you stand in it – way down at the bottom, kicked in the face, stepped on and over by others."

His voice dropped to a whispering hiss. "That's where you find your rage. That's where your terror lives. That's where you keep the lust, the passion, the ambition, the drive for revenge and vengeance and everything you've deserved but never been able to get!" He gave a slow blink. "No dark sider is stupid enough, naïve enough, to suggest someone else would want to somehow … artificially do that to themselves. No amount of power is worth it. That's the thing you realize in the dark side. Power's the only thing you have. Because you never had any of that other stuff to start with."

"How did you get to the dark side? I thought you started with Luke? Did he know what you were?"

Tark's laugh was hollow. "He knew what I was. He didn't like it. He tried to feed me the light side grief and I even believed it for a while. Longer than I should have. Then I … learned what I was really made of. I fell. I was dark before we even got to Snoke. But you do point something out – it can be forced. You can make yourself fall if you want to, I suppose. I just can't see why anyone would. It's like pretending you're better off dying than healthy."

"How is it forced? What does that transition entail?"

Tark was silent for a moment, remembering what his companions had gone through, what Casp had gone through just a few months earlier in transitioning out of the dark. He looked over the human's face again. This was a question that mattered to him. It made sense that it would, given that he was bonded to someone not on the dark side. "You have to find it in yourself to be devoted entirely to the other side." He smiled in human fashion, drawing his lips back and up. "It sounds so easy, doesn't it? Luke always said it was easier to go to the dark, to be tempted, let yourself fall into wrath and ruin, obsession and desire. Selfishness. I don't think he knew what the dark side really was.

"It wasn't easy. You have to realize you are everything bad anyone ever said about you – not that they thought it, but that it was really true. You have to know you're worthless. You're second rate. It's branded on your face, on your skin. It's in your cells and your blood." Tark leaned forward, baring his teeth. "You have to accept you're a monster. There's no going back. No getting better. No changing your mind. The only way you make the turn is to be total, complete, and absolute. You have to give up your soul, your dignity, and every shred of value. You're dirt, a cast-off shed of a better person. At the end of it, if you did it right, you're going to get angry. You're going to hurt. And you're going to hurt others. That's how it is. If you didn't do it right … you die, because you have no reason to live."

"I understand."

It was not trite. Hux really seemed to. "Yeah. So you do. You're on the dark side. But do you see what I mean? No one's going to accidentally end up that way. It's not something you switch back and forth on one day to the next. It's not something any dark sider's going to think is a good idea for you to do to yourself. Snoke required it – convert or die, that was the deal, and it made perfect sense from his position. He wanted us powerful. He wanted useful tools and not a bunch of stupid light-siders 'accepting' everything and meditating all the time. He had an empire to run.

"Some of us made the turn better than others. Like I said, Caspire was lousy. She somehow kept the idea in her head that she was a decent person who had made the right choice, even if she beat herself up about it." He shrugged. "She's good at delusion, I guess. Obviously, she found a way out once Snoke was gone. That's for her to tell, not me."

"She said you helped her. How? What manner of help do you give someone going through that?"

"That's very personal." Tark paused, considering whether to share this. "But I think I can be generic enough. In our case, we joined minds and talked through it. We both had a lot to come to peace with, though I don't really like that turn of phrase. I'm never going to be 'at peace' with myself until I'm dead, or at least I hope I'm not. My fire's not out yet. I know that. She saw it. Hers was. She was ready to douse the embers and give up herself, her past, her future. You can't stay on the dark side like that. You'll die. Better to be what she needed to be – one with everything or whatever.

"I make fun of that sometimes, but it's fine. That's how she is. She managed to get there. Some of it was by comparing herself to me. We've been through a lot together. She was there when Luke picked me up from Keyfinder Station. She was there when I fell. I was there when she gave everything up to Snoke. And I was there when she found the light again. If I joke about it, it's because it hurts." He showed his teeth to Hux. Hux surprised him by showing his blunt little white teeth in return. For both of them, it faded into a smile.

"You know what your fire is. There's nothing I can teach you. It's already in there." Tark waved a dismissive claw at Hux.

The human nodded. "You've clarified a great deal. Thank you."


	62. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Jedi Code as it was taught to Poe is slightly different from the canon Jedi Code. This is intentional on my part. The Church of the Force has small, but significant differences from the Jedi, despite the best efforts of both to stay as true as possible to the original material (which was not necessarily perfectly accurate either).

 

"So," Rey said, "I'm going to have Caspire lead on this because she's probably the best educated among us." They were sitting together on the grated floor of the cargo area of the  _Falcon_.

"Kylo knows as much as I do," Caspire said.

"But he's not on the light side," Rey said.

Caspire shrugged like that didn't matter.

"But neither are you," Poe said to Caspire. "Right?"

"The Living Force doesn't take sides. But if I had to say, the light appeals to me more than the dark. I spent twice as long studying the precepts of the light under Luke as I did on the dark side with Snoke. The first thing I did once I was free to choose was to go to Master Yoda's home and seek a way to reconcile everything I'd learned. Luke had mentioned there was both a light and dark side vergence there. It was what I needed."

"What did you find out?"

"The light side is easy, if you're able to open yourself to it and that's the trick. Some people can't. You have to be willing to set aside your own importance. Your body, your background, your position in society – it's what you know. It's the center of perception and existence for you, but it doesn't mean there isn't an entire galaxy beyond your skin. The light side shows you your place in that galaxy. You can't embrace the light side without accepting there's something greater than yourself at work in the world

"Once you do, once you  _really_  accept that, you gain patience, understanding, and empathy. These are the source of the light side's strength. The greatest thing you can achieve is acceptance. From that, you will find peace, joy, and love. Struggle and conflict are not things which trouble the light. Let go of attachments. Let go of your ego. Embrace humility and you will find truth. You will find harmony with the world as it is, without needing to change it to suit you. Clear yourself of anger, aggression, and hatred. Know that those come from desire and hubris. Let them go. You don't need them.

"All you need is the Force. The ashla or light side of the Force is the true and only Force. The dark side stems from the same source, just as water is water no matter the vessel that contains it. Are you familiar with the Jedi Code?"

"Yeah," Poe answered. Caspire made a gesture inviting him to prove it, so he recited, "There is no emotion where there is peace. There is no ignorance where there is knowledge. There is no passion where there is serenity. There is no chaos where there's harmony. There's no death. There is the Force, only the Force, and always the Force."

She tilted her head. "That's … close to the version I was taught."

"There's a simpler one for kids."

"Tell me."

"Um." Poe thought for a moment. "It's just a shortened form of the other. Key points or whatever. 'Peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony. The Force, only the Force, always the Force.' That's it. And sometimes, uh, the mantra, 'I am with the Force, the Force is with me.' Repeated."

"Interesting. Who taught you this?"

"Why? Is it wrong?"

She shook her head. "Who?"

"My father. It's the standard tenets of the Church of the Force."

"I've been trying to put together my thoughts on the Living Force and that's involved a lot of examination and discussion of what we know of the Jedi traditions. There are so many small variations that I wouldn't know which was the original if Rey didn't have those books."

"Oh, yeah." Poe nodded. "The book version was a little different." He thought for a moment. "I thought it was just a translation thing."

"Maybe it is. At the heart. We all perceive the Force through our selves, as I mentioned before. That is the key difference between light and dark."

"So tell me about the dark side. That's what Tark's telling Hux about, right? I feel like I'm missing out on whatever's going on over there. I think I already know the light side well enough."

Rey said, "Yes, we're keeping you two separated and busy during this on purpose. You can compare notes later."

"Let go of your concern for him right now," Caspire said. "It will cloud your vision."

Poe gave her a long look. She didn't know Hux. She also didn't know Poe. But she knew Tark and she looked amused that he thought something bad might happen. He looked over at Rey, whom he knew much better. "This is as irrational as the thing with Kylo, right?"

"The jealousy?" Poe nodded. Rey smiled. "Yes."

"I've heard about Trandoshans," Poe said. "And I've heard about this one. He's the guy who killed some stormtroopers, right?"

Caspire sighed, but she didn't deny it or explain. "Hux is safe with him."

Poe looked at Rey, then back to Caspire. "Okay. I'll let go of it for now. Or try. But I still want to know about the dark side. What do I need to do for him?"

"Learn acceptance. The dark side comes from personal pain, from struggle, hunger, and insufficiency. It comes from refusing to accept the world as it is. When you want for a thing you cannot get, the dark side is there. They call it seductive, because the more you want the thing, the stronger the dark side becomes in you. When it's strong enough, you'll get the thing you want. That's why it's 'seductive'."

She shook her head and raised a hand in emphasis. "But it was never what you needed in the first place. What you needed was peace. You needed serenity. You needed knowledge and harmony. But the dark side doesn't see that. It only sees that it wants something it doesn't have and that if it fights hard enough and wounds itself deeply enough, that thing will eventually come to them."

"What does that mean for Hux as a user of the dark side?"

"He's suffered in the past some injury to his soul or his self. He addresses that by lashing out and gaining power."

"That's not what he does. He's not a bad person," Poe said with a hint of a threat in his voice. "I can promise you that."

Caspire shook her head slowly. "I never said he was. Neither is Tark. Neither is Kylo. Neither was I, before, when I was dark. That's not what it's about. Kylo was right that morality shouldn't be tied to light or dark. Dark side users draw power from their suffering and frustration. That isn't about being a good or bad person. Accept the world as it is, which includes accepting the dark side as it is. That is the way of the light. You are bonded to him. It is especially important that you see that what he does isn't evil. It isn't twisted or a perversion of how things should be. It simply is, how he is. Have I misread him and how he copes with challenges or difficulty?"

Poe grimaced. "Okay, he deals with a lot of things by lashing out and trying to get control of them, but can't you say the same thing about everyone?"

"Do you deal with him that way?"

Poe opened his mouth, tried to find something to say, and then shut it, defeated. Caspire waited. Poe finally said, "If I tried to deal with him the way he deals with me, then it just flat won't work. But that's because I'm coming from a very different place than he is. And it sounds like that's the point you're making. He's on the dark side because of what's happened to him, just like I'm on the light because of what's happened to me. I've been trusting him from the beginning to make the right choice – which doesn't have anything to do with the Force."

"No, it doesn't. That is the way of the light, by the way – to accept. To allow things to unfold as they will. To seek understanding. Fighting against a dark side user just makes them stronger." Caspire chuckled. "And angrier. It's a vicious cycle. Stay out of it. All of us know that – the knights, that is – because we've been there. We've had to live with each other. Most of us are smart enough to stay off one another's backs. Snoke played us off one another for so long that we recognize it. It doesn't mean we're always able to stop it."

Poe nodded. "Don't fight a fire by throwing accelerant on it. Got it. When he gets set off, he calms right down, every time, if I can back off quick enough." Poe snapped his fingers to indicate how fast and sure that was. "Sometimes it's literally just seconds. Could I do the same thing as far as the dark side goes? Get angry, channel that instead?"

She shrugged. "You could," she said blandly. "It won't work well. It might immediately and it usually does short-term, but it will corrupt your ability to channel the other. Both masters, the books, and personal experience tells me your connection to the Force will crumble and end if your heart and mind does not align with the type of power you're using."

Rey said, "It might be different for bondmates. I've used the dark side. It didn't seem to change anything for me. But I have Kylo's heart and mind in mine. We're connected."

"Yeah," Poe said. "I've seen you use it a couple times. Felt it." He grimaced. "I can't recall Kylo doing anything that really jumped out at me as light side. But he's said he's done it. What am I missing?"

"Anyone using the Force in a way that aligns with your natural temperament keys as 'natural' to you. That's why the light and dark are so at odds with one another. Both appear unnatural and deviant to the other."

"Oh." Poe's eyes widened. "It feels that way to Hux when I use the Force?"

"Probably."

"Oh. Oh, that's good to know. I'd noticed it with him, but you're saying I should just accept that and calm down, right?"

"Let him be as he is, yes. Especially if you're bonded to him. I can't imagine that close a relationship would work well if you tried to criticize him. You're not going to change him no matter what you say, but you will start that cycle of powering him up for a fight. If you succeed in luring him away from his natural inclination in the Force, as I said, all evidence points at him thereby losing his connection to the Force."

Rey agreed. "Just stay out of it and let him use the Force as he needs to." She paused thoughtfully. "I … sometimes when Kylo and I are working together, I think of it as working with him, guiding, riding, steering, going along with him. He's a thrus-, uh, he's the main propulsion unit and I'm the attitude jets. Go  _with_  him, not  _against_  him. Let the dark side go  _through_  you, not  _outside_  you. Bring it inside. It doesn't diminish the light. You can't fight the dark without building its power against you. Just go with it, instead. Accept it. It hurts – I feel it hurts – but I'm only feeling what he was already feeling himself. If I feel it, too, it will hurt him less. The pain fades, and we can both manage it better."

Poe scratched at his brow. "Okay. I'll keep that in mind. All we've done so far, though, is read each other's minds. I'm not sure any of the other complicated mental joining you folks do is going to apply."

Caspire shrugged. "Maybe it won't. That's okay, too. Understanding where your limits currently are and accepting them is very light side. Accepting when they change in future is also light side. It's the dark side that gets wrapped up in trying to change things itself. It's better to relax, find your center, and let the rest go."

"Steady on the throttle. Got it."


	63. Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Under the tree, happening at the same time as the preceding two chapters.
> 
> Also, maybe, warning for implied past predatory behavior toward a child? Force-enabled child molestation? Something like that. It's complicated.

 

"Ah bah bah bah!" Nera said excitedly, swinging around in the sprawling branches of the uneti tree. They were nonsense words, like the ones she'd started with more than a decade earlier. But there was no one here who was going to criticize her for them. Steel sat on the picnic bench backwards, facing away from the table. He stared up into the tree and watched her enjoying herself. He had a lump in his throat.

He jumped when he realized Kes Dameron had come up next to him. The guy was  _quiet_. The older man took a seat at the other end of the bench as Steel wiped his eyes and coughed. "Everything okay?" Kes asked.

"Oh, yeah, yeah." Steel nodded. He gestured at Nera. "She really likes it here. I'm glad. I've never seen her this happy."

"You're in your late twenties, right?" Steel nodded again. "So's Kylo and Caspire," Kes went on. Casp had said something about being in her thirties just last week, but Steel didn't correct him. "I'm not familiar with her people." Kes gestured up at Nera. "How old is she?"

"Um …" Steel did the math. They hadn't celebrated birthdays while in the Order. The passage of time had felt surreal without the normal cycle of holidays and celebrations. "Nineteen."

"I got to thinking about that comment Caspire made about you guys being a family. And how defensive Kylo was about it." Steel gave him a guarded look. Kes said, "I see you're the same way."

Steel chuckled dryly and went back to watching Nera. She was saying something about a bug, mixing made-up words with a warped version of Shifalan. The noises were coming so much more fluidly than when she had to form them for someone else's understanding. She'd said the tree understood her mentally, but it didn't explain why she was jabbering now except that she enjoyed it.

Kes said, "My wife and I both worked for Luke and Leia after the civil war. That's where the tree came from – Luke planted it here. So I kept up a bit on them. I heard about the … when his academy burned down. What I hadn't thought about, until today, was how many of his students might have been children. I knew Ben wasn't." He nodded toward Nera. "But she was. Was she the only one?"

Steel eyed him. "Two others. Younger."

"You guys raised three kids all by yourselves. Force-users, while you were in the military, working directly for Snoke, who according to Armitage, was something of a nightmare." He sounded impressed.

Steel laughed because Kes had no idea. Kes watched him intently. Steel finally said, "Yeah." He kept chuckling to himself. "Three teenage girls." Steel shook his head. "And two out of three of them had telepathy and mind control. The third one had something worse – a temper." Steel sprawled backward in a show of helpless agony. "You can't imagine. Trust me, you just can't. Now you know the real reason why we all turned to the dark side. It's a miracle no one killed anyone else."

"That bad, huh?"

That encouraged Steel to loosen his tongue. "Oh yeah. And Snoke played favorites. Jo was his baby. Nera was his lover. Tonza was the ugly stepchild. It messed them up. Every one of them."

"Lover? I mean, she's an adult  _now_ , but …"

Steel arched a brow at him. "Yeah, I shouldn't have said that. You're quicker on the uptake than we were."

"Oh." Kes looked up in the tree with concern. Nera was still babbling to herself.

It hadn't started immediately and early on, it had looked like nothing more than Snoke working with her on language issues, just as Luke had done. Different personalities, of course. Snoke's warmth toward her felt like welcome coddling after Luke's strictness. No one looked too closely at Nera's growing infatuation with their new master or his increasing work with her on certain abilities that replicated sensation or conjured false realities in a person's head.

Steel turned to Kes. "You've got a kid. I've been around Poe for months now. He's a good guy. Well-adjusted. Normal. What do you do about something like that?"

"Your kid being well-adjusted?"

"No," Steel shook his head. "Sometimes it's annoying that you can't read my mind. I mean what do you do about someone like Nera falling in love with someone like Snoke? Because she really did love him. She had feelings. She showed me. We couldn't get away from him. We couldn't leave. Force forbid anyone questioned him. And we never could trust each other when we were around him. Not completely, because you never knew whose side he was going to take or what punishment would come down. The idea of  _killing him_  never actually occurred to us. Or at least, not to me. What were we supposed to do?"

"I don't know," Kes said after a beat. "I've listened to Armitage's stories and tried to think about what I would have done better or different if I was in that situation – the whole situation, because it's everything around it that matters, that impression or reality of having no options," he sighed, "and I don't like the answers I keep coming up with. The only thing I can think to do is make sure those situations never happen again, not for anyone, best I can. I can do my part to put the galaxy back together so people have somewhere to go."

Spontaneously, Steel said, "Your son gave us a good home on the  _Restitution_. He didn't have to. But he did. When Kylo got kicked out of the First Order, I didn't know where we were going to go. They'd already killed one of us and drugged the whole lot of us. Hells, you got the drop on me just a few minutes ago. We're not that tough. But he never took advantage of that."

"Thanks, I guess," Kes said. "I wish I could take all the credit for how he turned out, but I had a lot of help. After I lost my wife, I wasn't always the father he needed. If you've been in the role of a … parent … then you understand how much you need that help."

"We all helped each other."

"Every one of you," Kes said with a tilted head, "followers of the dark side. Helping each other, as a family." He nodded a little. "You're teaching me new things."

Steel arched a brow at him and decided not to spoil the man's good impression of them by going into six years of feuding with one another, not to mention the things they'd gotten up to with the Force that, if Poe's Resistance was any basis, were regarded as downright perverted in the rest of the galaxy. He nodded instead.

Kes gestured upward. "She sounds happy."

Steel looked up and smiled softly. "She  _is_  happy," he said. It was the most important thing of all.


	64. Chicken House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Hux head off alone with the idea of comparing notes about the Force, but they end up discussing some basic moral framework issues instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a three-month break, but now I'm back to finishing this story! In the meantime, I wrote Star Performer which fleshes out Hux's backstory a bit more. He appears in some of the Knights of Ruin chapters as well. I have reread all of Happily Ever After and tweaked a couple lines in earlier chapters to bring them in compliance with Star Performer. Those have been noted in chapter beginning notes.

Poe looked toward the back of the house from where he was standing next to the picnic table, listening to Kes tell Rey about the care routine for the uneti tree. Trees were not difficult to take care of. Poe had only been listening with half an ear. When he saw Hux coming out of the house, he projected a thought to him, just a simple,  _Hey?_  with the intent of gaging his mood.

He sensed Hux feel over his mind. Poe wasn't sure what Hux saw, but what he got as a response was perfect. Hux sent him an impression of his cheek to Poe's, them in an embrace, the corner of his mouth against Poe's skin, and the puff of breath against his ear as Hux whispered to him,  _I love you_.

Poe breathed in deeply, then let it out. The image had been so clear that it was like it had happened, as though Hux were in his arms instead of walking across the yard toward him. Tark had stayed at the edge of the back porch, arms folded and looking casual as he leaned against the wall. Hux looked calm and collected as well.

As he reached him, Poe asked him,  _Can we do that for real?_

_Not in front of everyone._

Poe wasn't sure what the distinction was – they'd held hands and sat together (although the latter had been in the dark and seen by only Kylo and Kes). But maybe that was it – a lingering hug, kiss, and possibly a caress out in the open was too intimate for Hux's tastes. "Hey," Poe said, "how about we go take care of the chickens?"

"Yes." Hux nodded agreeably. Kes and Rey remained sitting. As they headed off, Hux asked, "Where did the others go?"

"Caspire and Steel went off together. That way." Poe gestured off to the right. "I don't know where Nera went. She has an ability where people don't pay attention to her unless they're really focused on finding her. Caspire can do the same thing, but I saw her, so she wasn't using it."

"Hm." Hux scanned around them carefully, a small frown on his features.

Poe assumed this was Hux's hypervigilance at work, so he added, "Nera didn't come in the  _Falcon_  with us and I didn't see her when I came out. I'm not sure where Kylo is, either, as far as that goes."

"Hm," Hux said again as acknowledgment. The chickens came out of the taller, unmowed brush on the other side of the shed, looking at them hopefully. "I've noticed they strongly associate people with being fed."

"Yeah. They're pretty spoiled." Poe opened the door to the storage section of the shed, where they kept feed and supplies they didn't want the chickens pooping on or roosting over (and then pooping on).

"What sort of care do they require at the moment?"

"Uh, none, really," Poe said, but he got out a small scoop of feed anyway. "I just wanted to be with you." He tried to herd an intruding chicken out of the shed, but it dodged past him to peck at some spilled food next to the feed barrel. Poe huffed and turned to deal with it.

Hux took him by the shoulder and pointed him back out the door, where a dozen more chickens were waiting to crowd inside. "Throw the food out. That's what they're here for."

Poe tossed the scoop of grain out on the ground. All the chickens turned to peck at it. The one in the shed raced out to join them.

Hux smiled. "Never forget what motivates behavior." Poe snorted softly and tossed the scoop back in the bin. He replaced the lid on it. The light dimmed abruptly as Hux shut the door behind them. A moment later, Poe felt Hux's hands on his hips and then lips on the back of his neck. Hux told him, "Just as I do not forget what motivates you, dear. I love you."

Again, Poe drew in a deep breath and relaxed. He turned in place and they enacted the embrace Hux had shown him earlier. "You're so sweet," Poe told him. "Even when you're telling me you lead me around by my dick."

"I like your simplicity. I don't think I would do 'complicated' well."

"I have no intention of making it complicated for you to please me. It's just funny." He smiled. His hands were looped behind Hux's back. "So … what happened with you and Tark? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Do you want to compare notes?"

Poe drew in air, thinking about what he'd talked about with Rey and Caspire. "There really isn't much to say. I mean … not much new. Just that I've already basically been doing the right things. You?"

"Same. And a little more certainty that the dark side is something more concrete than 'Force use that a Jedi doesn't like'."

Poe laughed out loud at that. "Did you really think it was that?"

Hux shrugged. "It seemed a dogmatic distinction."

"What's that mean?" He shifted his hands so they were flat on the small of Hux's back.

"Irrelevant. A difference of opinion based on arrogance."

"Ah," Poe said. "So it actually means something – being on the dark side rather than the light?" Hux nodded. "That's good to know. My family and the church have been telling me that all along, but this is one I'd rather learn from a primary source." He stroked Hux's sides.

Hux breathed out in contentment. "I'm not an expert on it."

"Lived experience is a form of expertise," Poe told him, still stroking and going lower with each pass.

"Hm. I would agree with that." Hux leaned into him. He brought his hands to Poe's cheeks, just petting him and looking at him intently. Poe couldn't see the expression well (there wasn't enough light), but he could feel the appreciation, love, maybe admiration coming off him.

"I have got to get you in those jodhpurs again," Poe purred as he had gone low enough to caress the outside of Hux's thighs. "I liked that uniform."

"Mm. I suppose that could be arranged," Hux said in a matching low voice. "I could have one shipped to me. How would you be outfitted, if I were so dressed?"

"However you want." Poe ran his hands around the backs of Hux's thighs. He couldn't move his hands up – that would touch Hux's ass, which was off-limits without discussion. He looked at the feed barrel next to them. "Hang on." Poe telegraphed his intention with a quick mental message, then hoisted Hux up and onto the barrel. It gave the man several inches more height and put Poe between his legs. Hux wrapped his legs around his waist, holding them together.

Poe looked at how he was trapped now, and then up. Hux's smug expression was clear even in the dim light. "Tell me," Poe asked, "what's the most powerless position I could have relative to you in the Order – prisoner, slave?"

"No," Hux said. He ran a possessive hand through Poe's hair, watching the dark locks card through his pale fingers. "A direct subordinate."

Poe's eyes widened as he tried to work that out. "That's not the answer I was expecting. Huh. A direct subordinate is worse off than a prisoner?"

"For an enemy, if we've bothered to take you prisoner, it's because you have some use for us. That might protect you. Or might not. It's conditional. For one of our own, most legal protections against mistreatment continue until stripped by the court. We don't imprison people long term. Or didn't, rather. It was execution, enslavement, or a variety of disciplinary measures. It was just a stern warning more often than you might expect."

"But a direct subordinate is the worst off in most cases," Poe mused. "No matter what rank?"

"The higher the rank, the worse off you are, frankly."

"How does that work?" Poe had paused on the sexual play and caressing, interested in the discussion instead. His hands were resting on Hux's thighs.

"Only my peers can judge me. The higher ranked I am, the fewer they are, the longer I've known them and they me, and the less motivated they are to stand up for inferiors when I might be called on to support them in turn at some later point. Also, there's a default assumption that if you are alive to claim a grievance, then you obviously have nothing to complain about. Since the dead can't file one, high-ranking persons find themselves effectively immune from meaningful prosecution."

"Really? But the First Order had a justice system? A real one?"

"Of course. It's exasperating that this is surprising to you." Hux released the lock of his legs around Poe's waist, letting them hang on either side of him. "How did you think we settled disputes? No – don't answer that." Hux rolled his eyes.

"First Order governmental structure wasn't something we studied in a lot of detail in the Resistance."

"So I see."

"How far does it go? What kind of mistreatment could you get away with if I were your … subordinate?" Poe waggled his brows suggestively, but Hux either missed the cue or ignored it because he treated the question seriously.

"In the military, if a superior officer wished to see their subordinate suffer, they could assign disciplinary activities no better than torture. No matter what, it must be obeyed – immediately, without question, and without evident resentment. Legal recourse for excessive discipline is minimal, even aside from the reasons I've already listed for difficulty in winning a case. The only real protection lies in having allies elsewhere in the structure, but those aren't always available or sympathetic."

"Is it actually better to be a slave?"

"A slave performs objectively verifiable work for the benefit of the Order. Anyone who interferes with that has interfered with the good of the Order. Damage to a slave, including psychological, is property damage. As long as it is not against the slave's direct master, a grievance or claim of offense has a good chance of being heard and upheld. Slavery is not a death sentence. Anyone the Order wanted dead would already be dead, so there is an obvious interest in having them alive and functional."

Poe nodded slightly. "But if the grievance is against their direct master, then it's the same thing as the subordinate officer – basically powerless."

"As far as I know. I rarely dealt with slaves, so I'm less familiar with the law as it relates to them."

"But if someone else mistreats your subordinates, you're motivated to do something about that. I remember you mentioning that before." Hux chuckled dryly and nodded. Poe asked, "Did you ever go to bat for one of your people like that?"

"Go where?"

"Stand up for them?"

"Yes."

Poe raised his brows inquiringly. When Hux didn't respond (it was dark in here, lit only by the sunlight filtering through the slats of the boards), Poe said, "Tell me."

"Probably the most notable was when I stabbed Kylo Ren on the bridge after telling him I would add a reprimand to his file and threatening to eject him from the ship. Not spacing him, of course. Just stranding him. He was too important to space."

"What? You did what?"

"He killed one of my people. I couldn't let that pass."

"You stabbed him? He never mentioned that to me!"

"It hardly matters – it's settled. He slapped me. I stabbed him. But the main issue is that I wouldn't allow him to kill one of my people without permission. Not without immediate and public retaliation. None of my people would follow me if I didn't. People have to have faith that you're strong and will protect them. It's a selfish motivation."

Poe blinked at him. "You say you stabbed him. Were you just … stabbing him or were you trying to kill him?"

"I was trying to kill him. Though if I'd succeeded in eviscerating him and he'd fallen at my feet, I probably wouldn't have finished the job. Snoke di-" Hux sealed his lips and shook his head, suddenly tense. He turned his head to the side and looked away. Gone was his slouch and easy posture.

Poe slowly stroked the outside of Hux's legs. "I remember you telling me that trying to use your knife on Kylo or Snoke would get you gutted with it."

Hux swallowed and nodded. "It did not come to that. But … there was punishment. I would not … I would not threaten Ren in that way again. After Snoke was dead and Ren turned on me …" He shook his head. "I surrendered. I … did as he told me to do."

Poe nodded slightly as a puzzle piece clicked into place. "You said Kylo intimidated you. He didn't so much intimidate you as he set off the same thing Snoke did."

"He used the Force on me." Hux was still looking away. "He'd never done that before. Not like that. I … I acquiesced, like a coward."

Poe cupped the back of Hux's head and turned him slightly to face him. "You are phenomenally brave."

Hux exhaled heavily. "Thank you."

"So that's how it was with Snoke," Poe said softly after a moment. "He was your direct superior. You had no recourse." He let his hands fall to Hux's shoulders.

It wasn't a question and Hux didn't treat it as such. He sighed and touched the line of Poe's jaw. Poe's hands dropped further, back to Hux's thighs. Hux said glumly, "You were trying to have a light-hearted moment exploring sexual role play. I didn't mean to ruin that."

"You didn't." Poe pressed his face to the side and was rewarded by Hux expanding his contact to Poe's cheek. "You explained why there might be a lot of … energy and emotion behind that model. If you wanted to play that way. Maybe something a little more distanced from your actual role would be better. We could be vague about the ranks involved."

"I prefer to imagine you as powerful yet humbled before me. I like the angle of you being a subdued enemy."

"I can do that." He turned to kiss Hux's palm. "I kept my uniform from the Resistance. I didn't think I'd use it that way, though." Poe grinned briefly. "Got a question. You ever do anything with your subordinates?"

Hux tensed, but rather than the anxiety that accompanied the mention of Snoke, this time it held an edge of anger and disgust. "What do you mean?"

Poe raised a brow at him, feeling the chill that came between them at that. Poe spoke carefully. "That's an insult? I mean, is that an insult?"

"Nnn … somewhat. Yes." Hux swallowed and didn't explain. His hand was still next to Poe's cheek, hanging in the air.

Poe kissed it again and gave Hux a beseeching look. "I don't mean it that way. I was genuinely curious."

"I know." Hux cupped his cheek again, rubbing pensively with his thumb.

Poe said, "Um … what's the answer? Can I ask that? Or should this be off-limits? You used to watch torture holos for fun. I don't know where the line is here."

"No, it's not off-limits." Hux rolled his eyes and looked away. "You can ask. I've never …" Hux gave a very small shake of his head and looked back. "You know I've never done anything."

"This is probably not a good time for euphemisms so I'm going to be clear. I know you haven't done anything sexually. I mean, have you ever done power-play dynamics with your subordinates? You know, get off on being in control, even if you're not getting off physically. I mean just jerking them around for the thrill of it, assigning that 'excessive discipline' you mentioned earlier. Did you do anything like that with the people who had to follow your orders?"

Hux stared at him with an intimidating intensity, like he was trying to figure Poe out, or thought Poe was trying to trick him into something. Poe waited patiently. He didn't think Hux was reading his mind, which was odd given how thoroughly Hux radiated suspicion. Finally Hux said, "Our cultural context is very different."

"Okay. That's a non-answer, but … I think you're trying to engage here." Poe could sense Hux's defensiveness. "Can you give me an example of something you're not sure of?"

"I shot an ensign once for disciplinary issues."

Poe blinked a couple times. "Oh. Okay. What sort of disciplinary issues?"

"Assaulting other officers and troopers, subadults and members of Batch 8."

"Batch 8?"

"A … cohort within a class of troopers. Finn was among them."

"Ah. So you … shot someone. Did you come up on them while they were beating on someone? How did it happen?"

"I called her into my office and shot her." Hux shrugged dismissively. "I followed protocol. I informed her chain of command first and had her active commander there as a witness. I terminated her membership in the First Order, upon which she was just … a person, an interloper, there on the base. No rights. So I shot her. It simplifies things. It doesn't count as an execution then – different category."

"Oh. That's not really the sort of powerplay dynamics I was thinking of. Did you, um, enjoy it?"

"No. It gave me paperwork to do and made my office smell."

Poe smiled and bent forward, putting his forehead on Hux's thigh. He shook his head slowly.

"You're laughing at me." Hux sunk his hand into Poe's hair and made a fist.

Poe groaned softly. "Only on the inside," he said, risking Hux's ire. Hux clenched and released his fist a few times, then petted Poe's hair. Poe laid his cheek on Hux's leg and wrapped his arms loosely around the man's hips. Hux touched his temple and tucked the hair behind Poe's ear. For a few moments, they were quietly tender with each other.

Poe straightened before the position became a strain. "Okay. That's very much not what I was asking about. Have you ever hit your subordinates in the past?"

"Am I on trial here?" Hux's tone was forthright – less wary than earlier and more trusting now.

"No. I just want to know, so I can figure out … cultural context."

Hux frowned at him. "Yes, I have."

"Often?"

"No. It's not a normal part of conduct – a few times over the course of years. I am assuming you don't mean in the context of training exercises or fitness?"

"You do that with your subordinates – train with them, alongside them?"

"Sometimes."

"Okay, no. Not if it's part of the exercise. Like …" Poe grimaced as he tried to think of why that would happen. "Why would you be hitting someone in a training exercise?"

"Boxing."

"Oh, yeah. I was … thinking of a battlefield simulation or something."

"No."

"Got it. Shooting an ensign wasn't a political assassination. You didn't mention killing anyone back when my dad was asking."

"He asked about my actions as grand marshal. It didn't happen then. It was before. The political assassinations were outside the realm of my duty to the Order. I didn't mention blowing up Hosnian Prime, either. I thought these things were obvious."

"Well, um ..."

"Killing a few people in the line of duty is strange?" Hux laughed a little.

"Uh, yeah, Hugs, it is."

Hux said archly, "Perhaps we should go into all the people you killed as a fighter pilot, then."

"There's a difference between killing your own people and …. But you said you kicked her out of the Order first." Poe was silent as he processed that.

"You have so many bizarre misconceptions about us."

"I'm trying to understand, Hugs. Your file said you were a sadist. You've said you get off on control and domination. But you've never done anything like that to people who worked for you, when there was nothing they could do about it?"

Hux gave him a calculating, incisive look. "Why would I? Those are my people, Poe.  _Mine_. My responsibility to lead, to defend, to protect, and to advance. I will give my life for them. To the best of my ability, given the talents I possess, I  _have_. I may be harsh. I have at times been verbally abusive to my underlings. But just as I will not strike you in anger, I never struck them for my own satisfaction. You know the difference between allies and enemies. So do I."

"Oh." Poe raised his head as it finally sunk in. " _Oh._  That's exactly where the line is."

"It's a wonder that you even approached me on Naboo if you think that way about me."

"I'm sor- … I don't anymore. That's why I felt like I needed to go talk to you guys back then. One of you at least. Things weren't adding up."

Hux leaned down, tipping Poe's chin up for a gentle, careful kiss. "Maybe I can help you with math as I did with reading." As he straightened, he carded a hand through Poe's hair again. "You're one of my people, too, now."

"I am a particularly dense and stupid 'one of your people'."

Hux kissed his forehead. "If you weren't, you would have never married me."

Poe laughed.


	65. Leaf Spinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe uses the Force. Hux tries very hard not to freak out too badly.

Hux steered them over to the picnic table on their walk back from the chicken house. Steel was sitting at it alone, one hand palm up. About an arm's length above him, a leaf was dancing in the air. Hux took a seat and looked at it. As feats of the Force went, it was insignificant, but it was still interesting to watch. Steel glanced at him, then back to the leaf. He made it sway one way and then the other, go in a circle, and flip carefully and slowly from one side to the other. There was no way it was air currents.

Poe sat down next to him and watched.

"May I put my hand out?" Hux asked. Despite all his exposure to the Force, he'd never been allowed to simply touch it or try to. The closest he'd come to that was the telepathy with Poe.

"Sure," Steel told him, making the leaf spin like a top.

Hux extended his hand so it was between Steel's and the leaf. He felt nothing. He moved it in a slow, wide arc – nothing. He raised his hand to the leaf, which danced just out of reach – still nothing. "The Force has no sensation, then?"

Steel shook his head. "Not unless that's what you're using it for. Or unless you're sensing Force use. Some people can."

"When they can, what does it feel like?"

"Um … like the Force. I can't sense it. But I've seen it in other's minds plenty. It's just a …" He pointed at his head.

"A mental thing? An impression?" Hux asked. Steel nodded. Hux looked at the leaf, which had dropped to mid-way between them. He focused on it. He tried to pull it to himself, to control it. Although it continued to move, he was fairly sure that was Steel acting on it. The leaf drifted down to rest on the table between them despite Hux's best attempt to tug it closer through sheer will. He kept staring at it as it rested on the table. It kept not moving, except for the occasional flutter of the breeze.

"Is there a trick to this?" Hux asked.

Steel bent forward. "There are a couple ways to do it. One way is to imagine the leaf in full, feel your way all around it until your entire focus is within it, then lift it. Move it. You are the leaf. Another way is to reach out with your feelings, your desire, your energy, and run it through or wrap it around the leaf. Move the energy – the leaf moves."

"Which way do you use?"

"The first. Caspire does similar, but she imagines she has mental hands that do it. I wouldn't suggest that."

"Why not?"

"She can't lift with her mind anything heavier than she can lift with her arms."

"Seriously? It works that way?"

Steel gave him a wry grin. "I have been told over and over by the most learned masters available that this is all a matter of perspective and your own mental limitations. Personally, I think they're full of it. But – they can use the Force a lot more than I can. Is that because I have a pea-shooter and they have a kriffing cannon? I don't know."

"One of the things I've been told," Poe said to Hux, "from being with the knights, is that not all of them have the same ability to use the Force. Everyone has specialties – things they're good at that maybe others aren't – and everyone has a … a level of power, I guess. I think that's what Steel means by pea-shooter and cannon."

Hux was still regarding the leaf, trying to imagine what it might feel like – the texture, the flexibility of it, temperature. "That sounds like an echo of what Kes said Luke had told him about Leia – that some people simply never master some elements of it."

Poe nodded.

Steel said, "Even if you do figure it out, like telekinesis here, you might not be able to do a lot with it. I top out at about a big bowl of soup. That's all I can move and it won't be steady. I'll spill it, but I will move it. Now, funny thing, I can move your foot as soon as your weight is in motion and that's a lot heavier than a bowl of soup."

"You would recommend I either trick my mind into thinking I'm the leaf, or imagine an unlimited power that moves the leaf."

"Uh-huh."

Hux stared at it. Seconds crawled by. The leaf jerked to the side. Poe cheered. Hux jumped and squawked, "I didn't do that! He did!"

Steel's brows rose. "You sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive," he snapped, feeling like he was being mocked. Poe shut up.

"That's good," Steel said. "You're sure. Did you feel me do it?"

Hux's glare died down as he realized he wasn't being made fun of. "No. Yes. Sort of. There was a … It was like your finger moved, but it didn't."

"It did in my mind," Steel said. "I can move things without much of a gesture, but I still have to think about it."

"I read your mind?" Hux asked dubiously.

"Is that so strange? I thought you two read each other's mind all the time."

"I haven't read anyone's mind other than his," he gestured at Poe. "Through this bond thing. I haven't read Kes' mind, for example."

"Have you tried?"

"No," Hux said. "That would be rude."

Steel rubbed his chin like this was an amusing hang-up to have. "Okay, well, at some point you need to get some folks to practice on. I'd suggest, early on, you work toward whatever you feel capable of doing – whatever you have a whisper of ability in, strengthen that. Come back to things you're not good at later, once you have a feel for the Force. And that way, it won't sabotage your self-confidence."

Kylo and Rey came around the corner of the house from the direction of the  _Falcon_. Steel and Hux watched their approach quietly. Poe was looking at the leaf. "Can I try?" Poe asked distractedly.

Hux looked between the leaf and Poe. "I suppose." Poe had said he'd tried telekinesis in the past and it hadn't worked. Hux had already given it his best shot with no result. He didn't think there was anything to be concerned about. It was obviously harder than it looked.

He was wrong.

The leaf trembled and moved almost immediately. Hux pulled in air as it left the ground. It felt like the pit of his stomach went the opposite direction, sinking into the planet under them. He stared and didn't breathe.

It seemed so stupid to be upset about this. So petty. Mean. Small. He wanted Poe to have this power, capability, spiritualism, importance, whatever it was to him. It was such a logical extension of what Poe had already spoken of as being his moment of Zen – flying, floating, zipping through space. Of course he could move a leaf! It soared upward now, an expression of focused concentration on Poe's face, along with wonder and joy that made Hux's blood run cold as ice.

What if Poe could only use the Force near him? What if the only point of Poe having the Force was to use it on him? What if his very presence was the enabling factor that made it possible for Poe to be a monster? And all Hux could do was read his mind and know his intentions while he did it? While he hurt him?

If Poe could do this, then he could do more. He'd already been practicing on himself with the sensation power. Now he'd be able to pin Hux, choke him, fling him around. Even if he didn't (because he wouldn't?), he'd be  _able to_  and that was terrifying. How would Hux live with someone who could do this? How could he love them? Trust them? Ever turn his back on them? What would happen if he disappointed Poe? Told him no? Got in an argument with him? He couldn't breathe. It was like his throat was stuck.

Poe's head whipped around to him. The leaf settled downward due solely to gravity. All of them were looking at Hux now. With an effort, he took a breath. He was embarrassed and angry to have their eyes on him. He knew he had to be broadcasting these childish emotions or else they wouldn't be looking at him like that.

"Hey?" Poe said gently, putting his hand on the picnic table mid-way between them.

Hux's nose wrinkled and his face twitched in distaste. Like this – what was he supposed to do here? Poe was obviously asking for reassurance. Fuck him! Hux wasn't here to reassure him. If Poe didn't like Hux's fear, then he could leave, get away, not bother him anymore! (That would be safest for both of them!) He hadn't asked to be afraid. He hadn't expected it. It had just happened, the moment he realized Poe could do this. The moment he knew he had something to fear. Even if it was a stupid fear and he knew that.

He knew that.

He wanted to yell at them – all of them, but that wouldn't do any good and there was nothing to say. They were right, reasonable, unemotional and here he was going to pieces inside over nothing but a kriffing leaf! The charade of being a good husband, level-headed, rational, and able to endure anything life threw at him was cracking fast and only getting worse the more they looked at him – with pity or mockery, he was sure. Poe was not the stupid or dense one between the two of them if Hux couldn't mentally separate what others had done to him from his husband's innocence. It wasn't Poe's fault.

He touched Poe's forearm, avoiding skin-to-skin contact with the hope it would minimize any transmission of thoughts because he knew his were a riot of irrationality. "That's- That's very good. You should practice. I need to go inside." What he needed was to get away. To think. To calm down. He complimented himself for keeping his voice from shaking as he rose and excused himself. He was doing fine. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

"Hugs?"

He kept walking. Rage boiled inside at Poe wanting him to come back and hold his hand and manage his emotions on Poe's behalf, even as he knew that wasn't what Poe wanted. Not really. His thoughts were swirling, a battle between thirty years of conditioning and brainwashing, six years of being terrorized and violated, and a few months of self-administered therapy and hope.

"Hugs!"

He stopped. He had to. Poe was clearly going to make a scene if he didn't. Poe was on his feet next to the table, pale and stricken. Hux told him firmly, "Please do not follow me. I am not going far. I am not leaving. I need … to be alone." He walked away, feeling the wrench in Poe's emotions like a knife in his back, twisting with every step so much that his knees buckled a little. One foot in front of the other. He shut the contact as firmly as possible, for both their sakes.


	66. Self Medication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux tries an old coping mechanism. Kes stops him from getting quite as carried away with it as Hux was intending.

Hux stopped in the kitchen to debate what to do about his shoes. He still had them on. He didn't want to take them off, because that introduced a barrier to rapidly leaving the house if needed. But if he left them on, then he was in contravention of the rule of the household. How much trouble would he get in for breaking the rule? Was that preferable to leaving his mobility unfettered?

It was a simple thing. His brain ran circles with it. He stood there dumbly and allowed it. It was easier than thinking about anything else. It was actually pleasant, kind of relaxing, to just stand there and let himself be confused about something so trivial.

A voice cut through his contemplation. "Hey, did you ask-" Kes came into the kitchen, stopping when he saw him. "Oh. I thought you were Poe." Kes tilted his head slightly, peering at Hux.

Hux raised his head and stared blankly at him. Kes would not want to deal with his breakdown anymore than anyone else would. Social norms demanded he say or do something. "Do you have liquor? Poe said you did." It was perhaps not the most polite thing to say, but it might point toward a solution to his current state.

Kes blinked a couple times. "Sure." He turned and went to the front room, returning a few moments later with a half-full bottle of brown liquid. He got out a glass and poured. "How much?"

"Full."

Kes handed him the filled glass. His head was still slightly tilted. Hux sniffed the drink, made a judgment call on its strength and his ability to stomach it, and drained it in one go. He swallowed and winced, but decided his judgment had been sound. He extended the glass. "May I have more?"

Kes' brows rose slightly. He took the glass and set it on the counter. Then he went over and got a second one. He poured slowly. He didn't ask how much. He just duplicated the previous amount in both glasses.

Passing out sounded like a really good idea – such a stupor would be a stepped up version of letting his mind run circles about the shoe dilemma. Both glasses would be more than enough to render him insensible, although he didn't know why Kes would serve him two glasses at once instead of one refilled. But then Kes didn't hand both glasses over. Instead, he carried them to the breakfast table, saying, "Come on over here. Have a seat."

"I just want to drink." Hux reached over the bar and grabbed the bottle, but he wasn't uncouth enough to drink directly from it.

"Yeah, you will," Kes said quietly. "Come over here. Your drink's here." He eyed the bottle that Hux brought with him and put on the table, but didn't say anything about it. He released one of the glasses to Hux when Hux sat. Kes kept the other one in front of himself. He sipped out of it, so apparently they were drinking together.

Hux held the glass with both hands where it couldn't be taken away. He thought about downing it as well, but had a feeling Kes would interfere. Or take the bottle away. Besides, it was rude – if they were drinking together, that is. He kept waiting for Kes to demand an explanation. Kes rolled his shoulders a little, sipped his drink again, and said nothing.

That meant Hux needed to say something. "I …" His voice failed him immediately. He drained his glass by half.

"Aye," Kes said, and matched him, drinking the same amount. Kes grimaced.

Hux laughed hollowly and words finally came to him. "Your son can use the Force. He can float a leaf. It's terrifying." Hux laughed bitterly at how stupid that was. The end of it choked off in half a sob – a choked noise that escaped him by surprise. He looked away, then back to finish the rest of the glass because the faster he was out, the better. He grabbed the bottle and refilled, which was also rude, but by this point he was more concerned about heading off whatever fit was on its way than being polite.

"I don't know if I can keep up with that," Kes said, gesturing at Hux's drinking habits. "Once upon a time, I could drink people under the table, but-" He shook his head. He borrowed the bottle to top up his glass, but that was all and he made no attempt to keep up. Hux expected him to put the bottle out of reach, but instead Kes set it between them. There wasn't much left in it anyway.

"You don't have to," Hux told him. "I'm just upset. I don't know what to do about it. None of it matters. Stupid emotions. They'll go away eventually. No basis in reality." He took a solid drink.

Kes took another sip. "This Force thing, huh?"

"Yes." His voice sounded almost like a whine. Shameful. Hux frowned at the table, brows furrowed. The liquor sat in his gut like a live ember, burning at him from the inside. Now that his thoughts had returned to the cause of his distress, his stomach was clenching annoyingly and his heart was beating too fast.

"Poe ever done anything to you with it?"

"No," Hux said sullenly. "Not on purpose." He started to take another drink.

"On accident, though?"

He put the glass down to answer the question. "No, not really. Just … the first time. I didn't want any of this. I've never wanted any of this. He needs it, I guess?" Hux waved in the direction of the backyard. "He can have it. Fine. Do whatever. I'll just … But I can't." He lifted his glass toward his lips.

Kes interrupted his motion again. "Can't what?"

He held the glass in the air. "Leave."

"This is because of something you're afraid he's  _going_  to do?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any reason to think he will?"

Hux shook his head and put the glass back down, having not gotten around to drinking from it. "No, and I know he won't. But he  _can_." The rest of the words tumbled out of him, babbling faster than he could get a breath, "It's stupid. I know it's stupid. I've talked to him about how stupid it is. I know it's not right. I know it's not-"

"Soldier!" Kes interjected. "Listen to me. Take a deep breath." Kes leaned over and put a hand on Hux's shoulder. Hux twitched, snarled, cringed from it, but ultimately managed to keep himself in his seat without shrugging it off.

"Look at me," Kes said, with the tone of a drill sergeant. Hux did, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Deep breath in. Now." Kes breathed in. Hux shut his eyes briefly at being so blatantly patronized. He breathed in. A few seconds later, Kes said, "And now out." Kes breathed out in an exaggerated fashion. Hux complied, opening his eyes.

"Again," Kes said in the same commanding tone. Some of the tension bled out of Hux's shoulders. His head was swimming. It was just easier to obey. Do as he was told. It was the story of his life, he thought, but he breathed in and then out as Kes directed for what seemed like a very long time. "You got this?" Kes asked finally.

"Yes sir," Hux answered immediately. His voice was even now. His stomach felt normal, aside from the burning sensation from the liquor. He couldn't think, though. It was too much to think about. He hoped that was the alcohol starting to hit him and not just continuing dissociation.

Kes' hand stayed on him. "What's your mission?"

That was simple enough, though. "To stay married." Hux was staring at the table, his eyes unfocused. He would very much like to pass out right now, but he doubted he'd drank enough for that.

"What's keeping you from it?"

"Fear."

"Fear's normal. Every soldier feels it. How do we get the mission done anyway?"

"Practice and training. Sir."

Kes smiled softly. "Hey, they teach you guys the same thing they taught us." His voice roughened again as he went back to the act, "Today was training scenario number one. You have engaged the enemy and you have survived." Kes paused for a moment. "Is Poe okay? Did you- Did anything happen to him?"

"He's fine. I just walked away and told him to leave me alone." His eyes flicked up to Kes, trying to read if that was the right thing to do. It had hurt. It still hurt. He knew Poe was out there worrying about him.

Kes nodded. "That's great. That sounds good. You did good." He rubbed Hux's shoulder lightly. "Are you with me on this?"

"Yes sir." Hux studied the man's expression, letting his gaze settle and stay there since he had been told he did right. He kept expecting criticism or punishment of some kind. The only time people were supportive of him was when they were subordinate or wanted something from him. Maybe Kes wanted Poe to have a functional husband and not some over-emotional wreck. Yes – that seemed likely.

Kes told him, "You've had enough liquor. You need to eat something. Then you need to … lie down for a while. Sleep it off."

"It's the middle of the day."

"What's your mission?"

"To stay married."

"Then you gotta sober up." Kes dropped his hand from Hux's shoulder to his glass, pulling it away carefully. Hux watched it go somewhat regretfully, but he suspected Kes was right. He felt a little nauseated. Kes took the glasses to the kitchen and came back with some wafer crackers and a larger glass of water. "Get these down. Try not to throw up on anything. But if you do, that would probably be for the best. I'll get you a pan."

Hux sipped the water, feeling morose. "I've … made a fool of myself. I panicked."

Kes slid the pan onto the table next to him and collected the mostly empty liquor bottle. "You're just a little shaken up. No big deal. You'll be all right." Kes started to pat his shoulder, then seemed to think better of it. "Do you need to be alone, or do you want me to keep you company?"

"I want Poe." Hux nibbled at a cracker, feeling like a fool no matter what Kes said. "I shouldn't have walked away like that. I scared him. I made things worse."

"Sit tight. I'll go get him."


	67. Designated Driver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is drunk, emotionally volatile, and chatty. Poe keeps him calm, out of trouble, and takes loving care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter overlaps with the preceding one.

"Sit down, Poe," Kylo told him. "Let him go."

Poe chafed and paced until the back door of the house had shut behind Hux. Then he turned to the three with him. "What do I do? What do I do here? I'd be happier just shutting this off and never doing it again. It messes him up!" Poe pointed after Hux. "He's afraid! He's afraid of  _me_! I can feel it. I have done all of this trying to get him to trust me and now-" He ran his hands through his hair in agitation.

"He seems calm enough," Steel said with a shrug. "Give him a little space. You, on the other hand …?"

Rey took a seat at the table on Steel's side, at the other end. She looked to Kylo. "Hux never had this reaction to you, did he?" Kylo shook his head.

"Yes, he did!" Poe said angrily. "That's why you were supreme leader! That's why he backed down to you. He couldn't face this. He couldn't fight it. He gave up. That's not the relationship I want here!"

"It's not the relationship he and I have now," Kylo said reasonably.

Poe teetered on the brink of lashing out before he realized Kylo was right. "Okay. Point," he said tensely. "You're saying he'll get over it."

Steel added, "That's the same thing I said. Why do you always listen to him but not me?"

Poe gave him a bland smile for the teasing and tried to relax. It was tough.

Rey said, "His moods – Hux's – are probably bleeding through the bond."

"I don't feel anything," Poe said. He sighed. "I feel … How would I know? He's cut me off."

"There's a two-way channel between you," she said. "Just because he's not actively sharing anything on it doesn't mean the channel isn't there. Can't you feel him?"

"I don't know. Can you just … look?" Poe pointed at his head.

"Sit," she directed, pointing. Poe sat down opposite her. Rey offered her hands. Poe put his in hers. Unsolicited, Kylo stepped over and rested one of his hands over their nearer set. The three of them were silent. Poe couldn't feel anything in particular going on in his head. The spiking worries about Hux had been going on since the moment he realized Hux was losing it. When Rey pulled her hands from Poe's, she was still quiet. Kylo straightened. He looked toward the house with a pinched expression.

"What?" Poe asked.

"The bond is incomplete," Kylo said.

Poe licked his lips. His mouth was suddenly dry. "What does that mean?"

The back door of the house opened and Kes came out. Kes waved at him in a 'come here' gesture. Poe looked at Kylo and Rey, but neither of them were being quick about spitting out an answer. So he went to his father. Kes put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Hey. He wants you, but first I want you to listen to me, okay?"

"Yeah?"

"He's drank enough to make a bantha tipsy. Keep that in mind."

"He's only been in there a few minutes."

Kes smiled tightly. "He pretty much poured the bottle down his throat. He's a little gun shy about the Force. Whatever he says, don't take it too personal or serious. He's impaired. Got it?"

"Yeah, fine. I've seen him drunk before." Once. "What do I do?"

"Hug him. Kiss him. Do whatever you guys do to comfort each other. Don't use the Force. Probably best not to mention it, either. Get him to drink as much water as you can and tuck him into bed if he'll go. He's going to get more and more loosened up as that alcohol hits his bloodstream so keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't throw up on anything other than the barf bucket I gave him. You're on clean-up duty if he does." Kes moved out of the way, then grabbed Poe's arm. "Also, if he can't stand the sight of you, come get me."

"It's that bad?"

"No, I don't think so. I also don't know if he's a cranky drunk or a happy one. So. Go see him. He asked for you, so that says a lot."

He went inside. Hux saw him immediately and stood, then wobbled, reconsidered, and sat down heavily. "Poe!"

Poe moved to him. Hux immediately babbled, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I was upset. Are you okay? I felt it hurt you. I'm sorry. I apologize. I didn't mean to-" Hux got hold of his waistband and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Poe's waist and pressing his face to his abdomen. There was warmth, love, worry, and fear there.

"Uh-huh. I know." Poe petted the top of Hux's head, relieved that things were better, even if it was worrying that Hux had fallen into a bottle. Hux's emotions seemed to be sloshing around like an unruly sea. Poe eyed the glass of liquid on the table, but it looked like water. A half-eaten cracker wafer was next to it.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have. I love you."

"It's okay, Babe. It's okay. Really."

"I am a baby. It's horrible. I should know better. It's like any other weapon. I'm not concerned about you having a blaster or … or whatever. Or an … I don't know. An x-wing? A 'light starfighter'?" Hux said the last with an odd lilt. "Whatever you do the most killing with. I'm not concerned about that. You won't hurt me. I know that but I can't see the other and not think- and then I, I just …"

Poe sighed. "I'm so glad you know I won't hurt you like that."

"I know you won't. I love you. You won't. But you can. You  _can_. I thought that could never happen to me again. Not when I couldn't do something about it. But I can't …" Hux turned his face the other direction against Poe's midsection. He was still hugging Poe around the waist and talking non-stop with his head pressed to Poe's belly. "And then that happened with the leaf, and I couldn't … I just couldn't. I couldn't breathe. All the thoughts. I should be rational about this. I shouldn't mistreat you like this."

"You're not-"

"Yes, I am! It's terrible. I shouldn't scare you!" His voice rose and Hux straightened somewhat.

Poe chuckled. "Uh, I could say the same."

"You're not responsible for my fear!" He was loud enough that Poe wondered if his dad had stayed on the back porch. Knowing his dad and the protectiveness he'd shown so far, Poe suspected he had.

"Neither are you, really."

"Yes, I am!" Hux said crossly. He was holding Poe at arm's length now, one hand on each of Poe's hips.

Poe reached out to pet his hair more. "I didn't come in here to argue with you. You win that one. 'Kay?"

"Thank you." Hux sniffed. He breathed out heavily and pulled Poe back to him. He was rather grabby, Poe noticed. "Good. Right."

Poe asked, "Do you remember a few days ago when I told you something about fight or flight, adrenaline, and not forming memories right under stress?"

"Mm."

Poe wasn't sure if that was a yes or a no, so he went on, "Panicking at the sight of something that has traumatized you in the past, or reminds you of being hurt in the past, is pretty common. I should have been thinking about that. I wasn't. That's on me."

Hux pushed back and looked up at him, eyes wide. Poe had the impression Hux was trying to close off his emotions. He wasn't doing a good job of it, feeling resentful and argumentative yet saying nothing. Hux turned away from him and picked up the cracker. He munched on it and pretended to ignore him. Poe chuckled. His dad was right – mentioning the Force was a bad idea. But they could hardly avoid it. He drew over a chair, sinking into it. "I love you," Poe told him.

Hux took a sip of water. He finished the cracker. His mood shifted to something more determined. "I need to deal with this thing with Snoke."

"Yeah, maybe." Poe touched along Hux's upper arm, toying with the fabric of his shirt. He appreciated how Hux allowed it even with his feelings in turmoil.

"No, I really do. That's the root of it all."

"Okay." Poe reached up and fluffed Hux's hair.

"You should take my memories."

That was ridiculous on several fronts. Poe verbalized the least insulting one: "You're not sober."

"That's … yes, that's it exactly. That's why. Do it now."

"Huh-uh."

Hux opened his mouth to argue. Poe leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, then backed off as he remembered he hadn't asked permission for that, nor signaled he was about to do it. The moral error of taking advantage of Hux's state slammed through his mind. While he was distracted, Hux planted a hand on his face and shoved him away roughly. "Stop that! It's rude. I was talking."

"Oh." Poe blinked as he processed that Hux only seemed to care about the inconvenience. "Okay." He enjoyed the manhandling, fleeting though it was. It was interesting that such  _was_  within Hux's range – but only when his inhibitions were shot.

Hux hesitated. "What was I talking about?"

Poe shrugged. He wondered just how upset Hux would be about this when he sobered up. He figured the kiss would get by as an honest mistake, which it was. He could let Hux read his mind if he had any doubts about it. "You need to drink some more water. My dad said so."

Hux grumbled inarticulately and drank. He sat there quietly for a moment, then turned and said very seriously, "Poe. I'm very sorry. I'd say you deserve a better partner but I don't think you could find one."

Poe swallowed his laugh and scrubbed at his face. He couldn't tell if Hux had that high an opinion of himself, or that low of Poe's ability to get dates. "No, I probably couldn't, Hugs. You got me there."

Hux hugged him. "I'll try to be good for you. Really, I should be. Better. I should have a plan. For being better. I'm not sure what I should do …"

"Keep drinking your water – that's what you should do."

"Mm." Hux complied. "I should be a fairly good catch. On paper. It's just my personality. I'm abrasive. And no good in bed."

"No, you are-"

"But then you argue with me all the time!"

Poe shut his mouth.

"I want you to argue with me!" Hux said. "Don't you see that?"

"What?"

"I want you to talk with me. Challenge me. Do you know how many people won't talk to me? No one!"

"I'm not sure that makes sense. Friendly banter, right?"

"Yes! Of course."

Poe tilted his head. "Well, okay. There are times when you  _don't_  want me to argue with you."

"Yes, that too. You'll just have to figure it out. I'm difficult. High maintenance. Eddiva said it was something I needed to keep very carefully in mind and be easy to be with. Or else no one would bother. I can't drive you off. You're likely to be the only one stupid enough to give me the time of day."

"Finish your water, Babe. I love you, insults and all. This is you without a filter. Neat."

"Well, everyone's stupid," Hux babbled on. "I'm the stupidest of them all, obviously." He finished off the glass. "I don't really like this. It's flavorless. I prefer tea. Did you know that? I didn't taste the stuff until five years ago. Poor Cheskar." His brows drew together and Hux bared his teeth. His emotions flared in a messy surge of grief, anger, and confusion.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." Poe tried to interrupt whatever inexplicable emotional outburst that was heading toward the surface. "Do you feel like taking a nap now?"

"I want to hide in my room like the coward I am. Or a sniveling child. Of course I do."

Poe hesitated. "I'm not sure what that means either, so, let's get you in the bedroom."

"I could be sober in a moment," Hux said as Poe helped him upright and led him toward the bedroom. "I could be. You know that, right?"

"Uh-huh. Sure." The guy was leaning on him heavily.

"I don't think you believe me."

"I'm amazed your words aren't slurred, if you're this out of it otherwise. I've seen you pretend to be sober. You were pretty good at it."

"Acting job's … very important. Must fit the role. The one everyone wants of me. Stay safe that way. They wanted a leader, I was a leader." Hux made a dramatic gesture to emphasize his words, raising a finger toward the ceiling. "Now … I don't know." He flopped down on the bed. "I'm trying to be a husband. Do you want to fuck me?" The offer came in the same tone of voice as the rest of the delivery.

"No."

"Why not? Is it because I'm drunk? I can be sober. If that's what you want."

Poe gave him a white lie rather than saying anything that would imply he wasn't sexy. "I'm concerned too much jostling would make you throw up. Let me go get that pan just in case." Poe fetched it and set it next to the bed.

Hux took hold of Poe's hands and looked up at him with wide, sincere eyes. "I will be whatever you want me to be. You know that, right?"

"I-"

Hux interrupted him to continue, "This is very important. I'll do anything for you. I did it for Snoke, my father, Rae. Anyone. A kind word and a promise of reward and I was at their feet. You give me so much more. I'm at yours. Please, Poe. Please." He looked like he might cry. His thumbs rubbed the back of Poe's hands anxiously. "You don't know how weak I really am. I'll just give you what you want."

Poe wiped his own eyes, then bent and kissed him on the forehead. "You already do. That's how it works between us. I'll do anything you need, anything you want."

Hux looked puzzled by that. "That's not what I meant. I meant me. I'd …"

"I know. Just lie down, Hugs, Armitage, Darling." He pushed him gently to the mattress and stroked Hux's arm as he recited the terms of endearment. "My golden ray of sunshine." He touched Hux's hair briefly. Hux stared blankly at the bedspread, trying and failing to pull together a coherent thought. Poe went to the door and dimmed the lights.

"Am I supposed to sleep?" Hux asked abruptly. He still formed his words adequately, even now.

"Yeah." Poe collected the two blasters off the top of the dresser and worried briefly about the two others in the chest. But Hux had a knife and getting that away from him might well start a fight. He was still wearing his shoes, too, but Poe left it alone. Hux was watching him with a bleary expression. Poe told him, "Get some sleep. Everything's going to be okay. I'll be right out in the kitchen if you need me."

Hux nodded. Poe shut the door most of the way.


	68. Hux is a Chatty Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux reveals the heart of the good man Poe fell in love with, always wanting to make the galaxy a better place for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux is somewhere around 0.15 blood alcohol content, though he has a lot of tolerance. Typical drinkers at this level display emotional instability, loss of critical judgment, impairment of perception, memory, and comprehension. Lack of sensor-motor coordination and impaired balance are typical. Decreased sensory responses and increased reaction times develop. The vision is significantly impaired, including limited ability to see detail, peripheral vision, and slower glare recovery. Vomiting usually occurs, unless this level is reached slowly or a person has developed a tolerance to alcohol. Drinkers are drowsy.

Kes let himself in the back door shortly after Poe settled in at the breakfast table. He glanced at the two blasters on the table. "Everything okay?"

Poe nodded. In a low voice, he said, "He's lying down. Door's partly open. He's probably still awake." Meaning, Hux could hear them. Kes nodded at the warning and took a seat. Poe asked, "How did he get that drunk that fast?"

Kes shrugged. "Like I said, he poured it down his throat on an empty stomach. I didn't think much of it right away. I could tell he was spooked when I saw him, but I figured if he wanted a stiff drink to settle his nerves, then no big deal. Then he downed the whole glass and wanted another. I tried to slow him down, but he had a second one in him about as fast as he got it. At that point I was lagging the vector. What happened out there?" Kes jogged his head at the backyard.

Poe sighed. "Not much. We came over to the table. Steel was playing with a leaf, using the Force. Hux tried to move it some. It didn't work. I tried to move it some. It did work." Kes' brows rose. Poe made a helpless motion with his hands. "Then I felt Hugs' emotions slide right into the red zone. He got up and came in here. Told me not to follow him, so I didn't."

Kes leaned forward and got out a salt shaker from the holder for the table spices. He set it in front of Poe. "Can you move this?"

Poe glanced over Kes' shoulder at the hallway down which their bedroom was. There was no sign of Hux. He looked at the container and focused. He didn't try to lift it, but only move it sideways. He centered himself, reached out internally, and after a pause, it moved as desired. He breathed out slowly. Kes matched him, eyes big.

"You can do it," Kes said wonderingly. "You can really do it." Poe nodded. He was still a little amazed to see it happen himself. Kes went on, "I believed you could and Armitage said you did, but this is something I can see."

Poe tilted his head. "Maybe that's what set Hux off. The telepathy is one thing, but this is out in the open." He put the salt shaker up.

Kes turned and looked back at the empty hallway, then to Poe. He lowered his voice a little more. "I may not have said this as clearly as I should have, but I think a lot of what he's trying to do and what you're trying to do."

"What's that?"

"Stay together. Make this work. Be a team member. A proper wingman. Backing each other up even if it's scaring the crap out of both of you along the way. What do you need me to do for you here?"

Poe exhaled heavily and thought. "This. I need to hear this from you sometimes – that I'm doing the right thing, and  _when_  I'm doing the right thing. It … It helps to know I'm on target. Watching him walk away when he's upset is hard, even though I know it's what I have to do."

Kes nodded and stood up. He patted Poe on the shoulder. "You're doing right. You are. Hey, did you ever ask them about laundry?" He was referencing an earlier conversation Kes had had with him about the probable lack of laundering facilities on Dagobah or the  _Falcon_.

"Oh, no. I forgot."

"No problem. I'll go ask if they want to use mine."

A little time passed. Poe sent Finn and Rose a brief text message about seeing Kylo, Rey, and the gang again. Then he read the planetary news headlines on his datapad

"Poe?" It was Hux's voice. Poe went to the bedroom door and opened it. Hux was still on the bed. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah."

"Could you lie down with me?"

"Sure." He moved to the bed and tossed down the datapad. He slipped off Hux's shoes and set them next to the door. Poe peeled down the top cover, with Hux shifting woozily to help, and then curled it back over them both after he climbed in.

At first, Hux lay facing him, kissing his shoulder a couple times and then resting his forehead on it. Poe scratched at his scalp and left his fingers there, threaded into Hux's hair. After a few moments of that, Hux shook his head to dislodge him, saying, "Hm. No."

Poe took his hand back. Hux pivoted, turning to face away. Poe didn't read anything negative in that. He powered on the datapad to continue reading. He wasn't sleepy. Neither was Hux, apparently. But still very inebriated.

A few minutes later, Hux said, "This is so nice. Just having you here. Having someone here. I hope you're not upset that mostly I just want someone with me. It's not you particularly."

Poe side-eyed Hux's back and grinned at how backhanded Hux's drunken compliments were.

"It could be anyone," Hux continued. "Not that anyone would, other than you. Nor would I let them." He sighed, seemingly oblivious to the contradiction between 'it could be anyone' and 'I wouldn't let them'.

Poe wasn't oblivious to it. He set down the data pad and turned halfway to Hux, who was still facing away. "Go on. I'm listening."

"I know. I know you're listening. It's nice. So much better than lying in my quarters alone, staring at the stars or the ceiling, trying not to think. Rehashing what happened that day and rehearsing what I'd do the next. One day after another. It wasn't bad – not all the time – but it was always so lonely. And now you're here, listening to me." He sniffed. "I like this  _so much_."

Poe rolled over the rest of the way and wrapped his arms around Hux's middle. "I love you."

Hux sniffed again, but Poe didn't think he was crying. "It never occurred to me that one of the people I was shooting at might be nice to talk to. Might listen to me. Or hug me. Or comb my hair. Or feed me ice cream. Or introduce me to his family. Or tell me he loved me. Might … enjoy being with me. Might let me … might enjoy what I would do for you. In bed or otherwise. Wherever. Whatever." He breathed out heavily. "Do you know how little gratitude there is for a life of service in the Order?"

"Huh-uh," Poe said quietly. He kissed the fabric over the middle of Hux's back.

"There's none." Hux gestured vaguely in front of himself with one arm. "It's taken to be one's duty. It would be like congratulating you for eating lunch. It's not an accomplishment. You just do it. We all worked because that was the thing to do. When everyone is a martyr it ceases to have any distinction. I suppose the older ones were motivated by a desire for revenge, but you'd think that would have cooled over thirty pfassking years."

"Hm. I didn't know you had that word in the First Order."

"It's not allowed to be said while on duty."

"They … You guys had rules about what words you could say?"

"Yes. That's strange?"

Poe shrugged. "I think so."

Hux harrumphed. "Once we found out who Kylo Ren had been before he joined the Order, Snoke forbid the speaking of his old name altogether. I always wondered why that was. It didn't seem like a terrible secret. I mean, obviously he's descended from someone, but Snoke spoke like having the great 'Ben Solo' serve him was some long-anticipated erotic fantasy come true." Hux snorted. "It was disgusting to listen to."

"When did that happen?"

"Just about every time Snoke spoke of him privately to me. I eventually decided he wasn't trying to incite rivalry, but instead he truly was that infatuated with the idea. I made me pity Kylo, though he was still annoying." After a beat he added, "Snoke was gross. He had no discipline. He wore  _slippers_  while carrying out his office!"

"No, that's not what I meant, and by the way, yeah, gross. That fits with some of what I've seen of Kylo's problems and those of the knights. I don't think you were wrong in how you interpreted that. But what I meant was, why didn't you know who Kylo was from the start?"

"Why would I? Introductions were not given."

"Just … Well, I was talking about Ben Solo. But hang on, you served with people and you didn't even know their name?"

"The First Order is huge. Do you know the name of each and every Resistance member? All the citizens of Yavin?"

"No, no. That's not it."

"Then what is it? I didn't know the names for most of Snoke's staff. Not unless I interacted with them directly. The knights were just 'the knights', although I had Eddiva and Tritt and their agencies put together profiles on them eventually. They shared their names here and there, and when they did it was added to their files. I never saw their faces. I didn't even know some of them were nonhuman. As I told your father, I didn't know what Snoke was or where he came from. That's normal."

"That's normal," Poe repeated back, adjusting his mental framework. Not only did the Order default to wearing masks and assigning people dehumanizing designations, but they didn't even know who one another were?

"Isn't it?"

"Not really. It's like a society that was designed to be anti-social."

"It was. I already said that."

"You did?"

"Yes. We work. Worked, that is. That's all we did."

Poe knew that wasn't literally true, but it was close enough. "That sounds … bleak."

Hux shrugged. "How did the Resistance operate?"

"Um, well …" Poe was quiet for a while as he thought about that. Pointing out that the Resistance did it better wasn't helpful for either of them. Nor was it really true. He wet his lips and said, "We lived … under the constant threat of the imperial remnants or the First Order finding us, or striking somewhere that we couldn't defend. We lived … with the awareness that the New Republic would not only disavow knowledge of us, but might prosecute us, if they could."

Poe swallowed. "We knew we were doing right. But we also knew the galaxy didn't see it that way. I guess that's kind of bleak and anti-social, too, when it comes down to it."

Hux interlaced his fingers with Poe's. He didn't say anything for a while, then said, "We should make a better future for everyone."

"We are." Poe kissed the middle of his back. "This whole thing with the peace and the new government? That's a better future."

"We should make one even better than that."

Poe chuckled and snuggled in close. "We will, Babe. We will."


	69. Hate Fear Is Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nera helps Hux find a little more courage in the face of his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early AM the next morning.

Hux walked outside into the night. It was fairly well-lit as night-time went, with half of the Yavin gas giant still visible over the horizon, but hazed over with clouds. The grass was wet with dew. It made him wonder if he should have brought a towel with him. But he was still in his day clothes, having never changed out of them. He thought he'd be fine.

He moved under the uneti tree, giving it a sort of mental greeting in the form of 'this tree'. A concept of 'roots holding fast to rocks' came to his mind like it was the tree's name for him, some form of recognition in return. The flattering nature of the name made him smile for a second before he settled himself under it, his back to the trunk. As he'd expected, he could feel the cool dew on his backside through the pants. This whole planet was organic and messy. He didn't mind, but it was a lot to take at times.

He breathed out and tried to clear his mind. He'd no more started the process than he heard a scrabble behind him, as though from within the trunk. He crossed his arms, fingers of one hand curled around his wrist where they touched the handle of his knife. None of the animal life on Yavin IV actively hunted humans, but there were many which were dangerous. The tree said into his mind, very clearly and as the Basic word, ' _Nera_ '. He blinked. It could talk?

Above him, he saw the named knight walk confidently along a branch, then squat to look down at him. A moment later, she jumped, landing some half dozen long paces from him. He started to put his hands at his sides, but it was no more than an intention motion before she covered half the distance between them in a single fluid gamboling stride. His fingers wrapped around the handle tightly.

She stopped, gracefully depositing herself on her rump, legs crossing in the fashion he'd seen the other knights use to sit on the ground. He let go of the knife and went back to merely holding his crossed forearms. She said, "It is dark. Most sleep. Not you. Why?"

He raised a brow and decided to proceed as though she could understand him fully. The other knights spoke to her thusly, so he assumed her comprehension was better than her speech. "I slept earlier in the day. I came out here to meditate."

"Yes we both?"

"We could. If you wish." The prospect of being silent together sounded appealing at first, but the last time he'd meditated with someone under the tree had gone very badly. What if she thought 'meditate' meant some manner of Force joining? He added, "Or talk."

"Talk?"

"The tree knows your name. Did you teach that to it?"

"Yes."

"Interesting. Does it have a name?"

"The tree?"

"Yes?"

"The tree."

Her intonation changed unmistakably with each statement. "You're saying the name it calls itself is 'the tree'?"

"The tree. Concept. Idea. Thought image. Neros kordoom." She pointed at her head.

"I'm not familiar with those last words."

"Neros kordoom," she repeated. He knew the meaning then through a direct, projected mental image as precise as any Snoke had given him. It meant something like self-identity or the experience of being. His fingers curled tight around his forearms and his breath came short. She gave him another image or mental projection: her own inability to find a word to express herself. Then she shared a visual of the three of them – him, tree, and her – but her inability to verbalize slid in point of view from herself to the tree.

He coughed to clear his throat, telling himself this was no different than Poe speaking into his mind, or Kylo, or Snoke. "You're saying it doesn't have a word in Basic to call itself by?"

"Yes."

He swallowed and breathed out, releasing his grip on himself. "Thank you." They were just having a polite conversation. That's all this was. Nothing threatening. She was just strange, that was all. He knew the word she was looking for, but she not only hadn't asked, but she was communicating fine without it. He didn't know how she'd take an unsolicited offer of help. In the Order, such was considered condescending, perhaps even threatening. Speaking of which: "Poe told me that you offered to clear the alcohol from my bloodstream. Or at least, that Kylo offered on your behalf."

"Yes." As he thought about what to ask as a follow-up, she said, "Still need this?"

"No." This clarified that despite her time in the Order, her social cues came from somewhere else. The knights had been very isolated. Hux had, of course, declined the offer. He knew he'd been graceless in his lack of enthusiasm to allow a nearly unknown Force user free reign to use equally unknown powers on him. To his credit, Poe prefaced that he was passing the offer along out of politeness with no expectation Hux would allow it. But now that his vulnerability couldn't be so easily taken advantage of, he asked, "What does that entail, anyway?"

"I touch I cure. Force. Power goes without you feeling except better."

"I see." He thought about that. He knew of few Force applications that didn't involve harming someone, controlling them, or giving one enhanced abilities to inflict harm. It was novel to hear of one that was genuinely helpful. "Can you cure oxygen deprivation?"

"Yes."

"Can you survive in space?"

"In ship." She flashed a grin and slapped both knees.

He smiled in return. "That's a joke, yes?"

"Yes." She lifted her chin. It was unusually expressive for what little he'd seen of her, but they were alone, safe, and quiet together. Hux had dealt with enough frightened children to know how behavior shifted depending on the audience. He himself acted differently alone with Poe than he ever would under the eyes of others. She must not see him as a threat. That was nice – naïve, but nice.

"Ah." A light came on inside the house, in the kitchen. He watched as the dark outline of a person came to the window. Hux reached out mentally,  _Poe?_

_Yes? You okay?_

_Yes, I'm fine. Is that you at the window? Go back to sleep._

It was Poe. He could feel the hesitation in his husband's mind. Uncertainty. Worry. Hux liked the overprotectiveness. He wanted someone to be concerned about him. He was warmed when Poe asked again,  _Is everything okay?_

_Yes, dear. I'm not sleepy. I thought I'd see if the tree could help me work through some things. I'll be in later. You'll know if I'm upset. Just as you already did._

_Yeah. I felt something. From you._

_Nera is here. We're talking. It unsettled me for a moment. I'm fine._

_Okay._

Hux saw the silhouette pull away from the window. A moment later, the light went out, but he could still feel Poe's wakefulness at the back of his awareness. At some point in the mental conversation, Nera had turned to look that way. Now she swung back to him. He asked her, "You heard?"

"No. Buzz. Focus. Not me in it."

"I see. But you can sense the Force use? Steel said some people could feel it."

"I sense the Force."

That wasn't exactly an answer. Was that misdirection he'd just detected, hidden under her usual uncertain speech pattern? Or was he just paranoid? He smiled a little at her. Her expression did not change. For most social creatures, the lack of mirroring was a tell by itself. As Tritt had taught him, you could get far by mimicking the people around you and taking note of when they didn't copy you in return.

He took note and moved on. "Tell me about your training in the Force. When did it begin? How did it go?"

"With Luke. I train Force him years ago long … long. Half of me. Ten years? More. Some more."

Hux sat quietly, repeating the words over in his head to parse the meaning of them. They were like a code. Slowly, he said, "You began training with Luke half your life ago … eleven or twelve years ago. That was when you found the Force."

"Yes. No, then. Force is always and ever. Now then and before then. Always."

"Always for you? Or always for everyone?" He found himself falling into her mode of speaking unintentionally. It felt natural.

"Both but me."

"Always for you," he repeated. This reminded him of the word game with Phasma. "Are you saying you have had the Force since your earliest memories and only began training with Luke some twelve years ago?"

She made a quick bob of her head and jerk upward of her shoulders. He interpreted it as a nod. "Had Force since clinger."

"Clinger?" He'd never heard the word before, but he had an intuitive grasp of what she meant by it. That was curious.

She responded to his questioning tone, confirming what he already knew. "Not toddler," and wobbled her upper body back and forth. "Clinger." She made a grasping motion with her arms, like she was holding someone to herself: clinging.

"Were you able to do things with the Force when you were a clinger?" The Jedi had started training very young, as soon as the young could be physically separated from their mother's direct sustenance. Meaning for most species, upon weaning. It had been unclear in the documents both Huxes had access to exactly how much Force mastery these younglings had. Both had assumed the abductions had been done to facilitate indoctrination and that rumors of child Force use was either an aberration or a lie.

"Yes. Many always and never liked."

Then it was not a lie. The jury was still out on it being an aberration. "Many powers. Who didn't like you having them?"

"They. Luke. Others not Snoke or Rens. All not like but Snoke or Rens."

"Hm. It's interesting to hear of Snoke as a tolerant being." Though he supposed Snoke was tolerant of anything that advanced himself. He moved on. "What about the Resistance? You were with them for months, were you not? Did they not like you using the Force while you were among them?"

"Yes. No. Poe say no. All say no. Them hate fear. I quiet listen."

"Poe didn't like your Force use, either?" That was disappointing. He'd need to ask Poe about that.

"Poe commander. Poe say no. Kylo say no. No." Then she leaned forward as though conspiratorially. "I anyway. I me. Nera me. Anyway."

Kylo as well? But Hux smiled to her. "You are a naughty child," he said approvingly.

She flashed another grin and slapped her knees. She'd disobeyed Poe and Kylo both, and she was foolish enough to admit it to him. It made her sound untrustworthy and sounding untrustworthy was enough to categorize her  _as_  untrustworthy as far as Hux was concerned.

"Was that why the others didn't like you using the Force when you were much younger? Were you naughty then, too?" He kept his voice light and a smile on his face.

But her gaze fell to her lap and she turned introspective, failing again to mirror. She thought, then lifted her eyes. "No. I was Nera." Her words were heavy and there was no smile.

"'Nera'." A tiny epiphany opened up in his mind. "Neros kordoom. Nera." She was just herself, the person she was, trying to navigate her life. He didn't know how he knew this, but it made him reconsider his knee-jerk classification as untrustworthy.

She looked at him with gratitude and understanding. "Yes."

They were quiet for a moment. Being a child with the Force and others disliking her for using it must have made life difficult. Hux asked, "Do you ever wish it hadn't come to you? The Force?"

She half-smiled, a fragile, brief expression of wistfulness. "No." Her features settled. "It power. I like power." She made a normal human nod of just her head moving. "Power good. Power good for clinger. Power good for padawan. Power good for Nera. Hate fear is weak. Nera … is strong."

"Hate fear is weak," he repeated. He thought about his own feelings toward the Force. He thought about Kylo telling him that he was stronger now and more able to stand up to Snoke or any other threat in his life. Hating and fearing his own power was weak. If he wanted strength, he had to embrace it. "I would like to meditate now, if that suits you. You've given me something important to think about."

Nera settled herself and shut her eyes, relaxing in place. She was the picture of serenity. Hux watched her quietly for several moments before leaning back against the trunk and letting his thoughts explore a new way of relating to himself and to Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux is using this, although he is only partially aware of it: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Comprehend_Speech


	70. Brothers Ick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone is in the middle of high drama. Steel and Tark sit on the back porch. Steel tries to razz Tark about being too secretive, but Tark points out Steel won't even talk to his own family despite years of financially supporting them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also, this is a general statement that Force users are still being super-cautious about publicity. Considering fifty years of either public persecution or being canonized as legends, it's kind of dicey.)
> 
> Today in 'Probably Irrelevant Backstory': Steel's original name was Mozzick (Bubspur, if it matters). Tark's original name was Lonnick (of Keylander Station, for those who track such things). During the seven years they shared with Luke, they were dubbed the Brothers Ick in jest by some of the other students. They liked the name, so they kept it, even after they were Steel and Tark. Caspire, whose previous name was Juleen Nakk, is occasionally called 'Sister Akk' or an honorary Brother Ick because 'akk' sounded similar enough to 'ick' for them.

"No, alone!" Hux said sharply as Steel and Tark followed him and Poe out of the house. Breakfast was over and there was only so much room in the kitchen, so the four of them were piling out the back door.

Steel furrowed his brows and grimaced at the man's tone, remembering more than once that Kylo had complained about the guy being an asshole, and a few times Steel himself had reason to dislike him. Hux didn't even break stride, just assuming his order would be understood and followed. He was marching off at full speed like he was late for a launch. Steel could pratfall the guy with a flick of his wrist.

Poe turned and tried to smooth things over. He made quick soothing motions with his hands, caught Steel's eye, and shook his head with a pleading look. Steel sighed, put out. Yes, he could make Hux face-plant into the sod, but he'd seen Poe virtually pulling his hair out the day before over Hux being afraid of the Force. The whole thing sounded silly. It was like being afraid of gravity.

On the one hand, he'd get an even bigger reaction out of everyone if he did it. On the other, if the guy was genuinely phobic, it was cruel to exploit that. On yet another hand, Hux was an asshole. And on yet a fourth hand, Steel had seen him do a few decent things over the years. Pro or con, it seemed evenly balanced. He was sorely tempted.

Tark threw himself into one of the chairs on the back porch. Steel side-eyed him and decided that was a statement of lack of solidarity in starting shit. Steel let it go. Poe shot him a grateful look and jogged off to catch up with his partner.

"Weather's nice," Steel said blandly as he sat. No more had Steel's butt hit the seat than Tark was back out of his.

"Too cold. I'm moving this." He hauled the chair off the porch and into the morning sunshine.

Steel's frown deepened. They were now too far apart to talk without raising his voice and he didn't want to move his chair. "You could just use the Force to warm yourself like you usually do."

"Sun's better."

"Is it?"

"Yep." Tark hissed and stretched out on the chair, opening clothing and stripping himself functionally naked to better bask in the light. Trandoshans were cold-blooded to go along with their lizard-like appearance, so Steel really couldn't blame him. Yavin IV was a perfectly moderate temperature for humans, but that put it a bit on the cold side for Doshans. Despite the humidity, Tark had reported Dagobah as fairly comfortable for him. Caspire, on the other hand, had been happy to get back to someplace where she wasn't stewing in her own sweat all the time.

Steel snorted and finally got up to scoot his chair to the edge of the shade. He looked out at the cloudless sky. "Casp said it was going to rain later."

"Gotta enjoy this while I can then."

"I'll bet you miss that solar bank in the  _Supremacy_."

Tark hissed in agreement. "I think what I miss most about that place was the grit blowers. Those things were incredible – nothing like it. I haven't shed properly in months. Well, pretty much since we got kicked out."

"You still haven't picked one of those up?"

"What, on Dagobah? Hss! 'Course not. We have yet to land on a planet with a proper interspecies market. Or even just a good old-fashioned sand pit."

Steel grunted. "Yavin's not bad. I saw a speeder in the shed. You could take that into town. Or have Kylo hop you over to the capital. They might have some stuff there. I'm sure they have sand somewhere. I know you're picky about that stuff, but you ought to at least look."

"Not so sure I want to get out in the open."

"War's over. You can do what you want. No one's looking for us anymore."

"Uh-huh. You called your family yet?"

Steel didn't answer. One downside of dealing with the same people for years was that they not only knew all your bullshit, but exactly how to call you on it.

Tark nodded. "That's what I thought."

"I sent them money!" Steel bleated. "My little brother's in college now because of it, too. My sister graduated as a civil engineer. She got a job at some place I can't pronounce. Looked like it was owned by Neimoidians when I looked it up in the system, but it's tough to do a confidential data search while on a kriffing Resistance ship. They're doing fine!"

Tark shot him an unimpressed look. "Neimoidians, huh? What do you think of that?"

"I don't know. I've heard horrible things about them. But they've probably heard horrible things about me."

"Which is why you haven't talked to your family." Tark shifted position to find some new skin to expose to the sun's rays.

Steel grunted again. "I will eventually."

"Uh-huh. You been saying that for fifteen years."

"It hasn't been that long."

"Yeah, it has."

"No, it hasn't. Fourteen. Max. And I sent some letters like … right at the beginning. When Tre was teaching me calligraphy. Those count for something, you know?"

Tark made a scoffing noise. "Force alive, Steel. You put two people through higher education and pulled a whole family out of the gutter. You ought to at least visit them and get some accolades out of it."

"Fuck you," Steel said sourly. "I didn't do it for thanks! Besides, they're not  _both_ out of college. Jerick's just started." Tark rolled his eyes back at Steel, who went on, "Someone ought to at least get ahead. Make something of themselves."

"Yeah? What are you going to make of yourself? Now that the war's over and no one's looking for us and all?"

"Fuck you," Steel told him again. Tark made a few fake human laughs. After a bit, Steel said, "I don't know. You had a pretty good idea about working security. Maybe Kylo knows someone important who wants a bodyguard. Like in this new government. He knows a lot of people. Or Rey. She knows a lot of traders. Sometimes they need hired muscle."

"Going to be a lot of other ex-Order folks competing for the same jobs." Tark huffed. "Too bad everyone Casp knows is dead. Everyone Nera knew pretends she doesn't exist anymore. I never paid attention to people to start with – I was still a kibble-biter when Luke came along. Tell you what, we can make him an honorary Brother Ick."

"Yeah? What's that mean?"

"It means that unlike  _some_  people around here, I haven't spent all the credits I got on our way out of the Order. If you get blasted, I'll get the little Icker the rest of the way through college. What he manages after that's on him. Human or not, he should have all his teeth by then."

Steel stared at Tark. "Why- Okay. Thanks."

"You have to let the little ones pick the bones. Or at least toss them some kibble. Otherwise they starve to death. I'm just being normal."

"Normal, huh?" Steel asked. "Yeah. But seriously, thanks. That puts my mind at ease."

"Yeah, well, don't get yourself blasted. If I ever get to a market, I might spend all my credits on grit blowers and none of this will matter."


	71. Exposure Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe practices telekinesis while Hux watches, then they discuss the bond with Rey and Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV change from Hux to Poe at the break.

Hux reached the picnic table as Poe caught up with him. In the middle of the table was a single seed pod of some kind. It was green and about the size of a small chicken egg or a very large acorn. Hux picked it up. It was hard. He could feel something about it – an essence maybe. Something of the Force. If it was an illusion he was detecting, then it was a convincing one.

"Hey," Poe told him, "Sweetie, Hugs, you need to be careful about who you're rude to. Those guys aren't under your command. That means a lot, right?"

"Yes, it does, but they followed my order anyway, which means more."

Poe looked back toward the house. "What  _does_  that mean?"

"The matter of whether I owe Ren or he owes me seems to be being decided in my favor."

"That's in dispute? What …?"

"I give orders to his people. Rightly, they should ignore me. That they don't means they think he owes me. If he disagrees, he will tell me, then I will remind him I didn't claim offenses against him and he will remind me I thanked him for killing Snoke. I'll argue that he thanked me in turn so that negates it. Then we'll argue further. But since they're doing what I tell them, it would appear Ren yields without a contest."

"Or maybe Kylo just doesn't want to argue with you?"

"It's the same thing. It wouldn't be the first time I've won through obstinacy. In any case, I've been awake since midnight, my head hurts, it's very bright out here, and I have no interest in strangers inviting themselves along for what we're about to do."

Poe chuckled, smiled, and kissed him on the cheek. "Okay. I love you." He let it go. "What's the plan?"

Hux took a seat, nut still in hand. He waved Poe to the other side and put the thing between them. "This will do. You practice the Force. I watch. Exposure therapy."

Poe reached out a finger and rolled the nut around the old-fashioned way, looking past it to give Hux a dubious face. "Has that ever worked for you?"

"It's the same as the desensitization exercises we tried," he scoffed. "Of course it's worked."

" _That_ ," Poe said slowly, "is an inherently rewarding experience. It works because the exposure to being touched is pleasurable and you learn that as we do it.  _This_ ," he picked up the nut between two fingers, "if this is frightening, then it's a bad feedback loop, a vicious cycle, and exposure just shows you this is something you have to be scared of every time you see it."

"It worked with Snoke," Hux snapped. He could feel himself getting wound up already. It made his head throb. The morning sunlight was no help, but at least the picnic table was safely under the shade of the uneti tree. He wanted to rub at his forehead, but didn't. Those two knights were still in line of sight.

"How?" Poe asked. "Tell me about that."

Hux grimaced, pressing his lips together a few times. "Just … it … worked. I've … I've told you how the first time went. I- there were other times. I just … went back. I kept exposing myself. I suppose. I kept going. There was not … like … I mean, what else …? I …" He sighed and shook his head. "Aphasia. That's the word Nera wanted."

"What's that?"

"Nera … never mind. It's not quite the word I need. It doesn't matter though. This will work fine." He gestured for Poe to begin.

Poe regarded the thing with a briefly puzzled expression, then it cleared and he looked to Hux. "I have an idea – but first we're going to do what you said. That's how it works between us. My idea is a related idea. Just hear me out." He set down the nut. "You  _tell_  me what to do and I'll do exactly that."

"I … I have. You mean more?"

Poe nodded. "I mean specific directions."

Hux nodded to himself. Poe was trying to give him the illusion of control. "That's an excellent idea. Very clever." He breathed out slowly and leaned back. "Very well. I have some questions first. Does this tire you? Are there limits to what orders I should give?"

"I don't know. I barely did it yesterday. Neither time made me tired. How are you feeling?"

"Mildly hungover. I'll be fine."

"Okay. You know I can feel how you're feeling, right?" Poe gestured from his head to Hux's.

"I appreciate your concern, but by my standards, I am fine – not good, but acceptable. If you don't have hangover compounds, then there is no treatment here I will accept aside from the passage of time." Meaning he didn't want to hear about Nera's ability again or another urging to take it easy.

"Right." Poe focused on the seed pod. "Then let's just do it and if I feel like I'm getting worn out, I'll let you know. Learning experience for both of us."

"Very well."

Poe nodded. He looked from the nut to Hux, brows raised slightly in expectation.

Hux exhaled and centered himself. How would he do this as an exercise – a leadership exercise, giving orders and finding out how this power worked? "Roll it on the table, slowly, one full rotation."

Poe looked to the object. A moment later, it moved. It rolled end over end five or six times before Poe reached out with his hand to grab it, apparently failing to do so mentally. "Okay, that needs some calibration." He returned it to the spot on the table between them.

Hux put his hands in his lap where Poe wouldn't see them if they started shaking. "That's what we're here for. Try it again."

* * *

Poe tried the nut. He added a leaf. Then a second leaf. Keeping three things aloft and doing the same simple thing with all three was doable. Trying to do different things with all three was not. Poe could float things into Hux's hand (this was Hux's idea; Poe wouldn't have dared, especially not with the constant low-level dread and discomfort he was getting from his husband).

He pulled against things Hux held in his hand – the leaves sheared, the nut didn't move. He moved things ineptly when he couldn't see them, hidden under the table. Oddly, he was much better when he simply closed his eyes, even if Hux moved the object around the table so Poe wasn't sure where it was. He could feel it dimly and for some reason felt it less when it was out of sight. He didn't try to make sense of it.

Poe didn't try to double down and try harder when he failed. He just followed directions. Hux eventually joined his thoughts, watching as he moved things, feeling through what Poe was doing. Hux made no attempt to do it himself. Poe didn't suggest he do so. But Poe called a halt to it soon thereafter, switching sides of the table to sit next to Hux, sliding an arm around his waist and holding him close. Hux's arm settled over Poe's shoulders. Hux leaned against him.

"I can feel how tired you are," Poe said.

"It's the hangover," Hux lied. The hangover was part of it, sure, but Poe suspected it was mostly the emotional strain.

Poe knew he was lying. Hux knew Poe knew. Poe shrugged. "It must be the hangover," he agreed, pulling Hux's arm over his shoulders.

"I don't even know what I drank," Hux said.

"Normal stuff, I assume. Brandy or whiskey or something. Dad's not into weird stuff."

Hux nodded.

They sat like that for a while. Rey and Kylo came out of the house. Tark and Steel wandered off to the  _Falcon_. Rey and Kylo joined Poe and Hux at the picnic table, with Rey sliding in to the middle of the opposite side and Kylo taking the end of that side. Rey said, "We need to talk about bond stuff."

"You first," Hux shot back, stiffening. Wariness suffused his mind and then he blanked it, driving his thoughts out of the surface of his mind. But he didn't change his basic position – arm still over Poe's shoulders, with Poe's arm around his waist.

Rey looked thrown to have him toss the ball back into her court so quickly. Kylo smiled with a lazy 'I told you so' look and leaned back, locking eyes with Hux, who glared at him.

When no one said anything for a moment, Poe said, "Who talks first, huh?" He laughed a little, trying to lighten the suddenly heavy mood.

Kylo shrugged one shoulder. "You. You always talk first."

Poe glanced around the table. Rey and Hux looked like their lips were sealed for whatever reason, so Poe addressed Kylo. "You said yesterday the bond was incomplete. What does that mean?" Next to him, Hux drew himself up, spine straightening. The arm that had been on Poe's shoulders dropped to his side. He scooted over a few inches. Poe let him go.

"This." Kylo gestured between Hux and Poe. "This dynamic."

"What dynamic?" Poe asked. He found himself irritable, which he was sure was partly emotional overflow from his husband and partly the sting of Hux parting from him when he was tense. "Don't be vague. I don't do vague well. I need simple and clear."

"You already know the answer. Say it."

Rey put a hand over one of Kylo's. She wore an amused expression.

Poe was quiet for a long beat. He looked at Hux, who was still withdrawn. He turned back to Kylo. "The reason why I called you here was to help us with this thing between us so we're not hurting each other accidentally. I know there are parts of himself Hux hasn't shared with me. That's what you mean by the dynamic, right?"

Kylo gave one nod. "Close enough."

Poe went on, "That's his prerogative. He doesn't have to explain himself to me. Bond or no bond – he does not belong to me. His past does not belong to me. I get what I get and I don't throw a fit," Poe ended with one of the First Order sayings Hux had related. Next to him, he felt a spike of amusement run through Hux. Hux moved his hand to rest on Poe's thigh. Poe said, "There is nothing lesser or wrong with this."

"He's on the defensive. You're on the offensive. Do you see that?"

Poe hesitated. "That's true, but I don't know what you want me to make of it."

Kylo said, "I said it was incomplete. It is." He looked to Hux. "If you want things to change, change them. Otherwise they'll stay the same."

Steel and Tark came around the corner of the house. They were each carrying a pipe about as long as an arm's length – mock swords. The two crossed the yard well away from them, moving to a clear area near the koyo trees.

When it was clear the pair were minding their own business and setting up to spar, Hux said, "I … I have recognized this, yes. I … I don't know  _how_. I can't even bring these things to mind for  _myself_. I need someone else to do it."

"You need  _him_  to do it?" Kylo said with a dart of his eyes at Poe.

Poe shook his head and raised a hand to interrupt. Before he could say anything, Rey kicked him under the table. Poe put his hand down and shut his mouth. But then he had this sense, a buzzing background noise of pure wrath coming off Hux.

Hux was giving Rey a long, steady look while she didn't even bother to look innocent. He was simply staring at her. It made no sense until Poe realized she'd just struck Hux's partner. It was not hard and Poe didn't care, but Hux's emotions had flipped to boiling hot as though she'd reached across the table and slapped Poe. He put a hand on Hux's thigh under the table.

 _That's not an offense_ , Poe thought to him, using Hux's term from earlier. He wasn't sure the message would get through.  _It's okay. It's okay, Babe. We can talk about it later. She didn't do anything wrong. Culture and context, okay?_

Hux gave Poe a careful look. Poe could feel the emotion ramp down. Hux turned to Kylo and resumed the conversation like there hadn't been thirty seconds of dead silence hanging heavily in the air. "I've asked him. He has declined."

Poe wanted to say something, badly, but he swallowed his words. If Rey kicked him again to shut him up, he wasn't sure what Hux would do and he didn't want to find out.

"Is that the end of it?" Kylo asked Hux. "Is he defying you? Does he hate you?"

"Of course not!"

"What would you do if one of your officers didn't follow orders and you were certain it wasn't due to defiance?"

Hux blinked a couple times and licked his top lip. Slowly, he said, "I would instruct them in their duty. Or have someone else qualified do the same, if it wasn't something I knew."

"Is this something you are familiar enough with on a personal level to instruct him yourself?"

"Yes. I may have also told him not to do it. This isn't his fault."

Again, Poe had to bite his tongue, almost literally this time. Because while Hux  _might_  have said not to do this 'deep dive' memory search at some point, Poe couldn't remember him forbidding it and he definitely remembered Hux telling him to do it anyway. But with all of Hux's concern, trepidation, and outright fear, Poe wasn't about to carry through. Which he still thought was the right decision for those moments, but he could see it might not be now.

Rey shrugged one shoulder and said to Hux, "You're the one who can do something about it. The Force brought you together, but it can't keep you there if you don't want it."

"I  _do_  want it." Hux brought both hands to the surface of the table, moving them restlessly. His look to her was wary, but surprisingly respectful.

Rey said quietly, "Snoke looked at everything I was. Kylo was there when it happened." She swallowed roughly. "If he hadn't been, maybe I would have never told him about that." She pursed her lips. "Because I understand not showing weakness to anyone ever. But he knows. And because he knows … it's not a weakness anymore. It's just something that happened that I didn't like. Just like the things that have happened to him."

In the background, there were snaps and whacks as Tark and Steel began practicing their swordplay. Kylo's eyes drifted to the action.

"I would like that to be the case for us as well. I will do it," Hux said solemnly. He turned to Poe. "Will you?"

"I will do what you tell me to do."

"Even this?"

"Uh-huh. Even this." Poe paused, glancing around. "Right now? We have some distractions going on."

Hux relaxed some. "I would … prefer to procrastinate until my headache has cleared."

Poe leaned in and gave him a careful kiss on the cheek. "I think that's smart," he whispered. "Also, you can change your mind if you want to."

"I won't."

"Okay."


	72. Contextual Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The acceptability of violence is difficult to divorce from the social context it occurs in. Poe and Hux wrestle with the subject. They are then confronted with Steel's desire to fulfill the dying wish of Jophesta Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Nayta came up a few times in Star Performer, as well as at the end of Orderly Lives.

 

Steel and Tark continued sparring, practice swords snapping against one another and swishing through the air. Caspire and Kes came out of the house to watch. BB-8 rolled along with them, making a detour over to where Poe and Hux were sitting. Rey and Kylo rose, leaving the table to join Caspire and Kes. The four of them discussed the techniques in play.

Poe pivoted at the table to watch the group. Hux did the same. BB-8 made a few casual beeps of greeting and rolled to a halt at the far end of the table, surveying the area. It had only taken one time of accidentally rolling through chicken excrement for BB-8 to become wary of straying too far from the ship or house. Fortunately, the chickens tended to keep to the shed and high grass. Kitehawks would pick them off if they stayed in the open too much.

Poe snaked his arm along the tabletop behind Hux's back. "So, that thing with Rey. That was sweet, by the way. I don't think anyone's ever been so angry on my behalf."

Hux grunted. "Yes, please explain that. She kicked you, did she not?"

"Yes, she did. I know this might sound strange to you, but what she did was okay. I promise you that's just a friendly gesture. If she'd been standing next to me and put an elbow in my ribs it would have been fine, too."

Hux gave him a disbelieving look as though that only made the situation more perplexing.

"Okay, listen, I remember you calling whatever my dad did to you at the spaceport an 'assault' and Finn's told me the First Order doesn't really have a concept for 'playing'. But there are some levels of friendly physical contact that … they aren't meant as an attack. You can have your own rules for yourself, that's fine, but it's not the way I am." Hux was still giving him a disbelieving look. Poe asked, "Is any of this making sense?"

"Not really. Let me see if I understand – it's acceptable for friends and authority figures to strike one in jest, but not if they actually mean it even if it's the same blow either way? Is that what you're saying?"

Poe leaned forward and covered his face with both hands. "Yes, it is. I know it sounds stupid. It has to do with intention."

"How would I know what she intended?"

"Body language?"

"Well, she kicked you. Going off that, it seemed hostile." Poe sighed and made a helpless gesture, so Hux added, "It sounds like you're expecting me to be a mind-reader."

Poe shrugged and flopped his hands down. "I suppose it's convenient that you are, then. At least of me. Maybe others."

Hux made a tiny snort. "And that is why I said and did nothing. I was reading your reaction very closely. You didn't seem bothered and we've had conversations indicating you don't want me to be rash about these things. No killing our friends at the wedding, and all of that." He was amused.

Poe straightened and put a hand on Hux's knee. He nodded. "Yes. Exactly. Thank you. That's perfect." He rubbed Hux's knee and gave him a grateful look for how much Hux was trying to play right by Poe's rules.

Hux said, "If I may ask a hypothetical: What is the difference between Rey striking you to keep you from speaking, or me striking our future employees to keep them from speaking?"

"Uh … Stars." Poe shook his head and rubbed at his face with his free hand. He looked away. "I have no idea how to explain this. Because I can feel you're confused. And you think this is funny, so that's good. We have a sense of humor about it. That's great. But yeah, you're right. It's context. She and I have had a lot of missions and adventures over the last year. We know each other well enough that if she wants to kick me, fine, she kicks me. I shut up. But if you were doing that to your subordinates … that would be abusive."

"What about the slapping on the back and the grasping your father did to me at the spaceport? I'm his subordinate, more or less. Is that 'abusive'?"

"No, it was just rude." Poe let his hand dangle. The boundaries seemed so obvious to him, but he couldn't describe where they were. "I  _really_  don't know how to explain this." He looked up as Steel walked away from the sparring match and tossed his practice sword to Caspire. She snagged it out of the air.

"Well, you need not today," Hux told him. "You've explained enough that I'm going to tell her not to strike you further. That will address the issue until we have a better grip on the details." He wasn't asking permission. Hux rose and started away.

"Hey!"

Hux turned.

Poe said, "What- I mean …" He worried about what Hux was going to say, but on the other hand, Hux had told him. It was hard to object to, but Poe had just told him not to apply First Order rules of allowable physical contact to himself.

"You told me we'd talk about it later. We have. I have to lodge an objection. It's a requirement."

"A requirement of what?"

"You're my  _husband_."

Poe blinked at him. "Okay?" Hux walked off to Rey. Poe sighed and let him go.

BB-8 rolled over to Poe and beeped quizzically. Poe told him, "No, we're fine. He's, uh, protective. Erring on the side of not hitting people. I guess that's good. I never thought  _he'd_  be the one telling me my friends were too violent for his tastes." BB-8 rolled in a tight circle, thanking him for the electro-shock modification Poe had given him a year earlier. Poe sighed. "Okay, yeah, even the Resistance's astromech droids zap people."

By then, Hux was coming back. He'd said something short to Rey, who had glanced at Poe, shrugged, and said a single word back. As best as Poe could read lips, it was 'okay'. Hux settled in where he'd sat before, satisfied.

Poe asked, "Why is it a requirement? I'm trying to understand here."

Hux's brows drew together slightly. "Do you consider yourself the only one of us bound by our wedding vows?"

"No."

"We are pledged us to one another. That includes mutual protection." He hesitated. "Or so I have assumed. Does it not?"

"No, it does." Poe nodded. "It does. And you're right. Just I don't see Rey as a threat. I-" He patted Hux's knee and would have said more, but Steel had trailed along after Hux. "We'll talk about it later."

Steel took a seat at the far end of the picnic table. There was a livid red mark along his forearm where Tark's practice sword had split the skin. Poe had seen worse from the sparring sessions Steel, Kylo, Rey, and Finn got into, but he still asked, "Do you need a bandage?"

"Only if it starts bleeding." Steel glanced at the injury dismissively, then back out at Caspire. Poe looked, too. She was blocking everything Tark threw at her, which was a lot, but landing nothing in return. "She plays really good defense and she's got a lot of reach on him, but he usually slips something past eventually."

Poe nodded, having watched enough of the sessions on the  _Restitution_  to be interested in the action. He'd never seen either of these two fight, though. Tark was fast, delivering a flurry of blows mainly through wrist motion, finessing the tip of the blade instead of making wide swings. But Caspire's sword was always in his way, often enough that Poe assumed she was using Force precognition. Kylo and Steel had considered that cheating between them, but apparently it was fair play between these two. Either that, or Caspire was just that good.

"I heard you were afraid of the Force. Is that true?" Steel asked.

Poe looked up abruptly, but Steel was looking past him at Hux. He ducked his head again, keeping his elbows on his knees as they spoke over him.

"Any sane person would be," Hux answered, "if they didn't possess it themselves. And perhaps even then."

"When I was moving the leaf around yesterday," Steel waved a finger in the air to illustrate, "you didn't seem afraid."

"No. I wasn't."

"What gives?"

Hux hesitated before answering, "Were you to hurt me with it, I would be at liberty to retaliate. I could protect myself."

"You probably could against me," Steel said. He waved at the others. "What about those guys?"

"Just because a person with a blaster could shoot me doesn't mean I walk among my troops in fear of being shot."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

Hux made an exasperated sound. Poe straightened and said, "He's afraid of having the Force used on him by people he doesn't want to fight, like a superior officer, or his husband."

"Ah. Got it," Steel said.

"Thank you," Hux said quietly. "I couldn't find the right words. It's when duty conflicts with self-preservation."

"No problem," Poe answered. "You were saying it. I understood it."

"I'm a little slow at times," Steel said, which Poe knew was a self-deprecating lie. Steel wasn't brilliant by any stretch, but he was not slow. "So, uh," Steel asked, "you would have been scared of Lord Ren when he was supreme leader?"

"That's why he was the supreme leader," Hux said dryly.

"Is that so?" Steel looked between Hux and Kylo. Caspire had finally been defeated by Tark and was passing the sword to Kylo. He gave it a few casual twirls. He and Tark began to circle. "Yeah, he can be a little scary. Let's watch this."

There was hardly anything to watch. Tark dashed forward. Kylo dodged his first strike and after that it was a rain of blows on Tark that kept the lizard on the defensive until he finally tripped on his own feet and went down.

"I taught him that," Steel said with a snigger. "You really got to get Tark distracted though for it to work." Kylo backed away, twirling the sword lazily. Tark flipped to his feet athletically, rolled his shoulders, and they started again. They circled more cautiously, slower, feeling each other out.

Steel said, "Is that why you got him kicked out as supreme leader?"

"I defended him as supreme leader."

"Did you?"

"Yes." Hux bared his teeth on the word. Angry. Offended. Poe glanced between the two men. He wondered how much of Hux's emotions Steel was able to sense. He wasn't getting much off Steel at the moment, emotion-wise.

Steel said, "I would guess you didn't do a very good job, then, given he got kicked out."

"He's alive," Hux said. "And so are you."

Poe knew the galactic media had painted Hux's succession as selfish ambition. He wondered how much of that story Steel had swallowed uncritically. All of the knights had been interested in watching the news of the galaxy once it was available to them. For the most part, they had not shared their thoughts about what they'd seen – at least, not with Poe.

The First Order had been portrayed by most as an unwelcome conqueror, the Empire resurrected. It wasn't far off in Poe's opinion. As the most recent leader, Hux's public image was … well, the sort of thing where Yavin port officials incarcerated him by default and he was allowed to be on the planet only under escort.

"True." Steel made a show of examining the mark on his arm. "Jophesta's not alive, though."

"The knight who died in the Battle of the  _Supremacy_?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Hmp." Hux scoffed derisively. Steel raised his head and straightened slowly, eyeing Hux. Even without the body language, Poe could feel Steel's anger. Poe leaned back and straightened as well, blocking Steel's line of sight to Hux. He met Steel's eyes. Steel gave him a solid stare down for a moment, then grimaced and looked away at where Kylo and Tark were going through a few moves in slow motion, talking about it, with Rey nearby gesticulating.

 _Hey, Hugs?_  Poe reached out mentally, keeping the conversation narrow or at least trying to.

_Yes?_

_Did you have anything to do with that – killing this other Knight of Ren?_

_No._

_Okay. Good. Just checking. Does he know that?_

_I have no idea what he knows. It would depend on what Kylo told him._

"Steel?" Poe asked.

"What?"

"To my understanding, General Hux was leading the battle on Kylo's behalf when Jophesta was killed. He didn't do anything to get her killed. Kylo stopped the battle when she died. That came up the first day on the  _Restitution_. I was there. There was a lot of yelling about it."

"Yeah, I remember. I was the one doing the yelling. If he's such a friend, and you married him so there's that, maybe he can tell us the names of the people who  _did_  kill her?" Steel looked past Poe at Hux.

Poe could feel Hux radiating anger from behind him. Poe put a hand on his knee. Hux said, "I owe you no answers."

"Yeah, but-" Steel's head jerked to the side, because there was Kylo walking over with long strides, hands empty. But he wasn't pulling to a halt to discuss things.

"Hey," Kylo said before looping his arm around Steel's neck as Steel was starting up from the bench. In the next moment, they both went down wrestling and struggling.

Hux jerked to his feet, at attention, stiff, and blank faced. Poe stayed where he was, looking to Hux attentively. Hux wasn't terrified so much as instantly at high alert. Not too surprising – Poe had been pretty rattled by Kylo and Steel's first greeting on the Restitution.

Hux was watching the two of them thrash it out on the ground, rolling in the grass as each tried to pin or subdue the other. It was more serious than regular rough-housing, but definitely non-lethal. He hoped Hux could see that. Poe said, "They do that. It's okay. That's why getting kicked under the table was no big deal." He kept an eye on Hux's reaction.

"Oh." Hux's voice was small. He swallowed and said nervously, "They're sparring, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Poe looked over at the pair. They'd stopped, sort of. Steel had a solid wrist-lock on Kylo, who was trying to find leverage with his free arm to shove him off.

"I don't want to break your wrist, asshole," Steel told him.

Kylo made an inarticulate yell as he exerted himself to the maximum, bridged upward with his hips, and rolled them. Steel went with it, still hanging onto Kylo's wrist, just as wrapped around the man's shoulder and torso in the new position as he had been before. Kylo's entire arm was immobilized. Steel flexed into it as soon as they settled. Then something happened – Kylo said a quiet word, Steel released entirely, Kylo extracted himself and rolled away.

"Did I?" Steel asked.

Kylo was holding his wrist. "No. Just hurts."

"Give up next time, idiot."

Kylo grinned at him and laughed, massaging his wrist. "Leave Hux alone about that."

"Ah, go fuck yourself."

Kylo flopped back on the grass and rolled the shoulder Steel had had hold of. The rest of the gang was wandering over. BB-8, who had rolled under the table when the fighting started, came out and beeped an all-clear.

"Leave him alone about what?" Caspire asked.

From the ground, Steel leaned against the far end of the picnic bench. "He knows who killed Jophesta."

Everyone's eyes swung over to Hux, except Kylo, who was still lying on the ground as though uncaring, and Poe who was looking back and forth between people, keeping tabs on a volatile situation. Hux stiffened and his lip curled. As though reacting to that, Kes moved over next to him, facing the rest. Rey seemed to lose interest and walked over to sit cross-legged next to Kylo. That left Caspire, Tark, Steel, and BB-8. Nera had been the first to leave after breakfast and Poe hadn't seen her since.

"Who's Jophesta?" Kes asked after a beat.

Tark answered, "One of the Knights of Ren. We all got taken prisoner a little after Snoke died and were held hostage against Kylo. They killed Jo to make a point. Kylo stepped down, so I suppose the point was made. But once we were released, we could have done whatever we wanted." Tark tilted his head and slid his eyes toward Kylo and possibly Rey. "If we'd all worked together."

Caspire grunted. "He wasn't alone in that."

"Yeah," Tark said, "but you would have come around if he'd said so."

"Well, yeah," she said as though that were obvious. "It would have been everyone but me. But the promise was made."

"To who?" Tark said. "The High Command? Fuck them. They're the ones who poisoned us to start with."

"They were tipped off," Steel said. He flopped an arm up along the seat of the bench.

Caspire shook her head and crossed her arms. "We've been over this. It could have anyone."

Steel raised the hand that was on the bench to point at Hux. He was still looking at Caspire, wearing a lop-sided grin. "There's one person here who would know."

Kylo sat up and frowned at the group. BB-8 slowly rolled back under the table.

Kes said, "You really expect him to sell out people he served with so you can track them down for a revenge killing? Am I understanding this right?"

"I was  _asking_ ," Steel said in the tone of someone who was trying to evade guilt with pedantry.

Kes wasn't having it. His voice dropped a little. "You're a fool if you think that's the sort of question you ask of an honorable person."

Kylo laughed. "Now who's going to get us kicked out of somewhere, Steel?"

Steel got to his feet, turning to glare at Kylo. "This isn't funny! You said that was her dying wish, to be avenged, and you've kriffing dropped it!"

Caspire uncrossed her arms and moved in front of Hux, Kes, and Poe. "You three should leave." It was a lot more threatening than a polite suggestion should have been.

"This is my place," Kes said, refusing to budge. Caspire frowned at him. He ignored her. Poe kept his butt on the bench. The tension in the air was thick enough that Poe couldn't tell what emotions were coming from who.

With an exasperated noise, Steel flopped down on the far end of the bench. "Am I alone here? What the kriffing hells? Does this not matter to each and every one of us?"

Tark shrugged and gestured a clawed hand in Hux's direction. "No, but he's not going to tell you, so die mad about it."

Kylo said, "I've given up revenge. You know that."

Kes looked past Caspire at Steel, who'd been looking at Caspire's back. Since Rey didn't know Jophesta, it was a fair assumption that she'd support Kylo. But Caspire hadn't indicated where she stood yet and she still didn't. Steel met Kes' gaze. Kes said, "You told me yesterday you raised three girls. This Jophesta was one of them?"

Steel nodded. "Five years younger than Nera. She was the youngest."

Kes sighed. His face took on a sympathetic cast. "You have to feel like a father who's lost a daughter."

Steel stared at him and spat, "She wasn't even an adult!"

Kes spoke in an earnest, genuine voice. "I'm so sorry. That's a terrible hard thing to happen to anyone. I'm really sorry, for her, for you, and for your family."

Steel swallowed thickly. Sudden tears welled up in his eyes. "You know what? No one's ever said that to us. No one." He hung his head and cried. Caspire moved to sit next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

Kes looked across the group at Kylo, who had drawn his knees up and had his elbows resting on them, a melancholy cast to his features. Kes said, "We'll give you some privacy." Poe stood, following his father's lead. Kes turned and nudged Hux's elbow. Bb-8 followed as the three of them headed to the house.

Once inside, Kes turned and said, "Out of curiosity, do you know who did it? Do you like that person?"

Hux huffed. He looked at the droid suspiciously. BB-8 pulled his head back in offended innocence. Hux turned to Kes. "It hardly matters. He's letting his sentiment cloud his rationality. It's obvious who did it."

"Obvious?" Kes said uncertainly. He looked to Poe, who shrugged. He had no idea.

Hux said to Poe, "Have you learned nothing of the First Order? There's only one candidate. There is  _always_  only one candidate."

"The person in charge," Poe said, realizing. "Wait, who was in charge at the Battle of the  _Supremacy_  – of the other side, of course?"

"Admiral Nayta." Hux nodded approvingly. "The knight was killed seconds after Ren took out Nayta using the Force. There followed what felt like minutes of waiting, probably while they confirmed her incapacity and informed the next in line. Until Admiral Prok was situated to discuss terms with me. If he'd been the one to give the order, there wouldn't have been such a pause."

"Steel might not know that," Poe said. "The knights were unconscious, right?"

"Sedated. Yes. Ren knows it. And Rey, I suppose."

"She's dead, right? This admiral?" Kes asked.

Hux grimaced. "She died as a result of injuries sustained."

Kes' brows drew together at the lack of a simple 'yes', then smoothed as he dismissed it. "You could tell them though. That would take care of this."

"As I said, I do not answer to Steel Ren," Hux said stiffly.

Kes gave him a long look. "Don't trip over your own pride, Armitage. People need a sense of justice. This costs you nothing."

Hux allowed, "I would tell Ren if he asked – Kylo, that is. He has not. And as I said, he should know. He was there five years ago when one of Nayta's friends was killed by Snoke in a meeting. She was abused and threatened by him as well – then at least and probably other times, as she was the titular head of the navy and had to report directly to him. I was unsurprised to see her leading the others against allowing another Force user to rule us. There had been rumors of her being involved in some treason against Snoke, but it hadn't progressed to him removing her. Ren did it instead, though I consider that an honest combat casualty."

"Kylo might not have thought it through like that," Poe said. "Do you mind if I tell him?"

"I don't tell you things so that you can repeat them," Hux said testily.

BB-8 made a series of inquiring beeps asking why not, as the purpose of communication was the transmission of information.

Hux gave the droid a puzzled look.

Poe moved between Hux and BB-8. He heard BB-8 roll away a few feet and waited until Hux met his eyes. Poe told him, "I know. That's why I'm asking you if I can tell him."

Hux sighed heavily. "Yes."

"Thank you."

"Should I come with you?"

"No. They can't grill you with follow-up questions if you're not there. Besides, I know them better. At least some of them."

Hux nodded. He stayed in the house.

Poe grabbed some tissues and ambled out to where all five of the knights had formed up in a circle. Kylo and Rey were cross-legged next to each other, knees touching. Tark was lounging, taking up the maximum space that he could. Nera had joined them, but she was sprawled on a branch above them, her limbs dangling. Steel and Caspire were cross-legged, spaced to make up the rest of the circle. Steel was no longer crying, but he didn't look like the only one who had wept.

Poe moved in opposite Steel and sat similarly. They all regarded him silently, but he knew the main conversation was going on mentally between them. He handed the tissues to Rey, who handed them off to Kylo, who took one. He then handed them off to Steel, who took one, then offered them to Tark, who floated them untouched over to Caspire, who took one.

"I talked to Hugs," Poe said once the distribution and associated nose-blowing was over. "He wanted you to know that the person who ordered Jophesta's death is already dead – Admiral Nayta." He looked to Kylo. "You killed her in battle. She was the one responsible."

"Because she was the one in command," Kylo said with a thoughtful tilt of his head.

"Who was the one who swung the sword?" Steel asked, balling and reballing his tissue. "Who was the one who laughed when she died?"

"I don't know," Poe answered. "I don't know about the laughing, but whoever did it was following Nayta's orders."

"How?" Steel looked to Kylo. "The way I understand it, the sequence was you killed the admiral and they killed Jo."

"Deadman switch," Caspire said. "Makes sense if you're fighting Force users."

Steel grimaced. "Kill the admiral and they kill a hostage?"

Caspire shrugged. "Or if the admiral begins to act erratically while fighting mental control." She splayed her fingers like she was releasing a manual switch on a detonator. She looked at Kylo. "The whole thing was over not wanting Force users in positions of power. They weren't going to risk another Snoke."

He nodded.

"I'd still like to kill the kriffing scum who laughed," Steel said.

Tark sounded bored as he said, "Sounds like she was avenged before she even died." He looked over at Steel. "There's always going to be ones who laugh. Making fun of people and volunteering to off them go hand in hand. We're not even real people to them – just scary guys in robes, like the Jedi after the Empire came to power."

Steel grimaced, but let it be.

Rey looked over. "Thank you, Poe."

Poe unfurled his legs and stood. "Just wanted you guys to know so you had some closure." He shrugged. "And so you weren't grinding an ax about Hugs."

"It's settled," Kylo said. Poe nodded, but he looked to Steel. Steel rolled his eyes, looked away, and nodded as well. Poe headed back in.


	73. Steel Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group defuses around a campfire. Steel tries to explain that if your connection to the Force is tied to feeling frustrated and limited, there are frustratingly limited works of art that might just be your thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme music for this chapter is a video on YouTube titled, "the cantina band song but it's just the first two notes repeating and it never progresses" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjZ3rLoZdYw). Also, this is payoff for a comment in one of the first chapters Steel showed up in. I've never had a chance until now to clarify why the rest of the knights didn't like his choice of music.

 

"His idea music bad!" Nera said energetically as the group sat around the campfire they'd built on the edge of Kes' yard. It had been Caspire's idea to get everyone together doing something normal and low stress. The meal had gone well. Steel had not brought up Jophesta's killers and Hux had slowly become less defensive.

"It is not  _bad_ ," Steel said calmly. "I don't know what is wrong with you people. It's  _perfect_."

Kylo made a growling sound. Rey grinned. Poe just shook his head. He'd heard it before, having spent months on the same ship with Steel and the others during their slave ring adventures.

"What is it that's so bad about it?" Hux asked. "Synthesized screeching of lyca birds?"

Poe explained. "It's two notes. Over and over. That's it."

"Which two?" Hux asked like it mattered.

"Any," Steel said. "I vary it. You know. Wouldn't want it to get repetitive."

Caspire snorted. Kylo made another disparaging noise.

"It made dark side Kylo," Nera said. "You say!" She pointed at Kylo.

"Yes," Kylo said with a soft smile.

Steel chortled. "Which isn't totally wrong." He leaned forward, looking at Kylo. "You know that's part of it, right?"

"You do it to annoy me?" Kylo asked. "Yes, I know that. Almost everything you do is designed to annoy someone. Most often me."

"It's annoying music," Steel said, ignoring Kylo's complaint. He shook a non-threatening fist at Kylo. "You  _need_  it!"

"To be annoyed?" Kylo said, unimpressed. " _I_  need to be annoyed?"

"Hate keeps you warm at night," Tark said. He was lying on his back, staring up at the stars.

Very quietly, Hux responded, "Hate keeps me fresh to fight." In a more normal tone, he asked, "Where did you hear that?"

Tark answered, "Troopers yell that stuff all the time in drills and sparring. Couldn't avoid it if I wanted to. Even when they had their mouths shut, it was still running through their heads. Then I couldn't get it out of  _mine_."

Caspire chuckled at him.

"Music very bad," Nera said, back to the original subject. "No rhyme. Too simple. Ding dang ding dang ding dang ding dang. Not rhyme! Bad. Same same same not music. Music beautiful. Not that."

"You're missing the point. It's spiritual," Steel said. He turned to Hux, Poe, and Kes. He gestured theatrically with his words. "I use it to meditate. To focus. Detach. Go free. It's always there. It's an ear worm. Let it in. Let it fill your mind. Back and forth. One note and another. One note and another. Stop thinking. Feel the uneasiness inside. That's something your own mind is manufacturing."

Steel leaned forward as he continued with a smile, "You come to realize your mind is expecting something. More. Let that go. Be with the music as it is. It's like life – shorter than you want it to be, less meaning than people insist it has. You don't need any of that. Find yourself under all the noise. Find your energy. Find your center. And just let that two-note symphony go on outside of the core of you."

Steel nodded at Hux as he concluded. "It is what all music should strive to be – emotionally moving. Don't overcomplicate it."

Nera shook her head.

"I've never had any luck meditating," Hux said. "I'll have to give that a try."

"Are you serious?" Poe asked. "I've, uh, been subjected to that torture before."

Hux chuckled. "Perhaps you will be again. It sounds appealing to me."

"It would," Kylo said in a disgusted voice.


	74. Impossible Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Hux complete their Force Bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next day. There is a lot of fluff.

 

After breakfast was cleared away, Kes took the knights out for a tour of the swamps of Yavin IV. Poe and Hux remained behind. They settled in the bedroom, sitting on the bed facing one another.

Poe asked, "I wouldn't normally ask this of you, but can I get you to set your knife aside? Especially given we're dealing with memories of Snoke."

"Yes. Of course. I wouldn't think the process would come across like that nightmare I had when I …" Regardless, he unstrapped the weapon and handed it, scabbard and all, to Poe. Poe set it on the dresser, then returned to the bed.

Hux stared at the bedspread between them. "How do I do this?"

Poe patted his own knees and bit his lips. "Well … there have been a few times when you've been … very open with me. So … you know how to do that."

"How? Can you describe it?"

"Once after I woke you from a nightmare. Another time after we were arguing and you came to me, said you were being ridiculous and I told you that you were funny. You remember that?"

He nodded. "What was I doing then that you thought of as 'open'? I'm being serious, not facetious."

"I know." Poe breathed out and covered his mouth for a moment as he thought. "You were stressed, then the stress was released. You trusted me. There didn't seem to be any barriers between us. You were an open book. You weren't … thinking of anything, or trying to be anything. You were with me and happy to be with me. At least, that was my perception."

Hux tapped a finger restlessly on his thigh.

Poe asked, "Did Snoke ever give you any direction on this?"

"Not really. He told me not to resist. He didn't explain what that meant. The probe is invasive. It goes through me – my sense of identity, my connection to my body, my memories are pilfered through. He never erased or changed anything that I know of."

"Okay. Tell you what. You think of one of those times and I'll read your mind. You don't need to verbalize anything. Just let me see what he did. Maybe that will show us something."

Hux thought of the morning before he'd left Starkiller to begin his missions with Kylo Ren as co-commander. He'd met with Snoke in one of the larger conference rooms. Snoke had him kneel. He'd gone through, in detail, Hux's memories and thoughts on the Starkiller project since Snoke would be in charge of it in Hux's absence. Hux assumed the intention was the transfer of knowledge about the project. It was one of the few times Hux had felt the use of the ability was warranted, which was why he was showing it to Poe now. Also, unlike many other times, it wasn't clouded by fear or anger.

Hux finished reviewing it and thought,  _I think that's as good a parallel as I have._

 _Okay,_ Poe thought back.  _He used this ability because it catches more than what you would have told him or even thought to show him. Right?_

_Yes. We used the other – memory review, I suppose we can call it – when he wanted to know specific things of me. He only used this power, this total information recall, when I was with him in person. There were times when he wanted to know things of me when I was at a distance, that he had to rely on my ability to tell him or he had to look for things specifically. I think he could only do this all-encompassing thing in person._

_Okay. Huh. Well, we're in person, so it shouldn't matter._

_No, it shouldn't._

_I find it interesting that you were very quietly cataloging the guy's strengths and weaknesses._

Hux chuckled.  _Yes. I was … I was a very bad but entirely loyal person. It's complicated. No matter how much people have accused me of being his creature, I was my own man. I was always my own man. Even … even when I gave myself up to him. I could have chosen not to, although I wouldn't be here to speak of it. I'm sure he would have killed me had I not broken to his will._

_You're not broken._

_So say you._

Poe leaned and crawled forward, giving Hux a tiny kiss on the lips. "So say I," he said solemnly. Poe returned to his place on the bed.

Hux sighed. "Thank you."

"I think I can do that – what you just showed me."

Hux nodded and swallowed. He was paler than normal, but otherwise steady. After a pause, he said, "May I do the same to you?"

Poe blinked. "You … Oh, you haven't. Have you?"

Hux chuckled. "No, Dearest. I have not gone picking through your mind like Ren looking for the map. I didn't even ask to learn to fly. It just came to me. Although you seemed to weather things fine on Naboo when Ren checked your thoughts, I have assumed you might find the experience harrowing to be subjected to it again."

Poe rolled that over in his head – mostly, that he hadn't realized the level of care and consideration Hux had been showing him. It was hard to see when it was refraining from an act rather than doing it. He shook his head slightly. "No. I'm fine. Really. I'm okay. I'm not happy about what Kylo did to me in interrogation, but it didn't mess me up and I've had plenty of mental contact from him since then. It was war, like you've said."

"I suppose it is easier when it's an enemy."

Poe grimaced. "I am so not your enemy," he sighed. "That makes this harder, doesn't it?"

"I meant in regard to Snoke, where I felt fighting back was wrong so I didn't."

"Hey, it's okay to fight back against me. If you think I'm doing something wrong, if you change your mind, if it's too much- No, hang on, let me finish," Poe said, staving off Hux's attempt to interrupt him. "If any of that, or you just get overwhelmed or have a reaction you don't understand, kick me out of your head. Do whatever you need to do. The knife's out of reach and I don't think you'll do anything extreme. If you need to lash out at me like you did under the tree, I will survive that. Just know – you can fight back whenever and however you want. We can stop at  _any_  point in time."

Hux breathed out slowly and nodded. "Then let us begin."

"Okay. Everything?"

"Everything."

Poe lifted a hand, then said, "Wait, how long does this take?"

"Less than an hour? I don't know. Please. Start. I've had enough waiting."

Poe grinned. "I get it. One last thing, though."

"Yes?"

"Yes, you can do this back to me. Everything. Anything. Maybe that would even help – give you something to focus on instead of what I'm doing."

Hux nodded. He looked down at the mattress. Poe could see in his mind that he was considering the position he'd always been in for Snoke – hands and knees. Here and now, he was sitting upright, legs crossed and hands on knees. He decided to stay that way. Poe moved carefully in Hux's mind, expanding his awareness and for now, doing nothing else.

Hux let his eyes fall shut and his defenses down. He didn't think about the times when he'd trusted Poe. He thought about a scene whose perspective was unfamiliar, but Poe still recognized it – the firing of Starkiller Base that resulted in the destruction of the Hosnian system. More than any other time in his life, Hux had wanted someone with him, but as he'd watched that crimson blaze die, he'd thought no one would ever have him. He'd damned himself.

Ever since Poe had invited him back to his room for ice cream, Hux had wondered if he'd been wrong. If there was, perhaps, still some hope for him. When it came, Hux's mental reach out to Poe in return felt languid, unhurried, and definite. They'd been practicing this in careful stages over the past week. Their minds merged easily.

Seconds later, it was done. Freely offered, freely accepted, between two who shared a bond – this was not the same mechanism as Snoke plundering memories, though they hadn't realized that until they did it. The bond completed, linked them together, and they knew one another in full for the first time. It wasn't anticlimactic so much as it was a simple relief.

Poe pulled back a hand he hadn't even realized he'd reached out with. He licked his lips. "Now I know what Rey meant about having you in my heart. Oh Hugs," he said softly, "You're incredible."

Hux came toward him with a wondering look, almost childlike, and hugged him fiercely, pulling Poe forward and against himself. "You don't resent me. I wouldn't have believed it. I didn't … until now." His voice was faltering.

"Absolutely no regrets on my end, Hugs. None. You're beautiful. You're perfect. I love you." Poe reached up and wiped away a tear from his own face. "I get to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. You got me, Babe. I'm yours."

"I know!" Hux fell to laughing at how lucky he was. "I know that!" He hugged Poe again, delighted by the certainty. His eyes were teary as well. "And I'm not a bad partner!"

Poe pulled back to give him a perturbed look. "No. You aren't. Did you think you  _were_?" He didn't really need to ask. He knew all Hux's false certainties that Poe choosing to be with him was a foolish mistake and that Hux was being selfish by allowing it. It was a weakness of Poe's that Hux was willing to exploit, but he still felt guilty about it. Poe found that hilarious – mostly the part about guiltily doing it anyway.

Hux ignored the question, running a hand into Poe's hair and giving his wayward locks a concerned look. "I doesn't hurt you, to be with me instead of others."

"No. You don't." Poe chuckled. Hux was more hung up than Poe had expected on the idea he was somehow denying Poe some wild sex life that Poe wouldn't be able to manage without. "I guess I know which of my memories you went straight to. Found those interesting, did you?" he teased.

"Well … puerile curiosity, I suppose. But I wanted to know, yes. Now I do."

Poe grinned. "Now you do. And I don't even have to sound like I'm bragging for you to know." He rubbed Hux's back. "You're so sweet. Such a darling. You're fantastic. And you're hot. Also, to remind you – I married  _you_ , not any of those 'others'. Were you jealous? Wait." Poe tilted his head back, because he knew the answer. "No, you weren't. Just worried." Scared. Frightened that Poe would decide he wasn't good enough and leave.

"Statistically," Hux said quietly, "it would seem to be a valid concern. The foremost reason for separation in the Order was incompatibility or a waning of interest. Aside from work-related reasons."

"Well," Poe said, still rubbing, "it's not going to happen and you know that now."

"I do. I do." Hux sniffled and went back to hugging him.

Poe's own list of concerns was equally short – Hux wasn't going to leave him because he had the Force. Hux had resolved to deal with it much as he had with Snoke and any other difficulty in his life. And there were … Poe looked back through Hux's memories … so many difficulties. Where Poe had found camaraderie and doors opened for him due to his family and interests, Hux had been frankly abused and exploited for the same. It was staggering.

Hux was aware, dimly, that others had better lives. He was alternately envious of or pleased for them. It was only a very recent thing – in the last few months – that he'd begun to see his background as indicative of a failing on the part of those who should have protected him. He'd always felt used, threatened, put-upon, and damaged, but he'd taken it as his due in life and assumed those in power over him had behaved as he deserved.

When Kylo had stopped repeating the pattern; when Poe had offered him affection without a cost; when Hux had become secure in his own power and place … then he'd begun to see things differently.

"I have your memories," Poe told him as they continued to embrace, "but they're like mine. They're there – but only when I'm trying to think of something, remember something. Same for you?"

"Yes." Hux pulled back and pointed at the head of the bed. "Sit there." Poe could see in Hux's mind his intentions. He could also see Hux wasn't going to put into words that he wanted to sit in Poe's lap sideways like an overgrown child and have his head tucked against Poe's chest. Poe didn't ask him to. He sat where directed and welcomed Hux into his arms. Once arranged, Hux asked, "Do you see anything of my mother?"

Poe had one arm around Hux's shoulders supporting him. The other was on his opposite hip. Hux's butt was on the bed with Poe's legs parted around him. Poe tried to bring up memories, but he could also see layers of times Hux himself had tried to remember.

If there were memories, they were muddled with speculation, fantasies, and apprehensions. There was nothing beyond a few vague impressions. The most certain of which were a wooden spoon, the smell of baked bread, and the idea that people who loved him who would hold him if he asked for it. As he was asking for from Poe. Poe held him tighter.

He watched as Hux picked through memories of Poe's mother, Shara. She'd been athletic, energetic, and boisterous. Kes had always been the calmer and more easy-going of the two of them. She was bright and quick in Poe's memory, also pretty. The clearest memories were the ones Kes and others had reinforced after her death, when they'd called on Poe to remember what she'd taught him. Among other things, that the galaxy was a fundamentally good place with good people in it, if you just gave them a chance to show you.

"I want to stay here for a very long time," Hux murmured, curling against him. He rested a hand on Poe's chest, remembering when Poe had worn Shara's ring there on a chain. Now it was on Hux's finger.

Poe shifted a bit to get comfortable. "I'd like that, too." They sat together, basking in a sense of completion and a surety that they were there for one another.

After a while, Hux said, "When my father died and I was put in charge of his recruitment programs – slave harvesting – I challenged the preference for taking infants instead of younglings old enough to self-care and follow orders. It seemed inefficient to take them so young."

Poe stroked Hux's outer thigh and knee, listening. In Hux's mind were snippets of talking to a high-ranked technician, a doctor, about the subject. What he wasn't mentioning, although it was in his mind, was being disturbed by breaking up families no matter how voluntary the surrender of the children was.

Hux went on, "I was told, and shown data, that it was necessary to reduce the incidence of certain traumas. They were more likely to arise if the child was old enough to have formed bonds with their caregivers. Some older children would not bond anew with the Order, regardless of conditioning. If we took them younger, they were more impressionable. They would form attachments to whoever gave them consistent care."

Hux had been taken from his mother when he was five. He'd looked at the data. He'd looked at the effects of various ages. He'd inquired and educated himself on the symptoms and pathologies that resulted. He'd reviewed the efforts the doctor and those other experts on the subject in the Order had undertaken with the children to remove the dysfunctional traits. Where he could, he'd used those methods on himself.

Hux said, "I have arrested emotional development. I have done my best to overcome this, symptomatically, and I think I have done well, but … it is still there."

Poe tightened his grip, pulling Hux against him more firmly for a moment. "I love you. I'm not going to tell you that you don't have your issues – because you do and it might be really wrong but I think most of them are cute – but what you are doing is the most mature and rational process I've ever seen anyone work through. I want to be here with you for that process."

Hux sighed against him as Poe relaxed the embrace. "I just wanted you to know."

"I know." Poe shifted and added, "As long as we're talking about this stuff, I want to mention you hold yourself to impossible standards."

"That's one of the symptoms. It's a side effect of unrealistic expectations."

Poe blinked. "Oh."

Hux murmured against his chest, "An endless quest for approval. Never good enough. But you love me. I'm certain of it. So I finally have it – impossible or not."

Poe felt a flush of warmth spread through him, knowing profoundly what he did for Hux's soul. He had slain a demon when all others would have left Armitage Hux condemned to darkness. "Ohh," Poe crooned softly, "I approve of you. You're wonderful. You're such a good person. I never had any doubt of that. At least," he allowed, "once I got to know you a little. Do you have any idea how much I worshipped heroes and the idea of being one when I was growing up?"

"Since I have your memories, as a matter of fact, I do." Hux rubbed his forehead into Poe's neck where he was tucked against it. "I was the villain in those tales of heroism, or at least on their side – spitting vitriol at the idiotic Rebels."

Poe chuckled at the mental image – Hux had a distressingly accurate view of how he was seen by much of the galaxy. "Don't look at what I believed when I was a kid. That's no more me than you are who you were when you were part of Brendol's honor guard for those early negotiations with the slavers. A little more recent, one of those Skywalkers I looked up to taught me real heroes don't obsess over people seeing them as heroic. They just do what they have to do. That's  _exactly_  what you did."

Hux's mouth opened and hung there for a moment. He wanted to argue, but he knew Poe inside and out. The best Hux could managed was a half-hearted,"I don't deserve it."

"I think you do. I look at your life, and I see a real hero."

Hux tensed, then relaxed because he knew this was how Poe saw him. "Well … good." Hux chuckled, tickled that Poe thought so well of him even after he knew all the sordid bits. "I don't know what else to say?"

"You don't have to say anything." Poe smiled slyly. "I know this fits with your underhanded scheme of making me love you so I'll never leave you." He turned his head and nuzzled Hux's hair. Hux made a fist in Poe's shirt. Poe told him, "I see the real you and your scheme is working."

Hux sat up. "Your arm is sore."

Poe shrugged. He wasn't going to mention it, but yeah, they'd been in the same position too long for comfort. "You could turn the other way. I have two arms." He held up the other one to illustrate.

"No, I'm fine." Hux looked down at his hands thoughtfully. He'd pulled back so there was less mental sharing between them, but the memories were still there in Poe's head along with the sense of Hux's identity.

Poe looked at Hux's hands as well. Bare skin. Long, slender fingers. Touch was a complicated subject in Hux's past (and his present). Poe said, "I didn't understand what I was asking of you when I wanted you to leave your gloves off."

"It was a reasonable request. Most lovers enjoy touching one another." Hux moved back, taking the arm Poe had been supporting him with and rubbing it to loosen it up.

Solemnly, Poe said, "Thank you for allowing me to touch you."

"That's hardly something to thank me for. I enjoy it."

Poe nodded. "I know that. I see that. But I also see how hard you're working on this. Snoke maimed you." Hux paused in what he was doing, brows drawing together slightly. Poe went on, "He fried your nerves. I can see that because I'm not you and I'm looking at it as an outsider. You were sensitive to start with and he used that against you. He overloaded you until it didn't heal back right."

Hux remained still for several more beats, then he leaned forward to give a brief kiss. "We should do more of those desensitization exercises." He started massaging Poe's arm again.

"I agree."

"How much do you know … of my memories of Snoke? Everything, I presume?"

"As much as you do, as far as I can tell. I mean, it just comes to me as I think about it." Poe gestured at his head. "There's only so much I can think about. I have to  _actively_  think about it. Does that make sense?"

Hux chuckled dryly. "Yes, but largely because I sense the same. Can you speak of it? Of him?"

"Yeah. I'm just telling a story about someone else. I can tell it's different for you. For you, it's personal."

"Tell me … something. I don't know what. Anything. About him."

Poe grimaced and looked to the side, trying to think of what would be the hardest for Hux to put into words. "You were in the refresher when he did something to your mind, linked with you somehow so he could contact you easier in future. Or keep closer tabs on you. That was a … violation. You were traumatized. You thought about killing yourself over the next few weeks as it sunk in what he'd done to you and how he was going to use it. You thought you'd never be free of him."

Hux nodded and was silent, so Poe continued, "You later found the others Snoke did that to had breakdowns or just died. Veska was the first. She ended up on your staff. You took her in even though she had a lot of problems staying focused. Chenwin and Prebil died and someone else – Cathrack? - was catatonic for a while and not much better once he was conscious. You don't know what happened to him.

"Snoke was more careful with Fuseb," Poe said, skimming through elements of Hux's relationship with Snoke's chief of staff. "It all happened around the time when you became a general. You think your … survival of that had a lot to do with Snoke relying on you as an interface with the other Order leadership."

"Oh, I know it did," Hux said. Poe shrugged in response. Hux added, "The name might have been Cathrax."

Poe smiled wryly. "I know. That's why I'm not sure either. Because you don't know."

Hux conceded the point that they were now operating from the same basic pool of knowledge. "But you speak of all that so easily."

"I'm still upset it happened, but that's not the same as having it happen  _to_  you." The memories were saturated by buried emotional impact that Hux had never allowed himself to feel. Poe could see; every time Hux tried to access the memories in a genuine way, he had to cope with all the feelings about it he'd never acknowledged. If Hux was allowed to be clinical about it, managed in the course of his duty, then he could maintain his composure. Mostly … aside from being abrasive, snappish, tense, cold, and hard to deal with.

"You know what happened," Hux said soberly.

Poe nodded. His eyes watered. It had been awful – six years of a slow, miserable grind punctuated by unpredictable moments of terror and near-death, either his own or people Hux cared about but wouldn't admit he cared about. By the time Snoke was venting his anger about losing the Resistance ships over D'Qar, Hux was resigned to it enough to be stoic when assaulted on his own bridge, in front of his officers, by magical powers that could end him at will.

Kylo's initial behavior as supreme leader had been an extension of Snoke's. Poe found he now had no qualms about Hux making a show of asserting dominance over Kylo. There was a history there Poe had not previously been privy to. Likewise, he understood Hux's lack of enmity over it.

"You'll have to explain it to me someday," Hux said after the long pause.

Poe nodded again. "Anytime you want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who is looking for the details of Hux's history with Snoke will find it in the story Star Performer. More of the rivalry with Kylo Ren is in the story Knights of Ruin.


	75. Desensitization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Hux work through reclaiming Hux's body, trying to get past the twitchy responses to unfamiliar stimulation that Hux was left with after Snoke's abuse. Poe tests out a little 'unfamiliar stimulation' of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Desensitization' or exposure therapy is sometimes used in our reality as a rationale for nonconsensual stuff. That's not the manner it's used in a galaxy far, far away.

Poe started at the feet, picking up each long, narrow appendage in turn as Hux laid face down on the bed, naked. There was little about Hux's body that was hardened aside from his soul. Physically, his day-to-day life had been what most would call easy. That everyone in Poe's usual social circle mocked imperials and the Order for this only made them all the more attractive to Poe – transgressive eroticism and all that. Besides, his skin was soft and Poe loved touching it.

He laid a chaste kiss on each heel, stroking his somewhat more calloused hands over the skin firmly. He wasn't massaging, just touching. He set down the second foot and ran both hands up over Hux's calves. His legs were lightly haired, the muscles toned. The First Order spent even more of their time on their feet than the Empire had, walking everywhere, disdaining chairs. It made for nice, firm calves. Poe rested his hands briefly on the tender skin of the back of Hux's knees, then pulled them back to his ankles with fingers and thumbs pressing in lightly on either side. Hux made a faint, pleased sound.

Poe moved himself up the bed, closer to the rest of Hux's body. He started at the back of knees – delicate, hairless skin over tight tendon – and stroked upward along Hux's legs. The two previous times he'd done this, he'd stopped a hand's width short of Hux's buttocks. This time, Hux's direction had been, "Touch me everywhere." Slowing only slightly, Poe continued upward over the swell of buttock to about the middle of his ass. Hux shifted slightly. His shoulders tensed and jaw worked. Poe slowly released his held breath.

He wanted to linger, but after only a moment of pause, Poe slid his hands outward to the sides of the hips. A first time was not a time to push boundaries. Being with Armitage Hux had taught him much about how to work with someone, how to earn trust, and how to keep it. He was working on the long-haul here. They both were.

He stroked down the outside of the thighs back to the knee. Then over the joint to the inside of the knee. Again, he'd been limited before in how far up he went. This time, he went all the way in a steady sweep, his hands rotating to the back of the leg as he reached Hux's crack and then up to the end of that seam with hands on either side.

He was careful not to actually move Hux's flesh. He was just brushing the skin. It was so tempting to knead or to touch differently for his own benefit rather than Hux's. He did not. Hux gave another round of tensing and a huffing exhalation. One of these days, Poe hoped, he'd be welcome to casually pat him on this lovely, pert little rump.

Poe moved himself up to mid-back. This area had never been off-limits. Hux relaxed visibly as Poe touched every part of him with his hands. Here, he rubbed a little. Hux positively melted when Poe moved to his neck, shoulders, and then scalp. He didn't persist at these spots, though. His point here was helping Hux tolerate touch and retrain his response to human contact – not a full massage.

Poe stroked down his arms, pausing to wrap his hand lightly over Hux's, then leaned down to press his lips to the heel of each palm. Hux made a tiny sound of approval and twitched his fingers. On the second hand, Poe stopped in place so Hux could pet his face with his fingertips. When he lifted from the second hand, Hux rolled over.

Face-up now. Poe returned to the feet and repeated, going up the body. Hux had slender thighs and narrow hips, with golden curls around a penis that started skin-tone pale at the base and morphed into a delicate pink at the end. It was lying to one side at the moment. Poe watched what he was doing as his hands stroked upward over both hips. One hand intentionally grazed the tip of Hux's penis, eliciting a noise, a squirm, and a brief, uneasy lift of one foot. Hux clenched his fists and released them.

Poe stopped, watching the reactions and feeling the mild tension ripple through their bond and disperse. There was a lull of quiet frustration and self-recrimination from Hux. As that, too, faded, Poe continued, being careful to avoid touching pubic hair or penis further. When he shifted to Hux's abdomen and chest, obviously skipping further contact with the groin, Hux said, "You  _can_  touch me there. I said you could."

"Uh-huh," Poe agreed, moving on Hux's delightfully soft belly. He rubbed a thumb across Hux's innie belly button, noting Hux glanced down at the contact, but had no other reaction to it. Poe wondered if Hux would be okay with him kissing him there some other time. He moved his hands on to Hux's ribs. They were ticklish, Poe had realized, but Hux's reaction was to stiffen, not laugh or squirm.

"Why don't you?" Hux asked as Poe moved on to his upper chest.

"I have my reasons." Poe smirked at him, rolling each of Hux's bony shoulders in turn.

"And that reason is that if you don't," Hux said, "there will definitely be another time of this. Is that what you're thinking?"

Poe smirked at him again as he worked his way down one arm and then the other. "Do you really think I'm that smart?"

"I know you are. You're just as devious as I've always thought you Rebel scum were wont to be. Only now I know for sure."

Poe grinned bigger and let his hands fall to his lap. He was done. Hux sat up. He reached over and picked up one of Poe's hands. He held it before his chest, between his own hands. "Do you really feel I'm crippled?"

Poe blinked at him. "Uh …?"

"You called it 'maimed' earlier."

"Ah." He nodded in realization, getting the context. He dug through Hux's memory for association with the word. In the First Order, 'maimed' meant ruined. Standard protocol was medically-induced termination. Exceptions could be made, but they were rare. That was chilling.

It occurred to Poe that for all their military action, he'd never seen a member of the Order who wasn't able bodied – no prostheses, no optical lenses, no amputations, no physical disabilities. Even growth to the wrong size was considered problematic. Psychological trauma was easier to get a waiver for, as Hux had obtained for Veska, Lem, and a few others. But that was charity, not policy. Poe winced and said, "I shouldn't have used that word."

"Is it accurate?"

Poe wasn't reading Hux's mind, although he had a good grip on the man's emotional state. It was far too calm for Hux to believe Poe had meant he was unsalvageable. Poe answered, "Yes, sort of. He changed you. He took away your safety in your own body. How much you could trust your own nerves. How much you could tolerate sensations." Softer, he added, "That's all I meant. You're not … less."

"Hm. I am as I am." Hux lifted Poe's hand and regarded it. "Relax your hand."

"Okay."

Hux took Poe's hand and rested it palm down against his cheek. Poe's fingertips rested over one brow, palm against the bristled cheek, with the heel of his hand along Hux's jaw. His thumb ended up on Hux's nose. He lifted it off and tucked it alongside his index finger.

"No," Hux told him. He took Poe's thumb and put it back against his nose. "Relax your hand." Softer, he said, "Relax."

"Okay." Poe breathed out. The desire to move his fingers, to caress or stroke or touch actively, was so strong he shivered. But he kept his hand still and as much as he could manage it, relaxed.

Hux shut his eyes and molded the fingers as he wished them, flattening them to full contact across his skin. Poe felt lips move against his palm when Hux said, "It has occurred to me that I am not bothered by touching my own face." He took Poe's other hand and cupped the opposite cheek with it. "And so I thought I should not be bothered to touch my face with your hands."

"Is it working?" Poe asked quietly, humbled and moved at what Hux was trying to do for him. Hux could have, at any point, said, 'this is all I can do' or 'this is all I'm comfortable with.' But he wasn't satisfied by that. He was looking for loopholes, for ways to give Poe more.

"Yes."

Poe breathed out heavily again. His eyes burned with gratitude as he watched Hux move his hands over his face, turning his face back and forth, sliding them across his skin. He'd felt Hux's face a couple times before, but he wanted to do it more than he'd been able to so far.

Hux was drawing Poe's hands across every inch of him. "And you will know my face in the dark, Poe Dameron."

Poe smiled slowly. "You're so sweet," he said, projecting how much love he felt for his husband at that moment.

Hux opened his eyes, the movement of his lashes and eyelid delicate under one of Poe's fingers. Hux dragged the hand downward and to the middle of his face, letting Poe's palm pull down his lower lip as he did, leaving a trail of wetness that had Poe sucking in breath. The tip of Hux's tongue emerged for a second between two of Poe's fingers. "Your hands are clean?"

"Yes." They'd washed together before coming to bed, so Hux knew this. All Poe had done since then was run his hands over Hux's body. The question didn't have much to do with rationality, Poe decided. Hux needed reassurance. And he needed reassurance because …? Hux ran his tongue up one side and then the other of the V of Poe's fingers. Poe was instantly hard.

Hux rubbed the tip of his nose back and forth between Poe's fingers. He moved Poe's other hand to the side of his neck and tapped it a couple times. It wasn't a signal Poe knew, other than signaling he meant something special by it. Poe flexed his fingertips slightly on that hand, wondering if that was what Hux meant.

"Mm-hm," Hux hummed in affirmation. Hux's hand dropped away. Poe caressed Hux's neck and slid his fingers up behind Hux's ear. His thumb came in front, then he fondled the ear. Hux made a deep, pleased sigh.

"Move here," Hux said, moving the hand away from his face for a moment. He gestured with his other hand. "Your leg, here. No, here."

Poe moved as directed, ending up settled with one leg over Hux's lap and the other crooked behind and around Hux's butt. He returned his hand to Hux's neck as Hux brought Poe's other hand back to his face. Hux's free hand toyed with the band of Poe's pajamas. Poe murmured, "Oh, yeah, please." Then, as Hux sucked his thumb into his mouth, Poe said, "Oh, fuck! Yes."

Hux cupped him through the pajamas, pressing the outline of Poe's cock through the cloth. Poe scratched at the back of his neck, getting a shiver and a smile from his husband. Poe was still keeping his other hand relaxed, letting Hux hold it to his face and gently maul it. He pressed his teeth into the pad of Poe's thumb. Hux's other hand pushed down the elastic band of Poe's pajamas and began to stroke the base of his shaft.

The guy still didn't know how to do a proper hand job, which made sense when one considered the 'proper' hand jobs Hux had given to anyone, himself included, numbered less than ten.

Breathily, Poe said, "Hey. Keep your hand about where it is, up and down and a little pressure like you're doing. I'm going to use that Force ability for sensation on the top. Okay? Just on me."

Hux's motions slowed. He released Poe's thumb. His expression was wary. "For a blow job? As you mentioned before?"

"Uh-huh." Poe had tried it on himself once. It had been good but had limitations. Or maybe he just needed more practice. He watched as Hux nodded once, then went back to pleasuring his hand. Hux licked the webbing between Poe's thumb and forefinger, then nuzzled his palm.

Poe turned his attention to replicating the sensations he wanted to feel. It took a level of concentration, but it wasn't too different from fantasizing. Just instead of imagining what it would feel like, he actually had what felt like real sensations – a real mouth, hot and wet and soft, closing around him and sucking lightly to start with and harder as it continued. Hux's hand gripped the base of his cock, pumping slowly as everything else about the half-fantasy, half-reality spiraled upward, faster and tighter.

"Oh, fuck," Poe breathed. His toes were curling, as well as his fingers in Hux's hair. Hux turned his hand and bit the fleshy heel of his palm, apparently knowing he needed just a bit more stimulation to send him over. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Poe said. He curled forward, his forehead pressing to Hux's shoulder as he hung onto him, hips bucking unevenly. He lost concentration on the sensation of being fellated, but it didn't matter. He was past the point of no return. In the fog of impending orgasm, he realized something. "No, um, I'm- aim-"

Hux figured it out. Poe's spurts hit the headboard of the bed and not Hux's chest or Poe's. Poe pulled his other hand free from Hux's mouth to hug him, stroking his shoulders and upper back. He kissed Hux's neck and breathed him in. "You're so wonderful. You're so wonderful. I love you."

"That seemed quicker than usual," Hux noted – not that Poe had ever taken very long with Hux. "Is it better that way?"

"I don't know," Poe mumbled against Hux's neck. "It's always so good with you. You're so sexy. I love being with you so much."

"You want me so much," Hux purred. "I enjoy that. Your memories show me how important sensual pleasure is to you. This I can give you, regardless of my current limitations."

Pulling himself together, Poe leaned back a little to speak more clearly. "Listen, about that word, 'maiming', I didn't mean that in the way the Order meant it."

"I know. You wouldn't work with me on overcoming it if you didn't think it could be overcome." Hux brought them back together so he could rest his bristled cheek against Poe's. "You make me whole."

"You make me so happy," Poe said.

"That's terribly convenient," Hux murmured back, holding him close. "Might even be intentional."


	76. Found in Translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nera has decided to stay with the uneti tree instead of leaving with the knights. The group discusses how to deal with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next morning. Steel's point of view.

 

"Here I. This." Nera pointed at the ground with certainty. "No. You die making if you think. Not me,  _you_." She pointed at Steel.

"You're not going to kill me," Steel said, thoroughly unimpressed.

"You think! I no. I say." With that, she turned and stalked off until she swung herself up and into the tree. Steel sighed.

Kes walked over a little closer. "What's that about?"

Steel shook his head. "Just talking." He couldn't say the conversation was none of Kes' business, but he wasn't sure he wanted to tell him about it just yet.

"It perks my ears up when people start making death threats."

"She wasn't."

Hux said, "She said she'd make him think he was dead if he tried it. Not a death threat per se."

"Oh," Kes said. Steel nodded and then did a double-take at Hux, his mouth open slightly in unvoiced question. Kes went on, "Tried what?"

Again, Hux helpfully translated, "She wants to stay here. Or rather, she said she  _was_  staying here and she was the one who had a say in that, not him. She was rather more concise about it."

So much for keeping it secret. Steel snorted and guffawed a little. Kes and Hux both gave him a puzzled look. Steel said, "Do you even know you're doing it? I didn't when I first did and it was with her, too."

"Doing what?" Hux asked.

"Using the Force. Understanding her."

"She's not that unclear," Hux protested. "There's a pattern."

Kes glanced between the two of them. "No, that was indecipherable. Sometimes I get the gist of what she's saying, but not that time."

"It-" Hux cut himself off comically. His expression was one of consternation.

Steel walked off chuckling. "That's how it was for me, too."

"What's this about her staying here, anyway?" Kes asked, but Steel didn't answer him. He was heading over to where the other knights were assembled on the back porch. In the shade of the overhang, they were studying a starfield projection by BB-8 as they discussed their impending departure. This had been the reason Steel was sent to fetch Nera (that, and Nera had refused the mental request that she come take part in the decision about their future).

Obviously, Nera had already made her decision about  _her_  future. Steel had a whole freighter worth of reservations about it even if, at the base of it, it wasn't that bad an idea and he was proud of her for her independence. Behind him, Hux and Kes had a few exchanges, but Steel's attention switched to his friends, ahead.

"Is she coming?" Tark asked as he came into conversational range.

Steel shook his head. "She said she'd kill us if we tried to make her leave."

"Fff," said Tark, hissing derisively between his teeth. Caspire rolled her eyes. Rey sighed. Kylo grimaced. Poe didn't look to believe it either.

Steel took a seat on the ground just inside the shade. "The old man knows, too, now."

"My dad?" Poe asked.

Steel nodded. "Your husband has expanded on his telepathy so he can translate spoken words."

"What's that? Really?" Poe asked, the beginning of a delighted smile spreading over his face. "Is he okay with that? He's okay with that, right?"

"Yeah," Steel said warmly, "he's okay with that." He'd never seen Poe fuss so protectively over anyone, but Hux seemed to eat it up. Not exactly something Steel would have thought the great and mighty Grand Marshal of the First Order wanted in his life (going by the title alone, which was almost all Steel knew about him aside from what Poe had said), but according to Poe, it wasn't something Hux had gotten much of before meeting him.

People often projected the opposite of who they were inside. Just like Poe pretended to be a feel-good libertine, but was as conservative as any hard-liner once you got down to it. No wonder he loved Hux so much – there was no one in the Resistance tight-assed enough to suit him. At least, that was Steel's take on it.

"Great!" Poe finished his smile. "So, what, is she going to live here on Yavin IV? She's staying?"

Steel shrugged and looked back where Kes and Hux were standing near the trunk, looking up. Nera was on a branch above them talking. He tuned in on the conversation, throwing his Force-enhanced senses over that way.

Nera: _"No. Here."_

Hux: _"She means physically here, this spot. Possibly she means the tree? It's where she's been sleeping."_

Kes: _"She has?"_

Hux: _"Yes."_

Kes: _"What are you going to eat?"_

Boring conversation, which was a good thing. Although the more she repeated her intention the stay, the more fixed it would be in her mind. Steel turned his attention to the people near him.

"Would it be allowed?" Kylo asked quietly.

"Yeah, I suppose," Poe said. "There's paperwork and stuff. You're here as visitors, right?" Kylo nodded. Poe said, "No one's going to come out here and check, but if she plans to overstay whatever duration you guys put on the clearance forms, then she should apply for an extension or residency."

"Is that easy to get?" Steel asked.

"For her? Sure. She was part of the Resistance. I enrolled you guys months back. Except for Kylo, whatever identities the knights had in the First Order didn't translate. As far as the paper trail goes, you came into existence as Resistance members."

"Except for Kylo," Tark said. Poe wasn't explaining it well. He was also missing the nuance of Tark's question, which Steel caught. Poe might not have even recognized it  _as_  a question.

Poe added, "I didn't enroll you or Caspire, though. I didn't know you two. I would suppose you're still off the books."

"Nice to know," Tark said. Mentally, he said to Steel,  _What's all this about? I thought Kylo was part of the Resistance?_

_Yeah, he was. Is. Whatever. But for his mother's funeral on Naboo, he came out as Ben Solo._

_Yeah, I knew that,_ Tark thought.  _Oh, you mean that's all public and stuff – Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader, and now Resistance member._

 _The Resistance is disbanded. So … 'galactic citizen',_  Steel ended with a note of mental humor.

_Me and Caspire are still black files._

Steel shrugged mentally. _It has advantages. You want to do something about it?_

_Nah. We'll just mind trick anyone who gets in our way. Besides, no past worth claiming. Probably the same for Casp, but I'll talk to her about it later. She's communing with Kylo at the moment._

Apparently she was done, as she said out loud, "Nera wants to stay right here. With that tree. In it."

"What, on my dad's land?"

"The tree is a sentient being," she said. "Does he think he owns it?" There was a dispute under the surface of that question. What Kes (and Poe) regarded as theirs didn't matter a dribble squat when it came to the Force or creatures sensitive to it. As had been made clear throughout Steel's life, the Force was power and power allowed you to take whatever you wanted. Which was part of why he was so resentful about being such a provisional member of the club.

"Well, uh …" Poe looked out at the koyo grove, then in the direction of the chicken shed, "I think it's more like … he's here. This is where he lives. Not that everything and everyone here belongs to him. That's not how it is."

"It might work," Caspire said to the others. That was approval. Caspire's endorsement was enough to free Steel to start voicing his concerns to make sure the others had considered them.

"Is it safe to leave her here?" Steel waved off-handedly at Poe. "Not because of your dad, but just in general. Force-user out here alone? Even if the First Order stuff isn't on the books, it could get out. It's not an unreasonable assumption that someone with a shady, hidden past came from there." Nera was powerful, but that didn't mean she couldn't be taken.

"She'd be here with my dad," Poe said. "Not alone. And with me and Hux for now. We can stick around longer if you think we need to."

"The tree is here as well," Caspire said. "It is a guardian spirit."

"She's not going to be  _here_  all the time," Steel pointed out. "We can't assume that. What if she goes in town?"

Rey piped up. "Steel, she's old enough do things on her own. I grew up in a much rougher place than this. It's dangerous, but she won't be entirely alone."

"He's our very own rancor herd mother," Tark said with a smile. "He'll worry no matter what."

Steel ignored the teasing. He wasn't keen on leaving anyone behind unless they would be as safe as they would be with them. "She doesn't  _have_ to stay here. She could come with us for now and come back later. The tree's not going anywhere."

"Do you really want another Tonza?" Tark asked.

"Kriffing Tonza!" Steel said, exasperated. But he had a point. Taking Tonza from the ruins of the Jedi Temple had created a sullen anger in her that had metastasized to hatred of all of them. And Tonza had been far younger and less sensible when that had happened than Nera was now.

"She  _wants_  to stay here," Rey said. "She gets to decide that."

"Yes," Caspire agreed.

"I didn't say she didn't," Steel said. "People always kriffing disagree with me. It's frustrating! I'm trying to have a discussion about this and you guys have already made up your minds!"

"You're the one disagreeing with everyone else!" Tark laughed, stretching out on the lawn chair and yawning.

"He's right," Poe said. "You've even said disagreeing with people is your thing."

As he'd said – they'd already made up their minds. "My life is just one big frustration," Steel said, but he was matter-of-fact, not bitter. He was okay with it, really, but he'd wanted to be reassured that the more powerful members of the group knew what they were doing. He was … mostly reassured.

With the early onset of her extensive mental powers, Nera had spent her childhood keenly aware that those she forced to stay with her were terrified of her. She craved someone willing and able to take the appropriate role of a parent. Luke had refused it, being a mentor only. By the time they were with Snoke, she'd been entering puberty. He took advantage of that. In his death, she'd attached herself to Kylo and Rey, but they were not the steady, guiding presence she wanted. Maybe the tree was, if it truly was a guardian spirit as Casp said.

"If it doesn't work out," Steel said, "she can always come join us."

Caspire nodded to him. "Which is not something she'll do if we try to  _make_  her come with us."

"They're coming over here," Kylo warned.

Steel glanced back. It was only Hux and Kes. Nera had stayed with the tree. If Nera had made her decision and the rest of them were going to honor it, then the next step was making sure Kes was able to handle having her here.


	77. Dubious Consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kes and Hux encounter communications and cultural differences in trying to talk to Nera about her new living arrangements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline-wise, this overlaps with the previous chapter. Hux's point of view.
> 
> Non-warning: Although the title of this chapter is a phrase that usually refers to sex, there is no sexual content or violation here.

 

Kes looked up in the branches. To Hux, he said, "Come here," and walked over to the trunk. "I might need you to translate." His casual assumption that Hux could do that was interesting. Hux followed, craning his neck to look up where Kes' eyes were fixed like he saw something. Try as he might, for Hux it was just unvariegated vegetation. Kes called up, "Nera?"

She dropped out of the spot Kes had been looking at, landing lightly on the lowest, thickest branch above them. Hux swayed back at the motion. Kes did not. A memory surfaced of Kes trying to teach Poe how to track woolamanders through the swamps. They were a tree-dwelling primate native to Yavin IV. He had to assume Poe experienced the same occasional, unsolicited memories as a feature of the completed bond. His life was truly shared now. It was both scary and soothing.

Kes asked Nera, "Are you intending to stay here after the others leave on the  _Falcon_?"

"Yes."

"Where you going to sleep?"

"Here."

"In my house?"

"No. Here."

It was weird – she was speaking Basic with clearly enunciated words, but Hux still caught a nuance beyond what she'd said. "She means physically here, this spot. Possibly she means the tree? It's where she's been sleeping."

"She has?" Kes asked him.

"Yes," Hux answered. He knew that not from her language, but from meditating that previous night and hearing her emerge from the trunk.

Kes looked back up at her. "What are you going to eat?"

"Not hungry."

"No, I mean later. Eventually. Have you thought about how you'll make do?"

Nera looked at Kes intently for a moment, then at Hux.

Tentatively, he opened his mouth to say, 'How will you get the things you need to survive day-to-day?', but what came out was different. He wasn't even sure  _what_  came out. Kes gave him an odd look.

As though unfamiliar with the word, Nera said, "Mon-ney. Mine. Buy tell else get take."

'Stealing things is not allowed,' Hux tried to convey.

"Buy tell send then. Others or not."

He didn't know what he was saying, but he knew what he was trying to say. Feeling weird about the exchange, Hux turned to Kes. "Did any of that make sense?"

Kes gave him a small smile. "How about you translate it just in case?"

"Yes, she has money," Hux confirmed. "She'll buy things or send someone else to buy them for her. I assume she presumes you're willing to do this, but there's a broad hint that she'll use her Force powers to tell people to give her things. I told her stealing wasn't allowed. She can't just take what she wants."

"Huh. Kay." Kes looked up and crossed his arms. "This is my place. You need to ask, not 'tell'."

"Ask." It wasn't a question. It was more like, 'Me, ask you? No.'

"Yes," Hux said, irritated by her presumption enough to speak out of turn. "You ask instead of telling people using the Force. I know you haven't followed orders to limit your Force use in the past, but here and now you  _must_  obey."

"No Force?," she said dismissively. "Stupid. All Force everywhere. No you say not. It here. I have Force. You. Not him. You can't allow not allow."

She was talking past him, addressing a point he wasn't making. He brought it back to the important part: "'I do what I want and you can't stop me' is not reassuring for someone who intends to coexist with people I have an interest in."

"It true!"

"Then why aren't you doing it now? I know you're not or else you wouldn't be making small mistakes in understanding, like saying you're not hungry when Kes asked you how you'd eat. If the only thing restraining you from abusing people is Kylo Ren's presence, then I will see to it you leave with him."

Kes laid a hand on Hux's forearm. "That's a little strong." Up to her, he said, "I just want to talk about things. We'll be a lot better neighbors if we understand what one another needs here."

"I here!" she said with determination. Nera climbed further up into the branches. The conversation was over.

Kes looked at Hux. "You know, they say if there's something you're dead set against in your life, then your kid will either turn out to be that, or marry someone else who is."

"The First Order?"

Kes shook his head. "Dark side. Looks like I've got one in my backyard as well as a son-in-law."

"And what do you plan to do about that?" Hux asked cautiously. He didn't expect anything too negative – if Kes were dangerous to him, he wouldn't have taken his side when the Knights of Ren tried and failed to work themselves up to trying to pull information out of his head.

Kes shrugged. "Re-examine my values. I never had to before this last year. When Poe left home years back, he went off and did exactly what every father would want their son to do, aside from the, you know, personal stuff. Which wasn't my business anyway. He's brave, principled. He knows right from wrong and he's not afraid to do what needs to be done."

"You raised a son who is exceptionally open-minded. I don't think that was an accident. You have much in common with him. As I have before, I thank you for it. It is more than I ever expected to find in … anyone. Much less both of you." Hux swallowed and looked away.

Kes reached to pat him on the shoulder. "This okay?" Hux nodded, but didn't look back. Kes patted him. "I-" he started, then continued, "I was taught these things were voluntary choices. Pledges people made to the dark side so they could get power, aggrandize themselves, bully others, and oppress people."

Kes sighed. His hand dropped back to his side. "I don't know if there's some truth to that, or if I've only heard about the ones who went that way." Kes gestured upward. Hux followed the motion. "But she was a kid when she got dragged into that, as far as I can tell. Maybe it's given her some bad habits and predilections we should talk about."

Still looking up, Hux made a noncommittal sound. He was thinking about Ren's quick shift in morals following Snoke's death. He'd become someone Hux respected within a week, but as far as Hux knew, there had been no outside pressure making him do that. So why had he? Nera's behavior was closer to what Hux was familiar with – she did what she could get away with.

"And you?" Kes said, continuing the conversation when Hux didn't speak. "Yeah, you were looking for power but it doesn't sound like anything different from me practicing my aim with a blaster. Sure, I want to be able to hit what I'm aiming at. It doesn't mean I want to be a murderer."

Hux turned to watch him now. It was a good question: what about himself? Or even Kes? Were they better people because there were those in their lives holding them accountable? Hux attributed his own change of heart to Poe giving him an opportunity. Did the same logic explain Ren, having become supreme leader and under so much outside scrutiny that he reformed himself? Or maybe Ren's turn had something to do with Rey? What similar thing could they do to make Nera safe to be around?

Kes said, "Yavin has always had a strong streak of letting people be if they weren't hurting others. That's why Shara and I settled here. We didn't want anyone telling us how to live. Probably the same thing you and Nera want."

Well … no. Hux was thinking maybe what Nera needed was someone telling her how to live. Showing her. A lot of his own behavior he modeled directly off Poe. But he didn't say that. He worried that his conclusion had ended up the opposite of Kes', but on the other hand, had Kes ever lived his life surrounded by abusers and bad role models? Poe hadn't, and Poe still said he was surprised at how much a product of his background Hux was – as though that were not perfectly obvious to any intelligent being.

For now, Kes looked at him as though expecting a response. Hux just looked back at him blankly, not sure if Kes was interested or willing to hear his thoughts, since they came from such different worlds. Kes asked, "Are we having a good talk here? I can't tell."

"Yes? I'm listening. I'm listening to every word you say." Tension moved through him with a spike of old fear. Had he appeared inattentive? Kes wasn't Brendol, but he wasn't some older officer of the Order that Hux could ignore if it suited him. Did all fathers demand attention? He certainly didn't want to admit he disagreed with Kes' take on the situation.

Hux fretted over his behavior, realizing it was probably more basic, as Kes had remarked he didn't like the one-word (or no word) answers. He'd gone too long without offering something substantive and possibly personal to balance out the conversation. Or maybe he should have asked a question, one that repeated something Kes had said (thereby proving his attention) and asked for elaboration (thereby showing interest)?

"Okay." Kes nodded, appearing satisfied with the answer. "Come on then. Let's go talk to the others."

They walked over to the back porch, with Hux worrying over what he should have said the whole way there. The star field the group had been looking at earlier was gone. Poe was talking to BB-8 in a low voice. The rest were quiet. Ren stood at their approach, but didn't say anything.

Kes asked, "Is Nera planning on staying here?"

Ren spoke formally. "Nera would like to remain here and continue her studies in the Force in collaboration with the uneti tree. On her behalf, I ask permission for her to do this."

Kes looked back in the direction of the tree, then at Ren. "Has she ever been out anywhere on her own?"

Ren's mouth worked and he glanced at Steel and Caspire before turning back to Kes. "Not exactly."

"I'd love to say this is my place and no one gets to move in without my permission … but that's not the way things are. And it really never has been that way." He looked over at Caspire. "I saw you and the others out next to the woods the other day talking to the lope-deer and the velderats. You were talking to them, right?"

She nodded.

"I already share the place with all kinds," Kes said. "It might be nice to have someone here to look after things if I go into politics. But she needs to talk to me like an adult, or hell, even like I'm a lope-deer, and not avoid me like she's a headstrong teenager already tired of hearing what I have to say." He waved at Poe. "I've had that before. I recognize the pattern."

They looked around at each other and were quiet other than Steel snorting. Kes glanced back at Hux with an inquisitive look as the silence stretched on longer than it should have. Hux decided that his assigned role as translator included interpretation, so he said, "He's waiting for your permission. They're all waiting for it."

"What?"

"Kylo Ren is waiting for your permission for one of his Knights of Ren, Nera, to stay on your property. Otherwise, they …" Hux glanced past Kes at the knights. "I don't know what will happen."

"I did. I gave it."

"No, you did not. It was a formal request. It requires a formal answer." In the background, Poe covered his mouth to hide his grin. Ren might have disdained First Order protocols for the first several years he was associated with the Order, but by the end of it, he'd learned to toe the line when it suited him. From Poe's memories of dealing with the man, it seemed Ren fell back on the structure when under stress or in uncomfortable social settings. Like now.

Kes' brows rose slightly. He turned back, squared up in a military fashion, and said, "Yes, permission granted."

"Thank you," Ren responded.

The others relaxed slightly. Steel huffed. "Well, that settles that."

"I still need to talk with her," Kes said. "She said she has money. Does she have enough?"

"Uh-huh," Steel said.

Poe caught his dad's eye and nodded. Hux nodded as well when Kes looked his way, although he was merely backing up Poe's assessment. At one point, Nera had had enough money to set herself up anywhere so long as her tastes weren't excessive. That had been Hux's intention in calculating the amount given as severance. But he had no idea what she'd done with it in the meantime. Poe did, though, and he accepted Poe's judgment without rifling through memories to make his own.

Kes turned back to the others. "Alright. I need to have another talk with her, then." Kes started forward toward the house. Hux followed, not having been given other orders, and aside from moments of anxiety, finding this as fascinating as any case study on child psychology. He didn't want to reprogram her into a stormtrooper, but she did need reprogramming. Just like he did.

Inside, Kes dug through his pantry until he produced some crackers, grumbling about not stocking sweets and the ice cream being gone. He turned to Hux and said, "Get some of that nut honey and heat it up in a little bowl." Kes put together a plate of crackers as he gave directions for Hux to operate the cooking unit. "She can dip these."

Hux eyed the melting nut honey and said, "Most of the food here requires mixing at the table rather than being served ready to eat. Is that a custom peculiar to Yavin or is it galactic?" He knew the various meals he'd been served during diplomatic functions represented only a tiny slice of galactic eating habits.

Kes took the bowl of nut honey from him and put it on the plate with the crackers. "I've seen it other places, but it's big here on Yavin." He added in the tone of an important quote: "Food that is not messed with doesn't taste right."

Hux accompanied Kes as they left, walking past Poe and the knights, who were back in discussion. Hux told him, "Sounds inefficient. Wouldn't it work better to serve people what they are to eat?"

"And not get to fix it just right for yourself?" Kes shook his head. "That's not the way we do it here."

"Hm. What are we doing here? You mentioned this was for her. She said she wasn't hungry."

"It's a peace offering."

"Ah." He understood that.

"Also, bait. She walked off on me before. Obviously, I need to sweeten the deal. Maybe literally."

Hux nodded as they reached the picnic table. He understood that part even more, though he wasn't sure how effective it would be on someone lacking appetite. Kes put down the plate and strolled around under the tree, gazing upward. It didn't take him long to stop with his eyes fixed on a single spot. "Nera? Can you come down? I'd like to talk about you staying here."

A few seconds later, she landed. They both came back to the table, where Hux was waiting. He took a seat at the far end of the table, leaving Kes and Nera to sit closer to the other end, across from one another.

Kes nudged the plate forward. "Have a snack." She took a cracker and ate it plain, looking at the bowl of dip. Hux suppressed a smile. While the Knights of Ren hadn't eaten in the mess hall with officers or troopers, and they may have had a more varied or customized diet than the rest of the Order, he strongly suspected the basic format had been the same – a tray of ready-to-eat foods that required a single utensil and no mixing. This constituted the most recent third of her life.

Kes spoke. "I want to start this by saying I'm okay with you staying here. But if you've never stayed anywhere except on what amounts to a military assignment, then there are things we should talk about, together, you and I." He gestured at the plate. "Basic stuff, like meals, schedules, shelter, laundry, privacy, and so on."

 _Force use_ , Hux thought, but he wasn't going to interject. It seemed he might have anyway with the way her eyes made a jaunt over to him before returning to Kes. She ate another plain cracker.

"Try the nut honey," Kes suggested. "It's good."

She looked at him, then at the bowl, and swiped her finger through it. She stuck her finger in her mouth and sucked it clean. Kes' face pinched up. Hux did his best to keep his expression immobile, which considering the practice he had at it, he doubted Kes saw anything telling when he glanced his way.

Kes gave him a narrow-eyed look of suspicious amusement. "You imperial slop-sucker. I know what you're doing over there."

Hux said nothing. Kes certainly had his attention. 'Imperial slop-sucker'? His emotions churned. He could feel Poe's mental presence strengthen, but nothing specific from him.

Kes said, "You're laughing at me behind that face. Aren't you?"

Finally, a question. Though not one Hux wanted to answer. "That would be disrespectful."

"You respect me?" The words came out off-handedly as a joke, but then Kes' expression shifted in realization. His face softened as he looked at Hux. "That's … oh." He smiled and looked down at the picnic table. Nera stuck her finger in the nut honey again.

Kes chuckled to himself quietly and looked up. "Okay. Help me out here, son. Because you can't convince me you didn't see that coming."

'Son'? "I … I did." Hux was still wearing a serious expression as he tried to compartmentalize his feelings about that word. Brendol had always called him 'boy' or Armitage. He had a lot of unpacked baggage concerning what he was called. He pushed that aside and turned to Nera. "You do as he says or you'll be evicted. It's as simple as that."

Kes shook his head. "No, no. I-"

But Nera interrupted, speaking angrily to Hux. "No evict of me! Not leaving. Going if anyone him, but I say stay, he stay!"

"No, stop it. Just hold-"

"That's my point," Hux said. "You aren't in charge here, Force abilities or-"

Kes turned his focus entirely on Hux. He didn't raise his voice, but the tone changed. "I said  _stop_." That was an order. Hux stopped.

 _What's going on over there?_  Poe asked mentally.

_Shush._

"No evict-"

Kes turned to her, waving his hands back and forth in negation. "Stop. Stop. Let me talk. My mistake." He paused.

Hux was saying nothing. He could feel Poe picking around his consciousness, so he showed him what was going on around him, hoping Poe would stop distracting him.

 _How are you doing this?_  Poe marveled, taking in everything Hux was sensing at that moment.

 _Be quiet. I'm busy._  If Poe cared, he could dig through Hux's memories of the many times he'd done this for Snoke or even once for Ren. Hux didn't have time to walk him through it.

 _Okay._  Poe was quiet. In a corner of Hux's mind, he was grateful Poe was so easy-going. It was such a balm.

Nera was holding her tongue as well. Kes said, "We all want the same thing here. All three of us. We want happy lives, freedom to do what we want, and not having someone around lording it over us." He looked to Nera. "I'm not going to evict you."

"You could not," she said in a rare instance of grammatic correctness.

"We're not going to find out. Because we're going to talk through things. That's what we're doing here now. It's real easy for communications to break down." He picked up a cracker. "Like this. This is how I expected you to eat these." He dipped the cracker into the nut honey, then offered it to her. She frowned and took it. "But I didn't explain it first, so how would you know?"

"Kylo Poe bad advice rule Force use me."

 _Wow, that makes sense to you,_  Poe observed.

Kes looked to Hux, who said, "She believes Kylo and Poe's rule forbidding Force use on you was a bad idea."

"I seem to remember that if I gave my permission, then it was okay."

Poe worried. Hux wasn't sure what abilities she had, then he remembered that Poe knew. After a moment of checking Poe's memories, Hux worried as well. She had all the horrifying, mind-warping abilities Snoke did and a history of using them on people, sometimes in ways Poe deemed inappropriate.

"Go ahead," Kes said.

"You don't know what you're inviting," Hux said in a low voice, through clenched teeth.

"No, I don't." Kes turned to her. "What are you going to do?"

"This," she said.


	78. A Stand Up Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gets triggered and turns into a spastic zombie bent on kicking Nera's ass. Nera exercises good judgment and nopes the hell out of there. Refusing to fight is often the only way to win.

Hux tensed. That was not how you did something to someone – just springing it on them without an explanation. It wasn't how Poe had shown him things. It wasn't how Poe had gotten him used to things. The few times Poe had launched something like this at him by surprise, Hux had lashed out. After a moment of terrified paralysis, that was exactly what he did. At Nera. "NO!"

He wasn't carrying his blaster. She was too far away for him to get with his knife. But he had the Force, somewhat, and he tried to do to her the same thing he'd done to Poe – concentrate the power into a lash of pain and suffering, then strike her to the core with it.

Nera jerked back, giving him a look of alarm instead of pain. If it had hurt her, there was no sign, but she'd certainly noticed. She twitched a hand at him, or maybe the gesture was broader than that. He didn't get to see much of it before he was in space, floating unmoored in vacuum.

Stars twinkled in the distance. He wasn't sure how he was breathing or if he was. He couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything. Maybe he was dead.  _What?_ Hux tried to move his body, but there was nothing there – no sensation, not even a numbness.

 _Whoa, what are you seeing? Wild._  That was Poe's mental voice.

 _What? Poe? Where am I?_ Panic ripped through him. Had she killed him? He had nothing – no vision, no sight, no proprioception, no sound except his own thoughts. And Poe's. There was that, at least.

_You're still there. It's okay. I'm with you. I can still see through your senses by the way, but I can tell you can't. That's bizarre._

_Let me see!_ Hux demanded.

Poe shared his perceptions. It was an oddly recursive thing – Poe seeing through Hux's eyes and Hux having to read Poe's mind to see what his own body was seeing. At the moment, it wasn't 'seeing' much. His body, cut off from consciousness, had slumped over on the picnic table. Glazed, unfocused eyes stared at his forearm.

_She cut me off from my own body! But … can you move me?_

_What? With telekinesis?_

_No. You can feel my body. Can you make it move? Like this …_ He knew where all the nerve endings were. Snoke had made him painfully aware of them. It was a short step from making them feel things to making them do things. Carefully, navigating himself through Poe's intermediation, he flexed muscles, picked himself up, and stood. It felt like he was operating himself as a puppet, but it worked. Poe stayed still and quiet, trying not to interfere.

The shocked expression on Nera's face was immensely gratifying to see as Hux shrugged off the effect of her ability. "How?" she said falteringly. Across from her, Kes was staring off into nowhere, face slack.

"You will release him!" The words came out slurred and uneven, possibly unintelligible. Hux started clumsily around the table, moving awkwardly and overcompensating, but he stayed upright. He must have looked like someone suffering spasms, a cross between herky-jerky and drunk. He reached for his knife, certain he wasn't coordinated enough to use it, but maybe she didn't know that.

 _Kylo-!_  Poe said, or thought. There was a pressure in Hux's head and a distraction, like static.  _Things are about to get complicated_ , Poe told him. He gathered that the knights were reacting to the disturbance between himself and Nera, one of their own.

Other realities projected into Hux's mind as Nera tried again to suborn his awareness. The fantasies were flimsy and obviously false when viewed from Poe's secure grounding in reality (and the insulation that Nera wasn't trying to effect  _Poe's_  mind; she wasn't even aware Poe was there). Hux ignored the visions and drew his knife. Or at least, he drew it halfway. His body froze and no matter what he told it to do, or how, it didn't continue.

Thoroughly spooked, Nera gave up on trying to use her powers on him and simply fled when he paused. She raced off as fast as her long limbs could carry her. She leapt into the branches. Hux found himself directly experiencing his body and environment again.

"Whoa," Kes said, snapping back to reality himself.

 _What's wrong with me?_  Hux struggled, panic beginning to grip him again. He knew what was going on around him without the workaround of Poe's mind, but he was held tight by the Force regardless.

Poe's voice sounded in his head, being indiscriminate in broadcasting:  _Let him go. Kylo, this is important. Please. Let him go._  Despite the 'please', Poe's mental voice came across as a command. It was odd to hear Poe giving orders to Ren, but it wasn't the first time it had happened in Hux's presence – the other had been in regard to abilities and Poe's father.

The frozen feeling in his limbs vanished. Hux finished pulling the knife. Useless as it was now, it still felt good to hold it. His heart was pounding. Sweat stood out on his brow. He was shaking. He tightened his grip on the handle of the weapon and turned to face the advancing knights.

"What are you doing?" Kes asked, but the question was lost in bustle of the Knights of Ren coming up near the picnic table. They stopped several long paces away, eyeing Hux warily. The atmosphere was momentarily charged with tension. It diffused a moment later with a feeling of safety, security, and comfort.

 _Sunlight on leaves_ , the tree said to all of them. Or something like that. If he had to translate it, the meaning was 'Be calm. Grow. Life is good. There is enough.'

 _Oh,_  Hux told it sarcastically,  _Now you have something to say? A little late._

 _Yes. We all grow. Your roots tighten around the rocks. You find your foundation._  He wasn't sure if it was speaking in his mind in Basic, if he was interpreting it subconsciously, or if one or both of them were using some Force ability to translate. Like Nera, the tree's mental voice made sense to him. The 'how' was unimportant at the moment.

Hux straightened as he looked over at Ren. Poe was bringing up the rear with BB-8 trundling along with him. Poe's hands were empty – basically unarmed. The odds were bad. If this came to a serious confrontation, they'd lose. Hux stood taller and fixed his eyes on Kylo Ren. "It is as you said," Hux told him with a sneer. "Were Snoke to rise before me in the flesh, I would fight." He rolled his wrist slowly, a threatening gesture whose intention was lost on no one present.

Ren looked in the direction Nera had gone, then back. "You have no enemies here."

Steel wandered on past the group, heading to the trunk of the tree to see Nera. Rey went with him. Hux let some of the tree's continuing peaceful pressure seep into him. Caspire looked serious, but undisturbed. Tark was hanging back a little where he could see Poe. Poe was watching quietly from about two paces behind Ren and Caspire. Kes was still seated.

Ren smiled slightly, almost a smirk. "You defeated her. How did you do that?"

Hux sheathed the knife carefully, mindful that his hands were trembling.  _Don't tell him,_  he thought to Poe. He suspected it was something that could only be done with a Force bond.

_Not gonna._

"Long practice with Snoke," Hux said stiffly.  _What a difference it makes to have you with me_ , he thought to Poe. Hux blinked a few times because his eyes burned and he didn't want to kriffing  _cry_  in front of people. He'd just faced someone down who was using the Force, and  _won_. He wasn't jubilant. He was so relieved he was still shaking. He wanted to go climb in Poe's arms like a child. Instead, he tried to keep himself together. He looked to Kes. "Are you alright?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so. What happened? 'Defeated' her?"

"Don't let people use the Force on you without a thorough understanding of what it is they're going to do and … an ability to stop them."

Kes made a show of picking up a cracker. "I said it was okay. You heard that, right? Was it not formal enough?" He was half sarcastic, half genuinely asking.

"And you also said you didn't know what you were consenting to. Find out next time!" There was an irritated bite to Hux's voice. He shouldn't be talking to Kes like that – the man had called him on his tone just a few days before. But the words were out.

Poe came up next to his father and put a hand on his shoulder. "Dad. He's worried for you. He was erring on the side of keeping you safe."

Ren said, "He  _was_  safe. She wouldn't have hurt him."

"How do  _we_  know that?" Hux snapped.

"It's my responsibility," Ren said.

Hux grunted and accepted that, acknowledging also that he insulted Ren to imply he didn't have adequate control of his people. He backed down as gracefully as he could. "Very well. I stand corrected. It was an overreaction."

Ren nodded and walked off to the trunk of the tree. Nera was on the branch above, legs hanging down. Her posture was relaxed. Below her were Steel and Rey, probably talking to her but Hux couldn't hear what they were saying.

He moved to Poe's side. The tree was trying to urge him to serenity, but it wasn't that easy. He'd had his body yanked away from him and he was still reeling from getting it back through his own efforts. And Poe's, but it definitely wasn't something Nera had allowed. This was bigger than the time he'd kicked Ren and Rey out of his head.

"How  _did_  you do that?" Caspire asked.

Hux shook his head and ignored her. He stroked the back of Poe's hand and avoided Poe's attempt to take his hand in response. Hux just wanted to pet it and touch him.

Kes looked up at Hux with a smile. "What were you going to do there, bud? Go put a knife in her?"

"If necessary."

"You're a serious guy," Kes told him. It was a compliment. And a signal that his reprimand about not inviting unknown Force powers would go without censure.

"Your free will is a serious matter to me."

 _I'm going to hold you,_ Poe told him and slid his arm around Hux's waist, drawing them close side-by-side. Hux stiffened without intending to. Poe soothed,  _It's okay. Let me do this, alright?_  Hux answered by relaxing himself. It wasn't an overt display like hugging him. It wasn't even something he'd thought about as a possibility, but now that it was happening, he liked it. He put his arm around Poe's shoulders so it didn't look one-sided. He leaned on Poe a little, appreciating the firm hand at his hip.

"Huh. Okay then," Kes said. "I know I lost some time there. You went from sitting over there to being there. And she was gone." Kes gestured to where Hux had been standing when Nera ran for it. "Next time we'll go over things a little more before jumping into them."

"That would be wise."


	79. Ethics of Mental Abilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux explores whether he can trust someone with vast powers not to abuse them. Also, things between him and Nera smooth over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nera's phobia of insects first came up in the chapter "Downplanet" of Pacification. On my first pass of writing this chapter, I had Nera's lines in plain English. Then I swapped them to Nera-speak. In most places, I still know what she's saying … but not all of them.

"You brain dead!" Nera told him as she came back over to the table. Steel and Rey walked behind her. Kylo had stayed back, leaning against the tree trunk.

"I am not," Hux responded. He knew what she was saying but he couldn't tell if she was insulting him or stating a fact as she'd perceived it. Since the Force translation had previously caught such nuance, he suspected she meant both. Next to him, Poe coughed to poorly conceal a laugh. Name-calling. They had descended to juvenile name-calling. But it wasn't a threat and she seemed in good humor about it. So there was that.

"You were. You were like bug! Move, no thought! Corphusant!"

"I resisted your attempt to control me," he said stiffly. "Something I shouldn't have had to do in the first place."

She retook her seat at the picnic table like nothing important had happened. "You sent pain," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Hux stood at the head of the table, about an arm's length from her. He wasn't sure where he stood in this whole thing. The chain of command was hopelessly snarled, so Hux continued boldly as though he were in charge. "You were using your abilities on him knowing full well he didn't understand what you were about to do."

"I show, future,  _show_  him."

"After. Your explanations of what you intend to do to someone will come  _before_  you do it from now on. Not after."

She frowned and picked up a cracker, dipping it and giving him a surly look. "He know and not know. Maybe already. It is not me knowing."

"Then you will explain. Each and every time."

She looked at Kes, dissatisfied. Kes had been sitting there quietly, watching and listening. He spoke up. "I don't know much about how you might use the Force. He does." He tipped his head toward Hux. "And I trust him. So I'm going to listen to him. It won't take long to talk me through it. I look forward to learning."

"Force-nulls not need know," she said, being an equal-opportunist insulter today.

Kes said, "I'm not 'Force-null'. No one is."

She shot him a sour look.

"The Force is in all of us," Kes said. "The Church of the Force teaches that the Force moves through all life. It's only a very few who are able to consciously use it. The rest of us are used by it."

"Truth," she admitted.

When she didn't continue, Kes said, "I can go first, if you want, on this 'explaining stuff' business. I know what I saw, earlier. We were in a room on a ship. You were in a uniform. We were both in uniforms. You were going to show me something with a holoprojector. It felt like a dream."

"Yes." But she turned to Steel and spoke to him rapid-fire, "How tell no mind for him? Dream does not have words!"

"I can translate," Hux said.

"No words!" she said to Hux. "Only mind, think-thought."

Poe wandered over to retake his seat at the far end of the bench, apparently assuming that there was no need to physically stand at Hux's side, however much Hux had appreciated it. Rey sat across from Poe. The two of them just watched. Caspire and Tark took their cues likewise and sank to sit cross-legged on the ground.

Steel remaining standing, a few paces behind and to Hux's right. Steel said to Nera, "They aren't like the stormtroopers you can just command. Or your old family. If you're going to stay here," at this, Steel came forward and went to one knee, looking up at her, "on your own, you have to talk."

"Talk!" she huffed. "Like Luke!"

"Yeah. Afraid so." He settled to the ground, sitting cross-legged like the rest.

Hux gave him a skeptical, judgmental look for sitting on the ground next to where he was standing. It was weird – both the proximity and sitting on the ground like a savage. Hux had had to do it a few times since coming here. Poe thought nothing of it. Still, Hux moved away to sit on the bench on the other side of Nera, with Rey at his back. "Let's keep this moving," he said. When Nera didn't answer, Hux said, "Show me, then, and I'll translate it to him."

"Translate? No. I show. Not you. You brain dead."

"I am not. Nor will I be if you use that ability on me again."

Poe cleared his throat.  _Hugs?_

_Shush. I'll be fine._

There was a long mental silence. Poe was worried for him. Very worried. Nera was a perfect storm of all but one thing Hux feared from the Force. What she lacked was a reason for him to bow to her. It meant he was willing to stand up to her in circumstances that would have left him a shivering mess had she been Poe.  _I need you as my backup, to … help me if things are more than I can tolerate._

_Got it,_  Poe responded.  _Also, Rey tells me Nera's thoughts are just as mixed up as her words. You're not going to get a big improvement by doing this._

_You're talking to Rey?_

_Mentally. Yeah._

Hux didn't get a chance to say anything to that, as Nera said, "Then I you and you use words?"

"Yes."

"You think better me thinking and you wrong."

"So I am told. We'll see. Show me what you were going to do to him."

"You brain dead."

"Yes, yes, you've said that. It will work. I will let it work."

She exhaled and looked at him, her red-rimmed pupils meeting his. Then they were gone. So was he. He flinched and felt his nails scrabble against the top of the picnic table. A moment later, he had his senses again as he shook off the effect of her ability. Or did he? He moved his hand against the wood grain of the table. It felt … like he thought it should feel. No one at the table was paying any special attention to him other than Nera. Not even Poe. There was something empty there when he looked at his husband – something Nera couldn't or didn't or didn't know to replicate.

_Poe?_

_Yes?_

_Am I slumped over?_

_Yeah. You twitched a little, but you're just sitting there. Leaned up against the table. You're okay. I think. Right?_

_Fascinating._ This wasn't the shifting reality of a dream. It was as real as any waking moment. If it had happened to him unawares, he'd have had no clue.  _Yes, I'm fine. She's replicated everything so seamlessly that the only reason I know it's not real is that you weren't looking at me._

_I_ _**am** _ _looking at you._

_I know. But you're not doing it here, in this constructed reality she's made._

"You talking others?"

"Yes? You can't hear me?"

"I hear. Not thinking talk, but words."

_Is everything okay?_  Poe asked.

_Yes, it's fine. I'm okay._ It wasn't that unsettling, really. Snoke had done worse and Hux had a pretty good idea of how to escape this if he wanted to. He could fight if he needed to. Hux turned his attention to her. "Is this what you were going to do to Kes?"

"Yes. And also more. To tell. To talk. To show. Show me and mine. Otherwise without, there is no help."

"Show me, then. How would you communicate using this?"

"Like this."

He had a swimmy sensation, a sort of floating or swinging feeling. Gravity and centrifugal force pulled on him in unexpected directions. It was her, somehow. They were just sitting there, but his mental attention had turned inward, like an inner ear disturbance or a delirium. Hux understood she was right; he was literally lacking the words to describe what he was sensing.

But their minds were in contact. He knew that. There were elements of it that reminded him of Snoke's attention. It was just that Nera's mental presence was different – less well-defined, less distinct, less separable from his own sense of … self? No, that wasn't right. Because he still knew who he was. But they had merged somehow. He fought off the urge to feel this as a contamination.

Snoke had kept himself separate. Aloof. Or at least different in Hux's mind. The ancient creature's ice blue eyes showed before him, staring into him with awareness. Hux recoiled, trying to find a way to ward off Snoke's all-knowing gaze. Alarm flushed through him with the prickle of adrenaline. Sweat. Fear.

_No,_  Nera told him.  _Snoke is gone. Snoke is dead. I remember. Showing you. Only remember. Only I._ That last was said (thought?) with longing.

Someone had liked, loved, the creature that had hurt him so much and so callously. He was repulsed by that. She saw it. He knew she saw it – his feelings about it. Hux felt naked, mentally at least. He didn't want his feelings on parade as they seemed to be. Transparent.

_He hurt all,_  she thought.

_Why?_

_He want to. He enjoy. Him. Neros kordoom._

_He was what he was,_ Hux hazarded as a meaning for the phrase _. And you still love him?_

_Yes. My love is not his. It is mine._

He swallowed and found himself blurting out, "I don't love my father." It felt like something he'd said with his mouth rather than thought. He wondered if he needed to speak here. She knew his thoughts without it. It reminded him of the Force bond. He pulled his thoughts back to Brendol Hux, to protect Poe by thinking of others.

_Snoke not your father. Snoke was your god._

_I differ. (You are wrong.)_ He tried to work out how to partition his thoughts as he'd done with Snoke. He was either out of practice or it was harder to conceal himself from her. Which was an interesting thought by itself – implying that he had had some skill or success in mental subterfuge against Snoke. Or that she was better than Snoke was on some fronts. That had terrifying implications. He moved his thoughts away from that for now.

_My god,_ she thought. _My god is not yours._

That seemed true within the broad definitions of divinity. And perhaps there was a truth to it while he was under Snoke's thumb. It had felt like he could do almost nothing without the creature's permission and awareness. His sense of his own agency was so diminished that sometimes he felt he lived in a fog of predestination, just a tool of others. He hated that feeling. He'd struggled against it, with his most reliable method of calming himself being to re-center within his own identity.

_You exist real then and now. Good. Tree say you have foundation._

He was not pleased that she was inside his every thought, understanding them and offering commentary. "Let's move this back to the point of the interaction. How would you use this to communicate with Kes Dameron, or anyone else lacking in the Force?"

_My thoughts here._

He felt as though he knew something then, like getting Poe's memories through the Force bond. He knew in this case that he wanted three jogun fruit from the crates in the  _Falcon_ , and that he wanted to give them to Nera. It was a spur of the moment decision, a thought so strong that he found his eyes pulled in the direction of the ship, past Nera's shoulder and around the corner of the house. He wanted to go get them, to offer them. It would help him somehow. It was a good idea because …? He shook his head, because it didn't make any sense. He could feel himself trying to convince himself of the plan.

His world and his sense of self skewed dangerously. "Stop it!" he growled. The impulse faded. He felt Poe's presence in his mind. He felt the tree's. Behind the tree's soothing sense of darkness was a different shadow, that one being Kylo Ren. Hux turned his attention to Poe. Beyond him was Rey. Beyond Rey were other minds, unfamiliar to him in this way, but he assumed they were the other knights. An entire network, holding him, supporting him, and ready to draw his mind apart from Nera's if something went wrong. The question was if that point was now.

Hux relaxed. He took stock of himself. He re-centered and turned back to Nera. "You changed my mind. That was a mind trick. But you didn't say anything? I didn't feel you overpower my will."

_Words not needed. I want. You want. I tell. You do. Not mind trick. Is your new reality to do my want._

"Your wish is my command, is that it?"

_Yes._

"So that's how it works. I've seen enough."

_Also, I know your wants._

He hesitated, but he wasn't sure how to leave this prison.  _You don't._

_I do. Surface. Poe, needs, love, approval, control, command, safety. They are there. In you. Your mind. To see you is to see them._

With trepidation, he said, "You can change those because you can see them. Is that what you're getting at?"

_I can. Shouldn't. Wrong. Kylo rule. But bigger. Even Luke. Not Snoke, but he was all. It not apply Snoke._

"Do you intend to do that to Kes – take away his desires and substitute your own?"

_No._

"Why not?"

_Wrong._

There was such a long silence and this was such an important matter, that Hux tried to reach forward mentally, open his mental eyes, or whatever foolish paltry description there was for it and  _see_  her, the way she seemed able to see him. His wants, his mind, etc. All he could tell was that she was sincerely pondering the situation.

She picked her words carefully to say,  _I did to my family. Now no family. Wrong. Don't do. Except in war. Or telling others I not here. Look away. Peace, silence, confusion, daydream, sleep, rest. I do those. To strangers. But not change wants. Just add my wants. Good things. Don't change people. Then they not people. They toys. Wrong._

A brittle smile formed on Hux's lips. He thought of all his father's rantings, speeches, and brainwashing to instill obedience in the place of morality. "You know right from wrong." His eyes burned. "You … Someone with the Force can still know that."

_I know_   _this_.

"Thank you. I've still seen enough. Let me out."

Everything blacked out again, then he drew a sharp breath as he straightened. There were people around him. They had been there before, but they'd faded out of existence as he'd spoken with Nera. Somewhere along the line, they'd stopped being there altogether aside from a vague mental sense. But now they were back. He looked to Poe immediately, then reached across the table for him. Poe reached back. They held hands. He felt real. Hux could feel their link thrum stronger with the contact. He calmed.

_I want to fall into you and hug you for a very long time,_  Hux thought to him, projecting an image of the same.

_Same here, babe_. Poe picked at Hux's memory of what had just happened, skimming over it briefly without comment.

"All good?" Kes asked.

Hux looked to Nera, who seemed to already know this wouldn't go her way. She sighed and regarded the surface of the table thoughtfully. He assumed she was mentally speaking with others. To Kes, Hux said, "While her proposed method would work, I believe she and I have mutually agreed it would not be ethical."

"Both of you?"

Hux looked to Nera. She nodded. "I must talk. Need family. Want family. No family this way with mind, by show you my want." She gestured at Hux. "He remind. Steel say. Many say. They right. I will do this talk."


	80. Absent-Minded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has some more communication problems. Poe tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff. I think.
> 
> The Knights of Ren have departed, although Nera is staying on Yavin IV.

"You can read this guy's thoughts now, right?" Kes asked as he handed up a box of dishes.

Poe nodded as he took them. He was on a step-ladder. He stowed the extra dishes away on a high shelf for the next time they had a surplus of guests.

"What's he got going on in there?"

Poe chuckled. "Why do you ask?"

"Well." Kes gestured at his own head. "Sometimes I'm talking to him and he seems to have a lot going on in his head, but nothing comes out. It could be that he doesn't want to talk to me. Or it could be he's absent-minded and I'm overthinking it."

"He's not absent-minded. There's a lot going on in there. He doesn't even play with my hair without a constant mental dialogue. Monologue, I guess." He considered the word. He'd gained Hux's vocabulary at some point. "He thinks things about it every step of the way." His father seemed to be thinking about the conversation more than their task. "Are you going to hand me the glasses?"

"Oh. Yeah." Kes handed up the next box. He smiled warmly, looking at Poe's hair. "He likes your hair?"

"Yeah." Poe smiled as well, blushing a little as he put up the last box. "I like his, too. And oh wow, does he ever like me touching it. He can't get enough of that." He laughed as he stepped down to the floor level.

"I've noticed he's gotten a lot more comfortable while he's been here. Is there a way you can tell him, or I can tell him, to open up a little more in conversation?" Kes picked up the step-ladder and collapsed it into a complex frame the size of a loaf of bread.

"He is a very closed-off person, Dad. You can tell him. I'd even suggest you tell him. And then let him try. He will. I always assume he's doing the best he can for me, and I'm never wrong. Tell him you want him to talk more and he'll talk more. But that said, I've had some really nice times just being with him, letting him think, and knowing he likes me."

"Yeah, that's what-" The back door opened as Hux came in from outside. "So, hey," Kes addressed him, abandoning whatever he'd been about to say to Poe, "did you get out of all of this," he waved his hand back and forth in the air, "what you were expecting to get?"

Hux's eyes darted to Poe, who said, "He means the group being here. The knights." Force translation did not include assumptions, Poe noted to himself.

"Yes," Hux answered.

"And something else," Kes added, "could you talk a little more?"

"Yes, I did," Hux amended.

Kes stared at him for a long beat as he worked out what Hux meant, then turned to Poe and burst out laughing. Poe laughed some, too, but not as uproariously. He glanced over to see Hux had a hurt, frustrated look on his face. Poe left his father, who clapped him on the back, still laughing.

Poe raised his hands in surrender to Hux as he approached him. "Baby." No, not that term, especially if Hux was hot about being laughed at. "Sweetie." Hux glared at him, though honestly on the spectrum of Hux's anger, it wasn't very high. "Honey? Darling?" He stopped a few feet away.

"If you're trying to calm me, then at least show me the respect of using my name! And not some juvenile-" Hux shook his head with an irate roll of his eyes.

"Armitage Hux," Poe said gently. "My husband."

Hux sighed and relaxed. "Yes, you're laughing at me. I'm quite funny. Ha."

Poe nodded. "You are." He slid his arms around Hux, who reciprocated. "But we're not laughing entirely  _at_  you. I told my dad that if he wanted you to say more, he needed to ask you."

Kes was still chuckling. "He did say more. He did. Two extra words!"

"I suppose that is funny," Hux said stiffly. "I'm still the butt of it."

Poe hugged him more firmly and decided he'd be better off not arguing the point. Hux pressed his lips against Poe's forehead briefly, then broke the embrace. To Kes, he said, "Yes, I did get what I wanted out of the knight's presence, which was a feeling of … community. A reminder that I'm not alone here. In that vein, having Nera stay is a bonus."

Kes had stopped laughing entirely, head cocked as he listened. "I … didn't know you were needing that."

"I was."

"Oh."

"It wasn't something you could provide. Not … You're … a Rebel. Not that the Knights of Ren are really what I'm used to either."

"Ah. I get it now. And yeah, you're not going to get that from most people here on Yavin. That kind of basic anti-imperialism bothers you, does it?"

"Shouldn't it?"

Kes thought about it. "Maybe so. You're right. Also, this is what I was talking about," he gestured between the two of them, "with telling me a little more. I don't always get where you're coming from or what you're going through. Or what you're thinking. Between you and Nera, I have quite the communication challenge, so help me out."

"I will."

Kes nodded. "Good. Thank you." He walked off chuckling to himself.


	81. Bearded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Hux have a thoughtful conversation about regrets, facial hair, and some of their most private motivations.

"When is this going to be done growing in?" Hux said in frustration, staring in the bathroom mirror. He turned his face this way and that, looking at his cheeks. "It's so patchy!"

Poe sidled up behind him, resting his hands lightly on Hux's hips and looking around one shoulder. "A couple months."

Hux gave him a consternated look.

Poe shrugged. "It doesn't help that you're light-colored. Looks like the beard is growing in lighter than your head hair, so it's not very visible."

"What of it  _is_  growing in. It's itchy, too. It might be hormonal."

"Hormonal?"

"I'm … perfectly fine for duty in the First Order, well within what's considered a normal range, but for the galaxy at large, I'm … low in certain characteristics … by human standards."

"Huh," Poe said, adding yet another layer to Hux's belief that he would be found wanting in a relationship with someone outside the Order. "That might have something to do with it. Have you ever tried to grow a beard before?"

"No."

"Against regulations?" Poe guessed.

"Yes. Unless you have a waiver, which was rare. Why don't you have one, since you're allowed?"

Poe shrugged and gestured at his face. "It interferes with the respirator when I'm flying, unless I get one of those attachments and I don't like them."

"You're staying flight-ready while we're on honeymoon?"

"No. But I like it when you kiss me or put your lips on my cheek. I don't think you'd do that as much if it was hair instead of skin. And even if you did, I wouldn't feel it as much."

"Ah. You've thought about this? That's the reason?"

"Uh-huh. Simple reasons. I like breathing. I like being kissed."

"Hm. Do you want a beard?"

"No." Poe looked down and from one side to the other as he called up memories, trying to get a context for Hux's uncertain attitude. "Your dad didn't have one. Did you ever know anyone who had a beard?"

"No. Not closely. I've seen beards, of course." Hux chuckled dryly. "Cheskar didn't even have one after months without grooming! Though that's probably not meaningful as I assume they weren't capable of one." Hux added thoughtfully, "Not without keratin stimulators." He rubbed his cheek again, frowning.

"Cheskar …" Poe blinked. Thinking. Remembering. "That story …"

"I worked with them on Starkiller," Hux said, taking note of Poe's expression. He watched Poe in the mirror. "I don't think I ever told you their story. I suppose you know it now without me bothering." He acted indifferent.

Poe met his eyes, recognizing the 'I act like I don't care because I care too much' routine. "I'm so sorry." Hux flinched and looked away. Poe raised his hand to Hux's arm, cupping his forearm lightly. When Hux didn't respond, Poe said, "Finn told me a story of a place on Starkiller Base, a clearing in the forest that was haunted. There was a … well, you know. There was a monument there to Chief Engineer Cheskar. The trees were all twisted."

Hux smiled a little, looking down at the sink.

Poe went on. "The troopers had a lot of stories about who that was and who'd buried them out there. Finn said the First Order didn't usually go in for burials. It's, uh, primitive, weird, something like that."

Hux nodded slightly.

"But you buried him. With the crystal."

Hux's head snapped sideways, then he paused. "That's not something Finn knew, is it – about the crystal?"

"No."

Hux nodded. "I would hate to think the grave was disturbed."

"It wasn't." Poe smiled. "But they'd challenge each other to go out there – the troopers, on training patrols. There were a lot of stories about things happening, people seeing things, that sort of stuff."

"Probably true. The crystal was contaminated. Its psychic influence was considerable."

"Yeah." Poe nodded, using Hux's memories. He pulled Hux around slowly and cupped his face. "I know you feel like you failed them. It's not my place to say. But I know you did the best you could. And I'm sorry for how it turned out."

Hux nodded, looking down with a pinched face. "I should have fucked them."

Poe's brows drew together and he grimaced at the brutal practicality of that statement. "I know your opinion on that has something to do with you … being with me. Sexually."

Hux looked up, meeting his eyes then and holding them. "I want to make you happy."

"You do."

Hux swallowed and nodded. "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't."

"Good. I will do everything in my power to keep you alive and satisfied."

"I am. It's good. You do a good job. I'm easy to please. You don't have to worry about that."

"Good."

Poe slid his arms around Hux and pulled them together. "I know you mourned them."

Hux nodded slowly, his scratchy cheek moving against Poe's hair. "I never knew … then … that I had anything to lose until I had lost it. I should have kept in touch when I was reassigned. It was nice to have someone to talk to about things when they were alive. But after … things with Snoke … I could share that with them even less than with you.

"At least when we were both on base, we could talk about work. It was all I had. You and I – we have more. And I'm going to appreciate what I have while I have it and not some 'maybe' that Cheskar represented. 'Maybe' if I had done things differently, if I had not made mistakes, if I'd been more capable or willing to allow things. I wasn't even willing to try. Then. I am now and I will try. I do … try."

"You do. I'm sorry you lost them. I understand that sort of regret."

Hux pulled back, leaning on the sink as he studied Poe's face. "I know you do. I know there are things you wish you'd done differently as well." He raised a careful hand and stroked Poe's temple with a curled finger, then with his thumb.

"Crait?" Poe guessed.

Hux nodded.

"Yeah," Poe said. "I'm trying to make things better, different, because of that, too. I wouldn't … I mean, I-" He shrugged helplessly.

"Because throwing yourself on the mercy of your worst enemy was the best thing you could do in the wake of that disaster?"

Poe bared his teeth in the resulting grimace and turned his head. "Yeah."

"You thought you'd take that punishment for the team – a desperate mission behind enemy lines." Hux chortled. "Such a sacrifice."

Poe shrugged again, but it wasn't a helpless motion now. "You were really good-looking in that uniform. You looked sharp; like you had the biggest stick up your ass. Getting your attention didn't sound that bad. I mean, maybe the others wouldn't do it, but," he petted Hux's side, "I didn't have a problem with it."

"Your mission was a success."

Poe cupped Hux's cheek, then scratched lightly at the bristle, looking at it. "When you were a kid, you tended nerfs on Lanson Down."

"Yes?"

"That makes you a nerf herder."

Hux arched a brow. "You've mentioned that before. Is that a 'thing' in the Republic?" He reflected. "I see it is."

Poe nodded. "It's an insult. So you know I mean this in complete affection when I call you my scruffy little nerf herder."

Hux sighed. "Would it be irresolute of me to change my mind about the beard?" Poe leaned back and looked at him. Hux added, "I know I don't even have it grown in yet. Not fully."

"Nah, it's your face. You can do what you want."

"You're the one who has to look at it. I would look more like I did on Naboo, which you seem so fond of."

Poe tilted his head and took Hux's face by the chin, turning it one way and then the other to survey it. "I'm going to love this face no matter what you do with it."

Hux smiled shyly, pulling his face away to look down.

"You're blushing," Poe observed. He kissed Hux on the forehead.

Hux gestured at his face. "The thing is, if it's going to take months to grow out and I plan on … I would like to see my mother before that, I don't want to look … scruffy. Perhaps I  _should_  look like the person she's seen on the holonews. I don't want to look like I'm in hiding."

Poe breathed out and nodded. "I get it. It's not going to be 'irresolute'. If you change your mind, you change your mind. If you have new reasons to shave, then shave. As for looking like the person in the news – what are you trying to convey with that?"

"That I stand behind what I've done." Hux said it with emphasis, but without raising his voice.

"Yeah, she's going to have to accept that one way or another if she wants to have a relationship with you. I can see that. What you've done is in the past, but it was who you were then and it's part of who you are now."

"Yes. I'm not … It wasn't a mistake!" Hux said it like he wanted to argue. He threw it out like a gauntlet, starting to get loud.

"Okay." Poe just looked at him blankly, giving Hux absolutely nothing to fight against.

Hux seemed to realize what he was doing and dismissed it. He leaned forward and put his lips to Poe's cheek. "You are very kind. Thank you."

"It'll be alright," Poe told him. "No matter what happens, it will be alright. Also, you have no idea how cute it is to see you fuss over how you'll look when your mother sees you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope someday to write Finn's Starkiller Base ghost story!


	82. Transit Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Various messages and lead-up to Armitage Hux's visit with the mother and step-mother he hasn't seen in thirty years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting a long time to turn around Hux's recording to Poe's father and do a role reversal on it. This chapter went through a lot of iterations. It's not perfect, but I felt it was time to stop procrastinating and move things forward.

 

"Hello. I'm Poe Dameron, the husband of Armitage Hux. We've been married a few weeks now. We met most of a year ago. I know him better than anyone does. I don't know if I have ever met anyone as good, honest, and true as my husband. Which is … a little surprising, I'll admit … considering his background.

"I'm sure you know he was the grand marshal of the First Order. He was in command of Starkiller Base when it fired on the Hosnian system. He was also there on Naboo when Kylo Ren – Supreme Leader Kylo Ren – began negotiations for galactic peace. After Kylo stepped down, Armitage continued that process. When the constitution had been approved and a transition team was in place, he resigned his position.

"He tells me he did it for me." Poe paused, searching for a way to express the magnitude of his feeling about that, the depths of Hux's sincerity and how grateful Poe was, without implying that Poe wouldn't have kept loving him anyway had Hux decided differently. He couldn't explain it. Maybe it wasn't a thing he needed to explain.

"When I first saw him, we were on Naboo. I was part of the group representing the New Republic's interests, specifically the Resistance. I knew the people of the First Order were just people. One of my good friends was a stormtrooper who defected from them to save my life. I knew they weren't monsters. I looked across the room and saw the man you've probably seen on holos – angry, uptight, sneering and snarling more often than anything else – and I wanted to know if there was any way we could trust someone like that.

"It took a lot just to get him to sit down for lunch with me," Poe smiled slyly, "but he did. We had a long talk. He's just a person. Just like everyone else. I trusted him right away. Like it was natural. It took a long time for me to get him to trust me back and his trust is the most precious thing I've ever earned.

"You knew his father. So, I figure you can imagine. Armitage had twenty years with that guy. Fifteen of it alone with him, for the most part. Brendol Hux was an expert on brainwashing, conditioning, and abuse. Armitage was his primary target until the day Brendol Hux died.

"It didn't stop there. Armitage considers what Brendol did to be … mundane … compared to what Snoke did to him for six years. Snoke was a dark side Force user whose specialties seem to have been mind control and telepathy. Or maybe that's just what he used most often. I don't have just Armitage's word on this, either. It's verified.

"Armitage became what he had to in order to survive. I know he did everything within his power to remain his own person and to do what was right when he could. I also know he may never heal entirely from what was done to him and the things he's done. If you don't have any empathy for him, then we won't have much to talk about. But I'm betting you do, because he certainly didn't get his humanity from his father.

Poe bounced his hands, fingers interlaced, on his knee. "He doesn't have any memories of you. From the information he had before, he thought you were dead. If you ever tried contacting him, it didn't make it through. I went looking not too long ago, though, and found out you were alive. I've told him about you. But we both thought maybe you'd like to hear from me first. He's more than a little concerned about what you think of him.

"Send me something back. Or address it to Armitage. We're together. Thank you for listening."

* * *

"Play it again!" Liyema demanded.

The droid hesitated, wobbling on its spindly legs. "Replay function is available for two credits," it warbled. Whatever it used for vocalization was separate from the sound system it used for the holo-projection, which was a good thing. It was tough to understand what it was saying. It sounded more like, 'Ripley unction id addle-ble fr two credts.'

"I will do more than two credits damage to  _you_! Now replay!"

"I will record this interaction and you will be fined," the droid told her.

"I will extract the recording along with that projection and there will be nothing to use to fine me!"

The droid considered that. All droids were programmed to preserve their functionality that they could better perform whatever service they'd been built for. This one was built for small parcel delivery and communication relays for those residences without transmitters of their own. Being damaged would interfere with that.

But on the other hand, it was required to charge fees for additional services. This was a minor service and the business owner who operated the droid frequently used the override function to replay messages for free. There wasn't anything technically stopping the droid from using the override function itself.

"Replay it!" Liyema demanded again.

Her mother said from her overstuffed chair, "Droid, you keep this up and you'll be spending more time arguing than it would to just replay the damn message!"

This was also true, the droid decided. It had a set amount of time to perform its rounds. The message was short. The longer it stayed here exchanging threats with a customer, the more likely it would be to return late. With a robotic whir, the projection started again. Poe's message played through a second time. At the conclusion, the droid said, "That will be two credits," and extended a payment tray.

She gave it one credit. "That's what I have. Begone!"

"That is not two credits," the droid complained, eyeing the currency.

"Go! You're trespassing. Get out!"

"You will be reported," the droid informed her in its unsteady voice, sounding more like, 'Ew ill bean rapported.'

"And I couldn't understand you because of your damaged vocalizing unit. Get out!"

"Oh," the droid said, wondering if that meant she would not be prosecuted.

Liyema shut the door behind the obnoxious mechanoid, then leaned against the door. "That was him."

"Thought it was his husband," her mother said with the dry humor Armitage had inherited.

"Yes, yes! It was. But he knows. He knows now. There's no denying it!" She swiped over her cheek and let her hand rest over her mouth, fingers slightly splayed. Her eyes were distant, her expression calculating. "I'd heard he resigned, but not that he was married. Where is he?"

Her mother just shook her head.

"Maybe I should call that man from the empress?"

Her mother shook her head again. "Send him a message back. That'll answer your questions better than checking with those people."

She sat down on the wicker couch and covered the lower part of her face, staring at the frayed rug between them. "What would I even say, after all this time?"

* * *

"This is Liyema Ridware calling for Poe Dameron. You said you wanted a message back. I …" She paused awkwardly, moving her hands together restlessly. "Thank you. You aren't the first who has talked to me about him. But you're the first who had a right. If you married him. Then … then you do.

"You can tell him … I don't know what to think of him. What I told the others is that we're strangers now and have been for all those years. They wanted me to talk to him on their behalf. I wouldn't. Not for them. Not for the empress or money or any of their promises. Not for the whole galaxy that they told me hung in the balance. But I'll talk to him for him. Or for you, I guess. If he married you, he must think a lot of you. Or I hope he does."

* * *

Hux licked his lips and hit replay. He watched the message with an intensity Poe had rarely seen, studying it like a battle simulation. Then he rewatched Poe's initial message and played Liyema's directly after it. His tongue touched his upper lip again. He turned to Poe. "Your impressions?"

"She hasn't made many holo-recordings before. She's nervous. We should have thought about it, but if Eddiva could dig up information on her that quick, then other people could have done the same. They had months. You'd even said the empress knew you were a … your family situation. No one used her against you, but they tried."

Hux nodded. "They tried, and she refused – she refused to be used against me."

Poe smiled just a little and avoided voicing any 'I told you so' that his mother still loved him.

Hux went on, "She mentioned twice that I was married." He touched the metal band on his finger. "Of all the things I have done in my life, that is the one she commented on – that I have gained the love, commitment, and social approval of another."

Poe looked over, just now realizing another layer to Hux's feelings about the wedding as related to bastardy. He hugged Hux tightly.

* * *

"Maratelle. This is Armitage Hux. I would like to visit you on Arkanis within the next standard month to discuss Brendol's estate. I have resigned from the military. I have married. And I would like to reconnect with family, if that is an option after these thirty years. If not, then at least tie up loose ends. Please respond back with an acceptable date and time. I will match my schedule to yours."

* * *

"It has come to my attention that you will be visiting Arkanis next week," said the Empress Leeya of the Regency Worlds over high-quality, immediate-feedback holo. Kes and Poe stood out of pickup range out in the hall. Hux knew they were there. He'd had to call Kes to show him how to adjust the transmission unit to accept a call like this. He'd initially thought it was beyond the machine's capability.

"It's a personal visit, I assure you, your majesty."

"A family matter?"

"Yes. Private."

"If you need anything while you're here, do let me know – staff, security, lodgings, transportation, etc. I am aware, of course as we all are, that you have stepped down, but that does not mean the Regency Worlds do not recognize and acknowledge your efforts on our behalf while you were Grand Marshal."

"Thank you, Empress. I appreciate the offer. If you would not mind, I would like to immediately take advantage of it in a small way."

"Oh?"

"Yes. How did you become aware of my visit?"

"Well, of course your name is on a list of important personages my staff watches for and alerts me when they might be coming through, but as you are asking this of me as a favor …?" He nodded to confirm the transaction. She continued with, "I was additionally notified by your stepmother, Maratelle."

"I see."

"It was not unsolicited," the empress said with a sympathetic tilt to her head. "My offices have been in touch with members of your family since the Hosnian Cataclysm. Just as you remarked to me on Coruscant during the negotiations – thoroughness and diligence is a virtue. I would be a poor ruler if I did not have such things looked into. Especially when entire systems were being destroyed."

"No, I do not fault you for that."

Her voice was gently amused and lilted as she asked, "Then what do you fault me for, my son of Arkanis?" It was a form of address the empress was allowed to use to any born of that world. It was not a sign of undue familiarity. She was long enough in the political game that her voice bore no trace of the knife's edge Hux knew lurked beneath it.

Carefully, he answered, "What you are doing in investigating my trip and assuring me politely that my presence will be known and monitored, is not something I fault you for. It is more surveillance than I might want personally, but it is in the best interests of your worlds. I would prefer to be unaware of your agents while I am on Arkanis."

She nodded. "Then we understand one another. I am pleased. Again, let me know if there is any assistance you might need, should conditions change. Your family members have been much the same as you and wished no interference by the government. For nearly a year, I have given, and will continue giving, the privacy they request."

"I am also pleased."

She inclined her head slightly. "Good evening then, child of our waters."

"Good evening, Empress of the Worlds."

The holo ended. Hux gave the empty space a dour expression. Poe poked his head around the corner. "Everything good?"

"Yes. It's fine."

"Why did she even call?" Kes asked. "Did she just want you to know she knew you were coming and offer to call you a cab?"

"Yes," Hux said. "And to indirectly make sure I knew she'd been shielding my family this whole time. If that is the case, then I owe her. Or rather, it diminishes what she already owes me."

Kes grunted. "What does she owe you for?"

"There was debate about framing the constitution in such a way as to invalidate multi-system governments like that of the Regency Worlds. The Bothans and the Mandalorians had their opinions about that and our eventual decision was to phrase that provision to exclude any legitimate governments already in existence. Based on that, the Regency Worlds remained as they were with Leeya as an Empress."

"Were you instrumental in that?"

"Not especially. My preference would have been dismantling it all back to system level, but she asked me to say nothing and allow people to govern themselves as they wished. I play the game as well as she does. I told her she was indebted to me. She acknowledged that and I did as she asked. We had already clashed several times and I didn't relish the arguments with the larger groups that had never been fully under even the Republic's rule."

"Hm, politics." Kes grimaced. "Well, if you managed it, then I ought to be able to do it, too."

"As with every success in my life, I had quite the support staff. Don't try to do it alone."

"Yeah, I need to get to rounding up some people. You free?"

"Not yet. But perhaps soon."

* * *

The trip from Yavin IV to Arkanis would take days. Partly this was due to taking the less-speedy commercial transportation, but mostly it was sheer distance and the logistics involved with covering those distances. Their ship followed the Hydian Way coreward, then they switched ships to continue through the High Road until they switched ships again when they reached the Corellian Run for the long leg to the Outer Rim. Along the way, they had layovers at Brentaal IV and Denon.

For two individuals used to charting their own course, or jetting around the galaxy on a priority military mission, it was excessively tedious. A diplomatic courier ship like one that might have been provided by Empress Leeya would have made the trip in half the time and considerably more luxury. Poe didn't mention it; as far as he could tell, Hux never even considered it.

One thing Poe was glad of was that Hux had found it worthwhile to spend extra for a compartment rather than economy seating. Hux had traveled economy from Taanab to Yavin IV (a route which had also involved a switch at Brentaal) with no more space allocated to him than the seat. For one leg of it, he'd been seated next to a chatty Ithorian equipped with a translation device. Hux said he had contemplated sabotaging the machine more than once.

Hux spent most of the trip buried in work of one kind or another. The most obvious in purpose was reading cultural guides to Arkanis, but he also spent time corresponding with the Force Institute, with someone in the First Order Resettlement Program, and with a couple Sienar-Jaemus engineers about kyber crystal attunement. It was Hux's preferred way of dealing with stress.

"Come on, Babe," Poe told him on the last night of their trip. "We'll get there tomorrow. You need to sleep tonight."

Hux looked from the datapad to Poe. Poe had waited until he'd hit send on a modified schematic and spoken before Hux could start something new. Hux knew the timing wasn't coincidental. He breathed out heavily. "I won't be able to sleep." He set aside the datapad anyway.

"Come to bed. I'll help you."

"How?"

"Like when we meditated under the tree? Can you follow my thoughts? Immerse yourself in it? Follow my lead and I'll put us both out."

"Next time," Hux grumbled, "I'm going to pay extra for a bed large enough for us both to sleep in it." He climbed onto the narrow bed intended for only one person. If they were wrapped around one another, they could sleep together, but it hadn't been comfortable. They'd tried it. Poe was already on the top bunk. Hux took the bottom one.

 _Shut your eyes,_  Poe thought to him after Hux had settled in.  _Feel me._

At first, all Hux was feeling was his own tension. It was difficult and unsettling for him to let go of himself and focus his attention on Poe's body. That was how it had between them so far – Poe was more often reading Hux's mind than vice versa, knowing his feelings and moods better than Hux knew Poe's. But he could do it – it was, as Poe had said, how they'd started with the Force; Poe had meditated and Hux had joined him.

That was all they did now. Their breathing slowly synchronized. Heart beats matched up. Hux could feel the relaxation in Poe's frame and let it seep into his own. He expressed an emotion of apology for Poe having to deal with the feedback from him being tense the whole journey.

Poe accepted it and answered in mental words.  _Hugs, this is like the wedding. It's one of those things that's supposed to be important to you. You're supposed to have feelings about it. It's okay. I'm here for you. We're going to get through it. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. I know you're burying yourself in work to keep from thinking about it. That's fine, too._

_I am thinking about it. Even still. While I work. And now._

_I know. It's okay. Can you let it go? Just relax?_

_Not really. Not the way you do._

_Okay. Can you relax your body, then?_

_Yes. I am. I have._

_Let's take it another step. I'm going to imagine floating._

_Let's imagine this ship, moving through space. It's a bit more concrete._

_Okay, then. This ship._  Poe had busied himself reading up on the ships they'd be traveling on, so it was easy for him to imagine the vessel in detail. It was streaking through hyperspace at the moment, but in their shared consciousness, the world around them was grey rather than black streaked with light. There was a different feel to reality here, but that was perfect. Poe wanted the unreality, the slow, easy dissociation, and the weightless feeling of slumber.

Hux gradually surrendered to it, letting Poe lull him into unconsciousness. It was a complete trust that didn't even strike Poe as remarkable and dear until Hux was asleep and Poe was about to follow. He smiled lazily. He had everything he'd ever wanted with Hux. He was so happy.


End file.
